Title : In the Flesh

Author : totalx
Feedback: ackoid@aol.com, totalx21@hotmail.com

Summary: What would have happened if Emily Sim survived? This is written as if all the episodes after Christmas Carol didn't take place and its written when Emily is 6.

Rating: uh, PG i guess

Category: Angst I guess

Disclaimer : the characters don't belong to me. . etc etc. . they belong to Chris Carter

Spoiler : I guess it has Christmas Carol spoilers

Scully rolled over as the 6 year old pulled anxiously on her arm.

"Mommy! Mommy! It's Easter! Get up!" the child's voice cried earnestly. Dana sighed and cracked her eyes open. The little girl's wide eyes showed with excitement. "Come on Mommy!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down, "I want to look for Easter eggs!" Scully swung her legs off the bed and smiled at the giggling child

"Lets go Honey," the red head said tenderly, hugging her love and joy. The mother followed her excited daughter into the livingroom. There were Easter eggs everywhere. The sixth year old smiled in delight and excitedly started running around and putting the eggs in her little pink woven basket. Scully sat on the couch and grinned. It had been three years since she adapted Emily. Three years of love and joy, of hugs when she came home from work and paintings on the refrigerator. It hadn't always been easy, infact it rarely was. The medical bills piled up faster than money came in and it was hard to get insurance for someone who wasn't quite 100% human. But they were making it, and the love they shared was worth all the struggles.

"Mommy!" Emily said, with her unique smile she ran over holding a purple egg, "look at this one! It has polka-dots," she exclaimed delightedly. Scully let her light face up with amazement, if not at the yellow dots, at the astounding gift this little girl was.

"Its beautiful!" she joyfully agreed, "just like you," she said, kissing the little girls forehead. Emily blushed and her grin spread so it almost touched her ears.

"Your silly mom!" she replied, her facial expression was straight off "Kids say the Darndest Things".

"Is that so?" she answered, trying not to completely crack up. It was times like this she wished there was some video taping it all. "Have you found all the eggs?" she asked curiously, peering into the overflowing basket.

"I think so!" the chubby face smiled, "look how many are in here!"

"Maybe you better look a little more," Dana replied, noticing a small chocolate egg sitting on the edge of the VCR, and another nestled in the keyboard of the computer. Emily looked confused for a second and then turned around and spotted a third egg on the base of the lamp. She ran over and again began to search animatedly for more eggs. Scully glanced at the clock. It was almost 9:30, her family and Mulder would be coming soon. If Mulder hadn't already seemed like family to her, he did now. Just then the doorbell rang. The red head stood up and walked casually over, suspecting it was her long time partner. She peered through the tiny peephole. Her presumption was correct, he always showed up early lately. She looked herself once over and opened the door. Emily ran over.

"Who is it mom?" she asked curiously. Mulder stuck his head through the door and puffed up his cheeks. Emily giggled.

"Mr. Potato head!" she exclaimed, rushing over to hug him as he stepped in, "What's behind your back?" she asked trying bending her neck forward to try and see what he was holding.

"Well," he said, being careful to keep the object concealed, "the Easter bunny came to me last night," Emily got a knowing grin, "and he left this thing for me," Mulder pulled out a stuffed rabbit with pink ears, "but I already have enough stuffed animals, so I thought that maybe since there was no little girls who wanted this. . . " Mulder trailed off.

"I want it! Please?" Emily begged, leaping for it, Mulder held it a little higher than her.

"You don't like stuffed Animals," said Mulder, trying not to laugh as he peered over the little girls shoulder to a huge hammock of teddy bears and other various creatures. "Do you?"

"Yes I do!" she said, grabbing it from his hands and hugging it tightly. They looked at each other with mischievous eyes and both man and child cracked up. Scully watched them interact and laughed to herself. He had been such a big help since she got Emily. Although the two FBI partners weren't romantically involved, Mulder had become quite a male role model if not a father figure to the little girl. He also had been there for Scully, when she couldn't take the stress, when Emily was her worst health wise, when Scully's family wouldn't support her, and when she was running out of money. He was there like the best friend a person could ever have.

"Mommy!" Emily exclaimed, "Can I have a piece of candy?" The tiny child held up a giant chocolate bunny.

"Not that one," she answered, laughing, "how about something a little smaller, and only one! You know Grandma is coming over for breakfast." Scully sat down next to Mulder who had already made himself comfortable on the couch.

"I guess that means I should start cooking breakfast," Scully sighed, as happy as she looked there was a weariness under the joy in her eyes.

"What are we having?" Mulder asked, standing up again, "I will get it started, you enjoy your daughter."

The two adults looked simultaneously at the young girl who was currently licking the center out of a Cadbury egg with much care not to miss any. Scully smiled.

"Ham and eggs, and pancakes and hash browns," she said, also standing up. She walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and started pulling various ingredients out. Mulder turned on the stove and began cracking eggs into a bowl.

"So how are you doing?" Mulder asked considerately, knowing the strong willed agent had been feeling really burnt out and exhausted lately.

"Oh, ok," Scully said. She was a little surprised by the question, the partners rarely discussed emotions openly, and when they did usually she had to bring it up. She decided to jump at the opportunity.

"Emily is doing a lot better this week than the last couple," she said, and then paused, "But I guess that is her, not me. I am making it, I wish I had more time to spend with her, and more time to sleep," she cracked a smile, "I wish I had sleeping habits like you," she finished. Her partner rarely slept but always seemed at the top of his game. He grinned at the joke and started to beat the eggs harshly.

"And my family will be here any second, so I better go get dressed," she said, realizing the she was still wearing flannel pajama's.

"Ok, you go change, I will get the ham ready," Mulder answered, offering more of his assistance. She walked from the kitchen to her room and quickly changed clothes. As she pulled up her pants the door bell rang. She sprinted from the room to answer it before Mulder did. Her decision to adopt Emily had shaken the family. They didn't think it was a good idea, and they thought it was Mulder's fault. Even Scully's mother who had stood up for Mulder so many times turned against him after the Emily issue. They thought he was a danger to the family. Scully pulled the door open and hugged her mom.

"Dana," the mother smiled, "How are you?" she asked sincerely.

"I'm fine," Scully replied, opening the door wide so her brother, sister in law, and nephew could step through the door. Mulder stepped out of the kitchen a little.

"Happy Easter," he said in a friendly tone. He knew Scully's family, especially her brother, didn't like him, so he did his best to be polite when they were around. He waited for their obligatory "Happy Easter" and then stepped quietly back into the kitchen. He stayed out of the way as the family members cooed over the little girl who they hadn't wanted to except as family for the longest time. He worked carefully on the eggs and ham, trying to ignore the angry hushed conversation in the other room. He really didn't understand why they all couldn't just get along.

He stepped out into the living room again, "Where is the pancake griddle?" he asked innocently. Scully excused herself from the conversation and stepped into the kitchen, looking relieved to be free of her family. She got out the griddle and soon the two agents were soon able to carry several piping hot plates of food to the dining room table. The family crowded around the table and said a quick prayer before digging in. The discussion was uncomfortable for a few minutes and then settled into a sort of rhythm. Everyone seemed to be getting along, and then Mulder's coat rang. He looked around embarrassed and stood up slowly.

"Excuse me," he said, trying not to see the I-told-you-so look Scully's brother gave his mom. He walked over, picked up the phone and walked into the kitchen.

"Mulder," he said in a slightly annoyed voice.

"Agent Mulder, head director Skinner here, sorry if I called at a bad time."

"No, its fine," Mulder replied, burying his frustration and regrets.

"Anyway, there's a new case just came up. I think its an X-file. Do you think you two could come and take a look at the scene?" Mulder peeked out at the dining family.

"I will come, Scully can't right now," on the other end of the line Skinner nodded to himself, ever since Scully had adapted Emily she had a lot less time to do these last minute overtime cases. Mulder jotted down the address and said he would be there in a half hour. After hanging up he stayed in the kitchen a second, trying to decide how to leave. He walked out and picked up his jacket that was laying across the sofa. The people at the table stared at him.

"I have to be going," he said apologetically. Scully looked up concerned.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Skinner, there is a case, but you enjoy your Easter. I will call you later with details," he answered, being as brief and clear as possible. He said goodbye and left, closing the door gently behind him. Dana's family looked at it disapprovingly. In there eyes he was being a workaholic and putting it before "family". But in Scully's eyes he was preventing her from having to leave the special occasion. She ignored their momentary silence and offered her brother a piece of bacon.

Mulder got in his car and drove slowly away from the warm family breakfast. He knew he wasn't exactly welcome, but he figured the only way to make that less of a problem was to spend time with them and prove that he was not so evil. But it seemed every time things got comfortable he had to run off somewhere, or in the worst situations, take Scully away. Things had changed drastically since three years ago when Scully had discovered her daughter Emily. Ever since that Christmas Scully was more than an FBI agent, she was a mother. It had been hard to get use to. Dana could no longer just leave town for a case, she couldn't be a workaholic. With a nurse caring for Emily during the day, Scully had to be home at 5:30 every night, not in the office till ten. Mulder spent a lot more of his work time alone, and Scully spent a lot more time eating family dinners rather than takeout. A lot of people in Mulder's position would get frustrated, but Emily was so sweet and she made Scully so happy. Too bad Scully's family didn't think the same way.

Mulder pulled the car up to 2332 Sunrise drive and climbed out onto the curb. It was a little white house, typical American dream. Instead of a lawn there was a garden, brimming with tulips full in bloom. The yellow police tape blended into the bright flowers easily. Mulder walked through up the sidewalk, ducked under the tape and into a room buzzing with people. He was quickly spotted.

"Agent Mulder, Thanks for coming," Skinner said in a polite tone. He knew that Mulder had probably been with Scully and Emily, and that leaving them to go to work was a touchy issue.

"What do we have here?" Mulder asked.

"One Mrs. Sarah Tallinder found dead this morning by her husband. His alibi checks out, he was on a business trip and flew in this morning. Mrs. Tallinder was suppose to pick him up on their way to church, but she didn't show so he took a cab home and found this." Skinner relayed, leading Mulder to a decked out dining room ready for Easter dinner. Mulder bent over and pulled the blanket back from the body. It was covered in blood, but there was no visible source for the blood to come from, rather it was as if someone had dumped blood on the body post-mortem.

"Happy Easter," he muttered, putting the cloth back down. "Looks like maybe a cult-killing," the FBI agent said clearly, thinking out loud, "what makes you think this is an X-file?"

"We can't find a cause of death," he replied with out a pause, "there are no physical signs of death, and we don't think this blood is human."

Mulder was distracted and looking for the easy answer,

"so she was poisoned and someone came in here, found her body, and dumped pig blood on it." He paused for a second, realizing that most poisons would not be an immediate death and someone had to be with her. Being more thoughtful, he continued, "did Mrs. Tallinder have any enemies, or any lovers."

"According to everyone we talked to she was loved by all, although there was an incident five years ago where her husband caught her cheating, they made up and she promised never to do it again. Besides, why would a lover want to kill her?" Mulder looked at him and shrugged.

"Love is a strange thing," he said, and looked around observantly. Skinner shook his head, it was so often impossible to figure out what Mulder was thinking, and often what he was thinking was the solution to the case.

It was the 11 o'clock survey at St. Joseph's church. The Scully's sat together on the hard pew, singing along to the familiar hymns. The preacher stood up for the sermon. Scully looked over at Emily and smiled. She looked so cute in her little flowered dress. She put her arm around the tiny frame and looked back up at the pulpit.

"What is Easter all about?" the preacher asked nonchalantly, "It is not about Easter eggs, or the Easter bunny or eating ham." Emily tugged on her Mom's arm. This was her first Easter church service, she had been sick for the last two. She didn't realize yet Easter was actually a religious day. "Easter is about rebirth and the blessings of the lord. I am sure many of the people in the congregation have experienced a rebirth in their lives. A time of new values and a new awakening. Maybe some of you have drifted from the church, and then come back realizing that the lord is your savior,"

Scully swore he was looking right at her and Emily. They didn't come to church often, the mother didn't have much valuable time together, and Dana didn't want to waste that time at church. Religion was important, but not as important as being a family. Dana's mother had wanted her to drop out of the FBI if she was going to adopt Emily, but Scully just couldn't do it. Besides, her mother didn't realize how much money went towards Emily's medical bills. That was another issue in religion. How was Scully suppose to tell her daughter, with all the things people had done to her, that the lord made her that way? Wasn't it easier to explain, at least until Emily was old enough to understand anymore, that some bad men had done this to her and her mommy loved her anyway?

The preacher went on about new birth and major changes in life. Scully thought she probably should listen, change was such a obvious part of her life, but she found more comfort in watching Emily trying to be a good girl than the dry speech of the holy man. The little girl's short blond hair was curled into little ringlets that bounced under her hat every time she shifted positions. Scully looked lovingly at the gold cross against the tiny girls neck. It had graced her own neck for so long. It always managed to come out of sticky situations, and she hoped it would help Emily out of danger. Of course, Mulder couldn't let Scully go without a cross and had bought her one a week after she gave hers away. She fingered it absent mindedly. All the sudden everyone around her was praying, she really had not been paying attention. She joined in immediately.

"How long till its over mom?" Emily whispered in her ear as the congregation said Amen.

"Not much longer," Scully replied, palming her a mint. The 6-year olds eyes lit up as she quietly unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth.

20 minutes later they walked out of the service. Emily was happy to be up and jumped around excitedly. Scully made her stand still long enough to get a picture taken in front of the bright Easter flowers. As they came out of the church Scully's cell phone rang in the car. She rushed over and picked it up.

"Scully" she said quickly.

"Hey Scully, its me" Mulder's voice came over loud and clear.

"So what's going on?" Scully asked curiously as she helped Emily climb in the backseat and buckle up.

"Oh, there was a murder. Skinner thought it was an X-file, but the right questions just had to be asked. I passed it off to the homicide people," he replied in a slightly annoyed tone. Skinner was getting way to much into the habit of calling him and Scully in for help.

"So you coming back?" she asked.

"I'm not so sure its safe, I wouldn't want to be the cause of another cold war," he asked, referring to the sixth month when Scully's family wouldn't talk to her. "And I am concerned about my own safety," he tacked on with a little laugh.

"Come on Mulder, they just are going to have to get use to the fact that not only did I adopt Emily, but also that I am still in the FBI and you are still my closest friend," she urged as she pulled out of the parking lot.

Mulder smiled at her sincerity, but he didn't want to ruin the family Easter, "No, I think I will stay away this time," he said a little disappointed at his own words, "Have a good Easter," he said. Scully sighed.

"You too," Scully replied. The line went dead. She quickly put her cell phone away and continued driving and thinking, almost forgetting the little girl in the backseat.

"Was that Mulder Mommy?" she asked innocently, her big eyes peering into the rear view mirror.

"Yeah," Dana responded with a sigh. The little girl heard the tone of voice and didn't ask any more questions about Mulder. The little girl was so aware of her surroundings. It had been one of the first things Scully noticed about the child when they first met. The little blond-haired girl changed the subject.

"Mom, do you have to work tomorrow?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah I do, Donna will be over to watch you," Donna was gentle child care nurse that came while Scully was at work to look after her.

"Do you think Donna would like it if I saved her the purple egg with spots?"

Emily asked.

"Yeah, I think she would like that very much," Scully answered, smiling, "that would be very nice of you." The six-year-old smiled and made a mental note to herself to tuck that egg away.

Scully thought a minute and then tossed out a question. "What do you think of Grandma and Uncle Bill?"

Emily paused and then wrinkled up her little forehead in deep thought. After several minutes she answered, "They don't seem very nice."

Scully wasn't surprised, "Why is that?"

"They always make weird faces at Mulder, and they always fight with people." the little girl answered. Scully realized that as far as Emily was concerned, that is all they ever did. It was a rare event to have a family get together without her brother pulling her aside and quarreling over something with her.

"I see," Scully answered, still deep in thought. After awhile of riding in silence they pulled up to the house Dana grew up in and parked the car. Dana got out and walked around the car to help Emily out. Her little dress puffed up in the cool spring breeze. There were already a lot of cares there, relatives from all over always gathered here for the Easter Dinner. Emily was greeted at the door by another round of kisses. The traditional catching up began.

"How are you" "How are your kids" "Sorry to hear about your uncle"

The typical family gossip. Scully stood a little on the sidelines watching Emily carefully to make sure she didn't hurt herself. It didn't take long for a distant relative to come to her and strike up a conversation. After all, she was the biggest news item in the family and had been for the last three years.

"How is little Emily doing?" the lady asked politely, joining Scully in her observance of the 6 year old.

Scully looked up at the lady and answered with a polite "she is doing good lately," with a hint of that's-enough-information in her voice. The lady didn't catch, apparently she didn't have the observance of the little girl she asked about.

"What is it she has exactly? Some type of blood disease?"

Scully sighed, no it wasn't a blood disease, it was nothing this lady would understand. Not even her mother had excepted or understood it. That was one of the reasons things had been so difficult. The truth of the matter was Emily didn't have any disease or disorder, she simply, or not so simply, wasn't a normal human. Although the top scientists had figured out how to "treat" some of the "symptoms" the fact remained that it wasn't a disease and therefore wasn't curable. What was Scully suppose to say? No, its not a blood disease, she is a human-alien hybrid? Her family already thought she was crazy enough, claiming that this little girl was actually her blood-daughter, rambling about her cancer being caused by a chip in her neck. To them it all seemed ridiculous. Finally she chose an answer. The lady stood anxiously waiting.

"No, its not a blood disease," Scully replied not quite so politely, "I don't think you would understand it," she finished. The lady looked flustered.

"Oh," she paused with a slightly offended and confused look on her face, and then walked away, no doubt to go spread the rumor that Dana had been rude.

Scully went back to her casual observance of Emily. It was seconds later when Bill Mulder came and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Dana, can I speak to you in the other room?" he asked. Here we go, Scully thought. Typical family get- together, I get chewed out by my brother. She followed him into the up the stairs.

"What is it this time Bill?" she said when they reached the top of the stairs, "did I look at the other children wrong? Did I make the truth a little too honest? Did I wreck my life?"

Her brother was startled for a minute, usually he had to start the conversation when something happened. He quickly regained his composure.

"Why do you have to be so discourteous?" he asked. She knew he was referring to the incident that just took place downstairs.

"That wasn't discourteous," she said matter of factly, "That was the truth, if you want to talk about discourteous, lets discuss how you have been treating Mulder."

"So that's what this is about? Are you mad cause Mulder ran off again?" Bill bounced back, oblivious to what Scully ment.

"Mulder is done with the case, he called me, do you know why he isn't coming back?" she asked, pausing. Bill looked at her blankly. "He didn't come back because he knows you and Mom don't like him!"

"Good, he is finally getting the point," Bill replied without even stopping to think. Scully looked at his with a hint of disgust in her eyes.

"Mulder is a good guy, why do you have to be like this?" Scully answered after a second, "Why do you think you have to run my life? I can judge a character, as good if not better than you." Bill looked at her like a therapist looks at a young child.

"We are just trying to do what's best for you, you obviously have been blinded by 'love' or lust," Bill said, making a mockery of the word love.

"Lust? What the hell are you talking about?!" Dana replied harshly. You think Mulder's got me under the control of his bed? How many times do I have to tell you! We are just good friends! He is a good guy!"

Bill watched her outburst suspiciously, probably not believing a word of it.

"You know Bill," Scully said, calming down a bit, "today I asked Emily if she liked you and Mom, do you know what she said?" he looked at her cluelessly. Scully continued with a slight stir of frustration and desperation in her voice, "She said she didn't think you were very nice because you were always fighting with me and giving me weird looks" Bill looked at her, not fully realizing what she wanted to get across, "Is that what family is suppose to be like? Is that how you want your niece remembering you? You should be ashamed, why can't you just accept me for who I am, accept that Emily is my daughter, and accept that Mulder is going to be in my life." Bill looked at her with a slightly ashamed eyes as he paused to think about her words, and then seemed to decide he wouldn't let her talk to him like that. He opened his mouth to speak, but seeing the look in his eyes Dana cut him off.

"Do you know what? That isn't what family is about, and until you start acting like family, I would rather spend my holiday with friends," the red head walked quickly down the stairs and over to get Emily. Bill followed trying to catch her without making a scene.

"Dana," he said, "Dana." She ignored him completely, instead concentrating on getting the little purple coat over her daughters arms. He finally got over to her standing in the doorway.

"Dana, don't do this, your family is more important than this," he half begged. She opened the door.

"Come one Emily," she said to the little girl, and then looked up at Bill, "call me when you really want to be my family," she said coldly and walked out. Bill stood in the doorway watching in a sort of shock as she climbed into the car and pulled away.

Mulder was just sitting down to a frozen ham and pineapple pizza when there was a knock at the door. He walked over and opened it up.

"Scully, what are you doing here?" he asked worriedly.

"Oh, I got a in a little fight with Bill. I would rather be here anyway," she said hoping she wasn't being intrusive. Mulder opened the door wider so her and Emily could step in. "Thankyou," she said smiling. "I was just having a fancy Easter dinner of Pizza," Mulder said, smiling at Emily. The girls face lit up.

It was late in the afternoon and shadows cast through the window as Mulder brought out three table settings to the cluttered living room. Emily looked around examining his fish tank and computer. She didn't come to the apartment often, only when her mom had to pick something up or drop something off. Mulder picked up the piles of magazines and set them next to the TV in an attempt to clear space to eat.

"What do you want to drink, I have Ice Tea, Root beer, or water." Mulder asked, trying keep his manors.

"Root beer!" Emily shouted excitedly, she didn't get to have pop very often.

Scully nodded her consent.

"I'll have ice tea," added to the gesture.

Mulder brought out the drinks and the three sat down to their Easter Dinner. Mulder waited a second for Scully's cue to see whether she wanted to say a prayer. Instead she picked up a piece and started to eat. Scully had been weird about her religion lately. One second she seemed to be praying every other word, and the next she didn't even think of it. He never interfered, especially when Emily was around. Scully could choose what to teach her daughter.

As he absentmindedly dug into the ham pizza his mind wondered what had happened between Bill and Scully. It would take a lot to make her leave her big family dinner. Maybe he would ask her later, for now it was Easter Dinner.

"How's that pizza tasting?" he asked Emily, smiling as she wiped the sauce off her nose and immediately got it on the table. She answered with a smile. Mulder laughed and looked at Scully. As much as she was smiling a worry had joined the weariness in her eyes. She was currently wondering if she had made the right decision on walking out. Her family needed to respect her, and they didn't. What other choice had they left her? She wondered what story Bill had told to her mother when she wasn't at dinner. No doubt a lie to make Mulder look bad. He liked to handle things himself. She tried to push the worries into the back of her head as she watched her little love struggle with a gigantic slice. Of course she had made the right decision. Bill would learn to see the light, he had to.

It was almost 8 and Emily had fallen asleep in front of the TV as Moses saved the Israelites from slavery in "the ten commandments". Scully wiggled out from next to her and stood up.

"I guess we better be going. We have work tomorrow, and Emily is obviously exhausted" she said, smiling at the sleeping girl.

Mulder followed her eyes to Emily, cracking a smile at the sight.

"Do you want me to carry her to the car?" he asked.

"That would be great," she said, picking up Emily's jacket and trying to get it on the sleeping body. Mulder switched off the TV and scooped up the child as soon as Scully finished.

"She's definitely gaining weight," he said, faking a grimace. Scully smiled.

The two agents walked together down the stairs out to Scully's waiting car. Scully opened the back door and Mulder gently placed the girl on the backseat, buckling her belt. Emily woke for a second and quickly nodded back off.

"Thanks Mulder," Scully said, wondering what life would be like if he wasn't around. After all, it was him that figured out how to save Emily, and it was him that kept things sane in her life.

"No problem," Mulder replied, gently closing the door, making sure Emily's fingers weren't in the way. "See you tomorrow," he said, stepping towards the door.

"Yeah, see you," Scully climbed into drivers seat and closed the door. Mulder waited outside watching until they turned the corner. He hoped he hadn't been what Bill and Dana had fought over. He loved Scully so much, he didn't to be the cause of their problems. But what could he do about it, he realized in resignation, and headed back up to his tiny apartment.

Scully's drive home was automatic. She was too busy thinking to concentrate on the routine act of driving. Why did things have to be the way they were? Why couldn't her family just except things the way they were? Why did the conspirators have to do this to Emily? Her heart tugged at her as she recalled an event two weeks ago. Emily had asked innocently why she couldn't go to school. What was Scully supposed to say? The truth was Emily was a danger to the other children, and if they could find a way to get past that, it would involve the help of the school. How could she convince the school that her daughter had non-human body chemistry? They would think she was a schizophrenic and try to take Emily away. Scully had already tried to go down that path. Explanations didn't work, even scientific proof didn't work. She had ended up telling Emily that she was special, which Emily already knew, special as in not normal. Scully had promised that she would find a tutor soon. The problem was Scully knew it wasn't so much the education that Emily was missing, but the friends. And there wasn't much way to get around that. Not unless they found more kids like her, kids she couldn't hurt with a skinned knee or a paper cut.

Scully pulled into the driveway. Mulder had been looking. He hadn't said anything about it to Scully, but she knew he was looking for more kids like Emily. Every once in awhile she walked into his office while he was reading a case file and he snapped it shut and tucked it away. Sometimes he left for a couple days saying he was going on a certain case that Scully discovered didn't exist. She never asked him about it. She knew what he was looking for, and she didn't think it was her business to interrupt him At least not yet. After all, other kids had to be out there and maybe Samantha was to. The project wouldn't make one without making more. She knew Emily had given Mulder a knew hope.

Scully woke the sleeping girl enough to help her stumble into the apartment. She crawled immediately into bed before her mom could change her clothes. Oh well, Scully thought, won't do know any harm. She walked into the bathroom and started the shower running. As she stepped into the stream the steaming water flowed through her hair and over her shoulder, making its way to the drain, and then disappearing forever. She prayed that the tiny beads would carry her problems with them on their way to infinity. She prayed her troubles would wash away.

Mulder sat thinking on his couch, an old film playing in the background. Ever since Emily had come along, he had been wondering. Wondering if there were more like her. There had to be. And he was probably the only man who knew how to save them.

He stood up, pulled a binder off the crowded, cluttered shelf, and sat back down. The black cover was beaten and worn. The edge had a small tear in it that was sure to spread. Mulder lifted the cover slowly and looked at the familiar picture on the first page. Sara Lee Trinifold, that was her name, May 5, 1998. He was too late for her. She died the evening he flew in. He traced the picture with his finger and slowly turned the page. Jarod Christian Anderson, his adopted parents were the artsy types, July 13, 1998. He turned the page again, the corner folded gently as he pulled. A little red haired girl laughed at the camera, Linda Ann Patter. Her parents refused treatment. They told Mulder he was insane, December 14, 1998. As Mulder continued to page through the tattered pages he wondered if he could ever save another. He wondered if he would ever find what he was looking for.

There were 21 children in all, 21 that he tried to help and couldn't for one reason or another. His friends, the lone gunmen helped his search. They had called again that morning, before he left for Scully. They had found another one. Julia Hope Crane of New York City, if only things would go right this time. She was two. His flight left in the morning. He picked up the phone and dialed Scully's familiar number. He hated just leaving, but he was afraid that if he told her she would either get her hopes up or try to end his quest. He couldn't tell her how many others there had been, how many hadn't made it. She had enough problems. He kept the failures to himself, in a private pain that no one could understand. Not even Scully.

The phone rang in his hand and the answering machine picked up. "Hey Scully, its me, I, um, got a new case. I am flying to New York tomorrow what morning. I will call you, bye" he said in a paused tone. He hated to lie to Scully, but it was for her own good, atleast that's he kept telling himself. Oh well, he thought, leaning over on the edge of the couch, she would understand.

The next morning Scully checked her messages and sighed. He was off at it again. She wished he would just be honest, but she could understand his reluctance to tell her the truth. She headed off to work after greeting the nanny/nurse at the door and dialed Mulder's cell phone from the car.

"Mulder" he said automatically.

"It's me" she replied, "so what's this case?"

"Oh," Mulder paused to think, "just the normal psycho freak running around." Scully sighed, she couldn't take it anymore, she needed to talk to him about the truth.

"Mulder," she said pausing, "I know you are looking for more like Emily." Mulder froze for a second, he guessed Scully knew what he was doing, but he wasn't ready to admit he lied. But he didn't really have a choice.

"Yeah," he finally said, sighing, "I am, but I really have to go," he knew the sentence made his avoidance obvious, but he didn't know what to do. He clicked off the phone. Scully shook her head. Why had she done that? If she wanted to talk she could have at least have waited till it was in person. She felt as if everything in her life was falling apart. Her family, Emily, Mulder, what was she suppose to do. The whole world was falling apart. Government was a sham, the aliens were here, and society was filled with lies and turmoil. Nothing was ok anymore, she wondered if it ever had been.

Scully did not hear from Mulder for four full days. She hadn't tried to call him. She figured he would call her when he was ready. Her brother had called that day though. He apologized, and said he wanted to try and resolve things. She told him that just talking wouldn't resolve anything, and he had agreed to have some family therapy. It was quite a step forward. It seemed to Scully that as tough as her brother seemed at times, he cared about her very much. Emily's nurse had given her bad news the day before. She was moving to Portland, Oregon. It would be hard to find a replacement that didn't think she was nuts. Every time she got something figured out something else crashed down. She walked into her apartment in a huff and hugged Emily as she rushed over.

"How was she today?" Scully asked the nurse.

"Oh, very well, just as always, a little darling," the middle-aged lady replied smiling and putting on her coat. "I will see you tomorrow," she said, patting Emily, "and we can make cookies." The little girl smiled and mother smiled. The nurse opened the door and was startled by a man standing posed to knock on the door. "Mulder!" she exclaimed, he came by and called so often he had become a familiar face. "Good to see you," she said, recovering, "but I must be going." The flustered women stepped past Mulder and went on her way. The agents stood there frozen in time for a minute, then Emily broke the silence.

"Mulder!" she said excitedly, "I made you a picture, see!" she held up an 8x11 piece of paper with colorful scribbles in the shape of trees. Mulder smiled a bit and hugged the little girl.

"Emily, why don't you go straighten your room," Scully said. Mulder and she needed to talk. She looked at him and saw pain. It was hidden behind the friendly front towards Emily, but she could see it at the corner of his lips, and deep in his eyes. Emily was about to object, but something told her she shouldn't. It wasn't a good time to be stubborn, so she skipped off to her little bedroom, which was already immaculately clean, and started to play, peeking out on the adults only once.

Mulder stepped into the room and looked around like he had never seen the interior of the apartment before. Scully continued to look at him but he never met her eye. The veil had been removed and it was more than obvious something terrible had happened. This look of pain was strange to Scully, and she wanted to understand, to help. Finally, after Mulder had absentmindedly walked towards the window, Scully spoke up.

"Mulder, what happened?" she asked. He turned around and looked at her for the first time, as if he hadn't realized she was there. His eyes were so tired. The tall agent walked over to the sofa and sat down slowly. "What happened to the girl in New York," Scully asked more specifically, trying to find a question he would know how to answer.

The silence lasted for another minute and then he answered. "I couldn't help her Scully," Mulder said slowly, "I don't know if it was too late to start treatment or she was too young, but I couldn't help her." A tear ran down his face. Scully sat down and put her arm around Mulder. She didn't know what to say. Now she understood that pain, and wondered how many times Mulder had faced it alone.

"How many have there been?" she asked gently, leaving the question open so he didn't have to answer.

Mulder looked reached under his coat, pulled out the faded black binder and handed it to Scully. She opened it and all the sudden everything hit Mulder at once. When he had kept it from her, he hadn't faced the pain. He had hid behind the secrets. But now, now that it was out . . . tears streamed down his face. Scully looked carefully through the book, picture after picture, name after name, death after death. Mulder stood up, tears streaming, and leaned on the wall, trying to control this, trying to clear his mind, his elbow hid his face. By the time she turned the last page Scully's face was also wet with tears. She paused for a minute to try and accept the extent of what had been going on for these couple years, and then stood up to try and comfort her partner.

"It wasn't your fault," she said, as if it would help, "you did what you could." All the sudden Mulder exploded from his position resting on the wall. He swung his arms out as if he was looking for something to hit, but nothing was his to break.

"It isn't right!" he half yelled, "don't you see? These people, the government, the conspirators, they take our lives! They take our children! And they don't even care!" his anger seemed to subside as he collapsed into a heap on a chair. "They think they are in control and they can do anything they want, and they don't care about anyone, only themselves," he said quietly, holding his head in his hands, "all the innocent people, the ones who only want to live there lives and be happy, they are the ones that get the crap, and those son of a bitch's at the top can't be touched, they get what they want." Scully went to his side and held him as he sobbed. "And there is nothing we can do about it," he finished in an almost whisper, "nothing at all." Scully didn't know how to answer, besides with a tight embrace.

The two agents held each other and wondered about the validity of society.

The two humans cried and begged the world for sanity.


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