Title: Halloweenie Author: Emily Bate Summary: It's Halloween and Mulder is trying to uncover the biggest conspiracy of all. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Special Agent Dana Scully looked at her partner Fox Mulder with a critical eye. "How many pumpkins were killed in the making of that horrendous tie?" Mulder's piece de resistance today was a garish orange color, splattered with red and green. Mulder glanced down at his tie and looked at Scully inquisitively. "What's wrong with the tie? I like it. Bought it especially for Halloween." "If your aim was scaring people, you were successful. If I didn't know you better, I'd probably be screaming and running away right now," Scully came dangerously close to smiling, but caught herself just in time. "Anyway, we should really get ready to go. The plane's going to be landing any minute." "If we're lucky," Mulder said, packing up his belongings. ~*~*~*~ Twenty minutes later, Mulder and Scully were in their rented car, trying to navigate out of the crowded airport. "Okay," Mulder said, "we always go over the facts of the case on the way to our first investigation site." "What about going to the motel and getting our rooms?" Scully asked. Mulder sighed impatiently and shook his head. "We don't have time for that, Scully. This is only a forty-four minute show. We don't have a moment to waste." "Right." Scully said, nodding. She was equal to the task. "So, shall we begin reviewing the facts of the case now? I don't think I read the file. I never read the file." "Well, on October 30th, last night, a group of strange beings were seen outside of a small town in eastern Michigan-" "That's what we forgot to do!" Scully exclaimed, "we forgot to write where we were and the time on the screen when the scene opened. Chris is going to kill me..." "As I was saying," Mulder said, "the beings were described by one woman who saw them as 'ghosts'. I figured it was worth coming out here to check around, seeing as this our slow season." "And seeing as we get to run around like ten-year-olds on Halloween instead of passing out candy," Scully chimed in. "So where are we going first?" Mulder was about to answer when he looked down at his watch and gasped. "Oh no! It's six o'clock!" "So? Who cares? What's so special about six o'clock?" "That's the time when trick-or-treating starts. The ghostly apparitions will appear. Every Devil's Night and every Halloween they are spotted. It's the durndest thing." Scully's eyes opened wide and her lips parted slightly. Mulder noticed his partner's frightened rabbit look, but since he saw it every episode, he paid no heed. As they neared the small town of Holly, Michigan Scully began to see what Mulder had been talking about. Small versions of adults were scampering about the streets, laughing with glee. Mulder looked at the throngs of people, shaking his head and mumbling. Without warning, Mulder slammed on the brakes and threw open the door. "I see a ghostly apparition, Scully. Grab your weapon!" Scully vaulted out of the car and followed Mulder out into the night, her gun held up in readiness. She reached Mulder just as he grabbed the ghost and spun it around. "Who were you before you died! And why are you haunting these innocent people?! Answer me, I'm an FBI agent. I can do anything I want. Absolutely anything! Bwa ha ha ha!!" Mulder blinked once or twice and looked expectantly at the frightened spirit. "My name's Joshy and I'm this many." He held up four fingers. Mulder grabbed the ghost's hand and cried, "Ghosts don't have hands! In fact, ghosts aren't even solid! It's a conspiracy! It's all a government cover-up! You're not a ghostly apparition!" "Nope," Joshy replied. "I'm this many." He held up several more fingers than the last attempt. "Well, if you're not a ghost, are you and extraterrestrial?" Mulder looked up, hopeful. "Are you a clone?" Scully added helpfully. "Or maybe a midget working for the government. Wait! Is that scientifically applicable to this week's episode? I'll have to consult my psychic..." Scully wandered away, pulling out her cellular phone and shaking her head. Mulder watched Scully walk away and turned back to Joshy. "Well, what are you, then. Out with it. I have a gun and I've used it before, too." "I'm a dinosaur! A stephalagosaurus!" Joshy turned and ran laughing to his parents, who looked decidedly mammalian. "But wait! Dinosaurs are extinct! One X-File at a time!" Mulder cried out, bewildered. He did not remain upset, though, because he spotted a goblin running towards a house across the street. "Stop! FIB! I mean, FBI!" He followed the goblin quietly, watching as it rang the doorbell of a brick house. Oh no, Mulder thought and the door opened. "Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!" The goblin cried. "Nooooo," Mulder screamed, running from his cover behind a tree to tackle the goblin. "Ow!" The goblin screamed, "You hurt my knee! Get off of me, you oversized dork! Yah! That was my eye! Owwww!" The goblin managed to scramble out from underneath Mulder and the agent sprung up, pointing his gun at the goblin. Mulder was about to cuff the goblin when a man and a woman rushed up to him and wrestled the gun away. "What are you doing to our son?" The woman cried, outraged. Mulder looked at the goblin, who pulled off his mask revealing the face of a pleasant little boy with a dark scowl on his face. "Oh, darn..." ~*~*~*~ ASSISTANT DIRECTOR WALTER SKINNNER'S OFFICE 6:45 P.M. "Much better," Scully commented. Mulder and Scully sat in Skinner's office, waiting for him to speak. Skinner sat behind his desk, trying to look disappointed. "I am very disappointed in you two," he said, "especially you Mulder. What were you thinking? There are ghostly apparitions all over on Halloween. They're commonly known as children. And this field report, Scully. I somehow doubt if you were actually there!" "Oh she was, sir," Mulder said, "she left in the middle to consult her psychic friends, though. But she was there when he caught the first ghostly apparition." "It wasn't a ghostly apparition! Why must we constantly overuse that phrase!?! You saw a little boy, a little five year old boy named Joshua Phillips with an overactive imagination." "But he said he was a dinosaur! A snuffaluffagosaurus if I remember correctly." "And if he told you he was an E.B.E., you would have bagged him and tagged him, Mulder." Scully said. Mulder shot her a look saying, 'you're supposed to be on my side.' Scully merely stuck out her tongue at Mulder and mouthed, "that's for tattling." Skinner looked sternly at his agents. "This a huge disappointment. I'm thinking of closing down the X-Files permanently." "Oh, and how many times have we heard that one?" Mulder said, rolling his eyes. "I don't know Mulder, but that could have scientific bearing on this episode. I'll go consult the stars and get back to you. My cellular phone will be ready. See ya, Skinny." Scully stood up and smoothed her hair. "Later, Scullery," Skinner replied, straightening the paperwork on his desk. He watched her leave the room and turned to Mulder once more. "Agent Mulder, we need to talk. Cancer Man is out to get you." "That's okay, I'll avoid him by cleverly consorting with my mysterious informants." "We killed them off last season." "Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, that's a great set-up for next week's episode." "I can't wait until Thanksgiving, Mulder." Skinner stood up and opened the door for Mulder, who stepped outside and gave Skinner a fierce look. "Neither can I. I heard that there have been several Sasquatch sightings. I want to check it out." Skinner shrugged. "I don't believe in your work, Agent Mulder, but I will say that you do have a wonderful imagination. You should write an episode of the X-Files." "Been there, done that. Nobody liked that episode, they all said it was a bunch of made up hogwash." "Well then, good luck Mulder." Skinner retreated to his office after saying, "and see about changing your tie. It's not good for morale." ~*~*~*~ As Mulder walked down into the parking area, his cellular phone rang. "Mulder." He said matter-of-factly. "Hi, it's me. Where are you?" Scully's voice seemed very close by. "In the parking lot, where are you?" "Right here." Scully stepped out of the shadows and hung up her phone. "I was waiting for you to come out of Skinny's meeting. We need to make a little trip." "Where to, Scully?" Mulder opened the driver's door and strapped himself in. Scully sat next to him and winked. "To a little place I'd like to call...Wardrobe. That tie is giving me a headache." EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: EMILY BATE (Ha ha ha...I'm the boss now!)