Title: Bittersweet Renaissance
Summary: Let's all take a field trip into the depths of Scully's mind! Scully kind of dies in childbirth, but, since this is a Scully POV, she doesn't stay dead long. Just give it a chance!
The pain is gone now; so is the earsplitting noise. A baby's shrieks, some kind of siren, and, most prominent, my partner calling out a name. Dana. He never calls me that. Stop it, Mulder. Don't be scared. Look how beautiful it is. The way the light dances over everything- can't you see it? You must not be able to. If you could, you wouldn't be crying.
The light's growing. No- wait- come with me, Mulder. I don't want to go alone.
Alone- I'm far from it. Here, all around me, are those I thought I'd lost long ago. Queequeg, Missy, Emily, many other friends and close acquaintances. And, of course, Ahab. I laugh. How ridiculous- I thought they were dead, years dead. They were here, waiting for me, all along.
Ahab pulls me into a hug. He is soon joined by all others capable of embracing me- that is, everybody but Queequeg, who leaps excitedly at my ankles.
I missed you, Ahab.
Strange, I still can't hear a thing.
This place feels so familiar. Everything is a gentle white, not blinding like- I can't remember what, but something terrible, someplace far from here. I know I've been in this room before, but I had to leave. I wanted to leave. Now, I can't imagine why. There is nothing but this emptiness, never has been, never will be.
Everybody is leaving. No, not leaving, changing. Queequeg's the first to go. I am holding him in my arms when he suddenly weighs nothing. He starts to shine brighter than the brightest star, and then, like crystal shattering, he splits into billions and billions of tiny particles of pure energy. The being that was my dog wraps itself around me for a nanosecond, and then completely vanishes.
Missy goes, and then Ahab. I wait for Emily to vanish, but she doesn't. Instead, she takes my hand. I feel an amazing warmth wash over me, and then I feel nothing. I look at Emily. She is made of stars, as am I. We float to the source of the white.
A blinding flash, then dark.
As my eyes adjust to the change in environment, I notice tiny pinpoints of light. All are dwarfed further by the immense silver sphere behind us.
All the miniscule dots transform into impossibly thin threads of light. Directly ahead of us is a growing blue ball. It expands and expands, and suddenly- we're inside. *Home* I hear- no, my ears are still nonfunctory- feel Emily say.
I know no home.
There was no before. I don't know any before, either. All I know is the white and, now, the contrast of silver on black.
*You'll be surprised*
We accelerate closer, closer. I can see with my non-eyes different forms in the green spots on the ever-moving blue. Green gives way to gray shapes, ugly against the original purity of this place.
We stop at the front of one of these atrocities.
*This was home*
I can't remember.
I don't want to.
Another blemish, this one much larger.
Inside this thing. We stop by a small room, dark and quiet.
An intrusive thought enters my head.
FBI's most unwanted.
A poster on the wall: I want to believe.
"You are here" scribbled on a small yellow square.
*See? You're starting to remember*
No. Make it stop, Emily.
We're moving again. Good. No time to think when we're moving like this.
No, Emily. We can't stop. Please.
*What are you afraid of?*
Another impurity on the green. There is motion inside, flashing lights outside.
Why are we here?
Inside another room. There are many people here, but if they see us, they pay us no attention. I can see a raven haired woman, a large bald man, a shorter, wiry man, an older woman, a tall, dark haired man holding a baby. They are all looking lost, lost like I feel now. There are also some other moving figures, all dressed the same in white and red jackets.
All activity is centered around a small figure in the center of the room. I try to look closer at this cause of frenzy, but Emily stops me.
Why not? I thought you were showing me everything.
*Not everything. Just what you need to see. If you look at THAT, you can't come back- everything will change*
What is it, Emily?
*Nothing- please- I just wanted you to say goodbye-*
Goodbye? To who?
*Them. Come on, let's go...Mommy...*
No. I need to see.
*Please. If you see, you leave me*
At least tell me who they are.
*All I can give you are names. Monica Reyes. Walter Skinner. John Doggett. Margaret Scully*
What about him? The man with the baby?
No. Tell me.
*Fox Mulder. The baby has no name*
*Her mother died*
That's what THAT is? The baby's mother? Why can't I look, then?
*Don't ask me that any more*
Emily. Tell me.
*You can't come back with me. You have to go back THERE if you know*
*It's you. You are the mother. Happy? You have to go back to that pain, triviality now. I need to leave*
I love you.
I can hear again.
"Step away, Mr. Mulder- I said STEP AWAY. There's nothing we can-"
"The baby, what about the baby-"
"Shit- Shit- Shit-"
"My daughter- What's going on-"
"Mulder, let them take her. She's go-"
I open my eyes. Mulder's own teary eyes meet me in return.
"Hi," I breathe.
A baby's cry breaks the quiet.