Title: Oh What a Night
Authors: Cheryl Cohen (alias: The Stinker) and Annie Reed(alias: FancyKatz)

Summary: On Halloween, Mulder is drafted to baby-sit some small relatives and his well-meaning efforts to take them trick or treating cause nothing but trouble.

Authors' note: Well, Let's hope that the old saying "Two Heads are Better than One" has some merit....Sooo....Here's a "double header" HA HA....With the somewhat somber tone in the show right now, Annie and I thought it would be kind of nice to write something with just a little bit of a lighter tone. You know ....lighten up the 'spirits' a little. So here is the result of our 'Labors" Enjoy.....

Fox Mulder placed his aching head on his desk and groaned loudly as Scully waltzed into the room, humming a familiar tune. He vaguely remembered hearing it at the Bureau Halloween Masquerade Ball that they'd been to the night before. It was an annual benefit that *everyone* was expected to attend. Since he didn't indulge in party-going very often, he tended to seize the moment when the opportunity arose with the same intensive gusto that he usually reserved for the pursuit of his cases. In this particular instance, he'd really gone on a partying binge. He shifted his chin slightly forward on his folded arms and rolled his eyes up to look at her move energetically across the room to the coffee pot.

"Must you breathe so loudly?" he grumbled, somewhat irked at her infernal cheery disposition....He felt like shit.

She poured a cup of coffee, set it down on the desk in front of him, and responded by arching one lovely eyebrow.

Oh God, he thought. The dark brown liquid sloshing around in the cup sounded like a tsunami in his ears and the mere thought of "waves" made him ill.

"My.....have "we" got just a little bit of a hangover this morning?" she teased.

"*We*?" he asked, in a cracking voice. "Careful Scully, you're beginning to sound like a doctor," he remarked testily. "*You* weren't the one who was up early this morning paying homage to the great porcelain god....I was.....and yeah, I've got a hangover that'd make an alien abduction seem like the teacup ride at the fair."

"Mulder, she snickered lightly, "just because you went dressed as a pirate, it didn't mean that you had to *act* like one. I mean, I really think you may have taken the yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum just a tad too far."

"What makes you say a thing like that?" he asked sardonically.

She smiled wistfully and chuckled, "Oh, I don't know.....Maybe it was your 27th rendition of "It's a Pirate's Life for Me," after you drank the bottle of Jamaican rum we brought along as a prop. Then again, it could have been, when in response to Agent Pinto's rather crude "Spooky Mulder" remark, you in turn, inquired as to whether or not, like the car, he would "explode" if rear-ended. ...I don't *even* want to discuss what you proposed to do with the stuffed parrot."

"Parrot?".....Oh yeah, I think I remember that one," he replied as embarrassment flooded his features like a red tide.

"Face it, you were polluted to the gills, blitzed to the max, bombed beyond all comprehension," Scully paused, temporarily running out of euphemisms for the sorry state Mulder had gotten himself into. And in the end, you passed out on my couch. I can see why you don't party very often. You *do* have just a *little* problem with moderation. Don't you do anything mediocre?"

He peered up at her one more time before resting his head back down on the desk and muttered, "yeah.....sleep."

Just as he thought he might doze off into welcomed oblivion, the phone rang next to his right ear, making him jump. In his haste to silence the noise, which was echoing all out of proportion in his head, he accidentally fumbled with the receiver and dropped it onto the floor.

Seeing that he was more than reluctant to retrieve it, Dana bent down, picked it up and spoke crisply into the mouthpiece, "Scully..." A warm smile spread across her face as she talked.

"Catie?" How nice to hear from you again." She glanced at Mulder who was emphatically shaking his head and mouthing the word "Nooo." She ignored him and asked, "How are the children"...oh, that's too bad...did you ever get that mess in the kitchen taken care of?..So the insurance paid everything....that's good. No, we were at a party....Well, I don't know...you'll have to ask him. Hold on a minute."

Mulder stared at her with a look of betrayal and mimed slashing his throat with a swift motion of his forefinger. Scully placed her hand over the mouthpiece and whispered, "Mulder, what's your problem? It's your cousin and she wants to ask you something."

"I *know* what she wants," he hissed quietly, "and the answer is *NO*...tell her I'm sick, that's not a lie...or that I'm having a tooth pulled or something....anything..."

"You're not having a tooth pulled and I'm not gonna lie for you."

"Jesus, Dana," he replied desperately, "make an appointment for me and I'll *get* one pulled just so you don't have to lie about it. Last time the little trolls almost got my ass killed and now you think I should agree to a repeat performance so they can finish the job? No thank you."

"Fox Mulder," she steamed, "stop being so melodramatic. They're just children."

"Yeah.....and the Black Plague was nothing but a minor heat rash epidemic."

"You're overreacting." It amazed Dana how just the idea of dealing with these little kids could totally overwhelm her normally capable partner. They may not be angels, but they were just kids, after all.

"How can you say that?" he whined. "You *saw* what happened last time."

"Here, talk to her *Now.*" She handed him the phone before he could protest any further as she sat down on the edge of his desk to listen.

Clearing his throat and swallowing hard, he croaked, "Hi Catie, what's up? Gee, I don't...Well, I'm kinda under the weather...How do *you* know I'll feel better by tonight?...But....I...Yeah I know...'Mulders' can't hold their liquor. Why do you always say that like it's some kind of undesirable genetic aberration. Catie, I really....They do?....I am?...." Mulder shut his eyes, giving in to the inevitable. "Why do I always let you do this to me?....Right....Ok, when?...Bye."

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

"I'm a 'real sweetheart'," he replied mockingly, "and 'dependable'. Just goes to show how dysfunctional my family really is...I'm *dependable*?"

"Well you are, in a weird sort of way." Dana smiled down at him and gently ruffled his hair.

"Oh, thanks a lot.... I think."

"So?"

"So, I've got to take them out tonight at 7:00." Mulder paused, his pride warring briefly with an overwhelming fear of being left alone with his cousin's three kids from hell. Fear won. "Dana..." he began.

"Glad to," she cut in, "sounds like fun."

"Fun? Dana, black cats go out of their way to avoid crossing in front of MacLeods...it's bad luck....not to mention...dangerous."

"Oh come on, you know you're exaggerating," she cajoled as she lowered herself down to desktop level, placed her face close to his and peered mischievously into his beautiful, bloodshot, eyes. "Where's your sense of adventure, Sherlock?" she murmured.

"Somewhere at the bottom of a Jamaican rum bottle, Dr. Watson," he smirked.

Mulder felt lucky that they had no major cases pending today. His usual keen investigative mind just wasn't up to the task of assimilating obscure clues into some kind of coherent order. Although it was part of the job he normally abhorred, today he was grateful that they were still wading through the reams of paperwork generated by their last case....A successfully solved mystery that resulted in the capture, and disbandment of an international terrorist group, the confiscation of millions of dollars worth of illegal arms, and the foiling of a potential air disaster. It was an experience that had left his arm in a cast and his eyes temporarily blinded for three days. He wasn't exactly certain that he was up to taking on the MacLeod children right now....even with Dana's help.

Oh well, it's a little late now for second thoughts. Catie had managed to do it to you again and once again....you let her, he thought disgustedly. Mulder, you're a chump, he told himself as he sipped the coffee that Dana had left on his desk. He watched covertly as she went around the corner and out of sight to retrieve her own cup. As soon as he thought she could no longer see him, he removed a long thin letter opener from beneath a pile of files and deftly shoved it down the cast. Damn itch was so blasted vague...he could never quite seem to locate the exact spot and it was slowly but surely driving him to distraction. Just a little bit farther down, he judged, pushing the file down and to the right. God, this was aggravating.

"What do you think you're doing?" The scolding, familiar voice startled him so badly that he lost his grip on the file and it slid down into the cast so far that he couldn't reach it.

Shit....caught in the act. Maybe she hadn't seen, he hoped optimistically. But all hopes were dashed to hell when he looked up sheepishly and saw her standing stubbornly in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, impatiently tapping one foot. No such luck. She'd seen....damn.... And he thought only his mother had that uncanny ability to catch him every time he tried to get away with something.

"What did you just drop in there?" she asked obstinately. Honestly, sometimes he was worse than a three year old. Every time she turned her back on him, he was finding some new and creative method to degrade that damn cast. It seemed to her that he suffered from some strange form of claustrophobia..but instead of fearing small places, he feared confinement or immobilization of a part of his body and it was slowly turning him into a basket case.

"Nothing," he lied badly as he hung the cast down and unsuccessfully attempted to dislodge the file by giving his arm a slight shake. He saw the disbelief register in her eyes and decided perhaps it was in his best interest to come clean and fess up, though he didn't feel that it was necessary to inform her about all the *other* various items that he'd lost down this particular void in the last couple of days.

"OK," he admitted reluctantly, then mumbled softly, "it was a letter opener."

"Oh Good Grief," she admonished. "You had to pick a nice *sharp* object, didn't you? What if it cut you or an irritation set in? It could get infected....germs just *love* warm, moist, places. Do you actually want to lose an arm over a stupid fracture? We're going back to the hospital."

"What for?" Oh boy....he hadn't figured on this turn of events.

"To get the cast replaced. Come on, let's go."

When he showed a reluctance to move, she added, "I mean it, Mulder. You don't come with me and I won't go with you tonight."

With that threat issued, he grudgingly left his chair and followed her through the open door.

"I don't *believe* you," she announced hotly as they left the hospital and got into the car. "I was so embarrassed when the doctor opened that thing up and all that "stuff" fell out."

"Oh lighten up will ya? It wasn't *that* much," he stated, adopting a defensive posture.

"Oh no?" she glared, "Let's see, it was *only* a piece of a coat hanger, a nail file, plastic fork, and of course, the missing letter opener. Some people don't have that much junk under their sofa cushions!"

The ride back to the office was uncomfortable, to say the least. Scully sat glaring out the window, refusing to talk to him. Mulder, for his part, had finally gotten the hang of driving one-handed, more or less. He tried one more attempt at conversation as he pulled in to his parking place.

"Come on, Dana," he said getting out of the car. "It really isn't all that bad. Don't cast have to be replaced sometimes anyway?"

Gee, Mulder, that might be true. But I think you've set a hospital record this time...three casts in one week."

"A dubious honor, no doubt," he complained as they walked toward the tall, stark, J. Edgar Hoover Building.

Dana pouted. Sometimes he could be so blasted dense and this situation warranted drastic measures to get her point across. She smiled as an idea formed in her head.

He was just about to walk through the front door when he felt the pressure on his right wrist and heard the metallic click. Startled, he looked down to discover that he was handcuffed to Dana Scully.

"What the hell are you doing?" his voice squeaked slightly in surprise.

"Keeping you out of cast number four," she replied with conviction.

Well this was a switch...not that he actually minded being handcuffed to Dana. In fact, the primitive part of his brain saw some real potential here....However, not now...and not in public.

"Now who's overreacting?" he chided. "Dana, gimme the key. No response. "Dana? Come on....I promise that I'll leave the damn thing alone."

"That's what you said the last two times," she reminded him.

"I really mean it this time," he begged.

"You really meant it the *last* two times too." She looked up at him and smiled sweetly. "It's for your own good." God, he hated it when someone said that to him.

"Look, I'm not going in there like this, so you might as well give me the ......." He never got to finish the sentence before she gave him an unsuspectingly powerful yank that pulled him through the door.

"Key...." The word finally escaped his lips as he noticed fellow agents and office personnel giggling under their breaths in amusement. It seems that his "cast" predicament had become a popular topic of interest among the gossipmongers and they eagerly awaited this next installment. He doubted that they had expected anything *this* good. Boy, people will talk about anything...

She pulled him forcefully along through the offices and down the hallway to the elevator.

"Dana," he whispered in a menacing tone, "take this thing off...people are staring."

"Let them," she said, striking a defiant pose.

Oh great, he though as he notice Agent Carter headed in their direction. The man was a moron with the IQ of a squid who seemed to derive great pleasure from tormenting him whenever the opportunity arose...like now. This guy must hang out at elevators, he thought wryly. This was the exact same spot that he'd had it out with this mental midget several months ago.

"Hey Spooky," he snorted as he studied Mulder's handcuffed wrist," I don't remember kinky B&D as being part of the festivities at the party last night. So, is this how you get your dates?"

This asshole really pissed him off and he seriously considered decking the scuzball. In the end however, he decided the jerk wasn't worth the effort and he didn't have a free hand to hit him with anyway. Instead, he merely looked at him smugly and with a totally serious expression replied, " Now who told you about the B&D? And to think you weren't even invited. If I were you, I wouldn't be too upset about it...They probably knew that you weren't "equipped" to handle the situation and not "up" to their standards. Maybe you should try for an invitation next year, although I wouldn't get my hopes up too high ....As for getting dates...."

Scully interrupted. "For your information, *I*, cuffed *him*," she purred seductively as she tugged on his cuffed arm, "Let's go Mulder, we have some unfinished business to attend to" They stepped into the elevator, leaving Carter to pick his chin up off the floor.

"Well, there goes your reputation," Mulder commented with concern. "Carter's got the biggest damn mouth in the Bureau and by this time tomorrow he'll have everybody convinced that we're into 'Wild and Kinky Sex'. I should have just ignored him."

"What's wrong with 'wild sex'?" she baited him with a devilish glint, "it never seemed to bother you before."

"Not a damn thing is wrong with hot, passionate, wild, sex......it's the "kinky" part that bothers me. I may get a little creative but I'm not "kinky." I guess I'm just concerned about the "perverted" twist that vacuum-brained, shit-filled, butt munch will put into the whole matter. Can I have the key now?"

She took the key from her pocket and dangled it teasingly in front of him. "You mean...this little key?"

"Yeah, that key.." He made a grab for it but she dropped it down the front of her blouse where it disappeared into her cleavage.

"Oops," she murmured with feigned innocence.

He lowered his eyes to where the key had vanished, raised one eyebrow, and remarked in a challenging tone, "I *hope* that wasn't meant to be a deterrent."

The elevator stopped and she led him out and down the hall where he planted both feet and stopped in front of the men's room door.

"Dana, I really need the key....."

"Why?"

He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "Because I've gotta go.....and if you don't want to come in and hold it for me....I *need* the key."

She stood for a moment in contemplation and then just said out of the blue, "new suit, Mulder?"

"Yeah, why?" he asked rather puzzled.

"Looks like an Armani. Expensive, huh?"

"OK, so I splurged."

"It would be a shame if anything happened to it."

"What are you getting at?" he inquired suspiciously.

She took the key and unlocked the handcuff on her wrist but just as he turned to go in, she slipped it through two of his belt loops.

"Jesus Christ, Dana, this is, pardon the expression, getting way out of hand. Look, I only have one good arm and you've just efficiently rendered it useless."

"Use the fingers on your other hand," she suggested.

"He turned back to her slowly, looked her in the eye and stated patiently, "*Fingers* are *not* gonna be *adequate*.....you of all people, should know that."

She pondered for a minute, then replied, "I'll have to admit....your right about that." She unlocked him from his belt loops and waited outside of the door.

The remainder of the day was spent annotating files and he seldom left his desk. It wasn't that he didn't want to leave. .. He couldn't. She sneakily had managed to cuff him to the locked top drawer. This "cuff" thing was really becoming annoying. She'd made her point so why in the hell was she being so damn persistent in this particular course of action. He tried to think about the whole situation objectively and came to the conclusion that perhaps her actions may have had "some" justification, since he knew for certain, had he been able, he would have had that infernal piece of plaster in shreds by now. So he kept his mouth shut and meekly finished the last file on his desk. He heaved a loud sigh which drew her attention. She crossed the room, leaned over, placed her elbows on the desk, then rested her chin in her palms.

"About ready to get out of here?" she asked.

He lifted his arm as far as the handcuffs would allow and mumbled, "Only if you're ready to get these things off of me. You made your point. In fact, I got the point a long time ago so will you please grant me a reprieve. You have my *word* that I won't mess with it even when it pushes me over the edge of sanity." His eyes pleaded for sympathy and she found herself unable to deny him. As she granted him his freedom, she remarked offhandedly, " Okay, Let's go....the kiddies are waiting."

"Oh joy. I'm so happy," he growled under his breath. Would you mind stopping by my place so I can change? I've discovered from past experiences that when dealing with MacLeod children, one requires more durable attire than a Armani suit......Say....perhaps a suit of armor would be more apropos. A word of advice....If you want to keep your good clothes in wearable condition, I suggest that you follow my example."

Well, she couldn't argue with that suggestion...even though her reasons for changing clothes had more to do with comfort rather than a fear of destroying an expensive suit.

"Now, *that* sound like a wonderful idea. Are we all gonna be *treated* to another costume?" she inquired with anticipation.

"I don't *have* another costume," he told her as they left the building and got into the car.

"Why don't you just use that vivid imagination of yours to come up with something."

"Hey, only if you do the same." He met her gaze and flung down a silent challenge as they pulled up in front of his apartment and went inside.

"Mulder, what are you doing in there?" she yelled.

He'd disappeared into his bedroom and shut the door and all she could hear were muffled sounds of drawers opening and doors closing and several unidentifiable thuds.

"Taking a trip down memory lane, back to a "wilder, freer" time in my life," he yelled back nostalgically. "This is as close as I'm gonna come to a "costume" tonight so get a good look at it cause it'll probably be another twelve years before I get brave enough or drunk enough to wear this garb again. He walked back through the door and mumbled under his breath..."Can't believe I actually wore this shit." He stood in the middle of the room, stared at her and lifted an eyebrow. "Well?" he asked, waiting for an opinion.

She leaned against the back of the couch and realized that she'd forgotten that her mouth was still soundlessly open. Her gaze began at a very large pair of black, leather biker's boots with small gold chains around the ankles, moved up to very tight fitting, soft black leather jeans, topped with a beautiful, gold, chain link belt, held in place with a "Harley" belt buckle. She assumed that the belt was for looks because there was no way in hell that those pants were ever gonna fall off. Tucked inside the pants was a black, "Bear Whiz Beer" T-shirt with the sleeves ripped out and in his black leather, gloved hands, he held a worn biker jacket of the same material. But the one thing that really caught her attention, besides the obvious, was the gold, elongated skull earring that dangled from his ear.....it was pierced. He'd neglected to shave that morning due to his hangover and the resulting five o' clock shadow only added to the appearance of his being a very "rough" character.

When he received no response to his request for an opinion, he assumed that perhaps he'd gone too far and she was just trying to spare his feelings by *not* telling him that he looked "stupid." He started to make a hasty retreat back to his room when she came to her senses and stepped in front of him. His face became a huge question mark.

"I like it," she stated in her no-nonsense tone. "There's only one thing that I want to know, at least for now. Where did you get that outfit?"

"Dana," he breathed her name. "I wasn't always in the FBI, you know. I had my share of some good old fashioned college experimentation. Which is why I no longer have the Harley. I kinda did a crash and burn taking a curve at 80mph on the Auto bon and ended up in traction for three weeks at which time, I made a conscious decision to retire the bike and the duds. Unfortunately, retiring the bike didn't prevent me from still doing dumb shit. Soooo, let's go to your place, pick up your stuff and get the show on the road.

They dropped by her place where she changed into a comfortable pair of jeans, sneakers, and a blue, silk blouse that he'd given her about a year or so ago in Miami. She also packed a large tote bag that he obviously didn't seem to notice. He was too busy visualizing what was beneath the the soft clinging material to care about the bag which is what she'd intended. The old art of misdirection, she chuckled to herself, and in this respect....he was easily distracted.

She tossed the bag into the back seat of the car as they got in and drove away.

Arlington, Virginia 6:55 p.m.

"I believe the first step would be to get out of the car." Dana had been watching Mulder silently ever since they parked across the street from his cousin's house, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles had turned white. She just couldn't take it any longer.

Mulder took a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right. The sooner we start the sooner we get this over with."

"Mulder, " Dana scolded, "you're just not approaching this with the right attitude. Halloween *can* be fun, you know."

"How would you know?" he challenged, locking his door. He gave up trying to stuff his car keys into the pocket of his black leather pants and slipped them into his jacket pocket instead. Funny, he didn't remember these things being so tight.

"Are you kidding?" Dana retorted. "The one night in the year where I could dress up and play tricks on all those stuffy military types?" Well, that and all that free candy. Dana chuckled at the memory. "Halloween was my next favorite holiday, right after Christmas."

"So, you've got a major sweet tooth, huh? Tell ya what....Get yourself a costume and I'll take "you" out. Hell, you're small enough that nobody'd notice. I wouldn't tell....just as long as you gave me all the chocolate. What was your favorite costume, anyway?" he asked curiously.

"You'll find out," Dana said, pulling him closer to whisper in his ear, "that is, if you're a very, very, good boy."

Mulder didn't have time to retort-- in fact, he barely had time to register that Dana was carrying a rather large tote bag before the door to his cousin's house burst open and a blue helmeted whirlwind emerged. It screeched something as it ran toward him and aimed a particularly good imitation of a roundhouse karate kick at his thigh, connecting squarely with muscle.

"Duncan, get back in here and quit practicing on your cousin!"

Catie appeared in the doorway as the blue helmeted hobgoblin ran past her back into the house. "Sorry, Fox," Catie said, "It used to be Ninja Turtles, now it's Power Rangers."

"That's okay, Catie," Mulder said, rubbing his thigh. "One more little bruise will hardly be noticeable."

"One of these days we'll have to blend all the bruises together so you can go trick or treating next year as a great big Smurf. "Mulders" are notoriously accident prone," she added in a factual tone." Mulder open his mouth to reply but Catie turned her back, winked at Dana and instructed with practiced patience, "Dana, I'll put your bag in the spare bedroom. It'll be there when you need it."

Mulder caught the look that passed between Dana and his cousin's wife. This was not a good omen....Dana conspiring with a MacLeod? After today, he didn't even want to imagine what was cooking in that auburn tressed head of hers.

"What's going on here, ladies?" he asked with puzzled concern.

"Oh, I imagine you'll find out in time," Catie replied with a smile. Dana only gave him a grin, but there was something devilish dancing in those blue/grey eyes.

"That's what I'm afraid of....," he mumbled with an air of foreboding.

"So, how did you break your leg, Catie?" Dana asked, following Catie as she made her way awkwardly on crutches into the living room.

Catie sighed...a familiar sound known to long-suffering mothers everywhere. "You know those 'educational' toys, you know, the ones that are supposed to give the little ones a head start in school and are guaranteed not to hurt the kid? Well, Flora left one on the stairs, and Riley just *had* to try and race me to the front door....and you can guess the rest. All I can tell you is that bouncing down the stairs is *much* funnier when the Three Stooges do it."

Mulder held up his freshly casted arm. "I'll sign yours, if you'll sign mine," he offered.

"How about I'll trade you for yours instead of mine," Catie countered. "At least you can still get around without feeling like you're competing in a three legged race...and losing badly." Catie paused. "Sorry, Fox...it's just with Alex being out of town, and me trying to get around like this..." she raised one crutch for emphasis, "I guess my temper's a little short these days."

"There's a lot of that going around," Mulder said as he stole a sideways glance at Scully. She lifted one eyebrow and mouthed the word 'handcuffs' at him.

Just about then Mulder felt a tug on his pants leg. He looked down into a small lion face that looked back up at him.

"And who are you supposed to be?" he asked Flora.

"I'm Nala," she replied, somewhat muffled behind the mask. This didn't help Mulder at all, and he looked to Catie for an explanation.

"The Lion King, Fox," Catie explained. His blank expression didn't change one iota. "Fox Mulder, you mean to tell me that you haven't heard of the movie 'The Lion King,' Disney's latest animated nightmare for parents everywhere?"

"I didn't know Disney made scary movies for kids," Mulder began, but Catie cut him off.

"No, Fox, they're cute and adorable and the kids love 'em....that's the problem.. .Do you have any idea how much Lion King stuff is out there on the market? Alex and I could go broke trying to keep little Flora here satisfied with Lion King action figures, happy meals, coloring books, play sets, dishes, t-shirts, sheets, blankets, video games...."

Mulder held up his hand, stemming the tide. "Consider me informed...really."

Dana looked around. "Aren't we missing someone?"

Catie nodded. "Kaitlin. As of yesterday, she still hadn't decided what she wanted to be. I imagine she's putting the finishing touches on her costume."

Catie tilted her head to look up the staircase and shouted for her one remaining, missing trick or treater. "You better get a move on, young lady, or they'll be leaving without you!"

"Be right there, mom!" And a second later, "hey mom,.......where do you keep the safety pins? I can't find any in your dresser!"

What do you need safety pins for..." Catie stopped, as the full impact of what she'd heard sunk in. "And *what* are you doing in my dresser??"

"Working on my costume...never mind, I found some. I'll be right down. Cousin Fox, you're gonna love my costume!"

"I can hardly wait," Mulder muttered under his breath.

"Do you need flashlights?" Catie asked. "I think I have a couple around here somewhere."

"No, that's okay, I have a flashlight in the car," Mulder replied. Seeing an opportunity to escape, even temporarily, he seized it. "I'll go out and get it--be right back."

Dana looked appreciatively at his rapidly retreating figure. Damn, those pants sure didn't leave much to the imagination. Idly she considered whether she would ever be able to talk him into wearing them again.

Dana turned back to Catie and remarked in an apologetic tone, "I'm sorry....he's just a little "hesitant" about tonight..."

"Oh...you don't have to apologize for him. I know he's uncomfortable 'baby sitting" the kids," she replied as a shadow of a smile crossed her face.

"Then why do you keep asking him to watch them?" Dana asked in confusion.

"For the same reason that I keep calling him 'Fox' when I know it bothers him. I've heard the story from family over the years...and from Alex. He was 'baby-sitting' when Sam disappeared...He was just a kid himself. He felt guilty and responsible for whatever happened to her and no one in that damn family would lift a finger to help him feel any other way. As a matter of fact it's my opinion that they actually reinforced his 'feelings'. Maybe it was to alleviate their own guilt---blame someone else--I don't know. All I know is that it was wrong. Fox is one of the gentlest people that I've ever met and though he may complain about the kids, I know he loves them and would *never* let anything happen to any one of them if was in his power to prevent it. Whether he realizes it or not, he *needs* to know that he's trusted with their welfare in spite of what happened 22 years ago." I would hate to see him withdraw from us and it could happen if I didn't keep after him...confront him ...make him 'deal' with what bothers him. I guess I'd better be careful or I might get arrested for practicing psychotherapy without a license.

"I won't tell," Dana replied with understanding." "To tell you the truth, I'm really glad that you care."

"More people care about him than he knows--if he would just trust them enough to let them in."

"Sometimes it's difficult to trust when you've been betrayed...and more than once, " Dana commented with a tinge of anger."

Catie reached over and gently patted Dana's arm. "He let *you* in....else he wouldn't have brought you here," she said with affection.

Dana smiled. "He brought me here because the thought of being left alone with the children scares the hell out of him."

"Exactly," Catie countered. "Men don't usually like to admit that they're afraid, especially strong-willed men....The mere fact that he brought you here and to the house the last time, indicates to me that he "trusts" you with his "flaws." I think you must be pretty special to him."

Dana blushed. "Lord, I hope so," she murmured quietly.

Outside, Mulder took in a deep breath of the relatively clean night air. Just being in the same house with those three hellions brought it all back -- burning curtains, flooded kitchen, exxploding chickens....and diapers, the worst of all. Yet he in the same thought, he also remembered Flora's hugs, and the angelic way they looked as they slept peacefully in their beds. What's the matter Mulder, he thought, you must be getting "soft." Uh oh....diapers....was Flora potty trained yet? Geez, he'd forgotten to ask, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. Well, they wouldn't be gone all that long, so it probably wouldn't matter.

The streets were already filling up with trick or treaters of all sizes, shapes, and demented imaginations. He saw the usual hobo costumes, the witches, skeletons, devils, angels,> how did that get to be a Halloween tradition he wondered?>, a pint-sized belly dancer, and various store-bought costumes with painted plastic masks like the one Flora wore. He remembered when he was very little, feeling totally lost in a costume like that. They never did cut the eye holes right, and the loss of his peripheral vision always disoriented him. He and Sam used to fight over who got the best candy.....they both loved chocolate -- and the dumb candy corn was always the last to go. Who in the hell invented candy corn anyway? Guess it would have to remain one of those 'mysteries' of life.

Sam always loved Halloween......shit. He shut that thought down firmly. Dana looked like she wanted to have fun tonight, and he wasn't going to let *his* childhood memories interfere with her fun and spoil this for *her.* Besides, if she *stayed* in such a good mood, they might both have a great deal of fun....later.

Cheered by the thought, he turned around to go back into the house. A small group of trick or treaters was marching back toward the sidewalk, having shown each of their costumes to Dana, who had rewarded each with a treat. Mulder stopped to let them go by. One particular costume caught his eye. It was a remarkably detailed alien, and for some reason it gave him the shivers. It reminded him of something. 'Oh yeah,' he thought, 'those alien surgeons in 'Fire in the Sky.' He hated that movie, but he had to admit that the kid had the costume down pat. His, or her, parents had probably doled out big bucks for that piece of latex.

"Hey, Dana, did you get a load of that kid in the alien costume......" he began. He stopped short when he saw Kaitlin's costume. A cheerleader? Okay...cute, but nothing too original.....

"Can you guess, Cousin Fox?" she demanded.

It couldn't be just a cheerleader. That would be too obvious. "Give me a hint."

Kaitlin cart wheeled over to stand in front of Mulder. Before he could react, she produced a hammer and a stake from the waistband of her cheer leading skirt, positioned the stake over his heart and drew back her arm, hammer poised to strike. "I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer!" she announced. "Don't ya love it, Cousin Fox?"

Vampires......god, that was one paranormal theory with which he had difficulty in believing. Show him an alleged vampire and he would show you a person with odd drinking habits and an allergic reaction to sunshine!

"That's......very.....interesting, Kaitlin," he managed to get out, deftly removing the stake from his chest. It looked like part of an old chair leg....wonder where she got that?....but it did have a rather sharp point. Considering his history with these kids, perhaps he could persuade her to leave her "props" at home. He didn't want to take any chances of being mistaken for a vampire at some point during the night.

Catie shook her head at him. "Didn't see that movie, either, did you, Fox?"

"Can't say that I did, although I'm not sure how I missed it." I saw "Nightmare before Christmas"....does that count?"

Catie's face looked just a little flushed, like she was trying to recover from a blush. Mulder looked at Kaitlin's cheer leading outfit...obviously several sizes too big, pulled back, folded over and held with safety pins. "Don't tell me, *you* were a cheerleader in high school!"

Catie blushed again..."yeah, I was....it's funny how your past always seems to catch up with you sooner or later." She looked over at her daughter, the picture of innocence. "And we're going to have a *long* talk when she gets back about asking for permission before rummaging around in my closet."

The blue helmeted hobgoblin reappeared. "Let's GO..." Duncan insisted. "All the really *good* candy is gonna be gone if we don't hurry!"

Equipped with his flashlight, Mulder and Dana led the group out the front door and down to the sidewalk. Catie waved good bye and shut the door. She looks just a little *too* relieved, Mulder thought.

"Al right," Dana said, addressing the group. "Let's get the ground rules straight. No fighting, punching, shoving, or stealing each other's candy." Three little faces -- well two faces and a helmet -- responded to her stern, no nonsense voice. "We will stay together. We will walk, not run, up to each house, and we will say thank you to each person who gives you candy. Got it?" Three heads nodded agreement, and the group set out into the night.

At first everything went fine. The kids knew the neighborhood and they led the way to each house, with Dana and Mulder bringing up the rear. The streets were pretty well lit in this area of Arlington and he hadn't needed to turn on the flashlight yet.

Mulder was surprised, actually -- they were being very well behaved, especially for MacLeods. It had to be Dana's influence. The monsters knew better than to mess with her. Must be that military upbringing...she really knew how to keep the troops in order. He was beginning to think he really might get out of this evening with nothing more than the bruise he felt developing on his thigh. He should've been able to recognize the eye before the storm.....

He wasn't sure when the argument started. Dana had stopped with Flora to readjust her mask. He had sort of slowed down somewhere between Dana and the two remaining MacLeods, since the older kids had flat out refused to sop for their little sister. He was trying to keep both groups in sight, which was not easy and when he returned his attention to the older kids, Duncan and Kaitlin were in the middle of round two of the sibling battle of the century.

"Ya got it all wrong, ya dweeb!" Duncan shouted at his sister.

"I do not, buzzard breath!" she shouted back.

"Oh yeah? Well, if you're so smart, how come you don't know Buffy doesn't use a hammer, donkey butt!"

"She does so, pee face!"

"She does not, butt munch! She kicks 'em in!!"

"You're sooo stupid," she screamed back at him. "Wussy little Power Ranger!"

"*I"m* a wussy?!?" Duncan couldn't back down from this insult, not from his stupid older sister, the curse of his young life. "Yeah, well I can kick better than you can!"

"Cannot!"

"Can too!"

"Oh, yeah?" Kaitlin stopped in her tracks, crossed her arms over her chest, and issued the ultimate childhood challenge. "Prove it, puss face!"

Mulder had been transfixed by this scene....he'd seen criminals in lockup that didn't know as many ways to dis someone as these kids did. But when they backed away from each other and went into psuedo-karate stances, he figured he'd better break it up before someone got hurt.

"Duncan, Kaitlin, knock it off....." He hadn't got the last word completely out when Kaitlin's foot connected squarely with his crotch. The world exploded into a red haze shot through with dancing stars, and as he sunk to the sidewalk in pain, he wondered what else these monsters were learning from T.V. and the movies. They definitely had the karate moves down. He didn't think Alex and Catie were sending them to karate class....god, he hoped not. If they were, he was going to have a real serious talk with his cousins about training future delinquents.

"Look what you made me do!" Kaitlin screamed at her brother.

"You just missed me, ya idiot!" Duncan yelled back. "You can't ever get anything right!"

"What is going on here?" Mulder heard Dana's voice dimly through the pain, which didn't show signs of subsiding real soon. Damn, that kid could *really* kick.

"He started it!"

"Nah uh....she started it!"

Dana glared at both of them. "I don't care *who* started it! One more incident like that and you can forget about trick or treating for the rest of the night, do you hear?"

Duncan and Kaitlin mumbled "yes, m'ams" under their breaths and backed into the fence which bordered this particular section of sidewalk. Flora detached herself from Dana's hand and wrapped her small arms around Mulder's neck....tight. "Okay, now?" she asked.

"Fine," Mulder choked out. "Flora, honey, Cousin Fox can't breathe..." He loosened one of her arms, and she used it to pat his back..."Take care of you," she said, continuing to pat him on the back like one of her dolls.

Mulder opened his eyes to find Dana looking down at him with a mixture of concern and amusement. "I can't leave you alone with these kids for a minute, can I?" she asked, glancing over at he older kids who were still backed up against the fence. "You gonna be okay there partner? No permanent damage, I hope?"

Mulder stood up with a grimace. Flora refused to detach herself from his neck, so he ended up holding her on his hip with his one good arm. He leaned over to whisper in Dan's ear, "you can examine me later, doctor.....just to make sure everything is still 'functional.'"

Dana's eyes lost their worried look....as long as he could crack jokes, he was okay. "You never know....I might decide you need a cast on another part of your anatomy, and you *know* how those things itch."

She turned back to the kids before he could compose himself enough for a retort. "Okay, let's get going, but I'm warning you....one more fight and that's it for tonight!"

They both looked down at their toes and mumbled something about being sorry and not getting into any more trouble. Kaitlin however, couldn't resist one last jibe as they turned to walk down the street..."Buttwipe," she whispered under her breath. Her brother looked up and shot her a bird when no one was looking.

The two older children walked ahead and Dana dropped back to see how the MacLeod's latest victim was faring. He didn't say anything but she knew he still had to be hurting, at least a little bit.

"Are you really gonna be all right," Dana asked again because in spite of his protests, he looked a little green around the edges.

"I'll be fine," he reassured her as he slid Flora to the ground and watched her run up to the next house. She came back smiling happily and waving a large candy bar in front of their faces.

"See Candy, Fox?" She offered it to him and wrapped her arms around his leg. He gently patted her head and replied, "No, that's ok...Fox is feeling better now...." He picked her up again and seeing that Duncan and Kaitlin were already two houses ahead of them, quickened his pace to catch up .

Dana was first to reach them. Kaitlin and Duncan ignored her....they were busy picking their candy up off the ground. She saw that their bags had been tossed onto a hedge bordering the sidewalk.

"What happened?" she inquired as Mulder limped his way over to them.

Kaitlin, of course, was first to elucidate. "Some jerky kid in an alien costume ran by, dumped our candy and tossed our bags in the bushes," she wailed.

"Yeah, and I didn't even get a chance to kick his butt, either," Duncan complained.

"Did he look like those aliens in 'Fire in the Sky'," Mulder asked, following a hunch.

"Yeah," Duncan cried, "How did you know? "

"I think I saw him earlier at the house...wonder why he'd try to steal candy. I mean with a costume like that, his folks probably could afford to buy him the whole candy store." Maybe he was looking for Reeses Pieces, he snickered to himself. He had to give the little ET credit, though.... there weren't many life forms that could take candy away from MacLeods and survive to tell the tale.

Scully knelt down on all fours and tried to help the kids salvage some of their lost booty as Mulder retrieved the bags from the bushes. He looked around....then up the street and down the street.... He looked behind the bushes where he was standing. Mulder, don't panic, he told himself.....He took a deep breath and urgently called Dana's name. Dana gazed at him with a questioning look as he inquired hopefully, "Where's Flora? Do you see her?" Dana got up and stared in all directions without luck.

"Wasn't she with you?" Dana asked worriedly.

"No, I thought she was with you...."

Mulder was starting to panic. She could tell by the slight quiver in his voice and the look on his normally calm face.

They all began to call her name and when no one answered, Dana was becoming concerned too.

How could she have slipped away so quickly? He'd just turned to grab the stupid bags out of the hedge. Suddenly, he heard a dog barking about a block away. It didn't sound like a happy dog either....In fact, it sounded like a real nasty, bad-tempered kind of canine. He had a bad feeling about this and made a mad dash down the sidewalk with Dana and the kids following behind in his wake. He was fast....he just hoped that he was fast enough.

He stopped in front of the house with the dog. The gate, though not open, was unlocked...this was not a good sign. He heard a deep, low, growling sound and then a soft cherubic voice, reply, "good doggy...doggy want candy?" Oh Shit.....Okay, calm down, Mulder....be cool....think of something, goddamn it. He slowly opened the gate and slipped into the yard. He heard the growling get louder as he slowly and carefully walked toward Flora and the dog. < Christ, that's not a dog....that's a goddamn horse!> Inching his way behind Flora, he heard her say, "Fox, lookee....lookee at the big, big, puppy. Can I pet the big puppy, cousin Fox?"

Mulder whispered, fearing even that would be too loud. "No, Flora...don't move. Don't pet the puppy...the puppy doesn't want you to pet him. The puppy thinks you're gonna take something of his and he's really mad, so don't move. Okay?"

"Okay," she mumbled nonchalantly.

Mulder moved forward...so did the dog. He stooped down and took a Baby Ruth out of Flora's bag, unwrapped it and set it on the ground in front of them as a peace offering. Carefully, he slid Flora up his frame and backed away. The dog inched forward, Mulder inched backward. Just a couple more feet and he'd be home free.

Scully and the children had been watching and holding their breath on the other side of the fence during the rescue attempt and Dana had placed herself right outside the gate which was the lowest point of the perimeter.

He was almost there....Dana was ready to open the gate. He just had to get to it. Just as he was about to make his mad dash to the exit, the mutt decided it was time to make a mad dash for him.

The animal lunged forward. Mulder tossed Flora over the gate and hoped to God that Dana could catch. He felt pressure on his arm as the critter knocked him to the ground. He forced himself back up and realized the bastard had grabbed a mouthful of plaster. Serves ya right , ya son of a bitch. He gave the dog a mighty shove and ran like hell to the gate, where he made it out, but not before the angry mongrel took a bite out of his ass.

Dana heaved a sigh of relief. Mulder limped over to the the other side of the street and shakily leaned up against a very stationary tree. She followed him with the kids trailing behind her in single file. She lifted his left arm and inspected the puncture marks that the animals teeth had left in the plaster, then turned him around to have a look at the "other" injury. Well, she'd failed at keeping him out of cast number four..... he'd definitely need a new one. And although, the teeth marks in his butt didn't look too serious, he'd need a tetanus shot too.

"That's it," she stated. "Halloween's over...Let's go home before Cousin Fox kills himself."

"Aaahhh, come on," whined Duncan. "I didn't get hardly any candy at all...and what I did get, that stupid kid threw all over the ground."

"Yeah," Kaitlin added, " I'm not ready to go home yet....I mean just because a dog ate Fox's butt."

Mulder started to chuckle....

"What's so funny?" Dana inquired with surprise.

His eyes sparkled with something between pain and mirth as he cracked a broad grin and chortled, "Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Butt Munch', doesn't it? He shook his head.."just another typical evening with the MacLeods. Why let it spoil the kids' fun? Go ahead and let them finish. I'll manage, just give me Flora....she won't mind if I walk a little slow."

Flora walked over to him and pouted. "Doggie hurt Fox?" she asked.

"Nah, only a little bit. Don't worry about it. Fox is okay but do me a favor....don't leave me, okay? I might get scared." She smiled and nodded, then reached up and took his hand. Duncan and Kaitlin had already made it to the end of the block when he noticed that ET kid coming up behind them again. Dana and Mulder watched in disbelief as the kid once again performed a bump and run with the bags of candy. They ran to the end of the block but again were only in time to pick up the candy and retrieve the bags.

Mulder was fuming. "Where in the hell are this kid's parents?" he wondered out loud. "Having money doesn't give one the license to be an asshole."

Dana nudged him sharply in the ribs.

"What?"

"There are children here," she whispered, "Watch your language."

He blushed....he'd forgotten. God, the things he had to remember *not* to do when he was around them.

"Duncan, which way did the little........twit....go?" he asked slightly perturbed.

Duncan shrugged and stated in typical kid fashion, "I dunno." All he cared about was his candy.

"Kaitlin, did you see where he went?" Mulder asked, frustration building up. He was answered with another shrug.

Mulder scanned the area in every direction and made a decision. Nobody was going to victimize his relatives and get away with if he had anything to do about it. This kid whoever he was, needed a good talking to and a firm hand on the bottom. God help him if he ever caught this little public enemy.

He looked back at Dana, who already seemed to know what he was contemplating.

"Let it go, Mulder. The kid is probably home by now planning an axe murder or something."

"I know....it's just that kids like that spoil it for everyone else..." He guessed what made him the angriest was that he could remember when he was little, before his growth spurt set in at around age 11, being little and being picked on by bigger kids. He hated seeing it happen to his cousin's kids. Hell, he was the grown up here...he should be able to do something about it.

The kids had picked up their candy, again, and had headed off toward the next house, eager to replace what had been lost in this latest crude attempt to rip them off.

Unlike most of the houses they'd been to tonight, these people seemed just a little *too* obsessed with Halloween. Not content to just decorate the doors and windows with cardboard witches, skeletons, and black cats from the local Hallmark's this family had turned their entire front yard into a cemetery. Styrofoam tombstones dotted the front lawn. Tall grass, dead and brittle after the first few frosts of the year, clumped up around the foot of each tombstone. Mulder could have sworn he saw an open casket, or at least a good cardboard imitation of one sitting in the middle of the lawn, although it was hard to tell. Overgrown trees and shrubs, along with a tall fence, effectively blocked out the streetlight on the corner, and the only light in the yard came from the jack'o'lanterns lining the winding sidewalk. Mulder and Dana shared a look, and Mulder turned on his flashlight. This place looked like somewhere Eugene Tooms might call home.

"These people look like they enjoy Halloween even more than you do, Dana," he said as his flashlight beam picked out a figure hanging from the inevitable front yard tree. It was a remarkably realistic depiction of a hanged man, right down to a purple colored tennis ball stuck in the mask's mouth. On closer look, the mask bore a striking resemblance to a high political official. "Think these people might be Republicans?" Mulder wondered.

"Maybe they just don't think much of his health care proposals," Dana responded. "What in the world are you doing?"

Mulder was shining his flashlight over the names on each of the tombstones. Some of them were familiar to him, and the inscriptions on the headstones, especially the causes of death, were pretty damn funny. "Nothing....just looking for a familiar name."

"I don't think Skinner's gonna be there," she responded. "This place is a little *too* creepy, even for me. Let's just have the kids get the candy and get out of here, okay?"

Flora took one look at the yard and clamped herself to Mulder's leg. He picked her up and walked with the big kids to the front door.

The front porch was totally dark, but Duncan and Kaitlin didn't seem deterred in the least. They rang the bell and waited patiently. A slow creaking sound accompanied the opening of the front door.

Mulder would never admit it later, but even he jumped a little at what appeared in the front door. It looked like a disembodied face floating in the doorway, flesh ripped away from muscle, black eyes gleaming out from deep sockets, mouth opened in a maniacal grin....Flora screamed and buried her face, plastic mask and all, into Mulder's neck.

"Cooool," breathed Duncan in obvious envy.

"Oh, *gross*!" yelled Kaitlin.

"Waaaaa!" wailed Flora in Mulder's ear, little arms tightening around his neck once again.

Trying his best to calm Flora, Mulder took a second look at the apparition. It was a damn good Freddy Kruger mask, under lit by a flashlight held by unseen hands. The inside of the house was so dark that all you saw was the lighted face. All in all, it made for one scary illusion.

Flora continued crying, although softer now. Someone in the house turned on a small light and a second, normally dressed person appeared at the door.

"Oh, hey," the woman said, "we didn't mean to scare your little one so badly. We just didn't see her there. We only saw the bigger kids, and we like to have a little fun with the older ones."

"That's okay," Mulder replied. "She'll be okay....eventually." His own heart was just starting to slow down, but he didn't mention that.

"Here," the woman said, obviously still feeling guilty. "There's extra candy for everyone. Happy Halloween."

"Thanks!" Duncan and Katlin shouted, looking at the extra loot being tossed into their bags. Maybe they could train Flora to do that at every house....just think of all the candy they'd get! They could recoup their losses in no time flat.

Mulder turned around with the kids to head back to Dana. His flashlight picked out a small figure moving among the tombstones...that damn little alien kid, back to try it again. Not this time, Mulder though angrily. Ya picked on the wrong family this time, fella....He was about to set Flora down to go have it out with the little bastard when he saw it blink. Mulder froze. It looked back at him, blinked again, and disappeared into the shrubs at the front of the yard.

Mulder's mind churned in overdrive. No latex costume mask, no matter how good, had eyelids that worked. It wasn't his imagination. He'd seen it blink twice....heavily wrinkled eyelids closing over the beady black eyes that he had assumed earlier were smoked plastic eye holes, sort of like the visor on Duncan's helmet. The rest of the *costume* appeared to be some sort of baggy suit....just perfect for hiding *alien* anatomy.

He looked down at the kids, to see if either of them might have seen something. But both Duncan and Kaitlin were peering into their sacks, taking a quick inventory of what they'd gotten and how much they had to replace. Flora's head was nestled on Mulder's shoulder and she had managed to get her thumb into her mouth underneath the mask.

"Dana, did you see that?" Mulder asked.

"See what...what made Flora cry?" she asked, gently stroking the back of Flora's head.

"No....that little alien brat was back, lying in wait for us. The little creep was over there in the tombstones just a second ago. Except....it's not a kid, Dana." Mulder looked around frantically but saw no sign of the alien. But then again, it could easily blend into any one of a number of groups of kids out on the street.

Something in Mulder's voice, in the tight, controlled way he was scanning the area, made the hair on Dana's neck stand on end. "What do you mean, *it*?" Dana asked in a 'careful, we don't want to scare Flora' tone of voice.

"Dana, I saw it blink....twice. Let's just say that George Hale is definitely sure he just saw an elf!"

Dana's eyes widened, and she took in a deep breath....how come even trick or treating with Mulder wasn't turning out normal? Not that she didn't believe him...she just didn't know what they could do abut it with three kids in tow. "Okay, Sherlock, what do you want to do?"

Mulder looked up and down the street. Groups of kids were moving in both directions. "OK, we can cover more ground if we split up. You remember what it looks like?"

"Yeah, I think so....but what are we gonna do with the kids?"

Flora was still semi-permanently attached to his shoulder, and Dana *did* seem to have a way with Duncan and Katlin....."How about we split them up too, and continue trick or treating. That way we blend in and can look for the 'elf' at the same time. Got your phone?"

Dana patted her pocket.....yup, her cellular was right where it was supposed to be. "How about you?" she asked.

"Couldn't fit it into this outfit," he responded. "Guess bikers don't carry cellular phones. Don't worry, I'll find a phone if I need it." He paused, dreading this part...."Uh, Dana.....since Flora seems to be kind of an extra body part at the moment....and you, uh, seem to have *such* a way with....."

"But you're not familiar with the area!" she interrupted, " And the older kids won't be with you," she stammered, trying not to state the obvious.

"You think I'll get lost, don't you?" he asked in a mock hurt voice.

"I know you, Mulder, your directional sense.....sucks. I don't *think* you'll get lost....I *know* you will ---if there's a snowball's chance in hell of the possibility."

"Hey," he said softly, "Watch your language...."

"Shut up, Mulder...Okay, okay," she agreed reluctantly. "I'll take the older ones. They'll probably be thrilled to get rid of their little sister anyway. But I'm calling an end to this night at 10:00 and if you're not back to the house by then, I'm coming after you. Deal?"

"Deal," he agreed.

"Come on Flora, Fox is gonna get you candy."

Dana looked up at him in the dark, her eyes intense. "Mulder, just do me a favor....be careful! Despite what I said earlier, I *really* don't want to see you wearing any more casts. You've already gotten an evening's full of bumps, bruises, and bite marks. And remember that this little one here can't defend herself."

Mulder patted his Glock, housed securely in the holster attached to his *belt*. "I'll be careful," he said, giving her a quick, tender, kiss and then he was gone, moving off down the street in search of what he'd been looking for his entire life...proof.

Dana watched them as they crossed the street and wondered if she'd made the right decision about splitting up. Lighten up Dana, he's a government agent just like you...in fact he's a senior agent with a hell of a lot more experience than you. So why do you feel like a mother watching her little boy go off to the bus stop for the first time? Because in spite of all that experience, he's still gullible, still has that innocent, child-like sense of wonder and in spite of all the betrayals and lies...he still *wants* to believe. Oh hell, don't do anything stupid, Mulder.

"Hey, where's Cousin Fox going?" Kaitlin demanded.

"Uh....he's taking Flora back home," Dana ad libbed. Mulder had crossed the street, after all, and was heading in a direction that would eventually lead back to Catie's house. "She's getting tired and we didn't want to take you guys back home too early."

"Awright!" Duncan said, turning to his sister. "See, I *told* you she wasn't a party pooper, ya wuss!"

Dana arched an eyebrow and glared at Kaitlin, who was unnaturally subdued. "Sorry," she mumbled. "You just never let us have any fun, and Cousin Fox does all sorts of fun stuff with us."

Even given the circumstance, it took an effort for Dana not to laugh....it would *definitely* spoil her image and she didn't want these kids to see any chinks in her armor. But she still remembered the totally overwhelming sight that had greeted her the first time she set foot in Catie's house. There was her normally serious partner, kneeling on the kitchen table, egg turner held high over his head, doing his best pirate captain imitation while the kitchen around him was flooded with three feet of soapy water from a busted pipe in the laundry room. He would never admit it, but she knew deep down inside....he loved to play. In fact, this particular pirate scene was where she'd gotten the inspiration for their costumes for the Bureau's party. Geez....had that been just last night? How time flies when you're chasing aliens.....

That thought brought her back to reality. "All right kids, let's get a move on." She shepherded them on down the street, in the opposite direction from Mulder.

Mulder was having absolutely no luck at all. He searched every little face in each group of trick or treaters they ran into, but none was that damn little alien kid he was looking for. If it even was a kid...could be an adult alien for all he knew. Flora, however, was making out like a bandit. In fact, it was a toss up which was the heavier load....Flora or her steadily growing sack of candy. Mulder finally convinced her that she should walk for a while so he could give his numb arm a break. Great, he thought, even if I do find the little shit, I won't be able to do a thing about it cause one arm is numb and the other is in a cast.

Flora walking, was giving his arm a rest, but it also slowed them down a lot. She was getting tired, and a little cranky, and Mulder was sure that only the thought of getting more candy, candy, candy was keeping her going.

Looking for one alien among all these trick or treaters was beginning to feel like looking for a needle in a haystack. Why hadn't he seen before, at Catie's house, what that creature really was? And then again when it tried to steal the kids' candy? Because you weren't looking for it, he told himself. You expected to see trick or treaters, so that's what you saw. And that's what everyone else would see as well, he realized. What a perfect opportunity for an alien to walk around among humans undetected. It was the right size, and on Halloween all shapes were expected, and as long as it kept its mouth shut, who would ever know the difference? So why had it screwed up with him, tried to steal their candy, and then blinked at him and given itself away? Maybe because he'd surprised it with the flashlight...maybe something more sinister. And maybe the thing just had a sweet tooth and they were out of chocolate on the ship....

Mulder's train of thought was interrupted as Flora pulled on his hand. "Potty," she said. Oh, no....not that! Mulder looked at the street signs ----In his preoccupation, he hadn't reallly kept track of where he was going and realized with some chagrin that he was a long way away from Catie's house. None of the street names looked familiar, and he dimly realized that he was lost. In fact he noticed that the trick or treaters had all but vanished...either it was later than he thought or he had inadvertently wandered into an area where trick or treating was *not* a *safe* pastime. He had a very uncomfortable feeling that he was in the latter circumstance. Okay, what are you options, Agent Mulder, he asked himself.

"Flora," he asked gently, "do you use a potty now?"

"Yeth, big girl!" she said proudly.

Whew, that helped a little. Now all he had to do was find a bathroom.

"POTTY," Flora said insistently, nearly pulling his fingers out of their sockets. He better find one....and quickly.

He was almost ready to go back to the last house they'd trick or treated at when he spotted the convenience store on the opposite corner. It was a combination gas station/mini-mart, and most of those things had public restrooms. He hoped this one did.

"Okay, kid," he said picking her up. "We'll go find a potty." Just don't pee on me, he prayed. He wasn't sure the dry cleaners could get *that* out of leather.

As they crossed the street, he noticed a hooker standing on the street corner, next to the convenience store....No, this was absolutely, positively not a trick or treating neighborhood.

Flora was pulling at her mask uncomfortably, so he removed it from her face and draped the elastic over his cast, letting it dangle freely in the slight breeze. Maybe they had a phone...sure, they'd have a phone. All gas stations have phones.....

A bum lay curled up on the bench outside the gas station portion of the building. The hooker gave him an appreciative stare and licked her very big, red, lips. He looked back in surprise....after all he had a little kid with him for Christ's sake... what kind of perverts hung out at this place anyway? He hurried quickly inside.

The store was laid out like all convenience stores....magazines and comic books in the front, overpriced food in tiny aisles on the right, and self-serve sodas, coffee, and year-old hot dogs spinning on heated rollers on the left. Only this place looked like it hadn't seen a health inspector since the fifty's. From the look of things, Mulder and Flora were the only people in the store besides the clerk. Geez....just how late was it anyway?

Mulder walked over to the clerk behind the counter, he asked politely if he could have the key to the rest room. This particular clerk was the biggest, ugliest hulk of a man that he'd ever seen in his entire life. Tattoos ran the length of his large, bulky arms, a huge bulbous belly hung over his baggy pants that seemed to defy the law of gravity by hanging perilously off his almost non existent hips, and a foul-smelling cigar hung out of his mouth like a big, brown, turd.

The man ignored Mulder at first. He seemed mesmerized by a ranting voice issuing from the cheap transistor radio sitting next to the cash register. Mulder recognized who the clerk was listening to, of course.....who wouldn't know the strident, self-righteous voice of the right wing watchdog of the people, even if it was distorted by a tiny speaker whose woofers and tweeters had seen much better days. Normally he would steer clear of a guy like this, but this was probably the only potty opportunity in blocks, so Mulder tried again. So he asked again.

"Ah....sir," he began cautiously, "Could I please have the key to the rest room? The kid here needs to go and you're the only place that's open."

The man stared at him suspiciously. "Ain't no key," he growled, "Ain't no door neither, just a stall...It's in the back." He pointed to the rear of the store.

Mulder took Flora by the hand and led her to the back room. Holy shit, he thought....this must be the bathroom from Hell. His mind reeled with the thought of how many different varieties of germs must be mutating in this sewer as he stood there contemplating just letting Flora pee on his leather. He doubted that even Flukeman could survive in this muck. He started to turn around and leave when Flora whimpered, "Pottyyy....please?"

"Jesus Flora..." He pulled about three feet of toilet paper off the roll and set it on the seat. She pulled her training pants down and Mulder, shaking his head, just picked her up and held her over the bowl...."Go," he whispered.

"Flora don't sit?" she asked puzzled.

"Not this time, kid....God knows what's lurking in there."

When she was done, he pulled up her pants and told her to stand outside the stall. He figured he might as well go while they were here....who knew when he'd get another chance. He finished, turned around and saw that she was gone again. Shit....why can't kids stay put.

Walking out into the store, he noticed that the man had set Flora up on the counter and had given her a lolly pop. Well maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all.

"Cute kid," the man commented. "Asked her why her daddy had her out in this neighborhood. She said you ain't her daddy...said her daddy's not home...that mommy's leg is hurt. The man paused, peering at Mulder like he was some insect who'd managed to create a large splatter on his windshield. " She said you're a fox....What the hell you teachin this kid? You some kind of pervert or something?"

"Wh......What?" Mulder stammered, taken aback.

The clerk continued before Mulder could offer an explanation. "I know your type...see 'em all the time around here. Tight pants, earrings....You a fag or somethin?"

Flora piped up, "Fox not fag...fox is Fox."

You gotta be kidding me, Mulder thought. This was getting out of hand here. "Hey, wait a minute," he said indignantly, "You got it all wrong. 'Fox' is my name....this 'outfit' is a Halloween costume..and this little girl is my cousin."

"Yeah right, Bud.....and I'm Mother Goose. You got any ID, Cindefella?"

"Of course I have ID, I'm a Federal Agent," he said reaching automatically for his wallet, which he usually kept in his back pocket. His hand only brushed the torn leather of the seat of his pants....that's right, the pockets in these damn leather pants were too tight, so that must have meant that he put his ID in his jacket. He was reaching for an inside zippered pocket when he had a sudden thought....shit.....He remembered leaving his ID on his dresser when he was changing clothes. He'd gone to show Dana his outfit and she'd been *much* more appreciative than he'd expected. In the rush and confusion, he'd left the damn ID at home. Think, Mulder....how are you gonna talk your way out of this one?

As he pulled his jacket back to get at his picket, the clerk spied Mulder's gun that hung just over his back pocket. While Mulder was distracted, the man pulled out a shot gun from behind the counter.

"You just hold it right there, scum," the man yelled, "I've been robbed three times in the past two weeks and I ain't gonna get robbed again...and to think a scuzball like you would use a little kid as a decoy. What's the world comin to? I'm callin the police."

"I am the police," Mulder replied, irritation rising in his voice." I told you, I'm a Federal Agent."

"Sure you are....and that weird looking kid over there at the candy rack is a real live alien too."

Mulder spun his head around just in time to see the little bastard he'd been chasing all night scurry out the front door. Goddamn it to hell.....the little shit gets away and he's stuck looking down the business end of a 12 gauge. Life just isn't fair.

Flora began to cry at the sound of all the yelling and the clerk set her on the floor behind the counter and gave her a container full of candy to keep her quiet while he phoned the police.

"Take the gun out and lay it on the counter, punk," the convenience store ogre demanded.

Mulder unsnapped the holster and gently placed the glock on the counter in front of him, then looked up just in time to see a monster fist connect with his face.

"That's for the other three times I got robbed," the big man said with satisfaction.

Mulder woke up with the horrible stench of vomit and urine attacking his nostrils...He slowly sat up, his head one huge ache. As his vision came into focus, he looked around at his surroundings and realized that he'd been thrown into a jail cell with some very shady characters. They were eyeing him warily from their side of the cell, and seemed content to stay there, at least for the time being. How in the hell had he ended up here? What in the hell happened, he thought groggily....Then he remembered...Oh God...Flora...Where's Flora...??? He started to panic, and the increased bloodflow made the ache in his head worse. Geez, his face hurt. He felt the swelling under his fingertips and wondered if anything was broken.

The darkness in the cell was momentarily illuminated with a ray of light as the outer door opened and a small, petite figure stood in the doorway.

"Here he is," the guard stated as he unlocked the door and ushered Mulder's unsteady figure into the light. "You sure you want him?"

Mulder winced as the brightness hit his face...."Dana?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I don't think anyone else would claim you looking like that." An ugly purple bruise was starting to from under his right eye and his hair looked like it had had a run in with a weedwhacker and lost....badly.

"How did you find me?" he asked

"Lucky for you...Catie taught all her kids their name, address, and phone number, including Flora. We got a phone call about a half hour ago. By the way the convenience store clerk apologized profusely." She snickered at the memory. "You should have seen his face when he found out that he really* did* deck a Federal Agent."

She brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes, her hand lingering tenderly on his cheek. "Come on, Sherlock.... let's get you and Flora home. You look like you could use some R&R."

"R&R?" he asked, still somewhat dazed.

"You know, rest and relaxation?" she elaborated.

"Oh that. I don't think I remember how," he replied facetiously.

"Then I guess I'll just have to give you a refresher course," she smirked.

"Is Flora Okay?" he whispered hoarsely, changing the subject.

Dana saw the concern in his eyes and glossed the situation over the best that she could by saying that Flora was very upset but would be fine. In reality, the poor little thing was scared to death. She'd seen a big, ugly, stranger send her beloved "Fox" to the floor in an unconscious heap, was forced to wait with this cretin until the police came. And then, to top it all off, she wasn't allowed to see Mulder once they got to the station. When Dana had arrived, Flora was hysterical because she thought her Cousin Fox was dead.

They walked slowly to the front desk where Mulder collected his belongings which consisted of a set of keys and his Glock. A few minutes later, a female officer led Flora into the room where she immediately disconnected herself from the unfamiliar hand, ran across the room, shouting at the top of her little lungs, "Fox, Fox, Fox," gave a jump, and literally climbed his frame. She placed one arm around his neck, stuck her thumb in her mouth and nuzzled her face tightly into his shoulder. He bent his head slightly forward, gently kissed the top of her little curly-haired, auburn head and smiled contentedly.

"Let's get out of here," he sighed tiredly.

Once they were outside, Mulder placed, the now sleeping Flora, into her car seat and sat down too heavily, in the front seat. The sudden contact with the firm surface pointedly reminded him of the "holes" in his tush and a short gasp escaped his lips at the unexpected pain. He hadn't noticed how much it hurt until he'd tried to sit down.

Dana shot him a worried stare at the sound he'd made.

"I'll be fine," he tried to convince her, "just a little sore, that's all."

She nodded slightly, started the car and drove away. He yawned sleepily with satisfaction-- for once, she hadn't given him an argument. He should've known better....

He awakened to the sound of the car door opening and a bright light shining in his face. Jesus, he must have dozed off. That's odd....he didn't remember Catie's porch lights being that bright. Forcing his eyes open, he looked up to see the large "Emergency" sign above the building entrance. Oh shit......not again. Dana stood in front of him cradling Flora in her arms.

"Out you go, Mulder," she commanded.

He looked at the digital clock in the dashboard and pleaded, "It's after midnight...can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"No, it can't....the cast is splitting down the middle, there's no support, and your arm is moving around...not to mention the fact that you've been bitten by an animal and need a tetanus shot and maybe some antibiotics too."

Mulder looked up at her. Even standing there holding Flora, her body language, not to mention her tone of voice, made it clear she expected him to do exactly what she said. He gave up.

"Oh hell, why not? I just can't think of a better way to begin such a wonderful weekend than to have strangers plaster my arm, stick me with needles, and stare at my behind," he grumbled as he moved reluctantly through the entrance.

It had been a memorable evening at best, she thought ruefully as she glanced at the sleeping form in the seat next to her. They'd dosed him heavily with pain killers, reset his arm, which had become misaligned, and shot him full of wide range antibiotics along with the tetanus vaccine.

It was 2 AM when they finally pulled up in front of Catie's house and after close observation of her partner's condition, she wasn't certain that he'd be lucid enough to live up to her version of the "costume" challenge that he'd issued earlier at his apartment. She'd have to play it by ear.

Catie hobbled out and onto the porch when she heard them drive up and kept an eye on Mulder while Dana took Flora upstairs to bed.

Upon returning, Dana stood by the car door quietly contemplating how to get Mulder out of the car, into the house, and up the stairs without further mishap. He was out of it....in a big way. She knelt down and gently shook his shoulders. "Wake up, Mulder...."

His eyelids hung heavily at half-mast as he tried unsuccessfully to focus on her. This was never gonna do...neither she nor Catie would be able to carry Mulder out of the car and into the house. So she tried another approach.

She softly slapped the uninjured side of his face. "Come on Mulder, be a good boy and open your eyes....Please....," she begged.

His lids fluttered slightly and opened, revealing two large black orbs. Oh great, the drugs had kicked in and he was *really* stoned. What now?

"Mulder, can you hear me?" she shouted into his ear.

"Dana?" he slurred unevenly, "You don't have ta yell, I'm not deaf, ya know." He was swaying slightly...no doubt the car looked like it was spinning from his pint of view. He focused on Dana's from crouched down at the car door and his brows knit together in a frown. " Where's your costume?" he asked in a halting voice. "I showed you mine," he pouted with childlike disappointment, "you promised."

"I don't think you're *ready* for *my* costume yet --- at least not for a couple of hours," she commented patiently.

"It's a *really* good one, huh?" he giggled boyishly and hiccuped twice.

"Oh brother," she uttered with an amused smile.

"Brother?" he asked stupidly, "Where?" He moved his head jerkily from one side to the other and searched the street.

"No, Mulder, it's an expression."

"Oh," he said in confusion.

"Can you walk?" she asked hesitantly, placing her hand affectionately on his arm.

"Sure...why didn't ya ask before?" he mumbled like it was the most reasonable request in the world. He placed both feet on the pavement, stood up swaying for several seconds before collapsing to the ground.

"Oops.... guess not," he stated with a stupid grin.

About that time Catie's neighbor, Jason drove up. He'd just gotten off the night-duty shift and was walking up his driveway when he noticed the commotion at his neighbors's house. Being a cop at the local precinct, he kinda felt responsible for whatever went on in his neighborhood. He walked over to see if Catie was in any trouble.

"Problem?" he asked while looking at Mulder sprawled on the ground. "A little too much Halloween cheer, huh Mulder?"

Dana chuckled lightly. The man obviously knew Fox. "Not exactly----" She pointed to the cast on Mulder's arm. "Pain Killers," she explained, not mentioning his "other" injuries.

Jason laughed. Boy, what this guy could get himself into.

"Okay Catie, where do ya want him?" He inquired in a jovial tone.

"Upstairs and in bed would be nice," she chortled softly, moving out of the way.

"You got it."

Jason, who was several pounds heavier than Mulder and at least two inches taller, bent over, grabbed Mulder by his good arm, pulled him into a fireman's carry, and began to transport him toward the house.

"Whoaaa......," Mulder cried out in surprise, "Who moved the ground?"

Jason grinned broadly, "Relax, Fox, you'll be landing soon."

Jason carried Mulder upstairs, plopped him into the bed and turned to Dana, "He's all yours. I swear....Catie's cousin here, gets in more damn trouble.....It figures...he's FBI....more brains than common sense."

Dana thanked Jason and gazed briefly at the prone figure of Fox Mulder lying peacefully on the bed. She sat on the mattress, and began removing the constricting clothing, threw his shoes on the floor and pulled the covers up to his chest. He rolled over and whimpered softly...for a moment she half expected him to put his thumb in his mouth....She laughed at the concept.

Dana crossed the room to her tote bag and pulled out her costume. Well....what there was of it anyway....It was black and slinky...and very, very.....sexy. She also removed the long black- haired wig, spiked heels, and the makeup case. What a hoot....she'd get him with this one.....Hope it still fits, she thought belatedly. The last time she'd worn it was at a college bash several years ago, during what she thought of as her "wild" years. She went into the master bathroom and got dressed.

I sure hope this is worth it, she thought to herself. Putting all this makeup on felt strange...she wasn't used to wearing much more than mascara and lipstick. Not to mention the wig. She laughed at her reflection in the mirror. Boy, if Agent Carter could only see her now......

She fervently hoped that a certain Agent Mulder would come to long enough to see her. Well he had to wake up sometime and when he did...she'd be ready for him. She always hated losing a challenge, *especially* to Mulder, and she decided that she wasn't about to lose this one.

Some unknown time later, Mulder rolled over and tried to focus his blurry eyes. The room was dimly lit, and he thought he saw a figure sitting in the chair at the end of the bed.---staring at him. Momentarily disoriented, he panicked, thinking that somehow he'd managed to wander into someone else's house. Moving around under the sheets, he panicked again when he realized that he was in his underwear. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to clear his head and when he opened his eyes again, the figure in the chair had disappeared.....if it had ever been there in the first place.

Mulder slowly sat up, his body protesting each little movement. Looking around the room, he recognized the furniture and wallpaper, and heaved a huge sigh of relief as he realized he was in Catie's guest room. But who had been sitting in the chair?

The bedroom door opened and a slinky vision in black slithered into the room....Mulder had watched enough late night horror flicks to immediately recognize the figure. But what the hell... Elvira? In Catie's house? His mind reeled and did a double take... No, couldn't be...must be the damn drugs they'd pumped him full of in the Emergency Room... That shit was more potent than the rum he'd had the night before.

Now......wait a second.... something about the figure was familiar.....very familiar. The slight pouty mouth, those dancing blue/grey eyes....He took a closer look and realized it was a costume, and a damn good one at that. Then he remembered the challenge he had laid down to her...Face it, Mulder, she's got you beat by a good country mile. Geez, she looked good.

"Dana? Is that you in there?" he teased. "I concede, you win...no contest."

The Mistress of the Night sidled over to the bed and murmured in a low sultry voice, "I'm gonna do things with you that your *fantasies* couldn't even handle." She licked her finger and ran it over his chest, up his neck and lightly traced the outline of his lower lip."

Oh Lord....his whole body sprang to attention and one part of his anatomy in particular, proved to have a mind of its own. Nothing broken there, he thought with relief. He reached up to her and slid his hand along the slit in her skirt which seemed to go on forever. He caressed her gently, pulling her to him. Her satin dress slowly slid to the ground as she covered him with her body. The long, dark, hair of her wig spread out over his shoulders as she leaned her face down to his. "This is one of my secret fantasies," she whispered in his ear.

"Are there any "other" secrets that I should know about?" he panted breathlessly.

"Thousands," she warned.

"I know one...." he said with a grin.

"What?"

He lifted the covers and briefly glanced beneath them.... "You're not a real brunette."

With that remark, he heard a familiar click.....Oh nooo...not the cuffs again.

"Trick or Treat," she purred seductively.

"What's the trick," he asked warily.

She lifted his arm and showed him the cuff.

"Okay, what's the *Treat*",....he inquired hopefully.

She smiled. "You have to search me for the key."

Fox Mulder decided there and then that Halloween was *his* favorite holiday too.

The End

The X Files and the characters of Mulder and Scully are the creation and property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting, and are used without permission. This story may be reproduced and freely distributed so long as no money is received in exchange. Whew..... think we covered all the bases there.

Author's note: This story was fun to write, and I hope you got a good chuckle reading it. It all started when I asked Stinker if she was planning a Halloween story involving the demon MacLeod children, she asked if I had any ideas, I replied "what if...." and it just took off from there. As with all fun writing projects, this story took on a life of its own, and I found myself at the 'puter until all hours of the morning so I could finish some bit just to send to Stinker to see if she liked it. Happy Halloween, everyone!!! Annie

Yeah, well this story nearly cost me a divorce because all demon hubby could do was complain about the fact that...."You're always writing..." Guess he felt neglected. He even went so far as to "lock" me out of the computer. Of course Stinker's no dummy as you all can see.....The story got done in spite of all the silliness. Learned a lot about breaking codes in the process too..... Thanks for all the input Annie....and the demon hubby support. Stinker