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Title: The Space Between Stars Summary : "Dream flesh doesn't show scars, but her soul felt his pressed against her back. The marks ran deep, and still bleed when touched." I dream of rain - Desert Rose by Sting The witching hour of the night came quietly, while she lay in the darkness trying not to listen to the demons laughing in her ears. The dim echo of life deep inside her-- merely a shadow, a spark of existence-- seemed scarcely able to combat the gloating of triumphant evil. Thirty thousand nightmares lay beside her in her bed, staining her thoughts with dirty lips as they whispered to her what was happening to him. Their talons scraped against the outer defenses of her soul, leaving deep gouges in her courage. In her faith. She could feel their breath upon her breath, and their futlity clasped in iron bands around her heart. Or should she call the pain what it really was....loss.... On an impulse, she flung her body from her bed to the window and stared down at the million watt indifference of the city. None of them understood. They would continue to waltz drunkenly down their road of gold and blood until they dropped straight off into their worst fear. Maybe then one of them would want to believe, like he did. Maybe then just one of them would have the slightest idea of the kind of horror he had embraced every day so the children of tomorrow would be human, not cattle. No....one...... Her fingers pressed against the glass until the tips turned white with subtle anger. Trembling, so slightly, as the water droplets outside before they plunged to non-existence. (Lost....) the demons cackled. She could almost see Hell's smile. (Forever in the darkness where there is no light....) "No!" She grabbed a pillow and smothered her passion even as she screamed. "Never lost! God in heaven, he will come back!" It didn't matter how far away he was. It didn't matter how long it took. He would find a way back to her because he was Mulder and that's what he did. Resurrect. He'd done it so many times....why should this be any different? Because of his eyes. Because the memory haunted her like a second soul......a galaxy of understated emotions shining bright with one thing he dare not say. Only one month passed, but forever had never felt so long. Suddenly she realized her skin was drowning. She would not call it tears. Just like the fear inside her was not fear. And the loneliness? It wasn't real either. Yet the night was still cold and she was still alone as she slipped into darkness. Where there was no light. Something like consciousness quickened her pulse and stirred her blood. Something similar, yet......alien..... (And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep....) Her body knew no boundarys, no pull of gravity or cloying sickness of flesh. The realization touched a nerve just underneath her stomach, sending electric ripples of vague discomfort into every part of her body. She could see the white-blue currents as they danced across the backdrop of nothingness. Feel them, in the tops of her teeth and the edges of her fingernails. (....Let there be light....) At once a thousand spears of color pierced the darkness, tearing it into pieces then destroying it forever. A wave of sheer light roared over her as if she was caught from behind by a tidal wave. It was both beyond her eyes and inside her heartbeat. For twelve seconds it carried her, and she knew this was death. (Mulder.......dear God, Mulder......) She did not want to be afraid, but her breath slid from her lungs nonetheless. Again she was blinded. Trapped inside the prism's blood, helpless to escape. Soon would come the final darkness. The final thought. (I do not want to be alone.) You are never alone, Scully. Resignation shattered. The color exploded into nothingness. She clutched at air as a woman breaking current for the third and last time, gasping in surprise as much as need when she opened her eyes. There he was. His face not more than two inches above hers, his arms the gentlest strength around her body. She shook with the aftershocks of stale terror, and he rocked her as one would comfort a small child. Pastel words dyed her mind in shades of peace. Shh...shh....it's alright now. You made it. It was rough, I know. I'm sorry. But you're all right now. Do you hear me? You are all right. She nodded, still remembering how to breathe. God, I missed you. There was no sound. His thoughts ewtwined with hers as two trails of smoke, then vanished just as quickly. (I died......) No. You are certainly not dead. More alive, probably, than you have ever been in your life. (What?) Look around. She pried her eyes away from him as her gaze slowly crawled from one horizon to the next. Velvet black extended for infinite miles in infinite direction, set afire by tiny sparks of white, green, yellow, and blue. Far below her feet, galaxies twisted and spun in enchanted circles known only to their own will. The golden apple of the sun hung to the east of her, full and ripe for the tasting. Not so far away the sphere of Earth rested as a shining water-jewel in the midst of space. Space. Her bones seemed to cave inward, and she fell back against in chest, eyes stretched thin and begging his for some answer. (There is nothing under our feet.) No. (Why?!?) She might have screamed the thought, so loudly did the synapses of it echo in her brain. We don't need it. (What do you mean?) Your body is not your body. His hand brought hers up to where she could see it. The flesh and bones were translucent, a mother-of-pearl white threaded with crimson and azure and glowing the palest shade of golden. Through it she could see the stars. Mulder's hand, she noticed, was exactly the same except he was tinted a warmer gold. (Tell me what is happening.) This time her thoughts were very quiet. Very subdued. On the verge, and waiting to fall. (Whoa, back up to the part where you told me I just left my body and took a trip into never never land. This can't be astral projection. I wasn't attempting anything.) His eyes sliced right through her doubt. Every night since I've been gone, I've been trying to find a way to see you again. I had almost given up hope that it would work, but here you are. Yes. There she was. No denying that. Now the only question was, did she believe it. (Mulder, it's only a dream. you are only a dream. I went to bed......crying.......for you and this is my mind's way of healing itself.) He blinked increduously. You cried for me? Scully, you never cry. Her skin burned with the embarrassment of accidental revelation. (This past month.....I have become very different in very many ways....) Should she blurt out and say it, even though he wasn't real? Just for release of her own emoton? No. She wouldn't do that to herself. (Unimaginable ways.) The thread of her thought was mist blue, the color of tears before they leave the mind. His voice spun through her mind, building a tapestry of dreams she wanted so much. Dream flesh doesn't show scars, but her soul felt his pressed against her back. The marks ran deep, and still bleed when touched. She turned in his arms so her head rested over his heart. Wondering, slightly, what miracle kept it beating. (They have hurt you.) It seemed almost criminal to understate it so. Even for a dream, it was criminal. But a whisper told her this was something deeper than an active subconscious, only she did not want to ask what just yet. Yes. There was silence in the galaxies for a twinkle of light, then the bleeding red of his thoughts reached out for hers, trembling. When they took you, I had nightmares of what they did to you. I thought I understood what the pain was like. Oh, but I didn't. I never even imagined how badly it made you want to die until...... The thread snapped and his voice drifted aimlessly a moment before refocusing on her, a soft caress in darkness to match the touch of his hand on her face. I'm sorry you had to bear that. I can't tell you how sorry. If I had taken this step sooner.... (You didn't belong with them before, and you don't now.) He looked away toward some nightmare in the darkness only his eyes could see. They tell me I am one of them. In my head.....I can feel their thoughts. They hear mine. She shook her head, her voice almost fierce as sparkling tears blurred the cosmos. ( You are not theirs, Mulder! They envy you. They fear you That is why they took you from me. But never believe you *belong* with them. You know where your home is.) His voice was distracted, as if he had not heard her. (When you return, we will sit and talk for hours. I promise you.) She wrapped her gaze around his, staring as deep into him as sight would let her. His eyes were transparent as well, showing each little splash of color and life. It had never been so beautiful. For a moment she forgot all but the beauty, but there was still darkness in paradise, for his thoughts were black. As space. As separation. They tell me it will all go away if I will do what they want. Thoughts of the methods of probable "persuasion" turned her gut, but she asked anyway. (What do they want?) My DNA. My brain. My body to enlist with their projects. The hour is late, Scully. Colonization is closer than anyone imagined. But it's more than that.) His eyes fastened on her with a sort of desperation that was more frightning than anything she had seen in a long time. His fists clutched her arms so tightly they left indentatations on the flesh. That's why I had to bring you here. I had to find some way to warn you.... The back of her throat buzzed with the gall of bile at the thought. They could only want one thing with her. Or, more correctly.....with her child. She'd walk through Hell barefoot before she'd let them touch her baby. (Mulder,) Now was the time. Now he must know. Would it give him hope? Would it make him resist? (I know why they want me.) Why? (I discovered something after you left. I might have suspected it those nights I had vertigo, but it was too impossible at the time....) For a moment her thoughts trailed, overwhelmed by the memories of their last tangible night. What was impossible.... (There is a child. In me. My child, my very own.) The strands of her mind glowed golden with the joy. He choked on his own breath. Yours.... (Not only mine.) She smiled up at him. (You have a reason to come back, Mulder, that is greater than me or your quest or anything like that. A miracle, that is just as much of you as it is of me....) There was awe in his voice as in a child when he first visits a church. You're saying the baby is part mine, too? (I'm saying there's no one else I'd rather it belong to. I wasn't sure at first.....there were tests we had to do.....but now we know for certain.) She was tempted to cry again for the sheer wonder of it. (So you see? You have to come back. You're a father.) His arms pulled her so close her heartbeat was no longer her own, but shared between the both of them. For a smattering of seconds, space and heaven and earth revolved around them. (Tell me where you are.) She begged. (I will find you.) You will do no such thing. He said. You are going to stay far away from them. I will not let them take this from you. Even if it kills me. (Don't talk like that.) The tone of her voice made him understand she was serious. (I don't want this if I can't have it with you.) You will. a shadow pair of kisses, one on her temple and the second pressed gently on her eyelid. (We both have. Don't lose faith yet, Mulder. Please.) How can I when I hold it in my arms? Silence. Do you still believe you are dreaming? When she kissed him, it was answer enough. The seconds almost seemed long enough to erase the aching inside. Then the darkness shivered, and his body with it. The stars began to wail, a clamor of siren-like screaming, as a thick black hole opened up behind them. Her eyes saw it and widened with fear, but her mouth remained pressed against his, need of one kind displacing need of another. You've got to go. (No.) You don't understand. They can read my thoughts! I tried to hide this from them.....but they're coming......I can't keep them out much.....longer.... His thoughts were strained, stretched taut as he tried to keep them laced with hers. (But I don't want to wake up alone.....) She begged, pleaded......all facades crumbling as the stars fell. The seams were ripping from the universe; the light was screaming as it was sucked into the abyss.. They were frozen against the backdrop of the terror when she felt him slipping away. Don't you know by now I'd never let that happen? He wrapped her hand around something she could not see, his lips finding hers hard and fast in a goodbye that was not forever. It could not be. His mind pushed against hers, shoving her away from him in one titan effort. Falling, falling, her lips burning and her scream swallowed up by the void. For one moment he was crucified between worlds. Then the darkness took him, and she was swept away by the light. The wan sunlight of a sickly morning greeted her when she opened her eyes. (It was a dream after all. Nothing real. Nothing true.) For some reason that left her hollow inside, even more than when she had fallen asleep. But what a dream! That last kiss had followed her into reality, where it now rested on her lips tasting of hurried desire and promised fulfillment in days to come. Yet she was alone after all. The silence of her bedroom seemed more fitting for a crypt. Perhaps that's what it was after all. A place of dying hopes and rotting dreams. Her hand wandered down to her stomach. (Oh little one, tell me how to live these days without him?) Suddenly her brain picked up on the feel of a warm metal object clenched tightly in her left hand. The implications nearly caused a short circuit. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. But there was her cross, dangling from her fingertips. The same necklace she had placed around his neck, blessed with a kiss to ward off the soul-vampires. The shock lasted a long time, in which she did not move and scarcely breathed. Her first coherent thought was the fear, irrational or not, that by returning her icon he had left himself vulnerable. Open. That, perhaps, he would let them get past his head and into his heart...... a voice floated from some distant corner of her consciousness, swirling inside her head with images of spinning galaxies and supernovas. Don't you know I'd never let that happen? Yes. She did. the end :) see, that wasn't too painful, now was it? feedback is adored at clone347@aol.com make the Mulder clones happy and tell me what you thought about this little journey into shippiness. thanx for reading. darkstar
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