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Title: Physical Pain III: Baby-sitting and Bumper Cars
Summary: Mulder has some troubles with electric cars and his hair. Not based on personal experiences, thank God. My apologies for writing another baby-sitting story. THANKS: Just THANKS in general. DEDICATION: This is for Jen. Happy birthday to one of two people who understand me. Sorry, no Gunmen. I'll write something real quick though. Frohike: Happy birthday, you nark! Byars: Well, yaaaaaah... Langly: Your kung-foo is the best. This is the third story in my "Physical Pain" series. The stories in this series aren’t linked, they’re just mainly stories in which Mulder and Scully deal with regular human diseases and/or pain. Besides, if these stories were linked plot wise, Mulder and Scully would have pretty horrible lives. NOTES: Mulder and Scully still have their office.
Fox Mulder balanced the folders he was holding in his hand and knocked on the door of his partner's apartment. This was not what he wished to be doing on a Friday night, he's rather be out at the "theater" seeing a "movie." But, as always, he had a case he wanted to finish, and better now than later. A frazzled Dana Scully answered the door. "Mulder! Thank God you're here!" She practically pulled him into her apartment. It was an absolute mess, the kitchen table was covered in playdough, finger paintings were drying in the hallway. The TV was blasting a child's cartoon show and Mulder thought he could just make out a blond head within the giant pile of toys. "Is this a bad time?" Mulder tried desperately to get rid of the files and make a dash for the door. "No! Not at all. Actually, I could use your help. They're quite a piece of work." Scully had lost her mind, she just knew it. Her Mother's church had had an auction, and after some arguing, Scully had been asked to donate something or some service. There really hadn't been a big choice of what she could give. Not many people wanted a free autopsy. Her mother had suggested a weekend of childcare, and she had finally agreed to the suggestion. Now the only problem was that the family she was watching had taken advantage of her offer. They had called and said they would be bringing over five kids. When she went to argue, they pointed out that Scully had put no limit on the number of children. Scully had called some of her old friends for help, but of course they all had their own children and didn't have time to give her a hand. It was time to turn to her back-up plan. Calling up Mulder and asking him to come over and look at some files with her seemed the perfect idea. Until she got him there, and then she was lost. Scully had decided to run out on him. Maybe he would become attached to the kids, or at least they could take a liking to him. Mulder sighed. "Scully, really, I don't want to intrude..." She laughed and picked up her purse from the table. "No, you won't at all. I have to errr... pick up some things at the grocery store, and I didn't want to bring them with me." "Scul..." The door shut in his face. Mulder couldn't believe it. He had been ditched, and with kids! Mulder looked down at the child that was tugging on the cuffs of his pants. "Who are you Mister, and what did I do wrong that Dana left me with you." Mulder groaned and closed his eyes. With a quick glance up at the ceiling, he reached down and picked the little boy up awkwardly in his arms. "I'm Dana's friend..." Mulder debated having the boy call him Mulder or Fox. "You can call me Mulder." "Mulder, what a *stupid* name!" Came the reply from the living room. Mulder glanced over at the ragged looking teenager on the couch. She glared back at him through wire-rimmed glasses. "Oh yeah? And what's yours?" Mulder didn't even attempt to mask the sarcasm in his voice. She rolled her eyes at him and turned back to the TV. "I don't have time for this... Homicide is on." He sighed and turned to the other kids in the room. Other than the little boy clinging to him, he only saw a large cradle in the corner of the room. He groaned. Babies. "Okee than, Mulder. Let's go play with the puppy." The boy, Ethan, pulled Mulder along by his arm to the door of Scully's bedroom. "Are you sure you're allowed to play with the puppy? Why would Dana shut the door if she didn't want you in there?" Ethan shook his head. "Nonono. I'm allowed to play with the puppy. I like the puppy." The little boy reached up with both hands to turn the doorknob. "Ah ah ah." Mulder tisked. "I don't think you're allowed to play with the puppy." "Am so!" "Are not." "Am so!" Ethan sat down on the floor and started to cry. He banged his fists on the wood panels. "Am so! You're MEAN!" "Now stop that... Shhhh... Stop...." Mulder tried frantically to quiet the hysteric child. "Would you like to have something to eat? Candy? Let's see what Dana has..." "Candy?" The child quieted and reluctantly followed Mulder to the kitchen. Mulder looked through the cupboards, finding nothing but a box of unsweetened cereal. Mulder turned back to the boy, only to find him gone. He heard Scully's bedroom door squeak open. "No!" Mulder ran down the hall and skidded to a stop just as the door opened all the way. Out bounded a large pile of flying dog hair. "Puppy!" Ethan shouted. "ARGH!" Mulder screamed as he toppled over into the small table in Scully's hall. "WHAAAAAAA!" Came the cry from the crib. Mulder almost broke into tears. He was *never* having kids. A half-hour later, things had calmed down. Mulder had convinced the teenager, who was still too paranoid to tell him her name, to take care of the baby, which had turned out to be *babies*. Mulder had just settled down into a game of "Candy Land" with his newfound buddy, Ethan. He picked up one of the color cards and moved again. "No! Not *there*, you have to move to a *red* space!" Ethan cried. Mulder almost laughed. Ethan was so fed up with him. They were about five minutes into the game when Scully came home. She came in slowly, trying as hard as possible not to attract any attention. Mulder looked up at her when her back was turned. He didn't know whether to be mad at her or simply ticked. "I wooooooon!" Ethan shouted, knocking Mulder roughly out of his thoughts. Ethan stood up and smiled at Mulder gleefully. "You real bad at playing games." "Oh yeah? Well then let's just see how you do at playing 'Memory.'" Scully interrupted then. She'd seen Mulder play "Memory" before, and his competitor didn't have a chance against his *photographic* memory. "How about we watch a movie?" "Homicide isn't over yet. You're gonna have to wait." The teenager looked at them menacingly. How dare they even suggest not letting her watch her show! "Then let's go get some snacks." Mulder stood up and stretched. Then headed towards the kitchen. He turned back to look at Scully, giving her a look. There was no way he was going to forgive her for ditching him. He mouthed, "I'll talk to you later." "You know any jokes, Mulder?" Ethan, Mulder and Scully sat at the kitchen table eating popcorn. "Well, let me see... Why did the chicken cross the road?" Mulder watched as Scully rolled her eyes at the word "chicken" not even waiting for the end of the joke. Then Ethan had rolled his eyes. "That's not a joke!" "Oh, and you can do better?" Mulder asked him. "Yes. Why did the Easter Bunny jump so high?" "Hmmmm... I don't know. Why did the Easter Bunny jump so high?" "Because he had heard there was candy in the clouds so he jumped up to get it. Like the clouds were marshmallows and stuff." Mulder laughed. "I think you got me there." "What movie did you rent?" Mulder sat down on Scully's couch and draped his arms over the back. Scully popped in the video and moved carefully back Mulder, stepping over the legs of the girl lying on the floor. She sat next to Mulder on the couch, and Ethan plopped down next to her. "I rented two, actually. One for us and one for them." Mulder groaned at the start of the feature presentation; The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars. Scully gently poked Mulder in the ribs with her elbow. Silently gesturing to the kids with her hand, Mulder noticed both had fallen asleep. Moving off the couch, he picked Ethan up in his arms and took him to Scully's spare bedroom. Scully followed and gently tucked the boy in. Mulder returned to the living room and shook the teen awake. "Bed time." She frowned at him, but made no reply as she retreated off to the spare room with her brother. Scully emerged from the back room and smiled at Mulder. "I should be getting home then, shouldn't I?" Mulder reached for his coat, but Scully grabbed his hand. "You were wonderful with the kids tonight, Mulder. I would really appreciate it if you would stay and help for the weekend." Mulder sighed, and then cursed himself for not being able to say no to Scully. "You can have my bed if you'd like. I can sleep on the couch." Mulder shook his head. "No, I'll take the couch. I can't stand beds." "You want to watch the other movie, or get some sleep?" Scully picked up the video and studied the label. "It's not that long." "What movie?" Mulder moved back to his place on the couch. "The City of Lost Children." Scully put in the movie and sat down. "What is it about?" "It's a foreign film." Scully smiled as she heard Mulder groan. Ethan yawned and stretched his legs. He heard the faint sound of people talking gibberish in the other room. "Où est la fenêtre, Miette!" He slowly got up out of bed, careful not to wake his sister. Padding softly down the hall in his slippers, he walked into the living room. Mulder was sleeping on the couch, with Dana curled at his side, apparently also asleep. "Miette! Miette!" Ethan glanced wearily at the TV which was talking baby talk. Booooring. He spotted his new toy cars on the floor. His father had bought them for him a week ago when he was on a business trip in Boston. They were remote controlled bumper cars that had little wheels on the bottom that enabled them to move in all directions. Ethan picked them up and spun them around. After a few minutes, Ethan had gotten sick of using the cars on the floor, and they kept falling off the table. Looking around, he spotted the perfect place to try next. Sure, they worked fine on flat surfaces, but what do they do when you put them in someone's hair? Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Mulder was having a bad dream. Well, it really couldn't be categorized as bad. It was more... weird. He was being attacked by a toaster, and for some reason, Scully had grabbed two handfuls of his hair and was trying to pull it out. Then the dream became more of a reality. Mulder opened his eyes. Scully wasn't pulling at his hair, she was sleeping peacefully with her head on resting his chest. And there was a horrible pain coming from his head. Reaching up his hand, he felt two rather large plastic lumps. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Mulder jumped up and tried to remove the torture devices. In his hurry, he had jolted Scully awake. She yawned, not bothering to open her eyes, "What is it?" Mulder screamed. Not a girlie scream, but... It matters who you ask. Scully opened her eyes and was torn between pity and humor. Mulder looked quite silly with two little flags poking out from behind his ears. But when she noticed the twisted look of pain on his face, it was all but funny. "Mulder! How the heck did you do that?" Scully jumped off the couch and moved to look at the cars. He winced as she pulled and tugged at them, but didn't complain. "It was one of those kids..." The teenager entered the room, "What is going on? All this yelling woke me up." She looked at Scully struggling with Mulder's hair and giggled. "Don't just stand there! Go find your brother, I have a few things to say to him." Mulder was surprised at how upset this had Scully. Scully struggled some more with the cars then noticed something. "Mulder, there's smoke and sparks under there!" "Scuuuuuuuuully!" Mulder wiggled on the chair. "Mulder, there isn't much I can do... I think I'll have to cut it out." "No! Scully, I am not that young, and I still have my hair. I'd like to keep it that way." Ethan trudged back into the room, followed by his sister. The teen tried her luck with the cars as Scully interrogated the boy. "Why did you put the cars on Mulder's hair?" Ethan fidgeted on the wooden chair. "Because your hair was too long." Scully sighed. "That wasn't a very good idea. Now I want you to apologize to Mulder, okay?" "Okay." Ethan trudged back across the kitchen to Mulder. His big sister kept pulling unsuccessfully at the cars. "Sorry." Ethan looked up at Scully, who was standing behind him. "What are you sorry for, Ethan. Tell Mulder." Ethan sighed and looked at his feet. "I'm sorry for putting my cars on your head." "That's better. Now, give Mulder a hug and go back to bed." Scully gave Ethan a little push towards her partner. Ethan hugged him awkwardly and headed for the bedroom. Scully turned back to the teen. "Go tuck your brother in. Then get me the pair of scissors I have in my medicine cabinet." She left, and Scully resumed work on Mulder's head. "Scully, you are not cutting my hair." "Mulder, I don't see any other way around it. Unless..." Scully twisted one of the cars and pulled hard. "Ouch!" Mulder yelled. "God, Scully!" "It worked, Mulder!" Scully showed him the top of the car. The wheels had been left behind and she quickly removed them. "Get the other one out." Mulder reached a hand up to rub his head where the care had been removed. Again, Scully twisted and pulled, and again, the car came off. They both gave a little shout of joy. It must not have been that little, because the kids came running. Scully beamed and held up the broken parts. Mulder smiled and rubbed his sore head. The teenager just stared at them, bored as usual. Ethan broke into tears. "You broke my cars!" The End Well, that's it. I haven't a clue what the next one will be about.
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