Title: Finding the Gifts
Summary: Post-Requiem, Scully leaves her Christmas shopping for the last minute.
She felt trapped, trapped by the swarms of people buzzing about her. She felt suffocated by the canned music playing loudly over the speakers, so loudly that she could clearly hear it over the buzz of people. The music, she supposed, was meant to help bring her into the holiday spirit but it was doing nothing but making her wish that Skinner hadn't confiscated her weapon after the unfortunate incident with the poodle. Scully sighed and made a beeline for yet another all-purpose gift store. Christmas had used to be one of her favourite times of the year, but it seemed every year her Christmas just became worse. Well that wasn't entirely true, she had enjoyed the romp in the "haunted house" with Mulder.
The endless rows of stuffed animals, specialty measuring cups, and windchimes stared back at Scully. She had left her shopping until the last minute, and was now regretting it. She hadn't felt up to going out much lately, well except to the office and the local grocery store. She glared at a large brown stuffed bear holding a heart that proclaimed "I LOVE U". It was the kind of present she claimed she hated but would love to receive. Her eyes fell on a small book entitled "THE XXX FILES", she picked it up and snickered. It was something Mulder would love, but Mulder wasn't there to love it. She decided to buy it anyways.
Two long hours later Scully had picked out a gift for everyone on her list, except Skinner. She thought maybe she could just name her baby after him, even if it was a girl and call that his Christmas gift for the next twenty years. She could just imagine her little girl on her first day of school as the teacher called the roll, "Walter Mulder?" Little Walter would raise her hand... Nah, maybe that wasn't such a good idea, Walter was such an unfortunate name. Of course she could always use his last name.... Scully briefly considered forgoing giving her mother the electric girdle she had picked out and giving it to Skinner instead but then realized that Skinner probably had no use for electric undergarments. She considered the contents of her bags, trying to decide whether any of the articles would make an appropriate gift for her boss. The edible underwear for Byers was definitely out, as were the "Happy Balls" boxers for Frohike. Scully groaned and went into the nearest men's clothing store.
As soon as Scully entered the store, a young man scurried up to Scully. His name tag informed Scully that his name was "Billy-Bob-Joe-Susan-Ellie Mae-Jimmy-John-Frank" He grinned at her and Scully snickered. She took a deep breath, "Howdy Billy-Bob-Joe-Susan- Ellie Mae-Jimmy-John-Frank, I'm looking for a present for the exceedingly boring boss. Got anything without zippers, buttons or anything else that may hinder his getting dressed in the morning?"
Billy-Bob-Joe-Susan-Ellie Mae-Jimmy-John-Frank nodded and showed Scully to the old folks section of the store. Scully plowed through the piles of elastic waist pants, slip on shoes, and collar-less shirts, then she saw it. It just screamed "Skinner" as she gazed at it. Agent Scully was in love. Billy-Bob-Joe-Susan-Ellie Mae-Jimmy-John-Frank saw that the woman had become completely enamoured with their most popular item of the holiday season, the man-bra. It was made from gentle fibres to eliminate the rubbing against chest hair, yet the material was thin enough to be discrete underneath tights dress shirts. Scully sighed happily, it was perfect. Now, as Skinner ran to apprehend suspects, he would no longer have to deal with the uncomfortable movement of his unwieldly man-boobs.
Now if Scully could run, she would have run out of that mall as fast her little legs could carry her, but she resembled a small hippo and her newly acquired wisdom told her that those things don't generally move real fast. It was snowing out, naturally and Scully was feeling the overwhelming urge to make a snowman. She tried to ignore it and find her car, but on the way through the parking lot she found herself rolling small balls of snow. When she reached her car, she placed the balls on the hood. After several minutes Scully giggled gleefully and got into her car. She slowly drove around the parking lot so everyone could admire her creation. Scully drove home real slowly so she wouldn't wreck her Snow!Mulder (as she'd taken to calling it) and did her best to ignore the other drivers tailgating and hurling profanities her way.
Once safely through the door of her apartment, Scully set to work on wrapping her carefully chosen gifts. She hoped her mother would enjoy the electric girdle and that it would fit alright. Scully's little Christmas tree kept her company during those long minutes as she wrapped the gifts. As Scully looked out into the night sky, she put her hand over the baby inside her and prayed that Mulder might come back in time to for her to give him his gift.