Summary: A different sort of post-episode thoughts. Takes the Emily storyline in a different direction. Very short.
I lied to him.
It shouldn't have been such a big deal considering the number of times that he has either hidden things from me or straight out lied to me. But this one is big. Should he ever find out, it would be the end of our partnership, the end of our friendship for he would see it as a betrayal of the delicate trust that has formed between us.
But I can't tell him, even though every fiber of my being cries for me to do so. It doesn't seem right to not tell him something which impacts my life so completely. Something which may end up changing my life forever.
I have to finish packing, I think to myself. He will be here soon so that we can go to the airport and return home, home our lives. But I can't go back to the life that I lived before because everything has changed now. I have changed.
I found my daughter, or she found me. I haven't decided yet. And I've lost her already. Just three years old, she never knew who I was, other then the nice lady who visited her in the hospital and that made her go through more of the tests that her "mother" told her she would never have to go through again. I was never her mother. And yet I made a sacrifice that only a mother could make.
I've lost her. Not to some disease created by the heinous forces within in our government like everyone believes, like I've led them to believe, but because I gave her away.
I gave away my baby girl, just three years old, with big blue eyes and a smile to melt the coldest of hearts. A smile that managed to melt my own. I gave her away because I couldn't save her. I couldn't cure her of the disease that I feel I have somehow brought upon her. But they said they could.
A man and a woman approached me at the hospital a few days before Emily's "death." They said that they could cure Emily if I wanted them to, but that she would have to come with them. They said that their agency was one of the few that possessed the vaccine (that's what they called it) to cure children like Emily, but that it involved weeks of treatment and that no one could know of it.
I didn't trust them of course. Years of working with Mulder had taught me that much, but then they described in great detail what would happen to Emily as the disease progressed. I decided to listen to what they had to say. They offered to take both Emily and I away and give us new identities. They would cure Emily if possible (not all treatments worked they claimed). They also told me to do some checking around to see if they were in fact "the real deal." I did check them out and could not find anything that implied they were not legitimate. So I gave her to them. I gave them to her. They offered to take me with her, but I declined. I couldn't give up my life, not even to be with my daughter. It will be better for her in the long run, the woman tried to comfort me. I knew she was lying. It would be hard for them to hide me within the underground, she continued, because of my high profile. They promised to keep me updated on her condition and then her life.
So I laid down with Emily one final time, having given her medication that would cause her to appear to be dead. I watched as the heart monitor slowed into oblivion and her breathing seemed to leave her body. I never left her side as they took her down to the morgue and later the funeral home so that no one would discover the truth. My family and Mulder believed I was trying to say good-bye to her and left me alone. I suppose in my own way I was. The morning of her funeral, I met with the man and woman again. She promised me that she had been watching over Emily the entire time and that no one suspected anything. They showed me a small cross identical to the one that I had given to Emily. At first, I believed that it was the same. But the woman showed me that Emily still had mine. In order to keep up appearances, I was to find this one in the coffin so that Mulder would believe that the government had taken her body.
I kissed Emily on the forehead one last time and promised her that she would be okay. The woman squeezed my shoulder as I turned away. They were going to take Emily now and replace her coffin with sacks of sand. I was to go and resume the role of the grieving mother. I did grieve, for although I believe my baby will survive and live to be a hundred years, I know I won't get to see her. That is the sacrifice I have made for us both.
Their plan worked. Mulder believes that Emily is dead and that the government took her body. He suspects nothing of my involvement in the entire situation. He doesn't even suspect a situation. He is just worried about me. He will be worried about me for a long time. I find comfort in that even if I won't take comfort from him. I can't let him know what's truly going on with me.
The door knocks just as I finish zipping my suitcase. It's Mulder. He's anxious to go back to our lives in Washington just as I knew he would be. He grabs my big suitcase and I take the small. I turn the light off and close the door. I can't tell him the biggest secret of all.
Emily was his daughter too.
The woman told me, in secret, shortly before they took Emily. She claimed Emily had two human parents as well as the alien DNA. Then she told me that Mulder was her father.
I know I can't tell him. It will tear him apart inside. He will blame himself for destroying our child along with my great dream for a normal life. It's not his fault. So I must keep this secret from him as well.
"Scully, are you okay?" he asks as I get into the car.
"I'm fine, Mulder."
I will be. And so will Emily.
End Note: Let me know what you think. I get very nervous over the things that I write especially when no one gives me feedback!!!!! (Teahater@hotmail.com) The Emily storyline was one of my favorites and one my least favorites for I think obvious reasons. Every story that I write about the X-Files (which thus far isn't many) involves Emily somehow. I should say, it involves her still being alive. Thanks again for reading this story.
Followed by Lied II.