Title: How I Told Him
Insert standard "Chris Carter owns Mulder, Scully, and Skinnner" disclaimer

He’d been gone for six months. Six months. Six long lonely months. It wasn’t his fault. They took him from me and left me all alone. They tortured him, sliced and punctured his skin. During all this I searched for him, along with my new partner. John didn’t believe that they took him. He was a skeptic, just like I used to be, before all of this happened. Now as I sit in this chair, rubbing my oversized belly, and holding Mulder’s gray hand as he lies in his hospital bed, I wonder to myself how I’m going to tell him. How I’m going to tell him about the miracle inside of me, the being who was never supposed to be.

The respirator puffs air in and out of his lungs, the heart monitor beeps like the rhythm of a heart. It’s the heartbeat of the man I never thought would be my lover. Lover? That’s not the right word. We weren’t lovers in the widely understood meaning of the word. We were friends, best friends some would say. Driven by our work to seek the truth. Pushed together by our trust, love, and care for each other.

Beep. Beep. Beep. That’s a sound I never thought I’d hear again. Not from the body of this man. This man that I have come to realize is the one for me. The one I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl. He was taken from me and now he’s back. But he may leave again. His body has been invaded by a force not seen.

As I sit her looking at his dark gray face, holding his warming hand, I wonder if he’ll ever wake up. If he’ll ever get to see the gift he’s given me. If he’ll ever know how much I love him for it, even if it was just an accident. We never meant for it to happen. We were vulnerable to each other. Hurt that the procedures to allow me to conceive did not work.

For years I never accepted the fact that I might never be able to have children. Mulder told me he had found my ova. I had them tested. The doctor said they were viable and that we could start the invitro procedures, but that I needed a donor. Someone who would agree to be my baby’s father, but not necessarily have to be a father to him, or her. I didn’t want it to be just anyone. It had to be someone I knew and trusted. So I asked Mulder.

It was a little awkward at first, but Mulder agreed to help. I don’t know if he knew, but I asked him because I loved him. I had come to accept the fact that I was in love with him. I didn’t ask him to rein him in, to trap him. He was the only one whose child I wanted to have.

Mulder donated his sperm and the doctors implanted my eggs with them. But nothing happened. I thought I was to be barren forever. I came home one evening from the doctor’s to find Mulder on my couch.

“Scully?” he said, rising from the couch. “I must’ve dozed off. I was waiting for you to get back.“

I couldn’t speak. I was too hurt. I walked toward him with tears in my eyes. He knew something was wrong.

“It didn’t take, did it?” His face filled with sadness. If it was just for me or for the both of us, I couldn’t tell.

“I guess it was too much to hope for,” I told him, my lip quivering. He hugged me as if to say he was sorry. Sorry that my dreams had not come true. Our dreams, maybe. Tears spilled out onto my cheeks. “It was my last chance,” I managed to get out. I couldn’t see his face but I knew he was hurting for me. We stopped hugging but were still in each other’s arms. I closed my eyes as Mulder kissed my head. He did that often that often.

“Never give up on a miracle,” he said, our foreheads pressed against each other. We stayed like that for a few seconds then I kissed him on his cheeks as a thank you for caring enough to help me through this ordeal. We hugged again. After a moment, I laid my head on his chest and cried some more. He patted my hair with one hand and held me with the other.

“Never give up on a miracle,” he said, our foreheads pressed against each other. We stayed like that for a few seconds then I kissed him on his cheeks as a thank you for caring enough to help me through this ordeal. We hugged again. After a moment, I laid my head on his chest and cried some more. He patted my hair with one hand and held me with the other.

“Scully, I’m sorry,” he said after a while. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I replied. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry that I caused this to happen to you. If it weren’t for me, you’d probably have the family you so desperately want.” I could feel the vibrations of his voice through the top of my head. He felt guilty. But it wasn’t his fault. I looked him in the eyes and told him so.

“How can you say that?” he asked me. “Nearly every bad thing that has happened to you since you met me is because of my determination to find out to the truth about Samantha.”

“Mulder, it’s not your fault,” I told him again. “I stayed with you because I wanted to. I enjoyed your company. I liked learning secrets and things that other people don’t know about.”

“But Scully, what about Melissa’s death? That wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me.”

“Mulder, you nor I had any control over that or what or what happened to me. Whatever they did to me, they made sure that I would not conceive...and they succeeded.” And I sobbed. The pain was unbearable and I couldn’t stop crying. We hugged again. I heard Mulder sniffling. We were both hurting over this. As two people who were driven by their work, who would never be able to settle down for too long a time, a baby was the one thing that would get us moving in the right direction.

“I’m sorry, Scully. I didn’t mean to upset you by bringing up your sister.” I didn’t respond. Instead, I thought about when Melissa and I were kids and we used to play with our dolls, pretending they were our babies. I wiped my eyes and walked over to the window. I opened it and a cool breeze blew in my face, drying my tear-stained cheeks. I saw a woman pushing her child down the street. I tried not to cry. Really I did. But it was just too much. I closed my eyes and hung my head.

“Scully, you ok?” Mulder asked me. Thought it was a lie, I nodded. Then I turned around to look at him and shook my head no. We embraced yet again. I sobbed. Mulder wasn’t really crying just sniffling. He was sad for me. We stood there a while hugging, rocking back and forth. Then I did something I never thought I would do. I kissed him. Right on the lips. No shame, no embarrassment. And he kissed be back.

I don’t know really know what it was that made me do that. But I did and it felt right. And we just kept kissing. Eventually one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. I won’t lie. I enjoyed it. Who wouldn’t? But I didn’t say anything after. Neither did he. We just lay there under the sheets motionless, contemplating on the evening’s events.

“What did we just do?” Mulder said out loud, not particularly to me.

“I don’t know,” I responded. I mean, of course we knew what we had done. We ha sex. But he was asking more on a philosophical level.

“I guess we comforted each other the best way we knew how, Mulder.” I couldn’t see the look on his face because it was dark, but I guessed he felt just like I did. A little embarrassed for throwing ourselves at each other like we were lovesick teenagers in some sappy movie.

“So…what do we do now?” he asked me.

“I don’t know,” I reply casually. Actually, I preferred that we’d become more than just friends, but the FBI was against partners becoming romantically involved with each other. “But I don’t want to act like nothing happened.”

“Scully, that’s the last thing I want, but…”

“But you think it’s best.” I said interrupting him.

“I think so…yeah. When it’s right, something will happen…again. You’re not hurt are you?”

“No.” I wasn’t. He was right and I knew it. And from that day on, we never mentioned it again. We didn’t ignore it either. We didn’t do what we said we would. And were closer than we had ever been before. Now six months later, I’m pregnant and he’s dying all over again.

I’ve prayed over and over again for him to return, but I didn’t expect it to be like this. Not with him half-dead and on life support. Not with him in a coma-like state, never to wake up.

I hear the door to the room opening. I look up to see who it is. It’s Agent Doggett. He has a look on his face; I can’t describe it.

“You can’t do this to yourself,” he says. Oh, yes I can. I need to.

“You asked me not to come in here, Agent Doggett; I hope you’re not asking me to leave.” Because I won’t. Not unless Mulder can leave with me.

“Concerns for your well-being, Agent Scully. That’s all it’s ever for. I felt this was a bad idea from the start. I told the Assistant Director so. Worrying about the effect it might have on you.” The effect it might have on me?

“You mean finding Mulder alive?” I’m glad he’s alive. There’ s no need to worry about me, even if Mulder does slip away.

“I know you came in with the doctors. I’m sure you asked them what his chances are.” I’m a little confused. And a little angry. I don’t need him to protect me from anything. As much as I hate to, I let go of Mulder’s hand and stand to meet Doggett face to face.

“Agent Doggett, however I felt about you when we first met, you changed my opinion with the quality of your character and of your work. Now I am thankful for to know you and I am thankful for your concern….” I pause to take a breath and to get the words right. Agent Doggett looks hurt by what I just said but I must continue.

“But no matter what Mulder’s chances are, the choice not open up that grave was wrong. And not because of me personally but as my partner on the X-Flies. Now the truth may hurt, but it’s all that matters.”

“What truth?” he asks. I guess I didn’t make clear what I meant.

“About what caused this.” We have a moment of silence before a nurse bursts into the room.

“You’ve gotta come quickly!” she tells us. “It’s Billy Miles!” Doggett and I rush out of the room after the woman and she points down the hall. We look. There’s Billy standing around naked, looking confused. He should be. He doesn’t know where he is. I guess he shed his skin. When he was admitted to the hospital, he was unconscious and his skin looked like ground beef when it’s been cooking for a few minutes.

The nurse gets him a blanket and ushers him back into his room. She leaves Doggett and me alone with Billy to ask him about his experience.

“I don’t really remember all that much of anything,” he says. I see the expression on his face. I know that look all too well. It’s confusion from trying to remember pieces of your past, when someone took you away from everyone and everything you’ve ever known to do things that you that you couldn’t stop.

I’m looking at X-ray film on Billy Miles when AD Skinner walks in. “Hi.” he says, disturbing my constant thoughts of Mulder.

“Hi,” I say softly.”

“Nobody called me about Billy.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I really am. My mind is working overtime right now. It’s full of theories and changing emotions and memories. And my feet hurt. Never wear heels when you’re pregnant and have swollen feet. Big mistake. I need a chair, but more important things first.

Skinner senses my uneasiness about what I’m about to tell him.

“What, this is incredible.”

“It’s too incredible,” I tell him. “Sir, there isn’t a piece of medical data on him that isn’t 100% normal.”

“Why are questioning that, when it could mean that the doctors are wrong about Mulder?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense.” Really. It doesn’t. It’s mind-boggling. “I mean, there should be blood, fluid, electrolyte imbalances, loss of brain function, but as it is, it’s like he shed his skin and literally became a new person. And I don’t mean the same person.”

“What are the chances this could be due to an alien influence?” What? Where did this come from? “Could it be a virus?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Does he know something I don’t? “Sir,” I say, “if you know something…” He doesn’t answer. It’s like he’s not sure that he should. “Look, we are working around the clock here. This, this could happen to Mulder. And until we know what it is, we have to do everything to control it.”

“There may be a vaccine,” he finally says. I ask him where. “It doesn’t come without a price.” I don’t get it. What could be worth risking Mulder’s life?

“This is about saving a man’s life!” I can’t believe after all we have been through, he’s not going to help save Mulder.

“Yes, it is. Whatever this ‘price’ is, it’s bothering Skinner. I don’t want to know what it is. Maybe it’s best that I be kept in the dark on this one.

“Sir, you have to.” He leaves but doesn’t say anything more. He doesn’t look to happy with what he has to do. Should I reconsider? No. I need Mulder. With every fiber of my being I need him. I need him to survive. I need him to wake up and be here with me.

It’s been hours since I told Skinner to get the vaccine. A lot has happened since then Agent Doggett met up with Absalom, a man who has information about the people who were abducted during the same time Mulder was. He told Doggett that what had happened to Billy Miles was that he was being turned into an alien, that it was a conspiracy against us to conquer our world. I told him that I was getting a surgical team prepared to stabilize Mulder while we gave him the vaccine Skinner was going to get. I don’t know where he went after that. I was in the OR with the doctors when a nurse came in calling my name. She told me that someone had unplugged Mulder’s life support but that he was breathing on his own. I found out later that it was Skinner. He told me about his encounter with Alex Krycek in Mulder’s hospital room. He told me why he did what he had done. I was upset by this of course, having no knowledge of the fact that one of the two people I loved most in the world would have to die. But I don’t believe Krycek for a minute.

Mulder is doing just fine. Since we were unable to get the vaccine, which probably wasn’t a real vaccine in the first place, we gave Mulder anti-virals. Big surprise that they worked, right? He’s pink now. Not his normal color, but almost. His scars I can see more clearly now. Three symmetrical circles on each side of his face. His chest has a long one that starts from the bottom of his neck and ends right above his navel. I can only imagine what he had gone through. I hope he wasn’t awake when they did all this to him.

Beep. Beep. Beep. I love hearing that sound now. Mulder’s heart is beating. He’s breathing on his own. I’ve got tears in my eyes. I can’t wait for him to wake up. To look at his hazel green eyes and see my reflection in them. I know that he’s going to be okay.

I’ve been sitting here in this chair, this time on Mulder’s right side, for about 2 ½ hours. It seems like longer. My butt is sore but I don’t care. My mind keeps wandering to the good times we shared, and some bad times. I remember when I was in the hospital all those times and Mulder was there at my side. We’ve been through a lot these past eight years, and I thank God that I’ve lived through all of it.

A movement interrupts my thoughts. It was quick, but I saw it. I felt it. His hand moved. Mulder’s hand moved! I look at his face. His head is moving. He’s waking up!

“Mulder.” I whisper, trying to get his attention. He opens his eyes and looks at me. “Hi.” I can’t help but smile at him.

“Who are you?” he asks me with a raspy voice. I feel my face distort. What did they do to him? How could he not remember me? Can God be so cruel as to bring him back but not have him remember me? I’m hurt I won’t lie. I feel more tears surfacing. I try to tell him who I am, but nothing comes out. Then Mulder smiles at me. He was just kidding. Oh, I could kill him for that! Not really. Just a figure of speech.

I chuckle. “Don’t do that to me,” I say with my head lowered with embarrassment. I look back at his eyes. ”Do you know…do you have any idea what you’ve been through?”

“Only what I see in your face,” he says a second later. I smile amidst my tears, happy to see is handsome face alive with life, happy to hear his voice, a sound that I longed to hear ever since I found out that he had been taken. I tussle his hair a little, not knowing what else to do. Since I can’t really hug him, I lay my head on his chest.

“Anybody miss me?” I laugh at his joke. Mulder, forever the jokester. I sometimes envy his ability to joke during serious situations. I can’t see his face but I know he’s smiling.

Agent Doggett comes in, but backs out when he sees Mulder and me. He doesn’t want to interrupt our overdue reunion. I close my eyes and inhale the familiar scent of Mulder’s body. There’s so much that I want to say to him, but later. Right now we just need to bask in each other’s existence. He’s tired, I know. He’s been through an amazing ordeal. He needs his rest. I need some too. I feel my eyelids close. Then darkness.

I think I hear Mulder calling me but I'm not sure. I'm to tired to care.

"Ms. Scully? Ms.Scully?" I open my eyes and see an Asian man. It's Mulder's doctor, Mr. Lee.

"Yes?" I respond. I take in my surroundings. Mulder's awake and there's a nurse behind me.

"I have to examine Mr. Mulder."

"Can't she stay?" Mulder asks. I can't see his face because the nurse is blocking my view.

"It's okay, Mulder. I need to go to the bathroom anyway." The doctor helps me out of the chair and I waddle to the door. I don't like to waddle. I feel like a penguin. I open the door and look back at Mulder. Good, he didn't see me. I don't want him to find out by seeing me walking out of the room.

I head for the restroom to relieve my bladder. I haven't been since before Mulder woke up so you can imagine how bad I have to go. As I'm washing my hands, I look at my hair. It could use a little brushing. Since I don't have a brush, Iuse my hands and wash them again.

I go to the cafeteria to past time. Besides, I'm hungry and I need cover my stomach when I go back to Mulder's room. I pay for my food: two fruit cupe, a bowl of corn, and a bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy. Not a lot for a pregnant woman, but there's only so much room on a tray. I sneak the tray back to Mulder's room meeting Skinner along the way.

I let him go in first since the tray isn't doing a good job of hiding my secret. The doctor's are gone and Mulder looks a little tired, but less than before.

"Agent Mulder," Skinner says, extending his hands to Mulder's. Mulder shakes it as best he can.

"Hey, Skinman," he replies with a smile. "Long time no see."

"How you doing, Mulder?"

"Other than the fact that I look and feel like I've been smacked with a Mack truck, fine."

I hide behind Skinner and slowly ease myself into the chair, pulling the bed tray from the wall in front of me. Mulder and Skinner chitchat while I devour my food. I hear Mulder say I'm eating like a race horse. Skinner just chuckles. And that bring me back to my original question.

How do I tell him? I can't wait until he's ready to go home because he would have noticed by then. I'll just wait until Skinner leaves. He doesn't need to be here.

I've finished my dinner, but I'm still a little hungry. Darn. I should have gotten some juice.

Skinner leaves a few miutes later and Mulder and I are alone. I open my mouth to start the conversation but a nurse walks in to check on Mulder and to bring me a pillow and a foot stool.

"Special treatment, Scully?"

"Not exactly, Mulder." I put my feet on the stool and a grunt escapes my mouth.

"You okay?"

"Uh, yeah." I grimace again and I bring my hand up to my stomach. The baby is kicking me. I lean my head back and close my eyes.

"Scully, you look tired."

"I am," I say with a sigh. "But there's something I need to tell you." I pause and I see his face has turned serious.

"Don't worry, it's nothing too serious. In fact, I think you'll be happy about it."

"What is it?" he asks in a whisper. He sounds restless. Maybe I should tell him later. No, get it over with. I look at my hands and play with my fingers. Why am I so nervous? Mulder will be happy for me.

"Mulder,...I'm pregnant." And that was how I told him.

The End

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