Summary: Mulder ponders his life, family and fate.

Being in the dark can be the scariest place to be when you've lived my life, not because of what you can't see around you but because of the way your mind wanders when your lying in bed staring at the ceiling or when your driving in the dark, like I am now on my way to another secluded location where nobody knows who we are. Scully and I have been on the run for a year now,... let me take that back, Scully has been on the run for a year now. It would be the second year for me, so I'm kind of a pro at this, I'm sorry to say.

The rules to this game are easy, keep to your self and don't stay in one place to long. I no longer have the security of Gibson's trailer in the New Mexico desert to hide out in, so that last rule is a new one for me too. Although I'm not sure how secure it turn out to be considering the CSM was able to locate me and give me the pass key to MT. Weather which led to the situation Scully and I are now in.... Our fugitive statues, do I dare call it that, actually they may very well presume us dead. That is as long as two FBI agents I know don't volunteer that information to anyone, except maybe Skinner and Scully's mom. That is if nothing has happen to them. It's not like we can just call them up to see how everything's going. Not without exposing us and possible putting them in danger too.

So here we are alone, no allies, us against the world, and the knowledge of humanity's destruction ticking like a time bomb in our heads. So what are two former FBI agents turned fugitive to do. Well right now where traveling down a dark road a 2:26 a.m. heading toward a back water town in Illinois, hoping to find a safe haven to rest in, for a couple of days, before we move on again. Scullys' sleeping in the seat next to me with her head resting against my shoulder and my arm is holding her to me, while I drive. I look at her sleeping there next to me, she looks so beautiful, innocent and pure. I love this women. She is my life. She holds my heart and soul in her hands. I wish I could take away the pain that has surrounded her in the last ten years and I know she wishes she could do the same for me.

She deserve so much better then the life she was given, in fact, we both do! She deserves so much better than to be used as a lab rat, to be beaten and tortured. to ultimately have her heart ripped out of her chest only to be sought after as though she was the guilty one. She's not the guilty one. I'm not the guilty one. The guilty ones are those men who live or more appropriately *lived* in shadow with their power over us and humanity. The power to make history or to control the outcome of history by working with a force even greater then them. One of these men I called *dad*. He cared for me and my sister, that is until Sam's abduction, then he distance himself, probably out of shame and grief for what I would later discover he was a part of. I distanced myself too, because I felt guilty for what I had allowed to happen. That I wasn't able to stop it, and he had allowed me too. To feel the pain and the guilt to see my mother fall to pieces right in front of me and he my *dad* allowed my to carry the fault of it all on my twelve-year-old shoulders.

I feel angry thinking about all this. And I have a right to be, because later I would learn that the man that I called dad has no genetic ties to me at all, and a man way worse does. Cancer Man, CSM, CGB Spender whatever the hell his name actually is, he's the sperm contributor in my creation. I'm one-half his. He's my father, at least as far as genetics is considered. I'm still trying to soak up that tib bit of info. It's a scary concept actually, that he created me. That I'm his son, only he treated me more like a puppet he could maneuver for his on amusement. My tormentor! My nemesis! The devil himself as far as I'm concerned, who willingly spreads pain to whomever he wishes. His own children are not above his wrath.

Children. God allowed this man children, and not just one, but three to physical and mental abuse for his own purpose. A purpose he put above us. Us being, Samantha, Jeffrey and me. Samantha and Jeffery would suffer through the tests. She would die young and he would be disfigured beyond recognition. And I, well I was never certain of his plan for me other than playing the fool. And I played that role well. Looking for a sister when he knew she had died, going head on against my own brother, only not knowing it at the time. Krycek, Diana, even Scully's abduction all part of his game. All there to keep me in check. I bet he just sat back and laughed his ass off, when seeing me fail or fall on my ass. Or snicker at my hope and optimism, when I showed it. As far as test or medical procedure perform on me, well their was a unauthorized lobotomy, memory drain and whatever happened in Tunguska where I was exposed to the black oil. But I'm not certain these tests were done with his knowledge other then the lobotomy. I fairly certain he was responsible for that. Then my abduction, god the thought of that makes me tremble. All of it done to strengthen the project and the players in it. How could any man hate his children, so much as to put them through such hell? What did we do to make him hate us? I'm a father, I have a son. I love him and could never hurt him. CSM was allowed his children, to resent them, use them, and hurt them, and I, am not allowed my son. Oh, the injustice of it all.

"Mulder are we there yet."

"Almost. Go back to sleep. Okay... I'll wake you when we get there."

"Kay"

Ta da. Asleep. Actually I'm not convinced she was awake just then. Just as well, she needs her rest. I know our change in lifestyle has been difficult for her, not that she ever shows it. But I know, there are times when she looks out the window, either of passing scenery from are ever changing wheels or some rundown beat up motel room view, that she's thinking about the *what if's,* *what could have been* *what should have been* *what might have been* and thinks about the possibilities.

Hell, I do to. I think about a life with Scully and our son. About being a family, away from the quest, away from our enemies, away from the truth. The house, kids, a dog, safety and security, the american dream. But it's only a dream when your Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, when the world either wants you dead or thinks you have just escaped from a mental ward. And in nine year it will be the shit storm of all time and they'll wish they had listened.... But it will be too late then. Hell maybe it already is.

We won't give up the fight though, despite What we've sacrificed, our lives, jobs, access, homes, our freedom even identities and allies, the few that there were, hell, even my fish, and are surviving family member including William, our son are all gone or at least at the moment out of our reach. And what we've lost forever, my mother, sister, father. Scully's sister and daughter, our friends Langly, Byers and Frohike. The chance to see our son grow up, to see him unwrap presents on Christmas or ride his bike and play with his siblings. I've already missed the first years of his life and I'm sickened by the fact that he now calls someone else mommy and daddy. I'm sure whoever has him loves him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting him back or hoping that one day he'll be returned to us and we can live that American Dream. It doesn't stop me from thinking about somehow tracking him down, if that's even possible, kidnapping him from what he knows to be his home and his family. Ditching this continent, settling down with William and his mother, giving up the fight and living the nine years that we all have left. But I can't because if we give up and take the cowards route my son won't have a world to grow up in. He won't even grow up. And if this is the only way I can be his father than it will have to do. Now I don't know if we have a chance in hell of winning this fight, all I know is that we have nine years to get the word out, to fight the future or die trying.

I can't help but ask myself, * Why Us.* Why are we destined to fight the doomed fight. Sometimes I can't help but wish to be as arrogant to are enemies and ultimate annihilators as the rest of the worlds population is. But instead some higher power or sadistic fate has chosen us out of six billion others to sacrifice everything, to suffer unbearable losses, with no guarantee of success. I can't help but wonder if we had chosen another path in life, would we have evaded this fate for another. Or are our path written before descending on this earth from our mother's womb, and therefore we have no control over our destiny and the roles we play in this life. I am reminded of a conversation scully and I once shared years ago.

*What if their where only one chose...... and all the other ones were wrong.....and their were signs along the way to pay attention to.*

* Well, then all the choices would then lead to this very moment.* This very moment........ At this very moment *the fates* has led us to Varna, yet another back water town, same as all the others. Less then a thousand people, one street of businesses, a gas station/convenient store combo. A bar and town slut. And if where very lucky and the fates shine down on us, a motel of sorts.

Must be our lucky day. "Scully!"

"hm" "Wake up, we're here."

*The End!*

This is an attempt at my first fan fiction, I'm thinking about making it into a WIP. So drop me a line and let me know what you think, hate it, love it, don't quit your day job (like I could anyway). I hope you like it.

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