Are at Gossamer if anybody feels the urge ;)

I remember everything about our first night together, how he smelt, how he tasted, how softly he touched me, how he felt inside me. I remember how brave I felt to be the one taking the final step on this long and complicated journey of ours, how I woke up on his couch and suddenly knew it was time. I remember how my heart pounded as I crept into his bedroom and stood for a few minutes just watching him sleep before whispering his name as I started to shed my clothes. I remember his sleepy eyes and how they changed from confusion to pleasure as the realization of what I was doing hit him. I remember his gentle smile as he reached for me and I slipped into bed beside him, kissing him, *really* kissing him for the first time.

I feel him now, pressed up against me, his breath warm and comforting on my neck and I remember Oregon, how he held me all night after I came to him feeling sick and strangely emotional. He slept that night, as I lay awake, a terrible fear gripping me more tightly as the hours passed. I remember lying in my hospital bed a couple of days later, wondering how I could be so blessed and so cursed all at the same time, wondering why me, why him, why us? I remember silently begging God to bring him home to me so I could tell him about the baby growing inside me, the miracle we had created.

His hand settles on my stomach now, his fingers drawing slow circles, perhaps unconsciously protecting the new life that we now have to look forward to, our second unbelievable miracle.

I cover my hand with his and remember how I longed for his touch while he was gone, how I ached to feel him with me.

I remember the day we found him, the moment I saw all my hopes and dreams lying cold on the forest floor, how I screamed until I had nothing left before sinking to the floor and crying hopelessly.

I remember the funeral, the moment I truly realized that he was gone, that I would never look into his eyes or see his smile again and that the fluttering I was just beginning to feel inside was the only reminder I had of him, the only reason to go on.

I'm not surprised now to feel tears sliding slowly down my face, even though Mulder is safe here with me and our son is sleeping peacefully across the room. He kisses my neck and whispers, "Sssh, Scully, I'm here."

He knows what I'm thinking, what I'm remembering, how hard it is for me to forget the agony of those long months without him, the days I spent forcing myself to eat, sleep and even breathe for the sake of our unborn child. It's hard for him too, maybe even harder. He lost a huge chunk of his life and returned to find everything different, everything upside down. His was an ordeal that most people could only imagine in their worst dreams. He still has nightmares sometimes, visions of the three of us -William, me and himself- buried alive, screaming and begging to get out. He wakes up sweating and shaking, holding onto me, clutching me so tightly that I can feel his heart pounding hard against me, as though it will explode from his chest.

I roll over to face him, lifting his hand and placing it back onto my stomach as I look into his eyes, "Will we always remember, Mulder?"

"I don't think we'll ever truly forget, but it *will* get easier. We're making new memories every day, Scully. Happy memories. Eventually it will be those that we think of first."

As I lean in to kiss him softly on the lips, I remember again why I love this man, why I choose to live my life with him, raise a family with him.

"The night we played baseball."

"Hollywood on the Bureau's dime."

"New Years Eve, when you kissed me."

"New Years Eve, when you kissed me right back."

"Our wedding day."

"William."

One word and we both fall silent. I know that we are remembering the same thing, the joy and relief we felt as we held our perfectly healthy, perfectly *human* son in our arms for the first time. Tomorrow we have an appointment for an ultrasound, our first glimpse of the newest member of the Mulder family.

I smile and let my eyes drift shut and I see Mulder doing the same. I offer one silent prayer for the night, a prayer for sweet dreams.

Sight is the first of my senses to kick in as I drag my eyes open and see that Scully's side of the bed is empty. I remember then my final vision before I closed my eyes last night-Scully smiling, and I remember returning the smile before slipping into the best sleep I've had in weeks, maybe months. I stretch my arms up above my head and take in a deep, cleansing breath. The smell of coffee floats upstairs and clues me in to the whereabouts of my missing bedmate so, heaving my legs over the side of the bed, I get up and follow my nose.

Scully doesn't see me as I approach the kitchen so I get the chance to indulge in a little Scullywatching.

It's not a recognized pastime but it really should be, she's a beautiful sight. She loves this house, she told me that she knew it was the one for us as soon as she set foot in it, that it had just been waiting for us to find it. I may have raised an eyebrow at that but I didn't question it, Scully has amazing intuition for one so sceptical. She was right, we're happy here and it does feel oddly like it was meant to be ours. As I stand in the doorway, I remember the first time we shared breakfast after waking up together, me oddly nervous about sitting in Scully's kitchen wearing only my underwear, and she wrapped in my shirt, smiling shyly. Now she pours herself a mug of coffee and kisses Will before handing him a piece of toast and sitting down at the table with a piece for herself. Glancing up towards the door, she spots me then and smiles, "Hey, handsome."

"Hey yourself, gorgeous."

I head to the coffee pot, dropping a kiss on the top of Will's head as I pass him, "Morning, little fella."

I pour myself a huge mug of coffee, decaf because apparently if Scully can't have "real" coffee, then neither can I. I'll get used to it, I'm certainly not about to question the logic of a caffeine deprived, hormonal -albeit beautiful- woman. As I sit down next to her, I plant a quick kiss on her cheek and she pouts playfully, "Is that the best you can do?"

I cup her face and stroke her cheeks with my thumbs before kissing her forehead, her nose and down her neck, eventually ending up at her mouth where I wipe away all traces of the pout with a slow, deep kiss.

"Better?"

"Mmm, much. You want breakfast?"

"I'll get it."

I'm reaching for a cereal bowl when I hear her voice behind me, "Thank you for last night, Mulder."

I turn and look at her curiously before she goes on, "What you said, about making new memories. Sometimes it's hard to see beyond the bad ones but I'm trying, I really am."

"I know it's hard, it is for me too but, like I said last night, it will get easier."

"Will you do something for me, Mulder?"

"Anything."

"Just remind me occasionally of everything we have to be thankful for. It's easy to miss what's right in front of you if you're not careful."

"As long as you promise to do the same for me."

"Deal. I'm going to get dressed, give Will the rest of that toast if he wants it."

"You feeling sick?"

"A little but it'll pass."

I smile at her as she stands up from the table and starts to walk away. She stops behind me suddenly and I feel her arms slide around my neck and her chin come to rest on the top of my head. She says nothing, just stands for a moment before placing a kiss into my hair and heading for the stairs.

We leave Will and an enormous bag of toys with Mrs Scully on our way to the hospital. We haven't told her where we're going, she thinks we have shopping to do and that we'll get it done more quickly if it's just the two of us. Scully wants to get the scan out of the way and make sure everything is as it should be before we tell anyone so we've agreed to tell her mom on the way home as we show her the first picture of our new son or daughter, her new grandchild. I would happily have shouted it from the rooftops the day we found out but I know that Scully is nervous, that she's having trouble believing she is actually pregnant again so I'll control myself until she has the proof in her hands that she needs in order to relax a little.

As we get out of the car, she turns to face me, "Mulder, do you want to know the sex this time?"

"Do you?"

"Don't answer a question with a question, I asked first. I know you wanted to find out last time-"

"I don't mind, Scully. I'll happily rely on your vibes."

"My *vibes*, Mulder?"

"Yep, you kept saying 'he' last time whenever you talked about the baby and you were right. So, I'm as confident in your amazing psychic abilities as I am in the wonders of modern technology."

She stares at me for a while before smiling, shaking her head and muttering, "Man, ask a simple question..."

Mulder is driving as I sit in the passenger sit, gazing inanely at the printout in my hand, the fuzzy black and white picture of our new baby, our seemingly healthy baby with ten fingers, ten toes and a strong heartbeat. Our daughter. I don't know what came over me but when the doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex, I found myself saying yes without any hesitation as Mulder just nodded at me. A girl. I picture a little girl with soft hazel eyes like her daddy and a slight dimple in her right cheek like her mommy. Or a little girl with big, blue eyes like her brother and thick dark hair like her daddy. As I look at the picture, I remember another little girl, with blonde hair, big, bright eyes and a shy smile.

Emily.

I feel a lump in my throat and an ache in my chest which I recognize as my old friend- guilt. I close my eyes and as I see her face I wonder, not for the first time, if there is any chance she was Mulder's child too, no matter how unlikely the possibility.

He grieved for her as though she was his own and his only explanation when I finally found the strength to to talk about it was that she was somehow a part of me and that was reason enough.

I open my eyes and I wonder how long the tears have been flowing down my face and how long ago Mulder stopped the car. My emotions are waging a civil war and I feel like an innocent bystander, fighting for control but with no real hope of escaping the gunfire. I feel one of Mulder's hands squeeze mine, almost *too* hard as if he can shock me back into myself. It seems to work and when I finally raise my head and look over at him, I see that in his other hand, he holds the picture that I don't even remember letting go of. He releases his grip on my hand and brushes the tears softly from my cheeks, "Don't do this to yourself, Scully. This baby is not a replacement, you won't stop loving Emily because you have another daughter. You deserve this, *we* deserve this. Do you hear me?"

I close my eyes again and lean my head back against the seat, letting his words sink in. I know he's right, I did everything I could have done for Emily and only then did I start to try and let go. We *do* deserve this and I know that there is enough room in my heart for both of my girls, without one ever taking the place of the other. Without opening my eyes, I answer him, "Yes. Yes, I hear you, Mulder."

"But do you believe it, Scully?"

"I believe *you*, Mulder. I believe *you*."

He hands the picture back to me and I smile through the last of my tears as he pulls the car back out into the afternoon traffic and heads in the direction of my mom's house. We have something to tell her.

My mom has William in her arms as she opens the door to us and he grins his unmistakable Mulder grin as I take him from her, kissing him and rubbing my nose against his, "Hey sweetie, did you miss mommy? Mommy missed you."

Mom smiles as we head into the living room, "So, did the two of you get your shopping done?"

"Um, we didn't actually go shopping, Mom."

"Oh, I thought you said-"

"We had an appointment at the hospital. We've got something to tell you."

I see the concerned frown forming on her face and I know she's fearing bad news, so I quickly reassure her, "No, no. It's nothing bad, Mom. Honey, would you take him?"

I hand Will to Mulder who smiles as his son squeals "Da-da!" before reaching up to grab a handful of his father's hair. I slip my hand into my pocket and pull out the scan picture, making sure to keep it face down so Mom can't see it yet. Mulder nudges my shoulder lightly and I feel a slow smile spreading across my face, "We're going to have another baby, Mom. I'm pregnant."

I hand her the picture and watch her as she looks at it for a long moment before she says anything, "Oh Dana! I don't know what to say, I'm so happy for you both. I had no idea you were trying-"

Mulder breaks in, "We weren't really trying to, we just weren't trying not to."

She smiles at him and reaches over to touch Will's cheek tenderly, "And everything's okay?"

"Fine, Mom. As far as they can tell, she's a perfectly normal, healthy baby."

"She? You're having a girl?"

I nod and stand up, taking back the picture my mom hands to me and smiling as I look down at it. She kisses us one by one; first me, then Mulder and finally Will, as we prepare to head home-all four of us.

end

There will be more, I'm hooked on this whole 'series' idea now....