Title: My Flowers, Mommy
Author: RosesDecay
Rating: PG for minor language and angst
Category: VA
Spoilers: A Christmas Carol and Emily
Disclaimer: The X-Files and all characters related to the show do notbelong to me. I don't claim any right to them. No infringement intended

Summary: Realization sinks in for Scully.


A slender gold chain was all it took to strangle her.

Dana? Hope you're not busy or anything...

A golden cross that laid silently on her neck. As weighty as abrick.

Dana?

Yellow. Pale, bloodless yellow.

Think you can tear yourself away from your goddamned prideand leak a little salt water for your poor dead daughter?

Flowers. Yellow flowers. The words connected in her head andmeaning snapped into place. She was holding yellow flowers.

My flowers, mommy.

She felt small, terribly small. Her mental energy was depletedover the simplest of things. Yellow flowers left her confusedand disoriented, her brain searching for more with little success.

Yellow flowers. Pretty flowers. My flowers, mommy.

Tara's voice floated down the stairs. Tara! her mind shrieked.Tara had a baby, Tara had a baby, Tara had a baby and yoursis gone!

Yellow flowers, mommy. My flowers.

"Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop." Tara's voice flew down thestairs and attacked her ears.

Tara had a baby, Tara had a baby, Tara had a baby and yoursis GONE!

"When the wind blows, the cradle will rock."

Why did she feel so tiny? Why couldn't she recognizeanything but -

Yellow flowers, mommy! MY flowers, mommy!

"When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall."

My FLOWERS, mommy! You forgot to give back my FLOWERS!

"And down will come baby, cradle and all."

Her brother's living room. Her eyes widened. She wassitting in her brother's living room.

Her shoulders relaxed. She was in Bill's living room. Shewas safe. She was -

- holding my FLOWERS, mommy, you left and forgot to give back my FLOWERS!

"Emily."

Dana blinked. Emily. Yellow flowers.

Mulder gave yellow flowers to Emily, because -

All gone, mommy, Emily's all gone.

Why is Emily all gone, mommy? All gone? All gone?

Tara's soft, sweet voice, singing in maternal love to her newbornbaby.

"Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop."

Why is Emily all gone, mommy?

"When the wind blows, the cradle will rock."

Mommy?

"When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall."

'Cause why, mommy?

"And down will come baby...down will come baby...downwill come baby..."

'Cause she's dead, mommy, dead, Emily's all gone anddead!

A small cry ripped from her lips.

Emily's all gone and dead, mommy.Matthew wailed, Bill shouted. So much noise. Dana cringed interror, crushing the flowers to her chest in defense.

Why, mommy? Why? Why is Emily dead, mommy?

Tara wept. Her mother whispered. Mulder - was Mulderhere? - Mulder was silent.

Why, mommy? Why why why is Emily all gone and dead?Mommy? Mommy?

The yellow petals clung to her. Emily's flowers -

- my flowers, mommy, my flowers -

A slap brought the world into blood-red focus. Her eyesrose, and could see - Tara, cradling a howling Matthew;Bill, her mother, Mulder, all staring at her with identicalfaces of worry.

Mumbles were erupting from her lips and she stoppedthem immediately. Her eyes roved from face to face, eye to eye. Who would understand? Who could possibly knowhow she felt?

Her mother's eyes locked with hers.

"Emily..." she whispered to her mother. Maggie nodded, tearspooling in her eyes and a thousand words ready to tumblefrom her lips. She said nothing.

"Emily's dead, Mom."

We chose a coffin. We chose a headstone. We listened toa eulogy and we buried her coffin in the ground.

Tears slushed out of her eyes. "Emily's all gone."

Maggie still didn't move, a fluttered blink sending tears washingdown her face.

"Mom!" Dana threw her hands out desperately. "You don't - you - she - Mom, she's GONE!"

Flower petals wafted to the ground as she stumbled into hermother's arms.

Yellow flowers, mommy. MY flowers.

"Why did my baby die?" she whispered. "Why did I let mybaby die?"

Words rushed out, words everywhere tried to fill thestrangled silence. Words to silence her, words to calm her.

She rocked in her mother's arms, feeling so small.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.

"I let my baby fall."

Words rushed out to deny her statement, to deny Emily, deny -

"I want my baby back, Mom." The words sheared through the noise. "I want my baby back so bad Mom but I lether fall..."

Think you can tear yourself away from your goddamnedpride and leak a little salt water for your poor dead daughter?

The flowers lay forgotten on the ground.

Pretty yellow flowers, mommy, MY flowers.

She scooped them up and thrust them at Mulder. He tookthem, broken yellow petals dusting the floor.

"Give them back to Emily," she ordered bitterly, buryingher face in the scoop of her mother's neck.

"Why?" She could feel the heat of Bill's glare at the question.

"I let her fall." No more than a murmur. "I had life, I haddeath, and I handed her death. The least I can give her isher flowers."

Silence. Aching silence. Silence that should have beenfilled with a little girl's giggling, a child's sweet smile, asilence that shouldn't echo so loudly in her mind.

A door clicked. Mulder was gone.

Pretty yellow flowers. Mommy gave Emily her prettyyellow flowers.

MY flowers, mommy.

The brick crushed her heart, suspended on a hundred chainlinks.

Emily's all gone, mommy, with her yellow flowers.

Their words of comfort slid like oil past her ears. Bill, Tara, Mom, Matthew -

"Go away," she whispered. "Please. Go away."

She sat rigid in her mother's arms until Maggie hesitantlypulled away. She fixated her stare at the wall until they shuffled warily out of her gaze. They walked up the stairs,Matthew's murmurs floating down to her ears.

She filled her hands with petals - yellow petals, crushedand torn.

MY flowers, mommy.

Your flowers, she agreed, the pale yellow darkeningunder her tears.

Tara's voice slid soothingly down the stairs.

"Rock-a-bye, baby..."

She pushed the petals to her lips, her eyes.

I love you, Emily.

I love you, mommy.



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