Title:  Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes
Author:  Scifinerdgrl
Rating: G
Classification: V
Keywords:  Post-Ep ("Audrey Pauley")
Summary:  Monica's religion helps her cope with the events of
"Audrey Pauley."


Monica Reyes approached her front door, then turned and looked
down at her partner, who was standing next to his truck.  He was
looking up at her, and from her vantage point on the stoop he
looked smaller, more vulnerable, and she thought back to her
meditation.  Was this her answer?

After the others had left the other-worldly hospital for the
Great Void, she found herself alone, more alone than she had ever
been.  Alone and facing Death.  Sitting in a lotus position, she
calmed her breathing, or what should have been breathing if she
were truly alive, and thought about Stephen's last words:  "So
many things I'd do differently."  Life.  He'd do "Life"
differently.

What would I do differently? she asked herself.  In the Buddhist
philosophy, the next existence would be her chance to fix things. 
But according to Zen philosophy, most of what she did was meant
to be.  Which would it be for her? 

She reviewed her life, bravely facing her worst mistakes and
humbly acknowledging her wisest decisions, until she came to what
would be her last night among the living: the night John Doggett
finally seemed to recognize her desire for him.

It had been the latest of many occasions when she'd lost her
resolve, when she'd failed to make the first move with John. Even
one tentative kiss would have sent her through that intersection
a split second later, sparing her life.  Was there meaning in her
crash?   If she had it to do over, should she make the first
move?  Or had everything gone according to some greater plan? 
Without the benefit of hindsight she couldn't decide, and when
Audrey Pauley appeared to her and showed her the way back to Life
the question remained unanswered.

When she opened her eyes, John was there, but her first thought
was for Audrey's safety, and he rushed off to check on her. 
Poor, simple-minded Audrey.  She had sacrificed herself to save
Monica, and Monica felt she owed it to Audrey to make sense of
that sacrifice.  This would be Monica's next Zen question.

"He loves you very much," Audrey had said.  Had Audrey died for
the sake of their love?  Had her death and Monica's rebirth given
Monica that chance to do things differently with John?  Or was
she just rationalizing, looking for an excuse to jump John's
bones?  Monica pondered these questions for the next three days,
but no answers revealed themselves in her meditations.

Audrey's words hung between them as John and Monica stood next to
his truck, letting yet another moment pass.  For an instant it
looked as if John would make the first move, saving Monica from
the responsibility.  But he disappointed her again.  This was her
second chance, her opportunity to do things differently.  And she
made the same decision.

Yes, she thought as she looked down on John's lovesick face.  She
was right to give John his space, to resist the urge to kiss him,
to let him come to her when and if the time was right.  And if he
never did, it would still be right.  It would be Zen.  They would
have another chance in another life.  Nirvana with John was worth
the wait, and Monica Reyes was nothing if not patient.

THE END