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Title: My Little Off-Key Angel Summary: During the holidays, Mulder looks back to a precious time he spent with Emily. Wasn't in the episode, but I added my little tidbit. :-)
As I leave Scully asleep in the bedroom, I make sure that I close the door as softly as I can. Tonight was especially difficult for her to fall asleep because it's that time of the year. I don't know how she does it. I suppose I should since the death of my father and the disappearance of Samantha, however, somehow it seems different with Scully. Her loses are different. She finally fell asleep when I practically pushed her into her bedroom and made her lay down. I know she was exhausted: she'd been crying all day. No, not loud sobs, or wails. Her cries were soft and silent. Therefore, they cut my heart much deeper than usual. As I lay in bed and cradle her in my lap, she spoke of why this time of year is so hard for her. Sure she still misses her father "Ahab". She always will. But it's especially hard for her because it's nearing the second anniversary of Emily's death. We spoke a long time about Emily. About how big she'd be right now. "We'd take her to school, Mulder," she had said through tears, "No buses, because there are all kind of monsters out there. She would have brought home the pictures she made in school and we would have hung them on the refrigerator. Her room would be right next to mine, Mulder...and I would have decorated it with pink bunnies and balloons. Did you know she liked 'Little Bunny Foo Foo' Mulder?" I could only squeeze her tighter to me, her tears soaking me, bathing me, for I felt her loss just as deep as she did. Emily was not my child. But I felt she was mine. Even if it wasn't a biological connection, she and I carried something special. Oh, how I would have spoiled that little girl. I always dreamt of a little baby girl calling me 'Daddy'. I close my eyes at the thought, and as I close my eyes, I picture Emily and myself at the zoo, her carrying a balloon and skipping as she held my hand. I rub my hands over my eyes and lean my back against the hard wood of Scully's bedroom door. I think we both will miss Emily for a very long time. I often think about the things she would have liked. Foods she would have loved and vegetables she would have refused to eat. Would she have liked cartoons, or Pokemon? I will never know. I try not to think about it. I try not to think about Emily. I think Scully does the same. The loss of her has cut so deeply that both of us try to push the little beauty into the back of our minds. Throughout the year, she'll pop Sure she would have pampered her, and yet scolded her. And I can just hear that voice in my head saying, "Mulder, stop encouraging her!" I smile sadly and make my way into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of milk and go sit on the sofa. The lights from the Christmas tree blink off and on, and it reminds me of my childhood christmases. It also reminds me of Emily. She'd have a stocking right there above the fireplace. A huge one. And I would make sure that Santa stuffed that thing untill it bursed. I would have made sure she had the prettiest pink bicycle right there in front of the tree, along with a doll house all girls dream of, and plenty of coloring books. Coloring books. Now that's a memory. It's when Emily was in the hospital, before she got as ill as she did. I remember seeing her in her bed, how huge it was compared to her. She was coloring in some Lion King book Scully had bought her, along with big fat crayons to fit her tiny fingers. She had only hummed at first. And so I stayed there and watched her for a moment. It was then that I heard a somewhat familiar off-key voice. It almost sounded like Scully's when she sang to me when we were stuck in the woods. "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog". I made her sing that to me over and over again. She could have killed me. But what can I say, she loves me anyways. But, this voice was much younger. It was then, that I realized, Emily was singing. In her mother's voice. I had to smile a bit then, as I realized she was the spitting image of her mother. And she had the personality to boot. But that sweet child's voice. I didn't care if it was off-key."Just a spoon-ful of sugar makes the medicine go down, the medicine go down, the medicine go down. Just a spoon-ful of sugar makes the medicine go down. In the most delightful way...." She began humming again then. I think because she didn't remember the words. I decided then, that I would knock on her door. And so I did,softly. "Hi there," I had said. "Hi there yourself, Mr. Potato Head," she told me. And then continued coloring. I snickered, "What are you doing, Emily?" She glanced up at me. She even arched an eyebrow and gave me a look as though I had just asked the stupidest question. Technically I did. "I'm just coloring," she said, "See, that's Simba." She pointed to some small lion in her scribbled, yet, beautiful picture. "Oh, I see," I said, "That's really sweet. Where did you get the coloring book?" "From the nice lady," she said as she resumed coloring, "She brought it in for me today. She tolded me that it would give me something to do instead of watchin' TV all day." That's my Scully. "Do you like to color?" I asked. I sat down next to her on the bed and she showed me another coloring book. This one was "Beauty and the Beast". "Oh, yes, Mr. Potato Head, I love to color. It's a lot of fun." "Actually, my name is Fox," I corrected her softly. "You don' look like a Fox," she had told me, "Your nose is too big. I like Mr. Potato Head." *Cringe* "Okay, how bout you call me Mulder?" I asked. "Can I call you Potato Mulder?" she asked through a giggle. I smiled, "You are funny Emily....say, do I get to have one of those pictures?" "Well, there *are* a lot on my list," she said innocently, "But I can fit you in." "Well Thank you Miss Emily," I replied. And she smiled. I close my eyes whenever I see that smile. I want to categorize it, save it and not let it disappear. I glance towards Scully's kitchen, where Emily's colored Simba picture still hangs. I then reach for my wallet which is in my coat jacket that I tossed haphazardly over Scully's sofa when I arrived earlier this evening. I open the wallet and go to one of the compartments and pull out the aging folded paper. Opening it carefully, I feel a tear trickle down my cheek. A colored page, with Scribbles, of Mufasa and Simba. Each looking at one another with their Lion smiles on their faces. It is a simple picture of a Daddy and his baby. Yes, I was a Daddy not so long ago. It feels like yesterday.
And what a proud Daddy I was. Night Emily, Daddy loves you..... *End*
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