Title: Bath XIII: Hershey Nightmare Author: KMS! and Whitney Cox EMAIL: & Rating: PG-13 Classification: V & H Spoilers: None. Keywords: Bathtub/chocolate Summary: M&S hunt for a ghost in a factory and find unexpected company.(Author's note: Chapter 12 should be read first) Find the earlier "Bath" series fics here http://tooms.gossamer.org/html/title-b-2.html ************ "What are you doing?" Mulder, covered in dry, flaking chocolate, spun around and hissed down the ladder at his partner."He's here.I know he's here."Small, thumb-sized photographs still clung to his coat and hair, a gift from Alex Krycek. Scully re-holstered her gun."No, Mulder.We've checked this entire place.It's clean.No Krycek." "Which is precisely why he has to be in here.This the only place we haven't looked." Scully rolled her eyes and checked the sign by the ladder.It read: 'CATWALK: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.'Suspended above several large vats, all in various stages of being filled with chocolate, and spanning the entire length of the factory, the catwalk was easily a full fifty feet above the floor.Even from the ground, Scully could see she didn't want to follow her partner up the ladder."Mulder, you're nuts.Come down.You're going to hurt yourself." Characteristically ignoring her, he kicked open the door blocking his access to the catwalk.The creaking of the metal resounded throughout the factor and Mulder took a step forward.Scully looked around.She was glad that it was Friday evening and there was no hope of anyone's still being there until at least Monday morning.They didn't have search warrants for this kind of intrusion and acting only on the information of Scully's whacked-out cousin, they had only been authorized to hunt for ghosts.Not a traitor with a grudge, who was trained to elude capture. Kicking off her pumps, she followed Mulder up the ladder. *** As she reached the top, she looked down and felt a fleeting wave of acrophobia wash over her.Scully quickly shut her eyes, trying to steady her nerves.Feeling a firm grip on her shoulder, she once more opened them to see Mulder grinning down at her with one of those cocky, infuriating, little smiles of his."Have a nice trip up?" She cocked an eyebrow in response and Mulder turned away."I'm gonna 'nice trip you'," she muttered, unintelligibly, under her breath. "Come on," he said, stepping carefully over the metal grating and skirting the holes as he led her onward.Scully was careful not to look down at her stockinged feet, lest the feeling of vertigo return.The creeks and groans resounded against the heavy metal vats and reverberated with an almost physical echo.She felt the sharp lattice press against her almost-bare soles, and was so absorbed with this feeling that she did not notice the large object in the road, mere inches away from her. That large object was Mulder, having stopped just above a huge, partially-filled vat of chocolate, to inspect a section of hand railing that had been forcibly removed.What he hadn't inspected, however, was Scully's preoccupied proximity to him, so he was completely unprepared when she plowed into him. Any first-year physics student could have seen this one's inevitable end --- two bodies, one in motion, one unstaable and stationary, collide in an inelastic collision that causes both bodies to accelerate in the direction of the moving body. Which was, unfortunately, off the catwalk. Scully, with a face full of Mulder's suit coat, didn't even realize what was happening until she felt the air rushing past her, tugging at her hair as her body plunged down in free-fall.Mulder was slightly less oblivious, and actually had the presence of mind to emit a true girlie scream in the few moments before impact. With a half-full vat of lukewarm chocolate. SPLAT! Somewhere between a feather bed and a concrete slab, the chocolate was neither soft nor hard, but rather a gooey mixture between the two that caught them in a state of suspended animation.Gravity, being the inevitable and universal force that it is, they slowly began to sink. Scully began to panic and flapped her arms wildly, madly fighting the cruel and unjust fate of being drowned by chocolate. "Stop squirming and stand up!" The voice was not Mulder's, but held a sufficiently authoritative tone as to convince her to stop her thrashing and position herself in an upright (or mostly upright) position.At last, her feet came to rest, on what she presumed to be, the bottom of the vat.The half-warm chocolate mixture stopped slightly above the rise of her breasts.She found herself wishing for the extra inches her pumps would have afforded her. Assessing her surroundings in the manner of any well-trained FBI agent, she realized she was, apparently, now inside the vat of chocolate she had been hovering above only moments ago.And she was not alone.Mulder's limbs were still partly entangled with hers as he struggled to right himself, but the voice... the voice had come from behind her....And Mulder was in front! She spun around and came face to face with Alex Krycek. "You bastard!" was the first thing that popped into her head."Damn it, Krycek, what the hell are you doing here?" she demanded. Leaning against the wall, Krycek was the picture of chocolate-covered suaveness.Though the gooey substance rose only to his mid-chest, she saw traces of it in his hair and on the shoulders of his leather jacket.Brown lines streaked his face, apparently from trying to wipe the chocolatey goodness away.A few stray locks of hair fell into his eyes and he peered through them as if examining her from behind some diaphanous curtain.With almost child-like simplicity, he seemed to be hiding: If he couldn't see her, she couldn't see him.He ignored her question, considering it rather self-explanatory. Mulder's surprise was less strident, if it was no less manifest."Krycek? What are you doing here?" he repeated Scully's question. "I could ask you two the same thing.What does it look like?I was pushed off the catwalk and left here by some...some....I don't know what the hell it was!"The venom and confusion dripped from the younger man's voice, and his eyes flashed lightning the way they did only when he was extremely angry or turned on.Or both. Mulder pouted and then observed with a snicker, "So, they must be having a special on chocolate covered rats." Scully snorted and Krycek shot him a look of disgust before adding smugly, "And FBI agents, it seems." "How do we get out?" Scully inquired, hoping to head off any impending disputes ending in violence. "We don't."Krycek's reply was very definite and punctuated with a nod to a series of chestnut trails up the side of the wall, a testament of a chocolate-covered man's attempts to escape.Failed attempts, Scully noted, since Krycek was obviously still up to his...assets in the gooey brown liquid. There was to be no escape for them either.The walls were at least thirty feet tall, smooth and solid. 'Probably warm to the touch, too,' Scully mused, 'to keep this suspension a liquid all weekend.'Placing a hand against the metal confirmed her suspicions. Looking hopefully at the two agents, Krycek begged, "Please tell me that someone, ANYONE, knows you're here?" Scully turned and looked to Mulder, who looked down at his chocolate-covered self, color rising like fire in his cheeks as his facial features molded into his characteristic Great-I-Screwed-Up-Again look. The younger man was incensed."What?No one?Damn!"He hit the side of the vat with his fist, producing metallic reverberations that echoed hollowly throughout the empty factory."You know, right about now, jail sounds pretty damn good when compared to starving in here with you two!" Daintily scooping up a bit of chocolate, Scully placed her pinkie in her mouth in a manner that made both Mulder and Krycek stop and stare speechlessly at her, both glad that the chocolate rose much higher than either of their waists."Who said anything about starving?" she purred."If anything, I'll die fat and happy in here.This is like an ovulating woman's wet dream." With an effort, Krycek broke the moment of intense sexual tension (that, ironically, went completely unnoticed by the female member of the trio) with a suggestion for their rescue:"I know this may be too much to ask, but do either of you have a cell phones?" Scully shook her head. Mulder looked around sadly and said, "It flew out of my pocket on the way down, hit the side of the vat, and is now resting in peace -- or, rather, in pieces -- somewhere down near our feet.Next?" "We could make a pyramid and try to reach the top," Scully suggested. "No," Krycek replied, shaking his head."It's a good twenty-five, thirty feet out of here.Even if all three of us were over eight feet tall, we'd still have a time doing it."He looked pointedly at Dana."And it's obvious that some us can only DREAM of reaching that height."His voice carried just a lilt of a sneer. Scully snapped back, "You know, I liked you better when you were unconscious and handcuffed, naked, to a hot tub!" "I didn't know you were so kinky, Scully," two voices retorted.The two men looked at each other, startled into silence by their simultaneous rejoinders. Scully merely shook her head, ignored them both, and pressed on, asking, "Any machinery we could climb out with?" This suggestion evoked another shake of the head from Krycek. "No trap doors in the walls, I suppose." "Nope." A moment of silence. "Either of you have a gun?" "Yeah," Scully nodded. "But it's probably too early for me to shoot you yet.I'm sure the chocolate has gummed it all up.Anyway, why do you need a gun?" Krycek's mouth quirked up in a wicked smile."So when we have to resort to cannibalism, I don't have to kill you with my teeth." Mulder squirmed. *** As far as Mulder could tell, they had been here for an hour.It was guesstimate because his watch had stopped when he had fallen, it's clock face stilled for all time.An hour immersed, held immobile in a pool of warm, sensuous chocolate.Like insects on flypaper.He was almost sure he had died and fall had killed him.He couldn't decide whether he was in Heaven or Hell. On one hand, he was trapped, for what could be a very long time, in a vat of chocolate, with two very attractive people.On the other hand, he was trapped, for what could be a very long time, in a vat of chocolate, with two very attractive people.He sighed.He had always hoped that Eternal Rewards and Eternal Punishments would be a little better defined. Scully, meanwhile, wasn't handling captivity well. Mulder was afraid that the strain of being in Hell was too much for her, and felt sorry for her because she had always been a good person, a responsible adult, and always returned her rented videos on time.She probably didn't deserve Hell.She was kind to children and small animals, and made lasagna so heavenly that even the devil would consider changing teams.On the other hand, if they were in Heaven, maybe she was disappointed that it wasn't all she had thought it would be; he didn't see an angel or a harp anywhere.Or it could be, that he just THOUGHT she was there, since this was his own little private Heaven (or Hell) and whomever was running the show thought he needed a little company.This last thought disturbed him something awful. Krycek, on the other hand, looked completely at ease.He lounged against Mulder's back, having shed his leather jacket (sacrificing it to the chocolate gods), looking something far beyond sexy in a white T-shirt that clung to him with damp perspiration.His neck stretched back, his throat exposed, his Adam's Apple pushing so slightly against the delicate white skin, he reminded Mulder of a man sculpted with finest care.Made of marble, he was a figure whose every curve, every line, every inch was so detailed and lovingly crafted as to appear more god-like than human.The heat inside the vat has only hastened to add a sheen of sweat, giving him a glossy patina. 'Perhaps this was Hell', he mused.Only Krycek could look so comfortable in Hell. Scully, by contrast, had taken to pacing (or rather stomping) around the two men in alternately ever-widening and ever-narrowing spiraling circles until the tremendous effort of pulling her body through the chest-deep mixture exhausted her. They had been submerged about ten minutes before Scully had ordered everyone to strip down to their skivvies.At their surprised look, she described for them (in detached, clinical detail) how the heat would dissipate their strength and the sodden clothing would only weigh them down until they were pulled under.Then she quietly informed them that anyone who choose to be pulled down because of heavy clothing and a timid self-image would have to be shot for sheer stupidity -- or barring the functionality of a working Glock among them -- bludgeoned to death. At that point, the men decided to strip down to their boxers and T-shirts and position themselves back to back; protecting each other from a seriously pissed-off FBI agent and giving them the ability to keep an eye on her as she walked the perimeter.Settlers circling the wagons against the marauding hoard...of one. Alex, wisely, refrained from making the obvious connection from Lady Godiva to Godiva Chocolates aloud, considering Scully's frame of mind. The silence was unbearable. Mulder racked his brains, trying desperately to think of something to say, something that fit the situation and perhaps make it a little less tense. However, the first thing he said was the first thing that popped into his mind; though certainly appropriate to their present situation, it was still odd: "Did you know they feed chocolate to cows?" Scully looked up from her fingernails, which were spotlessly clean (if a little ragged from chewing) and had been so for the last half-hour."No way." "Yeah," smiled Mulder."All the excess chocolate they don't use for one reason or another gets fed to livestock." This bizarre little factoid actually provoked a deep-throated chuckle from Krycek, which Mulder felt rumble against his spine."That sounds two Moon Pies shy of cannibalism." "We're going to become cattle fodder," Dana heaved a heavy sigh. "And eventually, bullshit," Alex quipped. Scully shot him a glare and said, "Thank you so much for that eloquent reminder. Mulder added, "Just remember, Scully; 'To err is human; To moo, bovine." In lieu of tomatoes, the audience threw chocolate. *** Mulder wondered aloud, "Don't they make chocolate kisses here?" "Mulder, I'm up to my ass in chocolate, and believe me, you can kiss it!" Scully REALLY wasn't dealing well with being placed in a chocolate stew pot. "Only if I can squeeze your 'Mounds', too," Mulder retorted with a leer. "Try to touch my 'Milk Duds' and I'll break your "Almond Joy," she threatened him with a grin. "But, Scully, yours are 'Good and Plenty." Scully's eyes narrowed, "Don't make me grab your 'Big Hunk' and squeeze your "Raisinettes' until you sing like a girl." Krycek frowned as something clicked in his memory."Speaking of which, didn't I hear you scream like a girl when you fell in here?" He arched his neck to look back at Mulder. Mulder looked affronted."That was Scully!" "It was not!" she countered."I couldn't even see, much less have time to scream when we fell!" Krycek smirked. "Shut up, Krycek!" Mulder pouted. *** Mulder tilted his head and tried to identify the tune that Krycek was humming.It finally dawned on him and he elbowed Alex in the ribs to make him stop.After all, the last thing he needed to hear was 'The Candy Man.' Scully sighed."I wish we had a radio." "Yeah, we could drop it in the chocolate and kill ourselves," Mulder responded. Scully shot him a deadly glare. Mulder held up his hands defensively, "Just kidding!" He hardly objected at all when he heard Alex humming 'Sugar Sugar' by the Archies and then segued into 'My Boy Lollipop.' *** "I told you that climbing up to the catwalk was nuts, Mulder," Scully groused. "But I was right, Scully," Mulder countered."He was here." Scully ignored his logic and looked pointedly at an invisible spot below the chocolate level."And, now, it's chocolate covered nuts!And chocolate covered Winky." Krycek snickered."Sounds like a candy bar." Mulder blushed and squirmed behind him."Did you know that this plant alone has twenty-four cocoa bean silos?That's enough to make five and a half billion chocolate bars." "How does he know this stuff?" Krycek demanded of Scully. Scully shrugged."He just does.His head is full of trivia.And sometimes, I doubt much else." Mulder added, "And they use seven hundred thousand quarts of milk a day." Scully snorted, "Told you.It's a wonder he can think at all." Krycek pondered the massive quantities needed to keep the plant running. "Wouldn't you hate to be the milkman that has to deliver THAT every day?" Both agents looked at him, puzzled. Krycek asked, "What?" "Uh...they probably bring it in tankers, Alex." Scully shook her head in wonder.Agent Provocateur?Triple Traitor?Subterfuge Specialist?Scully snorted.It's a wonder the man could chew gum and walk at the same time. Sometimes he was as dumb as a post.Pretty, but dumb.Not that she objected, mind you.She looked over at the two men, comparing them.Both good-looking, both covered in chocolate.But with his eyes, Alex was mint chocolate chip to Mulder's warm hazelnut mocha.Damn, she was getting hungry. Krycek's face reddened."Oh." Pretty, but dumb. *** MULDER:Okay, you're turn.Give me a word that starts with an 'X' and you can't use x-ray again. SCULLY:Xylopolist. KRYCEK:Is that a word? MULDER: What does it mean? SCULLY:A timber merchant. <::silence::> KRYCEK:What?!Do I LOOK like I brought a fucking dictionary? MULDER: Okay, okay.Never mind.Your turn.'Y.' KRYCEK: Yeti!Next? *** *** SCULLY:...and then Eddie showed up at my apartment and he looked *just like* Mulder. KRYCEK: Even down to the nose?Poor bastard! MULDER: HEY! SCULLY:Yeah, even down to the mole. KRYCEK:You'd think he'd improve on the original if he had the chance. MULDER:What's wrong with my nose? KRYCEK:Did it come with a clown costume? MULDER:Don't EVEN make fun of my nose!Besides, you don't have any place to talk.Did they sew on that button of yours as an afterthought?How do you manage to breathe through that? KRYCEK:I breath just fine, schnauzer! SCULLY:Right now, I wish MINE didn't work.I'm sick of the smell of chocolate. KRYCEK:Do you know what they say are aphrodisiac smells for women? SCULLY:After today, I'd say chocolate isn't one of mine! KRYCEK: Actually, it's vanilla, followed by baby powder. MULDER:Really? KRYCEK:Yeah. MULDER: Do you think Calvin Klein makes colognes like those? KRYCEK: I don't think so, Mulder. *** "Too bad your cousin didn't work in a brewery instead, Scully," Mulder sighed."At least we'd be drunk when we died.I have a toast that reminds me of you, Alex." Scully raised her brows."Let's hear it." Mulder intoned, "'Drink not to my past, which is weak and indefensible, //Nor to my present, which is not above reproach; //But let us drink to our futures, which, thank God, are immaculate.'" Krycek grinned, "I like it!I like the thought that my future is immaculate." Mulder looked over at the chocolate stained man."Not your immediate future," Mulder informed him with a chuckle."And that's probably the only thing left of you that is, and even at that, I'm not so sure." Alex moued his lips at Mulder, just short of doing something rude."Bite me, Mulder." "Bring it on, Chocolate Boy!" "Pttthtp!" Scully snickered and shook her head at them as Alex gave into the urge to stick his tongue out at the FBI agent. *** From the mind of Dana Scully: Time:a universal invariant.Which shortens to an instant or stretches to an eternity depending on one's personal perception of it. Invariant my ass! *** MULDER:Scully, why do they call it the funny bone? SCULLY:Because it's located next to your humerus. MULDER:Does it tell jokes? SCULLY:Like I haven't heard THAT in every anatomy class I've ever had. KRYCEK:I've got a joke for you. MULDER:Okay, give. KRYCEK:What do a hurricane, a tornado, and an East Texas divorce all have in common? SCULLY:Okay, I'll bite.What do a hurricane, a tornado and an East Texas divorce all have in common? KRYCEK:Somebody's gonna lose a trailer! *** Now that four hours had passed, Scully was starting to wear out.She had been up the night before taking care of her mother, who had a slight cold and fever."Nothing to worry about," she had assured Dana.But, the dutiful daughter (and physician) had still needed to make sure that her mother was all right.However, the lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with her, and her eyes grew increasingly heavy. Mulder noticed that his partner was fading fast and waded over to her, unsettling Krycek in the process.He drew a hand across her forehead, ever so gently pulling occasional strands of hair from her eyes."You need to sleep, Scully." She brushed his hand away."I'm fine," she muttered, not sounding as thoroughly convincing as she would have liked. "No," he said, "you're not.Here, did you ever play in a swimming pool as a kid?" "Yeah." "And did you ever do the backfloat?" "Yeah, but I was never good at it.Why?" she asked suspiciously. "Well, this chocolate is thicker than water.You can float on your back and you'll let the chocolate support most of your weight and I'll hold you afloat.Since you wouldn't sink too much anyway, you should be okay.Just don't roll over." Scully was too tired for even a polite protest.She lifted her feet, toes pointed, and balanced herself between Mulder's strong arms, pausing to think only two thoughts before she let herself be dragged down into unconsciousness. The first was how absurd their situation was --- here she lay, condemned to perhaps die, not nobly or in the line of duty, but with an enemy and her best friend inside a vat of chocolate.The humor was almost enough to make her cry. The second thought, too fleeting to be even noticed by the rational mind, or remembered when she awoke, was to wonder how the boys would taste as a chocolate bunnies. With a small smile on her lips, she drifted off to sleep. *** Scully felt as if she had just shut her eyes when the pipe that loomed over the top of the vat began to rattle, and then to rumble, and then to spew chocolate onto their unprotected heads. Scully yelped in surprise and started to sink, then struggled to her feet as a gob of gooey mix hit her on the forehead.She heard Mulder yell, "It's filling up!"Seconds later she was drenched once more in chocolate. Dana's first thought was: 'Great!Death by chocolate!'Her next was: 'I'm going to kill Mulder for this.'And as an afterthought: 'And then Krycek.' The three scrambled around, trying to avoid the downpour, and ended huddled together on the side farthest from the deluge. The pipe continued to spill out until the level of the liquid had risen six feet.And then, as abruptly as it started, it stopped.Each, in turn, let out a sigh of relief. "What the hell was that?" Mulder shouted, treading water...er, chocolate. "It must be on a timer," Dana guessed aloud. "At least we're closer to the top!" Alex added. And farther from the bottom!" Three sets of eyes raised in unison to study their new position.Sure enough, they were only twenty feet from the top, but their feet no longer touched the bottom."There is still no way we can reach it though," Alex stated the obvious. "Well, thank you, Mr. Science!" Mulder responded sarcastically. Alex shrugged his now-chocolate covered shoulders and resumed his study of the problem. "This oil is terrible for my skin," Dana complained."My whole body is going to be one big zit!" Alex glanced over at her."If we get out of this alive, I'll personally spring for a mud bath at the health spa of your choice." "You got a deal, Mister!" "We're not going to be able to stay afloat forever, guys," Mulder pointed out, unhelpfully. Before anyone could retort to this little fact, the pipe above them opened once again and more liquid poured out. "Damn it!I think it's trying to kill us!" Alex raged. "Shut up, you idiot!If it fills up enough, we'll be able to reach the top and climb out!" Mulder yelled. "Oh, yeah." Cute, but dumb. *** 'Fifteen feet from the top.Only fifteen feet!Gypsies must have cursed me when I was born,' Mulder thought glumly."How long before we get another load of this crap?" he asked aloud. "Mulder, please don't refer to the chocolate as crap." He looked at his partner."Why, Scully?Does it offend your delicate sensibilities?Your innate protectiveness of chocolate?" "No, Mulder.It's just that 'crap' is not a word that I want to be thinking about while I am floating around in a substance that has the same color and consistency as pooh." "She has a point," Krycek added. Mulder shifted uncomfortably."Point taken." "I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I am beginning to seriously DESPISE the smell of chocolate."Her voice was mournful, similar to the way people talked about losing a best friend. "Not to mention the feel.If I never feel sticky again, I will die a happy man." "Amen!" They all nodded in agreement with Krycek's statement. Mulder noticed a red painted line on the interior of the vat."Hey, what do you think happens when the chocolate hits the red line?" As if in answer to his question, they heard the clatter and groan of large machinery set in motion. "Shit!"Dana screamed. "What the hell is that?" Krycek yelled above the din. "Maybe the ghost came back!" Mulder answered.His statement was met with two sets of lacerating glares.He lifted his hands over the liquid in a well-it-could-happen gesture and shrugged."Just a thought." "It's tilting!" "What?!" "It's tilting...turning over." They watched in horror as their circle of vision shifted as the vat did a slow, mechanically controlled roll.With a metallic shriek vying for volume against several human ones, the vat turned on its side and gushed its contents out and over the side. The three people inside tumbled ass-over-elbows as they were poured from the vat into a trough which fed several smaller vats, where the discarded chocolate was left to cool and harden before being broken up and shipped out for livestock feed. Three dazed and gooey humans found themselves free at last. Gingerly they crawled out of the massive trough, and lowered themselves to the floor, leaving chocolate puddles marking their path.Only Alex had the presence of mind to stay in long enough to grab their slimy clothes and toss them over the side to the floor below, barely missing Mulder's head in the process. Several pieces of clothing landed with a splat on the floor at the feet of the two government agents.Mulder looked up to see what was taking Krycek so long to climb down and join them.When he did, he realized that Alex had disappeared.Along with their guns.'Damn him!' "Well, I hope he's good for that spa offer.I feel like hell and probably look it." Scully shook her head and sent droplets of chocolate flying. Mulder thought it best not to mention that she was never going to get rid of that sticky sweet smell.He made a mental note not to get her chocolate for her birthday.Or Valentine's Day.Or ever again, for that matter. "Do you want to call for backup, or shall I?" "No phone, remember?" "Oh, yeah." They stood in silence. "Want to walk away and pray that no one ever asks us how we spent last night?" "What are the odds we'll get away with it?" "Pretty good, if we haul ass before anyone gets here." "What will the rental company say about the upholstery?" "We'll deal with that when we come to it.Now, come on." Anyone standing on the street, in the early morning, might have noted two dark figures, moving very slowly and laboriously toward a car, then getting in and taking off before anyone could see them. *** Harold Upkies had been having a bad day.His wife had a cold.His kids had been cranky.They were out of cereal.He'd been caught in traffic.And now, he had arrived at the factory (the factory that he was supposed to unlock), only to find it was already unlocked. He pushed the door open carefully, and looked around.The light through the windows must be playing tricks with his eyes, because he couldn't possibly be seeing...a naked, chocolate covered man, brandishing a chocolate covered gun, taking his keys and stealing his car, and leaving only chocolate footprints in his wake. *********** The End *********** send all comments to: KMS! & Whitney Cox