Title: Gift of Hope

Author: Kristyn Collins

Rating: PG

Category: SRA

Spoilers: Memento Mori

Keyword: Mulder/Scully married, character dies

Story Summary: Response to post on the "plot lines" page. Mulder and Scully are expecting their first child, however the pregnancy threatens Scully's health when she can't go through with her cancer treatment. The newlyweds must decide whether or not to keep the baby.

Disclaimer: Not mine- never will be. This almost has nothing to do with an X-file, though, so the characters are far off from how CC made them. I'm not making money off this, just a little fun.

Author's note: Once again, I respond to a challenge (so I'm not creative enough to think of plot lines by myself. So what?) Here's the challenge text (it's from Novy on the Plot Lines Page):

"Scully has cancer. She and Mulder are together (sexually involved). They can either be married or not. They find a treatment that can save Scully's life. But, just before the treatment, they found out Scully is pregnant. (She is not infertile 'cause she was only abducted once, not like the other women who were abducted many times). If they were to go on with the treatment, they will harm the baby. If they wait until the baby is born, Scully may or may not make it. Even if she is still alive by then, she will have been too weak to survive. Scully wants to keep the baby and delay the treatment. To her, abortion is out of the question. Mulder is in emotional turmoil. He wants the baby but he loves Scully too much to let her risk her life to carry it to term. He cannot bear the prospect of seeing her health deteriorate each day. Each day Scully goes without treatment, the lesser the chance of success with the treatment. What would they do? I want to see Much Mulder/Scully angst, their emotional and moral struggle.

Ps: if they decided to keep the baby, I'd like to see how Mulder ( and Scully) cope with Scully's deteriorating health, and the prospect that he might lose her any time". But this story doesn't focus on the decision as much as the after-effects on their relationship. Be careful, tissue warning.

Gift of Hope

By Kristyn Collins

She took a deep breath, and began to redress. In and out, she told herself.

Concentrate only on the breathing. Her doctor had just given her the news.

It should have made her ecstatically happy. That is, if she weren't dying. She silently cursed fate and God and whatever else was controlling her life because she knew she didn't deserve this fate. It was too harsh, too cruel. She had dedicated her life to stepping onto the dark side, and exposing those within the shadows. She should have been married, have 2.3 kids and a dog named Rover. She shouldn't be pregnant and dying without being able to do a damn thing about either.

When she reached her house, her husband was waiting for her. He had wanted to take the day off his job as the ASAC at the Richmond FBI office, but she had told him no. Whatever the news, she would deliver it to him. Pulling up, she took another deep, healing breath and got out of her car. Her husband rushed up to her.

"Dana, how'd it go?" he asked, welcoming her home with a warm hug. She pulled away.

"We have to talk," she said, pushing into their house and sitting on the couch. They now lived in Richmond, and were relatively happy. They had been married just over a year.

"Oh, God. I don't like the sound of that," he said an followed her.

"Mulder?"

"Yes, Mulder?" he teased. She had refused to take his last name and refused to call him by his first. So while they were supposed to be Fox and Dana, they were...well...Dana and Mulder.

She drew a ragged breath, "Should I just spit this out?"

"Please," he said. She began to cry, and he put his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm pregnant. There I said it."

The look on his face changed. He smiled.

"No," she continued, "You don't understand. I'm supposed to start the cancer treatment. The drugs- they're no good for the baby. And now that I am pregnant...I can't continue with the treatment."

"What? But if you don't continue you'll-"

"I'll die. Well, I may or may not die. If I wait nine months, my health will have deteriorated so much that I may not have the strength to deliver a baby. I may die in childbirth. Then if I start the treatment after that, there's an even greater chance it won't work," she closed her eyes. Maybe when she opened it- it would all just disappear.

His brows creased. "You have to get rid of the baby," he said firmly. "I can't-I won't lose you again."

"I can't abort the baby. I'm all for women's rights, but I can't do that, I'm sorry."

"So, what? Are you just going to let yourself die? I want this baby so much, Dana, but you are what matters right now."

"No," she said firmly, "I will carry this child to term. If I die, then the child will live on."

He was angry. She could be so bull-headed sometimes. He didn't mean to yell at her, but he did, "Dana! Listen to yourself! I won't let you kill yourself!

We're not ready for a child anyway. You said it yourself."

"Don't yell at me! I am keeping this child. We will delay the treatment."

"Fine," he cursed, grabbing his coat, "Kill yourself. What do I care?" He stormed out of the house and Dana crumpled to the floor and cried.

She reflected on her life to that point. It hadn't been a bad life. Some ups and downs. A few more ups than downs. Her wedding last year to her partner and best friend had been a very beautiful thing. There had been one hundred people. All of Dana's family and extended family. All of Fox's family that could make it. Which turned out to just be his mother and cousins and their families. And there was also Walter, whom Fox had asked to be the best man.

After their work on the x-files project was terminated for the second time, she had been transferred to Quantico. Her health began failing, though, and when she felt she had little time left, she confessed her love for her former-partner. He asked her to marry him, and he was transferred to Richmond, where he became the ASAC. He and Walter Skinner, for all the times they had fought, they had remained mutually respective of each other. At his urging, in fact, they had visited a doctor a month ago, on their first wedding anniversary, and learned the tumor had moved. It was now operable. But she might only survive if she underwent extensive treatment. Foolishly thinking she had finally found happiness, she agreed. She underwent the surgery to remove the mass, and was suppose to start the chemo tomorrow.

But now she was pregnant, and unable to start the treatment. Without treatment, the doctors had given her less than a year. Actually, about ten months. And if she waited nine of those before beginning- her chances were less than one in twenty that she would get rid of the cancer.

She made some tea as she thought. The real reason she wanted to keep the baby was for him. For her husband. She knew in her heart that she would not survive longer than five years, and if they had a child he could have something that looked a little like her to comfort him. Plus the cancer drugs would make her sterile. This was her last chance to have a child. She wasn't worried about dying. She was worried about what would happen to Mulder after she died. And she also worried that no one would remember her.

Mulder sat near a large tree. He was in a park three blocks from their house. All around him, children played and laughed. How wonderful it would be, he thought, to have a child. To have a little person rely on me for once. Turn to me for advice. It was a dream from long ago. He never thought he'd ever be married, especially to Scully. His Dana. He knew he had to go back, but he decided he should get her something to make up for the way he had acted. He didn't want her to have this baby, but he understood her reasoning. This was the last chance she'd ever get to have a child of her own. But God, if he lost her again! What good would he be to a kid? He would probably end up committing suicide or something drastic like that. He would die without her. And what good would he do to a child when he was wallowing in his own misery?

3 months later.

She felt his hands on her neck as she stood over the toilet. He held her hair as her stomach retched into the bowl. Then he pressed his fingers into her neck as she did it again. And again. Her morning sickness had been becoming worse and worse as the months went by. She was now four and a half months pregnant, and starting to show. She had long ago quit work. The headaches and nauseous had become unbearable. Mulder had taken a six month leave of absence a few weeks ago. He did everything. He cooked, cleaned, went to the store. She hated having to be taken care of.

"Mulder, I'm fine," she said after wiping her mouth.

"Like hell you are." He paused. That came out too harsh. He was being very short tempered with her lately. He knew that these may very possibly be her last months, but he didn't want to burden her with any of his problems, so he had basically shut himself off from her. It killed her, he could see it. So she shut herself off from him. They both walked around saying, "I'm fine," when they each knew the other wasn't.

"I have a doctor's appointment today. I'll go by myself."

"Can you drive yourself?"

"Yes! Damnit, Mulder, I'm not an invalid. I'm pregnant. My legs haven't been chopped off! Stop coddling me!"

"I don't coddle you! I'm trying to take care of you. For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health! Remember those? This is what I'm supposed to do!"

"Then at least act like you care about what happens to our baby! We haven't even discussed names yet! You deny that I'm pregnant. You want to tell yourself I'm going to live, but I'm not! I'm getting weaker everyday, and there's not a damn thing we can do about it." She sobbed into a pillow on the bed.

He took a deep breath. He didn't want to bring this up. "It's not too late to abort," he said simply.

"No."

"Dana, I love you. I don't want to lose you. Not again. That time I couldn't do anything. Now I can. As much as I want this baby, I want you more. Alive. Please, consider it!" He sat next to her on the bed and patted her red hair.

She shuttered and shrugged off his touch.

"I have to go to the doctor. I'll think, okay?" She rose and pushed him off of her.

"Okay," he whispered as she left. God, he loved her. He would happily give his life a million times to keep her alive. The baby just wasn't worth it. It would never be worth it in his eyes. Nothing was worth risking her life. But if she really wanted it, then her would have to sit back and watch her die. Again. It was all too horrible. He couldn't live through it again.

She drove through her tears. Her head hurt terribly, but she resisted any pain medication, as she was afraid of what would happen to the baby. He had brought up abortion, again. Damn him! He made it seem so inviting. Get rid of the pull on her health, and get her well. How she wanted to be well! But this child could help Mulder after her death. And to have a child was something she had wanted forever. No, she was keeping it. Not for herself, but for Mulder. She had to carry it to term. And then kiss them both goodbye.

(4 months later)

She was as big as a house. Mulder laughed as he put his hand on her stomach and felt the baby kick. It was a false laugh, though. Every time he saw Dana, he had to look away. He hadn't been able to kiss her or hold her in months. He was angry she had decided to leave him, and he didn't want to be reminded of that fact anymore. She looked down at her stomach and felt a tear in her eye. She felt so attached to the baby already. They had found out the sex, it was a girl. But they still hadn't discussed names. Mulder, actually, hadn't even wanted to know the sex.

"How about Melissa?" she asked sadly. "At least for a middle name."

"Sure. That's good. I knew that's what you'd pick," he said as he moved >across the room.

"I like Nicole."

"Me too."

"Or Polly."

"That's nice."

"Mulder! Talk to me! Don't close off like this. I need you to be with me now.

I need you. Please," she whispered the last part. She wanted so much for him to hold her and kiss her and tell her that no matter what he would love her. But he hadn't done that since she had decided four months ago to keep the baby. Now it was too late. She had decided death and a new life than death and an old one.

"I like them all," he mumbled, not looking up from his book. He had been reading a lot lately. English author's mostly. He still couldn't understand why she had made this decision. He wanted her to live. But now...she was as good as dead, and he had already gone into mourning.

"Mulder! Please," she began to cry, "Please help me get through this."

"What does it matter? You're going to be dead in a few months anyway, so why the hell should I care how you feel now? You didn't care how I felt before! You didn't care that I wanted you alive and well and you chose to kill yourself!" He looked up from his book. She had stopped crying, and maybe that was the worst sign. She had become so used to their bickering it didn't bother here anymore. She curled up on the couch. But he surprised himself and her when he came and sat next to her. He took her hand, "Dana, sweetie, I love you so much. I'm sorry. We'll get through this together. I promise I won't hurt you anymore," he said. He would have to be strong. He understood how juvenile he had been for the last six months. But her death scared him. More than anything because he wasn't sure how he would exist without her.

He wasn't sure if he could.

"Do you promise?"

"I do."

"Good." He leaned over and kissed her gently. She began crying again.

"I

don't want to leave you. I love you, Fox. I love you. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'm here with you always. Always," he said stroking her back and holding her as best he could with her large stomach in the way. Her red hair was plastered against her ivory-white skin. She sobbed in his arms for another ten minutes.

When she was done, she pulled away and he noticed how pale she looked. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I haven't eaten in a while. Actually, all day." He glanced at his watch. It was four in the afternoon.

"God, Dana! Here," he rushed into the kitchen and got orange juice and a stale bagel from the fridge. He put the bagel in the toaster and told her to eat and drink. He sat with her as she did. Her eyes became glassy and she looked faint.

"Mulder..."

"Dana. Here," he said touching his shoulder. "Put your head here and rest until you get your sugar back up." She leaned on him and fell asleep.

(One and a half months later)

"Mulder. It's time," she said.

"It's too early," he answered. She still had two weeks until her due date.

"Yeah, but I'm telling you it's time." She hadn't moved out of bed for the past month, her headaches too bad and crippling for her to move very far. She was now sure that the nasal mass had begun its push into her brain. She looked sick, too. She was far too thin for a pregnant woman. Luckily, the doctor had said that the baby was in excellent health. She just remained nameless.

Mulder grabbed the bag and put it in the trunk of the car. Then he picked up his wife. She had tried to get up but had gotten a sudden blow of head pain. Even eight and a half months pregnant, she was very light. He worried about her. As they exited the door he had two thoughts- The first was that he would return with a baby girl to take care of and love. The second was that Dana might never come back.

At the hospital, they received very prompt service, and quickly Dana was in stirrups being check. Mulder watched as his wife was poked and prodded and offered drugs (which she declined). The female obstetrician took Mulder aside.

"She's fully dilated. However, Mr. Mulder, due to you're wife's special condition-"

"Don't dance around it. Her cancer."

"Ah, yes, her cancer. Due to her cancer, we don't feel she'd be strong enough to deliver. We would like to do a Cesarian. If that's okay."

"Yes. Let me tell her," he said. "Dana, honey, they're going to do a Cesarian.

Is that okay?" She groaned, too weak to nod. He touched her sweaty head.

"Yes," she whispered hoarsly. She was whisked away as soon as she gave her concent. They did an epidural, and Mulder was allowed to stay in the room to hold her hand. After about two hours, they lifted a tiny baby out of her stomach and stiched Dana up. The newborn screamed as the doctor cut the cord and washed her off. She placed her in Mulder's arms.

He didn't know what had happned, but instead of comtempt and loathing, he suddenly felt a great love for this thing that was killing Dana. He hugged her to his cheast. If Dana had to die, he was glad he had this little girl. Filling out the birth certificate made Mulder realize that he didn't choose a name yet. He wanted to talk to Dana.

"She's okay, for now. The surgery tired her out. Mr. Mulder, I never like having to tell people this, but she may not have long," said the doctor sympathetically.

"How long is 'not much longer'?"

"Twelve hours. Maybe less. I'll take your daughter to see her."

"My daughter," he mouthed silently. He had a daughter.

Dana was laying down, and needed help to sit up. Her face lit up as much as it could when she saw the baby.

"She's beautiful," Dana said as she was laid in her arms. The mewling infant immdiatly quieted down.

"I know. She has your eyes," said Mulder. The doctor smiled and closed the door as she left. Mulder grabbed Dana's hand.

"We need to name her now," he said gently.

"Yes. How about Samantha?"

"Melissa?"

"No. Middle name, maybe."

"Dana," he said. He didn't ask her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? It won't help with the...mourning."

"Yes, it will," he said. "Dana Melissa."

She scrunched up her nose and squeezed his hand. "That doesn't sound good. Dana Samantha sounds better."

"No," he shook his head vigorosly. "That's the past. She's the future."

"Hope," Dana whispered.

"Dana Hope. Perfect." He kissed the tip of her nose. She looked really bad.

He excused himself. "Nurse!" he called to one of the women in pink. "Can my wife see our daughter again? She's not doing well." The nurse nodded quickly and went off to get the baby. He went back to Dana's side and held the baby when she was brought in. He tipped her down so his wife could talk to her.

"Dana Hope. May you have your father's passion and ability to believe that the darkness will one day bring light and your grandmother's kindness and simplicity."

"And may you have your mother's compassion and perseverance."

"And ability to see when her partner's crazy." Dana laughed. Then she grew sad. "Let me kiss you both."

"No," he wailed. "This isn't goodbye."

"Don't greive too long, my love. I won't order you to get married again because you won't. But if you fall in love, don't feel guilty. Don't block love by comparing every other woman to your perfect image of me. Love Dana Hope. Love her with all your heart. As much as I love you."

"Love you too. We are soulmates, Dana. My spirit will come back to you in the end."

"I believe." It was her dying words. She sighed deeply and was gone. It was a fitting end, Mulder thought. He called the nurse and had them take both Danas away. He cried for a long time in the waiting room. He cried for the next few years. But he had found something to fill the empty hole his wife had left in him. He had found a second unconditional love for his daughter and for that he was truely greatful. Hope. A fitting middle name, for after his wife, *she* was his hope.

The little girl crawled up on her father's lap and hugged him around the waist. She had hazel eyes and red curly hair, a perfect mix of her father and late mother. It was almost time for her bed, and she wanted a story.

"Daddy, tell me again about Mom." It was her favorite story. Her father and a mother she had never met chasing bad guys and space aliens. That her father had asked her mother to marry him on a moonlit night. It was so exciting.

"Did I ever tell you about our first case together?"

The little girl laughed. Her smile was small and demure like her father's, but her laugh was an exact copy of her mother. Indeed, when she talked, Mulder could've sworn Scully was in the room."Yeah! A million times. Tell me a different one."

"Okay, how about the time we chased a bad guy who ate livers!"

"Eweee," shrieked the six year old. Her father toned down the stories considerably, but she loved them anyway. If only she could have a life that exciting! She had been told stories of her mother all her life, and had a million pictures of her. She had put her on a high pedistal. Her mother was the greatest mother that had ever lived. And she was even named after her.

Fox Mulder kissed Dana Hope on the nose and began his tale.

"When your mother and I were first starting at the FBI..." he began. He was still greiving for the loss of his soulmate after all these years, but Dana Hope's love soothed him greatly. He realized what a gift Dana Katherine had given him. She had given him the gift of life. She had given him the gift of a child.