Title: The Worst Halloween Ever
Author: Linda and Alisha
Written: October 1998
Rating: PG for a bit of language, nudity, weird fantasy and gore.
Classification: VH... *maybe* 'R'...
Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST. Features Pendrell.
Disclaimer: We don't own them. We're just having our own sick way with
them for a couple of minutes, and we promise to return them... hmm...
safe, at least. A little spooked, perhaps, but after all, it's
Halloween! Don't cry, CC... ; )
Summary: It was a dark and stormy night......
This sick sick story is dedicated to Jeff Goldblum... not the actor,
but the bluebottle who has been buzzing around my bedroom for a couple
of days. He's hiding now... we think he's embarrassed.... <g>
October 31st 1998
It was a dark and stormy night.
hesitated before he reached out for the door handle to Scully's motel
room - it was very late, and he thought he could hear her snoring.
Halloween had always spooked him, and this year was no different. He
had lain awake for several hours, but he simply couldn't sleep, and he
was just too afraid to be alone.
He was surprised to find their adjoining door unlocked, but didn't pause once the door was open.
He stepped into the room.
She was sleeping. That just wasn't fair! Why couldn't he sleep?
floor was so cold against his bare feet. He felt himself suddenly
becoming very shy, but he just couldn't return to his dark empty room.
He'd just decided how much he hated Halloween when he felt it. Something cold, slippery against his toe.
awoke with a start. Seeing him standing in the doorway, she screamed as
well. She fumbled to reach the lamp on the nightstand, knocking it down
in the process.
"Mulder, what the hell are you doing?"
"There's something in the room!" Mulder yelled hysterically.
calm down, Mulder." Scully replaced the lamp on the bedside table, only
to discover that the bulb had smashed. She sighed. "You had a
Mulder frowned. "No I didn't. I haven't been asleep," he said smugly. "But *something* just crawled over my foot."
Scully sighed again, and Mulder gave an over-exaggerated shiver. "I'm cold," he said.
"Go back to bed," she suggested.
"Can I get in with you?" He pouted.
"No, you've got your own bed," Scully said.
"But I'd be much warmer if I could crawl into bed with you," Mulder insisted.
Scully was getting impatient. "Fine, Mulder, she said, patting on the mattress beside her. "But I'm going to SLEEP."
watched as a huge grin spread across her partner's face. "Thanks
Scully," Mulder said, not wasting another second on her cold floor.
lay in silence for a long while, and Mulder had almost started to
believe that Scully indeed *was* asleep, as she suddenly spoke.
"Mulder, you weren't cold, were you." It wasn't a question.
Mulder stalled. "....Sure I was...... Feel my nose," he said, pushing his face closer to hers.
"I'm not going to feel your nose," Scully said, a little perturbed.
"Then how can you believe I was cold....?"
"Tell me why you're here," she said impatiently.
"Cold...." he muttered pathetically.
He sighed. "Okay. It's because I'm... I'm... scared," he said in a small voice.
smirked. "Mulder, that's nothing to be ashamed of!" Scully said in her
best I'm-the-doctor voice. "A lot of people are afraid of Halloween...."
Mulder interrupted her. "Scully?"
"Yes?" she replied warily. She didn't like that voice...
"Will you just hold me close?"
Mulder," Scully said, knowing it was against her better judgement. She
pulled him closer, and felt his arms sneak around her waist.
They spent another minute in silence, before Mulder spoke.
"Scully?" he murmured hesitantly.
"Tell me a story."
She restrained a giggle. "A *ghost* story?" she asked.
"Sure," he said.
"Are you sure you can handle that?"
"are you disparaging me?" he asked, slightly suspiciously.
"No, not at all," she said, her laughter in check.
"Well.... okay then. A ghost story."
"Hmmmm....." Scully thought. "Once upon a time, there was a lone agent, spending a night in a small motel room...."
"I'm not sure I like the sound of that...." Mulder muttered.
Scully ignored him. "What he didn't know, was that there was something watching him from the floor. Something slimy....."
"Eeeks, Scully, that's not funny!" Mulder complained.
Scully couldn't hold back a giggle.
Mulder gave her a dark glance. "*FINE*. So would you like to hear a REAL ghost story?"
Scully raised an eyebrow. "Well, if you're *sure* you won't get nightmares...."
"I CAN TELL THE STORY," he insisted.
She raised the other eyebrow. "Go ahead."
cleared his throat. "It was a dark and stormy night," he began. "It was
Halloween in a small, dark town, and it was full moon."
Scully interrupted with wolf-howling noises.
Mulder frowned. "Shut up!"
"No, you're not!" Mulder accused her.
Scully sighed. "You want me to continue or not, Mulder?"
"Oh, go ahead," Mulder said, waving his hands in an attempt to look unaffected.
"OOOWWWW!!!" Scully screamed. "You hit me!"
"I'm sorry, Scully!" Mulder said, panicking at her murderous gaze. "Where did I hit you? Let me get you some ice."
"No, it's okay," Scully said, wincing as she touched her left temple. "Just... just continue the story."
"Okay," Mulder sighed. "There was a young couple walking along the beach by moonlight."
"On Halloween?" she asked.
"Yes, on Halloween."
"Were they in costume?"
"No. So anyway, they're walking along, hand in hand, when all of a sudden...."
"Do they have names?"
"The woman was named Carol."
"Uh huh... and the guy was Joshua."
"Anyway, so they were walking along this beach, and there was no sound except..."
"Scully, do you want me to continue or not?" Mulder asked.
Scully gave him an innocent smile. "Oh please, continue," she said.
"There was no sound, except for their breathing..."
"Ha!" Scully said, "I knew it!"
"It was a just a lucky guess!" Mulder protested.
"Oh, it wasn't!" Scully said, raising her eyebrow in a knowing wink.
looked away in distaste. "Just the sound of their breathing, and their
feet in the pebbles of the beach," he continued. "All of a sudden they
heard a noise from across the bay. At first, they assume it's just kids
playing a prank, because it's Halloween. But then, they see a body fall
from the cliff face, and hear another scream."
Mulder shifted in the bed a little.
"Mind where you put your hands?" Scully reminded him.
"Sorry," he coughed. "Anyway, Carol and Joshua run to find out what is making the noise, when a girl runs from the woods."
"I thought they were on a beach."
"They are. But there's a wood just nearby."
"And a cliff?"
you questioning the credibility of my story?" She didn't answer, so he
continued. "The girl ran out of the woods and fell to the floor before
them." He paused for dramatic effect. "She said, 'You have to help
me...' but she was crying and covered in blood, and it was difficult
for them to understand her. Next, she said, 'he had a hook for a
hand... a big, bloodied hook'...."
Scully snorted, and
moved a few inches more towards the other side of the bed. "Now I'm
definitely questioning the credibility of the story," she declared.
"Wait - it gets better!" Mulder said quickly.
Scully didn't say anything, but whether it was a good sign or not, Mulder didn't know.
he continued. "The pair just stared at each other, but didn't know what
to do, so they decided to just forget that they'd ever met the girl."
"Mulder, they can't just forget about her!" Scully exclaimed. "She's practically bleeding to death - -"
"Okay, okay," Mulder sighed. "So they took her to hospital then. You happy now, Dr. Scully?"
"I guess that's better," Scully said.
Mulder said, moving closer to her again. "I'm freezing remember?" he
reminded her, as he caught her odd glance. "The girl screamed all the
way to the hospital," Mulder continued. "And by the time they got
there, the car was covered in blood."
Scully rolled her eyes.
ignored her. "She went into immediate surgery," he told her, "and the
pair sat down and waited in the restroom. They were all alone." He
paused, glancing at Scully.
"And...? she asked impatiently.
Mulder paused for very dramatic effect... "They heard.... a noise....."
"Oh brother...." Scully mumbled.
was coming from the ceiling... a drip.... drip.... drip............
They looked up, and there was a steady stream of *blood*," he said the
word in a faux-horror voice, "....drip.... drip...... dripping."
"Mulder, I've watched episodes of Happy Days scarier than this."
"That's because I haven't gotten to the good part yet."
"Oh, right," she said skeptically.
Mulder continued, "they both quickly ran upstairs, and there, on the
floor, was a human heart. There was blood around.... and even worse, it
was still beating!"
"Mulder!" Scully exclaimed.
"Yes?" Mulder asked innocently.
decided to try from a different angle; "So, are you telling me there
was a hole in the floor, and that's why it was dripping?"
Mulder sighed deeply. "Oh *please* Scully, there was no hole! That's why it was all so spooky!"
"Thanks for telling me," Scully muttered.
"So are you scared yet?" Mulder asked hopefully.
She gave him a look which said 'Mulder, I'd like to sleep now,' and yawned.
ignored her. If she fell asleep... *They* might get him. "So," he
continued, "they looked closer at the heart and saw that embedded in it
was a big.... shiny...."
He pouted. "You spoiled it!"
"Feminine intuition ability," she informed him. "Carry on...."
snivelled. "So, Carol turns to Joshua, and HE'S NOT THERE! She heard a
noise behind her, and spun around, and guess what happened?"
"What?" Scully mumbled.
found herself face to face with a doctor. His clothes were covered in
blood and he had just one hand. 'We lost her,' the doctor said."
"Oh, really?" Scully said sarcastically.
"So Carol turns around and runs out of the hospital," Mulder continued.
"Without Joshua?" Scully asked, disappointed.
Mulder thought. "well, it's your fault they went to the hospital in the first place!"
"Are you telling me you're improvising, Mulder?" Scully asked.
"I spent a year in high school doing improv theatre," he said, by way of explanation.
"Oh, I see. Mulder, will you *please* watch where you're putting your hands?!"
Scully, they're numb with cold. They have a mind of their own. Anyway,
so Carol rushes home and locks her door behind her. She turns on the TV
to watch 'Veronica's Closet'..."
"After she's left her
boyfriend for dead in a hook-ridden ER with a doctor who psychotically
killed a girl covered in blood who they themselves escorted there?"
There was a knock at the door. 'Who is it?' Carol called out, but there
was no answer. So she got up and opened the door - "
"Stupid girl!" Scully exclaimed. "Mulder, it could be anyone out there!"
Mulder ignored her complaints. "That's the point, Scully! Well, she opened the door, and there he was - Joshua!"
Scully let out a sigh of relief. "So what did Carol do?" she asked.
Mulder watched her carefully. "She took him to her bedroom and fucked him."
Scully glanced suspiciously at him. "Mulder, are you sure this is a *ghost* story?"
sure, Scully." He coughed and continued, "so anyway, he gets up to make
a cup of tea, and there's *another* knock on the door. 'Who is it?' he
calls, but there's no reply, except for a scratching sound. Scratch...
scratch... scratch..... So, he goes to open the door..."
"These people are dumb, Mulder."
got defensive. "It's not their fault! They were good students; they
didn't spend their time listening to horror stories or watching gore
movies. How were they to know?"
//Humour him\\ Scully thought. "Okay. I apologise. Continue."
"Joshua walks towards the door... grabbing a knife on the way there."
"Where did he find a knife?" Scully asked curiously.
"On the table, of course!" Mulder said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Oh, of course," Scully repeated, wishing Halloween would be over soon.
he took the knife, walked over to the door, and opened it," Mulder
continued. "And there.... there on the ground... lay the heart with the
Scully pretended to be somewhere else.
"He felt a cold breeze pass by him - - Scully?" Mulder interrupted himself, "Scully, are you listening?"
her head, Scully was having an argument with herself over whether it
was worth starting a diet, what with Christmas so close and all....
Mulder frowned and sulkily said, "Oh Sculleee.... It's not like I ask for much...." he whined.
"Okay, I'm listening. He's looking at the heart with the hook, and what happens?"
Mulder sniffed, satisfied. "He looks up, and sees the doctor, standing there, gutted by his own hook."
"Exactly. So he looks around and sees.... the little girl standing behind the doctor, looking murderous."
"And?" Scully asked, trying not to fall asleep.
that was just too much for Joshua. He fainted! So Carol had to pick him
up, close the door, and once again carry him to the bedroom and...."
"Fuck him? Mulder, you're insane!" Scully exclaimed.
"But admit you like it!" Mulder argued.
"The story? Or what she's doing to him?" Scully asked cautiously.
Mulder sighed. "Scully, I get the feeling you don't take my story seriously."
am I expected to take you seriously? It's practically midnight, you
come in here with your numb hands and your high school improvisation,
this couple almost leave a girl for dead on a beach, then they find a
dead doctor and a murderous little girl on their doorstep and they keep
*fucking* all the time?!?! *How* am I expected to take that
seriously?!" she yelped.
"Well, if you don't want to hear the story, that's just *fine*."
"MULDER, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR HANDS GODAMMIT."
Mulder burst into tears.
Scully instantly regretted yelling at him. "I'm sorry, Mulder..," she said, reaching for him.
Mulder willingly let her embrace him. "Okay, I'll let you hear the rest of the story after all..." he said.
"Thank-you... I think...." Scully mumbled.
Joshua and Carol were... ahem.... *busy*," he said, noticing Scully's
dark stare, "the heart with the hook managed to open the door and skip
into their house. And this time, as Joshua got up to make a cup of tea,
he stepped right on it..."
Mulder paused. "It was kind of
cold and slippery, against his toe...... He fell over, and looked up to
see Carol standing above him. Holding a big.... shiny.... hook! She
plunged it down into his head, and pulled his brain out."
"Horrific," Scully said dryly.
"The End," Mulder proudly announced.
Just then, there was a knock on Scully's motel door. And a scratch... scratch.... scratch....
"Who is it?" Scully called.
door swung open to reveal a ghost! A ghost of none other than Agent
Pendrell, with his heart in his hand, and a hook sticking out...
They just stared at each other, for what seemed like an eternity. Mulder was the first one to speak. "Run, Scully!"
"Run where?" Scully screamed, not moving an inch.
"I don't know!" Mulder screamed, pulling the cover over his head.
that's *mine*!" Scully yelled, pulling the cover away from him. Then
she saw it. "Mulder, where the hell is your boxers?" she yelled.
"I kicked them off!" Mulder explained matter-of-factly. "Can I have a bit of your cover, please?"
"No you can't!" Scully said, still in shock. "Why did you pull them off!?"
"They were uncomfortable, Scully, they kept riding up my buttcrack."
Pendrell groaned and rattled his ghostly chains a bit.
UP!" Scully yelled at the ghost, who promptly had a temper tantrum and
threw the pulsing heart at her. She ducked, and it hit Mulder.
"AAGH!" he cried, leaping from the bed and running around the room in a panic.
Scully collapsed into giggles, and began taking photographs.
Pendrell ghost just sighed. "PLEEASE," he said, "can't you get the
least bit scared of me? It's Halloween for God's sake!"
no-one cared about him. Scully was too busy fighting Mulder, who'd
happened to step into that mystical, slimy stuff on the floor which
they still hadn't had the time to investigate. He was now sitting in
her lap, clinging to her like a small child.
"Shh... it's okay, Mulder..." she tried to comfort him.
She turned to Pendrell. "Can you come back next Halloween instead?"
Now it was Pendrell's turn to cry, and soon, he was sharing Scully's lap with Mulder.
Scully rolled her eyes for maybe the hundredth time that day. "This is the worst Halloween ever," she declared.
We wrote this in a fit of madness, and thought we should point that out as our reputations slide down the drain....