|
Title: Drive, Mulder Summary: Mulder and Scully head for New Mexico after learning more about what would trigger the events of December 22, 2012. Quantico, Virginia "The sign says south, Mulder. Kersh told us to go north, to Canada." "I know, Scully, but we have to first see a man about the truth." Scully sat for a moment in silence. And then, calmly, although she felt like she had very little self control, she turned to Mulder, "Stop the car, Mulder. Let me out." "What are you talking about, Scully?" "Since you've been back, every single decision you've made, you've made without me. 'I know what I'm doing.' 'Trust me.' Well, Mulder, I'm out of trust. Tell me what it is that you've found, or you're on your own." Mulder pulled the car over to the side of the road, and then pushed the lock button to stop her from leaving the car. They sat silently, both barely daring to breath. "I'm sorry, Scully." "Sorry for what, Mulder? For what piece of this crazy story? That you are going to let me out here, in the middle of nowhere? For leaving me and William to fend for ourselves last fall? Or for not telling me what the hell is going on? Damn you, Mulder." They both sat in silence. The most agonizing of silences, until Mulder spoke. "I needed you not to know what I found for two reasons. The first is that I was afraid the news would break your spirit. But I was wrong about that. I should have known that if I was not prepared to accept defeat that you wouldn't either. Forgive me." He sat silently. "And what's the second reason, Mulder?" "The second reason is that when you testified at my trial, I wanted you to be able to tell the truth. The truth about William. I wanted anyone that talked about him to tell the truth as they knew it." "What truth, Mulder? What are you talking about? I told the truth, to you. Skinner told you the truth. Monica testified to the truth." "No, she didn't." Scully turned to face Mulder, her eyes ablaze. "What are you talking about? Tell me." "I have been with Gibson in New Mexico since I left. Trying to piece together all of the events of the last nine years into something that made sense. Trying to sort out how Gibson, William, you and I fit into it all. Then, last week I got sent a key and some information that enabled me to enter the shadow government facility. Gibson just looked at me and told me to go. When I accessed the computer, I was able to read two key pieces of information. The first told me the date of colonization, December 22, 2012. The second told me what would bring about that event." Mulder paused, and took Scully's hand. As he had the first real time they had seen each other, he pulled it close, kissed it, and then held it against his chest. "The communication I saw, Scully, told me that a boy, exactly 11 and a half years old on the date of colonization, would be the catalyst of the events. A boy born on June 22, 2001." Mulder paused as the date sunk in for Scully. "And," he continued, "the message also told me where that boy is now, and where he would be kept until the date that colonization was to begin." "Where..." she said, her voice barely a whisper. "It said, that he would be with his grandfather, kept safe in Anasazi ruins, surrounded by the one mineral that would prevent anyone getting to him until the time was right for his return." "Mulder..." "Forgive me Scully, for not telling you this until now, but I needed you not to know so that the story wouldn't be told until we figured out what we needed to do. How we could get to our son." "But, if they mean his grandfather, Mulder, who could that be? My father is dead. Your father is dead. And..." The staggering truth came to Scully in full force. "Exactly. I guess it means that cigarette-smoking son of a bitch has escaped death yet again. But, I have the location of the ruins. And we, together, have the means to get our son back now." Scully sat in silence. The magnitude of all the choices she had made and he had made resting upon her small shoulders. She could feel his heart beating, as he still held her hand firmly pressed to his chest. "But how can we keep him safe, Mulder, if we go and get him now? How can we prevent the events from occurring the way they are predicted to happen?" "I don't know, Scully. I just know, in my heart, that whatever brought him to us, whatever forces conspired to bring him into our lives, he is the reason we had these nine years together. He is the truth, Scully, and he's out there. Alone. There is no-one in this world that I trust, or love, more than you. But William is bigger even than that love and trust. And we need to do what we can to bring him where he belongs. With us." Scully took her hand from Mulder's, and gently touched her fingers to his cheek, stroking lightly. "Drive, Mulder." May 19, 2002 They hadn't spoken for over an hour. The car was pointing south, and Mulder was driving with the steely determination of someone with everything hanging in a balance. She kept glancing over at him, yet his eyes never strayed from the road. Every few minutes she ran her hand up and down his thigh, and he would take one hand from the wheel and cover her hand, stilling it in one place. It was how she knew, that despite the silence, his thoughts were only about her and where they were going. And, for the duration of the silence, she had just thought and rethought the story he had just told her. Each piece more unbelievable than the piece before. They were heading to Anasazi ruins, somewhere in New Mexico. There they would find William, who was with his grandfather, who could only be the Cigarette Smoking Man, and who was not dead. And William was not with the family that had adopted him. Mulder had also told her what he had discovered at Mount Weather, the date of colonization, and that somehow William would be the catalyst of the events that would be triggered that date. December 22, 2012. His grandfather was to keep him in the ruins until he was called that day. And they were going, now, to get him back. Somehow. Scully finally broke the silence. "I have two questions, Mulder." "Only two, Scully?" He turned his head finally to look at her, smiling. "I'm serious, Mulder, there are two things I need to know." She could feel him shift in his demeanor, confirmed by his anxious hand shooting down to try and find hers, pulling it up onto his thigh. "O.K., Scully. What do you need to know." "When I came to you, when you were in the cells at Quantico, and I told you that I gave William up, you told me you knew I had no choice. Was that true?" Her voice wavered in the articulation of the question. His was firm, calm and resolute, "Yes, Scully. I know, with my whole heart, that you made the only decision you could, and you made it with complete selfless desire to keep William safe. It is, I think, one of the bravest things I have ever known anyone to do." He squeezed her hand gently. "But Mulder, what you are telling me now, is that William isn't with the couple who adopted him. He's with that son of a bitch, Cigarette Smoking Man. So, I didn't make the right choice, or the only choice, and I didn't keep our son safe." She tried to pull her hand from his, but he pulled it back. "That William is where he is now is my fault, Scully. Not yours." "What do you mean, Mulder? What are you talking about?" "I'll tell you. But first ask me your second question. What else did you need to know." Scully paused for a second, having forgotten her second question in the shock of the moment. "Yes. I wanted to ask you how it is that you came to know about William's adoption. You said Skinner told you, but that doesn't make sense to me. I was the only one that had access to you until you started to prep with him for the trial. When could he have told you?" Mulder paused. "The story I have to tell you is a big one, Scully. And you're right, it wasn't Skinner that told me. It was Gibson." "Gibson, Mulder? But how, and when?" "Gibson hid me the whole time I have been gone. I was safe with him in New Mexico. And together, we tried to pull together what we needed in order to figure out the connection between Gibson, William, you and I. You see, Gibson believes that William has, or will have, the same powers that he has, only stronger. And, Gibson can sense William all the time. So, through Gibson, I always knew that William was safe. I still know that now." "But Mulder, what did you have to do with William's being taken from his adoptive family?" Mulder drew a deep breath. "All this year, Gibson let me know how you were doing, both of you." "He read my mind, Mulder and told you?" "Essentially, Scully. But mostly, he just let me know when things were happening with you and William. So I could share in them, not worry so much, and know that you were fine. He would tell me things like, you celebrated my fortieth birthday. Or that you went to your mom's for Christmas. He told me when William smiled for the first time, began to crawl, sit-up. And he also told me when William would do things, like spin a mobile, or move a toy from one side of his crib to the other." Scully sat silently, although he was conscious that her breathing sounded labored. "And.... Mulder?" "And, Scully, when he was abducted, Gibson let me know that he was safe, and that you were close to him at all times. Its why I didn't come. And, when it came time for you to make the decision you had to make, Gibson told me all I needed to know to be sure you were o.k., and that William was going to the best possible place." "But what happened, Mulder? Why isn't he there?" Mulder again breathed deeply. "After he was adopted, I decided I wanted to see him. Gibson was adamant that it was a bad decision, but I couldn't be dissuaded, which I am sure shocks you, so I went. Drove to the place where Gibson knew William was, and just went to the door. I can't even remember what I said, but I was met at the door by this woman, holding our son. I just talked to her briefly, touched his cheek, and left. But my being there was enough of a signal. It allowed them to find him, and to take him." "Who found him?" "I'm not sure, exactly, but at the End, all Gibson could tell was that William was safe, and that he was somewhere also sacred. A place that made it harder for Gibson to sense William. And, then I got sent the information about Mount Weather. And I left." "And, the family, Mulder?" "They're in mourning, but they're fine. They think that their son died a crib death. It was all carefully staged." "But how, Mulder. How did your going there, matter?" "It's the implants, Scully. The one in your neck, and the ones in my teeth and my belly from my abduction. They are the reason that William is not safe with us. When they want to know where we are, they can. Your plan for the anonymous adoption, done without your knowledge or presence, was perfect. Without the ties to you or I, no-one except Gibson can find him. He could have been raised not knowing the full extent of who he is, until the time is right for us to get to him. But now, now that can't work. Now we have to find another plan." "But if that's true, Mulder, if what you say is true, then we are endangering him now, by going to him, and we can't have him with us. It just starts all over, except that he is in danger with either of us, all the time." "I know, Scully. But there is one place where he is safe. And that's with Gibson. Gibson has a home with Albert Hosteen's family. The place is sacred, and for whatever reason, even I couldn't be tracked there. With Gibson and the Hosteens, William will be raised with an extended family. A huge, loving, wise and caring family. And he will be raised knowing who he is, who we are, and why we are all not together. At least until the time is right." Scully paused. Again, the information was overwhelming, but at least the pieces were falling more into place. "But, Mulder. Why would you have been willing to die for this information? What would that have meant for William?" "I couldn't tell that tribunal what I had seen and what I knew. If my only alternatives were tell, and endanger William, or die, then I chose to die. But now, now that you know and we have one more chance to get our son back, I choose this path. With you. Always." He paused, "But first, Scully. We have to find a way to get William. We need a plan." Mulder looked at her and smiled. How long it had been since they had really worked together? How long since the two of them has sat together pouring over a file, or watching slides? Sharing a theory, or bantering about who was always wrong? How odd it seemed, that he couldn't actually remember their last case. Their lives had changed so much since then. Their partnership had become something entirely different. And even with the weight of the task at hand, the significance of what they were setting out to do, the idea of working with her again left him buoyant. "I guess, Mulder, we need to find our way to these ruins." She paused, and giving his hand one last determined squeeze, began to talk, "And I have an idea about what we need to do when we get there..." The road to New Mexico "I can't remember the last case we really worked together, Scully." The comment, out of the blue caught her slightly off guard. "What do you mean, Mulder?" "I was just thinking, and I know this will sound strange, but I was thinking about how great it is to work with you. How so much of the past nine years has been about that, our partnership. And, I just realized, that I can't remember the last time we worked a case. Where I got a tip, and worked up a theory, and you said, 'What are we doing here, Mulder, or this isn't an X-File, Mulder, but I made you come with me anyway, and then ..." "Oregon, Mulder. Billy Miles." They both stopped and let the flood of the Oregon memories accumulate. The last case was actually the first case. And, like so many of the other cases they had investigated, it had been about so much more than just an unexplained moment. "What if he gets called Billy, Mulder?" "What?" "William. I can't believe that when I chose that name, I didn't think to myself, one day someone is going to call my son Billy, and it will make me think of Billy Miles." She paused, and then continued, "And I won't be there to say, his name is William." Mulder didn't know what to say, so he let the story hang. But the more he thought about it the funnier it actually seemed. It had been such an amazing moment, seared into his memory, Scully telling him that William was named after his father. The first real spoken confirmation between the two of them of what they both had always known, that the baby cradled between them was their son. "William ... after your father." Even when her own father's name was also William, and so was her brother's. And neither of them, to this moment, had thought about what they would do if some snot-nosed kid in a school yard somewhere called their son, Billy. "At least he isn't named after a small, bushy tailed rodent. Now that would suck." And then, for the first time in what seemed like forever, they began to laugh. Light giggling at first, from Scully, but then a full out laugh until the tears were running down her face. It felt good to laugh, even with the heaviness of knowing that it could be true. And, for the first time since they had left everyone at the side of the road, it also felt good to cry at the realization that they might never be there to say to some kid, "his name is William." It was late now, and they were both exhausted. Driving through the night was probably not wise. They were still almost 18 hours from New Mexico, and they were going to need their energies once they got there. She didn't know if it was going to be safe to stop, but she needed it. "Can we stop Mulder? Just pull over for a couple of hours and sleep?" "You should sleep if you want to Scully, I can keep driving. I'll wake you up in a couple of hours." "No, Mulder, I mean, let's both sleep. Just for a couple of hours, shore up our energy. We have lots to do in the coming day, and I want to know that we are both ready." And then, to make sure he really understood, she stroked the side of his head, and pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "Please?" "O.K. Scully." Mulder pulled the car over to the side of the road, needing the sleep, but also wanting desperately to give her whatever she asked of him. "But the best I can offer you is an old blanket and the back seat. And, that's not the first time I've offered a girl that, let me tell you." Scully smiled, as the car slowly stopped. Moments of the old Mulder, when they surfaced, felt like velvet. She opened her door, and stepped out of the car. The night air was brisk, but it smelled fresh. And the stars were amazing. So far from city lights, they seemed brighter and clearer than she could ever remember seeing them. Mulder had already opened the back doors and flipped the car seat down. The few clothes she had thrown together were arranged in a pillow like shape, and he had found the car's blanket, which looked brand new, its creases and folds making symmetrical squares in their bed. She suddenly had a huge pang of nervousness, and a feeling went through her that reminded her of the first night she had gone to Mulder, awakened him from sleep and slipped into his bed. That night, too, had started with an old blanket that he had carefully, and delicately tucked around her. Very similar to the very careful bed he had just laid out for them. Finding a comfortable position together was not hard. She had always fit into his body in a way that had made each night they had slept together feel like coming home. There had been too few of those nights in their nine years together. Way too few. They lay together for a moment, without taking a breath. Both feeling how amazing it felt, after all this time, to be back nestled into the crook of each other's bodies. Like their partnership, a perfect fit of two people who could hardly be more different. "What's your moment, Scully?" It wasn't what she had expected him to say, when the silence was finally broken. "My moment? What do you mean?" "I mean, when you lay down to sleep like this, and you want to drop off, what is the moment you think about? What place in our partnership do you go to?" She wasn't about to correct him on his arrogance or assumption that the last thing she thought about before she went to sleep was him, she just mused his question, despite having a clear answer. "I have many moments, Mulder. But for the last few months, when I want to sleep I think of a moment you and I shared in an ambulance. It was about three years ago, I think. It was a case that had left us at odds. We had fought in a way that we rarely had. You reminded me that my science had rarely solved an X-File, and that you were right, 98% of the time, or something like that. You called our to-and-fro a dance. And, when you asked me for my opinion, you scoffed at my routine, off the cuff, run of the mill, completely plausible answer." She could hear Mulder breathing in shallowly, as if attempting to cautiously stifle words of regret. But she continued. "Anyway, it's the case where you and I got trapped underground by that large fungus, and we hallucinated ourselves into each other's consciousness. And I learned that my greatest fear in life was that I would lose you." She paused, knowing that they would both savour the irony of how many times in their partnership that had come true. "And then, somehow, through our collective will, we were able to escape the fungus, and we were found. But the moment, Mulder, the moment that I go to when I need to sleep, is the moment in the ambulance, when I reached for you, only to find that you were at the same time reaching for me. I lay there and feel in my body what it feels like to reach for you, and know, with the certainty of my life, that you will be reaching for me. It's the moment that reminds me that no matter how different we are, how we see the world in different ways, that at the root of our partnership, friendship and love, is the most complete trust. I knew you would be reaching for me, and you were." Again, the silence hung between them. Mulder shifted his body a bit, to more fully surround her, wanting to show her with his whole body how that moment had moved him. She burrowed a little more into the space that so perfectly existed between his shoulder and his neck, as if to say if I could be inside you, I would be. "And yours, Mulder? What moment do you go to? "I'm tempted, Scully, to tell you that it's the moment that I barged into your apartment, gun drawn, to find you on a couch about to get it on with "me", but that's a moment that takes me somewhere else." He laughed to himself, and then continued. "The one I go to is a conversation we had, about five years ago, I think, in a hospital hallway. It was right after Penny Northern died, when your cancer had just been diagnosed as terminal. I had been sitting for hours outside your room, and when you finally came out, I could feel in my body that something had changed. And then you told me, that you were coming back to me, to our partnership. That you weren't going to let the cancer beat you. And we held each other. God, I can still feel how small you felt against me, and how much I needed you. And I remember feeling that whatever it was that we were searching for was somehow going to save us, both of us." He paused, then whispered, as if the sound of the words would startle her, "It's the moment I knew I was in love with you." The lay there silently together for a long time, moving ever so often so that more of their bodies were touching. It wasn't until sunlight began to stream through the back window that they realized they had fallen asleep. They woke, at the same time, in exactly the position they had fallen asleep. Wordlessly they sat up, and looked out the window. It was time to get to their destination. It was time to put in place the plan to get their son back. The night's conversation, though, hung heavy on them both. The realization that in their articulation to each other of the perfect moment from their relationship, neither of them had spoken of William. Both of their perfect moments from the last nine years had been a complete moment with the other. Just the two of them. Scully slipped into the front seat, and tried to rub the sleep from her eyes. Flipping down the mirror in the overhead visor, she could see the lines in her face from sleeping pressed against Mulder's shoulder. She traced them with a finger and felt oddly stirred by their intimacy. Mulder started up the car, and slowly they moved from the gravel at the side of the road. It was a long way still until they would reach the ruins, but the small sleep had done him good. Now if only he could shake the ominous feeling that what awaited them in New Mexico was something beyond anything their partnership had offered them to date. Squinting at the road ahead he reached down to the car seat beside him, and found her hand, upturned, open, and he covered it with his own. They were ready. New Mexico They had been in the car now for almost 24 hours. The last part of the drive had been in silence. A gentle hand squeeze every once in a while as a reminder to make sure that they were both awake, but they had stopped talking. They had their plan in place, and they were both steeling themselves for what came next. They had crossed into New Mexico a few hours ago, and she could feel the elevation gain in her ears. Even though it had been dark now for several hours, she was still aware of the drastic changes in topography. And with the first glimmers of light, the red in the earth seemed almost eerie. They had been many places in their partnership that had challenged her concepts of time and space, but she had never felt as she did looking out at the New Mexico sunrise, that no place mattered more than this. Mulder pulled the car off to the side of the road. They were within walking distance now of the ruins where the Cigarette Smoking Man was holed up with William. In a strange way, both of them could feel it, although neither wanted to admit it. They needed to go through the details of the plan one more time, and they needed a little more light. Scully unbuckled her seat belt so that she could move closer to Mulder, sliding one hand behind his neck, and placing the other one firmly on his thigh. He stayed still, looking forward, his seat-belt still on. They sat this way for a moment, before Scully turned back to her seat, suddenly breathing very quickly. "Oh my god, Mulder. I'm not sure I can do this." After hours of driving, and the quiet calm and confidence Scully had displayed to him, in every thing she had done since they had been reunited just days ago, her words threw him. "Scully?" "I just realized, Mulder, that with you here, I have this overwhelming sense of hope. Of optimism. That you and I are going to get William back, that this nightmare will be over, and we are just going to go somewhere and have a life. After everything in the past year, after deciding to let William go, I am not sure I can face this not working out." Mulder sat silently, realizing that he had no idea what to say. He could never comprehend the hugeness of her decision to let William be adopted. He just knew, to the core of his being, that the decision she had made was the right one. He also knew, with firmness and conviction, that the decision to go to where William was now and get him back, was also the right one. They both were aware of the significance of William to the final colonization plan, and nothing mattered more than making sure that he would be safe until they could figure out what to do about that. Ten years. And the plan to get him to the Hosteen family made sense. It was selfish wanting him to grow up knowing who they were, even if they weren't together as a family. But it was the only remaining option that made sense. What he hadn't thought about, and should have, was what giving up William again might do to Scully. He hadn't been there. Despite knowing her more than any human being in his life, he really didn't know what she had been through this last year. And he hated himself. "Please say something, Mulder. Please tell me you understand." Scully turned her face away from him and looked out the side window at the morning light, now glancing off the red rocks at the side of the road. She didn't want him to see the tears that she couldn't stop. This wasn't going to work if she felt as scared and vulnerable as she did at this moment. "I can never make up this year to you, Scully. I can only ask your forgiveness for leaving you and William, when maybe we needed to be together most. All I can do, to make that right, is to make sure that he is safe. And to give you and I a chance to have some semblance of a life." He paused gentling rubbing his eyes with both hands, "But I'll do whatever you ask me to, Scully. If you really think that we should try and keep William with us, then we'll find a way to make that work." The anguish in his voice was almost unbearable for her. Like so many moments in the past nine years, she wanted to take away his pain. The pain of being separated from the two of them for so long. The pain of the mistake of going to see William, and how that had compromised his safety. The pain of having a son who might spend a lifetime searching for his family, the way Mulder had spent a lifetime searching for Samantha. She ran her hand down the side of his face, feeling the touch of his skin through her whole body. "No. The plan is a good one. If I can't raise William, I want him to be somewhere where he will be loved fully. The idea that he will live in an extended family, and grow up knowing about us, is the right one, Mulder. Its just that being here with you, like this, makes me long for something else." She too paused and let her words hang in the early morning air. "I'm ready." There was nothing he could say to her. He just reached for her and they held each other, awkwardly at first, and then resolutely. It was the only way he had of making her realize that he too longed for something else as well. To get out of the damn car, like she had asked him to do years ago on a New Mexico road just like this one. But he had no promises left. Just the strength of his convictions and the power of their partnership. The sun was now peeking above the strange New Mexico skyline. They left the car, bringing only the few things they might need. A bit of rope, their flashlights, and some water. But just as he closed the back door of the car he suddenly became aware of the sound of helicopters. On the horizon he could see what looked like four black helicopters, moving at a ridiculously fast pace. He turned to look at Scully, who was staring at them in disbelief. They looked like the helicopters that had chased them through cornfields a long ago and distant summer. The helicopters were unmarked, and they were clearly armed. Without communicating, they both broke into a full out run, heading towards the ruins. Around the corner in the road, they could see what Mulder had described in detail they would find, old Anasazi dwellings, carved into the side of the cliff. The sound of the helicopters was deafening, however, and the wind that the propellers was stirring up brought the dirt and dust from the road up into their eyes. Neither of them could see. Mulder ran to Scully and pulled her into the cover of an overhanging rock. From under the cover they were able to get some relief from the swirling dust, but not from the view that unfolded before them. The helicopters began to fire at the ruins, an endless barrage of artillery followed by huge explosions and fire. It lasted only seconds, but felt like a lifetime, the noise, the smoke, and the chaos. It took a moment for Mulder to realize, above the din of the bombing, that Scully was screaming, yelling their son's name over and over. She was trying to free herself from his grasp so she could run out towards the ruins, but he held her firm, until he finally had to push her against the wall, away from the view and cover her with his body. He could hear that the helicopters were now gone. He could smell in the air the fire and the sulphur from the explosions. The sounds were still deafening, but he was now more conscious of Scully. "No, no, no, no, no..." He tried to speak, but couldn't only pulling her into him, as she repeated over and over, in a trance-like voice, "No, no, no, no, no." It has now been hours. Mulder was becoming increasingly more afraid. She hadn't regained consciousness since they had left the site of the ruins. He had been able to carry her back to the car, and to get them to a small motel about an hour's drive down the highway. The image of the large gaping hole in the side of the cliff where the ruins had been, was seared into his memory, but more pressing and terrifying was what that image had done to Scully. She had told him that she couldn't bear the loss of William yet again. He thought he had understood that, but seeing her now, delirious and unconscious was the scariest thing he had ever experienced. For maybe the first time in his life, he had absolutely no idea what to do. He just held her, pressing the cold compress against her burning forehead, and repeating over and over a promise that he knew he couldn't keep, "It's going to be alright." There were moments when it seemed like she was starting to come out of the state she was in, he could feel her relax a moment, and then, as if her subconscious reminded her of what they had just witnessed, she would fall back into it, even deeper. Sometimes she said words, calling his name, or William's name. But mostly it was just a short, quick repeating of the word she had been saying since they saw the first explosion, "no, no, no, no, no." He wanted to get her to a hospital, but he didn't know how. All he could do was wrap his body around hers, and hope that somehow they would get through the night. Mulder snapped awake. His first thought was a fury at himself for falling asleep. But quickly he realized that Scully wasn't in the bed, and a panic went through his body. He leapt to his feet, but then saw her standing, holding back the curtain and looking out the window. He sat back down on the bed, staring at her wordlessly. When she turned to face him he could tell that she was back. Her eyes were red from crying, but she looked eerily calm. He had failed her again. The one task of their life that mattered, keeping their son safe. He had no words, and he wasn't even sure if he should stand and go to her. He was terrified, that he had lost her too. "He's alright." She looked directly at Mulder, who stared back at her, silently. "I can feel it. It's the same feeling I had all those months after your funeral. I know he's not gone." Scully kept standing by the window. "I think they followed us, and when they realized where we were going, they destroyed those ruins. But I think William was gone before we got there. I don't know how I know, I just do." Scully let the curtain fall and moved back towards Mulder, sitting beside him on the bed. His head was bowed, and he looked broken. She wrapped her arms around him, and held him against her, as he slowly began to sob. He didn't share her optimism. He didn't feel like she did that William was safe. He felt desperate, ashamed and alone. "Tell me what it feels like, Scully. Tell me what it really feels like, to believe." "I can't explain it," she whispered, "but it's the same feeling that made me keep your apartment exactly how it was all those months. The same feeling that prevented me from selling your clothes or executing your will. The same feeling that enabled me to know that you were alive all this year away from us. It's not hope, Mulder, its something way deeper than that." She breathed in, "trust me." The words hung in the air. Almost too much for both of them. Scully broke the silence first, "What was the next part of the plan, Mulder?" She stood up. "Where were we going to go after we got William to Gibson." Mulder looked up at her. "Oregon. There are two site there, like there are in New Mexico, that make it hard for us to be tracked. Gibson would be able to contact us there." "Then, Mulder, let's go to Oregon. Let's get ourselves safe, and start to build a life. Let's trust in Gibson. But mostly, let's make sure that we don't lose what we still have left." Scully turned and reached out her hand to him. Her tiny body wasn't going to be able to pull him off the floor where he had been sitting. But the gesture seemed enormous. They had always been stronger together than apart. Her amazing strength and confidence at this moment moved him. He wished he could believe. He wished at this moment, that he had her strength. Her unbelievable strength. But he needed more. "I need some kind of proof, Scully." She stood for a moment, quiet. And then slowly began to speak. "Years ago, Mulder, when I had my cancer, we realized that the truth might actually be in me. And then we met Gibson, who seemed to be the answer to everything. But nothing compared to William. All that time I carried him inside of me, and then all of this past year, I was finally able to see what you have been seeing all these years. That the truth can't be proven. It just has to be believed. It's inside me, Mulder. And it's inside of you. But mostly, it's inside William. Who he is. The manifestation of our love." She breathed in and continued, "all these years, you have been looking for the truth. And, all these years, I've followed you, hoping you would find it, and through that process it would be revealed to me too. But, maybe, just maybe, it's been here all this time, we just couldn't see it until now." "We are the truth, Mulder. And together, we will find a way to reunite our family. But before we do that, there is something we have to stop." Scully, turned and headed for the door. "Are you coming?" Mulder rose to his feet. Amazed at what he had heard, amazed at what he saw in his partner, and amazed at the realization that everything she said was indeed true. "Yes," he said and then smiling from what felt like the center of his being, "but don't think this means you get to drive..." (The End...) Dedication: for Amy's graduation, and for all the friends who continue to write. With thanks and gratitude.
|