Title: Never Meant To Be
Author: XXandie
Rated: PG
Category: VRA
Spoilers: Emily
Keywords: MSR. It is very little, so I classify this as `Noromo friendly.'
Archive anywhere.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, and Emily belong to CC, 1013 Productions, and FOX, Inc. No infringement is intended, and no money is being made, although it would make it easier to pay my bills .

Summary: No summary. That would spoil everything.




It didn't take long. Not long at all for her to bear entry into my heart.

She took my heart by storm. She stole it without even giving me a chance to stop her.

I was helpless against her charm.

I guess that's why Scully loved her so much after such a short, brief meeting. They had such a special bond, like the one between a mother and daughter should be.

But Emily, poor Emily, was the child that was never meant to be.

She lies here in my arms. It is not the embrace of lovers, but one that holds special healing powers. It is an embrace that keeps back the demons, the nightmares, the memories.

She moans, long and listlessly. Her arm twitches against my back.

I must hold her tighter.

Emily. Poor Emily, the child that was never meant to be.

I see her and her mother in my head, coloring the picture of a potato. I still laugh, seeing the instant joy in her eyes when I made that Mr. Potato-Head face.

I guess I had the same charm on her that she had on me.

And Scully, beautiful Scully, who sat beside her daughter, watching her so intently, basking in the joys of parenthood. I spend hours trying to contemplate how Scully must have felt, knowing that she had a child, and yet never giving birth to her. Maybe it was a dream come true.

Maybe it was a nightmare.

I don't know if I'll ever know. I don't know if I should ever know.

In time, Scully will have her chance at motherhood.

I fight myself, beat myself up for never telling Scully about her ova. I was only trying to protect her, her interests, her self-being.

Is it my fault that she can never bear her own children? That somewhere out there, Dr. Calderon has another baby with the Scully DNA, with my Dana Scully's DNA?

I find myself thinking about finding that baby, to give it to Scully and complete the happiness she deserves.

Even if it was a clone.

She doesn't know it, but I would have helped her raise Emily. I would help her raise any baby that was hers, adopted or not.

I wonder who the father was?

The concept of becoming a father has never been at the forefront of my life.

I always fancied myself a bachelor. Getting laid was just a wonderful perk.

But with Emily and Scully, I found myself thinking about having my own children. I wanted to be a part of the caring dynamics of their blooming relationship.

I wanted to be wanted, to be loved unconditionally like that.

I wanted Scully.

I wanted Emily.

I still want that.

I am selfish.

Oh, Emily. You were the child that was never meant to be.

Scully was the father and the mother. Technology is wonderful and scary.

Scully awakes from her slumber.

She stares up at my tired, blurred eyes.

She's going to scold me for watching her sleep all night, and not joining with her. Again.

I just can't sleep. I know that somewhere out there, someone wants to bring more hurt to my Scully.

She is mine.

She tells me that every day, without saying a word.

I am her lover.

I am her hope.

Someday, when the time is right, we will both have a child.

And we will raise it together.

But it will not be Emily. She was the child that was never meant to be.





She left me.

The pain was so unbearable, that I didn't know what to do.

It was like driving a stake through my heart, or digging it out with a spoon.

I turned to Mulder. He has always been my support.

He always will be.

Maybe now was not the time to tell him I needed him.

I am strong.

But she died! She was mine! How could anyone be so evil as to bring a child, a precious child, into the world and then kill her?

Oh, Emily, my sweet Emily, you were the child that was never meant to be.

She was my one chance at raising a child that was biologically mine.

It's not that I haven't thought about adoption. I would love any child.

I think Mulder is hiding something from me.

I would think by now he'd know that he doesn't have to hide things from me.

We are lovers.

Two halves of one whole.

I wish Emily was here. I sometimes wonder if we would have made a good family.

Emily, Mulder, and me.

Emily, how could you be the child that was never meant to be?

Mulder came to me.

He spends his nights with me.

He watches over me.

He is my angel.

When neither of us can sleep, we strengthen our bond.

We both need time. Time to heal. Time to mend. Time to forget.

Time to live.

Time to love.

I find myself torn between my priorities in life. This is a crossroads, I am sure.

I have spent years in a dusty, cramped office, with a wonderful, spooky man.

Maybe it is time to move on.

Emily changed my life. I feel like I have wasted my life on dreams that are short lived, and never meant to be.

Just like Emily.

I don't want to leave Mulder.

I don't want to hurt him.

But I think that I need to take time for myself.

I want a child.

But it can't be Emily. She was the child that was never meant to be.

(Said in intertwining voices)

We want a child.

We want the nightmares to end.

The time is now.

The time is never.

Time to love.

Time to heal.

Time to live.

Time to remember.

Time to forget.

Time for change.

Now we cry.

Now we grieve.

It will not last.

Our world revolved but briefly around a little girl with a sketchy past, and a dead future.

For Emily was the child that was never meant to be.

The End

"The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign the conspiracy is working."-unknown

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