Title: The Offspring
Author: Kelli Rocherolle
Disclaimer: The following story is based on characters copyrighted by Ten *Thirteen Productions, created by The Man, Chris Carter, and *who are the property of the Fox network and are used without *permission. No infringement intended.

No X-file here. No high drama. Pure subjective character exploration (and, of course, romance). I've been wanting to do a story like this for a long time, to examine how these two characters might react under these circumstances.

The police department was in chaos. Children of various ages dressed in nothing but cotton, hospital-type gowns were ransacking desks of exasperated detectives and reeking havoc with the water fountain.

Mulder and Scully approached a harried-looking sergeant and asked to be directed to the detective in charge.

"Detective King," the sergeant responded, motioning to a tall, stocky gentleman in his late forties, "over there."

Scully started for Detective King but stopped when Mulder didn't follow. She gave him a curious look.

He nodded in the direction of a uniformed officer. "You go ahead and talk to King, I'm going to question the officer who brought them in."

Scully nodded in return and they headed their separate ways.

Mulder approached the young man. "Officer..." he bent forward slightly to examine his name tag, "Creed. I'm Fox Mulder, I'm with the Bureau," he said, flashing his badge. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Creed nodded and took out his pad. "Yes sir." The officer was still green and glanced at his pad nervously as he spoke. "My partner and I were out on patrol, we had just gone down Lexington and turned onto Chapel when we saw this group of kids coming out of the field behind the old church-- just comin' out of there like a bunch of ghosts floating up from the cemetery. It was weird. Anyway, we rounded them up and brought them in. There were fourteen of them all together, all girls, ages range from about two to twelve. We questioned some of the older ones, but..." the officer shook his head, and Mulder knew well the expression on his face: skepticism.

Mulder raised his eyebrows at him.

"Couldn't really get anything out of them."

"Why, what did they say?" Mulder's heart pounded in his chest, his throat tightened in anticipation of what the officer was going to say. Cases like this were the reason he was in all this to begin with-- maybe, just maybe, one of those children could be Samantha.

"Said they were 'dropped off' from some alien space ship. That they were born on the ship from mothers who were... here let me get the word they used..." Creed consulted his pad, "'abductees'."

Mulder nodded, containing his disappointment, but stepped closer in interest. "Well did they say why they were returned now?"

Shrugging, Creed responded: "No sir. They say they don't know. We don't know what to make of it. Right now we're thinking maybe they were in some kind of cult and brainwashed or something. Lot of talk about that around here, you know? At any rate, we've got a list of the mother's names-- we're going to check them out."

"What about the younger ones? Surely they weren't able to tell you their mother's names."

"No, no sir. There are a few kids who are about two-years old, the older kids knew their mother's names for them."

"Do you have the list?"

Creed nodded and handed him a piece of paper. Mulder scanned the names on the list. He got about halfway down the page when he suddenly felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over him. "This name... is this right? Where did you get these names?" His tone had taken on a hint of urgency.

The officer examined the name he indicated and double checked it on his own pad. "Yes sir, says it right here: Dana Scully. And I told you, the kids gave us the names."

Mulder looked over across the room at Scully... and saw her face go white; obviously, she had just received the same information. She looked up at him and their eyes met across the room. The panic in hers was evident. Mulder went to her.

"What..." she was clearing her throat as Mulder came up along side her, "what did you say those names were?"

King re-read part of the list: "Beth Hollan, Donna Price, Anne LeMay, Dana Scully, Maria DiCostansa, Julia Walters..." He turned his attention to an approaching officer who required his signature.

Scully looked up at Mulder and he could see that she was at risk of losing the dinner they'd had only a short time ago. She straightened and turned her attention back to King. "Well we're going to need to contact the mothers as soon as possible to see if they can corroborate the accounts of 'abductions'."

Mulder stepped closer, between her and the detective, drawing them into private conversation. "Scully what are you doing?"

"I'm proceeding with the case."

"Did you hear what he said?"

"There's nothing wrong with my hearing."

"One of those children--"

"Let's not talk about this right now, Mulder."

"You have a better time?"

"Mulder..."

He could see she what she was doing, trying to shut off the feelings by focusing on the job like they both had so often. She was really rattled, but no way she was going to show it.

She stared at him, and he could see she was trying to keep her breathing even.

He rested a firm, supportive hand on her shoulder. "Let's not jump to any conclusions here, Scully," he said evenly. "We don't know how accurate those names are, we haven't checked any of them out. Besides, there could be more than one Dana Scully."

"Right," she nodded in response, but her eyes were focused far off, "you're right; it doesn't mean..." her voice trailed off as a group of the children ran by. Trailing behind some of her older cohorts, a little girl with big blue eyes and a perfect cupid's bow mouth was looking around the station in bewilderment. She was the only red-head in a sea of blondes and brunettes.

Mulder heart sank; he could've spotted that little girl in the middle of a crowded theme park packed with children and he would've know she was Dana Scully's. He looked back down at his partner and saw that she had seen the little girl too. Her mouth dropped slightly and a small sound escaped her throat.

Mulder turned her away and, draping an arm across her shoulders, started to lead her out of the room.

"No--" she tried to turn around "Mulder--"

Holding her firmly, Mulder continued to escort her out of the room until they were in the quiet hallway.

She leaned against the wall as Mulder held her shoulders. "Scully--"

"This isn't possible," she muttered to herself.

"We'll check it out--"

"This isn't possible! I can't..." She brought a hand up over her face. "My God what did they do to me?" she breathed, not directing the question at anyone in particular.

Mulder tightened his grip on her shoulders to help focus her. "Scully, I want you to go home, I'll--"

"There's no way I'm leaving, Mulder," she said firmly. "I have to know if... I have to find out what's going on." She ran her hands over her face and back through her hair, trying to will down the bile that was rising in the back of her throat. "This is impossible," she repeated in a whisper. She looked up at Mulder and met his eyes, and she could see they were both thinking the same thing: of course, it was.

Detective King watched the two FBI agents through the glass in the hallway. Whatever they were talking about, it looked pretty intense. But they'd been talking for some time now and he was anxious to get the ball rolling. When he was able to catch Agent Mulder's eye, he motioned to him.

"King wants us." Mulder looked back down at Scully, but she didn't seem to have heard him. "Scully are you sure about this?"

After a moment, she looked up at him and nodded.

"Because you can take some time--"

"No. I'm sure, Mulder."

Their eyes held for a long moment. Mulder nodded back and went into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt but I don't have all night," King said. "What do you want to do about these reports?"

Mulder looked around the room. "Look, it's late. Why don't we wait and question them in the morning. We'll also need to get them to a hospital and run some routine tests, and of course some blood samples if we're going to have to run maternity tests. What are you doing with them for the night?"

"We called in DCYF. They're taking them to a shelter for the night, until all the mothers can be contacted."

Mulder tried to sound as casual as he could. "Well Agent Scully is going to be taking one of the children into custody with her tonight."

The detective stared at him, the name not registering; his only concern the distinct feeling that his toes had just been stepped on. "You can't do that..."

Mulder rested his hands on his hips and stepped closer. "The Bureau expects the full cooperation of this department on this matter, Detective."

King stared defiantly back at him; this wasn't procedure, and he wasn't going to back down.

Sensing the man bristle, Mulder dropped his hands and lowered his voice. "Look, my partner thinks that one of the children may be... may belong to a relative, we want to get a head start on that one. If you catch any heat on it you can tell them I said she was taken under my authority."

After a moment, King nodded uncertainly and Mulder gave a small smile in appreciation. A minor commotion to his right grabbed his attention as another group of children moved past him. Once again, the little red-haired girl trailed behind. Mulder stared at her.

King followed the agent's gaze to the small child. A wide grin spread across his face. "Yeah she's a cute one, isn't she? One of the few two-year olds we brought in. The older girls call her 'Lily'."

Mulder turned back to face the detective as a cold chill descended on him. And he knew things would never be the same.

Calling in another of his favors, Mulder had taken Scully and the little girl to a friend and had him run the blood test right then and there; he didn't want Scully to have to agonize about it all night... and he didn't want to either. The test only confirmed what they both already knew: it was true, the child was hers. She was also given a cursory physical exam, and it was obvious that she had been well cared for; she was in the normal percentiles for height and weight in her age range... though it was estimated she was probably closer to three than two. She had a solid, mesomorphic build and her motor skills were above average. All in all, she was in perfect health.

Though it was very late by the time they were heading back to her apartment, Scully sat wide awake and stoic in the passenger's seat next to him as Mulder took them home. She didn't say a word the entire drive back.

When they'd finally entered her apartment, Scully brought the sleeping child into the bedroom and settled her on her bed, surrounding her with pillows. Her face was weary and strained as she came back out into living area.

Mulder looked up at her from the couch as she came to sit next to him. He didn't know what to say to her.

She sat forward on the couch. "I put her on my bed, I hope that's okay." She looked over at Mulder, her eyes were brimming with the unshed tears she was fighting back. She made a helpless gesture with her hands and smiled weakly at the floor. "I don't even know if she's supposed to sleep in a crib at this age." She studied her hands in silence, and she was grateful for the warm and heavy hand Mulder rested on her shoulder. After a long moment, she started again. "I don't know if I'm ready for this, Mulder. I just don't know if I can do it. What am I going to do if I can't? What am I going to do?" She covered her face with her hands, and this time she couldn't hold back the tears; a small, choked noise escaped her. Mulder reached an arm across her shoulders, pulling her to him. She leaned into his chest and cried silent tears.

Mulder's heart twisted with sadness as he held her. That she could turn to him for comfort meant more to him than she could ever know. And those rare times she did, he wished he could say something to help her feel better, but just like those other times, she seemed content just to be held by him.

It was a long time before her tears dried.

The next day Mulder was surprised to see Scully enter the office-- on time no less. He assumed she would take the day off. "Hi," he said, his tone high with surprise.

"Hi." She knew what he was wondering. "She's with my mother. Mom said she'd watch her for me whenever I needed it until I can get some kind of day care worked out."

Mulder nodded and wondered what Mrs. Scully's reaction had been. Shock would probably have been an understatement. He watched his partner with concern. Scully had that look on her face, the one he knew so well. He'd seen the same look on her face the day after her father died... her emotions were being kept bolted down.

He got up and helped her get her coat off, then rested his hands on her shoulders. "Are you all right?"

She stared at his chest and nodded.

She wasn't, of course, but he wasn't going to push.

Mulder watched her carefully as the days moved on; he was certain she would crack at any moment and he wanted to be there to break her fall. But with each passing day, he saw that it wasn't happening, and he began to worry that when it did it was going to be disastrous. For over a week she stayed late at work, she came in on that Saturday... she was avoiding going home; avoiding being with that little girl.

"Scully what are you doing?"

"What are you talking about?"

It was late, almost two weeks later, and Mulder couldn't stand to watch it anymore; he decided to confront her about it. "You should be home," he said cautiously.

Staring at him because she couldn't deny it, Scully remained silent. After a moment, she nodded at him, then lowered her eyes. "You're right." She started stacking the files she'd been going through.

"Just leave that, I'll get it. You go."

"You're sure?" He nodded and she forced a small smile in return.

She gathered her things and left, and Mulder stared after her for a long time. The other children had since been examined and returned to their mothers; all of them found to be in the same condition as Scully's little girl was: developmentally, physically and psychologically well. Why had they been returned? Just to camouflage the return of the one they really wanted to send back, possibly to distract them? He ran over and over in his mind the list of recent cases they'd been working on, but he couldn't think of any that might be perceived as a "threat" to the forces who had worked against them for so long. So why? His thoughts focused on that little girl. He wished so much he could talk to her, that he could ask her what it had been like, had they taken good care of them? Did they hurt them? Did she know a girl with pale blue eyes and long brown hair named Samantha? He'd probably never know. His questioning of the older girls had proven unfruitful, they had very little memory of their time prior to being found, of their surrogate "parents". The detectives in the squad had jokingly called them "the offspring". Somehow, Mulder couldn't quite see the humor in that.

Scully roused her sleeping mother from the couch and saw her off. After she'd gone, Scully sat in her kitchen for the longest time. She'd made herself a cup of tea to relax with before she went to bed; but it remained untouched. She stared at the table. What was she going to do? She'd never thought she was cut out to be a mother, though she didn't discount the possibility that someday that would change and that she would have children, but she'd always assumed she'd have a husband to share the joys and responsibilities with, and certainly that it would be planned. She chided herself: stop whining. So you didn't plan it... it's not her fault. And she needs her mother. Though her rational side scoffed at the mere idea, in her darkest moments she wondered who her daughter's father was... had he been some other abductee? Or worse-- one of her abductors? Or was Lily some product of genetic experimentation that required no father? Scully shuddered at the mere thought of the word "clone". They certainly looked like mother and daughter, but it's not like they were identical. She shook her head. What did it matter really? What she should be concerned about was that there was a little girl sleeping in the other room who needed her, a little girl who was her flesh and blood. The anger rose in her stomach. Assuming she had actually carried the child, she had been denied, no-- robbed-- of even remembering the experience of pregnancy, of that precious time after the birth where mother and baby bond; and now she had a stranger to love.

Scully got up and left the kitchen, leaving her cold mug of tea sitting on the table. She entered her bedroom and padded quietly over to the little bed she'd finally purchased; she'd quickly grown tired of sleeping on the couch. Moonlight warmed her back and bathed the room as she stared at the sleeping child for several minutes. Finally, she went to her dresser and quietly changed into her nightshirt. As she started back toward her bed, she saw that the child was now awake; she sat up and smiled at Scully as she approached.

Scully smiled back. "Hi," she said softly.

"Night time," Lily informed her.

Her smile widened. "Yes it is." She hesitated for a moment, then reached out to her. "Come here, you want to come see me?"

Lily extended her arms up to Scully so she could pull her up over the bed's safety guard.

"That's it, come here," Scully crooned softly as she brought her into her arms. She turned and pulled the bedcovers back, settling in with her. "You want to sleep here with me tonight?"

Lily rubbed her eyes and nodded as Scully helped lie her back. Propping her head up on her hand, Scully watched the little girl fade back to sleep. It was amazing how kids could do that. She touched her face gently and pushed a strand of hair back off her brow. Lily seemed to have more hair than she thought other two year olds had. It just touched her chin and was very fine. A delicate fringe of bangs covered her forehead. Scully remembered her mother telling her once that she had had an abundance of red hair from an early age... The thought touched Scully, and with a sudden surge of emotion, the realization that this little person was hers hit her. For the first time she let the affection come. Leaning down to kiss the child's forehead, she pulled her close and settled down to join her in sleep. And just like that, the bonding process had begun; and Dana Scully started to fall in love with her little girl.

Saturday morning the phone in the office rang unanswered. Sitting at home on his futon, Mulder replaced the receiver and sat back. Good: she hadn't gone into work today. That was a good sign. So she and Lily would spend the day together... he wondered how they'd fare. He debated about whether or not to go over there, not knowing if she really wanted some time alone so they could get to know each other or if she'd appreciate Mulder being there for support. He couldn't decide. Usually, Scully was so easy for him to read, but he couldn't quite figure what she needed from him on this one, what he could possibly do to help. Then again, he knew her better than most, and he should probably go with his instincts...

Scully was pleased to see Mulder at her door. "Hi, what are you doing here?"

He stepped into the room and smiled at Lily, who was playing on the floor with some pots and pans. She was wearing a tee shirt and a pair of the smallest jeans Mulder had ever seen. She smiled and displayed a wooden spoon to Mulder, widening his grin.

"If it's about work, this isn't really a good time," Scully said apologetically, "I um, I wanted to spend the day with Lily..." Scully watched for his reaction. Normally, she was on 24-hour, seven-day-a-week call with her partner to talk about work; she hoped he'd understand.

"No... actually I just came to see how you were holding up; if you needed anything."

Holding his gaze for a moment, she wondered if he would ever know how much she appreciated that. She reached over and gave his hand a quick squeeze.

But he didn't let her draw her hand away, he held onto it and she looked at him with surprise. That tension was there between them again, that attraction that turned a tender moment into an awkward one and, for just a moment, suspended them in a place where nothing else existed but the two of them.

Lily came over and pulled on his coat, reminding him that he was wrong. "Hi," she said brightly. His presence always meant...

Mulder smiled at her. "What? You want these?" he teased, displaying his keys.

She shook her head at him. "What you have? I see?" Lily was smack-dab in the middle of her language explosion, and Mulder got the biggest kick out of her cave-speak.

"I think she's got my m.o. down, Scully," he said with a smile, reaching into his trench coat pocket and pulling out a small stuffed bear. He always brought her a little something when he came.

Lily took the toy from him and smiled her thanks. "Mee- ow," she said-- bear, cat, dog... to her it was all the same.

"It's nice of you to bring those things," Scully said. "Between you and my mom she'll have an adequate supply of toys in no time."

Mulder smiled reassuringly at her. He knew it had been a rough couple of weeks. She'd been trying to get everything she needed for the baby, but she seemed to run into instances where she needed something she didn't have on almost a daily basis. Mulder also knew her mom had been a tremendous help, but Scully was feeling overwhelmed.

Lily watched Mulder curiously. "What that guy doing here, Mommy?"

"Guy?" Mulder asked incredulously... if not a little insulted. He looked over at Scully. "Well I guess I should be glad she didn't say 'dude'."

Scully smiled down at the little girl. "Who is that, Lily?"

One hand cradled the bear, the other she kept close to her as she pointed at him. "Man."

Scully picked her up. "That's Mulder." Glancing at him, she teased: "Not Fox, Mulder."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be 'guy' for quite a while?"

Lily lay a small hand on Scully's cheek. "Where my neeks, Mommy?"

She was looking for her sneakers; Scully had told her they were going to go to the playground. "I don't know, where'd they go?" she asked, walking back into the living area with her and setting her on the floor.

Lily displayed her hands questioningly. "Where go?"

Scully grabbed her waist playfully. "Did you eat them, Lily?"

"No eat them, Mommy," she laughed.

"No?" Scully interrogated, tickling her stomach.

"No!" Lily bent forward as she laughed and tried to push Scully's hands away.

Mulder's smile faded as he watched the scene. And for the first time in the course of his and Scully's relationship, he felt like an outsider. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. "Well," he said as Scully looked up at him, "I'm going to go."

The disappointment on her face was evident. "Oh..." Scully swallowed. Did she really think Mulder would want to come with her and her kid to the playground? Of course not. "Okay, well thanks for stopping by. I'll see you Monday."

Their eyes held.

Mulder turned and left.

Mulder made himself scarce. He didn't want to intrude, and he was trying really hard to understand she needed the time to get to know her little girl, and he would never, never make her feel guilty about that. So they saw each other at work, and he would drive her home now and then and bring Lily some toy. But that was it. He would give her whatever time she needed. She deserved that from him. But it was hard-- he missed her. Before, it was plain to see-- not that either of them would've admitted it-- that they needed each other. Now, he wondered if maybe that wasn't so true anymore; at least not for her. She had Lily. Maybe Lily satisfied some need in her that he never could... and that thought devastated him more than any other.

Scully wondered what was going on with Mulder. It seemed like she rarely saw him these days, aside from work of course. Fortunately, things were slow on that end, so she could devote her attention to Lily. She was reluctant to invite Mulder on "family" outings with Lily... she didn't want him to feel responsible for filling in that part of the little girl's life; the last thing she would ever want would be for him to think she was some needy single mom who was on the hunt for a father figure for her kid-- not that Mulder would ever think that, but still... She often wished he'd volunteer to come along or suggest they do something together just for the simple fact that she missed him. But obviously, he was uncomfortable with the situation, and she would never push. The bottom line was that he was always there for her, even in this- - he'd been so supportive up until the lasst few days; maybe he just needed to get used to the idea... and if he couldn't? That was a possibility she didn't want to consider.

When Scully called in to say she was taking the day off, Mulder assumed it was to spend it with Lily. He was surprised when he went to drop off some papers she'd forgotten to see Margaret Scully in the apartment. She was coming around the corner from the bedroom when Mulder came in. "Mrs. Scully?"

"Oh Fox you scared me!" she said with a smile. "I didn't know who that was coming through the door."

"Sorry about that... Is Dana here?"

"No, she just wanted to take some time for herself today. I'm not sure exactly where she went, maybe into Georgetown. She didn't mention it to you?"

He shook his head at her. "No." Mulder followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter next to her as she prepared Lily's lunch.

Maggie got the distinct impression he wanted to talk to her about something. "Did you want to leave a message? I'll tell her you stopped by..."

"No that's okay. I just brought some papers she forgot. I didn't think she needed them, but just in case..."

"Well I'll tell her you were here."

They were silent for several minutes as Maggie finished preparing lunch and started on some breakfast dishes in the sink.

Mulder studied the floor.

"You know, Fox, you've been a real help to Dana. She really appreciates everything you've done."

Mulder looked over at her with surprise. "I haven't done anything..."

"You've been there for her, Fox," she said pointedly.

Mulder stared at her.

"It's true. Dana said she doesn't know what she would do if you weren't there for her through all this."

He turned to better face her. "Really? Dana said that?"

She nodded, and Mulder felt like he'd just found something he'd lost.

It was a cool and misty afternoon, so Scully was alone as she sat on the bench overlooking the Potomac. After she'd spent a few hours walking around Georgetown pretending to window-shop, she decided to head down to the water and sit for a while so she could think away from the crowds of shoppers. Her thoughts were consumed with Mulder, their friendship. She felt like he was slipping away, and didn't know what to do about it. Was he afraid of getting too close to her now that she had a child? It would be just like him to worry about Lily becoming a target like she herself had. Or was he just upset because he felt like she would no longer be as committed to their work together? When she'd sat on that bench for close to an hour and she still didn't feel any better about the situation, she sighed and stood. Darkness was settling in, and she decided to head back to her apartment.

At home, Scully continued to mull over her thoughts as she worked on the dishes. She was scared to talk to him about what was going on, but she didn't know what else to do. Suddenly, the sounds of Lily talking to herself drifted through the baby monitor. Scully was thankful for the diversion.

"Get shoes. Shoes. Mommy get Lily shoes."

Scully smiled to herself as she listened.

"Playground. Go playground 'morrow."

She was silent for a minute, and all Scully could hear was that gentle baby breath. She started again. "Time go. Time go home, Lily. See Mommy. Time see Mommy. Bye Bye."

Scully's face fell. She was barely aware of the sound of glass shattering as the cup she'd been drying hit the floor. She turned quickly and headed for the bedroom.

Lily looked over at her as she entered. "Go sleep Mommy?"

Scully crouched down by the small bed. "No not yet. Lily, what did you say about home?"

"Home."

"That's right. What did you say?"

"Here home."

"Yes, but..." frustrated, Scully couldn't think of any other way to ask her. "Lily... before you came to *this* home, where were you? Do you remember? Can you tell Mommy?"

Lily stared at her, and Scully could see she wasn't getting through. "Playground 'morrow Mommy?"

"Sure." Scully gave her best effort at a smile. "Sure we can go to the playground tomorrow. Come here." Scully picked her up and hugged her tight.

The following morning Scully was surprised to see the lights in the basement of the J. Edgar Hoover building turned on: Mulder was there already. She braced herself outside the door, then swung it open.

Mulder looked up at her. "Hi." She didn't look like she was in any mood to talk, but Mulder really wanted to clear the air with her.

"Hi." She headed over to the desk, avoiding eye contact with him. She placed her briefcase on the floor and slipped off her coat. All right, better get this over with. "Mulder--"

"Scully--"

They spoke simultaneously: "You first."

Scully lowered her eyes and smiled. "Okay I'll go," she said, then looked back up at him. "Mulder... is everything all right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well... it just seems like you haven't been around much lately. I mean you can still call me or stop by if you want to talk about a case or something. It was just that that day--"

"Scully," he stood and moved around to her, sitting back against the desk. "It's not like that. I just want to..." he motioned with his hands, "you know, give you some time with Lily, to get to know her. I don't want to be in the way."

"In the way? Mulder..." she shook her head at him.

"I understand, Scully."

"No I don't think that you do."

Mulder stared blankly at her and she didn't know what to say. How could she tell him she needed him more now than ever?

He stood and stepped closer. "Look, I'm still here for you if you need me, Scully. I just figured you wanted some time with Lily."

"I do, but that doesn't mean that I want less time with you... anytime you want to come over, or call, that's fine, that hasn't changed."

The corner of his mouth turned up at her in appreciation, but he still regarded her uncertainly.

"I'm not abandoning you, Mulder," she assured him. And she hoped he wouldn't do the same.

The days moved on; soon a month had passed, and Scully's fears of abandonment soon went to rest. Mulder was great with Lily, and Scully was so grateful to him. Most partners would've bailed a long time ago. But then Mulder wasn't just her partner, he was her friend. And for that she would always be thankful.

While Scully was down in the laundry room, Mulder typed away on Scully's computer. Lily played quietly with her toys in the middle of the room. It wasn't long before she grew bored and wandered over to the desk where he was working. "What doin'?"

Mulder smiled at the big blue eyes staring up at him. "Nothing that I couldn't use a break from." He reached down and pulled her into his lap. Reaching over for the stack of CD-ROM's, he pulled off Myst and started to boot it up. "You want to play a game?"

Lily examined the blank screen. "Where game?"

"Hold on, you'll see..." and as they waited, she rested back against his chest, and Mulder leaned in to smell the top of her head. He was fascinated by that sweet, pure scent, that clean freshness that eventually fades with years of marinating in pollution and UV rays. He leaned in further, pressing his cheek against her small one and giving her a hug.

She reached up and patted his face.

Mulder smiled against her cheek, and then she sat up as the monitor came to life, watching with fascination as the sounds and pictures danced before her eyes.

Scully came into the apartment hearing Lily instruct Mulder as she pointed to the left side of the screen. "You go there please."

"Mulder if that's Doom II we're going to have to have a serious talk."

He smiled at her over his shoulder, then returned his attention to Lily. "Okay that's enough for now." It was nearing the time Scully liked to give Lily her bath.

"Not over," Lily complained.

"We'll play more another time."

"No that's all right," Scully sat on the couch, "you can play a few more minutes if you want."

"You sure?" Mulder asked.

Scully nodded and sat back on the couch, reaching for the remote as she did. Mulder seemed to be spending more and more after work time with her and Lily and Scully wondered what exactly was going on. Sure, after they'd had their talk, she assumed she'd be seeing more of him, she just didn't think so *much* more. Not that she minded in any way; it was great. But that still left her wondering why. She knew he had taken a real shine to Lily, but often he would stay long after the child had gone to bed. Maybe, like she did, he just missed that time that they used to spend alone together.

Not five minutes later when Mulder turned around to ask Scully if it was time, she didn't appear to be on the couch. Setting Lily on the floor, he stood and went over to peek over the back of the couch. Scully was fast asleep. Though she would never admit it, motherhood was exhausting her. Not wanting to wake her, Mulder draped a throw blanket over her and decided he'd give Lily a bath for her. He'd never been much of a baby person... he was much better at relating to older kids than small ones. But he and Lily were growing comfortable with each other now, and besides, how difficult could it be, right?

Mulder soaped Lily's head as she played contentedly with her little plastic doll, practicing one of her favorite words: "Bay-bee, bay- bee, bay-bee," she recited as she dunked the doll under and back up from the water repeatedly. She closed her eyes and sputtered as Mulder poured a cup of the warm water over her head to rinse out the baby-shampoo. She laughed and dunked her doll back under the water. "Water Da-dee."

Mulder froze. And like the Grinch in that ridiculous Christmas story, he suddenly felt like his heart had expanded to three times its normal size... and it scared the hell out of him. He stared at Lily as she continued to play. Scully entered the room and startled him.

"Mulder what are you doing?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, I was just giving her a bath for you. We're just finishing up," he said, pulling her out of the tub and reaching for a towel.

Scully shook her head at him- he never ceased to amaze her. These past few weeks, she had seen sides of her partner she never would've guessed existed. "Mulder you didn't have--" The phone rang out and Scully went to answer it. "Be careful," she called to him, "she's quick."

Unfortunately, her advice went unheeded; as Scully stood beside the couch trying to get off the phone with a persistent telemarketer, Lily ran into the room, still stark-naked. Mulder chased behind her with the towel. Scully hung up the phone and watched as Lily streaked through the room, emitting a steadily escalating squeal as Mulder descended on her and secured her in the towel.

Scully's smile widened; she was just too coordinated for her age. Obviously, she was destined to be the tomboy her mother had been. "I warned you."

Returning a rueful smile, Mulder threw her playfully over his shoulder and headed back into the bathroom.

Once Lily had been tucked into bed, Mulder came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Scully was straightening up. Mulder stood in the middle of the room and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "She's all set."

Scully turned around to face him. It suddenly seemed deadly silent in the kitchen. "Thanks." Smiling back, he stood there looking like he had more to say, and Scully got the impression he didn't want to leave just yet. "You want to watch a movie?"

The corner of his mouth turned up as he walked over to her. Standing close, he watched her for a moment with a playful look in his eyes. "What kind of movie?" he asked lowly.

Damn him; he loved to unnerved her like that. She swallowed, kept her cool. "Sorry to disappoint you, Mulder, but I'm afraid most of Lily's selections are of the 'G' variety."

He grinned at her. "Got any popcorn?"

Assuming that was a "yes", she smiled back and turned toward the counter. She reached for one of the cupboards.

Mulder watched her, and thought once again how much she and Lily looked alike. Lily, that little girl with bright eyes and her mother's stubborn streak. That little girl who had called him Daddy. He suddenly felt anxious, almost restless. "Actually, Scully, I think I'm going to go; but thanks anyway."

"Oh... okay." She watched him gather his things.

"I've got some things at home I want to do."

She nodded and watched him go.

Mulder spent the next few days consumed with his thoughts. He stayed away from Scully during those days, except at work. He tossed and turned throughout the night. That single word Lily had uttered had positively terrified him. Why? Maybe because a father is something he never thought he'd be. Ever. Not that he was now; but that little girl thought he was. Why wouldn't she? He was always around, they were always together... how many people had mistaken he and Scully for husband and wife during the course of their partnership? Why should Lily be any different? It wasn't that the thought of fatherhood was repulsive to him; on the contrary, it was just one of those things that he thought was reserved for other people. He couldn't even imagine himself being married, finding someone who would want to marry him. For one thing, they'd have to be someone who put up with him for the rest of his life, his dark moods, his obsessive tendencies. Someone who was intelligent and strong and not afraid to challenge him, but respecting him at the same time. It never occurred to him that he had just described Dana Scully.

And even if he did find someone like that... the idea of being a father was frightening. He didn't think he had it in him, but then, Lily didn't seem to care... so did he want to be a father to her? Yes, his instinct responded first. Was that such a bad thing? Maybe being a father to Lily was the perfect arrangement... he could have that taste of fatherhood with out actually having to go through that whole first part-- skip finding a mother and go right to having a child. He smiled at the thought. Scully would love that, right? Hey, mind if I borrow your kid? No, it wasn't going to be like that. If he was going to commit to this, it wasn't going to be on a trial basis. He couldn't do that to Lily. He would have to be in it for the long run. And that was just fine.

Mulder entered his partner's apartment and smiled at the sight before him: Scully was sacked out on the sofa, in spite of the blaring movie coming from the television. He suspected she'd fallen asleep just minutes after tucking Lily in. He opened the bag of fast food he was carrying as he went quietly to the couch, crouching down in front of her. He waved a French fry under her nose.

She opened her eyes sleepily and looked at him. "Mulder?"

"Hi. Want some fries?"

Sitting up so he could take a seat beside her, Scully reached for the remote and silenced the TV.

"I brought you a late night snack," he said, reaching in and pulling two burgers from the bag. He set them on the coffee table in front of them. "Hungry?"

"Yeah actually I am." She reached for her soda. "Thanks."

They were quiet for a while, which wasn't really so unusual, but she knew something was on her partner's mind... she just couldn't figure out what.

"So Scully have you thought about Lily's birthday?"

Maybe she was about to find out. "Birthday?"

"Yeah. Are you going to give her one?"

She hadn't really given it any thought, but he was right, and she felt a pang of guilt at not having thought of it first.

"I have an idea."

She looked at him curiously.

"September twenty-eighth."

"Why, what's the significance of that?"

He passed a napkin over his mouth. After a second, he looked back at her. "It was the day you were returned to me."

She tilted her head to the side slightly as she watched him, sometimes he touched her so deeply that it took every ounce of self control not to reach out and hug him. "Mulder..." she started, but couldn't find the words.

"And there's something else I've been wanting to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"Lily... she thinks... she called me Daddy the other day."

Her eyes widened. "Oh God, Mulder-- I'm sure she didn't... she just doesn't know." She started to ramble. "We just got this new picture book about families, and anyway we've been going through it, she generalizes, you know, I'm sorry, I'll work on your name with her--"

"No you don't understand-- it's all right. I didn't mind." He paused, staring at her intently. "I don't mind."

She watched him curiously. Slowly, she realized what he was saying. "Mulder... I can't let you--"

"This is not a decision I made lightly, Scully. I've given it a lot of thought. She's such a great kid; she deserves that from me. I want to be there for her. I want to be a father to her, I want to go to all those recitals and soccer games--"

Scully smiled at him. "Soccer?"

He smiled at his hands. "Hey I have big plans for her." His face turned more serious as he turned to face her. "God knows I didn't have the perfect paternal role model, Scully; but if you'll let me, I'll do my best for Lily."

Her tone was soft and serious. "Mulder... what are you going to do if you get married, have a family of your own someday? If I do?"

"If you do, then I hope you'll always let me be a part of her life."

"And you?"

"Well my dance card is pretty light at the moment," he joked, "I don't see that happening anytime soon. But it doesn't matter; when and if I do, I'll always consider Lily my first."

Her eyes filled with tears, and she loved him so much she thought her heart would explode.

Mulder had volunteered to keep an eye on Lily while Scully grabbed a quick shower. As she was getting out of the tub and reaching for her robe, she could hear Lily laughing joyously, almost uncontrollably, and she stole out into the living area.

Mulder was sitting on the floor, Lily was standing just in front of him with her arm outstretched to him. Mulder had her hand pressed against his lips, blowing against her palm to make indiscreet noises.

A wide smile appeared on Scully's face as she watched. "Having fun?"

He looked up quickly, and Scully could see that he was embarrassed... but that quickly faded off his face and he took on an expression she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Mulder watched her standing there, still wet from her shower, her hair piled on top of her head with damp tendrils clinging to her neck, in just that robe... and it did things to him he never would've imagined. He swallowed and stood. "Well I'm gonna take off now."

Scully was surprised by his sudden announcement of departure. "Oh... well thanks again."

He walked over and stood before her. Scully looked up at him expectantly, and she suddenly had the strangest sense that he was going to kiss her. But he didn't. Smiling mischievously, he carefully took hold of the collar of her robe and pulled it together; she was by no means exposed, his gesture was meant only to tease her. And that it did. He hesitated, and Scully could feel the color burning in her cheeks at his touch, even through that thick terry cloth. He leaned in slightly. "Bye."

He released her, and it was a moment before she could manage a response. "Bye."

Scully watched him as he reached for his coat. "Actually-- do you think you'd mind staying just a few more minutes while I change?"

"Sure, take your time." He was glad for an excuse to delay going home to his empty apartment.

"Great." She disappeared into her bedroom and closed the door.

Mulder looked back at Lily. She was looking at him expectantly, like she was counting on him to do something spectacular. Lily loved music, it didn't matter what kind, and Scully kept the radio on for her until she could go buy one of those tape recorders they made for kids. Right now the radio was tuned to an oldies station, and The King was singing about his Blue Suede Shoes. Mulder motioned to Lily. "Come here, Lily."

She stood and approached him.

"Come here, stand on my feet." He took her hands and steadied her as she placed her bare feet on the tops of his shoes. "You wanna dance with me?"

She cocked her neck all the way back to look up at him and nodded.

Mulder carefully started stepping slowly from side to side and then back, holding her hands securely in his.

Lily grinned up at him.

"Hey see that, you're dancing."

"Dancin'," she echoed.

The song was just finishing when Scully came back into the room in her jeans and a comfortable shirt, her hair brushed and casual around her face. She stopped short at the sight before her.

Once again that chagrined look on Mulder's face as he helped Lily off his feet.

"Dancin'."

Scully smiled at Lily. "So I see." She looked back at Mulder. "I didn't know you danced, Mulder," she teased.

Evidently, she'd forgotten about walking in on him and Phoebe that time in Boston; and he wasn't going to remind her. His smile was mischievous as he approached. "I do," he said, hooking an arm around her waist and pulling her to him.

Scully stiffened in surprise, then gasped as he dipped her. Their faces were close as they smiled at each other. Mulder straightened, pulling her back up, still holding one hand out to his left. The other rested on her back. Their eyes held. Mulder let his head fall forward slightly, resting his cheek against her temple, and started to rock with her. Slowly, she relaxed in his arms.

Sitting slumped back amidst the pillows on the couch, Lily rested her head on her hand. She watched mesmerized, as if one of her story books had come to life and the Prince and Princess were sharing a dance at the Ball.

Scully closed her eyes and let him lead her gently, swaying back and forth as Aretha Franklin serenaded them with her slow, soulful ballad...

Ain't no way for me to love you if you won't let me Ain't no way for me to give you all you need if you won't let me give all of me

Their bodies moved gently against each other as they danced and the slow-burn fire that had long-since ignited between them was fueled by the closeness, the motion. Mulder turned his face into her hair. She smelled so good.

But how can I how can I how can I give you all the things I can if you're tying both of my hands? And if you need me to love you say, say that you do please please please don't you know that I need you?

By the time they finished their dance Mulder's head was spinning and he was having a hard time getting the signal from his brain to his arms to let go of her.

Scully's legs were unsteady as they slowed then stopped their movement and she was glad he didn't release her right away.

They pulled back slightly, staring at each other.

"Well I better go," Mulder said, finally releasing her. The spot she had occupied was a cold vacuum in her absence.

Their eyes held, and after a moment, Scully straightened. "All right, I've got to get her ready for bed anyway."

"Not sleepy," Lily assured her.

Scully crouched down and smiled at her. "Not sleepy? You just want to dance with me now, don't you?"

Mulder watched as Scully picked her up and spun her around once, and his partner's face was filled with a joy he had never seen. He had admitted to himself that he'd quickly grown to love Lily, but as he watched the two of them now, it was in that second that he realized he had fallen in love with her mother.

It had probably started long before then, but it hadn't really hit him until that single instant when she smiled at her daughter and the pure happiness there filled his heart. What the hell was happening? How was he going to stop it? And most importantly... did he want to? Lily had changed everything, brought he and Scully together on a new level... one that was much more personal. She'd shifted their worlds around like plate tectonics, and suddenly their entire focus was different. She made him feel like nothing else in the world was as important; and every second he spent with her chipped away a little bit more of his disillusionment and cynicism at this world. That little girl had completely stolen his heart... and her mother had had it for a long time. Then, he could see clearly what he wanted: them-- Dana Scully and her daughter. And the strangest thing was, that wasn't such a scary thing at all.

Scully sat on the floor in front of the couch with Lily in her lap. She opened the new book her mom had just bought for Lily as the little girl waited excitedly. The first page showed a colorful picture of the world, with child-like drawings of children of various ethnic backgrounds holding hands around the circumference.

Lily smiled and pointed at the picture. "Earth."

A chill darted up Scully's spine. "How did you know that, Lily?"

"Kids playin'," she said, running her finger over the children in the picture. "You turn page please?"

Scully obliged her, but her brows drew together in concern as she did. Of course, she could've easily have learned that word on Sesame Street... but Scully had the feeling that there were just things about her daughter she may never know.

When they'd finished the book, Scully helped Lily make a bridge from blocks. Lily was quiet, and Scully was left to her thoughts. They were, of course, with Mulder... with what had been happening between them. Lily had filled a strange void in her life, one she hadn't even known existed, but at the same time, she never felt more lonely... and maybe that was exactly why she was feeling this way about Mulder. He probably wasn't even aware of what was happening; here he was being wonderful and supportive and she was lusting after the poor guy. She sighed inwardly and tried to focus on the task at hand.

A soft knocking on the door interrupted their construction project and Scully got up to answer it.

Mulder displayed a file as he stood in her doorway and offered an unsure smile. "Can I run some things by you?"

"Of course, come on in. It's almost Lily's bed time anyway."

The little girl came running over to him with outstretched arms, her face lit up like a Christmas tree; she wasn't expecting a toy, they'd long since nixed that particular ritual, she was simply thrilled to see her favorite "guy".

Mulder brought her up into his arms and gave her a hug before setting her back on the floor.

She looked up at him expectantly. "Playground?"

"Sure, you drivin'?"

Lily smiled, knowing she was being teased, and placed her hands on her hips. "Settle down now," she mimicked in the exact tone she'd heard her mother use on several occasions.

Scully smiled and rested a hand on her head. "That's my girl. You tell him."

Mulder smiled back at her, then their faces grew more solemn.

"You wanted me to look at those files?"

Lily sat on the couch watching one of her videos while Mulder and Scully sat at the desk behind her going over the files. She had been stubborn about going to bed, Lily always hated to go to sleep when Mulder was there, so they'd set her up on the couch, knowing in a matter of minutes she'd be out anyway. The room was dark except for the light by the computer where they worked and that coming from the TV. It got late, and they eventually decided to call it quits for the night. Scully realized the video Lily had been watching was long since over. She got up from her chair, and Mulder followed her over to the couch. They looked over the back of the sofa at Lily. She was sound asleep. They watched her for a moment.

"She looks so much like you," Mulder whispered.

"Uh," she grunted softly. "Poor thing," she joked.

"What? I'm serious... she's going to be beautiful."

Scully looked up at him, their eyes held. "Well," she cleared her throat and started to lean over the couch, "I better get her to bed."

Mulder stopped her by laying an arm over hers.

She froze.

"Why don't you leave her here for a while?" he whispered, and when she looked up at him, his face was intense with... she didn't know. Was she misreading him again? She straightened and stared at him. He probably had just changed his mind and had a few more things he wanted to run by her about the files. "Well I'm going to get her another blanket." Scully didn't hear Mulder follow her into the bedroom, so she was startled to see him standing in the doorway when she turned around. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes now.

Mulder watched her in the moonlight, and his heart was pounding in his chest. He closed the door most of the way, leaving it open a few inches to be able to hear Lily if she woke up. Walking over until he was standing very close to her, he held her face lightly.

Her skin started to tingle, the only thing she was aware of was broad shoulders and the smell of warm skin. "Mulder..."

"What?" he asked, daring her to resist him.

She had quite suddenly lost her grasp of the English language and could not answer.

Taking a step closer, their bodies touched gently, and he lightly brushed his lips across her open mouth. A small noise escaped her as he did so, and then he kissed her upper lip, then her bottom one, and she was left thirsting for the full feel of his kiss, of his mouth against hers. And then he obliged her, pressing his mouth squarely against her, his tongue slipped between her lips and the desire shot through her lower half; she drew her arms up around his neck and held him tightly.

He lay her back on the bed, and she could feel his hands moving over her, sliding underneath her clothes, the pure arousal of his gentle, hungry kiss.

They worked steadily at each other's clothes, but were still partially dressed when their bodies came together at last. He was so completely turned on by the emotional experience that the sex seemed merely his body's afterthought. It was the culmination of the three years of intellectual intercourse they'd been engaging in, and it was more than a simple biological act; it was an expression, a growth of their friendship and love. "You're so beautiful..." he whispered to her, "I've wanted you for so long..."

As he moved on top of her, he suddenly had this image of her... of his cool and professional partner, and he couldn't believe this was actually happening. He slowed momentarily, and her eyes opened to look at him. Their gaze held. And through the all the passion and desire, two friends smiled at each other, because they were happy, because they were making each other feel so good, because they had everything in the world that they could want.

As they neared the end, her breathing became louder, more labored. "Sh-sh..." he whispered through their kisses, not wanting to wake Lily. But she was losing it, so Mulder put his mouth over hers, kissing her deeply as he swallowed the sounds of pleasure that escaped her. A few seconds later, his own was lost somewhere in her neck.

When it was over, they held each other tightly, kissing, caressing each other; the love was powerful between them. And though they couldn't say it, the words were locked in that embrace. Soon, their kisses and caresses became more hungry, more passionate, and they made their way to each other again, and again; they couldn't get enough of each other, and it was very late before they found sleep.

Later in the night, Mulder got up from bed, and, slipping on his boxers, went out to get Lily off the couch. They hadn't intended on falling asleep, but sheer physical exhaustion had denied them any say in the matter. So in a moment of panic Mulder jolted from sleep, remembering she was sleeping out there. She was curled up on the couch, snuggled up to one of the pillows. Mulder smiled and gathered her into his arms; always amazed at how small she was. "Not sleepy Daddy," she mumbled from somewhere in her dream state. Mulder's smile widened. Once she was settled back in her bed and he'd secured the safety bar, Mulder slid back into bed. Scully was sleeping on her side, facing him. He pulled her to him and kissed her softly. She responded to him, kissing him back though still half asleep and he wanted more than anything to roll her over and have her once more... but not with Lily in the room. He took a deep breath and hugged her close, willing the sleep to find him. First thing in the morning, they were going to have to start looking for a two-bedroom apartment.

End

To those who read the first one: don't tell me you didn't see this coming! ;-) Angst, minor season three references to Apocrypha, Quagmire and Paperclip... oh, and it's a cliffhanger :-) The final segment will be out in the next week or so. Thanks for your patience!

*The following story is based on characters copyrighted by Ten *Thirteen Productions, created by The Man, Chris Carter, and *who are the property of the Fox network and are used without *permission. No infringement intended.

The Offspring 2: Without a Trace

The day's first delicate rays of sunshine filtered through sheer white curtains and filled the bedroom with a warm hazy glow. Mulder opened his eyes to find he was looking directly into Lily's. Evidently, she had mastered the art of scaling her bed's safety guard. She watched him.

Mulder smiled at her.

"You sleep over."

"Yeah I did..." Mulder glanced over at Scully, who was still sleeping soundly. Sometime during the night she had slipped on her nightshirt. He turned back to Lily. "I uh..." he looked at her, at those innocent eyes... and he suddenly felt extremely guilty about the unspeakable things he'd done to her mother the night before. "I got really tired and fell asleep."

That answer seemed to satisfy her; she pulled herself onto the bed and crawled over him to get to Scully. "Time wake up, Mommy."

Scully smiled drowsily and pulled her closer, taking in her warm and sleepy scent. Lily snuggled up to her.

"Does she always get up this early?"

Scully finally opened her eyes and looked at him over Lily's shoulder. "I haven't used my alarm clock in months."

Lily maneuvered over Scully and slid off the bed. She ran into the living area, her bare, chubby feet slapping against hardwood floors as she went. "Fruit Loops!" she yelled excitedly as her voice disappeared into the kitchen.

"Settle down, Lily, I'll be right there," Scully called to her. She looked up at Mulder.

"Fruit Loops? You don't really let her eat that stuff, do you, Scully?"

Her mouth curled up slightly: she was guilty. There was no telling what Lily's life had been like before she was returned; and because of that, Scully had to admit, she had a tendency to want to give her everything her heart desired now.

Mulder rolled over and brought her into his arms, suddenly finding Lily's breakfast habits were the farthest thing from his mind. "Hi," he said, leaning in to kiss her.

"Hi."

His smile was boyish. "I had fun last night."

"Me too."

"I think I used muscles I never knew I had..."

She suppressed a laugh.

Mulder pulled her closer and drew her into a lingering kiss, letting his hands run down over the smooth fabric of her nightshirt. He rolled on top of her, and she could feel the desire rising in him. "I want you," he whispered between kisses.

"Mulder..." she whispered back. And she wanted him more than anything.

With a quick groan of frustration he rolled off of her. He ran a hand through his hair and looked back over at her. "Okay, why don't you go get her some breakfast. I'll go take a shower."

The look in her eyes was playful. "May I suggest a cold one?"

"They don't make water that cold, Scully," he said with a smile.

She gave a short, quick laugh, the gem that she seemed to so rarely bestow on him and it widened his own grin. She got up and headed for the living area. Lily was standing in front of the TV, watching a cartoon with wide-eyed interest. The program flipped to commercial and an advertisement for the very thing Lily had requested only moments ago appeared on the screen.

Lily pointed at it and looked back at Scully with awe and delight. "Loops," she said.

Scully came up behind her and brought her into her arms, holding her several feet above the floor. She pressed her cheek against the little girl's. "Lily you're not hungry are you?"

"Hungry," she agreed, then clasped her hands in front of her in anticipation. "Down please."

Scully smiled. "Down?"

Lily squirmed excitedly in Scully's arm. "Yes!" she laughed, "I go down now."

Mulder came into the room pulling his tee-shirt on, still in his boxers.

Lily outstretched her arms to him. "Help help!"

Smiling, Mulder rested his hands on his hips and teased: "You're on your own, kid."

Lily shrieked gleefully as Scully shifted her until she was holding her above her head.

Mulder took pity on the little girl and approached them, easily lifting Lily out of the hands of the petite woman who'd been holding her.

"Hey..." Scully complained as Lily was essentially air-lifted from her grasp.

The child's eyes were bright with excitement; she looked down at her mother expectantly.

Scully smiled and tried to reach up to her. "I'm gonna get you, Lily!"

Her laughter escalated as Mulder held her higher above his head, out of Scully's reach. Lily had that infectious, joyous laughter and Mulder couldn't help but smile.

Suddenly, the three of them turned their heads in unison toward the door: keys were turning in the lock.

Her eyes wide with panic, Scully turned to look at Mulder. "My mother..."

Mulder quickly handed the little girl to Scully and went back into the bedroom. He grabbed for his trousers and shirt and ducked into the bathroom.

Scully met her mom at the door as she was entering. "Hi, you're early."

"Well I figured you'd be up. Where's my girl?" She smiled brightly as Lily came running to greet her. "Hello, sweetheart," she said as she reached down to hug her. Straightening, Maggie suddenly realized her daughter was still in her nightshirt. "Dana why aren't you dressed? Aren't you going in to work today?"

"No I think I'm going to take the day off today."

"Why what's wrong?" She reached out a hand and gently touched her forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom-- really. I just didn't get to sleep until late last night; I'm tired."

"Sleeped over here," Lily contributed.

"Lily," Scully said quickly, "why don't you go get your new book-- you can show it to us, okay?"

She headed off for the bedroom. "Kittens, mittens," she said, indicating the subject matter of her book.

Maggie turned back to her daughter. "Well then, if you don't need me I'll go."

"Actually, maybe you could take Lily to the playground? I promised her and I'm not really feeling up to it. It would be nice to have a few hours to myself."

Maggie eyed her uncertainly. "Are you sure you're all right? Your cheeks are rosy, Dana; have you taken your temperature? Maybe you have a fever. You don't want to give anything to Lily-- "

"I'm fine," Scully assured her.

The two women stared at each other. Maggie got the distinct impression her daughter was trying to get rid of her.

Scully started to sweat under the scope of her mother's dubious gaze. "Well I'll go get Lily dressed," she said, disappearing into the bedroom. She scooped up Lily as she was on her way back out with the book. "Judas," Scully joked, picking her up and holding her upside down.

Lily laughed.

"You want to go to the playground with Grandma?"

She nodded from her upside-down position.

Scully shifted her upright and set her back on the floor. They shared a smile before Scully turned toward the dresser and pulled out some clothes. Lily refused to wear dresses, her little jeans and a T-shirt being her favorite ensemble, and Scully conceded... she never liked dressing up either when she was a kid. And besides, she was planning on saving that particular battle for when Christmas came around and she wanted Lily to wear something nice. So she helped her slip on a dark green shirt and, after steadying her as she stepped into them, clipped her overalls fastened over it.

They headed back out to the living area. "There's not much to eat in the house," Scully said as she helped Lily with her sneakers. "I'm going to do some shopping this morning. Could you take her to get something to eat on the way?"

"Sure."

Scully stood. "Great. Well I'll see you two later then."

Lily headed towards the door.

"Hey you," Scully crouched down and indicated her cheek, "kiss."

Lily turned back around and went to Scully, her mouth pre- puckered in preparation for the kiss she was about to give.

Scully smiled and kissed her good-bye. Once they'd left, she turned back around and hurried for the bedroom.

Mulder was standing in the middle of the room, dressed but his shirt unbuttoned. "Coast clear?"

She nodded at him. "I hope Lily doesn't say anything to her before I get a chance to."

They stared at each other in the bright room, the ridiculous noise of cartoons from the other room accentuating their awkward moment: they were both still a little uncomfortable around each other when it came to this particular aspect of their relationship.

After a moment, Scully closed the door and walked slowly over to him. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him lightly.

The desire immediately encompassed him, and his arms came around her. He pulled her tightly against him as the blood started to move more quickly through his veins, every thought and feeling from the previous night washed through his memory and quickly drown him in their sensation. "Scully..." he whispered, backing her towards the bed. He fell with her on top of it and thought how naturally it came to be with her... They made love again.

Afterwards, Mulder sat up and once more reached for his trousers.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to get a paper."

"A paper?... *Now*?"

He turned slightly to look at her. "We need to start looking for a bigger place."

Bigger turned out to be a comfortable two bedroom near DuPont Circle. It was the perfect size for the three of them, and because it was located on the first floor, they enjoyed the luxury of a small, private courtyard where Lily could play.

Mulder walked down the hall to the kitchen to see what that noise was. They'd been in their new apartment for almost a month, but they were still settling in, boxes in various stages of unpacking were littered through the apartment. So they'd planned to take the day and finish up. Mulder had been in the other room working on a box of miscellaneous items when he heard rustling in the kitchen. Scully had gone out to get some lunch makings, so that meant his little mischief maker was probably getting into something again.

He was right. When he got into the kitchen, Lily was standing beside a box. Ever the little explorer, she had decided to investigate one of the cartons to see what its contents were. She had opened it to find one of the favorite dolls she'd been looking for since the move, but one of the doll's legs was popped out. She displayed the amputee to Mulder. "Baby broken," she said miserably.

That night during the Pfaster investigation when he held Scully after she broke down in his arms, Mulder thought he'd felt it; but as he looked at Lily now, he knew that for the first time he was truly experiencing what it felt like when your heart crumbled. He went to her and knelt down. "It's all right," he said gently, "You came to the right guy, know why?"

She shook her head at him.

"This just happens to be a specialty of mine; I had a little sister and I used to do this for her a lot. Here, lemme see..." he said, taking the doll from her. He glanced up at Lily; she was looking at him with complete confidence.

Mulder swallowed. There was no way he was going to let that little girl down. But it was easier said than done, the leg slipped around the open socket but refused to slide into it. Mulder applied more force-- he was an FBI agent, in top physical condition, an Oxford educated psychologist and top criminal profiler--he would not be beaten by a plastic leg. The disembodied limb skimmed past the opening and the sharp plastic edge raked across the back of his hand. "Dammit!" he hissed, then looked self-consciously back up at Lily. "Sorry-- hold on..." Mulder was learning that fatherhood did not come easily to him, that it was a challenge. And though he figured that it was something everyone had to work at, he couldn't help but think he was having particular difficulty. He tried the leg once more. Finally, it snapped into place. He smiled and held the doll out to her. "See? What'd I tell ya?"

Lily took the toy from him and passed the back of her hand over her eyes. "Thank you Daddy," she said.

Mulder smiled at her.

She reached out and hugged him, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Later that night, Lily lay in bed playing with her stuffed bear. Only the soft glow from the fish tank they'd moved from Mulder's apartment illuminated the room. She held up Bear over her head as she rested back against the pillows. "Mommy brush Lily teeth. Mommy. You too, Bear." After bouncing him up and down on her stomach several times, she settled Bear beside her. "You sleepy. 'Night... sleep tight... no bugs bite..." She turned her head toward the fish tank that was now hers and watched it for a minute. "Fish swimin'."

A sudden noise startled her, and Lily sat up in bed as familiar reddish-orange strobing lights began to pulse outside her bedroom window. She tilted her head to the side and watched as her window silently slid open and an unnatural breeze began to blow around her room. She clutched her teddy bear closer. Her hair blew wildly around her face as she hopped off the bed. She gave one quick, defiant "No!" before turning and scooting under her small bed until just her pyjama-clad feet were sticking out--

Scully sat up straight in bed, drenched in sweat, terrified from her vivid nightmare. The abruptness of her movements caused Mulder to wake up almost simultaneously; he reached out and grabbed her wrist as she started to bolt from the bed. "Scully what's--"

She yanked her wrist free and stumbled out of the room and into the hallway. Turning to look to the end of the hall where Lily's bedroom was, an overwhelming sense of vertigo came over her, and suddenly the hallway seemed to stretch to twice its length. "Lily," she whispered, and started for her door. Her legs felt like rubber, but she managed to gain momentum and run down to her room, throwing open the door.

It looked like a hurricane had blown through her room and left a scattering of toys in its wake. Lily's bed was empty. She was gone.

"How could they do this to me?" Scully's voice was tight with despair and outrage. "How could they? Why would they give her back to me just to take her away again? How could they be so cruel?" The tears were streaming down her face as she turned to look at Mulder, and she could see he was no less effected. They sat on the couch, barely cognizant of the forensic unit that was further ransacking the child's room down the hallway. Scully leaned forward, her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes red with exhaustion and sadness. Mulder sat beside her, one arm draped across her shoulders. The other he placed comfortingly over her hands.

She leaned into his chest, her face seeking the warmth of his neck. Scully knew there would be no clues left behind, no fingerprints, no footprints outside the window, no trace of Lily... and she was right. A solemn-faced detective approached them several hours later and informed them that they had found nothing, that she appeared to have vanished without a trace. It was as if she never existed.

A week went by.

They'd found out that virtually all of the children returned that night had disappeared again-- all the same night from locations up and down the eastern seaboard. Bewildered local authorities were left with no clues to the missing children's whereabouts.

Scully was sure her heart was so broken it was beyond repair. She could barely stand the pain, the aching of her very being that she could only describe as making her feel as if she were missing a limb. She was sick at the thought of what might be happening to her baby, where she might be. She thought about it constantly, and tonight was no different; as they sat in silence on the couch retracing the vague, less-than-encouraging leads they were working on, Scully's thoughts were far away. She stared at the list of some of the girl's names and thought how cute it was that they'd named each other after flowers: Rose, Violet, Daisy... and of course, her Lily.

Mulder watched her. After a second, he reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm just..." Scully looked over at him and tried to offer a smile in appreciation. "You know, thinking about her."

He nodded in understanding.

"I just keep wondering..." her voice grew thick, and Mulder could see the tears welling in her eyes as he studied her profile, "Is she scared?"

"Scully--"

"Is that why she hated going to sleep at night, because she somehow knew this was going to happen? And I wonder... did she get to know me enough to miss me?" Her voice broke at the last word and she brought a hand up to cover her face.

"Scully... look at me."

She complied, regarding him with huge, sad eyes.

"We'll find her," he said reassuringly. Turning back to the coffee table in front of them, he held his hands up over the files and nodded. "We're going to find her," he said resolutely. "It's too soon to give up."

She found little comfort in his words.

Another week went by.

Scully found herself struggling to keep her day to day routine, finding no motivation for even the most mundane of tasks. Food bored her, and sleep seemed to sneak up on her only when her body could no longer offer any resistance. She started shedding pounds as if they were petals from a dying flower and dark circles punctuated the sadness in her eyes. As she sat on the bed now looking over some photos, she might have been wearing someone else's clothes-- they hung on her like rags on a scarecrow.

Kneeling beside the bed, his hands folded in front of his face, Mulder watched her with concern. She scrutinized the photos in front of her, holding the pictures close to her face and turning them from side to side. Her eyes passed over every inch of the photograph.

The Chinese food he'd made a special trip for in hopes of enticing her to eat remained untouched by her side. Her mother had been by almost every day to bring her a meal with the same expectation, but she would only pick at the food. "Scully will you *please* eat something."

She didn't appear to have heard him.

"We've been through those a hundred times."

Silence.

He lay a hand over hers as she continued to scan a photo. "Dana?" he tried softly.

"Mulder take a look at this," she said, placing the photograph before him on the bed's surface. "Do you see something here?" She indicated a portion of the picture.

He glanced at the photo, having seen the same pictures over and over. More than anything, he wanted to see something there, too... but there wasn't. He eyed her carefully, then attempted to lighten her up. "A tooth...?"

"I think I'll set this one aside and bring it in to Agent Pendrell tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's Sunday, Scully."

"I'm sure he'll be able to get me a clearer image." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and Mulder thought how it lacked the luster he had once loved so much; he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her wash it.

Mulder pulled himself onto the bed. He sat behind her, curling his body around hers as she sat hunched over the photographs, and tucked his chin into her neck. He held her.

She didn't seem to notice.

That night Mulder had a horrible dream. He was awakened from sleep by a loud thud and got out of bed to go investigate. The sound had come from Lily's room. He crept down the hall and slowly opened the door to her room. He was immediately aware that someone was in Lily's bed, moving under the covers. His heart leapt to his throat. Slowly, he approached the bed, then pulled back the covers. A young girl several years older than Lily stared back at him. She had pale blue eyes and long dark hair.

Mulder turned back toward the open window. "No..." he breathed. His voice rose: "You brought back the wrong one... wait! You brought back the wrong one!" He started at the feel of an icy cold hand on his arm and quickly turned back toward the bed.

The girl was now sitting up. Her ghostly face was wan and expressionless. "Did they, Fox?"

Mulder woke abruptly, breathing heavily and his heart racing in his chest. And he knew... he would give Samantha up if it meant getting Lily back; because getting Samantha back would be everything he ever wanted; but having Lily returned would bring Scully back to him.

Rain tapped lightly on the window and rolled lazily down the pane. Scully watched the drops descend. Next to her in the bed, Mulder shifted in his sleep. She was exhausted with the monotony of running the same questions through her head over and over. No answers would come. They'd used all the resources available to them to try and get something, anything that might give them a lead to Lily's whereabouts, with no luck. All they'd come up with was a few scant leads that she knew were destined for failure. She was as certain of that as she had been that night Lily was taken that the nightmare she had was no dream. Strange, she thought, her mother had told her she'd had a similar dream the night she herself had been taken away... Her eyes dropped to the floor, and the waves of despair washed over whatever hope she had remaining.

A short time later, Scully slipped quietly from bed and went down to Lily's room. She opened the door and entered. The place was exactly how she'd left it that night; she hadn't been able to go in there since. Toys were still strewn from wall to wall, Lily's bed was still unmade. Scully picked up Bear from the floor just along side of the bed. Her mouth curled into the slightest smile as she regarded him. Looking up once again at the window, Scully listened to the gentle hiss of rain. Like dim candlelight through a thick night fog, an idea came slowly to her; and she wondered why she hadn't thought of it before.

Mulder had kept his apartment for appearance's sake; his inheritance from his father's estate had allowed them to do so. They were fairly sure their superiors had some idea about what was going on between them, and though the Bureau's current "don't ask, don't tell" policy afforded them some peace of mind, they didn't want to flaunt the fact. Mulder hadn't been there in weeks, so the place felt stale and musty. Scully stared at the room for a long time. Was she doing the right thing? Shaking the doubts from her mind, she went to Mulder's desk and opened the top drawer. She pulled out the masking tape.

Scully paced in the bowels of the parking garage. She couldn't even be sure this mysterious informant of Mulder's would show, but she had to try. He had turned down her plea for help before, but he'd also helped her once, and she had to take the chance that he would help her now. She turned toward the approaching sound of footsteps.

The man slowed at the sight of her, and for a moment Scully thought he was going to turn and leave without saying a word. But he didn't; he approached her slowly. "Why is it that I feel like I was just set up on a blind date?"

"I need your help... you've helped Mulder before; you've helped me--"

"I know what you want. You're partner already came to see me, and I told him what I'm going to tell you: I can't help you."

"You can--"

"I'm not here to embark on your personal crusades, Agent Scully... yours or your partners." He turned and walked towards the darkness.

"No wait... "

He continued to move away from her.

"Please!"

Scully stared after him and watched as he slithered back into the shadows. The frustration coursed through her and brought tears to her eyes. He knew. Something. Maybe not exactly where Lily was, but he had information-- she had seen it in his eyes.

On the way back to Mulder's apartment Scully considered her encounter with the nameless man. She would try again, even if it meant risking her own life, because she had to know. Even if Lily were...dead-- she needed to know. A sudden rush of images assailed her-- lifeless trees against a gray sky, a biting wind carrying dry leaves through an old cemetery, a tiny white coffin being lowered into its earthly tomb... Scully closed her eyes and pushed down those thoughts as she passed through the apartment building's doors. No, she didn't really believe that. They'd kept Lily alive for this long, she was sure they had a vested interest in keeping her that way.

Scully arrived at Mulder's door and entered the apartment. She went to the window and peeled the masking tape X off the window.

"You don't look well, young lady."

Scully whirled around, sliding her weapon from her holster and displaying it in the direction the voice had come from in one smooth movement.

The well-manicured man Scully remembered from Mulder's father's funeral was standing in the shadows. She kept her gun trained on him. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might be interested in some information I have."

"Information?"

"Yes that's right. I heard about what happened to your little girl. Terrible tragedy."

Scully lowered her gun, but only slightly. "Where is she?"

"My you don't waste any time do you? I'm afraid I can't tell you where she is."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know... at least not exactly."

"Why, why was she taken?"

"My dear you're a scientist; surely you can appreciate the statistical significance of longitudinal data."

Scully shook her head at him, her eyes blazing. She forced the words out through anger. "Lily is not data--"

"I wasn't referring to your daughter."

Scully's eyes widened at the implication: he was talking about her. But they'd been through this before-- that rainy afternoon in Klemper's greenhouse. Somehow the ideas he proposed didn't seem as ridiculous as they had that day. Scully swallowed. "Are we talking about hybridization?"

"No. Not in this case."

"Then what? What can you tell me about the children's fathers?"

"That is something I do not wish to reveal at this time. However, I do believe I might be of some assistance to you in this current matter." He held out a piece of paper to her.

Scully carefully approached him and took the piece of paper. She glanced at it before looking back at him. "What is this?"

"A name."

"I can see that. I need a location."

"I'm afraid I can't give you that. What I can give you is a name. You find this man, you'll find your little girl. He will lead you to her."

Scully eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you helping me?"

"Why indeed..." he stared at her for a moment, then turned and exited, leaving Scully staring after him in the dark apartment. She looked back down at the scrap of paper, and her heart was filled with a miraculous thing: hope.

Mulder entered the apartment and shrugged off his coat. It was late, and Scully hadn't come into work again today. He'd been trying to hold things down on that end the best he could, but it wasn't easy and the late nights were exhausting him. "Scully?" he called out into the apartment.

There was no response.

He tried again. "Hey Scully you here?" He pulled his tie free and loosened the collar. Maybe she was sleeping; he hoped so, she hadn't been getting much of that recently. What was that beeping noise? Mulder scanned the apartment in search of its source; since he entered, there had been a soft beeping noise in the background. Then he realized what it was: the computer-- he had an e-mail message waiting. He sat at the desk and opened the message. It was from Scully:

Mulder-- What could I possibly say to make you feel better about this? It would kill me if you thought that you were anything less important to me than you are. You changed my life, and I could never forget you. I have to do this, and I have to do it myself-- you have your own battles to fight. I know how important Lily was to you, but the bottom line is really that this is mine to take care of; that this is *my* war to wage. I've spent far too long shying away from confronting what happened to me, from finding those responsible, and because of that I sacrificed almost three years of a life I could have known with my daughter. I can't lose any more time with her. I don't know what I might be up against, and I can't subject you to something that might endanger your life. I need to know you're here, and that you're safe. That will keep me going. I have to find her, whatever the cost... even if it costs me you. I know how angry you'll be with me about this, Mulder; but I hope someday you'll come to understand, and even to forgive me. I don't know anyone who has stronger beliefs than you do, Mulder. Despite everything, you always believed that someday you would find your sister. We *will* see each other again. Please-- have faith in that, too. I love you.

Long after the screen saver had kicked in, Mulder sat alone in the silent apartment staring at the monitor.

"Where is she?"

Frohike stepped aside as Mulder breezed through the door and into the center of the room. He looked over at Byers and Langley.

Mulder repeated his question. "Where is she?"

Langley spoke up. "She's not here."

"She was," Byers added. "But we couldn't help her."

Mulder let out a long breath and sank into a nearby chair.

Frohike walked over to where Mulder sat and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry, dude."

Mulder sat in his car beneath an underpass working on a bag of sunflower seeds. It was late and the road above him was deserted. He glanced at his watch: two-thirty a.m. He'd spent the last few weeks sticking his nose in places he knew were guaranteed to direct some attention in his direction. It had paid off: earlier that evening he'd received an anonymous message to be in this location at two-fifteen. He looked back at his watch: two thirty two. What the hell--

Bright head lights surfaced over the knoll behind him. Mulder got out of the car and waited.

The car rolled to a stop and the man he'd been hoping to see emerged from inside. He walked slowly toward Mulder until he was within a few feet from where he stood.

"How did you find me?" the well manicured man asked.

Mulder flashed him a wry smile. "I knew if I did enough poking around in sensitive areas, eventually you'd find me." He stepped closer. "Where is she?"

"Would you be talking about your partner or her little girl? Poor dear..."

Mulder detected the slightest bit of flippancy in the man's tone. His jaw tightened. "You know I'm talking about Scully. What did you tell her?"

"I'm afraid I don't know where she is; I gave her a lead to follow, but she was on her own from there." He raised his eyebrows as he spoke, his tone was high with aloofness. "No telling where she might be now."

They stared at each other for several seconds before Mulder spoke. "You sent her on a wild goose chase," he stated flatly.

"I gave her what she wanted: hope. Something to hold on to."

Mulder studied the gravel at his feet and shook his head. He looked back up at the man with contempt. "Why? Why would you even bother?"

"You see my colleagues take their work very seriously; they don't like people nosing around, getting too close. As much as one might... appreciate the work that you and your partner do, it might also be necessary to distract you from time to time."

The thought of what he'd done to Scully, giving her false hope that would no doubt destroy her once she eventually hit that dead end... And most infuriating, he'd sent her away from him-- for nothing. And now he might never find her. Mulder watched with frustration as the man retreated to his car and started the engine.

Driving back to their apartment, Mulder's stomach burned with anxiety and dread. It took every thing in him, but he would not allow himself to feel defeated; he would keep looking for her, however long it took. He just hoped it would be before she hit that dead end.

The months moved slowly on.

Scully spent her every waking hour tracking the one likely lead she had; the one she'd received from that man. Despite the fact that she'd yet to find anything substantial, she felt pretty good. The hope had nourished her, filled her veins with strength, fueled her appetite. She started to fill out her clothes again. But as she passed through the motel's door and into the lobby now, she had to admit it sometimes wore on her, the endless searching. Now she knew how Mulder felt all those years tracking his sister. Mulder... she tried not to think about him too much, but it was hard; she missed him terribly. It was a lonely life. Some nights she'd wake up and had to struggle to remember where she was, what town she was spending that particular night in.

She arrived at her room and entered, the thought of a warm bath and a little Chinese takeout foremost in her mind. Closing the door behind her, she flipped on the lights and turned around. She stopped short.

Mulder was sitting in the chair.

Scully swallowed and stared at him in shock; she was completely taken aback by his appearance. His hair was hanging limp across his forehead, he was unshaven, and the stubble shadowed his jaw. He was wearing jeans, and his black leather jacket covered up the dark blue mock turtleneck shirt underneath. One hand he rubbed absent-mindedly over his mouth as he tapped his foot restlessly on the floor. She could see his jaw was clenched tight.

Finally, he looked up at her, and the fury smoldered just beneath his eyes. After a moment he stood.

"Mulder..." she didn't know what to say.

"So tell me something Scully: were you ever going to come back?"

"Mulder I'm sorry--"

"Answer me!" he yelled, picking up the remote off the table and flinging it across the room.

Scully flinched as it splintered against the far wall. "Yes! Listen to me--"

"You expect me to believe that now? After all this time?" he yelled again.

"Would you please calm down?"

"I'm not gonna calm down! How could you do this to me?!"

"Mulder--"

Scowling, he turned away from her. He had spent the last few months not only searching for her, but also searching for his own patience... but understanding why she went away didn't do anything to quell his hurt and anger.

Scully watched him, not knowing what to do; it was so difficult to get through to him when he was like this. She slowly walked over to him and reached out to touch his arm.

He pulled from her grasp and walked away, pacing restlessly in the center of the room. Finally, he came to rest, his back to her. He stared at the door, and Scully could see it was taking all of his self-control to keep from demolishing her motel room.

"Mulder," Scully said, walking around him so that she was facing him, "Mulder..." But he wouldn't look at her. She swallowed and continued anyway. "I tried to tell you--"

"I know what you told me," he seethed, his tone bitter, "I got your e-mail."

She placed her hands on her hips, her own anger starting to swell. "Don't get sanctimonious with me, Mulder. When you ran off to Alaska--"

He finally looked at her. "That was different, Scully."

"How? How is that different?"

"Look, when we took our friendship that next step, that was a commitment; at least it was for me..." his voice trailed off as he struggled for the words. After a moment, he shook his head. "I thought we meant more, Scully."

"I've *always* been committed to you Mulder. Even before we got... 'involved' in that way. That never changed for me. It didn't hurt any less because we weren't sleeping together."

Taking hold of her collar, he backed her into the door. "I don't understand what you're saying to me Scully-- are you telling me this was some kind of act of revenge?"

"NO," the tears welled in her eyes, "no... I didn't know what else to do, I just needed to find her. I have to find her..." she hung her head as the emotion overwhelmed her.

His voice softened. "Scully, I can't..." closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers and inhaled deeply, "I can't spend my life looking for you; it's been so hard trying to find her, it's taken so much away from me. And now Lily... I can't lose you, too, Scully. I can't..." he shook his head against hers, "I can't understand..." His voice seemed small and far away as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close. The words were muffled at her neck: "How could you leave me alone?"

And for the first time she realized the full impact her leaving had had on him: Mulder had spent his life essentially alone, had grown used to it... until he met her. When he'd tasted what it was like to really be one with someone, to have a true friend-- even before they'd taken it to a sexual level-- she had effectively rendered him incapable of being alone again. "I'm sorry Mulder." She brought her arms up to embrace him. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't want to be alone, Scully," he whispered, once again resting his forehead against hers. He could feel the heat from her flushed face through the emotion there, and she was aware of the same from his.

"You're not, you're not I'm sorry..."

"Don't leave me alone."

"I won't; I promise. I'm sorry."

He kissed her cheek; it was sticky with tears.

"I won't leave you."

His lips brushed the corner of her mouth.

"You're not alone," she whispered against his face.

Their lips touched lightly through salty tears.

Mulder let out a tremulous breath and pulled her closer as all those long nights he'd agonized through without her caught up to him. "Scully..." he whispered.

"I missed you..."

He brought his lips back to hers, kissing her forcefully, pushing her hard against the door. A tremendous conflict of emotion was warring inside him-- anger, desire, relief, and perhaps most pervasive, intense love. His hands groped her roughly, ravenously, rediscovering all the places he'd longed to touch; they hadn't made love since the night Lily disappeared. His hold on her against that door was tenuous at best, so he turned with her and headed for the bed. They made their way to each other hastily; frenzied and desperate for the other, and found their rhythm quickly amidst the blankets and pillows. He needed to have her, to be inside her, because when they were in that place, everything was as it should be...

Afterwards, they snuggled close in the bed, suspended between sleep and wake, enjoying all the sensations that made them feel as one-- their warmth, their scent, the gentle rhythm of their breathing.

"How did you find me?" Scully asked sleepily as she lay curled on his chest.

She could hear the smile in his voice. "I work for the FBI, Scully."

Smiling into the dim moonlight, she snuggled closer. They were silent for several minutes. Scully rolled over and pulled a piece of paper off the night stand before turning on the light. She settled back against Mulder's shoulder and held up the paper.

"What's that?"

"I'm not sure. I've been tracking this man, this name--"

"I know--"

"And then this morning this message was left for me at the front desk. I did some checking; it's an abandoned underground facility just outside of town."

"Scully, there's something you should know: that man, the one you went to see..." she shifted her head up to look at him, and as he stared into her eyes, the last thing in the world he wanted to do was be the one to tell her this. He swallowed, knowing he was just going to have to spit it out. "He sent you on a wild goose chase, Scully."

Her brows drew together. "No... no that's not true, Mulder. I've been tracking this name..."

He lay a hand on that beautiful face. "Scully," he said gently, "they just wanted to distract you. There's nothing to find."

She continued to regard him doubtfully.

"I'm sorry."

Staring at the piece of paper in her hands, she remained silent.

"Scully, come home with me, we'll start looking again--"

"No."

"No?"

She slid off the bed and started dressing. "No," she repeated, louder this time. "I'm going anyway, Mulder. I have to." Pulling her shoes on, she headed for the door.

Mulder reached up and grasped her wrist securely.

She turned to face him.

"I'm coming with you."

Their eyes held. She could see there would be no discussion on the matter.

The place was worse than the silos they'd wandered through in North Dakota-- pitch black and freezing cold. They'd spent over an hour exploring the facility, with no luck. Eventually, they came across an area that had several locked doors on either side of a seemingly endless tunnel of hallways. Each door had a small glass window in the center, but it was nearly impossible to see through them.

Scully lagged behind as Mulder disappeared around a corner ahead of her. She peered into the filthy glass, but all she could see was a warped portrait of her own reflection staring back at her. Scully jumped at the sound of a loud thump from further down the hall. She shined her flashlight in front of her. "Mulder?" she called. There was no response. She took off down the corridor. Thinking the worst, she rounded the corner. Mulder was lying on the floor clutching his stomach, trying to catch his breath. Scully ran over and crouched down beside him. "Mulder are you okay what happened?"

The corner of his mouth gave the suggestion of a smile. "I got sucker punched," he breathed.

She smiled lightly back at him and tenderly ran her fingers down his cheek. "My hero," she joked. Another loud noise further down the hall grabbed their attention. Scully got up and started to run towards it.

"Scully no... wait!" Mulder reached out but was unsuccessful in grabbing her ankle. In a matter of seconds she'd disappeared around the corner. The man who came out of nowhere and hit him seemed right on cue; he had wanted them to follow him: they were being led somewhere. Groaning slightly, Mulder got to his feet and headed after.

When he finally came to the end of the hallway, the small corridor opened up into a vast room. It was so large that it was nearly impossible to detect any walls or a ceiling. Scully was standing a few feet in front of him, shining her light around the room to try and detect its confines. "Scully..." he approached until he was standing behind her.

"What do you think this is? I can't see--"

They both started as a bright light appeared directly in front of them. It was accompanied by a strange breeze and a barely perceptible metallic odor. The breeze began to blow with more force, wailing around them like chanting ghosts.

Scully started to run toward the source of the light. Mulder took off after her. He grabbed hold of her shoulders as she tried to lunge forward. "What are you doing, Mulder? It's her! I know it!"

But all he could think was: they'd been set up.

"Mulder!"

"Scully don't go near it!"

She turned sharply and pushed him away before heading back toward the light. Mulder charged for her, knocking them both to the ground. Scully's face came within inches of hitting the pavement as Mulder's weight came down on top of her. She could feel his breath at her ear. "What are you doing?!" she yelled over the noise.

"I'm sorry, Scully!"

She twisted and writhed underneath him. "Mulder I swear to God I'll never forgive you for this! Get off of me!"

Not relinquishing his hold in the least, he stood with her, but she was too damn wiry.

"Damn it Mulder let go of me!" She broke free and headed for the blinding light.

Mulder stood motionless, only aware of that deafening shearing sound, like wind whipping through sheets on a clothesline. "SCULLY!" he screamed, and the words were instantly swallowed in the wind. He headed after her, but she had too much of a head start; she grew smaller and smaller, it was growing more difficult to see her as the light she was heading toward blinded him. Then, an explosion of both light and wind sent his arms up to protect his face. It only lasted a split second, and then it was gone. He lowered his arms and took in the sight before him: everything was gone-- the light, the wind, the noise. *She* was gone. "No!" he yelled into the darkness. The single word echoed around him in the strange cavern. He stood there in silence for the longest time, breathing heavily, forcing that damp, musty air in and out of his lungs. He looked back at his flashlight as it lay abandoned on the floor, sending out a single pathetic beam in that abyss of darkness.

Mulder sank to the floor.

Suddenly, another light appeared before him, and his heart skipped a beat. "Scully..." he whispered. The light was bright, it shone right at him, but it was different this time: quiet. He waited. Slowly, a figure appeared in the center of the light, distinguishable only as a shadow against the back drop of illumination. As the figure neared, Mulder could see there were actually two: a man, and he was holding the hand of a small child. His heart beat faster and faster as they neared, stopping several yards in front of him. Mulder squinted at the figures, he could barely make it out... and then he saw it: a burning orange- red ember in front of the figure's face, a light twisting thread of smoke coiling up a few seconds later. His stomach rolled, his mind spun in confusion. The Cancer Man released her hand and the smaller figure approached. She neared, and Mulder realized with tremendous joy that it was Lily. She walked up to him, her face blank, barefoot and clad only in a white cotton night-dress. She seemed a little dazed and out of it, but Mulder could clearly see it in her eyes: recognition. Lily knew who he was.

He held her face and gently turned her head from side to side, examining her eyes. There were small puncture-like wounds on either temple. He'd seen those marks before: on himself; after Scully had rescued him from Ellen's Air Base all those years ago. "Lily are you all right?"

She nodded from her fog of disorientation.

Mulder looked back toward the light to see that the Cancer Man was disappearing back into the blackness. He called to him: "Wait!" He tried again, louder. "Wait! Where is she?" He looked in frustration and panic from the disappearing man to Lily and back again. He couldn't leave Lily standing there, and there was no chance he was going to bring her closer to that light again... and then his choice was made for him: the light began to dim as the man who for some incomprehensible reason had returned Lily to him disappeared entirely from his view. He looked back at the child and knelt down in front of her. "Lily where were you? Do you remember?"

"Man." She was trembling.

"Yes..." Mulder swallowed. "Did the man hurt you?"

"Don't feel good, Daddy."

"Where, where doesn't feel good?"

She brought her hand to her forehead.

Mulder put his hand over her small one. "Here? You have a headache?"

Lily nodded. "Scared."

He closed his eyes and pulled her securely into his arms, holding her tight. "I know... don't be scared, I'm here." He rested his chin on the crown of her head. "We'll be all right," he soothed.

The air was unnaturally still, strangely quiet in the face of their shared sorrow. The darkness consumed them.

Continued...

The Offspring 3: Challenge by Kelli Rocherolle 8/96

I'm having fun exploring the character of Mulder as a father, and that is the focus of this chapter. Though this one's not a cliffhanger (it stands complete as is), I do plan on writing more about it; I left some things not-so-neatly tied so I can unravel them at a later date :-)

*The following story is based on characters copyrighted by Ten *Thirteen Productions, created by The Man, Chris Carter, and *who are the property of the Fox network and are used without *permission. No infringement intended.

Every season has its change and I will see you when the sun comes out again...

Offspring 3: Challenge

That first week was a rocky one.

Mulder lay in bed in the middle of the night, his thoughts with Scully. How could she do it? How could she leave him only hours after she had promised him she'd never go away again? He reprimanded himself inwardly: that wasn't fair... he couldn't harbor any resentment toward her. She had been a mother blinded by the desperation to get to her child; she had reacted purely out of instinct. And Scully would be returned-- he had to believe that. It was only a matter of time. He turned to look at Lily as she lay next to him. That first week, Lily crawled into bed with him every night, and Mulder let her stay, though whether it was for her comfort or his he didn't really know-- the security system he'd had installed days after her return proved to be small comfort. He listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing. That was true comfort. He smiled at her sleeping face as she lay pressed against his arm, and as he closed his eyes, he hoped things would be all right for the two of them...

But it was a challenge. They were both trying to cope with the loss of the most important person in their lives, and with settling into each other's routines. Mulder struggled with the transition from Playmate to Primary Care Giver, and-- most importantly-- Disciplinarian. Lily didn't make it any easier for him...

The following morning Mulder was abruptly wakened by the harsh, loud noise of heavy rock music blasting through the apartment. He sat up straight in bed. "What the hell--?" He got out of bed and went into the living room.

Lily was standing near the stereo, her hands covering her ears.

Mulder stalked over to the equipment. "What are you doing?!" he yelled over the music.

Lily kept her hands over her ears even after Mulder had pressed the button and the noise abruptly ended. "LOUD," she said.

"You're tellin' me. What did I tell you about the stereo?"

"Wait."

"That's right, you wait for me and I'll turn it on for you. You can do the TV but the stereo is off limits."

"Okay Daddy. I sorry."

Mulder shook his head and tried to be understanding... maybe she was just acting out the hurt she was feeling, or maybe she was just testing boundaries with him, but either way, his patience was nearing its limits.

Later that night as he tried to give Lily her bath, the one activity in her routine he did know well, she once again would not cooperate. She stood naked by the side of the tub, her arms folded defiantly in front of her.

"Come on, Lily, it's time for your bath. Give me a break here..."

"No. No want bath."

"You like having a bath. Look, here's your favorite boat." He motioned the thing in front of her.

She wasn't buying it.

"Lily..."

She started shaking her head slowly from side to side. "No no no no no--"

"One way or another you're getting in this tub," he warned.

"NO."

"Lily..." He knew what was coming next; this past week, whenever she decided the world had done her wrong, there was only one person she wanted:

"Want Mommy do it."

Mulder stood and threw the boat into the water. "Well Mommy isn't here!" he snapped. Taking a deep breath, he stared at the floor, then knelt back down. He squirted some bubble bath into the tub, agitating the water with his hand to work up the suds. "It's just me..." he muttered at the foam.

The child regarded him with a curious expression, not quite knowing to make of his words or his actions. She didn't offer any further resistance as he picked her up and placed her into the tub.

Lily sank into the water and watched him as he reached for the soap and worked it into a lather. She didn't have to be any older to be aware that he was feeling bad. She held up the boat to him and smiled.

And he couldn't help it; her smile chased away his frustration and sadness, just as her mother's had so many times before. He grinned back at her.

The weeks rolled steadily into a month.

Mulder lay on the couch watching TV, his head resting against the sofa's arm, a pile of sunflower seed shells on the coffee table next to him. Lily was lying on top of him, her cheek pressed against his chest as they watched "Jeopardy!". Mulder caressed her back with his free hand. She seemed content, but Mulder always wondered: was she bored? He had to resist the urge to entertain her twenty four hours a day; he often felt as if he were remiss if he didn't keeping her busy. "Hey Lily, wanna shoot some hoops?"

She slid off the sofa and got her soft Nerf basketball, which was nearly the size of her own head. "Hoops," she said as she brought the ball to him.

Mulder took the ball from her. "You gotta pull it closer for me."

Lily went to the other side of the room and pulled her little plastic basketball hoop out further into the room.

"Okay here goes." Still laying on the couch, he took aim and lobbed the ball at the hoop. It bounced on the frame and fell to the floor. "Ouch! Denied..."

"Dee- nied," she agreed.

The suggestion of a smile surfaced on his lips. "You're supposed to say: 'you were robbed-- I don't think that hoop is regulation'."

Lily laughed at his nonsense and picked up the ball. She brought it back to him.

"No it's your turn. Go ahead-- take your shot."

Lily walked over to the hoop, which was about as tall as she was. She held the ball over her head with both hands and dunked it into the basket.

"Somehow I feel at a disadvantage..."

After a veritable slaughter by his wee opponent, Mulder shuffled into the kitchen. He stood in front of the open refrigerator, a look of consternation paining his face. What the hell else did you feed a kid Lily's age? He was running out of ideas, and was sure she was going to start boycotting if he put peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese in front of her one more time.

Being a father to Lily was more challenging to him than he'd expected. Scully had jokingly told him once that not even FBI training could prepare you for parenthood. She wasn't kidding: this was more difficult than any X-file he'd ever worked on. But he was determined: he could do this... he had to do this, for Lily. She needed him to be strong for her. What she would never know, what he would never admit, was that being a father to her was keeping him sane.

"What you doing?"

Mulder turned around and smiled at her as she entered the kitchen. "Makin' something to eat. You hungry?"

"Yes." She watched him as he balanced an armful of vegetables and transported them from the refrigerator to the counter.

He pulled a potato out of a nearby bowl and examined it. "Well, we got salad, and we can have mashed potatoes for a side dish. Now we just need a main course."

Lily continued to study him.

"What'd ya think?" he asked, holding the potato down for her examination.

Her brows drew together. "No eat 'tatoe, Daddy."

Mulder smiled and knelt down with it. "What? It's just a spud-- see? Short and squat... like you," he teased.

Her tone suggested that was the silliest thing she'd ever heard. She rested her hands on her hips. "Noooo," she retorted, shaking her head with a smile.

"I don't know," he said skeptically, then nodded at her, "I think so." He held it up next to her face. "Definitely a spud."

Her face turned serious, suddenly not quite sure if he were really just teasing her. She patted her chest and shook her head as she spoke. "Lily no spud, Daddy."

For the first time in a long time, he laughed.

A few slices of pizza and a hefty delivery fee later, they sat on the couch watching TV. Mulder wasn't a half hour into the show he was watching when the phone rang out loudly. From her position snuggled against Mulder's chest, Lily stirred in her sleep. He carefully withdrew his arm from around her and reached for the receiver. "Hello?"

"Fox?"

He sat forward on the couch. "Mrs. Scully? What is it did you hear something is Dana okay?"

"No no," she said quickly, "it's not about Dana. I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Not now, I was wondering if maybe I could come by in the morning."

Mulder wondered what was going on. He'd seen Mrs. Scully a few times since her daughter's disappearance, usually when she stopped by to see Lily, so this covert behavior struck him as odd. Scully hadn't seen much of her mother that month before she disappeared; she was busy with Lily, the new apartment, and with him. So she hadn't had the chance to tell her mother about the new status of their relationship. Mrs. Scully knew Mulder was spending a lot of time with Lily, so it didn't strike her as odd that he would sometimes answer the phone or be there when she showed up. And he couldn't think of any reason she'd want to speak with him like this. "Sure, what time?... All right, I'll see you then." He replaced the receiver.

Mulder pulled Lily closer, cradling her back against his chest and brought his attention back to the program he was watching. He fought sleep, but by the time Dave was instructing Paul for a little Viewer Mail music, he was ready for bed. He looked down at Lily. This had become their routine: late nights, Mulder watching TV while Lily slept beside him. He looked down at her and ran a finger along her cheek, where sleep had bloomed a wild rose. He gathered her into his arms and stood with her.

Waking slightly, she turned her head to rest her cheek against his shoulder. Her voice was heavy with sleep. "No bedtime yet, Daddy."

Mulder kissed her temple through fine red hair. "How about we listen before I tuck you in?" he whispered at her ear.

Lily nodded against his shoulder and Mulder carried her to the stereo. Balancing her weight in one arm, Mulder started the music. The song Lily loved to hear to help her sleep started quietly; it was from one of Scully's CDs, and had since become her favorite song; and it was his favorite song too... because it was their favorite song. He paced in the room with her as the light, soothing melody helped lull his little girl to sleep...

It felt like springtime on this February morning in a courtyard birds were singing your praise I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel all right I carried them with me today

Now as I lay me down to sleep this I pray: that you will hold me dear though I'm far away, I'll whisper your name into the sky and I will wake up happy

When the rhythm of her breathing had become even against his neck, Mulder brought her into her bedroom. She watched him through half-closed eyes as he tucked the covers up around her chin. "Night," she said sleepily.

"Night, Spud," he leaned in to kiss her forehead. He turned off the lamp by her bed and the photo-sensitive night-light clicked on. From the other room, the last echoes of the song drifted in and haunted him with their distant promises:

when the sun comes out again when the sun comes out again when the sun comes out again...

"Hello Fox. Where's Lily?"

He indicated the hallway leading to her bedroom. "Still sleeping."

"At this time of day?"

Mulder rubbed the back of neck and offered a sheepish grin. "I'm still workin' on a nap routine." Her face remained serious, and Mulder's smile faded. Resting a hand on her back, he motioned to a near by chair. "What's this about, Mrs. Scully?"

"Fox, there's no easy way to tell you this," she said, depositing her weight heavily in the chair.

Her grave tone sent his stomach twisting into knots. He sat across from her with his hands clasped in front of him, leaning forward in anticipation.

"I think..." she averted his gaze, then looked directly into his eyes. "I think Lily should come live with me," she stated flatly, her tone firm with finality.

Before the last word was even out, Mulder shook his head at her.

Maggie held up a hand to him. "I know how much Lily means to you, Fox. But you're really in no position to raise a small child on your own--"

"It's only temporary."

She tilted her head to the side in silent query.

"Dana's coming back Mrs. Scully, you have to believe that."

"Well-- that may very well be true, but we don't know when, or for how long she'll be gone... Please, don't fight me on this, Fox. I'm very fond of you, you know that. But I don't think you understand the long-term responsibility of raising a child; things are still new now--"

"She belongs with me." Avoiding her gaze, he pointed a finger at the floor as he spoke, as if to punctuate the sentiment behind his words. "Dana would want her here."

"You and Dana were partners-- friends-- but I know she wouldn't expect this of you, Fox. It's not your place, you can't feel responsible. Your friendship--"

"It wasn't just friendship anymore, Mrs. Scully."

Maggie's eyes widened at the implication. She had always suspected there was something more between them, but never believed they would actually cross that line. Especially not now, when Dana was trying to adjust to her new role as mother. And it made things much clearer to her. "Oh Fox, don't you see? You're hanging on to Lily because she's the only part of Dana you have left."

Mulder studied the floor as he shook his head. "No, I made a promise to Lily as well as Dana."

"She's not your daughter." Her voice had taken on a sharp tone.

Mulder raised his eyes to meet hers. "She is in every way that counts."

Maggie stood from the chair. "Well. You should know I've consulted an attorney... and you should also know he thinks I have a good chance of getting her."

His eyes burned with checked anger. He thought the world of Mrs. Scully, but she had no right to do this. "You do what you have to." Because, he thought, I *will* fight for her.

Their eyes held for several seconds, locked in mutual respect and caring, and with the frustration of this conflict.

"Well," she said finally, "I'll be in touch then, Fox." She turned and left.

"At least she didn't say 'I'll see you in court'," he muttered dryly out loud.

Mulder watched Lily as she played contentedly on the floor with her blocks. And he remembered a night so long ago when he stared into a starry night and silently pleaded with the sky to bring his friend back to him. The thought that Lily might spend the rest of her life doing the same tormented him. He shouldn't have let Scully go. He should've stopped her no matter what-- even if she wound up hating him. At least she would be here now.

Lily looked up from her tower and saw that he was watching her. She wrinkled up her nose and flashed him the cheesiest grin.

Mulder grinned back at her and pulled himself off the couch. "Lily," he said, sitting on the floor beside her, "can I talk to you?"

She put her block down and nodded at him.

"Do you like it here?"

She nodded again. "Home."

"I mean, you wouldn't want to go anywhere else would you?"

Tilting her head to the slightest bit, she regarded him with uncertainty.

Mulder passed a hand over his mouth. "Lily--"

"You help me please?" she asked, holding a block up to him.

"Sure," he said, taking the block from her and resting it on the structure she'd built. "Do you think you'd like to go stay with Grandma?"

Her eyes brightened with excitement.

"No, I mean, would you want to live there? Would you want that to be your home?"

Shaking her head, her brows drew together. "No, Daddy."

"No?"

"Stay here."

He nodded, barely containing his relief. "Okay."

"No want go."

"Okay-- it's all right." He ran a hand over her hair and offered a small smile. "You won't have to."

It was dark. Why were his dreams always so dark? The coldness embraced him, left him feeling alone and scared. Scanning his surroundings, he peered out into the blackness. Suddenly, far off in the distance like a shining star, a light appeared before him. It started to grow brighter, warmer. And then he could see a small figure coming towards him, running at him with outstretched arms. It was Lily, and he could see that her face was filled with happiness. Then, the strangest thing happened: Lily started to change, to grow taller, older. Her hair began spooling out behind her like ribbons of copper until it was streaming down her back. By the time she was in his arms she was a beautiful young woman. An overwhelming sense of pride, of peace, settled over him. And he knew in that instant: regardless of blood or legalities, she was his. Nothing could ever change that.

Mulder examined Lily's reflection in the mirror in front of them. She looked adorable. Mulder had picked out the dress himself, with Lily's help of course: a simple dark blue cotton one with a delicate lace collar. For himself he'd chosen the best suit he owned and his favorite tie... such as it was. They were both decked out for court, and together they were a striking portrait.

Keeping her balanced on the stool with one hand, Mulder reached for a brush and carefully ran it through her hair, then attempted to fasten a barrette in it. The little bow-shaped clip slipped easily through her fine hair. He tried again, and again... "I thought these were for kids," he complained impatiently.

"No for kids, Daddy."

"Now you tell me."

Lily pulled on the collar of her dress.

"Lily stop that you're going to tear it."

"Hurts."

"There's no way that's hurting you," he said, running his finger inside the collar to see for himself.

"No want wear it. No like it."

"You liked it when we picked it out."

Their eyes locked. Mulder was a nervous wreck, and though she didn't really understand what was happening, Lily was also feeling the tension, and they were both getting on each other's nerves.

Mulder let out a long breath and tried to remember that he was the adult. "All right..." he reached over and grabbed a pair of child scissors off the bureau. Carefully tracing the collar of the dress, he cut out the lace. When he was done, he smoothed down the front with his palm. "Better?"

Lily nodded. "Better," she agreed.

"Okay come here," he said, lifting her up off the stool and sitting her on the bed. He knelt in front of her and slipped on her shoes. Lily played with his tie as he did, running the silky fabric through her hands again and again. When Mulder had fastened the buckles of her black patent-leather shoes, he looked up at her and offered a reassuring smile.

She smiled back at him.

"Kiss," he said, leaning towards her and pointing to his lips. She leaned forward and gave him a peck, which was more saliva than kiss.

His smile widened. "All set?"

Mulder was glad it was a closed hearing. He was no stranger to courtroom testimony, but he appreciated the unintimidating surroundings of the judges chamber's today. Mulder had decided not to retain the services of an attorney, and after her initial consultation, neither had Mrs. Scully. It was just the two of them, each trying to convince the judge why Lily would be better off with them. It was a situation neither of them wanted to be in.

After some preliminary information was given, the Judge queried the woman sitting across from him. "Mrs. Scully, what is your concern about Mr. Mulder retaining custody of your grandchild?"

She cast an uneasy glance in Mulder's direction. "Well," she started reluctantly, "I worry about... his stability..."

Mulder shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Images flashed quickly in his mind, images of freaking out in a DC hospital at his partner's bedside while her mother watched; of pushing into Mrs. Scully's home to get to his delusional partner. He could only imagine what else Scully had shared with her mother about him during the course of their partnership. He looked over at her.

Mrs. Scully's heart sank at the betrayal she saw in his eyes. She loved him like a son, and she did not want to hurt him. "What I mean to say is, I worry about his ability to provide a stable environment for Lily. I know Fox explained he's taken an extended leave of absence from work, but eventually he's going to have to return--"

Mulder directed his comments to the Judge. "I've already arranged for an at-home caregiver when I do go back to work."

"Your honor, it doesn't make any sense for Lily to be in any kind of day care or stay with a stranger. I'm home all day..."

"She'd be in day care if she were still with her mother."

The Judge interrupted, motioning to his assistant and informing him he wanted to speak to the minor child in question.

Maggie sat forward in her chair. "Judge she's too young--"

"She not too young to know what she wants, Mrs. Scully. And I'd like to hear it."

"But she may be too young to know what's good for her..."

The Judge quelled further comments with a warning look. While that was true, he still wanted to hear what the child had to say; and he also was curious to see Mr. Mulder and the little girl together.

The three of them watched as the assistant led Lily in. When he released her hand, she went directly to Mulder and climbed into his lap.

The Judge smiled at her as she settled into Mulder's lap and turned around to face him. "Hello there. What's your name?"

"Lily."

"Isn't that pretty," he said softly. "Lily, I'm going to ask you some questions, is that okay?"

She nodded at him. "Oh-kay."

He motioned to Maggie. "Who's this over here?"

Lily pointed at her and smiled. "Grandma."

"Oh I see... You like to visit Grandma?"

"Yes."

"Do you think you'd like to go stay with her for a while? Visit for a long time maybe?"

"No. Stay here."

"Stay where sweetheart?"

"Stay home Daddy."

Maggie's heart sank. She could see by the look in the Judge's eyes that this was not going well; it was very clear to her, and she was sure it must have been to the Judge as well, that the two people sitting in that chair were father and daughter.

Mulder attempted to keep Lily back as she reached for the Judge's pen holder.

"Well thank you very much, Lily, for coming in and answering my questions." The Judge motioned to the assistant to bring the child back out. Lily hugged Mulder as the young man approached, turning her face away from his extended hand.

Mulder caressed her back. "It's all right, you go ahead. I'll be right out."

Lily acquiesced, and when they had left Mulder and Mrs. Scully were left to sit in agonizing silence as the Judge looked over the written statements each of them had prepared. After a few minutes, he looked back at them. Mulder expected a soliloquy on the responsibilities of raising a child, a review of both he and Mrs. Scully's positive and negative points; the first half of which would express why there was no reason at all he couldn't keep Lily, but which at the last second would reveal that Lily would nevertheless be placed with her grandmother. Isn't that how it always was on TV?

He was wrong-- the judge was succinct: "Mrs. Scully there is no evidence to indicate to me that Mr. Mulder is incapable of raising this child. She's already lost her mother, I think separating her from the man she regards as her father would only further traumatize her. She stays with Mr. Mulder, that is my decision. Let the record show the court awards temporary custody of the minor child Lily Scully to one Fox William Mulder. To review in six months."

Mulder didn't actually believe it until the words were spoken. When it hit him, he remembered to exhale... and he smiled.

Mrs. Scully approached them as they were coming out of the bathroom; Mulder had changed them both back into comfortable clothes and carefully tucked their dress clothes back into his knapsack. He hoisted the pack over his shoulder as Lily wandered a little ways down the hallway. He looked back at Mrs. Scully.

"Fox, I hope you understand, I'm just concerned about Lily. I think the world of you--"

Holding up his hand to silence her, Mulder offered a small smile. "No hard feelings, Mrs. Scully."

She smiled warmly at him in appreciation and rested a hand on his arm. "Lily's a very lucky little girl."

Mulder looked down the hallway at Lily, who was playing with the water fountain. "You got that wrong." Lily ran back down the corridor to him and Mulder reached down to pick her up.

Maggie smiled and started to turn away.

"Mrs. Scully--"

She turned to face him.

"We were actually hoping you'd join us for dinner tonight. I think Lily would really like that... and so would I."

"Fox--"

Mulder smiled and slipped an arm across her shoulders. Holding Lily in one arm, he led the older woman down the hallway. "We're not takin' no for an answer. How about seven?"

She returned his smile and nodded. "All right then."

"Great. So tell me: do you cook?"

Mulder was happier than he had been in a long time; happy enough to make the usually detested task of grocery shopping almost enjoyable in the wake of his good mood. It's wasn't exactly the way he wanted to celebrate his victory in court; but he needed to get something for their special dinner guest tonight. He stopped in front of the toothpaste shelves, remembering that Lily's had mysteriously disappeared and he needed to get some more. For the life of him, he couldn't remember the kind Scully got for her; it was some kid's brand. He had made the mistake of assuming she could just use his, but the stuff was far too strong and he nearly turned the kid off from ever brushing her teeth again.

He perused the shelves. Nothing looked familiar. And there were about a hundred different kinds for children. He looked back at Lily as she sat in the carriage. "You remember what kind it was?"

She shook her head at him.

He pulled one of the tubes off the shelf. "GREAT BUBBLE GUM TASTE YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE!" the box assured him in big bold obnoxious green letters. Mulder twisted the cap off and forced a small amount out onto his finger. He held it out to Lily.

She stuck out her tongue and Mulder smeared the blob on it.

"Good?"

She nodded at him. "Bubble gum good."

He smiled. "All right... " Mulder pulled a handful of tubes off the shelf to prepare a few more samples for Lily.

A heavy set black woman wearing the store's trademark red smock approached. She had kind eyes set behind pointy bifocals, but her lips were pursed in disapproval. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop that."

"I'm sorry..." he leaned forward and read her name tag, "... Estelle. We're just having a little trouble deciding here..."

She clutched her hands in front of her substantial bosom and cocked her head to the side. "The trial sizes are in aisle 10."

Mulder nodded as she shuffled off, leaving them in her reproachful gaze as she went. He started to turn back to Lily when something at the end of the aisle caught his attention: a man. He was standing against the shelf watching them, though he'd quickly averted his gaze when Mulder caught his eye. He was now pretending to scrutinize the hand lotions. Had Mulder seem him outside the courthouse earlier? Or was his paranoia getting the best of him?

He took hold of the carriage and headed toward the cashier.

On the way home, he couldn't shake that nagging feeling that they were being watched. When Lily asked to stop at a playground they were passing, Mulder agreed, figuring it might be a good opportunity to see if they really were being followed. He opened the gate to the small grassy area and Lily ran to join the melee of other kids on the playground, still clutching the balloon he'd purchased for her at the check out. Mulder sat on a bench, placing the bag of groceries beside him. He looked around the playground, up and down the sidewalk; it didn't look like anyone suspicious was around, but he couldn't be sure...

He looked back at Lily just in time to find an older boy was trying to get her balloon from her. Stubborn as she was, Lily refused to relinquish it. Overwhelmed with protectiveness, Mulder got off the bench and headed for them, but he was too late. Deciding if he couldn't have it, neither should she, the older kid pushed her down. Lily watched helplessly as the thing floated into the air. Furious, she got up and ran at the much larger boy full force. A small scuffled ensued as Mulder reached them. He yanked the boy up and off of Lily by the scruff of his collar, trying to keep in mind the boy was just a kid too. "What, picking on someone your own size is too easy for you?" Mulder shoved him away and the kid took off.

Lily's cheeks were flushed with anger as Mulder crouched down beside her. He brushed the dirt off her jeans.

"Boy bad. Mean," she complained. "Balloon go up. Up 'kye."

"It's all right," he soothed, "don't worry we'll get you another one on the way, okay?" He took her hand in his, and after retrieving their bag of groceries, brought her home. He didn't give another thought to the man who'd been watching them in the store.

Mulder knew she should be in bed, but he just enjoyed Lily's company too much. They sat across from each other at the kitchen table, playing cards. Of course, they weren't really playing anything, Lily just liked to pretend. Mulder watched Lily study her cards intently. She was so cute. He continually marveled over how much she looked like Scully. Scully... Mulder hadn't heard Lily talk about her in weeks. Was she getting used to her not being around? Or worse: forgetting her? Mulder swallowed. "So tell me, Lily," he said, picking at a sunflower seed, "what's your last name, do you know?"

She lowered her cards slightly and looked at him.

"Can you tell me your last name?"

"Lily."

"No your last name."

She stared blankly at him.

"Scully."

She continued to stare at him.

"Can you say that?"

Smiling, she shook her head.

"Yes you can... come on, say it: Scully."

She rested her cards on the table and sat up, kneeling in her chair and leaning toward him. "Shcully," she tried.

Mulder grinned back at her and leaned forward on the table. "You know, you kind of shounded like Sean Connery when you shaid that..." he mimicked.

Lily laughed; she had no idea who Sean Connery was, but his altered voice amused her. "You stop that please. Settle down."

"Scully," he prompted again.

"Scully," she said, perfectly this time.

"There you go." Mulder got up to help her off the chair. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

As she trotted off for the bathroom to brush her teeth, Mulder thought about Lily's memories of Scully. He'd never considered the fact that she might forget her, and the idea made him sick. He couldn't let that happen. Walking over to the hall closet, he pulled out the box of pictures and other belongings of Dana's that Mrs. Scully had given him for Lily. It had been in the closet all week; each day Mulder thought that maybe if he waited another day it would be easier to go through. It wasn't.

He brought the box back out and placed it on the kitchen table. Slowly, he started pulling items out of the carton and inspecting them. There were old dolls of Scully's, some pictures and drawings she'd made as a kid, a book and some toys. But the worst were the pictures. Half a dozen framed photos of Scully: baby pictures, her first day of school, her graduation, more recent ones... Mulder swallowed the lump in his throat and took one of the pictures and the book into the living area with him. He set the picture on the coffee table, just the right height that Lily would see it every time she walked by. He headed down the hall to the bathroom to check on Lily.

She wasn't there. Her little toothbrush was lying on the counter, remnants of GREAT BUBBLE GUM TASTE YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE! foam caking on the bristles indicated she had been there only minutes ago. "Lily?" He tried her bedroom, but she wasn't there either. Pushing down the panic that was threatening to surge through him, he went quickly to his bedroom. There he found her sitting at Scully's vanity, looking threw some of her jewelry; it was strewn all over the bureau's surface along with some of her other belongings.

Lily turned to look at him as he stood in the doorway. "Mess," she said.

Mulder sighed in relief and went over to her. "Yeah you're pretty good at makin' those." He knelt beside her. Scully wasn't much for jewelry, so her collection consisted mostly of some earrings and a few necklaces. Mulder picked up a charm and held it in his hand. A flash of memory came to him, of standing in a police station and fondling the very same piece of jewelry as it hung on his partner's neck...{In our investigations, you may not always agree with me, but at least you respect the journey. And if you want to continue working with them, I won't hold it against you...}

"What this for?"

Mulder jumped at the sound of Lily's voice, feeling like he'd just been pulled through a time warp, and looked at the object she was extending to him: it was a long make-up brush.

"This?" Mulder took it from her. "You go like this..." he gently ran the brush over her cheeks, eliciting a wide smile from her.

"I do it," she said, taking the brush from him. "Close eyes, Daddy."

Mulder complied and let her run the brush over his face. When she was done, he looked at himself in the mirror. There hadn't been anything on the brush, but he pointed to his nose and said: "Think you missed a spot." She passed the brush once more over his face, and once more he looked in the mirror. "Definitely an improvement. Thanks, Spud." He displayed the book to her. "Hey, you wanna read a story?"

She smiled at him in delight.

Mulder sat on the floor and leaned against the bed. "Come here then," he said patting the space beside him. Curling an arm around Lily as she snuggled up beside him, he opened the book. "You ever heard the story of Moby Dick?"

Mulder slept soundly. It didn't happen often, but every now and then his body needed a thorough rejuvenation and he fell into such a deep state of sleep that wake was nearly impossible. His dream was a pleasant one. He was watching himself stand in a bright, sunny kitchen, busying himself with some unknown task on one of the counters. A young girl was rummaging around in the cabinets. It was Lily; a much older Lily. A black baseball cap that she was wearing backward covered her shoulder-length red hair. Rings on every finger and clothes he'd let her buy against his better judgment marked her adolescence. They were happy.

Her voice seemed to come from far away, distorted by his dream: "You up for another game of cards tonight, Dad?"

"Sure... if you want to lose again."

She continued to stuff various lunch items into her knapsack. "Lose? I'll kick your ass..."

Mulder smiled through the indignant tone he forced. "I thought I told you not to talk like that..."

"Oh right," she said, managing to keep most of the sarcasm out of her voice. "Sorry."

"You keep it up, kid," he teased, "but when we play tonight-- no mercy."

Lily smiled and went up to him as he continued to work at the counter. She hugged him from behind, an embrace that carried the love for all the soccer games he sat through in the pouring rain, for all the mother-daughter functions he'd come to over the years; for teaching her how to dance (again) before her impending prom; for holding her after her heart had been broken for the first time. For every single comforting word he'd ever uttered to her.

Mulder's heart was filled with love as he turned around to return her hug, but also sadness for the person who had missed out on all those things she should have been a party to. Suddenly, they looked up-- an alarm was going off around them, a loud, piercing tone that broke the peace of his dream... it was his alarm clock, signaling the sun was rising and he needed to get up and start his day.

Mulder stretched against the sheets and opened his eyes. It was still dark. His alarm wasn't ringing... it was his phone.

"Wake up, Spud." Mulder rested a hand on her chest and gently shook her.

Lily rubbed her eyes and looked at him sleepily in the dim light. He had thrown on jeans and a jacket over his tee-shirt. Her expression was grumpy as she watched him.

Mulder smiled at her. "The sun's shining."

She watched him curiously for a moment. Then, she smiled back at him.

Room 23. That's what Mrs. Scully had said on the phone: DC General, room 23. Mulder tightened his hold on Lily and picked up his pace down the hall. A nurse turned to look at the scruffy unshaven man and the haphazardly dressed little girl with untied sneakers as they moved down the hall. Mulder was holding Lily in his arms, but as he moved from a quick pace to a walk-run, Lily started to slip, and by the time they reached the teens he was carrying her at his hip like a football. She bobbed up and down with each stride he took. Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen; the rooms were rushing by him like some sort of bizarre countdown, each passing room leading him closer and closer... 20, 21, 22... finally: 23.

Mulder held his breath and pushed open the door.

Scully turned her head toward the door as it was flung open, then sat up in bed at smiled at them. It was the first genuine smile he'd seen her give since Lily had been taken, and his heart skipped a beat at the site of it. Scully's faced filled with relief at the sight of Lily, alive and well and safe with Mulder. She extended her arms out to her and Mulder brought the little girl over to the bed. Scully's eyes brimmed with unshed tears; she held Lily tight. "My baby. Thank God you're all right," she whispered, "I was so worried about you." When Scully had released her, Mulder sat next to Scully, pulling her into his arms. He held her so tightly that Scully was sure he was going to squeeze the breath right out of her. Her smile widened. They clung to each other in silence, the love between them more powerful than words could ever be. Finally, he said simply: "I knew you'd come back."

Scully was released from the hospital with no apparent injuries, her only condition being an acute case of fatigue and recent memory loss. Not that she or Mulder were surprised by that.

Scully looked around the apartment as they entered and she could immediately see that Lily's toy supply had literally double since she'd been gone. Lily ran past her and into the room, picking up a boat off the living room floor. She held it out to Scully. "Got boat, see?" She pointed toward the TV. "Got 'tendo." Scully raised an eyebrow and shot Mulder a look. "I see someone's been spoiling you..."

Mulder returned a guilty grin.

Though neither of them would've thought it possible, getting Lily to bed that night was more difficult than it ever had been before. They let her stay up later than she was used to, but when her eyelids grew heavy and she started to rub her eyes they tucked her in. Mulder came back out into the living room and smiled at Scully as she sat on the couch. They eyed each other awkwardly; it was the first time they had been alone since Scully returned. Scully offered a small smile. "So..."

Mulder stuffed his hands in his pockets as he stood in the center of the room. "So..."

After a moment, she patted the seat beside her on the couch. "Come here."

Mulder sat down and looked over at her.

"Thank you," she said softly, "for taking care of Lily. For everything. My mom told me what happened. It must have been hard for both of you."

He nodded at his lap.

"So what have you been up to these last few months?"

He made a disgusted noise and smiled at her. "You mean besides learning that I'm a horrible father?"

The corner of her mouth turned up the slightest bit. She shook her head at him. "I don't believe that for a second."

"Well maybe not horrible..." he half-joked.

She continued to stare at him.

After a long moment, he said lowly: "Missing you."

They spent almost an hour talking, catching up. Mulder filled her in on how Lily had been doing and gave her more details about the whole ordeal with her mother. They stared at each other awkwardly when it seemed there was nothing else to talk about but the one thing they'd been avoiding all night: their relationship.

As if on cue, Lily shuffled into the room from the hallway, groggy and scared from the nightmare fresh in her mind. Scully sat forward on the couch expectantly, longing to comfort her, to be the mother she'd been deprived of being for too long. But Lily went to Mulder and extended her arms to him. Her wide-eyed gaze regarded him with the utmost faith and trust, filled with love and adoration, and Scully could see quite clearly that he was her world, that he was the one person in her life she looked to to make everything all better. She tried to push down her rising jealousy.

Mulder brought Lily into his arms and stood. "Sometimes I walk with her when she can't sleep," he said to Scully over her shoulder.

Mustering a smile the best she could, Scully nodded in response. She watched him pace with her, and she was sad. She wanted to be the one her little girl came to. She hoped that someday, she would be again.

After a few moments, Mulder stopped walking. "Okay time to tuck you in," he whispered to a drowsy Lily.

Scully stood and walked over to him, resting her hand on Lily's back. "I'll do it."

Lily turned away and shook her head grumpily against Mulder's chest.

Scully swallowed and tried to fight back the tears that suddenly threatened to downpour. She felt as if she'd just been kicked in the gut.

Mulder smiled apologetically at her and shrugged. He nudged the little girl, his tone was admonishing: "Lily..."

"No that's okay, you do it."

"You sure?"

She avoided his stare and nodded.

Mulder watched her for a moment, then turned and brought Lily back to bed. Scully was glad to have him leave the room; she pulled herself together. It was no big deal, the two of them had been through a lot together, and they all had a lot of adjusting to do. Things would be better, she had to believe that.

Mulder emerged from the dark hallway and sat back beside her on the couch. They were quiet for a while.

"You two are close," Scully commented at last.

He studied his hands as he spoke. "She slept with me every night for over a month after you were taken. But I didn't mind, I think we both needed it."

Scully watched him thoughtfully. There was something not quite right, a distance between them; but she supposed that was to be expected. They shared another long moment of silence. When he finally did look up at her again, Scully could feel the heat in his eyes and the air suddenly seemed twice as dense as it had been a second ago. She swallowed.

Mulder was also aware of the distance between them, which was fathomless in comparison to the actual physical space between their bodies. His throat was felt thick and dry. The silence was making his ears ring. He stretched his arm across the back of the couch, wanting to close that distance. Carefully, he touched her face. It was smooth and soft as he remembered it, only paler, and the fatigue gave her eyes a washed-out appearance.

Scully felt a shudder dart up her spine the second his skin made contact with hers. She'd missed him so much, and despite the deep exhaustion she felt, her body began to ache with desire.

His hand dropped to her neck, his fingers lightly touched the highly sensitive skin there and initiated a biological chain- reaction that left her body in a state of dizzying arousal.

His stare was intense. "You tired?" he whispered.

Forcing the saliva down her throat, she managed: "Not too bad..."

Mulder slid closer, and the simple movement seemed to her unnaturally loud; the rush of a thousand whispers floating towards her. She caught her breath. He slowly descended on her, the shadow of his body falling over her and drowning her in his scent. When his face neared hers, she reached up to hold it, reveling in the pleasure his breath caused as it fell across her lips. They kissed at last.

When he pushed her back on the couch, Mulder could tell that she had lost weight again; she felt small and frail beneath him. He broke from the kiss and gently stroked her hair. "We don't have to..."

Scully made an exasperated noise and smiled, bringing a hand up over her face. "I'm so tired..."

"It's okay," Mulder said gently, caressing her face. "Really. I just want to lie with you."

"No you don't." Her smile widened. "And neither do I. But... "

Mulder rested a finger across her lips. "Just stay here with me. I want to be close to you."

And so they were; they spent a long time on the couch enjoying that closeness-- holding each other, satisfying each other through the pleasure of kisses and caresses.

Laying on her side in bed, Scully stared at the window, remembering the last time she had lay there in that same spot watching the rain drops slide down the pane, and how she'd wished that things could be the way they were now. Now everything was as it should be, but something still didn't feel right. Things were different between she and Mulder, and she knew he was aware of it too. They had needed to be together in that way, but even after they'd enjoyed being with each other on an intimate level earlier on the couch, she felt a distance from him. It was as if Mulder had shut a part of himself away so securely in order to be able to cope with her disappearance, that he was having difficulty opening it now. She knew that if she tried talking to him about it, he would only deny that anything was wrong. Maybe she should just give him some time; he couldn't hold her at arms length forever...could he?

Her thoughts were interrupted as Lily came into the room and walked to her side of the bed. Scully propped herself up on her elbow and smiled. "Hi," she whispered.

Lily watched her with a troubled expression, and Scully wondered what was going on inside that little head of hers.

She watched Scully for a long moment before speaking. "Where go, Mommy?"

The simple question that she could not answer brought tears to her eyes. She took a deep breath. "I don't know, Lily." She shook her head at the little girl. "I'm sorry, I just don't know." Scully fought the urge to promise her that she'd never go away again, because as much as she wanted to, she knew it would be a lie; she would never be able to guarantee that.

Lily stared at her.

"Come here, will you come in here with me?" Scully asked, holding up the sheet. Lily nodded and climbed in. She snuggled near to her and Scully held her close. Maybe this was it, the first step in healing-- for all of them. Scully smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

The morning found them sleeping in each other's arms; Lily in Scully's, Mulder embracing them both in his. The room was warm and fuzzy with the haze of dawn.

The sun never shone so brightly as it did that day.

End

**All lyrics from Sophie B. Hawkins "As I Lay Me Down", 1994.

Okay, let's give it another shot. The rest of the parts are on my web page, or I'll be glad to e them directly on request. Thanks for the bandwidth.

The Offspring 4: Flying by Kelli Rocherolle 3/98

The following characters were created by The Man, Chris Carter, and are the property of FOX and Ten Thirteen productions.

**The Offspring 4: Flying

Bright rays of gold warmed the summer sky. Creeping vines snaked up the cracked stone walls of a courtyard. The smell of flowers filled the air.

The little girl reached up to the cloudless sky, where a single swallow flew, circling overhead with a watchful eye. A bright smile was reflected in her eyes. "...mommy..." she whispered.

Movement from the corner of her eye caught the chid's attention and she turned to face the man as he approached. Her Daddy walked towards her, and as he did birds that were settled in the grass were sent into flight. The sound of wings beating against air was amplified, as was all around her-- the colors, the smells, everything but movement. The motion of the breeze across the grass, the birds as they took flight, were all slowed, like a Pissaro come to life, out of sync with the sounds they made.

The man bent down as if to take her into his arms, but then was suddenly moving back... being pulled away from her. Her brow creased in concern and confusion. He changed before her eyes, morphing into a large black bird as he rose off the ground, drawing up into the sky and into the fair-weather clouds. She could hear the sound of a heartbeat. Higher, he was moving further away from her, until a feeling of such despair sent a steady flow of tears down her cheeks...

Lily tossed and turned in the emotion of her dream. With a start, she woke and crawled out of her bed, then headed down the hallway.

Still half asleep, Mulder pulled back the covers to admit his tiny visitor. As she snuggled close, he passed a hand over her sweat- dampened cheeks and back through her hair. She'd had another nightmare. Since Scully had returned, they were becoming more frequent.

Safe at last in her father's arms, Lily started to drift back to sleep. "No flyin', Daddy," she mumbled.

Mulder smiled before settling back on his pillow. "No flyin', Spud," he assured her.

Groggy and rumpled, Mulder opened his eyes once again to find Lily watching him, her eyes wide and trusting.

Mulder smiled at her, the tiny head next to his on the pillow. "What are you lookin' at?"

A small smile exposed a row of perfect baby teeth, and a tiny gap in the center that was adorable to him. "Daddy."

Mulder grinned back at her, happily riding that swell of love he felt every time she uttered that word. There was a time when he thought he wasn't destined for fatherhood. Now, he didn't have to be.

Lily pointed upwards, indicating over his shoulder where Scully was lying next to him. "Sleeping," she said.

"Yes she is."

"You get me toast, okay Daddy?"

"I got a better idea..."

Doughnuts were a special treat. As far as Lily was concerned, even better than 'Loops. They started their walk back to the apartment, Mulder taking Lily's free hand while the other clutched the remnants of a powdered donut. As they walked in the cool morning air, the sun warming their faces, Mulder's thoughts were with Scully. He had a hard time putting the emotions he was experiencing into words. Alone? Maybe. Unhappy? Probably. Estranged? Definitely. But the most frustrating part was, he didn't know why. He frowned at the sidewalk beneath him; self-analysis had never been one of his strong points. He glanced down at Lily, at the confectioner's sugar that was powdered from cheek to cheek, and he couldn't help but smile in spite of how lousy he felt. Lily made him feel centered, focused... like Scully used to. And today, he just wanted to enjoy it.

"Ar-tur."

Mulder looked back down at her. "What's that?"

Lily stopped in front of a store window and pointed at the display of children's books. "Ar-tur."

Crouching down, Mulder peered through the window. "Oh yeah-- Arthur." Arthur was a character in one of Lily's favorite books. "You wanna go in and take a look?"

The inside of the bookstore was warm and quiet and smelled like lilacs. A fat cat dosed on the sill. The woman behind the counter watched as the little girl ran to get the book she'd seen and brought it to the tall man.

Mulder took the book from her and flipped through the pages.

"Artur goin' to 'cool," she informed him.

"Yeah I see, that's a nice school." As Lily ran back to the shelves to examine the other "Arthur" books, Mulder went up to the cash register. He put the book on the counter and pulled some bills from his wallet. Smiling thinly as he recalled teasing Scully about spoiling her, Mulder realized he was no less immune from Lily's charm. He handed the book to her as she came up along side him.

"Name?"

Mulder looked up at the woman behind the counter with a curious expression. "What?

"We're giving out these free book plates with the purchase of children's books."

"Oh, right. It's Lily."

"You don't look like a Lily," the woman said with a demure smile.

Mulder blinked at her, caught off guard by her flirtatious behavior. When he recovered, he smiled back and looked down Lily, who was examining her book, pointing at different parts of the page. "Books. Kids."

"Is that one 'L' or two?"

"One."

"Middle name?"

Mulder stared back at the clerk as she caught him off guard for the second time. "She um... she doesn't have one."

The woman's brows drew together as she watched him.

He shrugged at her.

"Last name?"

"Scully." Mulder spelled it for the woman as he stuffed his wallet back in his jacket. When she was finished he took the bookplate from her and bent down next to Lily. He helped her fasten the plate on the inside cover.

"She's cute, is she your little girl?"

The question surprised him. Most people just assumed they were father and daughter, but he knew if you looked carefully, there wasn't a shred of resemblance between them. "No. Yes. I mean... yes..."

"I understand," the woman said, waving a hand in the air. "Step families." He saw her eyes drift to his left ring finger. It was time to leave.

Mulder was in a miserable mood on the way home. That woman had inadvertently made him feel like the most insignificant person in Lily's life. What was he to her, really? He wasn't her biological father. And legally he wasn't her father-- he wasn't her guardian any more. He wasn't even her stepfather. At best, he was the guy sleeping with her mother.

"Hi." Scully was awake and emerging from the bathroom as they entered the apartment. "Where'd you guys go?"

"We got breakfast," Mulder responded, displaying the box of doughnuts.

Lily approached her mother, new book outstretched. "Ar-tur," she said.

"Arthur!" Scully sat on the couch and watched as Lily showed her the book, opening on a page that showed a group of the characters at a birthday celebration. "Ooo, a party Lily."

"Yeah party."

Scully smiled and motioned for Lily to join her on the sofa. "You want me to read it?"

But Lily took her book and went to Mulder, extending it up to him. She watched him with that wide, adoring stare Scully was learning to loathe. "You read it please," she said innocently, having no idea the pain she was causing the person on the couch.

Mulder took the book from her as he eyed Scully.

Scully didn't make eye contact, but indicated for him to go ahead.

"Maybe your Mom wants to read it to you..."

Scully looked at him. She knew he was trying to be kind, but for some reason that only made her feel worse. "No it's all right, you go ahead." She got up and left the room.

Mulder looked back down at Lily, who was still eyeing him expectantly. "Okay, sure."

Finding refuge in the bathroom, Scully closed the door behind her and reached for the tap. As she did, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Staring at it for the longest time, Scully could feel her anger rising, the hatred snuffing out whatever remaining happiness she felt at being returned. More than anything she was trying to keep faith, to be hopeful that the damage that had been done to her relationship with Lily-- and Mulder, was not beyond repair. Whatever it was that was missing from their relationship, she was desperate to find it.

The weeks that followed were not good ones. In addition to the estrangement she was facing with Lily, Scully could feel Mulder pushing her away, and she hadn't felt so rebuffed by him since that first year of their partnership. When she had initially been returned and started to feel that resistance from him, she had considered that perhaps he'd put up a wall to keep from hurting during her absence, and that the wall would eventually disappear. But now, she felt it was less a wall and more like a river, rising at the banks and washing them further away from each other. She was helpless to stop it.

"Hi."

Scully looked up from the floor as Mulder entered the apartment. "Hi." She stood up from the crayons and coloring books spread out on the floor. "How was your day?"

"Where's Lily?" He shrugged off his coat as he approached.

"She went to get some blank paper."

Mulder gave her a perfunctory kiss and loosened his tie. "Skinner wants to know if you've decided on a date of return yet."

Scully shrugged. It had only been a few weeks, but she was feeling fine. Physically, she was more than ready to go back to work. But she was having a hard time leaving Lily; they had so much lost time to make up for. Besides, with the way things were going with Mulder, she knew she wouldn't be able to give herself one hundred percent at work.

Lily raced into the room with her blank paper, the stub of a crayon poking out from her fist.

Mulder sat on the couch and reached for her as she rushed at him. He smiled and hugged her tight. "Hey, Spud," he said warmly.

She turned and picked up a piece of paper from the floor. "This for you," she said, displaying her picture.

His smile widened at the sight of three stick figures in the middle of the page. Mulder took the drawing from her. The simplicity of her world was trademark of her work: the green grass beneath their feet, the blue sky above, but no color in the space between. The stick figures were suspended in the blank area between the sky and earth.

Lily handed her crayon to Scully with a blank sheet of paper. "You make kitty okay, Mommy?"

Mulder watched Scully as she complied with Lily's request; regarding the stranger on the floor with a tremendous sadness in his heart. What was happening? A small adjustment period after being gone so long, that he could understand; but this was taking far too long. The way they interacted now was a pale reflection of the caring friendship they had once had.

"Scully come here."

As Lily started on a drawing for her mother, Scully moved to join Mulder on the sofa. She snuggled into his chest as he drew her close. But they couldn't have been farther apart.

Mulder started spending a lot of time away from the apartment. He was running away-- that he knew-- but it was just too painful to be around Scully. Too damaging. At least when he wasn't with her he could pretend everything was okay. Over and over in his mind he deliberated about what was going on between them. Why was he pushing her away? Mulder picked up the glass in front of him and swallowed another mouthful of smooth liquid, the sting of alcohol making its way down his throat. He had told Scully he was going to stay late and do some work- - and he had. But even being in the officee made him think of her... of the cases they'd worked on together, of the time before Lily. And as he sat there in the hotel bar thinking about that time, he realized there was no place that was sanctuary from thinking about her. He extended his empty glass to the bartender. "You got anymore of this?"

Mulder tapped the surface of the bar impatiently as he watched his glass being refilled, unaware of the woman sliding onto the stool next to him. He was surprised to see her when he turned back around.

The brunette smiled at him. "Hi."

"Hi," he responded casually. She was pretty, long brown hair and all legs... but he just wasn't interested.

"You're Fox Mulder, aren't you?"

Mulder turned to face her, startled.

She shrugged in explanation. "I'm Ellen Creed. I work in accounting... I've seen you around."

Relaxing, Mulder turned back to his drink.

"I was just, I'm staying here while my apartment's being fumigated. I saw you come in. I thought you might like some company."

Mulder regarded her passively. "Yeah, sure, why not." The woman's face brightened as he motioned to the bartender. "Whatever she wants and another one of these for me," he said, pushing his glass towards him.

Mindless small talk. It felt good, not thinking about it, about how everything had gone so miserably wrong, about analyzing to death his feelings and motivations. No more head shrinking. Not tonight. One after the other the drinks were sliding down with the lazy conversation. Before too long, he was starting to feel way past light- headed and decided to call it a night. He pulled out his wallet, and was surprised when the woman reached over to lay a hand over his. "I don't want you have to pay for mine."

"No it's okay." Her hand was lingering, and Mulder avoided eye contact. "My treat, really. I gotta go."

This time she was more forward with her advances. "You want to come up to my room and have one more?"

It took a minute for her invitation to make its way through the haze of his buzz. The realization was a surprise. But just where had he thought this was leading? He had spent the entire night pretending he hadn't seen this coming.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes searched his face. "It's not your partner is it? I heard it was strictly business between you two."

Mulder almost laughed in her face. He wished he had, maybe it would've turned her off, and it certainly would've felt good; but all he could do was stare at her.

She let the hand concealed between her body and the bar drift slightly up his thigh. "Sure I can't tempt you? I have a mean mini-bar..."

The sirens that had started going off in his head were dulled and eventually drowned out in the alcohol, but the buzzing in his ears and the tingling sensation seeping through his body had nothing to do with the drinks he'd had.

Sliding unsteadily off the barstool, the woman took hold of his arm and suppressed a laugh. "All right, so maybe I don't need another drink..." She casually lay her hand over his arm, her green eyes holding his. "You could come up anyway... I've been wanting to meet you for a long time..."

Continued...

The Offspring 5: Words By Kelli Rocherolle 3/98

Scully glanced at the clock as she finished making her snack. Mulder was late again. He had done this a few times since she'd been back-- called to say he was going to be late and dragging himself in several hours later, his features etched in exhaustion and defeat, and occasionally carrying the faintest hint of alcohol on his breath. It was uncharacteristic behavior for him-- he didn't usually drink, Scully knew that; but she also knew he was trying to outrun whatever demon was bearing down on him by drowning... Scully forced herself to push those thoughts away. Right now, she had to focus on Lily. Lily had to be her priority; she was doing everything she could to repair the damage her absence had done.

Scully came out of the kitchen as Mulder was entering. He didn't look at her, only made his way slowly to the couch and sank into it. She watched as he leaned forward and buried his face in his palms. "Hello to you too," she said, starting back for the kitchen.

"Scully..."

She stopped and turned to speak to his back. She didn't want to hear another one of his lame apologies. "Sleep it off, Mulder."

Mulder was miserable, devastated by what he'd almost done; he might as well have gone through with it because he couldn't possibly imagine feeling any worse. He was drowning, and wanted to reach out to her for help, but found he was having trouble finding the strength to make it to the surface. "Scully..."

Something in his voice kept her from turning back around. She stared at his slumped figure, waiting for him to say more, but he didn't. They remained in thick silence, then, a noise so sorrowful it could only indicate tears escaped him. Scully's expression turned from impatience to concern. She went to him. "Mulder what is it?" she asked, kneeling in front of him.

He didn't answer her.

"Mulder you're scaring me." She could see him shaking, but he could not or would not speak to her.

"Did something happen at work?" Her eyes widened as she considered what might have happened. "Did you--"

He shook his head, knowing where she was going. No, this had nothing to do with work or with Samantha. If only it did.

Scully's eyes passed over him. A sense of foreboding fell over her; whatever it was he had to tell her, it was bad-- so bad that he couldn't bring himself to speak the words. She tried to help by walking him through it. "You were at work?"

His response indicated he was so she continued.

"Okay, so then you went and had a few drinks..."

Again, he nodded in response.

"Then you came here..."

This time, he didn't answer.

"No? Then what-- where'd you go after that?" In his silence she tried to figure out what else it could have been. Maybe, she thought, one of the shadowy informants that haunted their lives had contacted him; it would make sense that if he'd gone somewhere after that, it was with someone's prompting... "Did someone approach you?" She saw a reaction from him-- something barely perceptible, but evident nonetheless. "Yes? Is that it? What did they say?"

He shook his head.

Scully watched him, confused. "Okay. You were approached by someone, but not anyone who had anything significant to tell you..." She squeezed his hand. "I don't understand, Mulder. You have to tell me what's wrong. It's all right; just tell me."

The silence was excruciating. As they sat through it, a thought was forming in the back of her mind, a small black seed working its way towards the surface. It was a horrible thought and she didn't want to face it, but she heard herself asking the question anyway, as if the words were coming out of someone else's mouth. "Mulder did you meet someone there?"

No nod, no movement at all from him; he appeared to be frozen in place.

"What did you do, Mulder?" Her heart was falling, falling to the pit of her stomach and breaking into a million pieces. "What are you telling me?"

This time, he closed his eyes.

It was all she needed to know.

Shocked and speechless, Scully watched him as he sat unmoving on the couch, unable to look at her. A minute or so passed as she crouched on the floor in front of him. At last, she stood and turned to walk away.

Mulder reached for her hand. "Scully--"

"I think you need to leave."

"Listen to me--"

She snatched her hand away. "You need to leave, Mulder," she repeated. "Right now."

"I want to talk to you, we need to talk--"

"No, *you* need to leave." She placed a hand on her forehead and rubbed it back and forth. "I have nothing to say." She would not look at him. "Please, Mulder you need to get out of here. I don't want Lily to hear this."

Lifting his weight slowly from the couch, Mulder stood and approached her.

It would've been unbearable to look at him, so Scully kept her eyes focused on the floor as he neared. She flinched involuntarily as his hand came to rest on her shoulder.

He withdrew it, staring at her profile for the longest time. As if the action could convey the depth of emotion he was feeling, he rested a hand on the back of her neck and leaned into her, pressing his forehead against her temple.

"Don't..." The word was tight and choked.

"Scully--"

"DON'T," she said, her tone cautioning. Her eyes glistened as she turned to look at him. "You break my heart, Mulder," she whispered sadly. "You always have." The words were spoken from her heart, void of bitterness and anger. It was a simple truth.

Once again he withdrew his hand.

Scully stared at him. Why was he just standing there? Why wouldn't he go? Part of her felt like crying, yelling at him, but a hollow sensation, a numbness prevented her from doing either. She just wanted to be alone. "Please go."

Mulder stood there, wanting to tell her that as horrible as it was, it wasn't as bad as she was thinking, but was silent. Did it really matter that he hadn't taken that last step? Maybe it did, but for some reason he just couldn't find the words.

Realizing he wasn't going to leave unless she physically moved him, Scully gave up and left herself.

He watched as she turned and walked away, disappearing down the hallway.

It was impossibly difficult to do, to walk away from him and the pain she was feeling. She had to though, she had no other option but to shut down-- for Lily. She went to the child's bedroom and sat near where she was sleeping. Somehow, looking at her little girl always made her feel better, even now. When she looked at Lily, it put everything in perspective. And though her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she reached for her, Scully smiled wanly and touched her cheek.

Lily opened her eyes sleepily for just a second, then rolled over onto her side. Scully stroked her hair.

"Bear wearin' purple," Lily mumbled sleepily.

Scully's smile widened for a second, then her expression sobered as her thoughts returned to Mulder. She turned to look out into the hallway. She couldn't deal with this-- not now. She hoped when she went back out into the living room that he'd be gone.

He was.

Outside her apartment door, Mulder reclined against the wall and closed his eyes. Did it matter that he hadn't slept with that woman? He almost had, had come closer to than he ever thought he would, and that fact alone had made him realize just how wrong things were between them. Scully was the one he wanted. The only one. And yet he'd almost destroyed what they had... it didn't make any sense. Mulder ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He needed to go back in there and tell her the truth. But how could he? She would want to know why he'd let her believe it, and the truth was, he didn't have an answer.

Mulder agonized over these thoughts as he passed through the building's entryway. Why had he let her think he had gone through with it? He didn't know. The only thing he did know was that the thought of not seeing her again made his heart grow cold. They needed to fix this.

So now what? A day? Two days? A week? How much time did you give someone? It had only been an hour and already Mulder was going crazy with the need to see her. The worst part was knowing that the sight of him would probably only make her feel worse. He had wanted to push her away, and now he may have very well done just that-- for good. His heart sank. He was the stupidest person on the planet.

Scully peered out through the window at the street below. Mulder was still out there, pacing. And her hollowness remained. She wanted to be angry, to hate him, to be devastated by what he had done to them-- but she couldn't. Why? She looked over her shoulder at the little girl in bed behind her. Maybe Lily was why. Maybe in some strange way Lily was shielding her pain, or maybe she was so focused on repairing her relationship with Lily that she couldn't fully allow herself to feel the hurt she might otherwise have felt so deeply. Or maybe she simply was still in shock. Maybe.

One day was difficult. Two was impossible. By the middle of the second day, Mulder had to see her. He didn't know what he was going to tell her, he just knew they needed to talk-- not talking about this was not going to heal it. And more than anything, he wanted it healed. It was time to confront her. If he had to break down the door to get her to speak to him, so be it-- this had gone on long enough.

The courage drained from him as he stood just outside her apartment. Yes, they needed to talk, but he was really in no position to demand anything from her, especially not an attempt at reconciliation. Mulder literally shrugged the doubts off of himself and knocked on the door. Wondering what kind of reaction he should expect, Mulder rocked back and forth on his heels. Anger? He could face her fury. Hurt? He would do whatever it took to heal it. But he was faced with the one thing he couldn't deal with: her apathy.

She opened the door enough for him to see her face. Her expression was indiscernible, and he dared to hope that maybe she was ready to talk. "Hi," he said uncertainly. "You're not answering your phone..."

Without responding, she turned and walked back into the apartment, leaving the door open for him to enter. He closed the door behind him and approached her. So far, so good. At least she'd let him in. He talked to her profile. "Scully I... how are you?" Before he even saw her eyes close in response he regretted the question. What kind of stupid thing was that to say? "I mean-- I've been really worried about you. I want to talk about this, Scully, I want to get past this..." Not getting a response, Mulder walked around in front of her and gently tilted her face up to his.

She pulled from him and stepped away. "Don't do that..."

As he stared at her it occurred to him that it was unusually quiet in the apartment. "Where's Lily?"

"My mother's." She opened her mouth as if to speak, and for a moment Mulder thought she was going to talk to him. But then it seemed to pass. She shook her head at the floor.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Talk to me," he pleaded.

Silence.

"I want to talk about this," he tried again.

"There's nothing to talk about Mulder."

"How can you say that, Scully? Of course there's something to talk about." His voice had started to take on a slightly hysterical tone. Her continued refusal to talk to him was making him scared, angry. She couldn't shut him out, it was the one thing he couldn't handle. He had relied on that lifeline to her feelings to reassure him of his own. Screaming, yelling-- he deserved it; but her silence was torture. "What happened with that woman, it's not... I don't know what's been going on between us, but..."

She continued to stare off into the distance.

"What I'm saying is... I'm just trying to figure out why this happened. I don't know what was going on, Scully. I don't know what to do. Scully?"

"What do you want me to say, Mulder? Am I supposed to make you feel better? Is that what this is about?"

"No--"

"Because if that's what you want, fine: you're forgiven." Her voice was flat, defeated.

"Scully--"

"I know things haven't been right between us since I came back, I felt that too. Maybe you ended it when I couldn't."

"You don't believe that," he said; but her words hit home.

Her voice was tight. "Don't presume to tell me what I do or do not believe."

Mulder swallowed and wondered when he became reigning champion of The Wrong Thing To Say. "Come on, Scully. Don't shut down on me now. Please-- talk to me."

She stared off into the distance as the resolve washed over her.

Mulder straightened and altered his course of action. "I want to see Lily."

Anger and disbelief had turned her eyes a vibrant blue as she turned to look at him at last. "Don't you dare do this-- don't you use Lily--"

He had mentioned Lily out of desperation, that was true. But it was more than that. "Do you really think I would do that, Scully?"

"I don't know what you would do anymore, Mulder."

"Look, what I'm saying is that regardless of what happens between us, I made a promise to Lily..."

The hurt made her want to throw the fact that he had no biological ties to Lily in his face, but she bit back the words.

"We need to talk about this for her sake. You know how I feel about her, Scully." He paused and took a step closer. "How I feel about you..."

She turned to him suddenly, the venom rushing at him in a flood of rage. "How you feel about me? Is that some kind of joke?" She shook her head, incredulous. "Did I ask too much from you Mulder? Was it more than you were willing to give? Were able to give? Was having an instant family more than you could handle?"

Mulder shook his head, caught off guard by her sudden tirade. "No..."

"Because I told you from the beginning I didn't expect anything from you. I told you I could handle this myself, that I was willing to do this on my own."

"I know--"

"You made your own decisions; I didn't ask you to be a father to her--"

"I KNOW. Listen, please. I'm sorry--"

"Do you think that matters to me, Mulder?"

He stared at her. There was nothing he could say, because she was right. It didn't matter what he said or did. What he'd let her think he did, what he'd actually done, it didn't matter, because either way he'd not only let Lily down, he'd let himself down... and worst of all, he'd let Scully down.

She walked to the door and opened it, waiting for him to leave. Mulder reluctantly complied, but turned to face her just outside the door. All he could do was stare at her.

She closed the door, and as he stood staring at the door, he saw it suddenly. The answer was just there, so clearly before him, and he wondered why it had taken this to make him see it. In that moment, he finally recognized the thing that had been between them all those weeks since her return: fear. His fear. The agony of losing her the first time had almost cost him his soul, but the second time, something even more sinister had happened-- he'd tried to forget her. With Lily there to buffer the pain, he'd let himself focus on the little girl, without whom he'd probably have spent those months hibernating in his dark apartment locked in his despair. He'd wanted to put a distance between himself and Scully to make the pain of her absence bearable, and Lily was the only thing that could've made that possible. But it had worked too well, and once she'd been returned, he'd found he couldn't quite get it back.

The irony was now, faced with the reality of not seeing her again, he could finally see it. He knew what he wanted-- Scully, and what they'd had together, even if that meant risking losing his sanity if she were taken again. But it was too late. If he went back and told her the truth now, it would only make matters worse. She would wonder why he'd let her think he'd betrayed her, and the answer to that question was more hurtful than the lie he'd let her believe.

Scully thought that she might turn what had happened with Mulder into something positive by enjoying some one on one time with Lily, but it wasn't that simple. Mulder had been her friend long before he became her lover and she missed him, in spite of everything. As she sat watching Lily play on the floor, Scully's eyes drifted up to the window just above her. The dark and dismal day reflected her mood.

"Want see Daddy..."

Scully sat forward on the couch with her hands locked in front of her. It was the millionth time since Mulder had been gone that she'd heard that request, and it still hit her hard every time she heard it. The two had been inseparable during her absence, and now they hadn't seen each other in weeks. She knew it must be killing him, but the thought of seeing Mulder was more than she could bear. She just wasn't ready.

"Mommy..."

Scully's eyes were focused on the floor. She didn't know what to say to her.

"Mommy..."

What could she say?

"Want see Daddy."

"He's not--" she started, then stopped herself, sick with shame; it was the one thing she had promised herself she would never do.

And she knew it was wrong to keep her from him.

The light from the TV lit his features in harsh lines. Mulder stretched and pulled his feet up onto the coffee table; he was an hour into the game but couldn't seem to remember who was playing or what the score was. Another wild night chez Mulder, he thought wryly, come on in and enjoy the pity-fest. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he got up of the couch. "Who is it?"

After a moment, the response came: "Scully."

Mulder quickly flipped on the light before opening the door. For a moment he was so happy to see her, that all he could do was stare, and he almost didn't see her companion. He looked down as an excited noise drifted up from the floor.

Lily's mouth was open in a wide smile as she beamed up at him. She outstretched her arms to him, bouncing up and down as she did.

"Hey..." Mulder pulled her up into his arms and gave her a hug. His eyes met Scully's over Lily's shoulder: thank you.

Scully looked away and entered the apartment. She didn't want to be there, but she had come-- for Lily.

Mulder set Lily back on the floor and closed the door. He turned around to face Scully as Lily ran around the apartment investigating various objects. Why had she come? He didn't dare to think...

"Mulder..." Scully cautioned; she could see the hope in his eyes. "I just... Well Lily wanted to see you, and I didn't think it was fair for me to keep her from doing so." She stepped closer and lowered her voice. "I didn't want her to think she did anything wrong." The implication was clear: SHE hadn't done anything wrong-- HE had. Not that she needed to remind him of that.

"So, for now, when you want to see her, just call my mom and we'll set something up."

Mulder's stomach tightened as he tried to imagine that particular conversation... Hi Mrs. Scully, it's Fox, the cheat who broke your daughter's heart. Mind if I come over and see your darling granddaughter? He stared at her: I couldn't just call you?

Scully shook her head back at him. She couldn't... couldn't face hearing from him like that on a regular basis. At least for now.

It was more than he could've hoped for, to be able to see Lily again on a regular basis. And he couldn't help but think this might be a first step towards healing his relationship with Scully. Still, he didn't want to push it, so he laid low.

Until he saw him again...

Grocery shopping was a mindless task, and Mulder was on autopilot as he moved up and down the aisles, picking the usual items off the shelves. It was late at night, the best time to do that kind of thing as far as he was concerned, because he could avoid the crowds. His mind was elsewhere, thinking about what he was going to do with Lily next time she visited, with the game that was on tomorrow, with the serious lack of interesting cases at work lately... everything but the task at hand. But the sight of that man snapped him immediately to attention. He paused and stared at him, standing at the end of the aisle. Then Mulder was sure, it was him-- the guy he thought he'd seen outside the courthouse the day he was granted temporary custody of Lily, and soon after that at different store. Mulder continued to stare at him... it *was* the same guy, wasn't it? Or was his paranoia getting the best of him?

He went down the aisle towards him, and as he did the man turned away to face the refrigerated dairy cases he was standing in front of. Mulder moved alongside him.

"Seems like an awful lot of choices for some plain old milk, don't you think?"

Mulder smiled non-committally and looked back through the case. Okay, maybe he WAS a little paranoid.

"One percent, two percent, the organic stuff. You know research shows that Bovine Growth Hormone is completely safe."

Mulder looked back at him.

" 'Course, that's what they're saying NOW." He shrugged. "Who knows what they'll say ten, fifteen years from now."

Mulder's interest was piqued as the man turned to face him.

"That's why longitudinal research is so important."

Mulder shook his head at him; he wasn't quite getting it. "What are you telling me?"

"Me? Nothing... I'm just making small talk, pal."

Mulder eyed him; he didn't buy that for a second.

"Just pointing out all these healthy choices, you know? Important to take care of yourself. And your loved ones..."

A pit formed in his midsection, a black hole that seemed to draw all the oxygen from his lungs. Those words sent him into a state of near panic... and into flight.

"Get your things." Mulder breezed by Scully as she stood in her doorway and started directly for the bedroom.

"What?"

He turned and motioned to her room. "Come on..." When she didn't move, he walked back to where she was standing and gently took hold of her arm, leading her toward the bedroom.

"What the Hell are you doing Mulder?" She broke free and stood her ground.

Mulder turned back around and went to the bedroom without her.

"Mulder! What is going on here?" In the bedroom, he was rummaging through her closet for her suitcase.

"Where's Lily?"

"It's eleven o'clock, Mulder; she's sleeping."

"Wake her up." He moved past her and headed down the hall to Lily's room. Scully caught up with him just outside the door but wasn't successful in beating him to the knob. He went in and bent over Lily's small bed. "Wake up, Spud," he said softly, then moved to the closet as she stirred. He pulled her small "Ninja Turtles" suitcase out and went back to the bed. By the time he got there Lily was sitting up and had turned on her light. Mulder took out her top dresser drawer and dumped it on the bed.

Scully watched him, dumbfounded, then finally found her voice again. "Mulder, have you lost your mind!"

When Lily saw what he was doing, she started helping him stuff things in her case, commenting on the items as she placed them. "Socks. Under-wears."

"I'll explain to you when we get there, Scully." Finished, he zipped up Lily's suitcase and left the room, with the little girl at his heels.

Scully headed out after them. "Get where??" Back in the living room, Mulder was zipping up Lily's coat over her p.j.'s. "Okay. Is there anything else she's going to need?"

Scully stared at him.

"Toothbrush-- I'll get it."

She moved to block him. "Just hold on a minute! We're not going anywhere with you!"

Lily observed the scene with interest, a finger playing absentmindedly with her bottom lip.

"I'm not gonna argue with you about this, Scully!" He lowered his voice and spoke to her through clenched teeth. "This is serious! Look, I'll explain everything to you later." He disappeared down the hall.

"Daddy's MAD," Lily observed.

Scully turned to face her.

"Okay. I got yours too," Mulder said as he reentered the living area. He picked up Lily in one arm and her suitcase in the other before heading towards the door.

Scully continued to stare at him, her resistance starting to wane. Lily was wrong, he was beyond mad, he was frantic. And he wouldn't have just barged in in the middle of the night and roused Lily for nothing. "Wait a second." She went to her desk and unlocked the top drawer. Clipping her holstered gun to the back of her jeans, she picked up her coat from the seat it was draped over and looked back up at him. She hesitated, not quite convinced she hadn't lost her mind, too. Finally, she nodded. "All right. Let's go."

Continued...

The Offspring 8: Illusion By Kelli Rocherolle 5/98

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully are mine. Chris Carter shamelessly stole them from me. The rest is for our attorneys to hash out. <G>

The Offspring 8: Illusion

The next morning brought a fresh start, and with it came a sense of hope. The trepidation she'd felt the night before was replaced with optimism in the plan they had. It wasn't going to be easy, but if it worked, it would be well worth it, and Scully found her mood was brighter than it had been in weeks. But there were still some details to work out.

The sound of running water in the bathroom signaled that Mulder was already up; she pulled the covers back and slid out of bed. As she did, she saw that once again Lily had abandoned their bed to be close to Mulder. I will not do this, Scully thought. I will not begrudge my daughter the love she feels for the man calls Daddy. She took a deep breath and inevitably felt a smile surfacing as she watched Lily sleep, curled up amidst the tangled sheets. She stood and leaned in to kiss her forehead before moving to the window.

Scully appeared in the doorway as Mulder shaved, folding her arms in front of her and leaning against the jamb. She kept her voice low. "There's not a truck outside yet."

"There will be." He ran the razor along his jaw, clearing away the last of the foam, and rinsed his face.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Aside from you, Scully," he said to her reflection, "there are only three people in this world that I trust absolutely."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "That many?"

"A guy can't be too careful." The last of the shaving cream wiped from his face, Mulder smiled at her over his towel. Their eyes held and, for just a moment, it felt like old times. His heart soared at her playfulness, but then her expression turned solemn once more.

"As fond as I am of them, Mulder, they just don't strike me as the most reliable people..."

He moved to stand with her in the doorway and tried to get her to play again. "Even Frohike?"

The corner of her mouth turned up the slightest bit-- success. "Especially Frohike," she said.

Continuing past her, Mulder went to the window and peered through the curtain. He motioned for Scully to come and look. She stood in front of him as he held the tattered fabric aside. An old rusty pick-up truck was parked out front.

Scully turned her face up towards his. "How did you do that?"

The truck rumbled its way along the dusty roads. Scully suspected the shock absorbers for this particular vehicle had called it quits somewhere back in the late 70's, and every time they hit a bump the three of them jolted skyward in unison. No seatbelts either.

Mulder wiped a hand along the thigh of his jeans to clear the sweat from it as he drove. The dress shirt he'd spent the better part of their journey in had permanent creases in the sleeves from wearing them rolled and he'd left his suit jacket somewhere around the fourth stop on their bus route. So he was glad to be rid of them when he bought the tee shirt and jeans in town.

A trace of a smile appeared on his lips as he recalled Lily picking up his old shirt from the motel floor after he'd finally changed. She'd held the thing out in front of her with two fingers as if she were handling biohazardous material. "Eeewww... funky," she'd said. He and Scully had looked at each other, and for a moment Mulder thought she was going to grace him with her laughter, but instead she said through her smile, which was the next best thing, "Where does she hear that stuff?"

"Don't look at me-- it's all that TV she watches."

"Mulder?" Scully's voice interrupted the memory.

He looked over at her as she braced the dash with one hand and the roof with the other.

"What?"

"What what?"

"You were smiling," she said.

"Oh. It's nothing."

Scully recalled the incident outside of "Pearl's" and wondered if they both weren't losing their minds.

At last they hit a stretch of tarred road and relaxed against the seats. They enjoyed a comfortable silence until Lily piped up from in between them. "Hey guys," she said, her tone suggesting it had only just occurred to her. She displayed her hands questioningly, "Where my toys go?"

Mulder and Scully exchanged a smile.

"You're just thinking of that now, Lily?" Scully asked.

"Yes." The moment passed and she was on to other things. "Gotta pee."

"Can you hold it for a few minutes more? We're almost there."

Scully looked at him. "We are?" She didn't think they looked like they were almost anywhere.

"No can wait, Daddy. You stop please."

Mulder obliged, and as Scully helped her, he took the opportunity to look at his map again. He knew their destination wouldn't be on it, but he was looking for some sort of landmark that might at least signal that they were close. The thing was, there weren't many landmarks at all; the flat and unchanging countryside allowed you to see for miles, and there wasn't anything in sight. Frustrated and exhausted, he started to pull out his cell phone, but hadn't quite brought it up to his ear when the small device was yanked from him.

Scully stuffed the phone back into the bag. "Don't you ever learn?" she asked, but her tone was amicable.

Of course, she was right. Days on the road with little sleep was starting to take its toll on him and he wasn't thinking clearly. "I was going to try and get some directions from triple A," he joked.

"Nice try." She helped Lily back into the truck. "All set."

They drove for another ten minutes and failed to come across anything that even remotely resembled a driveway when Scully finally asked, "Mulder are you sure about this?"

"No, I'm not," he said shortly, then slowed the truck and turned around; maybe they'd passed it...

They were all losing their patience, and Lily was no exception. "We here yet?"

"Not yet," they said in unison.

"Hot."

"I know you're hot, Spud. We'll be there soon-- try to hang in there."

"Finally," Scully breathed as they came across a dilapidated old mailbox almost half an hour later. Mulder turned the truck onto a dusty driveway they could barely distinguish from the road, and after several minutes had passed a house appeared in the distance. Scully got a better look at it as they neared. Not too bad, she thought. An old, large farmhouse, a little weather-beaten but overall, in pretty good condition. And there were several outbuildings including a barn. "Big place," she commented.

Mulder nodded in agreement as he pulled the truck to a stop. He helped Lily out of the cab but his eyes followed Scully as she got out her side and headed for the house. He would never admit it to Scully, but the dress she found so loathsome he found feminine and flattering and extremely sexy. She reached the porch and climbed the steps, and Mulder couldn't help it, the way the thin cotton garment swayed against her legs was mesmerizing, teasing him with vivid memories of the sex they'd had. So he stood there, helpless to do anything else but gawk at her like a fool.

She turned to face him as she reached the door.

Mulder continued to stare at her, and in a moment of panic was sure she had read his thoughts.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Key?"

"What? Oh, yeah." He reached into the truck and pulled the visor down. A single key dropped onto the seat.

"Where'd Lily go?"

Mulder pointed to the side of the house, where Lily was picking flowers out of Scully's line of site. She ran around to join Mulder as he approached the porch.

Scully slipped the key into the lock but the knob resisted as she tried to turn it. She pushed at the old door, but it was more solid than it looked and did not give way easily.

Things were supposed to have been set up, but as he watched Scully struggle with the door, Mulder suspected it had been quite some time since anyone had passed through it. He reached around her to help her push at the door.

Scully tensed as he came against her, then relaxed, for just a moment letting herself enjoy the feel of his body as it moved against her back, warm and familiar... but then, the images were there again, images of Mulder and a woman her imagination had come to construct as The Drop Dead Gorgeous Perfect Specimen Of The Female Of The Species. She shoved him back with her shoulder, still gripping the knob with both hands. "I've got it," she snapped.

Stepping back with hands raised in deference, Mulder wondered at her reaction. Was she that repulsed by his touch? Apparently, as the only alternative was that he had been effecting her somehow, and that might mean...

"This is some safe house you've got us, Mulder; we can't even get in to it."

Mulder stepped alongside her in an exaggerated attempt not to touch her, eliciting a frown, then motioned for her to step aside so he could try it.

She moved away from the door.

Mulder worked at the knob, with Lily endeavoring to help him by pushing against the door. It protested with a sharp screech, and then with a final shove he stepped abruptly into the room as the door gave.

They moved inside. The place was as hot and dry inside as it had been outside, only without the comfort of a breeze.

"Oh my God," Scully lamented.

"It'll be fine once we air it out." Mulder moved to one of the windows and tried to open it, but it appeared to be as stuck as the front door had been. Applying more force, he tried again, at the same time trying to avoid Scully's withering gaze. "Just needs a little elbow grease," he murmured. The frame budged at last and with a final grunt Mulder hoisted it up as far as it would go. A fresh breeze billowed into the room. "There, that's better."

Lily, who had been watching him with amusement, turned her attention to her new surroundings. She ran to the old TV and peered underneath it. After a moment, she looked back up at Mulder. "Where 'tendo?"

"There's no Nintendo here, Spud," he answered. "Hey you want some water for those flowers?" he asked, pointing to the puny bouquet of three blossoms that were already wilting in her tiny fist.

Lily nodded and handed them to Mulder before heading back outside to pick some more.

As her eyes adjusted to the light, Scully could see there were several religious items scattered among the antiquated furnishings. A crucifix on the wall, a rosary hanging from a light fixture, and the worst-- a God-awful black velvet picture of Jesus above the mantel. Scully made a mental note that that hideous portrait would be the first to go. She followed Mulder into the kitchen and held up the rosary to him when he turned to look at her.

He shrugged in response. "Whatever help you can get, right?"

Scully's eyes perused the kitchen. It was large and must have been something in its day; but now it was only drafty and outdated. It was a lot brighter than the rest of the house seemed to be though, and she was grateful for that.

Mulder stuck the flowers in a small glass of water and went to the back door. He was pleased when it opened easily. Smiling mildly as he watched Lily running around in the back yard, he marveled at her energy. It was a source of constant fascination for him; her life force was powerful and you couldn't help but share her exhilaration when you were with her. Lily lived life full throttle, and it was intoxicating to watch.

Scully scanned the appliances, recalling just how far from civilization they were. "Mulder... this place doesn't even have a dishwasher."

He turned to look at her. "Sure it does." He approached her with a smile, carefully taking her wrists and holding up her hands.

Scully withdrew her hands and looked away, silently reprimanding herself for letting him effect her the way he did. "Right."

"Hey guess what guys!" Lily exclaimed as she pushed open the back screen door. "Chickens!"

Scully studied the floor for a beat, then cleared her throat before looking back at Mulder. "Chickens?"

"Oh... I didn't mention there were chickens?"

"No, you didn't..." A thought occurred to her. "You don't think it's a little weird that there's a shed full of chickens on an abandoned farm?"

"And gardens too." He smiled at her confounded expression. "You're not a David Copperfield fan, are you Scully? Illusion is half the game."

"So there's a caretaker on the property?"

"Not while we're here."

He went to the window and peered out. "Looks like there're some sort of feeding instructions tacked to the barrel in front."

"I have to FEED them?"

"Not unless you want a shack full of dead chickens," he joked, trying to get her mood to lighten. It wasn't working. "Look, I'm sure it's not that difficult, and it won't be for too long."

God willing, she thought.

"Who this guy, Mommy?" Climbing up on a stool to get to her flowers, Lily had come across a small plastic statue of the Virgin Mary on the shelf above the stove. It was one of those tacky things you found at flea markets and the sun had bleached most of the blue from her robe, but Scully recognized it just the same. Twelve years of parochial school could do that to a person. "It's um..." Scully felt a stab of guilt at not having fulfilled her responsibility of educating Lily on her faith. It had been such a strong part of her own childhood, but she hadn't shared that part of herself with Lily at all. Though there was a time she'd made an effort-- went to church more, even started going to confession on a regular basis-- the truth was, the conflict between her faith and her science was something she never quite reconciled. But now was not the time for a catechism lesson--especially with Mulder watching-- so Scully gave her what she thought would be an easy answer. "It's an angel."

"An angel?"

"Yes, you know... um..."

Lily continued to watch her, waiting for her mother to explain.

"An angel is a messenger from God."

"God?" she persisted.

Scully stared at her. "I'll tell you all about that sometime, Lily," she evaded, "but not today, okay?" Scully cringed at her own words; she might as well have tried the equally lame "because I said so..."

Lily watched her mother, not satisfied.

"Come on, Scully-- why don't you tell her? I think I'd like to hear it, too."

Scully refused to look at him. This was one area that she and Mulder had never seen eye to eye on. That he could believe in numerous unexplained phenomena yet not have the faith to believe in God was bewildering to her. Conversely, Mulder couldn't understand how someone who upheld science as sacred and proof as truth could exhibit such blind faith. They'd given up discussing it a long time ago. But she knew he was getting a kick out of seeing her have to explain it to her daughter, and was irritated that it was amusing him. His light mood was even more annoying. She cleared her throat. "God? God is... um..." She dared to glance at Mulder.

"Go on," he goaded, then took a seat at the table.

"Well. Lily. You see..." She tried to command the words, but omnipotence and faith were simply not concepts Lily would be able to understand. "God is a being who lives in heaven, and um--"

"Excuse me..." Mulder raised his hand tentatively, feigning a serious expression. "Yes, I was just wondering, could you define 'being' and 'heaven' in scientific terms?" Leaning back in his chair, he folded his hands together and settled them behind his head. He indicated for her to continue. "If you would."

The urge to kick the chair out from under him was overwhelming, but Scully refrained; she glowered at him instead.

Lily had had it with the both of them. She waved her hands in a gesture of exasperation. "Okay never mind."

Having just been scolded by a three-year-old, Mulder and Scully exchanged a guilty look.

Mulder got up from the table suddenly and started going through the cabinets.

"Mulder...?" He didn't respond, and Scully couldn't help but think of the dream she'd had. "What are you looking for?"

His expression changed as he came across it. "Hey-- what's this here, Lily?"

She looked over, cocking her head to see around the open door, but it was too high and too far away for her.

"I think you might know this guy..." Two fuzzy ears peeked around the cabinet door, then two glassy brown eyes, then a round black nose...

"Bear!" She scrambled off her chair and went to him.

Mulder smiled and pulled the stuffed animal the rest of the way out. He supposed someday he'd have to break it to her that Bear was really a monkey, but not today.

Lily took her toy from him and hugged it. She beamed at him. "Thank you, Daddy."

"Me? I didn't do anything; I think he followed us. Did you teach him how to drive?"

"You stop that!" she admonished, smiling widely.

As she headed off to investigate the rest of the house, Scully regarded Mulder with bewilderment. Just how had he managed that little trick?

He smiled as he passed by her, leaning in to whisper, "Danny."

"Oh so there are four?" she teased, indicating their conversation on how many people Mulder trusted.

He turned back slightly as he followed Lily into the other room. "Well that was a conservative estimate, Scully."

"So I see." She stared after him for a long moment, then turned her attention to her temporary home. The old refrigerator was humming loudly as Scully approached, but she was pleasantly surprised to see the inside was clean and cool, and stocked with food. So...apparently Danny had been commissioned to bring food and supplies as well. Okay, Scully thought, maybe it's not going to be so bad after all. And even if it was, she was determined to make the best of it.

Later that night, after Scully had put Lily to bed, she went downstairs to find Mulder had just finished lighting a fire. Though the days were oppressively hot, the nights were surprisingly cool, and the warm fire was a comfort. She approached him as he knelt by the mantle. "Lily's all tucked in."

Mulder dusted his hands off and stood. "I'm gonna go up and say goodnight."

Lily was waiting for him upstairs, lying still in the bed. Scully had tucked the sheets in snugly around her. Mulder smiled and went to her. Knowing that she didn't like to be tucked too tightly because she got overheated, he pulled the sheets loose so she could put her feet out. "Thank you, Daddy."

"No problem," he said, taking a seat on the bed.

She watched him for a moment, then sat up. "Where you goin'?"

"I told you Spud. I have to go back home for a while."

"Me too. I go with you, okay?"

He shook his head at her. "No, you need to stay here with your mother."

"No want stay here." She scrunched up her face and itched her arm. "Bed's scratchy."

Mulder smiled. "The bed is scratchy?" He picked up her stuffed animal from the pillow beside her. "What does Bear think about that?"

She took Bear from him and held him up, rubbing his back. "No scratchy for him, Daddy," she explained, "got fur, see?"

Mulder's heart was breaking; he was going to miss Lily and her little conversations more than anything. He wondered how it could be that someone he'd known for such a short period of time could have taken possession of his heart so completely. His throat began to tighten with emotion, and not wanting Lily to see him sad, he held out his arms to her. "I have to go now, Spud; give me a hug."

She complied, but was reluctant to let him go.

Scully was waiting for him when he got back to the living room, curled up on a chair in front of the fire. The warm light slid along the strands of her hair, her pale skin radiant in the glow; she was in that moment a portrait of shattering beauty. It made it all the more difficult to have to leave. He cleared his throat to signal his presence, then reached for his coat. "All right. I guess I better get going."

Her eyes widened. "You're leaving now?"

Shrugging on his jacket, he turned to face her and nodded.

"I thought you'd at least stay the night..."

"No, I want to get things moving."

She stood from the chair. "How are you getting back?"

"There's a car in the barn. I'll take that; the truck will stay with you guys."

Scully watched him as he gathered his things. "Mulder how are we supposed to contact you?"

"You can't. It's too risky."

Scully swallowed. There was no other way, she knew, but that thought left her filled with dread.

He walked over to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Listen to me, Scully, you can't risk contacting anyone-- not your mother, not me-- no one." He could see the worry etched in her features. "I know. But you and Lily will be safe here; we can't do anything to jeopardize that."

Mulder's gaze was steady as he held her eyes; on this one thing, he had no doubts. He could look into the eyes of the woman he risked never seeing again, and be happy because she would be safe. He brought up a hand to touch her face, then hesitated, unsure if it would be all right. He seemed to decide it was, and gently rested his fingers along her cheek.

It was an unspoken farewell she could hear as clearly as if he'd actually said the words. She wanted to reach up and take his hand, to reciprocate in some way, but the hurt that was still there kept her from doing so. Her eyes fell to the floor and back. "How long should we wait? Are we supposed to wait here indefinitely?"

Mulder continued to stare at her: he didn't have an answer. Obviously, he would return as soon as he possibly could, but he had no idea how long it might take. The question was left unanswered.

Several nights later, staying over in yet another dingy motel, Mulder tossed and turned in his bed. He folded his pillow in half, fluffed it up, kicked the sheet untucked to free his feet, but not being able to sleep had nothing to do with how comfortable or uncomfortable he was feeling. Worry was a powerful stimulant. What if he couldn't do it? What if he failed and one of them was taken again? It was a tremendous responsibility... but one that Scully refused to let him bear alone. Mulder admired her strength. He didn't think he'd be able to handle seeing her go off if he'd been the one to stay. But this is what they'd decided; he knew she'd agreed because she needed that time with Lily, could not face any more time apart from her. And, she simply did not have the contacts and resources he did. So she would stay and look after Lily and he would go back and confront the people who could make the abductions stop. Together, they would make this right. He would do whatever it took. He had to- - for Lily; for her laughter which Mulder could only imagine was like her mother's; for her sweet little voice and unrelenting curiosity. For the great person she deserved to grow up to be. And, of course, for her mother. "I miss you, Scully," he whispered through the darkness, but he was alone in the night.

Mother is the word for God on the lips of all children --The Crow

Offspring 9: Rewards

Living in Mayberry was everything Scully expected it to be. The unfamiliar sounds of cicadas kept her up all night for the first few weeks; one of the rabbit ears on the old black and white TV was broken and it only got three channels; she'd encountered spiders you could saddle; and as if that weren't enough, the days were miserably hot and she was tired of being sweaty.

Glancing up through the window above the sink to check on Lily, Scully would've given anything for an air conditioner. Or a dishwasher. Her eyes moved around the yard, but Lily was not in sight, so she shook the water from her hands and went to the front of the house to look out the window. And there she found her, standing just before the field that lay between their house and main road, staring out towards it, completely still except for the gentle breeze that ruffled her hair. Scully had seen her do that several times since their arrival. She knew what Lily was doing-- looking for Mulder.

Scully knew because she did the same thing.

As the little girl ran around to the back of the house, Scully returned to her dishes. She smiled as she watched Lily in the yard, examining a small toad in the grass. She crouched down and extended her finger to touch it, but it hopped away. Not dissuaded, she stood and took another step, once again crouching down and pushing her finger towards it. Scully smiled as she watched Lily repeat the ritual over and over, until the disgruntled toad disappeared into a nearby tree trunk. Nonplussed, she headed off for the old barn and disappeared behind it.

Scully waited for her to reappear, resisting the temptation to go after her; often she had to force herself to allow Lily out of her sight for even a second. Her overprotectiveness was justified, but it wasn't going to help her little girl grow up to be well-adjusted and independent. And they were safe on the farm.

Just then Lily emerged from around the barn, and immediately ran for the house. Scully dried her hands on her jeans and went to the back screen door to meet her. "What's up you?"

"You come here please, Mommy. Want show you something."

Scully followed her little girl out behind the barn, wondering what she'd gotten into. She seemed to make a new discovery almost hourly, and today was no exception.

"See!" Lily ran to an old feed bin with a large whole along the bottom and pointed inside.

"What did you find, Lily?" Scully got down on all fours to peer inside the bin, then waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark. Her heart sank at what she saw; all she could think was oh no, not something else she would have to be responsible for feeding. But she had to admit, they were really cute...

"Kittens, Mommy, kittens!" Lily bent closer, squeezing in next to Scully, and pointed to one of the kitten's front paws. She looked back up and smiled.

Scully smiled back. "Mittens."

Scully watched Lily with amusement as they walked back to the house, kitten in tow. Lily was having the time of her life; the place was a city kid's dream. And as she left Lily for the chicken coop, she wished she could say the same for herself.

She kept busy during the day, but the nights were long. At least during the day she could keep her mind off things. It wasn't difficult to do, the safe house Mulder had arranged for them was a working farm-- just some chickens and vegetable gardens, but it was enough to keep her on her feet and leave her exhausted by day's end.

Hands down, the chickens were her least favorite. Sticking her hands in the crevices of that dark smelly shack to retrieve eggs was a virtual nightmare; but four weeks later, she was an old pro at it. Grimacing, she pulled the last egg out and placed it with the others in the basket. She exited the small structure quickly, gratefully taking the fresh air in deep gusts.

And she wanted to kill Mulder. What the hell kind of safe house was this anyway? Mulder had reminded her that it all was necessary to make the place authentic, but then *he* wasn't the one busting his hump on that two-bit farm. "Authentic my ass," she mumbled as she walked the rest of the way back to the house, passing the gardens as she went. They weren't much better; her green thumb was veritably brown and she worried whoever used the place next would have a crop of dead weeds to tend to.

She took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen. At least Lily was enjoying herself; she tried to take solace in that.

The little girl had herded her kitten inside and retrieved a plastic bowl from one of the bottom cabinets. Scully had let her bring the one kitten inside to keep with her, but nixed any notions Lily might have had about caring for the entire brood for an extended period of time. She would bring the rest of them in to town next time they went; she was sure the old man who ran the grocery store there would be happy to put up some kittens for adoption.

"Need milk, Mommy," Lily said, holding out her bowl. "And pie."

Scully smiled as she pulled the milk from the fridge. "Kittens don't really eat blueberry pie, Sweetie. That's just in your book."

"No pie?"

"No pie," Scully confirmed. "But that reminds me-- after you do that, I want you to go pick some strawberries for me."

"You makin' pie Mommy?"

About the only thing Scully had ever baked in her life was a mud pie, when she was eight in Melissa's "Easy-Bake" oven. The pie and subsequent mess had not gone over well with her big sister, who had to relinquish her oven to the trash heap. "No, but I thought we could just have plain old strawberries, how does that sound?"

"Okay." Lily took the bowl and set it out for her kitten, but it was a bit too big, and as the little guy put both paws on the side to get at the milk, he got an instant milk bath. "Uh-oh Mommy. Mittens made mess."

"Here," Scully said, handing her another bowl. "You get started on the strawberries and I'll clean up, okay?"

"No problem," she said, and Scully's eyes followed her as she left through the back door. Something about the way she said that made her think of Mulder. Since she'd started spending more time alone with her daughter, Scully had noticed there were quite a few things she'd picked up from him. As she worked at cleaning up the milk, she found herself wondering where Mulder was and what he might be doing and hoping he was all right... and trying to pretend she didn't miss him so much.

"All finished," Lily said as she came back into the kitchen several minutes later.

"That was fast." Scully stood to face her. Her bowl was half filled with strawberries, and as Scully regarded the red stain around her mouth, she didn't have to guess where the other half had gone. She smiled slightly at the little girl. "Lily you were supposed to pick them, not eat them." But then, she supposed, that was half the fun.

Later that night after Lily had gone to bed, Scully sat on the couch with her open book on her lap, but her eyes were fixed on the phone. Lily's comment earlier had brought all the worry she had for Mulder to the surface and as a result she couldn't stop thinking about him. If she could just make *one* phone call-- just one. Maybe someone had at least seen Mulder and could verify that he was all right.

Scully shook her head and pulled her eyes away from the phone. The whole subject was probably moot anyway-- most likely the old thing wasn't even connected. But if it was... hadn't Mulder said there was a caretaker that usually lived there? She moved quickly, before she could change her mind, scooting to the edge of the couch and clutching the receiver to her ear. Dial tone--there was a dial tone. She hung the phone back up. Her breath was coming quicker and her mind was racing. She could call... who? Who would she call? She didn't know how to get in touch with the Lone Gunmen; the one contact number she did have for them was scribbled on a piece of paper in her top desk drawer at home. Her mom-- maybe Mulder had contacted her knowing she'd be sick with worry. No, she thought, not likely; he wouldn't want to put her mother in any kind of danger. Then she knew who she wanted to call: Skinner. True, there had been times in the past when she'd doubted him, but again and again he'd proved that he was an ally. He'd put his own life on the line for them on several occasions. Yes, she trusted him; he would be the one to call. Scully picked up the receiver again but hesitated, holding it just above the cradle as she struggled with what to do. A single phone call and it could potentially let her know that Mulder was okay, and with Skinner there to watch his back, maybe even save his life... but that single well-intentioned phone call could also be traced, and put Lily in danger... but if she kept it short no one would be able to put a trace on it...

Scully slammed the receiver back in its cradle. "Damn it!" she hissed. It wouldn't be a smart move; she couldn't risk Lily's safety. No matter how much she wanted to know. The frustration throbbing through her head, Scully gathered her book and blanket and started for the back door.

There was only one place that she hadn't grown to detest on the whole farm: the barn. It was refuge from the heat during the day and surprisingly warm at night. And there was something about the sweet smell of hay that reminded her of childhood. Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly homesick, she'd steal out to the old barn with a blanket and one of the tattered books she'd found and enjoy the quiet... and that wonderful smell. Tonight, she just needed that comfort, but as she settled in with her novel, the cozy dim light and warmth were lulling her to sleep, and she was struggling to keep her eyes open. She put her book down and closed her eyes.

And thought of Mulder.

The old pick up rattled and chugged the entire way into town. Scully only took the thing out when she absolutely had to, and they were once again running low on groceries.

As was typically the case, the single street that constituted the main hub of their "town" was practically empty, most of the residents having sought refuge from the heat indoors.

A fan cooled the sweat on her cheeks as Scully entered Tillman's Market. She couldn't help it, every time she passed through the door she heard Mulder's voice in her memory, his words heavy with a thick twang: "You need anything from the feed store?" She smiled slightly at the fond recollection, at that time that seemed so long ago. The Kindred were a lifetime away.

"Mommy." Lily's voice interrupted her reverie. "Don't step in the poop."

"What?" Scully looked down and stopped just in time to avoid the mess. "Oh..."

A man shuffled over with a shovel and a large, scruffy dog at his heels. They both moved like dinosaurs and appeared as ancient.

"My apologies, Miss. Max here just can't hold it like he used to."

Scully took hold of Lily's hand and led her around the odd little clean-up crew. She offered with a small smile. They had been in the shop a few times, and Scully recognized the man as the owner. Though she'd been weary of most everyone she came into contact with since arriving, he seemed pretty harmless. And he had been kind enough to put the kittens up for adoption in the front of his store the last time they'd been in.

As they were checking out some time later, Scully started on the bagging while the old man tallied up their purchases. When he was finished, he reached for one of small lollipops they kept behind the register and handed it to Lily along with their change. She eagerly accepted it. "Pop! Thanks."

Scully looked at him inquisitively.

"It's the least I can do. Sorry about that mess... don't want ya to think we run a pig sty here."

"You didn't have to do that, really."

He held up a hand as if the matter was settled.

Scully waited for him to help her finish bagging, but he hesitated. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Was there something else...?"

He took over bagging. "You're the people staying out at the old Burlingame place, aren't ya?"

Paranoia started to creep up on her, then eased. Something told her this man was not a threat... just an old fashioned gossip. She smiled noncommittally.

"That's a big place."

Scully pulled a TV Guide from its rack and inspected it. "Yes, it is," she agreed absent-mindedly.

"I used to know the Burlingames-- Jessie and Gerald. Real nice people," he said, shaking his head for emphasis. "But that was nearly 20 years ago now. Seems like they can't keep anyone in that place these days; people are always coming and going." He waited for Scully to comment, but when she didn't, he continued. "Anyhow, if you ever need any help with anything, you just call on me, all right?"

Scully stifled a smile. The frail old man looked like he'd have trouble lifting a Dixie cup, let alone helping her out with some of the backbreaking work she had to do at the house. "I'll keep that in mind, thank you."

He displayed two weather-beaten, aged hands and smiled. "I'm pretty good with my hands."

Scully watched him dubiously and for the first time really got a good look at him. He was a little disheveled and worse for the wear, but his eyes held a certain intelligence and, she thought, a hint of mischief.

The corner of her mouth turned up at him. "Is that so?" For a second Scully thought she saw recognition in the old man's eyes, maybe something about her reminded him of his own daughter. "Well thank you, that's very kind of you," she said, though she had no intention of taking him up on his offer.

"Don't let this ol' hide fool you, I'm still pretty useful-- run this place all by myself. Well, and Max of course." He tipped his head in the direction of the old mutt, who was taking five in front of the counter.

Lily crouched down and patted the old dog. "You think he like Mittens, Mommy?"

Scully thought Max looked like he would probably like to EAT poor Mittens. "I don't know, Sweetie..."

"Well, you remember what I said, Miss."

"I will. Thanks again." She watched him walk away, her gaze fixed on him until he disappeared into the back room. Her eyes passed from the old man to another man standing some distance away, down at the other end of the aisle with his back to her. He looked as out of place as she and Mulder had when they first arrived, decked out in a dark brown suit despite the oppressive heat. Scully felt a cold chill descend on her. Mulder had recounted to her two occasions when a mysterious informant had approached him--both times in a grocery store. Was it simple coincidence? If not, that might mean they'd been found... Panic momentarily seized her. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. For all she new this guy was just some yuppie tourist in the market for a weekend retreat.

But dressed like that? And all the way out here? "Lily."

She was struggling with the lollipop wrapper. "Yes?"

"Come on Sweetie, let's go now."

"Can't do it, Mommy."

"I'll get it for you in the car." She was too busy herding Lily through the door to see another man trying to come through, and they nearly collided with him. Scully mumbled an apology to the massive cowboy hat that obscured his face as she passed him and headed to the truck.

Inside the vehicle, Scully waited, keeping watch on the store's entrance to see if the man in the suit would follow. After several minutes had passed and no one had come through the door, she relaxed against the seat and started the engine.

The sky was an ugly shade of green as they pulled away from Tillman's, and Scully wondered if they weren't going to see another storm. It rarely rained, but when it did they got a good drenching.

Occupied with her lollipop, Lily was uncharacteristically quiet as they drove. When she finished she started to pull out the kid's sombrero they'd bought at Tillmans. It was made of straw and the bolo string had a big red bead on it and Lily absolutely loved it. But she hadn't quite removed it from the bag when the truck's engine cut out, and the truck rolled to a stop about ten minutes from their drive. Scully put it in park and tried turning the key in the ignition. Then again. The engine was completely flooded.

"Broken," Lily offered.

"Let's hope not." Scully pulled the release latch for the hood. "Stay put you."

Scully examined the engine; while she was no pro, having two brothers meant she knew a little bit about cars. But nothing looked out of the ordinary...

A drop of water hit the engine, then another... Scully looked up as the rain started. It gathered momentum quickly, sending a heavy shower of water down on top of her. "Great," she said out loud, glancing skyward. "Thank you. Thank you very much." Resigning herself to having to wait until another car passed by for help, Scully was about to close the hood when she noticed a loose plug wire disconnected from the cap. She replaced it, then slammed the hood shut and got back in the truck as quickly as she could.

Lily regarded her mother gravely as she entered the car, dress sticking to her and hair matted around her face. "Wet, Mommy."

Fat droplets of water slid along the strands of hair around her face as glanced at the little girl. She smiled. "No, I'd say soaked would be a better word."

Lily's face was serious as she nodded. "Soaked," she concurred.

"Well, let's see if Mommy fixed it." Scully reached for the key. "Come on come on come on," she pleaded. It worked; the engine sputtered to life.

By the time they'd reached the house the clouds were breaking up and the arid air had returned; Scully's hair and her dress were thankfully almost dry. As she helped Lily out of the truck, golden sunlight on rain-kissed grass dazzled her-- it was going to be another spectacular sunset.

They hauled the groceries inside and as they started putting them away, Mittens wandered in from the front room, disheveled and sleepy. Lily scooped him up. "Need to get some food."

"I bought some," Scully said, rifling through the bags. "I thought I did anyway..." Hoping she'd left a bag in the truck and not at Tillman's, she touched Lily's cheek with her finger and gave a small smile. "Be right back."

Scully opened the front door and the first thing she saw was the cowboy hat; panic gripped her until she recognized the face beneath it. "Frohike?"

"Greetings," he said, removing the hat.

She smiled and opened the door as Frohike entered. Byers and Langly filed in behind him.

The dark brown suit Byers was wearing was familiar. "That was you? At the store?"

They nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"We didn't want to draw attention to you; you know-- trying to keep a low profile."

Scully's eyes dropped to the ten-gallon monstrosity he'd been sporting. "Low profile? You look like The Village People." Her gaze moved from his sheepish grin to Langly, who was eyeballing their surroundings.

"Nice place," he offered, but Scully could see he was practically twitching in their technology-deprived environment. He might have even paled at the sight of her black and white TV.

"Yeah," Frohike agreed politely. "We'd heard about this place but have never actually seen it."

"What are you guys doing here anyway?"

Byers pulled out a large envelope from his suit jacket and handed to her. "Someone thought you might be low on funds."

Scully took it from him and pushed back the flap, running her thumb over the bills. It took a second for it to dawn on her. Her heart began to pound in her chest. "You saw Mulder? When?"

"Months ago. He left this with instructions to give it to you if we hadn't heard from him in three months. He left another envelope in case he doesn't return in another three."

Scully did the calculations in her head. That meant Mulder had seen them just after he'd left. It wasn't encouraging news.

Lily entered the room, clutching her kitten to her chest.

"So is this the little one?" Frohike asked, moving to kneel in front of her.

Lily regarded the trio of men with vague interest as they gathered around her.

Langly studied her. "Wow."

"Fascinating," Frohike agreed.

Scully's brow drew together; she went to Lily and took her hand. "She's not a lab experiment," she accused sharply, knowing that the unfortunate truth was that she indeed was. But Scully never wanted her to feel like one.

"No of course not, I didn't mean to imply--" Frohike started as his colleagues exchanged guilty looks.

Scully held up a hand, embarrassed by her own reaction. "No that's all right-- I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little touchy on the subject."

"Perfectly understandable," Byers offered, then turned to the little girl. "I guess we should get going anyway. It was nice to meet you Lily."

"Nice to meet you," she responded.

Scully was reluctant to see the familiar faces go. "You can stay for a while if you want..."

"Thanks, but we have to get back," Byers said as the others gathered at the door and made their way out onto the porch.

"Oh. All right." She indicated the envelope. "Well thanks for this."

Frohike turned before closing the door and gave her a smile. "We'll be in touch." In his best cowboy impression, he tipped his hat at her.

She couldn't help it, he looked ridiculous, and Scully smiled as he closed the door. I hope not, she thought, the next time I see someone standing at my door I want it to be Mulder.

Several minutes later, as if on cue, there was another knock. Scully put the last of the perishables in the fridge and hurried back to the door, hoping that maybe they'd changed their minds about having to leave.

"Hi there."

She was surprised to see the stranger standing at her door; Scully recognized his face from town but had never spoken to him and couldn't imagine what he'd be doing on her doorstep. She kept the door partially closed and wished her gun wasn't all the way up in her room. "Can I help you?"

"Hope I'm not intruding. Name's Ben Hanscom. You don't know me, I've seen you around..." He looked at her, suddenly nervous; her eyes were striking up close and he lost his train of thought. Recovering at last, he continued. "Anyway, I saw these weird guys following you when you left Tillman's-kinda suspicious lookin'. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

So much for not attracting attention to her. "Well I appreciate your concern but we're fine," she said, relaxing.

Sitting across the street eating his lunch, Ben had seen her go into Tillman's with her daughter a couple of times, the pretty little thing with the face like a roman statue and hair the shade of rich amber. He'd wished for the opportunity to talk to her about a dozen times, but actually standing there in front of her he found he couldn't quite speak.

"Really, thanks but we're okay."

"All right." Defeated, he gave a quick nod. "We'll see you around then."

Scully closed the door and moved to the window, watching him until his truck disappeared beyond the tall grass. She turned to Lily, who was sitting on the floor playing with the toy doctor's bag Scully had found on one of their visits to Tillman's. Mittens was getting his first physical. Scully sat on the couch and, intending to take a short break, she pulled her feet up and curled onto her side. It was a mistake. As she watched Lily playing, the weariness settled over her and she could feel her eyelids growing heavy. She drifted off to sleep.

"My fish still swimmin' Mommy?"

Scully opened her eyes to see her daughter's face. "What?"

"My fish," Lily reminded her.

Oh no... Scully hadn't even thought about the poor little guys. She could only hope her Mom had been in there taking care of things, or she was going to go home to bill collectors, an eviction notice, and fish soup. "I think so," she said as optimistically as she could.

Lily watched her as she ran a hand over her face. "Sleeping, Mommy?"

"I was," she answered with a smile. Lily's own sleep had become much more regular; she'd even stopped having nightmares recently, which Scully attributed to the peace and security of the safe house.

"Snugglin'."

"Snuggling? No, I'm not. Here--" She reached for Lily, guiding her onto the couch. "Let me give you a little lesson in snuggling," she said with a smile, encircling the little girl with her arms. "It takes two."

Late that night Scully got up out of bed, having been wakened by a noise. She listened for a minute in the quiet darkness, her eyes moving slowly around the moonlit room. She stood and started for the door, and then she saw it: there was a calendar pinned to the wall, but Scully couldn't remember ever seeing it there before. As she stepped closer to investigate, a strange breeze rustled the pages and sent the printed numbers and letters scattering to the floor around her feet like dry leaves. She looked back up at the calendar, and she could see that the squares were now blank and where the month should've been there was empty space. Only the year remained: 1994.

She jumped as the noise that had initially roused her started again, only this time she recognized what it was-- the doorbell; hollow, two-toned chimes ringing out relentlessly in the otherwise silent night. Scully knew the house didn't have one, and realized she was dreaming. The frantic sound continued as Scully left her bedroom and crossed the hallway to Lily's. The child was sleeping soundly, so she crept down the stairs to investigate as the noise continued.

Just as she was reaching for the door, the ringing stopped as quickly as it started. Hesitantly, she continued for the knob, opening the door carefully-- just a crack, and then the rest of the way as she saw that there was no one there. Taking a few steps out onto the porch, she looked around the moonlit landscape. A little ways in the distance she saw a flash of white-- of someone's shirt she thought, then took a few steps out onto the yard to get a better look. There she could see it wasn't a shirt, but an animal of some kind. Relaxing, she turned around to head back to the house, but what she saw there sent her blood running cold. Someone was standing in the doorway. She couldn't make the person out, only a dark figure with a long coat standing in her entryway. She was stricken with terror for Lily, upstairs in bed and all alone in the house. She started to run back to the entrance. The figure slammed the door shut.

Suddenly, she was standing in the middle of a fair ground on a sunny day. The sound of thrill-seeking children enjoying the rides and the conversations of less adventurous companions as they waited on the ground was all around her, but the rides whirled around without any passengers-- they were all empty. The fair ground was deserted. After a few minutes she saw Mulder coming towards her, dressed casually in jeans and a tee shirt, holding two sodas. He handed one to her and leaned back against the rail of the carousel they stood in front of.

"Where's Lily?" she asked.

"She's in the garden."

In the strange logic of a dream, that made perfect sense to her. "It's a shame; she always loved the carousel."

"I always loved you," he said.

Scully startled awake with a sharp breath, curled on her side in bed. Her eyes immediately went to the wall in front of her where the calendar had been in her dream, some small, irrational part of her seeking verification that it had in fact been just that. There was nothing there. Then she thought about the last part-- the part that had forced her awake. Mulder had never said he loved her.

She didn't even think he'd ever said it to Lily, and there was no doubt in her mind he loved the little girl.

She remembered the relief she felt after the boxcar explosion, when Mulder came to her in a dream to let her know he was all right. Of course, then, she had been reluctant to admit that. But she?d seen too much since to doubt that that was what had happened. Only this time... she couldn't help but feel like he was saying goodbye. The reality of that thought overwhelmed her; she turned her face into her pillow and cried, until sorrow exhausted itself into emptiness and weariness pulled her into sleep.

The next morning Scully had to drag herself from bed, and went around doing her morning routine on auto-pilot. She was still reeling from her dream. Mulder was dead. That was what the dream signified. What else could it mean? As she stared at the pancakes she was making for Lily, she tried not to lose hope. This dream didn't feel like the others she'd had about Lily, and the one she'd had about Mulder was so long ago she couldn't recall what it had felt like. Her eyes drifted up from the sizzling skillet to the plastic Mary on the hood of the stove. Slowly, as she stared at the figure, realization came to her- in her dream Mulder said Lily was in the garden, but not *a* garden, *the* Garden-- The Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve, the creation of life? Lily was a creation too, only a life created by man for a purpose she would probably never come to know. Well, she thought, at least that part of the dream made sense now. It was strange how your subconscious made connections you weren't aware of... Or maybe she was just over analyzing again. Sometimes, Doctor Freud, a cigar is just a cigar, and a bizarre dream is just a bizarre dream...

"Uh-oh, smoke."

Scully pulled herself from her thoughts. "Oh..."

"Mommy... burning."

"Sorry about that Lily," she said, pulling the blackening cakes from the griddle and dumping them in the trash. "Mommy's a little out of it today."

Lily studied her thoughtfully for a moment as she started on a new batch. "You like the circus, Mommy?"

Images of Lenny and his ambulatory appendage surfaced. "Sure, I guess so."

"You like flying horses?"

Scully froze, then turned to look at her. "Flying horses?" She walked over to the table. "What are you talking about Lily?"

She picked up a crayon and resumed her coloring without answering.

Scully sat down at the table, leaning towards her daughter until the little girl looked at her. "Lily," she said slowly, her gaze holding blue eyes that were so like her own, "what did you dream about last night?" When she didn't respond, Scully tried again. "Lily?"

"Don't know. Can't 'member."

"Tell me more about the flying horses."

The little girl turned her coloring book to show Scully. "See? Flying horses."

She was coloring a picture of a carousel. Another strange coincidence? Scully didn't think Lily had ever been on a carousel or even knew that they were sometimes called flying horses... But she could've easily learned the word on TV.

Scully watched her for a long moment, then reached out to her daughter to run a hand along her hair. She told herself she'd spent too much time with Mulder, and the thing with the carousel was just a coincidence. As she continued to look at Lily, she was stunned to realize how quickly she was changing, and that she hadn't seen it before. It seemed like Lily was suddenly hanging on to the last vestiges of her baby fat and Scully couldn't remember when she'd started using contractions and prepositions. Her father's voice came to her through her memory, speaking to her softly: "People would say to me, life is short; kids, they grow up so fast, before you know it, it's over. I never listened. For me life moved at a proper pace. There were many rewards. Until the moment I knew...I understood... I would never see you again. My little girl. Then, my life felt as if it had been the length of one breath, one heartbeat..."

Scully closed her eyes, shutting out the tears before they could fall. She stood and kissed the top of Lily's head before heading back to the stove.

As the days moved on, it became increasingly more difficult for Scully to come to terms with her dream. If Mulder was dead, what then? She didn't want to stay there with Lily permanently; they would have to leave. But go where? And what if Mulder wasn't dead and he tried to find them? These thoughts consumed her as she worked at the mindless task of weeding. She glanced up to check on Lily as she played, then did a double take when something caught her eye. It was Ben Hanscom, emerging from the side of the house. He removed his hat as he approached, smiling when he caught sight of her.

Scully wiped her hands on her jeans. "Great," she muttered at the soil, "I need this like I need a hole in the head..."

"Hi there."

She smiled thinly and stood, removing the black baseball cap she'd worn to keep the sun off her face. "Hi."

Ben studied her and smiled. "You're not from around here, are you?"

When Scully went in to town, she always wore the dress Mulder had purchased for her, and that was the only thing Ben had ever seen her in; she realized in her jeans and big lugger shoes, she was the quintessential fish out of water. "Oh, um..."

He indicated the ground she'd been working at. "You're weeding carrots."

"What?" Scully looked back down at her pile. "Those aren't carrots," she said, suddenly not quite certain.

"Well they would've been if you'd given them half a chance."

Scully looked back at him and stifled a laugh. She'd been weeding those things all summer. "Well. Thanks." An awkward silence descended on them, until Scully finally spoke up. "So? Was there something I could help you with?"

"Oh--yeah. Maybe. I was wondering... I go fishing Saturday mornings, thought maybe you'd like to come sometime. We could get a bite to eat afterwards..." He indicated Lily with his hat. "Both of you. My treat."

The fact that he had asked her was surprising enough; that she was considering it was even more shocking. I've been holed up too long, she thought wryly. Or maybe, the thought of giving Mulder a little payback was just too tempting... but not likely. And as enticing as the thought of a little adult conversation was, for now it was best that she and Lily kept to themselves. "I appreciate the offer-- really. But no thanks."

"If you don't like fishing, we could just have lunch..."

"I'm afraid not."

He was obviously disappointed, but took it well. "All right then. Well if you need anything..."

"We're fine, thanks. I really do appreciate it."

"You sending me out to pasture?"

A smile threatened to surface. "Well I never heard it put quite that way before..."

"It's all right", he said, holding up a hand. "Well you take it easy now."

"Thanks."

Scully let out a slow breath as she watched him go. Quick but not entirely painless, she thought. Looking around for Lily, Scully could see that she was running around the barn "shooting" imaginary targets with a stick, her sombrero hanging around her neck as she went. Scully glanced at the pile of carrot stalks she'd weeded and decided to call it quits for the day.

Inside, she poured herself a glass of water. She hadn't quite finished when Lily came through the back door, exhausted and sweaty from her game. "No more bad guys, Mommy."

Scully smiled at her. "Nice shootin', Tex."

The little girl's expression changed then, her brow creasing in concern. "Ouch" Lily said, pointing to Scully's face.

Scully looked at her for a minute, not understanding, then lifted a finger to her upper lip. A tiny trickle of blood had worked its way down from her nose. "Oh..." She was a little shocked-- her cancer had gone into remission years ago, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a nosebleed. A knot of dread formed in her stomach. Oh no please... I can't get sick now. Not now... She tried to shake it off; it was probably just a response to the extremely dry weather they were experiencing. Rising to her feet, Scully went to the kitchen area and ran the water. When she had finished rinsing the blood away, she went back to Lily.

She was standing watching Scully, hands clasped together in front of her. Her lips were pursed tight with worry and her eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

"Oh Lily..." Scully reached for her. "Come here." Though she occasionally got angry, Lily was a happy child by nature, and Scully couldn't ever remember seeing her sad. It touched her deeply. "I'm okay. Really-- all better, see?" Scully picked her up and settled back on the couch with her. "It's all right," she soothed. As Lily snuggled close, Scully turned to rest her cheek against the top of her head. It made Scully sad to think about the life her daughter had had thus far; being separated from those she loved had become routine for her. The look on her face when she thought Scully might be sick or hurt had told her that that fact had not left her without a scar. The anger coursed through her, but Scully refused to cry for them again, so she tightened her hold on the child and held her, dry-eyed and furious. Pulling the throw blanket from behind her, she draped it over them, and it wasn't long before Lily was asleep. Scully sat with her for a long time, the anger slowly ebbing as a realization came to her, and a new emotion took its place. Somewhere, in that strange, surreal time away together, something had happened. Finally, they were healed.

Continued...

The Offspring 10: Strange

by Kelli Rocherolle

6/98

The end of summer was fast approaching, and with its passing went Scully's optimism at seeing Mulder again. Something was wrong, she was certain of it. It had been late spring when they arrived, and in less than a month Lily would be celebrating a birthday. Both she and Mulder knew it would take some time, but Scully hadn't thought it would take this long. And she was sure Mulder would've tried to contact her by now.

Scully agonized over what to do. She'd had another nosebleed... two over the course of the several months they'd been there wasn't a lot and could easily be explained by the dry weather. But Scully couldn't help but be concerned; she needed to consider all the possibilities. If she got sick, who would protect Lily? She needed to find someone who would be willing to come with them, to take care of Lily if Scully did get sick; someone who didn't know anything about her or her daughter or their past; someone who could keep Lily safe. Her thoughts turned to Ben Hanscom.

"Bye bye bubbles."

Scully watched her little girl, sitting in front of her in the old claw foot tub, playing with the bubbles of their bath in nothing but her sombrero. She did love that thing. "Hey Sheriff, what do you say we take off this hat so I can wash your hair?"

"Okay, Mommy." Lily pulled the hat off and with a child's exuberance sent it flying to the other side of the bathroom, where it landed on a heap of towels.

As she worked at lathering up Lily's hair, Scully at last made a decision. She and Lily would wait another month and then leave, with our without Ben Hanscom. They would find a place to settle permanently, a place far away from the men who wanted to harm them where Lily would be safe. They would make a new life together. And they would be fine.

Later, in the comfort of her bedroom, Scully was curled up on her bed with Lily, reading her a story. She'd been narrating for several minutes without any commentary from Lily when she suspected the little girl had dozed off. "Are you sleepy yet, Lily?" Scully lifted her head off the headboard to get a better look at the little girl's face. "Lily?" She was fast asleep. Scully carefully pried the book from her hands and rested her head back against the board. Her eyes panned the cozy room. There was a part of her that would miss the old farmhouse. She'd changed a lot since they'd arrived. She felt restored.

Scully was realistic; she knew that even if Mulder did come back to take them home, she could never get back the life she'd left behind. As much as she missed her mom, her family, the luxuries and conveniences of living in a big city, her life back home had centered around work. Around Mulder. Work had been her life, but now Lily was; Lily was the only one she had left, and Scully was happy to make the necessary sacrifices for her little girl. And the safest thing for Lily was to keep living the way they were, even if that meant moving from one God-forsaken rural town to another. Scully only hoped that they might be able to find some place a little less... isolated.

Yes, there was no doubt that some good had come of having to stay at the farm. And there were some things that she'd miss. But their departure was still a few weeks off, so in the meantime she would enjoy what she liked about the place and not look back when they left.

With that thought, she reached for the light and drowned the room in darkness. Scully tucked Lily in next to her and went to sleep.

The next day was like any other there on the farm. Scully spent it doing various chores, and Lily played around the grounds when she wasn't offering assistance. Normally, just making a decision about something made Scully feel better, but this time it was different. This time, her decision came with a high price. If he were still alive, it would cost her Mulder. But he would've wanted them to be safe-- she knew that too. Even if it meant risking never seeing either of them again.

And, she still had Ben Hanscom to contend with. He was obviously interested, there was definitely an attraction there, and though under other circumstance neither of those things would have mattered, she had to think about Lily. She would do whatever it took to make sure her daughter was safe. And that meant securing a future for the little girl even if Scully weren't around to protect her.

Feeling down and distracted, Scully finished up early, leaving the things that could wait until the next day, and got a head start on their dinner. There weren't a lot of luxuries to spend money on and Scully had been frugal with what they did have, but that day she splurged when they went in to town and bought makings for a big dinner, complete with ice cream and pre-made cake for dessert, and new books for she and Lily to read afterward. "Hey Lily..."

The little girl was sitting at the table, snapping green beans. She looked up from her task.

"You know, they're having a fair in town for Labor Day. What do you say we go?"

Her face lit up. "A party?"

"Sort of. It's like a big cook-out, and there might be a few rides and games-- things like that."

"When, Mommy? Today?"

In her enthusiasm she forgot that today was almost over. "In a couple of days, sweetie. Saturday."

"I like for you to take me to that party, Mommy."

"Okay then, it's a plan." Lily smiled in response and went back to her green beans. It would be a nice opportunity for Lily to play with some other kids-- something she almost never got to do. And, Scully reluctantly admitted, an opportunity to see Ben Hanscom.

Scully got dinner started, then she and Lily settled in to start on their books. Lily moved quickly through hers and started in on her drawing paper and crayons.

Scully watched her as she worked on her picture. Was Lily developing normally? She seemed like a bright, intelligent child, but Scully knew little about normal developmental milestones and was at a loss as to whether or not Lily was achieving hers. It didn't help that they were unsure of her exact age.

"Look Mommy." Lily displayed her picture, a portrait of a woman with large eyes, pearls, and blue, gravity-defying hair. "Marge!"

It was bad enough they only got a few television channels, that one of them was FOX only added insult to injury. Scully smiled. At least this was better than last time, after they'd aired the Star Trek marathon and Lily had spent nearly a week insisting Scully call her "Captain". She watched as the little girl started on a new picture. "Who's next? Homer?"

"Bart."

Scully smiled as Lily got back to work, then returned her attention to her novel. They were quiet for a long time, engrossed in their respective activities. It was Lily's voice that pulled her from the story.

"Daddy's home," she said, matter-of-factly.

Scully looked up from her novel. Lily continued to work at her coloring, seemingly unaware that she'd said anything. But she had-- Scully was sure of it. Had Lily heard something she hadn't? Sitting up from the couch, she went to one of the front windows and peeked through the curtain. "What are you talking about, Lily?" She moved to the front door and opened it. The grass, turned amber in the late afternoon sun, was blowing gently in the breeze, a bird sailed effortlessly through the sky... nothing out of the ordinary.

Then she saw it--barely visible in the distance but distinct nonetheless-- a human figure.

She went out onto the front porch and stared across the meadow, unable to take her eyes off the dark shape. And then her legs were moving-- the first step, the second, out onto the dirt drive. She was vaguely aware of Lily following her. Ben Hanscom, someone else from town, or worse-- someone sent to track them down-- it could've been any one of them... but somehow she knew it wasn't. Her feet reached the field and her pace quickened. Faster, her legs were moving further into the field. And suddenly she was sprinting across the tall grass, the soft green blades lashing against the material of her jeans as she went. As she neared, a sense of jubilation elevated her... it was Mulder. She knew it before she even saw his face; she'd recognize that gait anywhere. He continued to walk towards her, closing the distance between them, and she could see that he was smiling.

Mulder braced himself for impact as she neared, grinning stupidly as her arms came around him. He never could've anticipated how good it would be to see her again. Many, many times he'd imagined it, but even his most potent fantasies paled in comparison to the real thing. His arms encircled her, soft and small in his arms. The sensation belied the formidable and courageous person she was inside. She buried her face in his neck, the air that had been locked in her lungs rushing out in a sound that could've indicated tears or laughter.

As his arms held her secure and strong, time slowed, pivoted, and was lost; she was overwhelmed with happiness at seeing him again, her old friend and deepest love. Scully didn't know how long they stood there like that, but eventually Lily caught up to them.

They released each other and Mulder bent to give Lily a hug. He studied the little girl as he rested her back on the ground, and was blown away by how much she'd changed. She was still petite but a little bit taller--lankier, and her face had lost most of its baby fat. "Do I know you?" he teased.

"Yeeeees!"

Mulder brought a hand to his chin, feigning a look of concentration. "Eunice?"

"NO!"

"Thelma?"

Lily shook her head.

"Myrtle?"

"Daddy! It's me-- Lily!"

"Lily?" He regarded her dubiously. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Absolutely."

Mulder smiled widely. "That's right, now I remember."

"You're silly," she said in perfect English, and Mulder was saddened that she had lost her cave-speak, and that he had missed the transition. He realized then that she'd been changing all along, even before he'd left, but that his time away from her had only made that transition more pronounced.

He looked back at Scully. Her hair was a little longer-- more like when he first met her, but otherwise she was exactly how he remembered. He brought up a hand to touch her hair, letting his thumb trace her cheek as he did.

It felt weird seeing him again, and Scully had to resist the urge to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't having one of her bizarre dreams. "How did you get here? Where's your car?"

Mulder indicated the direction of the main road. "I parked up in the grass by the road; I wanted to surprise you."

He could've pulled up with the Macys Day Parade and accomplished that. Scully had resolved herself to the fact that she would never seem him again... and there he was. The irony was not lost on her.

As they walked back to the house, Lily chattered about her new kitten and the amazing discoveries she'd made during her stay, and though Mulder smiled, listening intently to the little girl as she walked several feet in front of them, Scully noticed he kept his hand her back, her arm, her shoulder.

When they got inside he reached across the table to take her hand without even realizing he did it. And Scully let him. She didn't know why, but she let him. It seemed to be his unspoken privilege to touch her. Once while Lily was talking, Scully had looked from their hands to his face as he listened, and he caught her eye. It only lasted a second; the most fleeting of glances and yet it made her feel like the skin was melting off her bones.

"You can come to the party," Lily said suddenly.

"Party?"

"Well, it's not really a party..." Scully explained, wondering if Mulder detected the guilt that flashed behind her eyes. "Lily and I were just thinking of going to the Labor Day picnic in town."

"So I'm missing and presumed dead and you guys are livin' it up; I see how this works." He was happy, reveling in the joy of their reunion.

Sitting up in her chair, Lily rested her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "And we have dessert tonight."

"Oh yeah? What's the occasion?"

"Nothing special," Scully answered, wishing they'd change the subject.

Lily delighted in telling him her good news. "We have ice cream. And cake!"

"You baked something, Scully?"

"Well, no..."

"We got a box, Daddy," Lily confided. "Like Twinkies."

"Twinkies, Fruit Loops... So when does she start on the Ritalin?"

"That's not funny, Mulder."

His eyes smiled back at her.

That night, dinner lasted well into the evening hours, long after Lily got bored with their conversation and wandered off to her toys. Mulder gave Scully the Cliff Notes version of what he'd been able to accomplish. The journey home had been a success. He had been able to get a personal guarantee from Senator Matheson that the window had passed. He didn't entirely trust the man, but other information he'd attained confirmed the Senator's facts, including hard copies of the preliminary research proposal's timeline.

"So when can we head back?"

"I booked us flights for a week from tomorrow."

"A week?" Scully was disappointed; she was more than anxious to get back and get things settled.

"If you really want to, Scully, we can head out by car or train instead and leave sooner... I was just hoping-- I've been on the road so much I was actually looking forward to staying put for a little while." And, he didn't say, to spending some time with Scully before they had to head back to reality.

Scully could certainly understand, and besides, the place had sort of grown on her. Not that she wanted to make it a permanent residence, but she had gotten used to it in a strange way. "No that's okay. We can stick it out another week."

Mulder settled back in his chair and smiled. "I was hoping you'd say that."

It was almost half and hour later when Lily wandered back in, having exhausted her small supply of toys and the two remaining TV channels.

"Oh my God," Scully said, glancing at her watch. She'd completely forgotten about Lily's bedtime. She got up from the table and started clearing the dishes. "Why don't you go up and start getting ready for bed, Sweetie. I'll be right up."

Too tired from all the excitement to protest, Lily did as she was told, and they were left in awkward silence as she did. It was Scully who rescued them. "Well I'll get started on these dishes if you want to help Lily."

"Yeah, sure." Mulder stood from the table, relieved she'd assigned him the more pleasant of the tasks.

Upstairs, Lily had snaked out about a mile of toothpaste onto her brush, and it dripped over her hands and into the sink. "Made a mess, Daddy," she said.

Mulder smiled at her. "I see some things never change." And he was grateful for that.

When he'd finished helping her brush her teeth and change into her p.j.'s, he settled her into bed. She stopped him when he went to turn off the light. "Mommy says I can see a book first."

"Oh." That was something new in her routine. "Oh. Okay-- which one do you want?"

She pointed to one with strange characters on the front.

"Hop On Pop?" He handed it to her. "You gonna read it to me?" he teased.

"Can't read it! It's for I can see the pictures," she explained patiently.

He smiled and was about to offer to read it to her when he remembered Scully down in the kitchen. He didn't want to leave her with all those dishes to clean up so he told Lily he'd be back up in a bit to tuck her in, and left her to her book.

Back in the kitchen, Scully was straining to reach the top shelf in one of the cabinets. Maybe he'd been away too long or maybe he was just over tired but he thought in that moment, putting a bowl away in her jeans, she'd never looked sexier. She'd been driving him crazy since the moment he laid eyes on her again, and he couldn't help it... Though there might have been some part of his brain that was feeling a little less fatigued than the rest that was advising him otherwise, he ignored it and came up behind her to help her put the bowl away.

Mulder's sudden movement so close startled her. "Oh... " She watched as he nested the bowl in with the others and closed the cabinet. "Thanks." Scully started to take another dish off the drying rack, expecting him to move away, but he didn't; he just stood there behind her, barely touching her. She could feel his breath grazing the nape of her neck and it had the strange effect of making her feel weak and powerful at the same time. "I um, I can get the rest of these."

Hesitating for a moment, Mulder stepped aside as she turned to face him with the dish. The look in his eyes was unmistakably predatory.

"What?" she asked, faltering in that gaze. He didn't answer, and Scully suddenly felt the urge to find a means of egress. Her foot started backward, seeking out safer ground.

Mulder reached out and carefully took her free hand in his before she could escape. "I think you have dishpan hands, Scully," he teased.

"Stop," she said, slipping her hand from his.

He stepped closer. "Why?"

Scully didn't answer him, but she didn't move away either.

As he tried for her again, she hid her hands behind her back, holding her breath as he reached around her. She was painfully aware of his every movement as if it was in slow motion; his face hovered near her own, tempting her...

Mulder couldn't believe what was happening. He was well aware of the effect he'd once had on her, but as he studied her face now, he realized he still held that power. He listened to the uneven sounds of her breathing as they stood unmoving, paralyzed in agonizing sexual tension.

Then, the plate she was still holding slid out of her hand and clamored to the floor. The old linoleum broke the fall but it was enough of a distraction to break the spell.

Scully bent to pick it up. "I um... I'll finish up here. You can go up."

He didn't want to push it. What had almost happened was too much to ask for; he didn't want to ruin it in any way. "Yeah. I better go check on Lily." He smiled. "Make sure she hasn't pulled out War and Peace on me."

"Okay goodnight," she said quickly, unable to look at him. Her own feelings surprised and unnerved and excited her. What the hell was she thinking? She'd been wrong to get involved with Mulder in the first place; she didn't plan on repeating the mistake.

Sometime later, after Mulder had opted to stay up and they'd spent another hour talking --this time mostly about Lily-- Mulder found he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. "All right," he said, stretching his arms and standing. "I'm gonna head up."

"Okay." Scully indicated her book. "I think I'm going to read for a little while--too wired to sleep."

Mulder gave a quick nod. "I'll check on Lily before I turn in."

Scully's eyes followed him as he walked to the stairs, hesitating just before them as if a thought occurred to him.

He turned toward her. "Where is my bed anyway?"

"Oh. Well, I've been sleeping in the front bedroom next to Lily's. You can take any of the others."

Mulder nodded his thanks and went up to bed.

That night, his dreams were plagued by images of his time away, of his meetings with the cigarette smoking man and his well-dressed counterpart; of the horrible things they'd led Mulder to believe. But then, whether she actually came to his bedside at the sound of his restless sleep or was a figment of his imagination, Scully was there suddenly, comforting him, telling him it was going to be all right, and the painful memories receded into the shadows of his subconscious. She was salvation in the darkness.

Scully enjoyed the special treat of one of Mulder's breakfasts. Fried eggs, hash browns and bacon... no one could clog your arteries quite like Mulder. She watched as he stood at the stove tending to their eggs.

"So were you guys really planning on going to that picnic?"

"Yeah we were going to." She shifted in her seat. "But we don't have to now. I mean we don't have to go if you don't want to. Why do you ask?"

"I'm just surprised you were going to go-- I thought you guys were laying low." He turned the flame down on the burner.

"We are-- we were. But I just thought it would be nice for Lily to get to play with some kids her own age. I figured it would be safe; there would be enough people that we could blend in well enough." Scully realized she was over explaining. "Anyway..." she said, getting up to pour them some juice.

"Well I think you should still go. We can all go. We're going to be here anyway, it'll be fun."

Lily came in to the kitchen, donning her hat, with Mittens tucked under her arm.

"Hey Spud. You're just in time for breakfast." Mulder nodded at the table.

Scully put the juice container back in the fridge. "She ate already."

"Oh. You want to try some anyway?"

Lily nodded and climbed up into her chair, setting Mittens on the floor and her hat beside him. As Mulder put the egg he'd scrambled for her down on the table, Lily eyeballed them suspiciously, then looked at her mother's fried counterpart. It looked even less appealing.

"Try it Spud. If you don't like it you don't have to eat it."

She was game for that. Lily was curious by nature and would try anything once. Bending over her plate, she shoveled a pile onto her fork and took a mouthful. Immediately, she bent forward again, pushing the eggs off her tongue and back on to her plate. "Daddy!" she said, her tone suggesting she thought she was being teased.

"What?"

"You stop!"

Mulder realized she thought he had played a trick on her, that the eggs weren't edible. "You can eat them-- I know they feel funny in your mouth but they're good."

"She did the same thing when I gave her Jell-O," Scully commented from the counter, pulling out her toast.

"No thanks," Lily offered, and hopped off her chair. As she went back outside to play, Mulder took a seat at the table. He shrugged. "At least you like my cooking, Scully."

"I never said that," she teased, "I said I like that you cook FOR me."

He gave her a look: very funny.

Scully smiled coyly at him, for once enjoying the feeling of being the teaser instead of the tease-e. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Not hungry."

"Oh good," she said, putting her toast down to grab a basket off the counter. It was time for a little payback.

Mulder caught it just as it was about to whiz by his head, then gave her a questioning look.

"I'm going to introduce you to the chicken coop while you're here."

He stared at her, not sure if she was serious. Seeing that she was, his eyes held hers: you're really going to make me do this?

"You're the one who wanted to live in Mayberry, right?"

Mulder waited, hoping she was going to let him off the hook, but instead she settled herself at the other end of the table and started on her breakfast. "All right. Fine. It's just chickens, Scully," he patronized.

She glanced up briefly from her breakfast, just long enough to give him a knowing look before he left.

Out in the back yard, Lily was running around in one of the pastures. She wasn't chasing anything in particular, just playing some secret game in her mind, or expending energy like all kids her age. Mulder called to her, crouching down as she approached. He kept his voice low. "You want to do me a favor?"

"Mulder..." Scully's voice warned from the kitchen. A few seconds later she appeared in the back screen doorway.

"You went and developed that weird Mom hearing on me, Scully," he said, pointing at her as he backed towards the small building. "It's like... bat hearing or something." His arm dropped back to the side. "And people call ME Spooky..."

Scully did her best not to smile as Mulder continue on to the shack, but her expression sobered as she watched him disappear inside. Despite his happiness at being with them again and his relief that he was ultimately successful in assuring she and Lily wouldn't be taken again, something was eating at him. Last night she'd heard him mumbling in fitful sleep, and had gone to him. She couldn't make out most of what he said, but she had a feeling it had something to do with his expedition back home. Scully had tried a couple of times to talk to him about what happened while he was away, but he always deflected her questions with humor or by changing the subject. It had been bad, his meeting with the Cancer Man. She could see that. Whatever he told Mulder had caused him a lot of pain, had rattled him, but he refused to give her the details. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her, just that he didn't want to have to remember. Maybe, he just needed some time.

She was in the laundry room just off the kitchen, pulling out hers and Lily's dresses to wear to the fair when Mulder returned from the chicken coop.

"Jesus Scully that's disgusting!"

She walked back into the kitchen. "You're telling me."

"But you're a forensic pathologist," he objected.

"Yes, and I'm telling you Mulder, I'd rather spend my life examining rotting corpses than reach into one of those repulsive little nooks ever again." She flashed him a disarming smile. "And now that you're here, I don't have to."

"You should do the chickens, Scully. I'll do something else... I don't know, isn't there something a little more manly I could do? Maybe something that involves a tractor?"

A hint of a smile surfaced on her lips. She stood from the table to clear her dishes. "Don't try to pull that macho crap with me..."

"You think I'm macho?" he asked, pretending to be flattered.

"Give it up, Mulder; you're not getting out of this."

He sank back into his seat in resignation. "You know Scully, I abandoned my videos for you," he lamented jokingly.

Scully smiled at him. It was good to have him back.

"You be nurse, Daddy." They were sitting on the bed in Scully's room with the children's doctor bag, its contents strew over the covers. Lily had enlisted them to play, too excited about tomorrow's picnic to sleep.

"I don't wanna be the nurse. I'm always the nurse." Mulder knew Lily liked Scully to be the doctor because she was the real thing, and he liked to fancy himself a Renaissance man, but he had to admit, it was a blow to the ego.

"Poor baby." Scully regarded him playfully. "Maybe you should've gotten a real doctorate."

"A real doctorate?" Mulder looked at Lily, pointing at her mother. "You see how she disrespects me?"

Lily watched him, amused, and nodded though she had no idea what he was talking about.

"You med school snobs are all alike, Scully."

"Stop complaining and hand me the otoscope."

He was persistent. "You be the nurse, Scully."

"Suck it up, Nurse Boy."

"Scully--"

"Okay," Lily refereed, and held out her fists; at her age, there wasn't a dispute in existence that couldn't be solved with a game of One Potato Two Potato.

Mulder considered, then stuck his fists out to meet Lily and Scully's. Scully started, reaching out to tap Lily's fist with her own.

"You're doing it wrong, Scully."

She stopped and looked at him. "What are you talking about? I'm doing it fine."

"No, you're supposed to start with the person to your left..."

"Says who?"

"Everybody knows that."

Now he was really getting on her nerves. Her tone made the island sound like the boonies. "Well maybe that's the way you did things on the Vineyard but the rest of us--"

"You start to the left, it's common knowledge-- it's common sense," he protested.

"I'll do it my way thank you very much."

"Clockwise, you know, " he motioned with his hand, "like a clock--"

"Okay okay," she said, waving a hand at him. "Fine. Whatever. If you're the expert you do it."

Mulder was enjoying every minute of pushing her buttons; there was nothing quite like getting a rise out of Scully. "Watch," he said, directing his comment to Lily, "this is the right way to do it."

He held up his fist like he was about to start, but then instead of tapping Scully's with it, he opened his hand and put his palm against her cheek. He playfully pushed her down onto the bed.

Indignant, Scully yelled at him. "Mulder!"

Shifting his full weight on top of her, he pinned her beneath him and held her wrists above her head with one hand.

Lily started laughing, but came to her mother's defense. She scrambled on top of Mulder's back. "You mean guy! Stop that! That's my mommy!"

"Get off me, Mulder!"

With his free hand, he took hold of her side, just below the rib cage, remembering from his days as a big brother that that spot was an Achilles heel.

And from her days as a little sister, Scully knew what he was about to do. "Mulder..." she warned.

"What's the right way to do it, Scully?"

She hesitated, knowing the punishment if she gave the wrong answer, but not wanting to give him the satisfaction. "Right."

The tickling started, and Scully tried with all her might not to laugh, and instead she emitted a string of giggles that struck Mulder as even more hilarious.

"Mulder stop!" she managed.

"What's the right way, Scully?"

"Right! Right you moron!"

He escalated the attack, grinning widely as the sound of her laughter continued.

"Don't!"

Lily huffed and puffed as she worked at pulling him off, her arms barely making it around his neck. She had about as much effect as a gentle breeze on a skyscraper. Exasperated, she slid off the bed and ran down the hall for reinforcements.

Mulder paused to let Scully catch her breath, but kept his hand at her side. "That's not the right answer, Scully. Tell me what's the right way."

Scully hesitated, watching him with child-like anticipation, considering her answer.

"Tell me," Mulder prodded, gripping her side.

"Okay! Okay. The left. It's the left."

Mulder smiled and moved his hand, but he didn't let her get up right away. "I'm glad you finally see it my way."

"Bully."

"Me? Never." They smiled at each other, still breathing heavily from the physical exertion of their struggle, and simultaneously became aware of the position they were in. It was nothing new for them; in fact, they'd been like that together many, many times...

Scully's expression turned serious as his face neared; she stopped him. "Mulder... don't."

He pulled back slightly, watching her for a long moment.

It was hard to hate him when he kept refusing to be her enemy, especially when he was looking at her the way he was, with that besotted affection in his eyes that made her feel like the only person in the world he gave a damn about. And the truth was, she'd stopped hating him a long time ago. But that didn't mean she was ready to jump back into bed with him either. "Mulder get off me."

He had caught her by surprise, had shaken her; but he could also see the depth of her resistance. He held her eyes with her own, the corner or his mouth turning up the slightest bit. "I'll be waiting, Scully."

As the sound of Lily's footsteps came down the hall, Scully stared at him, speechless. He had spoken the words with finality, with a certainty that it was only a matter of time before he would have her again.

Lily ran into the room with Bear, and proceeded to bat Mulder's head with him.

"All right, I give up!" Mulder smiled at the little girl as he climbed off her mother. "You teach her those Gestapo tactics, Scully? It's a shame we never got to play Good Cop Bad Cop."

She wasn't really paying attention, distracted by the recent memories of how he felt on top of her... comfortable and right. Nice. "I have to get Lily ready..." she said lowly, her voice trailing off.

Mulder slid off the bed. "I'll do it-- if you don't mind."

"Sure..."

He left, and Scully watched after him for a long time.

Continued...

The Offspring 11: Fractures by Kelli Rocherolle

7.98

Offspring 11: Fractures

When Lily was nestled in to bed, Mulder went to join Scully downstairs. The living area, the kitchen, the small laundry room off the kitchen-- she wasn't there. He found her out on the front porch swing, alone with her thoughts.

Scully was surprised to see Mulder come outside; she figured he'd gone to bed. She tensed as he took a seat beside her.

The movement set the bench in motion, rocking them slowly in the cool night air. After a moment he sat forward, resting his hands on his knees. "So," he said, smiling slightly as he turned to face her. "What do you do for fun around here?"

Scully regarded him with an annoyed expression. She'd been bored out of her mind for months; Mulder had been there a couple of days and was already losing it.

"That bad, huh?"

She considered, then shrugged. "I don't know... It hasn't been too bad I guess. It's peaceful here. Simple."

"Then you wouldn't mind staying another month?" Smiling at her response, Mulder changed the subject. "Lily's changed so much. I can't believe it."

Scully nodded. "I know." She was thoughtful for a minute. "Sometimes I look at her, and it just seems like she's changing so fast. I missed so much of her life; I'm grateful to have her back, to be able to see her growing up and share it with her. I hope she knows."

"Of course she does."

"I don't know. I hope so. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing-- it's awkward and I wonder if Lily picks up on it sometimes." She studied her lap. "I suppose I just have to trust my instincts."

"You seem to be doing just fine, Scully. Lily's happy, she loves you. Anyone could see that."

Scully turned to him and smiled slightly, appreciating his encouragement. Then they both looked back out over the moonlit landscape, quiet with their thoughts.

"She knew you were coming home," Scully said suddenly, still staring out into the starry night.

"What do you mean?"

"She knew. Right before you arrived."

Mulder looked at her doubtfully. "Scully, you're not suggesting--"

"No." Her eyes slid away. "No, I'm not. I'm just saying that she... senses things."

They were silent, watching the moon rise in the sky.

Scully was hesitant to ask, because part of her didn't want to know, but she spoke up anyway. "Do you think she was... made that way?"

After a beat he responded. "I don't know Scully."

A flash of memory hit him then, a memory of his time away when he'd confronted one of the people he'd believed was responsible for the abductions. The cigarette smoking man told Mulder he didn't plan on giving him any information, because Mulder had no bargaining power. He went on to explain that he was fully aware of where Scully and her little girl were, and as Mulder ran around playing action hero it would soon be business as usual at the research facility. Of course, he was talking about the chip...

Mulder reacted. "You're bluffing." He lifted his weapon, taking aim squarely at the other man's chest.

"How can you be so sure?" the cigarette smoking man asked pointedly.

"Because you would have found her by now."

"You're right. We would have. Except... we seem to have lost contact." He took a drag on the cigarette. "Maybe it's malfunctioning. Or maybe she removed it."

Mulder reacted again, remembering his argument with Scully in the motel... but she wouldn't have taken it out. He was fairly certain he'd talked her out of it... but not entirely convinced. It was a thought that would haunt him for the rest of time away. He swallowed. "Tell me how to stop the tests."

"It's highly unlikely the chip is malfunctioning. Either way, it wouldn't be good for her." He narrowed his eyes as he looked at Mulder. "No, not very good at all."

"You son of a bitch you tell me how to stop it!"

Snuffing out his cancer stick in a nearby ashtray, the cigarette smoking man took his time responding, and remained infuriatingly calm. "I can tell you anything you want to know," he said smugly. "Maybe you'd like to know about the fathers..."

Mulder blinked, loosening his grip on the gun.

"Yes I can see you're wondering about that." He took out another smoke and lit up. "You're wondering if it was hybridization, or perhaps cloning, some other such insidious undertaking." Pausing, he shrugged. "Or maybe he was simply a rapist, some orderly or another abductee who took advantage."

"You shut up!" Mulder had had enough, he didn't want to hear any more. The images of that scenario ripped through his mind's eye, blinding him with white rage.

"Maybe it's me."

He cocked the hammer back. "I said shut up!"

"Or maybe it's you."

Mulder stopped, silenced by the other man's words and their implication. He stared at him, unsure if the cigarette smoking man was being purposefully misleading or if it was some kind of sick joke. "What?" he whispered sharply.

"That is what you want, isn't it? To be a father to that little girl? To be a father to the daughter of the woman you love?" he asked with dramatic emphasis. "You surprise me, Mulder. I didn't think you allowed yourself the luxury of personal attachments. Emotional connections are a weakness in our line of work; I thought I'd made that clear to you. But then she always was a problem, wasn't she? A lapse in judgement on my part to assign her to you. I thought she was more ambitious, more interested in career pursuits. More like Diana. But apparently she was interested in the truth. And in you." He took another drag on his cigarette. "Anyway, pointless to lament the situation now."

It was the height of cruelty. Mulder had never suspected he might be Lily's biological father, and he was perfectly happy being what he was to her. For the Cancer Man to put that question in his mind, that hope, it was hateful and he wasn't going to listen to any more of it. "I'm telling you for the last time-- you shut up!"

"Why? I thought you wanted information."

"I want answers, not theories."

Scully's voice pulled him to the present. "Mulder?"

He turned to look at her.

"You okay?" Realizing he was going to touch her, Scully's eyes widened as his hand moved for her. He rested his fingers along her cheek, then gently turned her face away from his.

Not understanding what he was doing, Scully tried to turn back toward him. "Mulder?"

He held a hand up against her face to stop her. Carefully, he pushed the hair back off the nape of her neck...

"Mulder what are you doing?"

The scar was there, still white and healed. She hadn't taken it out. "Just checking."

"Checking?"

"You didn't take it out..?" he wanted to be absolutely positive, to hear the words from her mouth.

It took her a moment to realize he was talking about the chip. "Oh-- no, of course not. I told you I wouldn't. Why?"

Mulder shrugged. "I just wanted to make sure."

After a moment, she reached over to take his hand. "You really okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," he said, squeezing her hand but not making eye contact.

Scully didn't think he was, but she didn't push it.

The fair was taking place in a part of town unfamiliar to Scully; most of her trips in were to the grocery store or to find other supplies, and she'd never ventured further. She was surprised to see the quaint little neighborhood about half a mile east of their town, nestled around the local high school's football field and play grounds. Kids of various ages were playing and making more noise then Scully could've imagined; it was Lily on a bad day, times ten. In one of the nearby fields some rides and booths and a makeshift dance floor had been set up. All along the streets, people had pulled out their barbecues and were flame-broiling their dinners; the air was thick with the pleasantly mingled scents of grilled burgers and fresh cut grass.

Scully let Lily run off and play with the other children, but did not let her out of her sight. She couldn't stop worrying about her little girl. Sensing her concern, Mulder rested a hand on her shoulder. "She's fine, relax. We're safe here."

Her expression indicated relaxing was easier said than done.

"Look Scully, if anyone knew you were here, they'd have shown their faces a long time ago."

He was right, and Scully felt foolish for being overly paranoid. She smiled slightly, feeling her mood lighten, and started to walk towards the booths. But she kept her eye on Lily.

As they neared the area where rides were set up, Mulder turned to her. "You thirsty?"

Scully nodded, watching as he started off for one of the concession stands, then drifted over to the shade of a nearby tree. While she waited for him to return, images of her dream began to surface-- the fair, Mulder bringing them sodas-- it was all too weird. She turned to look at the rides and half expected them to be empty, but of course, they weren't. Her eyes moved to the carousel.

"Hello."

Scully turned around as a hand touched her arm. "Ben. Hi... What are you doing here?" It was a stupid question-- the entire town was in attendance, but he'd caught her off guard.

"Just enjoying the day."

He studied her for a moment, and Scully reflected that he had the unnerving habit of seeming to see right through her. But, like most men she came in contact with, he was fatally flawed-- he wasn't Mulder.

"I have to say, I'm surprised to see you here," he said, then smiled. "You know not a single person in this town has any idea what your name is?"

A frantic search through the Rolodex of her mind was registering two aliases no one in their right mind would believe, but just then two girls riding by on a bike rescued her from having to answer Lucy and Ethel.

One of the girls was unsteadily navigating the bike while the other rode on the handle bars. They shouted greetings to Ben. "Hi Mr. Hanscomb!" they yelled in unison. It was obvious to Scully that the two teenage girls were smitten. It wasn't hard to see why; Ben's dark coloring and rugged features made him look dangerous... just the kind of guy a teenage girl would fantasize about. She smiled at Ben, who was obviously embarrassed by the attention.

"I teach at the high school," he explained. "History."

Before today, it hadn't even occurred to Scully that there might be a school there in Derry. Of course there would be, but she had trouble trying to picture the student body which she imagined must have consisted of about ten students. Then again, she'd seen more kids-- and adults for that matter-- that day than she had in her entire stay. There was more to Derry than she'd realized.

Mulder walked back to the spot he'd left Scully but she wasn't there. As he looked in the direction of the rides, he caught sight of her, standing in the shade of a large tree. She was talking to some guy. The image hit him so hard he actually stopped in his tracks; the body language was unmistakable-- there was a definite attraction between them. He shook it off and continued towards them. No big deal. She was a pretty, intelligent woman and it shouldn't surprise him that some guy would want to talk to her.

But he was standing close, about five miles nearer than Mulder would've liked him to be; and something about the way they were talking gave Mulder the impression it wasn't their first meeting. The look on Scully's face as she caught sight of him confirmed it. He forced a tight smile in the direction of the other man and handed Scully her soda.

"Mulder... this is Ben. Ben Hanscomb. He teaches history at the local high school." She watched as the two men shook hands.

"Hello." Ben was surprised to see the other man, but that emotion paled in light of his overwhelming disappointment. He tried to be polite in spite of the fact. "You just get in to town?"

"No," Mulder said shortly.

Ben waited for him to elaborate, but could see that he was the last person this guy wanted to strike up a conversation with. His eyes went to the sky, indicating the beautiful but oppressively hot afternoon. "Well, I better get to the lemonade before it evaporates." He nodded alternately at Mulder and Scully, his gaze holding hers a second longer. "Take care now."

They watched as he headed off.

"You got a thing for cowboys, Scully?"

She ignored the comment and flashed him an irritated look. "That was rude."

"No rude would've been telling him to stick it where the sun don't shine."

Disregarding him, Scully's eyes followed Lily as she ran around in the distance with a group of children. The only girl among the pack, her dress was smeared with dirt and grass stains. Scully felt a smile surfacing. That's my girl...

It was a prospect he didn't want to face; if Scully had gotten involved with Hanscomb, could he blame her? As far as she knew, he'd betrayed her. It wasn't really like her to get casually involved with someone, but he also knew she was capable... Ed Jerse had been proof of that. "So?"

"So?" Scully repeated, keeping her eyes on Lily.

"You met him before."

"Just a couple of times."

"Something you want to tell me, Scully?"

Her eyes were trained on the little girl. "No."

Images of Hanscomb and Scully struck him, of Hanscomb touching her, kissing her, making love to her. It was crushing, and for the first time he really knew what he'd put Scully through letting her think he'd slept with someone else. He swallowed. "I thought you said you were laying low."

"We were."

"So how'd you meet this Hanscomb?" There was a note of desperation in his tone that he wished hadn't been.

She turned to look at him at last, knowing that he was jealous. "He came to the house a couple of times."

"He was at the house?"

"What are you asking me, Mulder?"

"You know what I'm asking you."

"Do I?"

"Damn it Scully! Don't play games with me."

"Mulder--"

"Did you sleep with him?"

Her posture turned rigid, and she had that self-righteous look on her face that Mulder thought could put a nun to shame. "You don't have any right to question me--" She stopped, struck by the hurt in his eyes even though part of her enjoyed it just a little bit. "That's none of your business, Mulder," she said gently, putting a hand on his arm as if it would soften the blow, "not anymore."

"Scully-- ," he swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth. So far, the afternoon had been great; he didn't want to ruin it. "All right, you're right. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

She studied him for a minute, knowing that it was a difficult thing for him to do. "I think that's a good idea."

"Good." He smiled, then held up a hand to her. She accepted it, and they walked past the booths to meet Lily. As they went along, people eyeballed them, many of them waving politely or offering a friendly greeting to the woman they'd seen now and then in town.

"You're a minor celebrity, Scully."

"No, just a topic of unending gossip I imagine. Single mother, staying out on that farm all alone. These people aren't stupid, Mulder. They know the visitors who usually stay out there don't like to be bothered, and that they never stay very long." And thankfully, she thought, neither are we.

Later, as twilight fell on the town, the three outsiders made their way through the maze of rides. Lily was enchanted by the noise and colorful lights, and Mulder and Scully were equally charmed by watching her.

"I can play those games please?"

"Absolutely..." Scully's eyes passed over the nearby booths to scope out one that was suitable. "How about this one-- the ring toss?"

Lily ran to the small structure. She reached up and grasped the counter, trying to lift her weight. "Can't do it, Mommy."

Mulder lifted the little girl and set her on the counter as Scully took out a dollar bill. A skinny, buck toothed kid accepted the money and instructed them on the rules and how to play.

"Here guys." Lily took the three rings that her dollar had granted her, distributing one to Scully, one to Mulder and keeping one for herself.

Mulder and Scully exchanged an amused look. Most kids her age wouldn't have wanted to share, but Lily was fair and unusually thoughtful; her generosity continually surprised them.

She displayed her hands questioningly. "Who is first?"

Mulder flashed his ring at her and smiled. "Ladies first."

"You can show for me how to do this game, okay Mommy?"

"I certainly can. You just need to get your ring on one of the bottle necks..."

Straining over the counter, Scully stared at her intended target in concentration. But it was always more difficult than it looked, and her ring bounced off the bottle and landed on the floor. She stared at it. "Well. I guess you know now what NOT to do," she joked, then turned to Mulder, indicating for him to give it a try. "Let's do a shooting game next."

"Those things are always rigged, Scully." Mulder took aim as he spoke. "You've got a better chance with a game like this." Lobbing it like a basketball, the ring bounced from the top of one bottle to the other, then another, and they watched in anticipation to see where it would finally settle.

Unfortunately, it was the floor.

Scully smirked at him. "You were saying?"

"I said you had a better chance, not that it was easy." He turned his attention to Lily. "Okay, Spud, wanna give it a shot?"

Lily nodded and Mulder held her steady as she took aim. In an outright display of beginner's luck, the ring skimmed over the first few rows and came to rest around the neck of one of the bottles.

At first, there was a moment of stunned silence, then they broke out in simultaneous smiles.

"I can get that bottle, guys!"

"Lily! You did it! Good job, sweetie," Scully said, reaching out to pat her back.

"Way to go, Spud." Mulder took her hand, shaking it quickly in exaggerated congratulations. Lily laughed and he continued to pump her arm as he spoke to her mother. "She smoked our asses, Scully."

"Mulder..." It was difficult remembering to watch his language, but Lily picked up everything and the last thing Scully needed was the little girl going around talking about how she smoked peoples asses.

He smiled apologetically. "Oh, right... what I meant to say was, she put us to shame."

"She sure did," Scully concurred, leaning over to give her hug. "So what do you say you? Want to get some popcorn or something?"

"Gotta pee."

"Okay, pee first, popcorn later."

Lily smiled as Scully helped her down and they headed off for the bathrooms.

The kid behind the counter stopped Mulder as he started to follow them. "Don't you want your prize?"

"Oh, yeah." He looked over the small colored bears hooked along the back wall. Lily liked green...

"I'll get it."

Before Mulder had a chance to ask the kid what he meant, he opened the side door of the booth and disappeared. A few minutes later, he emerged from around the back with the biggest stuffed animal Mulder had ever seen. It was almost the same size as the kid, and it came up to Mulder's chest. "What the hell is this?"

"Red ring wins the extra large bear," the kid said in a monotone that suggested there was nothing in life that impressed him too much. "Congratulations." He got back in the booth.

On their way back from the bathroom, Lily and Scully stopped when they saw Mulder and his companion.

"Hey..." Lily ran to the bear, eyes wide with wonder as her hands sought out the fuzzy turquoise fur. "This guy is a big bear! Daddy where did you get him this big bear?"

"It's yours, Spud-- you won it."

Scully walked over to them, arms folded in front of her. Her eyes smiled at Mulder. "Who's your date?"

"Very funny Scully. Don't let that blank stare fool you; she's a sparkling conversationalist," he joked.

"I'm sure she is... compared to the ones your used to."

"Ah but you forget, you're part of that list now." It was a gamble, a risky thing to say. The hurt wasn't that far behind them and being reminded of that part of their past--even in the context of a joke-- might have brought it back to the surface. But he was pleased to see Scully take it in stride and give it right back to him... just like old times.

"Keep sweet talking me like that Mulder; you'll definitely get lucky." She smiled coyly and led Lily towards the popcorn machine.

Mulder smiled at her back, then started off himself to put Lily's prize in the back of the truck.

Night at last claimed the day, and people began to migrate from the rides and games to the grassy fields to stake out their spots for the fireworks. Scully walked alongside Mulder, working on her dinner-- a grilled hotdog. Lily had dozed off on Mulder's shoulder. Scully realized that watching them together didn't hurt her anymore. His relationship with Lily no longer threatened her, and she was glad for that. She'd allowed Mulder to become Daddy, and that was something that couldn't be undone.

"What are you thinking about?"

His question pulled her from her thoughts. "Nothing, really."

She pushed a piece into her mouth, licking the tip of her finger as she did. Mulder looked away, but couldn't help sneaking another peek... she was driving him crazy.

They moved off to the edge of the field where the fireworks were about to begin, settling on a patch of soft grass. It was practically impossible to get comfortable in that miserable dress; Scully shifted around until she was sitting cross-legged with her dress tucked between her legs. She didn't notice that at the side most of her knee and part of her leg was exposed. Mulder did. He reached over to brush the fabric back a little further...

His touch was feather-light and felt like an electric shock on her skin. Scully brushed his hand away and covered up her knee. She knew what he was doing-- it was his way of flaunting their history at her. He never would've done that before they slept together.

"You look nice."

"I look like Minnie Pearl," she said, recovering.

"Not even close, Scully." He smiled at her, with that boyish grin that made her feel like she was wading through warm water. He had been coming at her full force, and was wearing her down. Once a fool always a fool, she thought.

She held her hands out for Lily, and Mulder shifted the little girl over to her. "Let me see my baby," she said, resting the little girl in her lap and kissing the top of her head. Lily stirred in her sleep.

It was nice to see her happy, to see her relationship with Lily back the way it should be. Mulder smiled at her. "She's not such a baby anymore, Scully."

"She'll always be my baby." Scully smiled slightly and looked at him. "Pretty corny thing to say, isn't it? My mom used to say things like that and I would think she was some kind of sentimental fool."

Mulder knew she somehow saw that as being less strong. It was ridiculous. "Showing emotion isn't weakness, Scully. It's human."

She stared at him as the sounds of Patsy Cline drifted through the night from somewhere behind them.

I fall to pieces how can I just be your friend? You want me to act like we've never kissed You want me to forget, pretend we've never met And I've tried and I've tried but haven't yet; You walk by and I fall to pieces.

Lily shifted in her sleep then, distracting them both, and they lowered their eyes to her. "I guess we better wake her up or she's going to miss the show," Mulder said.

"I think the show will wake her if we don't," Scully assured him. "Better it be us."

Mulder scooted over, as if he were going to rouse Lily, but instead he maneuvered until he was sitting behind Scully.

She tensed. "What are you doing?"

"You look cold."

"Nice try, Mulder," Scully said, seeing through his lame attempt at getting close to her. "I'm fine." But the truth was, she was a little chilly and welcomed his warmth.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Scully?"

There was a dangerous tone in his voice that made her pulse vault. Searching for a diversion, Scully woke up her little girl. "Lily... wake up sweetie. You're going to miss the fireworks."

She woke slowly at first, then more quickly at the mention of the fireworks. Sitting up in Scully's lap, Lily looked around the field before them. "Where, Mommy?"

"Pretty soon. You'll know when you see them."

Looking for something to do, Lily took Mulder's hands as they rested on his knees and brought them together in front of her. The position pulled him closer against Scully's back, and she held her breath as he came up against her.

"Look! Clappin'," she said, bringing his hands together again and again.

Mulder smiled and rested his chin on Scully's shoulder. She relaxed. It was an affectionate gesture, and it made her feel good.

Lily took one of his hands and held it palm up, then measured her own against it. "Big hands, Daddy."

Nice hands, Scully thought. Mulder had great hands.

"You do it, Mommy," Lily directed, wanting to see how Scully's measured up.

"I don't think so, Lily, my hands--" But before she could finish protesting, Mulder had taken her hand and pressed it against his.

Lily poked their hands in succession. "Little, big, biggest!"

Mulder interlocked his fingers into hers, tracing the back of her hand with his thumb with a tenderness that spoke volumes about what was in his heart. It occurred to her then, watching his hand on hers, that no one would ever touch her like Mulder did.

At that moment the noise started up, the night sky turned bright with colorful lights and thunderous booms. Only the sound was muffled, distant, and they realized that the fireworks were being set off in the other field.

Scully suppressed a laugh. "I guess we should've wondered why we were the only ones over here..."

Mulder smiled at her ear; he didn't mind.

"This one's my FAVORITE." Lily pulled the covers up around them and settled back against her mother's arm.

"I know--mine too," Scully said, holding her side of the book as Lily turned the pages. The full-size bed was really too big for the little girl, but just right for two to snuggle. It was late but Scully had heard Lily talking to Bear, too excited from her busy day to sleep, and decided to keep her company. The truth was, she was having trouble sleeping too...

Mulder shuffled his way to the bathroom and back, so groggy that he almost missed the light on in Lily's room. He stopped in the doorway, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light. Scully and Lily were nestled into the little girl's bed reading a book, whispering in hushed tones. He smiled. "You guys having a slumber party without me?"

They looked up from their book; Lily met his smile with one of her own. "You can come here," Lily directed, lifting the sheet in invitation.

Scully's arm came down to close it. "There's not enough room, sweetie..."

"Sure there is." Mulder approached the bed and Scully watched him wide eyed, then relaxed as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. "What are you guys reading?"

Lily showed him her book.

"I think it's time for bed anyway. This is the third one we've been through." Scully caressed her hair. "What do you say, Lily?"

"We can do one more book, Mommy."

"No I think that's enough for tonight. Bed time. Say good night."

Lily placed her book on the nightstand and looked at Mulder. "Night, Daddy."

"Night, Spud." He kissed her cheek and was about to get off the bed when Lily stopped him.

"Mommy too."

Scully tried to slide from the bed as he moved for her, but wasn't quick enough-- his hands came to rest on either side of her hips, pinning her in place with the covers. She lowered her eyes to her lap and let him kiss her cheek, trying to ignore the fact that he purposely lingered by her face and the effect it had on her. He stared at her until she met his eyes. "I think I need another one."

She held his gaze, determined not to let him get to her. "I think you've met your kiss quota for the day."

Mulder smiled and released her, his eyes following her as she got out of the bed.

"I can give for you another kiss," Lily offered.

His smile widened. "Now that would make my day." He leaned forward as she pressed her lips against his cheek.

"Why don't you put her to bed, I'm going to close up."

"Okay."

As Mulder tucked Lily into bed, Scully went around shutting windows; the distant rumble of thunder signaled the impending rain. The only window open upstairs was the one in the bathroom. Scully closed it and started for the stairs. On the way back through the hall she could hear Mulder and Lily talking, and she slowed her pace, stopping at the little girl's room. Lily was once again sitting up, exhausted but still full of energy. Mulder's back was to Scully as she listened from the door.

"You promised, Daddy-- no flying."

For a minute Mulder wasn't sure what she was talking about. Then he remembered-- that night she'd come into his room after another nightmare she had said those words to him. But could she have known then that he would have to go away? He was again reminded of Scully's "visions" and prophetic dreams. Scully suspected her daughter might have the same, and he couldn't say it hadn't crossed his mind as well. "I had to go back home without you Spud because you were safer here. I didn't want to go but I had to."

"I know," she said casually, bouncing Bear up and down on her lap. Then, she clutched him to her chest and looked back up at Mulder. "I was so happy you are here," she said, sincere and open-hearted, unhindered by the self-conscious defenses adults protect themselves with.

Mulder was overwhelmed. To have a child love you was a precious gift, a sacred sun that warmed your heart when it shined for you. And he had never experienced anything like it before. He reached out and hugged her. As he was holding her, memories of his childhood played in his mind, of his relationship with his own father. They had remained distant and reserved to the day he died. And Mulder couldn't ever remember his father telling him he loved him. He wanted better for Lily. He held her tighter. "I love you Lily," he said lowly. The words sounded strange and foreign on his tongue; he didn't think he'd ever spoken them before. It made him feel free.

Scully watched the tender moment they shared, and she remembered why she had loved him so much. She closed her eyes for a moment, holding the memory in her heart before she turned and walked away.

When Mulder came back downstairs, Scully was finishing the fire.

"I told you I'd do that," he said, looking down at her as she stoked the flames. Her hair was rose gold in the firelight and his hand went out to touch it, drawn to its beauty like the person it belonged to, but he stopped, catching himself just in time.

"I don't mind. You're looking at an old pro." She stood and moved to sit on the couch. Mulder joined her, and they were quiet as they watched the radiant flames.

Scully's voice finally broke the silence. "Why'd you do it, Mulder?"

He turned to look at her, caught off guard. Finally, after all this time, she was ready to talk to him.

And he didn't know what to say. A million thoughts were rushing through his head and he was afraid if he started talking his mouth wouldn't be able to keep up. But there she was staring at him, waiting for him to speak, and she deserved an explanation. "I didn't..." he started, pausing to monitor her reaction, "... do anything."

She regarded him for a moment, then raised her eyebrows. "I don't understand."

"Nothing happened-- I mean, not what you think." He took a deep breath as she watched him, waiting for an explanation. "Okay, I was having a drink and I was approached by this woman. So we were talking, and um... "

"What did she look like?"

"Scully..." His eyes pleaded with her not to make him do it, but she refused to look at him.

"What did she look like?"

He let out a slow breath. "I don't know, Scully... brown hair, tall... what does it matter?"

"It matters to me," she said, still staring at her lap.

"She wasn't anything like you, Scully, okay? It wasn't about you."

She was silent, waiting for him to continue.

Mulder didn't want to get specific about the details of his encounter, he wanted to spare her that at least. "So anyway, we were talking and... well, one thing led to another..."

"No."

"No?"

At last she met his eyes. "No. Not 'one thing led to another'. I want to hear how it happened. Exactly."

Mulder stared at her, reluctant to give her the details she wanted. He didn't wanted to damage what they'd been slowly starting to repair. "Scully I don't see the point--"

"I need to hear it, Mulder."

He shifted under her intense stare. Why she needed to hear it he couldn't understand, but she certainly deserved to. Bracing himself, he took a deep breath and continued. "Okay." Leaning forward on the couch, he stared at his hands, slowly rubbing them together as he spoke. "We were talking, and she was obviously interested; she was coming on pretty strong. We just, we had a few drinks and she invited me to come up to her room--"

"Her room...?"

Mulder looked at her briefly as he explained. "It was the Harrington- her apartment was being fumigated..."

"Oh." Scully looked away and his eyes returned to his hands.

"So anyway, we went up, and I was just standing there at the door, wondering what the hell I was doing..." Pausing, he dared to glance at her. Her eyes were fixed on floor, and it was killing him to see the pain he was causing her.

A knife was twisting its way through her stomach, but like some morbid curiosity she had to know; she wanted him to continue, so she was silent.

"So..." his ankle started to tap restlessly on the floor. "She um... she kissed me."

"There at the door?"

He gave a quick nod. "Yes." Glancing at her sideways, he summoned his courage. He wanted to be completely honest with her. "I kissed her back."

Scully closed her eyes and swallowed. She felt nauseous. "And...?"

He shrugged, relieved to have the worst of it over but still shaking from the anguish of having had to tell it. "And that's when I left... I just turned around and left. I couldn't even say anything to her. I felt sick--I didn't know..." His voice trailed off, and they were both silent for several minutes.

Her mouth dry, Scully could barely squeeze the words out. "Why Mulder?"

Mulder knew that her question was two-fold. She wanted to know why he'd done it, and why he lied about it later. "I didn't know why, Scully. I really didn't. I've never felt more lost... not even that first time you were taken... I couldn't understand... anyway, when I got home, I could see what you were thinking, but I couldn't stop you. I didn't know why. But I think I do now..."

Realizing suddenly that for him, this was the hardest part, Mulder let his gaze drift to the fire. It would be easier to say if he didn't have to look at her. "Scully, after Lily, when you were taken away again, I thought I was going to lose my mind. I would have, if it hadn't been for Lily. I had to keep it together to take care of her."

He was silent for a few moments, but Scully didn't interject, she let him gather his thoughts.

At last he continued. "The only way I was able to do that Scully was by pushing you away, by trying to... I couldn't think about you, it hurt too much to remember."

Scully studied him; so far he hadn't said anything that she couldn't understand.

He leaned further forward on the couch, discovering the words as he spoke them. "I remember this one time your mom brought over this box of your stuff to give to Lily, and it just sat there in the closet for days..." His voice became more tremulous as he continued. "I couldn't look at the things in that box, Scully. I couldn't see them. I couldn't see them because I knew I'd see you..." He buried his face in his hands then, the memories of that horrible time crashing in on top of him and finally breaking him down.

Sliding towards him, Scully put an arm across his slumped figure, her own voice tight with emotion. "Mulder..."

Finally he pulled his face from the refuge his hands had offered, the tears stinging his eyes. The distorted vision gave him the sensation of drowning. "I'm sorry Scully. I wanted to push you away because I couldn't deal with losing you again..." He turned to look at her. "I'm so sorry for hurting you like that. I'm sorry for making you hate me. Please don't hate me, Scully."

He looked so distraught and forlorn, overcome with miserable abjectness that Scully could feel the hairline fractures surfacing in her heart. She swallowed, her own voice fragile as she spoke. "I don't hate you, Mulder." She couldn't stand to see him like that; she reached out and touched his face. He pulled her towards him and held her, intending to comfort her but finding in the moment he was the one being consoled.

Mulder watched her face carefully when she pulled away. He didn't expect things to be instantly repaired. But he could see that the one thing he'd wanted more than anything else he finally had; at least he had his friend back-- completely back. He reached out and embraced her again. This time when she pulled away, her eyes were troubled.

It was time to forgive and move on, and Scully felt ready to do that. But it was hard to let go completely.

Mulder smiled reassuringly at her, trying to tell her it would be all right, but he could sense her hesitation. "I know."

She smiled thinly back.

Continued...

The Offspring part 12: Falling to Pieces

by Kelli Rocherolle

7/98

Offspring 12: Falling to Pieces

Scully sat watching the flames well after Mulder had gone back to bed. She liked to keep the fire going as long as possible during the night; it helped take the chill out of the house first thing in the morning. Since he returned, Mulder had taken on the responsibility for coming down to tend to it. But it was always a lost cause, and the flames ultimately died down as Scully stared at them. Her thoughts were consumed with Mulder's confession.

The changing emotions washed through her. Naturally, she was shocked to discover he hadn't slept with that woman, but relief was replaced with confusion at why he'd let her believe he had. Then, his explanation which she could understand nevertheless left her with a feeling of numbness, a sense that it was all in the past and just didn't matter anymore.

She looked at her watch. Just a little past twelve; her hopes of getting to bed early disappearing with the passing of the midnight hour. It had been after nine when they got back from the fair. Exhausted, they'd all gone to bed soon after. What happened between that time and now seemed to her strangely surreal, and it changed everything. Or did it? She didn't know how to feel. In a few days they'd all be going home, and what then? Since they'd been on the run, she and Mulder had found their friendship again, but was she willing to take it further for a second time? The fact was, he had hurt her badly. Would she be repeating the same mistake? Sighing in frustration, Scully abandoned the couch, fleeing from the unrelenting questions plaguing her thoughts.

The nightmares continued. Always, they involved Scully or Lily being taken away. This time it was Scully. Mulder was in his room sleeping when he heard a noise coming from outside-- the sound of wood splintering, boards creaking under extreme pressure. Peering out the window, he could tell the sound was coming from the old barn, but it was difficult to see through the driving rain. Somehow, he knew Scully was in there. He bolted from bed and ran downstairs as fast as he could, sprinting from the house and out to the barn. As he approached, he could see the barn was shaking, the entire structure rattling and loosening the already dilapidated boards. At the door, he yanked and pushed at the handle but it appeared to be locked from the inside. Then, a silent white light exploded from somewhere within, pouring through the cracks in a bizarre kaleidoscope of lights. He started throwing himself against the door, using his shoulder as a battering ram in a frantic attempt to get to Scully. But in the logic-suspended reality of his dream, the rickety boards were as unyielding as steel. From somewhere inside, Scully started calling to him, pleading with him to help her. A sliver of her face appeared between the slats-- an eye, the side of her nose and part of her mouth. Mulder stuck a finger through the gap. "Mulder help me," she begged, her finger curling around his. "Please don't let them take me. Get me out of here--" The light intensified, and as it did, she began to disappear; not only from sight but physically, Mulder watched helpless as she lost substance, fading into a ghost before his eyes. He was screaming out her name, a madman calling out in the rain, pounding on the absurdly sturdy structure. And then she was gone. A desperate sound escaped him, and with it tears of frustration burned in his eyes. The finger he'd held her with wrapped around nothingness, closed against his own palm. Empty.

Mulder sat up in bed, cold and drenched in sweat. For a minute, all he could do was sit there in the dark, listening to the gentle hiss of rain and the uneven sounds of his own breath. Then he moved to the window. It was pitch black outside, not even the moon daring to show its face on such a night, and the rain obscured his view as it had in his dream. There was a light on in the barn.

With a start he flew from the room, once again moving down the stairs and out of the house as fast as his legs would carry him.

Scully looked up, startled, as Mulder burst through the door. "Oh my God Mulder what the hell are you doing? You scared me to death!"

The soft lights strung along the perimeter of the inside cast a warm glow in the room, exaggerating the shadows within. Scully was curled up with her book and blanket on some haystacks. Mulder blinked at her. Chagrined, he wiped a hand over his face to clear it of rain. "I had a nightmare."

Her features softened. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-- I'm sorry about barging in--"

"Don't worry about it. " She sat up and closed her book, seeing that he was shaken. "You really okay?"

"I'm fine. What are you doing out here anyway? It's one a.m."

She indicated her book. "Still can't sleep. I come out here sometimes to read... it's nice."

Mulder never would've pegged Scully for someone who would curl up in a pile of hay to read, and it would've amused him if he weren't still wound from his nightmare. He let out a slow breath and nodded, at last feeling the tension from his dream draining. Teasing her about letting him join her under the blanket crossed his mind, but he knew he'd been pushing his luck with her-- if he kept it up she was either going to succumb or haul out and punch him. "All right... good night."

"Mulder--"

He turned back around.

"Why don't you take that." Scully pointed to the umbrella she'd used when she came out, propped up against the wall.

Waving his thanks, Mulder took it and disappeared into the downpour.

After Mulder left, Scully tried to get back to her reading but found she just couldn't concentrate. It was weird having Mulder back. Great, but weird. She kept forgetting he was in the house. She was used to having the place to herself-- either during the day when Lily was running around playing or in the evening after she'd gone to bed. Twice already she'd bumped in to him-- literally, in the hallway in the middle of the night as she fumbled her way for the bathroom, clad only in a flimsy nightshirt.

And then there was the fact that he was... well, Mulder. She'd missed him in many ways. She'd missed the intimacy, no doubt about that. Sex with Mulder was always amazing, sometimes sweet and tender and other times downright dirty... but always unforgettable; every kiss and touch burned into her memory like lightening bolt images. No one had ever made her feel like Mulder could. But she had also missed his companionship, having someone around to talk to and spend time with. Ironically, now he was back and she couldn't get used to it.

With a sigh Scully gathered her book and blanket and started for the door. She wasn't going to get any more reading done. She opened the barn door and stopped. It was still pouring-- and Mulder had her umbrella. "Great..." Pulling the blanket over her head, she braced herself and made a dash for the house.

The blanket proved a poor substitute, and by the time she burst through the kitchen door, she was soaked through. Shivering, she padded through to the laundry room, leaving a trail of wet footprints in her wake. She thought about Mulder, upstairs warm and dry in his bed, and the idea of joining him was tempting...

"Yeah right," she said out loud; you've already been down that road... The sweatshirt she thought she'd left on top of the washer wasn't, but the dryer was spinning quietly and promised to have something warm she could slip on inside. She opened the door and rummaged through the contents. It was Mulder's-- boxers, tees, socks, and a couple shirts. Perfect. She stripped off her shirt and pulled out one of Mulder's-- a long sleeve denim one. She slipped it on, and though her undergarments were dry her shoulders were still damp and she grimaced as the fabric came against her skin. She pulled out a pair of his socks and hurried out to the living room, hoping the fire hadn't died down completely.

She was pleased to see it hadn't. Standing as close as she could without scorching herself, Scully stripped off her pants and unbunched the socks. Mulder's shirt was several sizes too big but it was dry and warm and she was glad for both. As she was bending forward to slip on a sock, a voice startled her.

"I'd tell you to keep going but I guess that would mean you'd continue to get dressed..."

Scully looked up, startled to see Mulder sitting at the near end of the couch... and then she remembered what she was wearing. She clutched the shirt closed and straightened. "Mulder... what are you doing down here? I thought you went to bed."

"I wanted to make sure you got in okay," he said, which was true.

"Yeah that walk back from the barn can be treacherous," she responded dryly. Her eyes drifted down to the coffee table. There was a bottle of wine and two glasses on its surface. One of the glasses was already half-emptied.

"I found this bottle in the cabinet-- anyway, I've been sitting here, thinking... and I was wondering... I thought we could, I thought maybe you'd like to share some of this with me..."

Scully remembered the last time Mulder had brought her a bottle of wine, only it wasn't Mulder but VanBlundth-with-the-silent-h. "Eddie? Is it really you?" she teased.

The amused look they shared passed, and Mulder studied her thoughtfully for a moment. Yes, he'd been pushing it-- at the fair, he knew, and later when they were on the bed with Lily, and had almost again as she knelt in front of the fire when he wanted to touch her. But he couldn't stand it any more-- it was now or never.

As his eyes fell over the shirt she was wearing to her bare legs Scully felt that sensation coming over her again; warm water running through her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She took a deep breath. "I think I'll pass, thanks," she said, starting for the stairs. But before she could take a second step Mulder reached out and grabbed her wrist. He stared her down, his love patient and his desire consuming...

"That's my shirt," he said lowly.

"So?"

"So I want it back."

"You'll get it back..."

"I want it back now."

"Mulder..."

His eyes fixed her with all his longing.

She licked her lips. "Don't do this to me, Mulder..."

She had a reserved, understated sensuality that was more sexy than she could ever know. She didn't have any idea how it drove him wild. A single lame attempt to pull away was all the resistance she offered, but he was not about to let her get away that easily. He pulled her closer, until she was standing in front of him, and held her waist. Lightly, he kissed her bare stomach, then just beneath her navel, then the band of her underwear. Scully caught her breath as he moved lower. "Mulder don't--"

In a single, smooth movement he drew her on to the couch until she was sitting in between his legs, facing away from him. His lips were at her ear. "Don't move," he whispered.

The feel of his hands was warm as he rested them on her legs, then, gently, slipped them further down. He pushed her legs apart.

There was a time when he had taken for granted being able to touch her whenever he wanted. Never again. He slid his hands to her abdomen and pulled her back against him.

Scully squirmed slightly, another half-hearted attempt to protest, but her resistance was weakening. She forced the words out. "Mulder I--"

He held her in place. "Shh- relax, don't fight me."

The way he touched her felt too good, and she couldn't help it... as his hand slid down between her legs, like a small pebble tumbling into a landslide, the last of her resistance slipped away from her.

Mulder felt her relax against him and was more than a little aroused by it. "Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes."

"Tell me..."

"Yes. Yes keep going." He turned her face back towards him and kissed her. Scully kissed him back, softly at first, then deeper, loving the taste of wine in his mouth as his hands touched her in all the places that reminded her how lonely she'd been without him.

The velvet touch of her tongue sent ripples of pleasure down his midsection, but there was an uncertainty in her kiss, a first-time awkwardness that only excited him more.

As things started heating up, Scully felt a sense of panic creeping up on her. Her body seemed to be acting independently, responding to him with an intensity it always had in spite of what her mind did or did not want to do. She broke the kissing and stared at him. "I think I'm going to go up," she said after a moment.

The tone of her voice implied it was not an invitation. "Why?" Mulder leaned into her again. "I'm having fun."

"Wait...Mulder..." she said between kisses.

The way she kept letting him get just so close and then pushing him away made him feel like a kid having his toy taken away from him. He managed a small smile. "Why are you torturing me, Scully?" But he knew the answer before she even said it.

"Mulder I think we should stop. We already made this mistake once--"

"I don't think it was a mistake."

"At one time you did..."

Mulder stopped and stared at her.

She knew it would hit him hard, but part of her wanted it to-- a last ditch effort to push him away by that sensible part of her that refused to believe what they were doing was a good idea.

His mood changed in an instant. Exhaling sharply, he got up, dislodging Scully in the process. He stalked off toward the stairs.

"Mulder?" She looked after him as he disappeared on the landing.

In his room, Mulder fell heavily onto the bed without bothering to turn on a light. Folding his hands together behind his head he stared at the ceiling and seethed, not so much mad at Scully as himself because he had put that doubt in her mind. And he realized that he didn't want to have to talk her into it. She had to want it as much as he did. He sensed her appearance in the doorway, but kept his eyes fixed above him. "Go to bed, Scully."

"Mulder--"

"You were right," he said tightly. "It was a mistake and we shouldn't repeat it. We have to think about Lily." It was a lie. It was the right thing to say but it was a lie.

Scully stared at him for a long time, the tension in his voice belying the message of his words. As she stood at the doorway, she suddenly was certain-- knew what was going to happen... like a warm breeze on her skin, the electricity foretelling the sex they would inevitably have was charging the air in the room.

But there were still some things that needed to be said. She walked over to the bed and sat beside him, wanting to tell him I'm sorry, I want to stop hurting, to stop punishing you, to get past this and move on; but instead all she said was, "I've missed you."

His eyes fell to meet hers. It was clear to both of them what they felt, what they wanted to happen. After a moment he spoke. "Scully, it wasn't a mistake." He regarded her intensely in the dim light, to see if she could possibly believe that.

To his great astonishment and relief, she could. He could see it in her eyes. "I want to be better at this, Scully."

"Doesn't everybody." She let out a slow breath. "I don't know what you want from me, Mulder."

He would've given anything-- his sight, his sanity, his soul, just to get her back to where they were downstairs, to that moment when she was kissing him back and needing him as much as he needed her. Mulder outstretched his hand to her, palm up on the bed. "I want to be the first person you look for in a crowded room."

She turned to look at him, studying his face in the moonlight. And she realized then, no matter what she did or said, his love was always shining down on her, seeping into every pore, refusing to be deflected. She stared at him for a long moment.

Mulder felt the air catch in his throat as she got close, sliding along the sheet until she was leaning over him. She kissed him softly on the cheek, then again, dewdrop kisses along his jaw to his ear and into his neck. He felt unstable, euphoric; she was deconstructing him on every level. He closed his eyes and let the sensation wash over him.

Scully felt his hands come around her, underneath her shirt and over her bare skin. She stayed on top of him for a while, kissing him until desire dampened the clothes between them. As they worked their way to each other, Mulder tried to guide her to him, but she kept moving away, teasing him until he couldn't stand it anymore. He spun on her, bore her down on her back and took her at last.

A little dazed, delirious with arousal, she watched him, completely within his power both physically and emotionally. His body filled hers; she was loosing gravity, then dropping out of the sky...

It was raw and untamed and it left her breathless. She opened her eyes. Even in the dim light, she could see it, his own pupils dilating with increasing arousal. Then, a quick movement of his chest, a shallow breath, a tightening in his stomach and the following moment of unparalleled release. Mulder collapsed on top of her, whispering her name, and for the first time in a long time she felt like things were finally as they should be.

Her skin was damp and flushed as he pulled from her, a sight he thought he might never have the pleasure of seeing again. As he rolled onto his back, he pulled her with him until she was resting in the crook of his arm. The exhaustion overwhelmed him. Spent and feeling drugged, his eyelids became heavy. Mulder held her closer. "You won't be sorry, Scully," he murmured, speaking to her before surrendering to sleep. He promised her that.

Mulder woke at dawn to the sounds of cicadas making their music in the early morning hours, heedless to humans who were trying to catch up on sleep. He stretched against the sheets and turned to look at Scully. She was still out. Sometime during the night they'd made love again, in that hazy place between wake and dreams where memories exist only in fragments. The parts he did remember caused him to stir again, seeking out her small frame among the pale yellow sheets. He stopped at the sound of Lily's voice from her room, signaling she'd awakened and it was time to start her day.

"Morning time!" The declaration was followed by the sound of her footsteps running across the hall. She stopped short in the doorway. Lily was old enough to know that mommies and daddies were supposed to sleep together and that hers used to, but now they didn't. Until today.

Mulder rolled onto his elbow. "Come here, Spud."

She approached the bed with Bear, but her other companion was conspicuously absent.

"Where's your cat?"

"Sleepin'."

"I guess you're the only one in the house who's not." He had forgotten how early she liked to rise; since he'd been back Scully usually got up with her and he had the luxury of sleeping in. "Why don't you go play for a little bit in your room and then I'll make you some breakfast."

"Okay."

As she retreated to her bedroom, Mulder closed his eyes in hopes of catching a few more winks.

It wasn't to be. Lily's voice made its way to him from the bathroom down the hall. "Got to brush your teeth every day, Mittens. Mommy says so."

His eyes opened. With a groan, he got out of bed and went to get her.

Later, as lunchtime approached, they went around straightening up the house for their impending departure. Lily tackled her room, and Mulder and Scully worked on the kitchen. There wasn't a lot to do; Scully had kept things up during their stay and there wasn't much to pack. Mulder swept the floor while Scully worked at wiping down the cabinets. It was mostly a matter of giving the place a once over, to make sure they left it in good shape for the next occupants.

Mulder indicated Lily's picture of Marge Simpson on the fridge behind him. "Self-portrait, Scully?" he teased. "Interesting interpretation, is that cubist?"

She was wiping down the cabinets. "Oh yeah. When you're not around I wear a tube dress and pearls."

"Don't tease me like that." She smiled slightly but was quiet, and he knew what was on her mind. "You getting excited about home?"

It was a moment before she answered. "More like anxious."

"You'll be there before you know it."

Standing at the sink wringing out her sponge, Scully nodded. She was having mixed feelings about their departure, for reasons she'd already run through her head a million times.

Mulder leaned the broom against the fridge and went to her. He encircled her in his arms and spoke to her softly. "Everything's gonna be okay, Scully."

Feeling his arms around her, it was easy to believe that.

It had only been a few days since his arrival, but Mulder felt like he'd been in Derry for weeks. He had told Scully once that if he chose to settle, it would be in a place like this; his albeit brief respite on the farm was a little taste of that life. And he was loving every minute of it. Until the reality of their departure sunk in.

"Hey." Scully came into the room and met him at the closet. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for my gun." He rummaged around the top shelf, looking for the duffel bag he'd brought with him. His hand came around the canvas strap. "Here it is."

Scully watched as he set the bag down on the bed and fished out his weapon. She could see he was in one of his dark moods. "What do you need that for?"

He knew what she was thinking: home was supposed to be safe now. But you could never be too careful. "Just in case."

She knew. It was just hard facing the reality of that possibility.

He caught her worried look and tried to joke. "Haven't you heard, Scully? Trust no one." Pausing thoughtfully, his mood sobered again and he added, "not even your family."

She studied him pensively as he started disassembling his firearm, preparing to clean it. Everyone Mulder knew had betrayed him at one time or another, even his own parents.

"You're the only person I've ever loved that hasn't betrayed me."

As she continued to stare at him, her heart was rising up in her throat, knowing those words were his elusory way of telling her he loved her. It overwhelmed her, and she kept her gaze on him but he couldn't meet her eyes. After a moment, he looked up briefly and smiled. "And Lily of course."

Her eyes were locked on him, filled with emotion as he continued to work on the mundane task of taking apart his gun. He knew she'd received the message implicit in his words, and she knew if she acknowledged it overtly it would make him uncomfortable. So she didn't; instead, she squeezed his arm. "Let's hope we won't need that."

That night, Mulder waited with ridiculous anticipation for the day to be over, for Lily to go to bed so he could be alone with Scully. When at last bedtime came, he snagged Scully as she came out of Lily's room, taking her by the arm and pulling her into his room. He held her face and kissed her.

His arms slipped down and locked around her waist as she tried to pull away. She kept her voice to a whisper. "Mulder what are you doing!"

He smiled into the kiss. "It's been less than twenty-four hours, Scully-- don't tell me you don't remember..."

"Lily's not asleep yet."

"Then we'll have to be quiet." Smiling slightly, he hooked his arm tighter around her, pretending to be rough.

She smiled back and feigned resistance, but his temerity only excited her more. As he unbuttoned her shirt, she started shaking, and by the time he undid the button of her shorts she was having trouble standing.

He manhandled her to the bed and made love to her.

Tired and sweaty, they were quiet as they lay together, making spoons in the tangled sheets. He let out a slow breath. "You make me feel young," he whispered.

"Yeah... that cane of yours can be so cumbersome."

"You know what I mean."

Scully smiled, because she did. After a moment she shifted onto her other side to face him as he settled on his back. There was something she needed to clear up with him. "Nothing happened, you know-- with Ben."

He turned his head to look at her, waiting for her to give him more details.

"I just... Mulder I didn't think you were coming back. I had to think about Lily..."

It was a risky thing for her to do, and he knew she had not made that decision lightly. He folded his arms behind his head. "How much does he know?"

"Nothing. It's not like you're thinking, Mulder. He came to the house twice only briefly and I turned him away. He doesn't even know our names."

He pulled his eyes from hers and nodded. The scenarios his imagination had constructed evaporated, leaving him with an overwhelming sense of relief.

"Actually he asked about Lily and me-- what our names were, at the fair."

"What'd you tell him?" Mulder watched a firefly bounce along the ceiling, sending out its rhythmic glow in hopes of attracting a mate. Lookin' for love in all the wrong places, pal...

"I drew a blank. I almost told him our names were Lucy and Ethel."

He smiled and turned to look at her.

"No, I didn't. I didn't have to, but..." she took a deep breath, letting the sentence hang on her exhale. "Let's just say I'm glad we don't have to find aliases."

"Lucy and Ethel, huh? I guess that makes me Ricki."

Scully smiled. "Or Fred."

"Fred?" He sounded wounded. "You don't see me as the smarmy lounge singer type, Scully?"

She smirked at him but found her thoughts were turning once again to DC-- to their future. It was going to be weird going home. She couldn't wait to see her mom, to get back to her apartment, her job, her *life*. And it was time to think about getting Lily to school...

Tired of listening to herself think, Scully cut off her thoughts before the worry could blossom. "Well Lily has her alias just in case," she joked. After a moment she said, "You know I've never asked you why you call her Spud."

He was silent, conjuring up the memory. "I can't remember exactly. It was while you were away, I was making her something to eat and she saw the potato and looked at me like I was crazy for suggesting she eat it--"

"I'm not surprised, she probably thought you were about to cannibalize poor Mr. Potato Head."

Mulder nodded in agreement, feeling a smile surface. "So anyway I was teasing her about not wanting to eat it-- told her she was a short and squat little spud like that potato."

The corner of her mouth turned up, she moved closer to him. "You're so good with her. She's lucky to have you." She rested her chin on his chest. "We both are."

He watched her with affection, lost in the eyes that held his heart. He was the lucky one. And it didn't matter-- what had happened in the past, it was no longer preventing them from moving forward. They were going to be all right. Then, a black thought drifted to the surface, seeping through his good mood and poisoning his emotion. There was still something he needed to tell her.

Continued

Brother Wolf, Sister Moon

8.98

The final chapter, though a short epilogue will be forthcoming. I'm going to miss writing this one! Hope you enjoyed the ride. I'd love to hear your comments.

Brother Wolf and Sister Moon your time has come. -The Cult

Scully listened to the even sounds of Mulder's breathing next to her. He seemed to be at last sleeping peacefully. She worried about his restless sleep; too often it was a symptom of something troubling him. She smiled inwardly and recalled childhood phrases about glass houses and stones... she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a decent night's sleep-- not counting the previous night which had been brought on by sheer physical exhaustion. But otherwise there was too much going on in her head to allow herself the luxury of sleep. She was worried about going home, about Lily and the likelihood of their safety. She was worried about Mulder. He knew she'd considered starting something with Ben Hanscomb, and even though it hadn't ultimately been realized, on some level that knowledge must have hurt him. And he still hadn't told her about his meeting with the Cancer Man. His breathing became erratic again, and he murmured her name in his sleep. "I'm here," she whispered, snuggling close against him and willing the demons away. After a few minutes he was still once again, and before too long, Scully had followed him into sleep.

Sometime later, she woke again when Mulder got up to use the bathroom. She listened to the sounds of him pulling on his boxer shorts and the creaking floorboards as he made his way to the bathroom and back. She made a contented sound as his arms came around her from behind, and nestled deeper into his embrace. But he was quiet, and after a few moments she wondered if he'd fallen back asleep. He hadn't.

"Scully?"

She turned around to face him.

It looked like he wanted to say more, but couldn't quite get the words out. But he didn't have to; she knew what he was thinking. After all this time, there wasn't anybody who could read those eyes better than she could. She shook her head. "No Mulder. No regrets."

"No second thoughts?"

"No second thoughts," she assured him. There may have been doubts before last night, but not now. She couldn't hide from his love anymore, it was deep inside her, weaving its way through her nerves and tissue and twisting around her heart. And she wanted it as much as he did. She caressed his hair. "You've been having nightmares."

"Was I?"

"Pretty intense from what I could see." She propped herself up on an elbow. "You want to talk about it?"

"No, not really." he started, but his tone suggested otherwise.

"Tell me."

He was silent. It hadn't really been that bad, his encounter with the cigarette smoking man. Or at least, that's what he kept telling himself. Ultimately, he'd achieved what he wanted. But the torment the man had delighted in putting Mulder through had left its scar-- even though he doubted the credibility of what the Cancer Man had told him.

It was not something he wanted to get into, though he knew he was only delaying the inevitable. His voice sounded far away. "I don't know if I want to do this now Scully..."

"It's time, Mulder. You need to tell me what happened."

She wasn't going to back down so, reluctantly, he filled her in on the details of their meeting, of how the Cancer Man had let Mulder think that Scully might be sick or dying and put the question in his mind that Lily could be his biological daughter after all.

When he was finished, Scully reached out to touch his arm. Of course it was possible, but highly unlikely. "That was unconscionable, him insinuating you might be Lily's father. Mulder you know that's not--"

"I know. But it doesn't matter."

Scully got the distinct impression that it did.

"The fact is, I'm not her biological father. I'm fine with that."

"Lily doesn't care, Mulder. You shouldn't either. You're her father in every way that counts, not some anonymous sperm donor."

He couldn't help but smile at the term. After a moment, he looked back at her. "It means a lot to me-- that you could say that now, after everything..."

"It's the truth."

They were silent for several minutes. Scully was right; he was Lily's father in all the important ways. "It's weird," Mulder said at last. "I never wanted to be a father. Especially in light of the relationship I had with my own. To tell you the truth, I never even really liked kids all that much."

Scully was surprised. "But you've always been so good with them..." She started flipping back through the files in her memory, remembering past cases they'd worked on together. "Even Kevin Morris?"

"Yeah he was a cute kid," he conceded.

"And what about Gibson?"

"He was okay..."

"Kevin Kryder?"

"Okay okay, point taken." He smiled at her and shrugged against the pillow. "Anyway... now I have Lily, and it's perfect." He was thoughtful for a few seconds. "Charlie Holvey," he said emphatically, pointing at her, "now that kid I definitely did not like."

She smiled at the ceiling, remembering their bizarre encounters with the Calusari. After a moment, Scully looked back at him. "He said my implant could be malfunctioning? Do you think that's possible?"

"I think it's possible but not likely."

"But you can't be sure."

"No I can't be sure, but--"

"What else did he say about it?"

"Look, I'm telling you Scully, we don't have anything to worry about."

"But how do you know?"

"Because I have every reason to be suspicious of the things these people told me. And besides, you're fine-- you haven't had any symptoms."

"Mulder--"

"Scully, he was just jerking me around. He--"

"Mulder I had a nosebleed," she blurted out.

A pit formed in his chest, a black cancer of his own eating away at him from the inside out. It was a moment before he could speak. "What?" He'd heard her just fine but refused to believe it.

"Two of them actually."

He sat up as she slid from the bed and located a rumpled tee shirt from the floor. He watched her slip it on. "Scully..." he started, his voice barely a whisper.

"I attributed it to the dry climate-- I'm sure that's what it is." She pulled the shirt down over her legs and turned to him slowly. "Still, it's probably something we should check out when we get back."

"You're right." He nodded, as if trying to convince himself of that possibility. Of course it could be, and he needed to believe that until they found out otherwise. But suddenly, there was something there that hadn't been before-- an iota of credibility in the Cancer Man's words. And he realized, the thing he'd been keeping from her he needed to disclose; he had put it off long enough. He moved closer to the edge of the bed and held out a hand to her. "There's something else you need to know, Scully--something I haven't told you."

She stayed put. The tone of his voice foretold terrible news, preparing her for what he was about to tell her. Icy fingers stroked the back of her neck. "What?"

Mulder got out of the bed and they stood facing each other in the dark room. "It's Lily."

She folded her arms in front of her, an unconscious protective gesture. "What about Lily?" She stood ramrod straight, her heart pounding in her ribcage. She wanted to bolt from the room, to take Lily and run far away from him so she couldn't hear the words she knew were coming. But she seemed incapable of taking even one step.

"I was told... the kids..." He hesitated, finding he couldn't continue.

"What?" There was a desperate pitch in her tone, but he remained silent, staring at her through the dimness. Scully raised her voice. "Spit it out, Mulder. What about the kids?"

"It's..." He fumbled for the words. "I don't know how to tell you this, Scully... I just-- the life expectancy of the kids in Lily's age cohort... it's unclear-- I couldn't determine if it was a physiological limitation or ... deliberate termination--"

"What are you telling me?"

"Scully you have to understand, I can't be sure the information I obtained is accurate. What I'm saying is that we can't be positive..."

And then she understood, knew exactly what he was saying. She shut her eyes, and when she opened them again Mulder was looking back at her, eyes darkened by his own pain. Her gaze slid to the window. "How long?" she asked, through lips so numb she could hardly feel them.

"Scully--"

"How long??"

He stared at her. "Five years."

Tears like liquid fire scorched her eyes, but her expression remained stoic. She wouldn't look at him. She swallowed hard. "Five *more* years?"

After a moment, he shook his head. She could barely hear his response. "No."

Slowly, she turned to look at him. "They were lying," she said tightly, her voice strong with conviction. He started to speak but she continued before he could interrupt. "They've lied to us before, Mulder. Why should we believe anything they say to us?"

"I'm not saying that we should-- in fact I don't. But I don't know why they would lie about something like that either. I just don't know."

"No. I refuse to believe it. Lily is not... dying. She couldn't be healthier, she never gets sick, she's never even had a cold..." Her voice, which had risen steadily as she spoke, finally broke.

"Scully--"

She turned her anger on him, channeling it from deep inside with startling intensity. "Don't stand there and tell me my daughter is dying when you don't know." Her voice wavered. "Because you don't know, Mulder. You can't be sure." The rage subsided as quickly as it arrived, and she was left feeling defeated and heartbroken.

Mulder approached, holding her shoulders and carefully watching her face. "I'm telling you this Scully because you need to know. So that if it is true, you can prepare yourself." He tightened his grip. "So we both can."

She stared out through the dark room, her sorrow-filled eyes black oceans in the moonlight. Mulder regarded her with concern, but knew there was nothing he could say or do to make her feel better. He let her stand in silence, comforting her only by his presence.

"I don't believe it." She pulled away abruptly and walked out of the room. He followed her to Lily's room, where she knelt by the side of the little girl's bed. Bear was hooked in one arm, the other sprawled out alongside her. Her mouth was open slightly in sleep.

Scully watched the child's face in slumber, then her eyes moved down to her hand, the little chubby Lily-hand that won a Great Big Bear at the ring toss and shoveled in too many strawberries and drew her silly pictures of cartoon mothers. A wave of sorrow crashed against her, powerful enough to register physically and make her shoulders lurch forward as she stifled a sob. The world went gray and slowly, her head started down, nestling her face next to the small hand she clutched in her own. Her heart was tight in her chest, filled with shame and disappointment at letting loose the tears she'd promised herself she wouldn't shed.

Mulder went to her. He pulled her away with him, into the hall, away from Lily so they wouldn't disturb her sleep. Tears streaked her face, she stared at the floor, unable to look at him. Mulder knew Scully hated for him to see her like that, and the truth was, it not only hurt him to see her in pain, it scared him. He relied on her strength, depended on her much more than she realized.

"Scully, please..." He touched her face. "Don't cry, we don't know for sure... you have to have faith--"

"I can't," she started, tears straining her voice. She brought a hand up to her brow, hiding her face from him. "I can't, it hurts too much."

"Yes you can, Scully." He pulled the hand down away from her face, and she folded her arms in front of her. She was still staring at the floor. "Yes you can--" Mulder swallowed the catch in his throat before he lost it too, and said the words because he felt she needed to hear them, because seeing her so fragile frightened him, because he believed them: "You've always been the strong one, Scully..." But he could see was too far gone, cast away and drowning in her own despair, and even he couldn't save her. All he could do was stand there watching her, head bowed and crying silent tears. He pulled her towards him and held her.

The next morning as they sat eating breakfast, Scully stared over her untouched plate at her little girl. Eventually Lily noticed and smiled across the table. "Mommy stop that!" she reprimanded, thinking Scully was playing.

Scully managed a small smile in return and lowered her eyes to her plate, running her fork through the scrambled eggs that had turned cold ten minutes ago.

Watching her with worry, Mulder reached over and laid a hand on her wrist. He squeezed it gently, but if she noticed, she gave no indication. Maybe it had been a mistake to tell her. He'd wanted to prepare her, but now she was looking at Lily like the little girl was a walking corpse.

"Mommy..."

Scully looked up at her. Lily had emptied her juice glass and was holding it up to her face like a telescope. One huge eye peered at Scully through the thick bottom.

"Need more please," she said.

Mulder picked up the empty container and shook it. "No more, Spud. Want some water?" He got up and went to the sink.

"No thank you. All finished." Lily slid from her chair and started outside to play. Mulder watched her go, then went over to Scully. He leaned forward on the table and waited for her to look at him. She didn't. "Hey." His fingers brushed her cheek and her eyes rose to meet his at last. "I want to see you smile."

Her lips pulled down at the corners. She stood and went to the window, staring at Lily play in the distance like she was watching a ghost.

Mulder couldn't stand to see it, and he snapped. "Stop it Scully," he said harshly. "Stop acting like she's already dead."

"You can't protect her, Mulder," she responded, no less harsh. "She's not Samantha and you're not going to be able to live out some pop-psychology fantasy of healing your childhood by keeping Lily safe, because you can't keep her safe, no matter where we take her."

"We've come this far--"

"What does that matter if what you told me is true? All of it-- this time away-- all of it was for nothing."

"That's not true, Scully. You and Lily, you've grown so close here. She's been happy here. You don't know what her life would have been like if they took her away again." The implication was clear: better to spend her last year of life on the farm than being poked and prodded and possibly left in pain.

"But we don't know. What if they're working on a way to extend her life? What if I've killed her by keeping her here?"

"Don't say that, Scully."

"Why not? It's possible, isn't it?" She turned back to the window, watching Lily run around a pile of haystacks. "It doesn't matter-- none of it matters. We're both dead anyway. We always were."

Mulder had had enough. He turned her around, forcing her to pay attention. He rested his hands on her shoulders and leaned in close. "You listen to me, Scully." He held her gaze as he pointed out the window, speaking to her fiercely. "That little girl out there is alive and well. And we have just as much reason to believe that she's going to stay that way as we do not to." Her eyes dropped to his chest as he continued. "You're so quick to believe them, Scully, and I know what you're afraid of. You're afraid of losing her again, of getting your hopes up only to watch her fade away. But we don't know. Have you considered what it might mean if you're wrong? If those responsible for creating the children were also responsible for destroying them? Are you willing to risk Lily's happiness-- and yours-- on half-truths and imputation?"

Scully processed what he was saying. It really didn't make sense that Lily's age cohort would be the only one limited in such a way. And they had seen children in that station that were at least ten, eleven years old. If anything, that would suggest they *had* been lied to.

At last she met his eyes again, and Mulder could see that he was getting through. His voice softened. "You have a responsibility not only to protect her, but to love her, to make her feel like every day is the first day of the rest her life, not the last. No matter what happens."

Their eyes held as he summoned back her strength and courage, like she had for him so many times before. "You can't shut the hurt out by shutting down. I know that more than anyone." His hand moved to touch her face. "Don't give up on her, Scully. She needs you."

Scully stared at him intensely. Then, she felt the hope and determination and gratitude rising in her, diluting her worry in a single miraculous instant. Her lips curled into a thin smile. He was right.

"Hey." Mulder came back into the kitchen and approached Scully at the sink. "I told you I'd take care of those."

She set a plate in the drying rack. "It's okay," she assured him; it was only fair since he had cooked. Scully glanced at him over her shoulder. "Where'd you go anyway?"

"I got something I thought might cheer you up."

Scully smiled; there wasn't anything that could lift her spirits like his words earlier had. He'd given her a precious gift: hope. And with it, perspective.

"Remember this?" He came up from behind and suspended his surprise in front of her face. It was her Apollo key chain.

Her mouth opened in surprise. "Where did you get that?"

"When I was home. I saw it and couldn't resist bringing it back with me."

She was smiling widely now, as thrilled with the gift that moment as she had been the day he gave it to her. It was big and gaudy but she'd used it faithfully and loved it if only because he had given it to her. Aside from a sports video that was more a token, it was the only thing Mulder had ever given her, and she had cherished it.

It had more of an effect on her than he'd hoped, and Mulder was pleased. He set the key chain on the basin in front of them.

"What are you doing?"

He encircled his arms around her, sinking his hands into the soapy water and taking hers. "I'm making sure you do a good job. Because you know, it's important to be thorough..."

His voice was growing thick, dropping to that dangerous tone she knew only too well. His fingers moved along the back of her hand, lightly sliding over the curves of each finger.

Scully closed her eyes. She wanted to freeze that moment, standing in a bright ray of morning sunshine with Mulder's arms around her, holding her against his chest and making her feel like there was nothing in the world but the sound of his voice at her ear and the heat of desire stirring against the small of her back.

"Turn around."

Slowly, she faced him and eagerly accepted his kisses, warm and wet and sweet on her lips. They were both trembling as the arousal escalated; he was kissing her hard and it was so easy to forget where they were...

"I'm back inside," Lily announced as she passed through the screen door, her tone making it sound as he if she'd been away for days.

Hearing the little girl's voice doused him quickly. They pulled from the embrace and Scully tried to even out her breathing, but was having a harder time recovering than he had.

Lily made her way to the fridge and yanked the handle. "Mommy you can open this for I can snack some cheese?"

She forced the air back into her lungs and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Lily, you just ate breakfast." It was obvious to Scully that the little girl was bored. She smiled at her. "Why don't you come here and you can help me with the dishes."

"Okay." She headed for the bathroom. "Got to go here first," she said, disappearing inside.

Mulder smiled at Scully as she pulled up a chair to the counter. He lowered his voice and leaned into her, smiling slightly. "You, me, my room, eight p.m. sharp."

The corner of her mouth turned up at him. "It's a date."

"Or something like that," he said, with a look on his face that left her longing for half an hour alone in some secluded place with him.

Lily emerged from the bathroom and Scully turned to face her. "Come here you."

Mulder helped Lily up. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her, turning his face away from Scully so she wouldn't see the unexpected pang of sadness that clouded his features. "Okay Spud. You help out your mother then you can come help me outside, okay?"

"No problem."

They watched as he left, making his way to the chicken coop. He refused to use the basket, preferring instead to turn up the front of his shirt and bundle the eggs in there. Apparently, Scully presumed, the basket was just too much of a blow to his masculinity. She smiled at the thought.

Lily surveyed the sink and countertop in front of them, then looked up at her mother. "We're two dish ladies!" she proclaimed, dunking her hands in the water.

"Yes we are," Scully agreed, then instructed her as she wiped a spoon with the sponge. "You're very good at that Lily. You were born to do dishes," she teased.

"No, Mommy," she said, that notion ridiculous to a child's egocentricity. "You borned a baby so you could know ME."

Scully stared at her little girl, who was oblivious to the conflict and consternation she'd caused her mother with her words. The pain and love were battling it out inside her. But in the end, the latter won out, and Scully smiled.

The hours dragged on, and by the time night fell Scully was exhausted simply from the passing of the day. They were pretty much ready to go, and since Mulder had taken over a lot of the responsibilities of keeping up the farm's routine, she found she had a lot more free time on her hands. She soon realized it was better to be busy, as the time ticked away at a snail's pace and left her to drive herself crazy with her own thoughts. And somehow, the emotional exhaustion was worse than the physical.

In spite of her fatigue, Scully was restless and found herself lying in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about her little girl. Mulder was lying on his side next to her, holding her hand. He was right, she had to keep faith. They'd been lied to too many times in the past and she had to believe Lily was going to be all right. But that raised other questions. She had taken for granted that her daughter would become an adult. It never occurred to her that she was never meant to be.

"What are you thinking about?" As if he had to ask.

"Lily." She took a deep breath. "If they lied to us... what do you think it could mean for her, to grow up if an adult was something she wasn't ever supposed to be? If they intended to kill her before she even reached puberty?"

"It's impossible to say, Scully. It could mean everything, or nothing at all." He rolled onto his back and settled his hands beneath his head. "I don't know, Scully... I don't see the point in discussing this right now. All we can do is speculate--"

"I want to discuss this, Mulder." She regarded him earnestly. "I need to."

He turned to look at her, then sighed deeply. It was a moment before he started to speak. "I know we don't want to consider this as a possibility, but it could be that she physically just isn't capable of achieving adulthood."

He was right-- she did not want to consider it. Not anymore.

"But if she can, and does, it might mean a precocity, a heightened intellect, maybe subsequent emotional difficulties."

"Psychosis?" She sounded stunned. In a way, that was worse than watching Lily die.

"We've seen it before..." They were silent, remembering the brilliant but unfortunately quite deranged little girls who "just knew". Mulder had wondered off and on over the years what had become of the remaining Eves.

Scully turned her head to look at him. "Mulder..." she started, then conviction filled her voice. "No. Lily's not like them. I don't believe that."

"I don't either, Scully. I just think we have to prepare ourselves for every possibility."

For a moment, they lay unmoving, watching each other through the dimness, then Scully nestled closer. There was nothing else to say, so they held each other, sharing sleepy kisses and eventually finding each other without bothering to remove their clothes. His ability to take her so completely away, to focus her so entirely that she forgot that anything existed beyond Fox Mulder was just what she needed.

The silence endured after they were finished; Scully lingered on the verge of sleep for quite some time, and, at last, slipped in.

"DAMN IT SCULLY DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"

Mulder sat straight up in bed, disoriented and agitated as his dream collapsed around him. The echo of his own voice haunted him. Running a hand through his hair, he looked down at Scully as she slept beside him. The throbbing in his head was keeping him from thinking straight, and he touched her to make sure she was okay. She shifted and let out a deep breath. Relieved, Mulder lay back down, trying to piece together his dream. Only fragments surfaced: Scully had been dying, he was trying to revive her, and there was blood. A lot of blood.

Frustrated when no more images would come, he turned over on his side and pulled Scully closer. He closed his eyes and slowly, a dreamless sleep like death settled over him, and he didn't wake again until morning.

Lily wandered into the bathroom as Scully showered. "Mommy? Daddy says when you gonna finish."

"Tell him to keep his shirt on," Scully called, rinsing the last of the soap from her face.

"What you want me to say?"

Scully smiled into the spray and poked her head out from behind the curtain. "Tell him I'm almost done," she said through a plume of warm steam.

"Okay." As she reached the door, Mulder started through. Lily put a hand on the knob and pushed it against him.

He took a step back. "What are you doing, Spud?"

"No boys in here, Daddy. Only for girls. Mommy says put your shirt on." She closed the door.

Mulder stared at the painted wood, indignant. He plucked at the front of his tee shirt. "Put my shirt on?... Spud?" He tried tapping at the door. The corner of his mouth turned up the slightest bit; Lily was at the age where she was making strict distinctions between boys and girls. But, her restrictions were not entirely consistent...

"Shaving?"

It was his turn in the bathroom and though she had banned Mulder from Scully's shower, Lily didn't seem to have any trouble infringing on his time while he was shaving. Mulder ran the razor up under his chin. "Yeah." He looked down at Lily as she rested her elbows along the sink. "What about you?"

"I'm watching," she said, passing her finger through the running water. "I can do it?"

"I don't think so, Spud, I like my nose where it is."

She pulled his stick deodorant off the counter and popped the top off. "Don't forget your pits."

Mulder swiped it out of her hands, giving her a sideways glance. "You trying to tell me something?"

"Daddy? How come you got no toys?"

An amused smile grazed his lips. "I don't need toys because you share yours with me."

"Oh." She studied him as he worked at clearing away the foam. "What you gonna do after?"

"Take a shower."

"Then what?"

Mulder smiled and wiped away the last of the shaving cream. He was happy to play her game. "Dry off."

"Then what?"

"Get dressed."

"Then what?"

"Put my shoes on."

She was grinning now, thrilled that he was playing along. "Then what?"

"Then I'm gonna take a curious little girl and stick her out in the barn so she can ask the field mice all her questions."

"Hey!"

He smiled. "Then I'm going to brush my teeth."

"I got teeth," she said, curling back her upper lip so he could see. She tapped them with her finger.

"So I see." He watched her, wondering what she would say next. He was endlessly fascinated by how her mind worked.

Lily picked up the razor and banged it along the sink like she'd seen him do many times, leaving the clumps of tiny hairs that Scully loathed along its smooth surface. Mulder could see the wheels turning in her head. "Bad guys have big teeth."

A hint of a smile surfaced; he wondered where that came from. "What? What bad guys?"

"I had a bad dream and there was this bad guy and he had really big teeth and he bit me and--"

"Lily!" He tenderly rested a hand on her head. "That's a terrible dream."

"No 'cause Mittens came and he goed like this," she curled up her fingers like claws to demonstrate, "and he ate him up. No more bad guys."

Mulder held her gaze, concerned that her nightmares were continuing. It killed him to think she was having dreams like that; he wanted to be able to protect her even when she was sleeping.

"When I'm a big girl I gonna get a air-plane and fly all around for no bad guys can find me."

He was silent as she went back to playing in the sink, and Mulder found the wheels were turning in his own head.

The sound of Lily's laughter, of that high-pitched giggle Scully loved was music to her ears. She smiled and followed the sound into her bedroom, where Mulder was on the floor, holding out a hand to prevent Lily from charging him. His palm was pressed against the crown of her head, holding her back. Lily was trying hard to get at him but her own laughter was sabotaging her efforts.

Mulder was egging her on. "What's the matter, Spud? Come on, come get me."

He was such an incorrigible tease. Scully went over to her night table and fished around the top drawer through the contents-- for the most part the things she'd discovered on emptying out her jacket pockets. She pushed her badge aside and found what she was looking for. She tucked one of the items in her front pocket, the other in her back and approached the two disputants. She knelt down beside her little girl. "Might I suggest an alternate strategy?" she asked conspiratorially.

Lily ceased her attack and regarded her mother. "Daddy's bugging me," she confessed, sounding both frustrated and amused at the same time.

"I know the feeling," Scully said, casting a sly smile at Mulder.

"You wound me, Scully."

"Now just remember, Mulder," she said, crawling towards him on her hands and knees. "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you..."

Seeing her come towards him on all fours made every nerve stand at attention; she had no idea how sexy she was. "Is this something Lily should see?" he joked.

Her eyes playful, she reached behind her back and produced the pair of handcuffs.

"Okay now I REALLY think Lily should leave."

Normally, she would've been quicker on the draw, but trying not to smile slowed her down... as she reached for his hand he grabbed her, pushing her back on her haunches and handcuffing her to the heavy iron leg of the bed frame. "Mulder!"

He was grinning at her, very pleased with himself.

"You take these off me right now," she said in her best I'm-not-fooling-around-here voice. She was not happy with the turn of events and being restrained like that had always made her feel panicky.

Lily came over and poked the chains. "Mommy you got bracelets."

"Lily, come here sweetie," she said, indicating for her to come closer. She did, and Scully whispered in her ear. Lily nodded and reached into Scully's pocket. She pulled out the key.

"No you don't--" Mulder snatched them from her and smiled at Scully, victorious.

It was hard not to smile back but she managed. "Mulder," she said, keeping her voice even, "I want you to let me go-- now..."

"Or what, Scully?"

"Mulder I'm not kidding, undo these things now."

His tone was patronizing. "Only if you're gonna play nice."

"Playing? Is this your idea of playing house, Mulder?" she teased. "Is that what we're doing here?" She smiled at him then; a full, genuine smile the likes of which he had only seen once-- after he'd come to on that military base in the Arctic. It was like every Christmas and every birthday he'd ever had rolled into one. When she was smiling at him like that, it was easy to believe it was all going to work out, that Scully wasn't sick and Lily wasn't dying and he wasn't in danger of losing the two people he couldn't live with out. No, maybe not playing house, but playing. And that fact alone was miraculous enough to make him feel that, no matter what happened when they got home, they were going to be okay.

That night, they lie in bed in silence for a long time, neither of them having any luck finding sleep. Feeling Mulder's eyes on her, Scully turned to look at him. They smiled at their mutual insomnia, and Scully moved to him, bringing her face close. "I can think of better ways to spend a sleepless night."

Mulder smiled and put his arms around her. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

Her lips brushed his. "I don't know," she whispered, "you must be slipping..."

He pulled back suddenly. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Scully propped herself up and listened; there was a rustling noise downstairs. She relaxed when she recognized what it was. "Mittens." She sighed and got up out of the bed. "I'll get him."

Mulder looked after her as she left, enjoying the sight of her petite frame in the oversized nightshirt. He inhaled slowly as his eyes passed over the objects in the room. He'd been trying to imagine what it would be like going home, to be back in his apartment and working and wondering if either of those things would still involve Scully. He was too afraid to ask her. As far as he was concerned, he'd be perfectly content to spend the rest of his life tucked away with her in a quaint little town in the middle of nowhere.

Downstairs, it was as Scully suspected, and Mittens was indeed the culprit. At least once a night, the little scavenger liked to hit the garbage can. There he was looking up at her, not the least bit concerned about having been caught red handed. Scully sighed and crouched down to pick up the mess. As she reached for a tuna can, a foot stepped into view, and her first thought was how odd that was. Her second was panic. Scully scrambled backward and stood. "Mulder!"

Upstairs, Mulder sat up straight in bed at the sound of Scully's voice, thin and strained with fear. He ran to the closet and pulled his duffel bag down. As he bolted from the bedroom, he did a double take as he glanced into Lily's room and his heart fell to the floor. She wasn't in bed.

Scully wriggled an arm free and threw a punch at the intruder's face. Her fist connected squarely with his cheek, the unexpected blow momentarily stunning him, but then the man lunged for her before she could get away. He grabbed Scully by the hair and turned her around, thrusting her into the living room. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The little girl--where is she?" he repeated.

The strands of hair screamed against her scalp under the strain as he yanked it. She held her ground. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Mulder hit the bottom step in time to see Scully being thrown to the floor. He lifted his gun.

In response, the man pointed his at Scully. "Drop your weapon."

There was no hesitation; he held up his hands, letting his gun go belly up in his palm and slide from his finger. It landed with a loud clunk on the floor.

"Step closer."

Mulder did as he the man instructed.

"That's close enough." This time he addressed Mulder with his question. "Where is she-- the little girl."

"Where do you think she'd be in the middle of the night?"

"She's not in her room-- tell me where she is."

Scully's eyes met Mulder's questioningly: she's not in bed?

He indicated a negative response, then his eyes flickered to the end of the couch and back to the intruder. "She's upstairs..."

"Mulder!" Scully's eyes were locked on him, desperate and fierce. She knew there was only one thing on this earth that could ever force him to give up the little girl he loved. And she was it.

"Where upstairs?"

Mulder looked back at Scully, and this time her eyes were pleading with him: don't give up my baby.

"Where is she hiding?" he repeated, pressing the barrel against Scully's temple.

It shook him, and Scully could see it. She started to get up. "Mulder..."

The man grabbed the back of her shirt and shoved her to her knees in front of him. "Tell me or I'll kill her."

The horror of that night Scully was taken again, the night Lily was returned, came flooding back into his memory. Scully had told him then that she wouldn't forgive him if he let Lily go. At the time, all he could think about was keeping Scully safe, even if she wound up hating him... Mulder stared at the dark-suited man, paralyzed by the impossible choice.

The man was loosing his patience; he cocked the hammer back. "Tell me now!" he yelled.

"NO!" Mulder held out his hand. "No, don't shoot. I'll tell you where she is." He looked back at Scully.

"Mulder..." she warned. They were going to kill her anyway, and she would do whatever it took to make sure that man did not get his hands on Lily, even if it meant sacrificing herself.

The man tried a different approach. "Look, I'm not going to hurt her; I need something from her." Beads of sweat had started to form on his forehead, but he didn't wipe them away. "I get what I need, then I'll go."

Mulder hesitated, holding Scully's gaze and silently imploring her to understand, but her eyes burned at him through the strands of hair hanging in her face.

The man watched as the two friends stared at each other, deadlocked. It was time to move things along. He took hold of Scully's shoulder and, pushing her further to the floor, kicked her in the ribs as punishment for keeping him waiting.

Instinctively, Mulder took a step closer.

"Not so fast." The man trained his gun on him.

But his eyes were glued on Scully. She was curled up into a ball on the floor, protecting herself against further blows. Mulder ran a hand through his hair, furious, frustrated and helpless.

The man hit her again, this time on the small of her back.

"You touch her again you son of a bitch and I swear to God I'LL KILL YOU!" Mulder was shaking with rage. He knew that Scully would gladly accept whatever hits the man dished out if it meant protecting her daughter, but he wasn't about to stand there and watch it.

The intruder turned his gun back on her as she writhed on the floor, trying to catch her breath. "How interesting." He sounded mildly amused. "I think we're finally getting somewhere. Now unless you want to see me beat her senseless, you'll tell me where the girl is hiding."

After a beat, he started. "She--"

"Mulder don't!"

"Shut up, Scully!"

"Don't do it Mulder!" she shouted, getting to her feet.

"She's in bed." Mulder couldn't meet Scully's eyes.

"You must think I'm pretty stupid. That was the first place I checked."

He didn't miss a beat. "No, she sleeps in with us sometimes. She's in our bed." Calm. Convincing. The voice of a man telling the God's-honest truth.

Scully's face relaxed as she realized what he was doing, but only slightly. Mulder's stared at the gunman, trying to keep his expression confident.

The expression on the other man's face remained skeptical, but he motioned with his gun for them to start upstairs.

As they reached the landing on the second floor, the panic was crawling up her skin, and Scully realized she needed to do something-- fast. The gunman was a few steps behind her in the stairwell; she would have less an advantage once he reached equal footing. She stared at Mulder's back. She didn't think he was close enough to be able to help her go for the gun; she would have to do it herself. Once she started, her FBI training kicked in-- she whirled on the gunman before he could reach the landing, clamping her hands over the gun and pushing it aside as the shot ricocheted off the wall. The man started to lose his balance on the step, and Scully took the opportunity to kick him in the chest and help him the rest of the way down.

Mulder rushed past her then, and she watched as they struggled for the gun on the landing half way down. It didn't last long, and as a single gunshot went off Scully knew immediately it wasn't Mulder who'd been hit; she saw the intruder's body jolt with the impact.

"Lily!" Scully ran down the hall, calling out her little girl's name. "Lily where are you?"

"Scully!" Mulder motioned for her to follow and disappeared back down the staircase.

Her eyebrows knitted but she followed anyway, speaking to his back as they hurried down the stairs. "What? What are you doing?"

"Here..." He strode across the room and crouched down by the end of the sofa. "Lily--come here, Spud."

Clutching Bear in one arm, she crawled out from underneath the end table and into Mulder's arms. "Bad guys comin'."

"I know." Mulder hoisted the little girl up and didn't waste anytime; he moved past Scully and started for the stairs, holding Lily's face into his chest so she wouldn't see the body there. "Come on Scully."

She followed him, a relieved smile grazing her lips at the sight of Lily, safe and sound in Mulder's arms. "She was there? The whole time?" She was eternally grateful he'd managed to lure their intruder upstairs, not only getting him further away from Lily but because the little girl wouldn't have had to witness any more harm come to either of them if things had gone wrong.

Mulder didn't answer, he was already in his room, shoving some last minute things in his duffel as Lily watched. He was upset and shaken; the shattered images of his latest nightmare had come too close to being reality. "We've got to get out of here, now."

She lowered her voice and whispered to him. "You think there are more?"

"If there aren't, there will be."

"Mommy Mittens waked me up..."

"I know, sweetie..." She pulled on her jeans and clipped her gun to the back.

"There was a mean guy downstairs."

Scully herded the little girl into her room and helped her strip off her nightclothes. "He can't hurt you now, Lily, it's all right." She pulled a tee shirt over Lily's head and guided her arms through.

"We have to go, Mommy?" she asked, stepping into her jeans.

"Yes." She picked Bear up off the floor and handed him back to her. "Help me Lily..." Scully held out the sneaker for the little girl to put her foot in. When they were done they joined Mulder back in his room. They were ready to go.

But before they could make their escape, the intruders arrived sooner than anticipated. As Mulder and Scully were hastily pulling on their own shoes, the simultaneous noises of breaking glass downstairs and thudding on the roof caused them to momentarily freeze.

"Let's go!" Mulder pulled on his remaining shoe and scooped Lily up, leading them out into the hallway. He stopped dead just beyond the door. There was a dark figure standing down at the other end. "MOVE!" Mulder pulled Scully ahead of him and gave her a push. They retreated down the stairs with the sound of footsteps advancing on them. As they made it to the door, Scully turned briefly and fired her gun at another figure in the kitchen, covering them as they made it outside.

Scully stared at the old pickup with a sense of dread as they raced for it. There was no way they were going to be able to outrun anyone in that junk heap. That was, provided they could get it started.

Inside, Mulder turned the key in the ignition and the engine rolled over, but wouldn't catch. He tried again, and again...

One of the intruders was closing in on the truck, and another appeared in the doorway. "Mulder it's not working, we have to find another way!"

Then he remembered-- the car he'd arrived in was still ditched in the tall grass up along the main road. He'd completely forgotten about it. Exiting the truck quickly, he fired several shots and watched as the intruders sought cover. He was successful in buying them more time-- but not much. He tapped on the window, indicating for Scully to get out, and started for the field.

Scully brought Lily into her arms and followed him. "Mulder what are we doing?"

"The Volvo."

"The Volvo?" she asked, catching up to him.

A bullet flew by her ear, far enough away to make her guess they were wanted alive but still too close for comfort.

"The car I came in-- come on..." He pulled Lily from her and started running, and they made their way top speed to the road. Scully's eyes were fixed on Lily's face, peering back at her over Mulder's shoulder. Please God, please let her get away. Like some horrible nightmare, she has the sense that someone was closing in on her, but every time she looked behind her all she could see was darkness.

With only the dim light from the moon to see by and the tall grass as camouflage, the car wasn't visible until they were practically on top of it. The piled inside, and as Mulder fished the key out from under the seat Scully kept her eyes on the field. It was too dark though, and undoubtedly once their pursuers were in sight they would be too close. Scully put a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Lily get down."

She complied, squeezing down as best she could into the space between her mother and the gearshift.

The 850 Turbo sped away into the night, with no apparent sign of the gunmen following. Scully's eyes remained glued out the back window, Mulder's darted back and forth from the review mirror to the road in front of them. It wasn't until they'd been travelling for almost half an hour that Scully started to relax. She faced forward in her seat and as her eyes passed along the sleek lines of the dash, the absurd thought crossed her mind that they'd been putting up with a certifiable piece of crap for months while Mulder was cruising around in a luxury sports sedan.

Mulder caught her look and explained. "I got this for us. For going home." He shrugged. "In case you didn't want to spend another week here waiting for our flights. It's second-hand..."

But she didn't really care about the car, it was just one of those inane thoughts that popped into a person's head in moments of heightened stress. Her gaze dropped down to Lily, who had scooted back up and was leaning against her mother's arm. Scully felt a pang of guilt-- she probably should have instructed her to get in the back seat and fasten her seatbelt when they got in, especially since an all-out car chase might have ensued. "Lily, get in the back seat and I'll help you with your seatbelt."

She was quite suddenly and understandably possessed by Tired and Crabby Lily. "Don't want to do it, Mommy."

It was an unfortunate result of riding around in the truck that Lily had grown used to not wearing her seat belt. "Don't argue with me Lily-- just do it," Scully said, trying to sound firm but finding she just couldn't summon the conviction.

Lily closed her eyes and folded her arms in front of her in a gesture of defiance. It wasn't like her, and Scully debated about whether or not to push it. After the ordeal they'd all been through, she decided not to. So they sat in silence for several minutes, still stunned from the experience.

After a while Lily spoke up, her face distorted with despair. "Mommy? Mittens will miss me?"

Her reaction was instant and unequivocal; Scully was furious-- it was just one more thing Lily loved that was taken away from her. Scully stared at her, at a loss for words.

"Damn it!" Mulder shouted, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. He'd been silent up until that point, fuming and glowering until the anger reached boiling point. "This is my fault! That son-of-a-bitch had me followed!"

Lily turned her face in to her mother's side, upset with Mulder's uncharacteristic tone.

"Mulder..." Scully cautioned.

"This is all my fault," he repeated softly, staring out at the road as the endless broken yellow lines droned on in front of them. And it was clear to her that he was not talking to anyone in particular. "You were safe...I led them right to you."

"Mulder don't do this--"

"What are we going to do, Scully?" His voice was beaten, vanquished. "What are we going to do?"

End

The Offspring: Epilogue by Kelli Rocherolle 9.98

For X, Jessica, Barb, Leia and Max, my biggest supporters and guestbook cronies; and for Dr. Carrie, my medical expert (as I didn't get a "real" doctorate either <G>). Thanks, guys, for sticking with the story.

Feedback is welcome

"Something is beautiful and true in a world that's ugly and a lie..." -Matthew Sweet

Offspring Epilogue: Exhile

Shadows filled his eyes as he watched her through the glass. Slowly, Scully was moved into the machine. Mulder leaned an arm up along the sill, silently pleading that she would be okay. He wasn't a religious man, but at that moment he was ready to pray to God or sell his soul-- whichever one would keep Scully from being sick. It had nearly killed him the last time; it was too hard to watch her suffer. And at the time he'd hoped neither of them would have to go through it again.

This, however, was the choice he'd made. He'd tried pushing her away, had asked the impossible of himself and hurt Scully in the process. And in the end, he knew he would rather be with her and love her, would risk the possibility of being devastated if something happened to her rather than live apart from her.

"Mommy..." Lily pressed a hand to the glass, her eyes clouded with worry and sadness. She was sitting up on her knees watching Scully through the same window.

"Lily--"

She turned her face to look up at him. "Mommy's head is hurting?"

"No Spud, I told you, they're just going to take some pictures."

She flattened a finger against the glass, pointing to one of the attendants assisting Scully. "Doctor's gonna make her all better, right, Daddy?" she asked, her eyes wide and seeking assurance from him.

Mulder stared back at her, not knowing how to respond... a normal question from a little girl who's life had been anything but. "We don't know that she's even sick at all, Lily. That's what we're going to find out."

"Mommy's not scared," she said, the words hinting at her own fear.

"Listen Spud," he picked her up out of the chair. "It's all right, that machine won't hurt her."

Her face was grim with despair, a deep sorrow that did not belong in the eyes of a little girl. "Really, she's gonna be okay. I promise," he said, but was unable to meet her eyes.

Lily regarded him dubiously as he set her back down on the floor.

It would be an hour or more before Scully was finished with her tests and her blood work was back from the lab. But sitting around waiting like they were was going to make that hour seem like a year. Mulder took her hand. "Why don't we go downstairs and see if we can find a soda machine," he suggested. Lily nodded in response, though she didn't really look like she wanted anything to drink. Casting a final somber glance at Scully, he led the little girl toward the elevator.

A couple of sodas and a pit stop later, they returned to the fourth floor and went to meet Scully. But she wasn't where they'd left her, and Mulder quickly started to panic. He approached an orderly. "Where is she? The woman that was having the MRI..?"

The orderly shook his head, taken back by the other man's insistent demeanor. "I don't know--"

A nurse approached from behind. "Mr. Hale..."

Mulder continued to rave at the man. "What do you mean you don't know? She was just here half an hour ago!"

"Mr. Hale!" Louder this time.

It took Mulder a moment to realize she was talking to him. He turned to face her, chagrined, but it didn't ease his tenacity. He stalked towards her. "You-- you were here earlier, where is she? The woman having the MRI?"

"Sir, she's getting dressed," the nurse said coolly. She indicated a door to her left. "You can go in there and wait for her."

Mulder stared at her, then offered a quick nod. "Thank you." He took Lily's hand and was about to head for the door but stopped. "Do you know, did she get the results? We had made special arrangements to get them, we're leaving the country--"

"Yes I know," the nurse interrupted; she'd already been informed of their situation. "The blood work just came up from the lab, and the doctor has discussed all the results with your wife." She'd hesitated slightly before saying that last word; these days you could never make assumptions, even when there was a kid involved.

Mulder nodded. He didn't care that it wasn't true, he was only interested in being whatever would give him more clout and access to her information, and he didn't think partner, best friend or girlfriend would do it. She was all of those things, those labels we force on relationships, when none of them even came close to describing what she meant to him. "And?"

"I'm afraid that information can only be shared with the patient. The doctor may speak with you both afterwards, if you have any other questions."

For a moment, he debated pushing it, but the staff was already going out of their way to accommodate them. He'd cashed in quite a few favors on this one, and he didn't want to press his luck.

The nurse stood at the door and opened it. She had spent years watching people wait for what could be horrible news, and she understood how difficult it was. She regarded him with compassion. "Please," she insisted patiently.

Inside, he and Lily waited in a small room for Scully to come out. Mulder sat in one of the plastic chairs while Lily played on the floor. His palms were sweating, his throat had dried up and he couldn't stop fidgeting; he was a nervous wreck. Lily was playing quietly with a few of the toys she'd found in a box in the corner of the room. She had set Bear up in front of some wooden sticks and wheels. "I'll be the doctor. Like Mommy." She picked up one of the blue rods. "Got to take a tempa-tur," she said, poking the area where his mouth was supposed to be. Mulder stared at her as she took two of the wheels and placed one on her ear and the other on Bear's "heart". She did not deserve to live her life deprived of the woman she loved and idolized more than anyone else. He pushed the thought out. He would not let that particular seed take root, not unless he was forced to.

He had to concentrate on Scully right now. What the hell was taking so long? Mulder leaned forward in the chair, locking his hands together in front of him and resting his forehead against them. He wasn't praying-- not really. But the words were running through his head anyway: please, if anyone out there is listening, please let her be all right. Not for me... all right, yes-- partly for me, but mostly for someone else, someone who needs her as much as I do, if not more.

"Tired Daddy," Lily commented to Bear. "He gonna sleep right in that chair!"

Mulder lifted his head to look at her. His diversionary beverage tactic had worked, and now she seemed to be enthralled enough with her toys not to notice the tension that was emanating from him like thick lava. But what if it was a mistake having her there? What if it was bad news? But it was too late...

Mulder almost sprang to his feet as the door opened and Scully entered the room. He searched her face carefully as she took a few steps towards them and stood staring at the floor, silent. She never looked so young as she did that day, standing there with her hair tucked behind her ears in rumpled clothes that had seen better days. In those few seconds, all he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears.

"Mommy!" Lily got up to go to her mother, relieved to see she'd survived the Big White Tube. She hugged her leg for a moment as Scully caressed her hair, then wandered back to her toys and Bear who she'd stranded among them.

Scully lifted her gaze, but only as far as Mulder's chest. She couldn't look at him, because she knew meeting his eyes would let loose the tide of emotion she'd welled up. But it was pointless to try, and after a moment her eyes drifted up and locked with his.

Mulder looked at her, could see her eyes turn liquid and his heart sank. Uncertainly clouded his features as he stared at her, unable to ask the question he so desperately needed the answer to.

For months Scully had silently agonized over the possibility she might be sick again. Now she finally had an answer, and felt an overpowering need to share it with the only person who could possibly understand how she was feeling. But as she stood there watching him, she found she couldn't speak. Instead, she mustered a tremulous smile and nodded, telling him that she was okay.

The adrenaline surge that had seized him waiting for the news at last subsided, leaving an odd tingling sensation just underneath his skin. But he still needed to hear the words. "Okay?"

Again, she nodded. "Okay," she said, and they walked towards each other. Mulder grasped her arms. Her eyes held his, infinitely strong and exquisitely vulnerable, the dichotomy of her nature that both charmed and besotted him. He pulled her into an embrace and gripped her tightly, the tension at last draining from him with a slow exhale. "Okay," he repeated, whispering the word into her hair. "Okay..."

Margaret Scully was not a betting woman, but she did enjoy her sweepstakes every now and then. She checked her mail vigilantly every winter, waiting for the yellow envelope to arrive. Securing her coat tighter around her, she opened the door and braced herself against the freezing December wind. She descended the steps and hit the walkway, mindful of the ice patches along the way. It had been unusually cold the last few days, and she was looking forward to the return of their typical, milder mid-Atlantic weather. Her thoughts turned to the current objective when she saw her mailman approaching, only it wasn't her usual mailman, but one that was thin and slight with long blonde hair she couldn't imagine was regulation. Dark-rimmed glassed framed his face.

She didn't understand until she saw the plain envelope tucked among her bills, no postage or return address, just her name scrawled across the front in her daughter's handwriting...

Back inside, Maggie settled onto the footstool near the fire. She was shivering, at once unable to get warm despite her proximity to the flames. Her hand was shaking as she unfolded the back flap of the plain envelope. It had been almost three years since she'd had any contact with her youngest daughter. The last time they'd spoken had been a brief telephone conversation where Dana had told her they were going to be going away and that she didn't know when she'd be able to contact her again. The noise and traffic in the background had let her know Dana was calling from a phone booth, but she had no idea where. So much time had passed since that phone call that she feared her daughter dead.

She pulled out the letter, staring at it with a sense of unease. Carefully, she unfolded it and started to read:

"Mom,

I don't know where to begin... I guess it would be best to start with an apology--I'm sorry for not writing sooner, and for the shock and surprise this letter will no doubt cause you. I would have contacted you earlier but I had to make absolutely certain it was safe to do so. We've arranged a way to maintain more frequent contact; you'll find an email address at the end of this letter. As you've probably suspected, we are constantly on the move, but if you send an email to this address it will eventually find its way to us. For a while, we were stationary, and Mulder had left to try and fix things. Unfortunately, he was followed on returning. He was careful, but obviously not careful enough, and it took almost a year of convincing on my part to get him to stop beating himself up over it. It's been really hard for him, Mom, and I don't blame him for anything that's happened. I hope you won't either. I've made my own choices, and I don't hold anyone else responsible for the consequences.

But all of that was before my last phone call to you. Now, we're on the move-- we have been ever since; it just feels safer that way. We used most of Mulder's inheritance to buy a boat in order to facilitate our mobility. I know it sounds like pretty rustic living, but it's actually very nice; we have all the amenities that anyone could need-- Mulder likes to joke that there are more electronic gadgets on our ship than a space shuttle. We splurged, wanting to make sure there was everything we would need to be comfortable and to be able to continue our work.

"I'm sure you're wondering about Lily, and I want to assure you she's doing fine. She loves visiting the different places we go to; she seems to have a natural aptitude for languages and during our travels she's acquired three. She speaks like a native; it's amazing to see. We've found it's been very useful, and it's also helped her make friends during our extended stay-overs..."

Rubber-toed sneakers creaked along floorboards as the little girl made her way to the rear of the shop. Lily pulled the strap of her overalls back up on her shoulder and approached the back counter. She was missing both front teeth now, and her hair hung down her back in a long red ponytail.

She pulled some bills from the chest pocket of her overalls. She loved the foreign money, with its shades of pinks and blues and lavenders, unlike the boring green stuff back home. But most of it still had old dead guys on it.

A large man in a sweat-stained shirt manned the shop. The fan in the corner behind him succeeded only in blowing the hot air around the room and sending the wisps of remaining hair on his balding head in disarray. He put down his papers as Lily placed the bills on the counter and told him what slip they were paying for. It was unusual to see a little girl by herself at the marina, and the man asked her where her parents were.

She shrugged at him. "Je pas."

He eyeballed her with annoyance, but took the money she offered. It didn't really matter to him who she was as long as he got paid.

Lily counted the change as she made her way back to the front of the store to discover the total fee had been more than they thought. She would have to tell her Dad.

Outside, Max was waiting for her on the bottom step. He wagged his tail at the sight of his beloved friend, then followed Lily as she headed for the docks. Her father was waiting for her back on the boat, motioning for her to hurry.

"Lily, let's go!" Mulder called from the slip, pulling up the mooring. He watched as she ran down the dock, her Rotty following behind. She was kicking a stone as she went, and Max was running around her in a frenzy to get to it. "Lily!"

Down below, Scully listened to the voices on deck. The little girl's voice grew louder with the approach of footsteps. "I'm coming! See, here I am!"

Scully smiled slightly at the sound of legs scrambling on board. A few minutes later, Max appeared, lumbering over to her to say hello. When they decided to get the boat, they decided to get Lily a dog, part replacement for Mittens and part guardian when she couldn't be in their sight. Of course, watching him now, rolled onto his back with his tongue lolling out to the side, he wasn't exactly the picture of ferocity she'd imagined he would be. She smiled inwardly; he was working out great. Like her kitten, Lily had named her puppy after a character in one of her books-- this time from the story about where the wild things were. Scully found her thoughts turning to Mittens, and the big bear, and all the other little mementos of Lily that were left scattered throughout the farmhouse in their haste to leave. Then, she was thinking of their other home. She turned the page and continued with her letter.

"I mentioned to you during our brief phone conversation that there was a possibility that the implant I have in my neck might have been malfunctioning, but we can't verify that. We have our theories of course-- the most likely of which is the possibility that a magnetic field created by nearby power lines may have effected it. I don't think we'll ever know for certain. I'm doing well; in fact, we've all been in perfect health though there isn't a day that goes by where I don't worry that that will change. I haven't had another nosebleed and aside from the occasional bouts of homesickness, I've been feeling great. I don't know. Sometimes I find myself considering the possibilities of divine intervention and other times I'm convinced it was just some kind of strange luck. But regardless of how or why, we do still believe that my chip malfunctioned, though to date it has not caused a recurrence of my cancer. And it's kept us from being found."

Maggie paused as tears blurred the words on the page. She smiled weakly through them. It was so like Dana for her letter read like a field journal, but despite her almost clinical tone, Maggie sensed and shared her daughter's tremendous relief.

"I know you're wondering about when we'll be home, and the truth is, I just don't know. At times I feel that we could never settle now; that what we're fighting against is just too powerful. But I also know that with each passing year, the greater the distance we're placing between ourselves and those that want to harm us-- that we're lowering the risk of either of us being taken again. I know you're probably worried about Lily. I worry about her too. And I suspect she may live the better part of her life very much as she is now. I take solace in knowing she's safe and happy with us, and getting a life education that no school could ever hope to compare to. And I still am holding out hope that someday she'll be able to come home, that we all will. In the meantime, we have been working on a way to arrange for us all to be together again, however briefly, but we can not consider that possibility for the near future.

"I hope to hear from you soon. Lily would love to hear from you; she asks about you. I'm sure she'd love a picture. I've enclosed one here for you."

Maggie brought a trembling hand to her mouth as she regarded the photograph. Lily had changed more than she could've imagined, the three years that had done little but add a few more grays to her head of hair being a lifetime in childhood. The little girl in the picture with long red hair and a smile that was conspicuously missing two front teeth was not the baby girl she remembered. With pride brightening her eyes, she turned back to finish the letter.

"There was something I didn't tell you on the phone because I didn't want you to worry, but for reasons I can't get into now we had feared that Lily might become seriously ill near her fifth birthday. We didn't expect her to survive if she did. Obviously, she did not get sick, and we are now convinced she will stay healthy. We have every reason to believe she will live a long, full life, enjoying the future we've worked so hard to secure for her, wherever that might take us..."

They sailed for an hour before dropping anchor in Cap Benat, about half a mile from shore. It was their fourth trip to the south of France, and this time they'd stayed several months. But it was time to move on, and they would spend the next several weeks working their way to their next destination.

Scully put down her paper and went on deck. There wasn't much of a wind today, and they'd had to use the motor which was fine with her since it saved them the trouble of having to drop sail. It was a still, warm day with the promise of autumn already in the late August air. A beautiful day that shined on in spite of the clouded mood thinking about home had brought on.

Her eyes drifted down to Mulder. He'd finished with the anchors and was cranking down the lobster catch. She frowned and went to meet him.

"Mulder..." she was exasperated. "I've told you a thousand times, don't crank it like that, you could damage the rudder if you go too quickly." She crouched down next to him, arm to arm as she took over manning the winch.

Mulder stared at her. He could see she was in a bad mood, and attempted to pull her out of it. "Are you getting snippy with me?"

"Mulder..." She was not in the mood to teased.

"Because I think you're getting snippy with me."

It was hard not to smile, but she gave her best effort.

He feigned a stern look. "Don't make me hurt you..."

Scully finally turned to look at him, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Sorry."

He smiled back. "I guess now is not a good time to tell you about the docking fee.."

"The docking fee?"

"Yeah, Lily said it was a little bit more than we figured."

"How much more?" They had used the remainder of Mulder's inheritance along with their combined savings to deposit into an offshore account and had been living off the interest. They weren't starving, but they did need to be frugal.

"Not too bad-- the equivalent of a hundred dollars. I think I calculated the conversion incorrectly. So it'll mean we have to be a little more careful this month."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He hesitated before answering, then smiled. "Cause I knew you'd kick my ass," he joked.

Her lips curled in to a thin smile.

"Anyway I'm telling you now."

"Well," she said, turning her face to his. "I guess we won't be buying that chateau in the Italian Alps this month," she joked back.

Mulder watched as she finished with the winch and sat down on the deck. "Here..."

Scully held out her hand to catch her beloved gaudy key chain as Mulder dropped it into her palm. "Thanks, I'll hang it up on my way back down."

"Is everything all right, Scully?" he asked, after a moment.

"What do you mean?"

He stared at her. It was obvious she was not herself, that something was bothering her. He suspected it was the one thing that always made her feel a little blue: thinking about home. "You've been down there working on the letter..."

She broke away from his gaze as Lily came up from below. She no longer had the ever present Bear clutched to her side (that kind of thing was for "little" girls, Lily had informed them) though her old friend had earned a coveted spot on her bed.

"Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy."

"Hi sweetie." Scully patted the space beside her. "Come see me."

Lily took a seat beside her, hanging her legs over the stern to mimic her mother's position.

Scully put an arm around her and pulled her close. "How's your math going?" Though Lily didn't really have any formal education of any kind, they did insist she to do some required reading and study arithmetic with her three Math and Sciences "tutors"...

"Byers says I can have an ickstenshin."

Scully smiled. "You mean an extension?"

"Yeah that's it." She pulled on her bottom lip. "Byers always makes me do the tough ones."

"He's just keeping you on your toes, Lily."

She didn't look convinced.

"You know what I think?" Scully asked, turning the little girl's face towards her own. Her eyes were playful. "I think you're just bugged because he's the only one you can't sucker into playing video games with you when you're supposed to be working."

"Nooo," Lily protested, but her smile told the truth.

Scully smiled back as she considered the odd trio of men. They were very lucky to have them, not only for the invaluable help they'd been during their time away. They'd been wonderful to take on the responsibility of helping educate Lily. And in a way, they were her only peers... such as they were.

The little girl turned to look at her suddenly. "Hey wanna hear what I can sing?" Not waiting for an answer, she took a deep breath and started, reciting the lyrics more than singing them. "Six o'clock TV hour don't get caught in foreign tower slash and burn return listen to yourself churn lock him in uniform and book burning blood letting every motive escalate automotive incinerate light a candle light a motive step down step down watch a heel crush crush uh oh this means no fear cavalier renegade and steer clear a tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies--"

Mulder clamped his hands down on her shoulders. "Breathe," he teased, shaking her gently.

Lily smiled and tried to push him away.

"That was pretty good." Mulder released her. "But how about somethin' a little more upbeat?"

"Like this? In a courtyard birds were SINGIN'- YOUR- PRAISE."

Scully stared at her, her smile fading. "You remember that song, Lily?"

She nodded, scraping at a smear of dried mud on the toe of her sneaker.

Mulder met Scully's eyes over the little girl, and he could see that they were troubled. Scully had hoped that much of Lily's past would fade for her, that she would lose many of the painful memories of her early childhood. But if she was remembering songs they used to listen during that tumultuous time, then she'd been wrong to think that Lily could forget. She pulled her gaze from Mulder's and rested an arm along Lily's shoulders. "Is that a good memory?" she asked softly.

For Lily, that song was long hours of her Daddy walking with her on sleepless nights. "Yes."

As she watched the little girl, Scully realized suddenly with mild surprise that as much as there might have been bad memories for her, Lily had many fond recollections as well-- maybe even enough to eclipse the unpleasant ones. Time could be kind that way. The corner of her mouth turned up as she held Lily's eyes, struck again by how similar they were to her own, and by the contrasting strength and wisdom behind that bright, youthful face. Scully gave her a gentle squeeze. "You're an old soul, Lily."

"No Mommy, I'm only seven."

"Yes you are," Scully said with a smile. And that little miracle, she thought, is something I'm thankful for every single day. After a moment, her expression sobered once more. Scully took a deep breath and slowly got to her feet. It was time to close her letter.

"I know I'm leaving a lot to be explained, Mom; and I will, in time. It's too much to put in a single letter. In the meantime, please know that we are all happy and making the most of our time away, and that in our own way we are in touch every day.

"I miss you, Mom. And I'm sorry, for everything.

Love,

Dana"

Maggie stared at the letter like a dim phantom come to haunt her. She'd lost one daughter, and had spent three years believing she'd lost the other as well. But now, this-- she should have known. Her youngest daughter was a fighter, a survivor. Dana was alive.

Scully was up on deck, sitting watching the beach goers on the distant shore. But her thoughts were far away. Several weeks had passed, and still no word from home. She had expected it would take some time to hear back, but the anticipation was killing her...

When she was a kid, she and Melissa had always sneaked downstairs just a few hours into Christmas morning. They never opened anything, just wanted to go down for a little preview and to indulge in a few guessing games. Melissa always woke up first, and part of the deal was Dana had to wait at the top of the stairs while Melissa went down to make sure the coast was clear. It always was, and Melissa would wave for her to come down to see what bounty awaited them.

Waiting for some word from her mother, Scully was ten years old again and standing at the top of the stairs, with a sense of excitement and anticipation that bordered on the maniacal. She hoped she would hear something soon.

Lily nestled back against the seat ready to start the video, bowl of popcorn already in her lap. Mulder came in from the back and started for the stairs. He opened his hand, intending to let his open palm bump against her cheek as he passed by. "Where's your mother, Spud?"

Her eyes were fixed on the TV as she worked at tuning in the satellite dish. "Don't know," she said, dodging the fake blow.

Mulder found her in her favorite spot and went to join her. "Hey. I made some popcorn, we were gonna watch a movie."

She watched as he sat down next to her. "What's on the venue tonight?"

"The five-hundred and seventh showing of Raiders, I think," he said with a smile. "And for us later, a time-honored horror classic: Carrie."

"Mulder..." she gave him her patented Reproachful Look. "We have work to do tonight. We have to go over those files Langley emailed to us."

"The files will still be there in the morning, Scully. Besides, we could use the break."

The corner of her mouth turned up at him. "Is that the royal 'we'?"

"All right," he conceded, "I think YOU could use the break."

She reached out and squeezed his hand. "Give me a minute?"

Studying her for a moment, Mulder could see through her untroubled facade. He put a hand over hers. "Your mother must have received your letter by now..."

She nodded at her lap.

"It really hasn't been that long, Scully. You'll be hearing from her soon."

For his efforts he got an unsure smile. "I hope so."

"I know so."

He couldn't possibly, he was just trying to make her feel better. But she knew he was also doing everything he could to work out some kind of meeting with her mom. She leaned towards him, nuzzling into his chest as his arms came around her. She felt all right again. "Don't ever change, Mulder."

"I'm afraid you're doomed to a life of predictability with me, Scully," he joked. "Who would've thought life on the run could be so mundane?"

Scully pulled away to look at him. The truth was, it wasn't that bad at all. The worst part was being away from her family and the things that had been familiar to her. But she was with Mulder and Lily, and they had made a cozy home on their boat. Lily was safe and happy, and Mulder had lost that haunted look in his eyes. Now, if they were successful in arranging a meeting with her mother...

"Mulder," she started, staring at him with unsettling eyes, and Mulder knew what she was trying to say. Somehow, those things were so hard for them to verbalize. Maybe to say the words would seem like a mere exercise. Maybe hearing them would make it sound trite. Or maybe it was just that words could never do justice to the sentiment they wanted to express. He smiled and let her off the hook. "I know." Pulling her closer, Mulder kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

It occurred to her then, sitting there watching the sun go down off the port side of their comfortable seaward dwelling, that no matter where they were, as long as the three of them were together, they were home.

End