Title: Silent Night
Author: TheHouseWitch
Authorlink: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/3697451/
Category: X-Files
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: G
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Everything belongs to its respectable owners.

Summary: In the silent night on Christmas Eve William lies awake and thinks of his birthparents. Meanwhile Scully thinks about the past and confronts Mulder of her fears. A simple one-shot, post I Want to Believe.

A/N: I haven't been involved with this fandom for years, but the other day this idea came to mind and I decided to sit down and write it. If there are any factual errors (from the show), which shouldn't be, I apologize in advance.

Unfortunately I couldn't finish this before Christmas Eve, but Christmas lasts until 13. January. I hope you like my little story, it was great exploring Mulder and Scully again.

Thank you for reading.

-HW


Silent Night

24. December, 2012

Fairfax County, Virginia

11: 54 P.M.

The starry sky hovered like a blanket over the fair countryside, the large farm stood like a lantern in the midst of the vast land that belonged to the owners. It was completely silent, its owners fast asleep, except for one.

A young boy lay in his bed; hands cradled under his head, and stared at the ceiling. He had pushed the plush covers away; the soft material lay crunched on the floor in an untidy heap. That wasn't an unusual sight; he was always warm.

He knew that he should be asleep by now, but his thoughts were elsewhere, depriving him of sleep. It happened sometimes, his thoughts were so busy that he couldn't sleep, then he would stare at the ceiling and think until he would fall asleep.

That night his thoughts were not centered on Christmas presents, or what he would find in his stocking like most other children his age did. That night he thought of people he didn't even know.

He didn't think often about his biological parents. He had parents who loved him unconditionally, but that night he found his thoughts reach for the people that had given birth to him, the people who had given him away.

There were very few things he knew. He was born on May 24th, 2001. The other information were merely tiny fragments that provoked more questions than answers.

William, that was the name they had given him, the only thing that connected him to people he didn't remember. He had been about one years old when his parents adopted him. They didn't want to keep things from him, it wasn't as if they could have kept it a secret for long, he didn't look anything like his adoptive parents. He was tall for his age, much like his father said he had been, but his father had been a chubby child whereas he was lanky and thin. He had dark brown hair, and grey eyes, his father had light brown hair and his mother was raven haired, both of them had brown eyes. He had thin features, a nose he hadn't yet grown into that was speckled with tiny freckles, and curious eyes filled with life. So much unlike his adoptive parents that it was never a doubt that he didn't share their genetics.

His father lived for their farm, it was his life's work, and his mother helped him as much as she could. William did not share his father's interest for farming. His interests lay in math, and science, which were the courses he enjoyed the most at school. He didn't care much for sports. His dad was a big baseball and football fan, but he didn't care much for it. He did love comic books, and movies just like the average boy his age.

He was in every sense just a normal eleven year old boy, who lived a very calm and carefree life. He enjoyed school all right, and was a little bit more ambitious than many of his friends, but he was far from being serious. He was a bit of an introvert, and had few but close friends.

Even though he wasn't any different than any other kids his age, he did feel different in many ways. He always felt like there was something missing, like there was some information about his past he needed to know. His parents had told him that it was completely normal to feel like that. It was normal to want to know where you come from.

The truth was that he had accepted that he was adopted a long time ago. He couldn't have been luckier; his parents were in every sense of the word the kindest people on earth. Whoever his birth mother was, he did not doubt that he could only count himself lucky that his parents had found him.

But he did have his questions. He didn't really want to know why his biological parents had given him up, he was sure that he didn't want to know the answer.

He just wanted to know where he came from.

William turned in his bed, and stood carefully up, carful not to make a sound. He walked silently towards his window, sat on the windowsill, and looked at the starry sky.

Maybe they were somewhere thinking about him and what he was doing. Sometimes he imagined how his biological parents looked like. Did he share his mother's eyes, or maybe his father's? Did his interest in science come from them or did they come from himself? Did he share something with people he didn't even know? Did they even care?

Those were the questions he had asked himself several times, but never found the answers. Maybe he wasn't meant to know. Perhaps it was for the best.

His parents always told him that his biological parents had loved him, but for some reason couldn't keep him. They said that God had sent him to them, and for that they were grateful every day. He hoped they were right.

He did want to believe that they couldn't keep him even though they wanted to. He wanted to believe that he had been loved.

At least he hoped that they were safe, and with all his heart wished that they had the same happiness he had in his life.

He lowered his head and said a small prayer, a prayer for the people who had given him life, and a wish that one day he might get his answers.

He crawled back into bed, and closed his eyes, finally allowing sleep to carry him into dreams filled with hope.


Miles away a person was staring at the same moon, the same stars, thinking about not so different things.

Her blue eyes tracked down the twinkling stars, her hands forming a sign of prayer. She didn't turn around, or show any sign of acknowledgement when she heard heavy footsteps behind her, but the way her eyes lit up and the corners of her mouth turned slightly upwards, showed that she did indeed sense his presence. She could always tell when he entered the room; there was something about him that made her heart flutter, and her skin tingle by the mere thought of him.

The footsteps stopped not too far from where she was sitting. Neither of them said anything, both thinking about similar things, knowing without a second thought what the other one was thinking.

She didn't even know why she couldn't sleep that night, but eventually the silence of the room granted her unwanted thoughts of all things past. When she couldn't take it anymore she sat up and went downstairs, not even knowing what to do. She walked past the lit Christmas tree, and into the kitchen to make some tea. That was when she felt the pull to step outside and look at the stars.

It wasn't very common for her to do. Mulder was usually the one who did the star gazing, the one who sat on the porch and let his mind wander, but that evening she stepped out on the dully lit porch and looked at the stars above, thinking about things she rarely allowed herself to think about.

She should have known that Mulder would notice sooner rather than later that her side of the bed was empty.

Somehow she felt the need to open herself to him, to express the hidden feelings that had been brewing for far too long.

"For too long I've been scared that something would happen. Then the day comes and you realize that all your fears are based on nothing more than a lie."

Her voice was barely above a whisper, the wind carrying her voice into the night.

"I know."

"I was so scared that something would happen, and yet…." She stopped and sighed heavily. He stepped beside her and lowered himself on the porch, placing his hand soothingly on her back. He didn't whisper words of comfort; he just sat there and listened to her pour her heart out.

"You know, I never thought I would see him ever again, but there was always a chance that if everything was true that we might reunite." She bit her lip, not daring to look at him.

"Selfishly I wanted, deep inside, to see him again. Even though it would only be brief. I would just see him, and touch him, and know that he's all right."

"But nothing happened." She continued. "And now I'm left feeling this huge guilt, and all I can think of is that I made a horrible mistake."

She couldn't deny the tears anymore and let them run freely. If she was afraid of anything that was that Mulder would never forgive her for what she did. She gave up her only child, not only hers but Mulder's. A being that shouldn't even exist, but did, and now he was somewhere in the comfort of someone else's home. He was probably fast asleep; looking forwards to opening presents from people that were for all intents and purposes, their child. He wasn't hers or Mulder's, yet he had his place in her heart.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and slowly she was pulled into his embrace. He didn't whisper words of comfort, but his warm embrace gave her more comfort than any words could. He kissed the top of her head, and stroked her shoulder while she let out every sorrow, every grief she felt.

After she had cried for what felt like hours, she felt him shift and bring his hand to her chin, forcing her to look at him. Any fear of revulsion or anger from his part washed away when she saw the deep understanding in his eyes.

He kissed her softly on the lips, telling her how much he loved her and that he didn't hold any grudges. He didn't chastise her for not letting him in, or keeping her feelings away from him, instead he showed her just as much understanding as she would have given him.

She was the first one to break the kiss, and leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and she meant it, she was so sorry.

"Don't be."

Her lip quivered but she refused to cry again, instead she tried to enjoy the sensation of his presence beside her.

She opened her eyes when she felt something grace her lap. She looked down at the brown envelope in front of her, looking at Mulder quizzically.

"What's this?"

"I was going to give it to you later, but I think now is the right time."

Curiously she opened the envelope and frowned when she pulled a sealed file out. She tore the seal away and opened it carefully. She gasped when she saw what it was.

In the file was a collective of information about a boy named William Anthony Van de Kamp. She looked at Mulder who nodded his head subtly.

She read the whole thing, gaining information she thought she would never receive. William was raised on a farm, his father was a farmer, and his mother ran a small shop that sold products worked from the farm. William was now in sixth grade, and was a part of the baseball team. She soaked in the information, and when she was finished she looked at Mulder in awe.

"How did you…." She trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"All you have to know is that he's all right. He lives a good life because you gave it to him."

She opened her mouth but no words came out. She wanted to thank him, but she wasn't sure how to feel about this.

"When he's eighteen, he has a choice. He's allowed access to information about his birth parents, and if he wants he can contact us. I wouldn't count on it, and I surely wouldn't dare to hope, but at least we know that when that day comes, he has a choice."

"I just want him to know how much he was loved, and how much I regret letting him go."

"William will always be with us. Don't live with any doubt that you were an amazing mother. You did what you thought was safe."

"But what if it wasn't? What if I made the wrong choice?" She chocked on the last words, and looked away. The sorrow of losing her son would never fade; even time could not heal those wounds.

"No Scully, you didn't, you saved him, and that's what matters. I know you doubt, but know that there was no other choice."

"Wasn't there?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I could have protected him."

"We don't know that, and we never will, but don't ever think that you are a horrible person for your choice. I will always love and respect you no matter what you do. Don't ever doubt that."

"Do you think he's thinking about us?" She asked childishly.

"I don't know, but I do think that he's in a good place, and maybe he does think of us from time to time."

Scully nodded and laid her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know where I would be without you."

Mulder smiled sadly.

"Hopefully not with A.D. Skinner."

Scully chuckled, and rested her hand on his knee.

"No Mulder. I think our paths were meant to cross."

"At least we have each other. That is more than I could have ever hoped for."

Mulder squeezed her hand, and stood up.

"We should go to bed." He extended her hand for her to take.

Her hand grasped his, and pulled into his embrace. She kissed him softly, her hand secure in his.

Together they headed into their home. That night they fell asleep in each other's arms, unaware that William's wish had come true.




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