Title: Breath In, Breath Out
Author: little Starbuck*
Rating: pg
Category: Scully Angst.
Disclaimer: She doesn't belong to me.
Spoilers: I guess the end of season eight.

Distribution: I would be happy to share, please keep my name on it.

Summary: Kind of my own personal wish as to how they'll take Mulder off the show (since DD isn't returning) :(

~*Pleeze Enjoy*~


Breath in, breath out.

I'm holding her in my arms.

Nine months, my whole life, really... I've waited to hold her, to hear her breath, to see the color of her eyes. They are green, like her daddy's. Her hair, red, like her mom's.

Breath in, breath out.

She'll never know her father, though. She'll never touch his face or see him standing tall, over top of her. He's gone... away, above the clouds. I should have known, working the way we did, he'd die sometime. Unexpectedly, just gone. When Monica came into my room to tell me what had happened I stopped breathing.

Breath in, breath out.

Two of the greatest people I'd ever known, gone in an instant. I'm crying only now, for the first time... realizing I'll never see them again, never see him. I've lost him once already. That should have been a sign... not to hold on to something that is meant to move on.

Breath in, breath out.

Why do I have to keep reminding myself? It's a natural human function... breathing in and then exhaling. I suppose I just don't feel... natural without him with me. He once suggested the possibility that we were soul mates. I think he was right, 'cause I can't breath now.

Breath in, breath out.

Will I be able to carry on without him? Will I be able to watch them bury him once more, this time for good? Will I be able to walk back into that office without breaking down and crying... will I be able to breath?

Breath in, breath out.

I suppose I do have something left of him... in his child. She has his eyes. She's closing them now... unaware of what I'm feeling. I'm feeling nothing... no joy, no sorrow. I think everything canceled everything else out. I can't feel him anymore.

Breath in, breath out.

I lay my baby next to me on the bed. I never saw this coming... it wasn't supposed to end this way. We were supposed to live happily ever after. Prince and princess, forever like that. But, my prince has left me... actually, he never came.

Breath in, breath out.

We never were completely able to tell each other how we really felt. There was a sort of mutual feeling of love when he returned... but it was never verified... never made official by either of us. I wonder if he knew...

Breath in, breath out.

I knew he loved me. He had the guts to tell me that, once. I didn't get to say good-bye, even. I was rushed out of there like some... bomb about to explode. He simply shoved me into Kryceck's arms and let me go. I didn't get to say good-bye.

Breath in...

But, I did love him! I need him! He can't be gone!

...breath out.

Here's Monica now. She thinks she can provide comfort. When was the last time she lost her soul mate? She puts her arm around me only causing more tears... more pain.

Breath in, breath out.

He isn't coming back this time. No miracle cure... no alien vaccine can save him from his fate. And, nothing can save me. He saved me... that was his final act. He sacrificed himself for me. Oh, God...

Breath in, breath out.

She leaves now. She knows she can't help much. This is too deep, even for her. I think it hurts her to see me so pained, so aggrieved... so alone. I am alone, now. I am alone.

Breath in, breath out.

Alone...

~*The End*~


Author's Notes: I actually cried learning that DD wasn't coming back as Mulder. I don't think CC will kill him off again... just yet.- but, I guess this story shows how I felt, how I feel, knowing we won't have Mulder on Sunday nights anymore. I'll miss him! (Man, the show really IS dying!)


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