Title: Some Gift
Author: RocketMan
Written: May 1999
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No fringe intended.

Summary: Post-EMILY::::::SPOILER FOR US5::::::::

Dedicated to Anne, for this poem and the encouragement.


"To Evan"

"I wanted to give him some gift,
The breath of my breath, the look of my eyes...
Small child dying slowly,
With brave blue intelligent eyes...

Tenacious life in this little form
That will soon vanish from it entirely...
Breath of my breath, the look of my eyes,

This is all upon earth, under heaven
I can give him, a child dying, and I unwise...
Farewell, fair spirit...

I pass away silently and see him no more."

~Richard Eberhart


It was awful, the way her body was so still on the bed and lying there limp even though, techincally, she was still alive.

No smiles even before this, so no smiles now.

She hadn't even looked faintly amused when Mulder had cracked the Potato face on her in an attempt to show Scully that he was cool with the idea of her having a daughter, when in fact it scared him crazy.

Scully did not equate with a little three-year old in his mind.

But watching through the door, acting as both a guard and perhaps, father, he could feel the lifelessness of the place, of the tiny child unmoving in there.

Scully was draped across her as if she could shield Death's greedy hands from her little girl.

He rose and opened the door and she jerked awake, raising up and blinking and twisting to see him.

She did not move from her place on the bed, but sat dry eyed there, watching him just as he had been watching her.

"I wish it could be different." he said.

She gave him a withering look that made him wince.

"Sorry, I'm not too sure what to say, Scully."

"She's dying, Mulder. She's mine yet she's not mine and she's dying because of it. She didn't ask to have this happen to her... "

"I know. I know. And I wish ... I wish you could take her home, raise her with all that love I see in you."

Scully kind of reeled away from his words and placed a shaking hand to Emily's forehead. "She keeps getting hotter and hotter. I give her the baths that are supposed to take her temp down, but nothing works, Mulder. Nothing works. I can't do anything to help her. She's my little girl and I'm a doctor, but I'm powerless."

He crawled up and sat down beside her, placing one hand on Emily's leg, and the other reached for Scully's fingers.

If things were normal, or hell, if Emily were just okay, he'd offer to help raise Emily, help get her custody and build a real life.

He needed a real life and so did she. A real life before this all got crazy and way too much for them.

A new nurse walked in, her face so fresh Scully bet she had just graduated from nursing school that morning. The woman had put on a falsely sad face that showed she had not been working in Peadiatric ICU for long.

"Ms. Scully, I-. Oh. Is this your husband? Emily's father?"

The look of fake pity given to him made his stomach curl and he felt like throwing the idiot out of the entire hospital, but mostly it was his grief thinking.

Scully said nothing so neither did he and he got the feeling she was trying to unnerve fresh face.

"Anyway, Mr. and Ms. Scully. It appears that Emily's heart rate is going down and well ... she doesn't have long."

To hear such awful news from such an insensitive woman made Mulder half rise to slap her, but Scully put a hand on his arm and he simply stared murderously at fresh face until the woman left.

He turned to Scully and caught her just as she fell toward him, trembling.

"It's not right, this isn't right at all." she said.

He admired her for still being there, let alone the way she was letting all this swirl around in her. She normally didn't allow emotions to surface, but tonight, he had the rare gift of seeing Dana.

He'd give it back if it meant having Emily.

"Oh Mulder, I'm so sorry."

Her words did not make sense and he simply watched her run her fingers through Emily's sweaty hair.

"If someone told me that by killing myself, I'd save her, I'd do it. I'd kill myself and not even think about it."

He felt his heart split.

He grabbed her shoulders and held her close to him, supporting her even as she slumped into herself.

"If you did, Scully. I'd take care of her. I would devote my life to it."

She glanced up at him and he saw the struggle across her face to not simply bawl in front of him.

"I know," she whispered.

He saw the stray tears squeeze from her eyes and the way her glance always flickered to the heart moniter, to make sure. He decided he should leave.

"I'll let you be alone." he whispered, and moved to stand.

She grabbed his hand.

"Please don't leave me," she whispered.

It was about the smallest gift he could give her right now, but also the only one within his power.

He sat back down on the other side of Emily, holding one of Scully's hands as she clasped a slack one of Emily's and he did the same.

"We're her family, right now," Scully said.

He could tell she wished it were true with all her heart.

He nodded painfully, but willingly bought into the delusion.

"We're her family."

And then, he watched his little girl die.


end

adios

RM

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