Title: The Case Of The Haunted Toilet
Author: ps2princess2004
Author's Page: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/488522/
Category: X-Files
Genre: Humor/Mystery
Completed: 02/01/2004
Words: 2420
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer : These characters aren't mine, they are Chris Carters :))

Summary: Mulder and Scully's next case involves a haunted toilet.


Agent Dana Scully, strolled into the FBI Building late, on a Monday morning. She carried with her a coffee beverage that she bought from a gas station she stopped at. She ran to the elevater, and pushed the button while muttering for it to go faster. The elevater opened and she tore off down the hallway to their basement office. She jammed the key in the door and turned it, pushing the door open, to see Mulder sitting at his desk with a casefile.

"Forgot to set the alarm Scully?" Mulder teased with a smile. She just gave him a evil look and grumbled. "Sorry Scully. I was just kidding, honest." Scully looked over at Mulder, who gave her a apologetic look.

"Its ok Mulder, " Scully sighed and continued, "Its been a rough morning." He got up from his leather desk chair and gave her a hug.

"I know, I've had too many to count, " he said while he embraced her. After a couple of minutes, they stepped out of their embrace and sat back down. Mulder sat back in his leather chair while Scully took a seat in another leather chair at his desk. He then picked up the Casefile yet again to get another look through it.

"So tell me, whats it this time? Monster in the lagoon? or some type of alien syndrom thing?"

"Well, From what the file say, it seems to be a Haunting, " Mulder told her.

"A Haunting?" She Questioned him.

"Yep. Aparently in West Virginia, in a mansion bult long ago. Here's a picture of it." He handed it to Scully. Scully looked at it observed it. It was a beautiful masion with a lovely garden. The mansion was whitesh siverish color with a giant colorfull yard. And also in the picture was a lovely couple posing with smiles.

"Wow, this is the Mansion?" Mulder nodded. "It doesn't even look like your average haunted house."

"And what does your AVERAGE haunted house look like Scully?" Mulder teased.

"You know Mulder, Ugly, Dirty, and smelly. And paint comming of the walls with Spiders and other weird insects." Mulder rolled his eyes.

"And you think im the crazy one, " he said teasingly. She laughed histaricly with Mulder joining in. They laughed for over a minute and cleared there throats trying to get back to business.

"So what is supposively haunting this place?" Scully asked

"Well I only got through half of the file so i don't really know yet." He flipped through two pages until it said what it was that was haunted.

"OH MY GOD !" Mulder blurted out while trying to hold back laughter.

"What? What is it?" She asked growing curious. He couldn't hold it back anymore and began laughing like crazy. Scully grabbed the file and looked to see what was so funny.

It read that only one thing in the house was haunted, THE ToILET.

A/N : Hey there, I know its been a while sense i wrote anything. Ive been going through Clinical Depression and doing tons of projects. I'll work on Chapter 2 sometime Tomorrow :)

Hey tell me what you think :) i love reviews :) thank you :))

*Chapter 2*: When Toilets Attack

Title : The case of the Haunted Toilet

Author : ps2princess2004

Rating : PG-13

Disclaimer : like always, these characters are Chris Carters and no one elses ;) lol

Summary : Mulder and Scully's next case involves a haunted toilet


Scully started laughing her butt off like crazy, "This can't be right. There's no such thing as a haunted toilet."

"Try telling that to the couple who owns the place." Just then there was a knock at the door. The door opened, revealing Assistent Directer Skinner.

"Hello agents."

"Hello Sir, " they both answered.

"I just wanted to give you these slides and the papers that go with them, aparently they fell out of the casefile as it was getting delivered to you this morning." Mulder gladly accepted the slides and the papers, as Skinner headed out the door.

"Lets fire up the "Old Slidey"," Mulder said as he set up the Projecter.

"You named it Old Slidey?"

"Yeah. So? Hey its better then "Old Crusty" or "Old Dusty" or even "Old Smelly"."

"Oh brother, " Scully sighed.

"Ok, lets see, according to this paper, all the slides contain some type of damage the Toilet did." Scully kept assuring to herself that this was some type of weirdo dream she was having and wanted to wake up, while mulder clicked on the controller making the projecter show the first slide. The first slide contained a picture of some one's butt with vicious bloody bite marks. The second slide showed the same thing. Only with a different person. The third slide showed a person's head caught betwwen the toilet bowl and the seat. One of the last slides contained a petite male with this "thing" slammed in the toilet seat.

"Wow Mulder, maybe the toilet IS actually haunted."

"Well DUH Scully, I mean would you like it if you were taking a leak and having the toilet seat slam on your Winkie."

"Are you implying I have a "Winkie"?" Scully said in a shocked and furious tone.

"Hey how would I know? Heck for all I know you could be one of those girls with both male and female parts, " Mulder shot back while waggling his eyebrows. Scully stood up and went to the back room. She came back with an giant inflateable baseball bat and gave him a great big WACK on the head and three more WACKS in other places.

"That was for saying I have "Winkie", " she said as she walked back and put inflateable baseball bat away.

"Hey where did that baseball bat thing come from?" Mulder asked while in pain.

"I bought it. I call it my "Emergencey Mulder Is A Dumbass Plan." When your acting like a Dumbass, for example, a few minutes ago, then I wack you, " She said with a big grin.

"I got to remember that from now on, " Mulder mutterd to himself.

"Anyways, when are we flying out?"

"This evening."

"Ok well, I gotta go pack then."

"Ok Scully. I'll pick you up at 6pm for the airport."

"Ok Mulder, see you then."

"Hey Scully?"

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Your not gonna bring that inflateable baseball bat are you?" Scully turned toward him.

"Thats for me to know and you to find out." She gave a evil smile and walked out.

"Something tells me, I don't want to know, " he muttered outloud to himself.


Theire plane arrived safely at the DUllas airport in D.C. and they got their luggage, rented a car, and are now entering West Virginia. They drove for at least an hour and a half before reaching their destenation. "Hey Scully, whats the address of the mansion?"

"It says 2091 Colman street in the town of Martinsburg, " She read. Another half an hour later they pasted the "Martinsburg Welcomes You" sign.

"Finally, we made it to town. one more half an hour and I would have fallen asleep at the wheel." He said with a sigh of relief.

"Oh I'd make sure you would get up in a hurry, " she answered back. They drove around trying to look for Colman street, but couldn't find it. After 20 minutes Scully spoke up,

"Mulder, your going in circles."

"Am not."

"Are To."

"So? What if i am? is that a crime?"

"Yes!" she shot back. Mulder made a face towards her, and she just rolled her eyes. "Mulder look, there's a store on the right, pull in and ask for directions."

"Scully, no way. Only idiots ask for directions, I'm a Man Scully, not a little kid."

"What is it with men and asking for directions, "She said out loud.

"Scully I'm not going in. " he sat back in the seat with his arms folded like a little kid.

"Oh Mulder . . Wack Wack Wack, " she teased him.

"You didn't . ."

"Ha, im not saying. But Mulder, I have to pee and sense they don't have a bathroom, I'M NOT GONNA WET MY PANTS LIKE AN ANIMAL."

"Um Scully, uh i don't think animals wear pants."

"JUST GO IN THERE AND ASK FOR THE FREAKIN DIRECTIONS !!" She barked. As Mulder walked in there, he was trying to think why Scully was acting like this. Until he rememberd that this was her "Time Of the Month". He asked for the directions and got them with ease.


As they pulled up into the driveway, they were greeted by the couple they saw in the picture. Mulder and Scully got out of car and walked up to the two.

"Hi I'm special Agent Fox Mulder and this is my partner Special Agent Dana Scully. We're here about your little haunted problem."

"Ok, I hope you can help us out. By the way I'm Jim Bob and this is my wife Nancy." Mulder shook both of their hands. He looked around for Scully, but she wasn't around.

"Hey Jim, you didn't happen to see where Scully went have you?" Mulder asked.

"No I haven't, hmmm, Hey Nancy did you see where Agent Scully went?"

"Yeah, she asked to use the bathroom," Nancy answered.

"Um Nancy, we only have one bathroom. "

"Uh oh . . Ooops."

Scully walked upstairs and was happy she found the bathroom. She turned on the light and shut the door. just as she sat down, the light went out. "Aw Crap!" she said. then all of a sudden, she felt something bite her butt, "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

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