Summary: A tragedy overshadows a joyous occasion. Character dies **
"May she rest."
I lost her today. I watched her eyes as she left, those eyes of ice, the warm glaciers that so many times sparkled with intelligence and glee. The eyes that expressed her soul, her mirth, her fiery determination. The eyes that clouded over and rolled back into a deserted skull. Eyes that closed forever to the physical world in the dead of the light, only to reopen across the bar.
* ONE DAY BEFORE
She looked at me as I accidentally walked into the "women zone" and her eyes shone with laughter. I was quick to realize my faux pas, but I meant to walk in here, just to see my Scully this happy. She's as big as the proverbial house, the twins almost doubling her small frame. The women had planned this baby shower for weeks and Scully was in her maternal element. She has virtually glowed for the entire pregnancy, for the longest time, we had thought this impossible. Two years ago, Emily had broken her heart. In trying to repair the damage, we finally had come to terms with our feelings and in the words of the intrepid Lone Gunmen "gotten hitched".
We went to the doctors almost right away: we both wanted children and felt ready for them. Okay, I'll confess, *she* was ready for them. I wanted them but had my doubts over my own paternal instincts. The docs did extensive testing and figured out that she did have eggs left, her ovaries hadn't been completely stripped as we had previously thought,
but her Fallopian tubes were blocked as a result of the cancer treatment, her abduction or both. The said in vitro. We said yes.
The first three times had been unsuccessful and disappointments. The fourth time had been magic. Three fertilized eggs had attached themselves to the wall of the uterus and started to divide. One didn't make it and was reabsorbed, we'll never know what or who it could've been. The other two were our future children. Her mother was as ecstatic as we were. Dana's brother, on the other hand, was the prick that I's always been to me. I was convinced that I had misled Scully into marrying me, and tricked her into carrying our children. I still thought that Emily was actually mine.
The girls at the office reacted like any other female coworkers and planned this baby shower for my wife, two weeks before our children would arrive in this world. The Bureau had never had anything against our becoming involved and marrying. The F.B.I has always been family oriented when it came to its employees and as long as solve rates remained the same or went up, Dana and I could be partners for as long as we worked in the X-Files division.
The women in my living room started to tease me and, blushing, I made my way back into the kitchen. Dana's best friend Ellen was in there, getting some coffee.
I reached into the cabinet and got out a coffee mug for myself. I knew Scully would be up for a while arranging stuff in the nursery," Hi, Ellen. How much longer?"
She smiled and said, "Too much girl stuff, huh? Don't worry, Mulder, we're almost done. Besides, I don't think Dana can stay up much longer. Those kids are really taking a toll on her stamina. "
I nodded in reply, fully knowing what she meant. Scully couldn't get around much because she was carrying so much weight, mostly in front.
I wanted her to slow down, and she had, not because I had told her to, but because she had to.
"Well, I'm gonna go back out there. I don't want to miss her opening my gift," carrying the coffee, she made her way back into the living room.
True to their collective word, the ladies left within half an hour. I had wandered into the nursery, straightening things that had already been straightened a hundred times, wiping nonexistent dust off the crib rail, repositioning the lamp. I liked this room, with its natural tones and baby paraphernalia. I picked up a teddy bear that would be one of the babies'. I was excited, I could now admit it, and felt not anywhere ready, but willing to be a father. To see the lives I was responsible for, to care for my own blood, the combination of Scully and me in little real people, not what I had been imagining for years. I heard her footsteps behind me: she could no longer be quiet.
"Hey yourself. You know, you'll have to work on your stealth if you want to surprise me."
She whacked me playfully with a small pillow from the crib. "It's not fair to make fun of a pregnant lady. Especially your wife."
I nodded, properly chastised. I didn't stop, however, "Well, a house makes too much noise when it tries to walk around."
This earned me another whack and then she leaned up against me. "You okay with this, Mulder?"
I turn and put his arms around her in an attempted hug. I gazed into her eyes and tilted her chin up to face me, "Yes, I'm fine Dana. If anything, I'm impatient to get these guys out so that we can get you down to size."
She smiled against my chest and patted my back, "Now get me to bed, Mulder I can't stand up any longer."
I chuckled and helped her to the bedroom.
It was two-forty four that morning when the first contractions hit. Dana shook me, trying to wake me without panicking me. "Mulder, hey, Mulder. Wake up."
"Whazzit?" I mumbled into the pillow.
"It's time, Mulder."
"Not now, Dana, I'm tired. "
She bopped me upside the head, "No, Mulder. Get up. You have to drive me to the hospital. I'm having the babies."
"You have rabies? How'dja do that, Scully? Isn't that bad for the kids?" She sighed, frustrated, "Fine, I'm calling mom. She's sane."
As she lifted the phone from the cradle, I finally realized what she had said. I jumped off the bed, ran over to her side, grasped her shoulder and yelled, "Scully! You're having the babies!"
She looked at me with her cornflower blue eyes and said, "Duh."
I looked befuddled for only a moment and went on, undaunted. "Call your mom! I'll get the stuff," and
ran into the bathroom.
Scully called her mother and told her to meet her at Memorial, then got dresses. I came out of the bathroom, clad in jeans, polo shirt and sneakers, overnight bag in hand.
"Ready?" I asked unnecessarily.
"Let's go, G-Man."
* At the hospital, the trouble started. The pain became too intense too soon, and the ER docs got her into a delivery room while a nurse helped me scrub up. I shakily put on the green hospital wear and washed my hands as shown. The nurse took me into the room and I was promptly forgotten when the doors opened.
The first thing I noticed was the blood. It was everywhere. The doctors looked panicked themselves, frantic and the tension was palpable. I was bumped into a couple of times, but both times the was no "excuse me". The staff was too occupied with the delivery. "C-section!" one doctor shouted, and trays were wheeled about, set up. Dana was given a shot by the anesthesiologist. Her eyes locked with mine, blue with hazel. The eyes were filled with pain, worry and they conveyed her thoughts to me perfectly. She wanted her children to live. I saw the clouds move in on the pupils, the doctors yell as the bleeding got worse, and then her eyelids drooped down and covered those blue irises. It was then that a nurse noticed me and hustled me out so that they could continue.
I sat in the waiting room, knowing that this was supposed to be the happiest day in my life. It was shaping up to be the worst one. An hour later, a foursome of doctors approached me, faces neutral. I knew that it was bad, very bad. Doctors never gave good news in groups, it was a solo affair. I put his head in my hands, whispering, "No..." I didn't want to lose everything.
The senior doctor spoke, "Are you Mr. Mulder?"
I looked up, face holding the slightest hope, wishing, praying— "I'm sorry, Mr. Mulder, but the hemorrhaging created too much blood loss and we couldn't get her back. I'm sorry, sir, but your wife died. I need t---" I didn't hear the rest. It passed in a haze, Mrs. Scully holding me, comforting me, though she herself had lost a daughter. Me yelling at the doctors, saying it was their fault, fully knowing it wasn't. I'd never hold her again, see her, hear her, tease her, show her that I loved her...
It was Maggie that got my attention, "Mulder, the children made it."
My children. Dana's children. The ones she had given her life to. My children. "Where are they?" I asked, my voice hoarse from crying.
I made my way there, I didn't know how, but I found myself watching the through
the glass, looking at the two lives that were all that was left of my Scully. One child had wisps of her fire colored hair, the other a shock of chocolate brown, and when they open their eyes, it was her eyes that looked at me, her eyes that came alive.
It was a simple ceremony, a simple Mass, a simple burial. I held my children, baptized the day before, Katherine Ann and John Elijah. They didn't cry as their father did, nor did they cry as the priest intoned," And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever." The casket lowered, I tossed in the rose. I loved her still, and always would. I would see her in the children as they grew, in every defiance, in every triumph. She would be watching, waiting, until I joined her in good time, when the children had children of their own, her would look into her eyes again, and see the life reflected there.