TITLE: The Genesis Project XII 
AUTHOR: aRcaDIaNFall$ 
FEEDBACK: arcadianfalls@yahoo.com.au 
RATING: PG 
SPOILERS: can't remember any! helps if you've read the rest of the TGP
series, or at least TGP10 
CLASSIFICATION: MSR, alternate universe, kidfic, SRA 
SUMMARY: The return of Ed Wright. 
AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry for the delay. RL inconveniently got in the way. 
--> http://www.geocities.com/arcadianfallss/ 
  

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- JACQUELINE POV - 

They didn't know I was there. Dana was starting to look impatient,
fanning herself, uncomfortable even in the air conditioned waiting
area. I couldn't imagine how she dealt with being outside. Summer had
arrived early, bringing widespread grumbling and reviving the old
debates on global warming and pollution. It was the hottest May on
record in ten years.  

She looked like she was in a bad mood. I didn't know where Fox had
gone, whether he'd disappeared on some pretext to avoid having to wait
with her. A lot of expectant fathers pulled that one, if they hadn't
managed to avoid coming along altogether. It was a bad time of year to
be pregnant, especially in the last trimester. Dana had been dealing
with it better than most, but I could see her patience running out. 

She rearranged the printed summer dress she was wearing, shaking the
long skirt, trying to cool herself down before sitting back, resigned,
one hand cupping her belly, the other again fanning her face. She
looked up in acknowledgement of Fox's re-entrance, asking who the phone
call had been from. 
"Just Skinner." He pocketed the phone, taking the seat beside her, her
hand in his. She looked across at him and ducked her head as he smiled,
smiling herself, I guessed. They looked shy, young and hopeful as if
they were on a first date. Not such a bad mood, after all. 

"Dana and Fox?" Aaron strode into the waiting room with the broad
welcoming smile he used to put everyone at ease, indicating his open
office. "Come on through." 

I watched as he ushered them in. Just as he was about to close the
door, he saw me, leaning against the doorframe of my own office. He
grinned at me, eyebrows raised, and I smiled sheepishly at being
caught. I watched as he drew the door closed after them, then retreated
into my own office, swinging idly in my desk chair. Aaron had asked me
around for dinner again. I still didn't know what to do. Maybe it was
best not to act until it felt right. Maybe I needed to take a risk. 
I shrugged, tapping the touchpad of my laptop to wake it up. I had work
to do.  

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- SCULLY POV - 

He was discouraged. I could tell easily enough, by the way he was
slumped on the couch in old jeans and t-shirt, bare feet up on the
coffee table, nudging a pile of the kids' library books closer and
closer to the edge. It was just as much the attitudes of other agents
working the case and the twisted, violent nature of the crimes being
committed as it was the brick wall his theory had hit that was getting
him down. I guess I wasn't helping much, either. I hated the heat.
Though I was able to be more active at home with not having to work, I
felt like the unwitting victim of my own emotions. My hormones were
playing havoc. I was in a semi-permanent state of PMS. Even Mulder, my
beautiful Mulder, was driving me mad. I just wanted to move to
Antarctica and hide out by myself until this baby was born, which
couldn't be soon enough. 

I was barely listening to Mulder. I'd heard the details of the case, I
knew his theory, knew what he was almost going mad searching for. A
killer had been at work in the DC area, his signature crime scenes in
fitting with nursery rhymes. The murders were violent and coldhearted,
and the primary suspect, linked to almost every crime by damning
physical evidence, had an unbreakable alibi for each and every
occasion. Mulder suspected some sort of astral projection, or the
ability to impose on others the impression that he was in their
presence when in reality he was not. Other agents and local law
enforcement, while just as determined that their suspect was the
killer, were trying to crack the alibi by attacking witness'
credibility. Neither approach was getting them very far. 
  
  

I sighed. I needed a long, cold shower, though in the heat of our
bedroom I'd get sweaty again soon enough, even with the covers kicked
back and fan whirring through the night. 

"Put work away for tonight." I got to my feet, awkward as ever. "Erin
will want a story before bed." 

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- MULDER POV - 

She called me at work. "Heard you wanted the last victim re-examined." 

"You spying on me, Scully?" 

"I want to do it." 

"Not a chance." 

"Who else are you going to call? What more are they going to do than
the first guy who did the autopsy? You're looking for evidence that
points to the paranormal at work. You know I'm the only one who has any
idea." 

"You're on maternity leave, Scully." 

"And I'm not due for another three weeks." 

"Erin was two weeks early." 

"So I deliver next week. This week, I'm available to slice and dice. Do
you want my help or not?" 
  

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- SCULLY POV - 

He came in as I was examining the victim's massive head wound. Blunt
force trauma. He smiled at me, hovered for a second, then backed out
again, as if afraid I would yell at him. I wouldn't have. This was
hardly a glorious return to work but I felt far improved with having
something to do. Keeping Erin amused all day could be a challenge, but
this was something I could get my teeth into. 

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- MULDER POV - 

She was examining something under the microscope when I returned. I
told her that I loved her in scrubs and she smiled, pointing out how
the sleeves swam on her. She needed a bigger size to cover her belly.  

She was smiling. I think she liked the morgue. It was always cold.  

There had been cotton fibres in the hair and around the wound. She was
showing them to me under the microscope when my phone rang. "Hold that
thought," I told her, pulling away to answer. 

My stomach turned as the news was relayed. Another murder. This time
Goldilocks. A young family had been killed, their bodies propped up on
chairs as a gruesome welcome for the elder daughter returning home from
school. Mom, Pop and baby, three in a row. We were being toyed it,
taunted. I was sickened. 

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- SCULLY POV - 

It was the middle of the night. I'd been dozing, needing to pee but
putting it off, having finally found a comfortable sleeping position
and not wanting to relinquish it. 

I found Mulder in the bathroom, staring in the mirror under the harsh
lights, every bump and shadow and scar on his face sharply illuminated.

"I had a nightmare," he muttered, head bowed. "There were five chairs
in a row." 

I put my hand on his back. "This isn't the time for you to be on a case
like this. It's not an x-file and you're not assigned to violent
crimes. Let it go. Go chase a UFO or something." 

"Can I have that order in writing?" 

"Nope." I smiled, weary. "I'm on maternity leave." 
  

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- MULDER POV - 

Time. It was supposedly a universal invariant, each second as long as
the next and the last, each hour followed by another hour, each day
followed by another day. The kitchen clock seemed to verify that, hands
gliding as it ticked away, second by second. And yet... Everything was
so still, so slow. The heavy humidity of the day already weighing down
on us, maybe. The weather just wasn't letting up. As Scully had pointed
out many times, unimpressed, it wasn't even officially summer yet. 

I glanced at the kids. They were sitting around the dinner table,
digging through Astrid's box of craft paper, spreading bits and pieces
across the table, Astrid and Josh trying to stop Erin from pulling
everything apart while the kitten shredded some scraps of handmade
paper under the table. Last minute mother's day card, I thought.
Usually they were ready days in advance, but the kids had been busy
with exams and assessments. Not so easy to keep whatever they were
doing a secret with Scully at home all day. Though she was always tired
and uncomfortable she was as unrelenting as the weather, keeping the
house organised, entertaining Erin. I had always been the one incapable
of sitting still for five minutes - usually Scully was more than
willing to have a long bubble bath or snuggle up with a book, some sort
music playing in the background, some scented candles. Now, she
couldn't stand any sort of scent, or to listen to any of her CDs for
more than thirty seconds. She would hardly even stop to sit down and
put her feet up unless she could keep her hands busy, whether it be
patching up torn clothes or editing school essays. Only at the end of
the day would she stop, tossing and turning in the bed, trying to get
comfortable. She had the fan by her bed on all night, and the room
temperature dropped so much that I felt like I were in a refridgerator.
But finally she'd be comfortable, and if I were game I'd reach out to
touch her, maybe even hold her.  

Tick, tick, tick... I shook myself, pushing off from the kitchen
counter I had been leaning against, and shrugged my stiff shoulders,
trying to relax. It was weekend.  

She was in the shower. The door to our ensuite was ajar and I pushed it
further, standing in the doorway, just watching her through the frosted
glass. She was rinsing the shampoo from her hair, face upturned under
the pelting water, eyes closed. Finally, a sigh, and she reached to cut
the water, standing still for a seconds, dripping, hair hanging over
her face.  

Her towel was tossed over the top of the glassed shower wall. She
tugged it down, pulling it around her, sliding the glass door open as
she did.  

"Hey you," I said softly. She looked up at me, startled, but then
smiled. Not the sort of wide, bright smile that so filled my heart that
I thought I would burst, but a tired, content one. 

"Hey yourself." She started to towel herself off, not unsettled by my
presence. Dried, she climbed onto the scales, waiting for it to settle
and giving the number a cursory glance before stepping down again,
grabbing a smaller towel and rubbing half-heartedly at her wet hair.
Towel around her, she pushed past me out into the bedroom. 

I didn't follow, only turned where I was, content still to just watch.
Underwear, then a sleeveless brown cotton undershirt, and a creamy
loose, short-sleeved shirt and brown pinstripe pants. No sitting around
in pajamas, even though some days she was only at home with Erin. Maybe
if she did she wouldn't feel such a need to keep moving. Maybe that was
why she dressed that way. 

She pulled her hairbrush through still-wet hair then left it, attacking
her eyebrows with tweezers, then smoothing moisturiser over her face
and hands. After that she moved to the bed, grabbing the pillows and
tossing them aside to pull the sheet and covers up on one side. I went
to the other side, pulling it up, helping her straighten and tuck,
putting the pillows in place. Bed remade, she headed for a pile of
dirty clothes at the foot of the bed. Before she could bend to pick
them up I stepped in her way. "I'll do that. You go have some
breakfast." 

"I can pick up laundry, Mulder." But she wasn't mad, just amused,
rolling her eyes. 

"I know you can," I agreed diplomatically. "And so can I. Besides," I
added, "it's mother's day. We're all supposed to be spoiling you." 

"Mother's day," she repeated, smiling skeptically. I didn't have the
best track record of celebrating special occasions. But this day seemed
particularly appropriate, with this baby due in less than two weeks.
Motherhood was definitely an issue. 

I moved around to join her at the other side of the bed, hooking an arm
around her neck from behind, hugging her across her shoulders, and my
other hand sliding across her belly, under the soft fabric of her
undershirt. I felt a sigh ripple through her as she relaxed under my
touch, leaning a little back against me. I sniffed her hair, relaxing
myself at the calm intimacy of the contact. She put her hands over
mine, clasping around my wrist, her thumb caressing only briefly before
pulling away. She flashed me that smile again, indicating the laundry,
and left the room. 
  

I picked up the laundry, tossing it in the near-full basket. I'd get
one of the kids help me do a load later. Easy enough. We should all be
pulling our own weight, anyway. 
She was in the kitchen when I went out, mopping up after something Erin
had spilled. The kids were standing behind her, waiting with hands
behind their backs, grinning. I wondered if they'd had time to finish
the card before Scully appeared. I'd unintentionally bought them some
time with our little episode in the bedroom.  

I stood back against the wall, arms folded as, again, I watched. She
turned around, pulling back a little when she discovered them. Astrid
nudged Josh with a giggle and they produced from behind their backs
each a wrapped package. I couldn't see Scully's face and I moved
closer. Erin reached up to me and I swung her up, standing next to
Josh, loving Scully's pleased smile as she first took the gift from
Astrid, turning it over, opening the card.  

I'd gone halves with Astrid on a summer bathrobe she'd seen in the
window of a lingerie shop. Made of silky, sheer fabric, it was hardly a
functional item, but Astrid had insisted Scully would love it, telling
me knowingly that it would make Scully feel 'special and beautiful'. 

It seemed Astrid was right. Scully loved the bathrobe. The gift that
really stunned her, though, was Josh's. I couldn't see it properly
until Scully wordlessly passed it to me, and then I could certainly
understand her emotion. It was a simple silver photo frame with a
picture of our family inside. But the picture wasn't a photograph, but
a drawing, with such delicate lines, such gentle, even shading. It was
flawless. And it was us. He must have drawn from a photo - several had
been taken that day at Margaret's. This was the first taken of us,
maybe - we were sitting, undisturbed, unaware. In the sketch were all
five of us; Scully and I sitting side by side on a couch on the back
porch, my arm around her, with Erin asleep on my lap, half falling off,
Astrid on my left kissing Erin's cheek as her head lolled, and Josh on
Scully's other side, her arm around him, pulling him close, while her
other hand rested on her rounded belly. She, Josh and I were smiling.
Josh had just told us a funny joke, I remembered. Something about
Einstein. 

"That's incredible, Josh," Scully whispered, bending to hug him. She
stood again, brushing her eyes dry with a sheepish smile. Tears came
easily enough for her these days. And Josh's gift... Yeah, I understood
the emotion. 

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- SCULLY POV - 

Mulder had taken the kids out for the afternoon. Though I felt guilty
for spending so little time with the kids, I'd jumped at the
opportunity to have the apartment to myself for a couple of hours.  
I'd turned the thermostat down even more and fell asleep stretched out
on the couch. When I woke I could almost see my breath, it had gotten
so chilly. I pulled myself up, breathing in the crisp air. The kitchen
tiles were cold under my bare feet and I shivered. Time to turn the
airconditioning down. 

I settled by the window, watching cars and people out in the street,
waiting for Mulder and the kids to return home. Through the trees I
could see kids playing in the park down the road, hear their yells. It
was bright and dusty out there, but a beautiful summer day. Two girls
in shorts were riding their bikes down the street, and their giggles
floated up to me. I watched, a little wistful. Maybe I should have gone
out with Mulder and the kids. They'd gone to watch a ballgame. Sitting
in the bleachers, among the cheering crowd... It could have been fun.  

I shrugged, standing again, wandering around the apartment picking up
and wiping things clean, straightening, watering the potted plants,
eternal impatience driving me on. Keeping busy kept me sane, helped me
expend all the nervous energy flowing through my veins. 

I went to the window again. They'd just driven up. I watched as Mulder
and the kids piled out. They were all in t-shirts and shorts. They'd
freeze in the apartment. 
Mulder opened the back door and unbuckled Erin, lifting her out. Her
arms around her neck, she reached to steal his sunglasses, putting them
on herself, grinning and giggling. Squinting but smiling, he shielded
his eyes against the brightness. Josh and Astrid joined in, joking
around, laughing, trying to wrestle the sunglasses off Erin. 

I moved away from the window again, restless, again wishing that I'd
gone with them, though I knew I'd made the sensible decision in staying
home. 
The front door opened and they burst through. Astrid and Josh seemed
full enough of crazy energy to match Erin and the three of them were
soon chasing each other around the living room. Mulder told them to
stop but they didn't take him seriously. I didn't mind. It felt good to
have them so alive around me. I felt more a part of it, now. 
He'd managed to win back his sunglasses. I smiled, watching as he
pulled them off, rubbing his arms to warm himself up. "Look at this
place. We've got icicles hanging from the ceiling." 

I smiled guiltily. I'd adjusted the temperature, but obviously not
enough. I took the sunglasses from his hands and carefully put them
back on him, touching his ruffled hair. I loved the unkempt, weekend
look. He was so boyish, grinning and athletic. 

I raised an eyebrow, feeling a grainy texture under my fingertips.
"You've got sand in your hair, Mulder." 

He nodded sheepishly. "We stopped at the playground. I was helping Erin
search for treasure." 

I smiled widely, loving how relaxed he was. "Did you find any?" 

"No. But we're going back tomorrow with a bulldozer and full excavation
team." He grinned, sliding his arms around me. "You get some rest while
we were gone?" 

"Yeah, I had a nap." 

"You think we could turn the aircon down, now? Just a little?" 

I caught his cheek and kissed him gently, calmer in his presence.
Drawing away, I smiled, then nodded in agreement. "Just a little." 
  

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- JACQUELINE POV - 

My last appointment finished at four, but I knew he had a procedure
scheduled from five-thirty to six. Maybe that was why I hung around. I
didn't really know. I was trying not to search too deeply for my
reasons; I always came up empty anyway.  
There was nobody in the lab so I stuck to paperwork in my office. I had
a whole load to catch up on, anyway, now that I'd been spending less
time in the office after hours. As traumatic it had been with Grae in
my apartment, I'd been more than keeping up with things at work. 

Things were quiet. The hum of computers and equipment in the labs, the
fridge in the kitchen. It was still. Another reason why I'd chosen to
stay late, maybe. I liked the quiet, the time to myself in my office
with its icy blue walls, large desk and comfortable chair, potted
plants and framed photos on the walls, a sketch by Josh from years ago.
I had a couple of photos of Dana and Fox and the kids, of me with new
mothers. There were none with Grae in them. Only recently I'd added one
of Ebony, Noah and I. Looking at it still gave me uncertain chills
sometimes, my situation panicking me for a passing second. But then I
relaxed, felt that peace return. I was dealing with things. For
possibly the first time ever, my life was on track. At least I thought
it was. Ninety-nine percent sure.  

Our receptionist had left at three so Aaron and I were left to handle
patients ourselves with whatever nurses and other staff we required. I
could hear him as he showed his patient out, then conversation between
he and Heather as they discussed the procedure. Their voices faded away
and I went back to my typing. After a few seconds I gave up, though,
and loaded a game of Solitaire to pass the time.  

They returned. I knew Aaron would have some notes to type up before he
called it a day but I kept an ear on their conversation, not wanting
him to leave without me getting a chance to see him.  

She left. I heard him humming to himself as he returned to his office,
drawers clanging as he went through his filing cabinet. I closed
Solitaire and shut down my computer for the night, slipped my shoes
back on and grabbed my jacket and bag, glancing in a wall mirror and
fixing my hair one-handedly on the way out of my office.  

I was always casual when I dealt with Aaron. No use investing any
emotion, when I wasn't sure. I treated him in the same relaxed but
clinical way I did my patients. I didn't want him to think I was
inhuman. I knew that he was attracted to me and I didn't want him to
like me any less. I just wasn't sure if I could deal with his
attentions. 

His door was closed. I turned the knob, pushing the door open. "Hi." I
smiled, but not too brightly. I didn't want to send the wrong message. 

"Jacqui! I thought you'd left already." 

"Catching up on some paperwork." I pulled a face. "How'd your procedure
go? What wa-" 

"Fine." He always seemed impatient when I tried to talk shop. Maybe he
realised I wanted to stay on the safer ground. I didn't want things to
get more personal, not yet. I was still getting it straight in my mind.
"You want to go for a drink or something?" 

I shook my head slightly. "No. Thanks. I've got to get home to the
kids."  

My heart was starting to flutter. What was I doing? I didn't even know
how I felt about him. Trying to decipher my feelings just confused me. 

He gazed at me and I had a sudden urge to kiss him. Not overwhelming or
irresistible, just a dull desire somewhere in my heart. Not the first.
Seeing him with the nurses or even with a happily married patient I
sometimes felt a possessive tug, an urge to touch his shoulder, to kiss
him, to stand beside him and let him draw me against him like a chick
under its mother's wing. I didn't follow through, of course. I just
wondered. I didn't know what it meant, whether it was attraction to the
man or simply a desire for affection. I knew how badly I wanted simply
to be loved.  

"Can I ask you something, Jacqueline?" 

I nodded, a little afraid of what was coming. 

He pulled his glasses off, playing with them. It was one of his habits,
I'd noticed.  

"I'm getting some mixed messages from you and I can't help but wonder.
These things are always awkward but I thought we should talk..." 

I waited. He put his glasses back on again, gazing at me. He was calm.
He was always calm. I needed somebody like that, somebody who could
keep me grounded. 

He cleared his throat, but kept his eyes on me. "You know that I like
you, Jacqui. I haven't tried to hide it from you, although it obviously
would have been inappropriate in the past, especially during your
marriage, to act on it. But now... I'm sensing a change in you, a
desire to go on with your life. With that in mind, I'm taking the
plunge and asking you out. I want to get to know you more. I'm just not
sure how I'm supposed to tell between polite excuses to get yourself
out of an awkward situation and genuine reasons. Basically -" He
cleared his throat again - "I'm assuming that with your two kids your
reasons are legitimate and that you are interested, and I'll keep
asking you. But if you're not interested... Well, it would make things
easier if you just said so." 

That hadn't quite been what I'd expected. I stared down at my shoes,
trying to put all the crazy thoughts and actions of my life into a
single sentence.  
"I'm confused," I said finally, and I couldn't say any more. 

He was frowning. "You've been burnt badly. I don't know the details but
I've seen you struggling. If you're not ready -" 

I grasped his words. Exactly. "I'm not ready." 

"I understand." 

I drew a breath, a little irritated by his diplomacy. I didn't want to
be treated gently. "Okay. Thanks." I tensed a little, then made myself
relax. There was no reason that sensitivity in a man should be a turn
off. And yet, Aaron was always so helpful, so kind, so gentle...
Something was lacking. Liveliness. Passion. Grae had always been so
passionate... 

I shook myself, annoyed that I'd let him into my mind. Aaron was
reserved and diplomatic only because he didn't know where to tread. How
would I discover his passion unless I let him get close to me? 

I relaxed tremendously at the thought. Easy enough. I would give this
relationship a chance. As long as I didn't get in too deep, too
emotionally invested, I could always call it quits. 

"Keep asking," I told him quietly, and I felt good about it. I even
smiled as I wished him goodnight, and kept smiling as I closed the door
after me and let myself out of the building. I just had to be careful
not to get in too deep. As long as I was careful, there was always a
way out again. 
  

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- MULDER POV - 

She was still going. Another day of frenetic activity. Clearing the
dinner table, she was engaged in a battle of wills with Erin, who was
refusing to eat all her vegetables. Scully didn't give up. She wouldn't
let Erin leave the dinner table until she was finished. Some nights it
became a war. 

"There's only one more mouthful of peas, Erin. Eat them and you can go
play." 

"No! No peas!" 

"I'm not going to tell you again. You're not leaving the table til
you're finished. You understand me? I'm serious." 

"Nooooo!" 

"Then you can stay there all night." 

"But-!! Cookies! Me for cookies!" 

"No. You know the rules. You don't get cookies til dinner is finished."

"But me *want* cookies! Monkey want cookies!!" 

"Eat your dinner and you can have a cookie." 

"No dinner! Cookie!" Erin jumped up on her chair and started jumping,
singing "Cookie! Cookie! Cookie!" over and over. When Scully simply
turned her back and started piling dishes in the sink, Erin slid down
onto her backside and then lowered herself to the floor, running to tug
at Scully's shirt. "Mommy! Cookies!" 

"Go back to the table, Erin." 

"But -" 

"Now." 

Erin knew she was getting in trouble and backed off, dropping to all
fours and crawling under the dinner table to return to her chair.
Pulling herself back up, she put on her poutiest expression, fists
bunched under her chin. "Monkey was sick... Monkey was deddy..." she
sang, looking up at Scully with puppy dog eyes. "We allllllllllll sad
that Monkey deddy... We all -" 

"Yes, we were all sad," Scully agreed shortly. We weren't sure how Erin
had come up with that little manipulative trick but we weren't putting
up with it. "But Monkey is all better now, and she can eat her peas." 

A sudden, angry shriek from Erin. "No! No better! Sick sick sick! Dead
dead dead!" 

I almost jumped up from where I was but Scully turned to face Erin. "If
Erin is sick," she said sharply, "then maybe Erin needs to go back in
the hospital and have more chemo and needles." 

That stopped Erin for a moment and she quietened, watching as Scully
turned back to the dishes. I felt I should do something - I should have
stepped in minutes ago - but Scully had gotten mad at me for doing so
several nights ago. She was determined that she could deal with this.  

Courage returning, Erin started to wriggle and giggle. Scully tried
staring her down, but Erin only gave her a silly grin and started
pounding her spoon on the plate, flattening the peas.  

Scully sighed, shook her head and gestured to me. "Mulder..." She'd had
enough for tonight. I was amazed she'd put up with it for that long.  

I nodded, moving forward and grabbing Erin's wrist, stopping her from
attacking her food. I sat beside her and bent my head down so that I
could look at her levelly. "Eat your dinner, Erin." 

She knew she was in trouble, not only from my expression and tone but
also by what I'd called her. Still, she wasn't going to give up. Just
as stubborn as her mother. She knew how to turn on the charm, too, when
she needed to manipulate. I think she inherited that from me. 
"Monkey don't wanna eat peas," she whined. "No peas. Please?" She
giggled, delighted. "Please no peas no please no peas no pease
please..." 

The act was cute but I didn't smile. "Eat them." 
  

It went on for another ten minutes. Finally, the cold peas were
shovelled into her mouth and she ran off. We knew she had only
surrendered in boredom and there was no great satisfaction in the
victory. We'd have the same battle tomorrow night, no doubt. 

"She's getting worse," Scully said quietly, stacking dishes in the
drying rack. She turned and stood with her back to the kitchen sink,
playing with the dishtowel as she gazed at me. "She's not so bad during
the day, as long as she's getting the attention, but when she doesn't
get what she wants... We've spoiled her rotten, Mulder. I don't know
where to even begin undoing the damage..." 

I didn't, either. We'd been trying harder lately, more serious in our
attempts to discipline, not dissuaded by Erin's grins and hugs. It was
easier to be tough, now that she was becoming so obstinant and
obnoxious. We were losing our patience. 

I rose, picking up Erin's plate and cutlery, taking them over to the
sink and putting them to the side for the moment. I eased the dishtowel
from Scully's hands and touched her shoulder. "You go sit down. You've
been on your feet all day." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

It was an invitation I was more than willing to accept. My feet and
back were aching, my ankles felt swollen. At least the apartment was
cool, thanks to the airconditioning and a breeze outside. 

I let myself down on the couch, feet up, letting every muscle slowly
relax as I sank down into the cushions. The episode with Erin had
drained the last ounce of whatever crazy hormonal energy that had been
driving me on. I needed to stop. 

Josh was sitting at the coffee table, playing chess against himself and
half-heartedly trailing a string for Mr Tom. I watched Josh, his
concentration on the game, and the kitten's sleek fur as he crouched
low, ears twitching and eyes watchful as he prepared to pounce. I
listened as Mulder finished the washing up. A repairman was coming
Tuesday morning to fix the dishwasher. I wondered if I could wait til
then. Even just my hands immersed in the hot water made me feel
flushed.  

He finished up. I dragged myself upright enough to reach for the TV
remote. He stepped in the way, grabbing the remote and passing it to
me, then sitting on the edge of the couch, reaching for my bare feet,
starting to rub them. I gave up on the TV and let myself lay back
again, relaxing, enjoying his touch. "Mmmmm... Thank you, Mulder." 

"You amaze me," he said softly. "You know that?" 

"The Amazing Dana Scully..." I murmured, eyes closed. "That's me." 

He chuckled, still rubbing. He always knew exactly where and how. I
loved him so much for it. 

"Tell me... What exactly is it about me that amazes you so greatly?" I
asked, tired. "The way I'm defeated by a two year old or my need to use
the bathroom every ten minutes?" 

Another chuckle. "Both." He let go of my feet and I felt the couch
spring up again as he moved off it, kneeling on the floor beside me.
"I'm serious, though. I admire how you keep on moving. I know it can't
be easy. Erin's a handful." 

I smiled at the understatement. "Yeah." She kept me busy every second
of the day. Dealing with her could drive me up the wall, but it was
also wonderful to spend time with her. She was so beautiful, so
innocent, so curious, fascinated by everything around her. Not since
she was born had I been able to spend so much time alone with her. I
treasured it. 

His hand was on my cheek. I opened my eyes sleepily to look at him and
he smiled. "I promise you, we'll look back at this and smile." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

I hated school. I hated Mondays. I hated not having things ready for
when they were due even though I spent every second of time I had on
them, and I hated drama rehersals that just went on and on and nobody
ever knew their lines or what was going on two weeks before we were
supposed to perform. I hated school because every time I went I
couldn't help thinking about Mr O'Brien and that just made me feel
dirty, like I'd done something wrong. I hated Mr O'Brien because he'd
scared me and made me have to shoot him, and I couldn't get that out of
my head. I hated everything and everybody.  

I didn't feel like working on my paintings so I just splashed some blue
bits on each of them and then put them aside to dry while I booted my
laptop up to check my e-mail. Daddy had just gotten home from work and
was telling Mommy about his day. He'd been investigating some case and
arrested a really tough-looking guy on a motorbike for assault. Mommy
just smiled and told him his day still sounded easier than hers had
been. She'd taken Erin grocery shopping with her and Erin had tossed a
bag of flour out of the shopping cart, getting it everywhere. Then when
Mommy had told her off for it, Erin had started shrieking at the top of
her lungs.  

Mommy was sitting on the couch and Daddy in the armchair as talked. I
wondered what had happened to make her stop being so busy. It was kinda
weird, because even though she'd been moving around all the time,
constantly doing something, she'd seemed calm. Now she looked tired and
unhappy, like something was worrying her. Maybe she was just tired out
from the weekend. Or maybe it was just the hormones. I'd heard Duckie
say that some pregnant women got really grouchy. Mommy had been all
moody, lately. I think she was just sick of being pregnant. It felt
like we'd been waiting for this baby *forever*. 

I wriggled around on my chair, feeling uncomfortable and irritated for
no reason, as if some of Mommy's mood had rubbed off on me. I didn't
want to be inside the apartment. I wanted to be outside so that I could
run and yell as loudly as I wanted and nobody would care. 

I jumped up. "Can I go outside?" 

Mommy looked across to me. "Where outside?" 

"Just outside. I'll take Erin for a walk." Erin loved to go for walks.
She was like a dog - she'd stop and examine everything in her path. 

Mommy frowned. "It'll be getting dark soon." 

"We won't go far. Just a bit along the street." 

"Take Josh with you." 

"He's busy." He was working on a story for school. He would come along
if I asked him but I knew he'd like it better if I just let him keep
working. "I can look after Erin by myself, anyway. I thought you'd be
glad for me to get her out of your way..." 

Mommy smiled a little, then nodded. "Just don't be long." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

It was so much quieter with them gone from the apartment. Josh in his
bedroom was as invisible as ever and the kitten, though never much more
than a distraction in the background, had snuck off somewhere to sleep.
Mulder and I sat in silence for a few moments, unaccustomed to the
peacefulness. Especially for me, having dealt with Erin's giggles and
squeals and whining all day, the silence seemed too good to be true. 

Mulder broke the silence. "You look tired." 

I nodded, stifling a yawn. "Erin kept me on my toes all day." I smiled
in amusement as I thought of the flour-coated floor at the supermarket
and the horrified embarrassment I'd felt at the time. 

"If you need a break you can always call Kathy in for a day, even an
afternoon..." 

I shook my head. As exhausting as it was, I didn't want to give up this
full-on motherhood experience. I hadn't realised before what I was
missing out on. So much went on in Erin's life - every hour of every
day was filled with adventure and emotion and learning. I couldn't give
that up. I almost couldn't believe that I'd so easily missed the last
two years of it. 

I yawned again. "How's dinner going?" 

He glanced at his watch. "Ten more minutes. Ready for war?" 

I smiled. "Not likely. She's all yours, tonight." 

He stood and came over to stand behind me, putting his hands on my
shoulders and bending to kiss the top of my head as he started to
massage. I smiled again, reaching tiredly to clasp my hands over his. I
love you. 

Another kiss on the top of my head. I love you too.  

I closed my eyes, relaxing at his touch, feeling all the more
exhausted. Mulder had dipped his head and was kissing my neck and along
my collarbone. I didn't dissuade him but I didn't encourage him either.
I was too tired, and my mind had wandered elsewhere. He stopped and
just hugged around my shoulders, strong and warm. 

"What are you thinking about?"  

"Astrid, actually." Her behaviour puzzled me. Though she and Josh
seemed to have settled back in at school after the O'Brien incident,
there was an aggressive undercurrent to her behaviour that concerned
me. She was having more trouble controlling her temper, though when she
did explode they weren't the childish tantrums we'd experienced in the
past, but a more adult, scathing attitude. How much of that was because
of her actions that night, and how much simply her growing up? I wasn't
sure. It was more of a puzzle than a worry. She seemed stable enough.
She and Josh were still seeing the school counsellor and their grades
were fine, Josh in particular doing vastly better since being moved
away from the other students in the classroom. With all her assessments
due within weeks it was no surprise Astrid was stressed.  
  

The phone was ringing. I sighed, then released my grip on Mulder,
letting him go to answer it. But he returned, holding it out to me,
thumb covering the receiver. "It's Jacqueline." 

I took it, settling back on the couch. "Jacqui?" 

"Hi Dana. How're you doing? Still running on adrenalin?" 

I smiled, sleepy but at ease. I wasn't quite sure what had happened to
cause this transformation in Jacqueline but she was certainly easier to
deal with now. I could relax when I talked to her, not worry about what
new disaster in her life she was going to plead my help in. "Hardly.
I'm exhausted." 

"It was going to happen sooner or later. You must be happier with the
weather, at least. The breeze outside is just beautiful." 

"Yeah," I acknowledged. I yawned again and pulled myself up straighter,
trying to keep with it. I heard the door clatter as Astrid and Erin let
themselves back in and squeals as Erin flew at Mulder, demanding a hug.
"So, what's up? I thought you worked til eight on Mondays."  

"I've cut back on my hours. Spend more time with the kids, you know." 

Less than a month ago she hadn't wanted to deal with the very existence
of Noah and Ebony. Now she couldn't do enough for them. I wasn't sure
how she'd managed to explain Ebony's sudden appearance after spending
so long trying to hide her existence, but she had Ebony going to the
clinic with her most days, doing small jobs around the place like
photocopying or filing, and then getting home at night she'd spend
hours trying to teach the child, basic second and third grade math and
grammar, history, geography, science, art and music, the works. She was
making up for lost time with Noah, too. It had been months since she
had voluntarily even picked him up. It wasn't as though suddenly she
couldn't put him down, but things did seem better.  

"I was talking to Aaron today. He said you're looking at a breech
birth. Extended brief, he said." 

"Yeah."  

"Have you thought about ECV? If we can turn the baby it might be a
safer and easier delivery. I know Aaron isn't much of a fan of
caesareans but it's an option, so if your thoughts are heading in that
direction...?" 

"No. We're fine." I didn't elaborate. We were all aware of the
complications but there was no real need to be overly concerned. Missy
and Charlie had both been breech babies. Dad always used to joke about
them coming into the world feet first - said they'd just been too eager
to put their foot in it.  
I shrugged off the thoughts. "What's that playing in the background?" I
asked curiously, recognising the music. "Beethoven's ninth?" 

"Yeah. It's one of Noah's favourites." 

They often had music playing in the apartment. Ebony still wasn't
talking and it filled the silence.  

"How's Ebony? Have you started looking around for schools, yet?" 

"Not yet. I know I said I'd get her enrolled, but it's just still too
soon. She's still catching up on all the learning she's missed, and
emotionally... She cries a lot, Dana. I don't really know why. Almost
every night, I can hear her. I think that maybe it's nightmares." 

It wasn't unlikely. After everything the child had been through... 
"What do you do?" 

"I hold her. She doesn't struggle, but she doesn't really hold on to
me, either. She just balls up and cries. I can deal with it... I mean,
I *do* deal with it, but I wish I knew how to make it better." 

I didn't know what to say. There was no easy answer to that problem,
though I'd wished a thousand times for one, every time that Mulder had
woken gasping, every time that I had woken crying and confused, that
Josh or Astrid had climbed into our bed trembling and whispered that
they'd had a bad dream. 

"Just don't give up," I told her softly. "Do all you can do and just
don't give up." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

Tuesday. The weather had turned again. Hot and humid outside, even
though the sun had set over an hour ago. The apartment was still
stuffy. Scully had moved the fan out of our bedroom and set it up
barely a foot away from where she sat at the dinner table, hair pinned
up with a clip, sleeves rolled up, a thin sheen of sweat on her bare
arms and forehead as she worked intently on a pair of angel wings that
Astrid needed for drama. She had all the white goose feathers in a box
and when she lifted the lid to retrieve one the breeze from the fan
scattered the rest over the table. Sitting opposite her, I reached to
gather them up quickly, returning them to the box, weighting it closed.

Scully glanced up at me in brief thanks, then went back to the sewing.
She was tense again. 

I'd been filling her in on my day's work, chasing up a series of
reported incidents of mind control. I started to go on, but she
interrupted me impatiently. 

"They're hoaxes, Mulder. What else have you got?" 

Ouch. Okay... I hesitated, then went for it. "Ed Wright." 

She looked up at me sharply. "What about him?" 

"I've just been thinking, Scully... Aren't you fascinated by the whole
idea of jumping from one world to another? The fact that there's
hundreds, thousands, even millions of worlds out there, each one
spawned from our own, from simple decisions made every day, like what
colour socks to wear, or -" 

"Mulder..." 

"We were so close, Scully, but we never proved anything. Maybe we
could, though. Maybe-" 

"Mulder!" 

I stopped suddenly, realising I was in trouble. My mind had been
speeding along of its own will.  

"I don't want you meddling, Mulder." She spoke quietly but she was
angry. Getting emotional, too. I shouldn't have brought it up. She put
the wings down and put her head in her hands with a sigh. "It's
dangerous. If it's true, what you say, then you shouldn't go near it,
Mulder." 

I stood, moving around the table to put my hands on her shoulders,
gently rubbing, trying to calm her. It was a trick I used more and more
often; it usually worked. "If it's true -" I began. 

She pushed me away in an infuriated gesture, angry tears in her eyes as
she turned to face me. "If you get in trouble, I can't help you! That's
what it boils down to, Mulder. I can't chase after you and bring you
back from the edge!"" 

I sighed. I understood her fears. But she had to trust me to be
careful. 

I reached out to her again, and this time she let me draw her close,
her fingers gripping my sweater almost desperately. "I'll be careful,"
I promised softly, shushing her though she stood silent. "You just
worry about yourself and this baby." 

"I can't not worry about you, Mulder. And I can't not worry about the
kids. It doesn't work that way. I need to know that you're taking care
of yourself, that you're not taking any risks. But I know you are
taking risks, because you always have and you always will." 

"I'm sorry," I whispered, stroking her hair. I could feel her tears
soaking through my shirt. Her grip on me hadn't loosened. 

"I'm just so sick of waiting for this baby," she muttered. "I just want
this pregnancy over." 

"It will be, soon. You've just got to hang in a little longer. Soon-" 

"Not soon enough." 

I sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly. I knew that her exhaustion,
loss of mobility and aches everywhere were depressing her enough. Erin
was just another complication, and, determined as Scully was that she
could handle things herself, she didn't need to deal with that extra
load right then. Not much longer til this baby was born, but would that
even make things easier? Erin's first few months had disrupted our
household to no end. Our relationship had been strained, too, as if
having a child together had pushed us apart rather than bringing us
together. That, and lack of sleep, had had Scully in particular
depressed. What if that happened again? 

I tried to shrug the thoughts off. "I'll call Kathy and see if she'll
come in tomorrow. You take some time for yourself, okay?" 

A sigh. She drew back from me, wiping her eyes. "Yeah. Okay." She
sighed again, massaging her temples. "I'll be okay, Mulder, I will. I'm
just so tired at the moment. And so damn *hot*..." 

"Go have a cold shower. I'll move the fan back in our room, okay? You
need anything else?" 

She smiled tiredly. She was trying. "How about a caesarean?" 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

Astrid was sitting on our bed, hugging her knees, waiting for me as I
re-entered my bedroom. Despite my long, cold shower I still felt
terrible and completely unequipped to deal with whatever was on her
mind. 
I sighed, feeling heavy as a log. "What is it, sweetie?" 

"I need to talk to you," she muttered, digging her chin into her knees.

Awkwardly lowering myself down onto the bed, I readjusted the pillows
and sat back against the bedhead, briefly closing my eyes, exhausted
with the effort. "Can it wait?" 

She was trembling. "Did I do the wrong thing in shooting Mr O'Brien?" 

I sighed, barely able to keep my eyes open. "You did nothing wrong,
Astrid. You made the right call." 

"But I took a life..." 

"And if you hadn't taken his, he may very well have taken Josh's, maybe
Erin's too." Did Josh still think about that? I felt sure he did. What
did he think about it all?  

"But it's still wrong! I know it's justified, but it's still wrong." 

"Astrid, I promise you, you did the right thing."  

"The bible says that all I have to do is repent and my sins are
forgiven, that I can be a new person, but I still feel so bad about it.
It won't go away..." 

"It will never go away completely, Astrid. But it'll get easier to deal
with, like everything else." 

Mulder stood in the doorway, looking hesitant about entering and
interrupting a heart to heart. But I gestured for him to come in. This
conversation with Astrid had potential to go round in circles for the
next hour, and I wanted to get to an early night. I needed sleep. 

"Hey, kiddo." Mulder touched Astrid's hair. "You going to let Mom get
some sleep?" 

Astrid nodded, but didn't move, as if she were too weighed down with
her guilt. Mulder reached to his side and Astrid flinched. Tossing his
holstered weapon on the dresser, Mulder didn't notice it, but I did. I
reached out a hand to her and she crawled closer to me, shaken and
needy. She started to cry and only then did Mulder realise something
was up. Hushing Astrid, I looked over her head to him. "O'Brien," I
mouthed.  

He nodded, understanding in his eyes. Climbing onto the bed, he tugged
Astrid onto his own lap, rocking her as she cried as if she were four
years old again. Resettling myself against the pillows, I heaved a sigh
and reached tiredly to lay a hand on his back. Thank you.  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- JACQUELINE POV - 

Dana was looking better. Erin had been delighted to see Kathy again,
and Dana had been able to sit back and relax while Kathy dealt with the
antics and tantrums. I had come over to visit Dana, not realising that
Kathy would be there, and had to hide Ebony from sight as Dana thanked
Kathy for the help out and promised that between us we could manage
Erin for the rest of the afternoon.  

"Sorry," I said sheepishly, ushering Ebony in and letting Noah to the
floor. "I thought it would just be you and Erin." 

She smiled wanly. "Executive decision. I needed the break." 

"You feeling okay now?" 

She shrugged, watching as Erin eyed up the toy Noah had picked up.
"Still tired. You might want to-" 

Too late. Erin grabbed the plastic hammer from Noah and when he started
to cry she tried hitting him with it. 

"Erin!" Dana admonished. She started to rise from the sofa but I
stopped her.  

"I've got it." I lunged for Erin, untwisting her grip on the hammer,
and picked Noah up. It didn't feel so strange any more, comforting him.
I tried not to think too much about whose son he was. He was just a
baby, and he was clever and deserved to be loved. And I did love him,
because of who he was, if not for what he was. 

"Come over here, Erin." Dana beckoned. Erin hung back, giving her a
silly sheepish grin, and Dana called her again. "Erin! Now." 

Giggling, but knowing that she was in trouble, Erin obeyed, approaching
Dana. Dana patted the couch beside her, grabbing Erin's arm to help
pull her up and then holding her firmly. Erin tried to squirm her way
out again but Dana didn't let go. 
"You're going to sit next to me for the next while," she said sharply.
"Understand? You're going to sit here very still until I say you can
go." 

I watched, a little guilty. If I hadn't turned up, the nanny could
still be handling this and Dana wouldn't have to deal with the
stress..  

Awkward, I broke the silence. "I'm thinking about moving." 

"Moving? Why?" 

"I've been fighting with my landlord. I want to get a dog for Ebony but
it's no-pets-allowed. There's a blind woman on the ground floor and she
has a seeing eye dog. I thought maybe I could talk the landlord into
allowing us one as a sort of emotional aide for Ebony but he didn't buy
it. So I'm thinking of moving. Just considering it, for the moment.
I've looked around but I can't really find anything that looks good..."

"But you love your apartment." Dana gazed at me, curious. Erin in her
arms looked bored. She squirmed a little, then gave up again. 

I sighed. I didn't know. I wasn't letting myself make any huge
decisions for the moment. But... "Maybe it would be good to find a
different place. Get a fresh start with Noah and Ebony." 

Dana was shaking her head, smiling a little. "I can't believe how much
you've changed. You're so much more confident, less impulsive,
stronger..." She gazed at me. "You're really growing up." 

I gave her a tight smile. "Not all roses. Grae still freaks me out." 

"Have you heard from him?" 

"No. I got a copy of a flight manifest, though - he's gone back to
Australia. Apparently his dad's not well." I lowered my voice, not
wanting Ebony to hear, as I added awkwardly, "He's dying." 
It was strange. I'd only known Grae's father briefly, and yet I
couldn't help but feel sad. Like with Grae's siblings, his sister Susie
in particular, I still felt as though I were part of the family,
however uncomfortably.  

I shook myself, not wanting to think about it. "On a brighter note, I
had Aaron Harrison over for dinner. Nothing fancy... actually, it was
pretty disasterous. Noah had a stomach upset and cried and cried for
hours. Ebony was nervous, too, though Aaron always talks to her at
work. I guess he was the first man I'd brought home since -" I cut
myself off, kicking myself for getting back to Graham. "Anyway, once
Noah finally settled down and Ebony went to bed, Aaron and I actually
had a good time. It was weird, you know... I wasn't really sure what he
expected. But he kept his distance. We just talked, really. Had some
coffee. He didn't so much as sit beside me or try to hold my hand. I
almost wished that he would, but I was glad he didn't. I miss that sort
of affection but... I don't need that complication." 

Dana released Erin and silently nudged her. Erin, needing no further
encouragement, did a tumble on the couch and then ran from the room. 
"How do you stop things getting complicated?" Dana asked quietly,
gazing at me evenly. 

I knew what she meant. Though Aaron would be understanding and willing
to stick to my pace, how would I stop myself from wanting to move
faster? As soon as things went any further, as soon as we started to
get physically intimate, I was bound to get tangled up in all my past
emotions. What was the solution? Take a step back, not see him socially
at all? Not let him go any further, not let ourselves get intimate? Or
simply take the plunge and see if maybe I could handle it after all? 

A crash. It sounded like it had come from Dana and Fox's bedroom. Dana
sighed, gritted her teeth, and started to get up. But I held Noah out
to her instead. "You're supposed to be taking it easy. I'll go check
out the damage." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

She was sitting on the couch in pajamas, bent over the coffeetable,
fingers deftly sorting through the piles of puzzle pieces, searching
for the right shape, the matching colour. It was late. The kids had
gone to bed an hour ago, but after a nap earlier Scully still seemed to
have some energy to spare. I stood, watching her at the meticulous
task, loving how her hair shone in the lamplight, the expression of
concentration on her face. My beautiful Scully. 
I snuck up behind her, then reached an arm around either side,
embracing her from behind. She turned her head to look at me, smiled
curiously, then turned back to the puzzle. I reached a hand to touch
hers as she sorted through the pieces, my fingers lightly brushing
hers, gently caressing. She let out a quiet murmur, leaning back
against me, capturing my fingers in hers, her touch so sensual,
possessive but delicate. I freed my fingers and enveloped hers, our
fingers caught up in an exquisite dance. She turned to face me and she
kissed me with almost surprising intensity. She was warm and alive and
hungry, and I wanted nothing more than to make love to her... Only we
both knew that wasn't possible.  

I drew back from her, smiling ruefully. "Don't get me excited, huh?" 

A sheepish grin on her lips. "Sorry." She tugged my lips back to hers,
but gentler this time, light lingering kisses. I returned them, loving
the sweet simplicity of the moment, the peace between us.  
I pulled away again, and this time I reached under her, lifting her up
and swinging her over the couch, carrying her into our bedroom. "Sleep
time, beautiful." 

She smiled, tugging me onto the bed beside her. "You sleep too." 

I nodded, pulling back the covers for me and climbing in, knowing there
was little point in pulling the covers back for her. She might as well
sleep on top of them all. 

Laying on my side, I reached to touch her belly, smiling broadly as the
baby stirred. Scully smiled at me, sleepy, and I moved my hand to her
face, touching her cheek. "I love you." 

She gazed at me, that sleepy smile widening, as if she hadn't already
heard that a thousand times. "I love you too." She was half-asleep
already, heavy eyelids fluttering, almost out of it. I wondered if
she'd even remember this exchange in the morning. 

"G'night, Mulder," she mumbled. 

I smiled. "'Night, beautiful." 

- - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   xx - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

Urgh. It was too early to be awake. I closed my eyes, willing myself
back to sleep. But I could hear Mulder moving around in our darkened
bedroom, and Erin out in the living room singing along to some jingle
on the TV.  
I shifted, too warm in the bed, but only opened my eyes when I felt a
kiss on my cheek. Mulder stood over me in jogging gear. "Going out for
a run," he whispered. "Be back soon." He smiled, reaching to touch my
bared belly. I couldn't stand sleeping under covers any more. "Hey,
look at that. Is that an elbow or a foot I can see?" He grinned, then
ducked to kiss the protruding feature. Backing up, he gave me a little,
childish wave. I gestured sleepily for him to just go, wanting to
return to sleep before it eluded me completely. 

The bedroom door closed after him and I settled back down with a sigh,
letting my eyes fall close and my mind loosen its grip on reality. And
I slept. 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

"Mommy?" I felt bad about waking her, but - "Mommy?" 

"What is it, Astrid?" She didn't even open her eyes. 

"I don't feel well." 

She groaned, opening her eyes and making herself sit up. She beckoned
me closer and I climbed onto the bed. She put her hand on my forehead,
then felt my pulse and my glands, then made me say 'Ahh' so she could
look down my throat. 
"You're fine," she said, sounding impatient. She yawned. "You're going
to school." 

"I don't want to."  

"You're going." 

"If Josh said that he didn't want to, you'd let him stay home..." 

"Astrid -" She was getting mad. It wasn't like I was trying to make her
cry or anything, but it wasn't fair. I didn't feel like going to
school. I just wanted to stay home with Mommy and Erin. 

"I can stay home and help you with Erin. I can look after her for you
when she gets naughty and -" 

"I thought you had a drama rehersal for most of the afternoon, anyway."

"I do. Doesn't matter if I miss it. We never get anything done anyway,
cos everybody else is just so stupid. They spend all their time reading
magazines and talking about boys or stupid TV shows..." It wasn't just
that they were all a couple of years older than me. I was used to that.
But they were all interested in stupid shallow things even though most
of them were really smart. I didn't want to be a part of that. It was
too frustrating being around them. 

"Your production is on in two weeks. You have to be there, Astrid. Josh
will be there, right? You two can keep each other company." 

Josh was part of the backstage crew. He was in charge of microphones.
All the girls in the play and on the backstage crew were always saying
how cute he was, cos he was only seven and looked even younger because
he was small for his age, but he took everything so seriously. He
always knew what was going on backstage and he was the only one who
didn't panic when things went wrong during rehersals. Not that much
did, with him there. Somehow he'd almost ended up in charge of
everything. I think he was glad that I was there, though. I couldn't
leave him there by himself... 

"Fine," I agreed, but I still wished I didn't have to go. I looked at
the empty bed beside Mommy. There was nobody in their bathroom, either.
"Where's Daddy?" 

"He went out for a jog earlier." Mommy sounded sleepy again. She
settled down again, rearranging pillows around her, trying to get
comfortable. I shivered. It was cold in their bedroom. 

I looked at my watch. "It's almost eight. Shouldn't he be back by now?"

Eyes closed, Mommy looked asleep. She shrugged. She couldn't be
bothered dealing with whatever Daddy was off getting himself into,
maybe. "You'd better go get ready for school. And give Erin some
breakfast, if you can... Are you and Josh okay to walk to the bus stop
by yourselves?" 

"I guess." I was disappointed. Mommy and Erin usually walked us there,
and picked us up in the afternoons. "Don't forget to pick me and Josh
up after rehersal. We're in the auditorium... We're s'posed to finish
at five-thirty." 

"Five-thirty," Mommy echoed, her lips barely moving.  

I'd better write that down for her somewhere, I thought. Mommy seemed
more and more out of it lately, like her mind was going all fuzzy. I
think she used up all her concentration during the day, trying to deal
with Erin, and when she finally let herself relax she got kinda dopey.
Daddy liked to tease her because she got muddled easier than normal,
and she'd get confused trying to explain things. He'd smile and she'd
just shake her head and whine "Mulder..." Then she'd smile and let him
give her a big hug.  

I bent over her to kiss her cheek, then I gave the baby a kiss through
her tummy. "Don't cause Mommy too much trouble," I whispered to her.
I'd tell Erin the same thing before we left the house.  

"Love you, Mommy. See you later." 

But she was already asleep, this time for real. I snuck out, closing
the door after me, and sighed. If she had too much trouble dealing with
Erin today, then maybe at least I had a chance of getting tomorrow
off... 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

I was three blocks from home when a car horn sounded. I was on the
footpath, out of the way, so I didn't pay any attention, til the driver
honked again and then again, sounding persistent. Then I heard my name
yelled, "Mr Mulder!" 

I slowed and stopped, jogging on the spot as I turned. The car was a
beat up Cadillac, with Virginia plates. I didn't recognise it.  
The driver leaned over to open the passenger side door and I saw who it
was. 

"Edward Wright..." 

The big man smiled widely. "Climb in." 

I hesitated, still catching my breath. "I thought you were-" 

"Institutionalised? They let me out yesterday. Come on. I need to talk
to you." 

He saw my hesitation. This man had kept Scully hostage, had me on the
sharp edge of panic for over an hour, almost sick with dread that he
would harm her, harm our unborn child. And yet, I understood the
desperation that had led to his actions.  

"I know you know I'm not crazy, Mr Mulder. And I'm sorry for what I did
to your wife. I know that was stupid and dangerous and I should never
have done it, but I never meant to harm her, I swear. It was just
sending me crazy, being in there. I had to get out -" 

"And you did. How did you get out? After what you did?" Though both
Scully and I had written favourable reports about the incident and not
filed criminal charges against Ed, his psychiatrist and the rest of the
staff were fully aware of what had happened only a matter of months
ago. 

"I've been behaving myself, I guess. They had me pretty drugged for the
first couple of weeks, then finally I got enough brains together to
plead for my sanity. Struck a deal with my shrink, Goldstein, that they
lay off the drugs if I acted rationally. It was hard. I felt cruddy,
withdrawal and all that, but I just kept telling myself that if I lost
it I'd never get out. So I kept calm, didn't say anything more about
Sandy. Goldstein still believes me but he's keeping that quiet from the
others... doesn't want people thinking he's gone crazy, too. He helped
get me out. They needed a bed and were looking to toss one of us out,
anyway. Goldstein made sure it was me. Thank God for hospital budget
cuts, eh?" 

I leaned on the frame of the open door. "So you're out. What are you
doing now?" 

"That's why I need your help. I think I've worked out how to get home.
Can we go to your office or somewhere so I can explain?" 

I stared at him, then shrugged, climbing into the car. I was fascinated
by this phenomena, I couldn't deny it. "Yeah. Let's go." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

The day began when Erin managed to slam the lid of her toybox closed on
her fingers. I heard her screams over the hissing of the shower -
screams of real pain, not just whining for attention - and I cut the
water, pulled on the robe Astrid had given me, and ran out to see what
she'd done this time. 

I picked her up awkwardly, holding her against me as she sobbed,
sucking on her sore fingers. I eased them from her mouth to have a
look. Not too bad, though they would swell and bruise a little. I let
her jam them back in her mouth and I just held her, rocking back and
forth. It was easier to deal with pain than it was with tantrums. This
was automatic, soothing for me as well as her.  

I tried to let her down but she wouldn't let go. When I finally prised
her off me her clothes were damp, from her tears as well as being
against my wet body. Her hair hadn't been brushed for the day and with
her tear-streaked face she was a mess. Still, it was infinitely
preferable to the angry pouting look I'd inevitably have to deal with
today.  

She followed me into the bathroom, watching as I dried and dressed
myself, brushing my hair and tying it back wet.  
"Mommy..." she whined. She got quiet and clingy after something like
this, as if reminded of her time in the hospital, dying. I lifted her
up again and she held on tightly, tiny fingers digging in as she
whimpered. 

"You're okay, aren't you sweetie? Huh?" I soothed, hand on her back and
another on her head, stroking her hair, loving my little girl so much. 

Knowing I wouldn't be able to hold her long, I settled us down on the
couch. She perked up again quickly enough, crawling off my lap and
heading for her trucks on the floor. Five minutes later the tears were
long forgotten. Ten minutes later we were in an argument over her
throwing her toys.  

The morning was like most other. Erin was one moment grinning and
giggling and angelic, the next naughty or pouty, wanting something she
couldn't have, annoyed when I told her I couldn't play. She ate half
her lunch, running crazily around the apartment with half a sandwich in
her hand, but then threw a tantrum when I wouldn't let her have ice
cream.  

I left her on her back on the living room floor, kicking and screaming,
tears and snot streaming down her face, and went into my room, pacing a
little to try and relax myself. Dealing with Erin's tantrums was always
trying. Was she this bad with Kathy?  

I picked up the phone from by our bed and dialled Mulder's cellphone,
just wanting the reassurance of his voice. He answered on the second
ring. "Mulder." 

"Yeah, it's me." 

"Hey Scully. What's up? Erin treating you okay?" 

I didn't bother to answer his question, but fired some of my own at
him. "Where are you? Are you at work? You didn't come home after your
jog..." 

"Yeah, I got called into the office... I'm actually in a meeting at the
moment, so -" 

"I was actually ringing to see if you could pick up some Thai food for
dinner... and some strawberries, too." I knew the request wouldn't
sound strange to Mulder. He was used to my cravings by now. 

"Yeah, I got it. I'll see you tonight." The phone clicked and he was
gone. 

I returned the cordless phone to the unit, feeling dissatisfied. Mulder
was abrupt on the phone if he was in a hurry - we both could be. We'd
whittled communication down to almost cryptic essentials. But generally
he took at least a minute or two to listen to me, and I worried what
case was important enough for that sort of impatience, that he'd been
called to the office so early in the morning.  

I sighed. Erin was due for an afternoon nap in twenty minutes but I
needed just a few seconds to rest myself. I let myself down on the bed
and stretched out awkwardly. The soft comforter under me only made me
feel more exhausted and I exhaled slowly, letting my eyes closed and my
body relax. The fan by the bed had been going all morning and the room
was comfortably cool. 

"Mommy?" 

Déjà vu, I thought. I opened an eye lazily and glanced across at Erin
in the doorway. She'd given up on the tantrum without an audience, and
apparently forgotten it. "Yeah, sweetie?" 

"Mommy sleepy 'gain?" 

"Yeah, Mommy's tired. Is Erin tired? Almost ready for her nap?" 

"Almowst," Erin agreed. She produced a picture book. "Story first?" 

Yawning, I nodded, and she climbed up on the bed. I propped myself up
on more pillows and beckoned her closer, and she wriggled up to right
beside me, pushing the book at me. "Read." 

"What do we say?" 

"Read please." 

"Good girl." Yawning again, I opened the story book. Grandpa's Hat. I
already knew the story almost by heart, as Erin did, and I was
half-asleep by the fourth page. I think I could have finished quoting
in my sleep, except Erin stopped me. 

"Shoosh now," she whispered, taking the book from me and closing it.
"Time for sleep." She gently put the book aside, then, standing on the
bed, bent over me to kiss my lips. "Night night, Mommy." 

She started to back up but I caught her arm. "Hey, back here," I
mumbled sleepily. "Your nap time too. You want to sleep in here with
me? That sound good?" 

"Not sleepy," Erin yawned the words and I smiled, tugging her closer.  

"Sure you are. You and me can have a nice little sleep together. I
think that sounds like a good idea. Come on."  

She didn't protest any further, thank God. She could have easily thrown
a tantrum or simply run off, shrieking. But she seemed to appreciate my
need for peace, and she let me draw her close.  

"Sleep now," she muttered obediently, climbing under the covers. I
smiled, exhausted, knowing to appreciate it while it lasted. 

"Yeah, sweetie. Sleep now." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

"Bud Light. Wait, no... hell, I'll have bourbon. Same for you?" 

I shook my head dismissively, watching as the barmaid filled the
glasses. How many hours had I spent my life in a bar, watching women
young and old in tight clothes pulling beers and God knew what else was
in all those bottles lining the walls? Why was I here, now? This wasn't
my scene any more. I should be at home with Scully and the kids, not
sitting in a seedy, smoke-filled bar. 

"Let's get this show on the road," I muttered. I unzipped the bag of
tricks that Ed and I had collected from the bureau, tipping the
contents out on a greasy tabletop. 

I waved my arm through the air, expecting to feel some sort of
distortion, a ripple, anything, but there was just stale smoke. That
was all there had been three months ago, and circumstances had
discouraged me from looking any further. But now Ed's urgency had
revived my curiosity. I wanted to explore this, to understand this
impossibility. 

Ed and I worked silently, positioning the small lasers in two sets of
parallel lines, even distances apart. We'd gained quite a crowd, I
discovered as I stepped back, grabbing the remote control. I glanced
around at our audience, most of them curious but suspicious also,
hanging back. I motioned for Ed to move away from the lasers, then
flicked the switch on the remote control. Red beams of light shot out,
forming a grid. That wasn't what had caused the gasp from our audience,
though. 

Breath held, I took a step forward, amazed. The grid, the beams, seemed
to bend, to ripple like a two dimensional model struggling to lift
itself off the page and come to life. The ripple wavered, growing and
retreating like a fiery blaze, as if some forces were surging, pulling
and pushing at the tear.  

Oh.... If only Scully were here to see this... 

I searched blindly behind me and unscrewed the lid of a small tub of
glowing powder. Getting a handful, I took another step closer and
tossed it gently toward the ripple. It fell like snow, settling
seemingly mid-air, a light coating beneath which the air undulated like
water for a few brief seconds. Then the powder vanished, as if the tear
had swallowed it. Only a little of what I had thrown landed on the
floor. 

"What the hell is that?" I heard somebody mutter from behind us. I
reached in my jacket pocket for my badge and turned reluctantly from
the sight to hold my ID aloft. 

"I'm a federal agent and I need everybody out of the bar." 

There were mutters of dissent. They were all still gazing at the tear,
as if mesmerised by it, unable to believe their own eyes. 

"He's not asking, he's telling you," Ed said, loudly. Shoulders
squared, he looked and sounded like a cop, or at least until he looked
at me, a childish grin breaking out. He looked like a kid on Christmas
morning. It wasn't just the fascination of this revelation, the proof
of the phenomenon. This was his chance to get home. 
  

I glanced at my watch suddenly. It was almost six. I had to call
Scully, let her know I'd be late. Would I tell her about this? I
thought about how she'd responded when I'd brought Ed Wright up the
other day. She'd kill me if she knew what I was doing now. I couldn't
tell her. No way. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. 

I dialled home, waiting as it rung, but the machine picked up. I
winced, hating the thought of lying to her but not prepared to tell the
truth. What she doesn't know won't hurt her... 
"Yeah, it's me. I'm still working on this case and I'll be late
tonight. Sorry about the Thai... I'll be home later, okay? Don't wait
up." 

I hung up, chewing on my lower lip, still feeling guilty. But before I
could pocket my phone it was plucked from my hands. 

"Look at this!" Ed tossed the cellphone toward the ripple. It sailed
through the air, seeming to just catch in the laser beams and hang for
a second before it simply vanished. Shit. *Shit*.  

"That was my phone!" 

"Yeah, well when you figure out how we get through I'll send it back to
you." Ed was grinning, exhilarated. "Look at this!" he exulted,
grabbing anything he could get his hands on, coasters, napkin
dispensers, mugs. One by one they were tossed at the tear and vanished.
"It's amazing."  

"It's beyond amazing," I muttered. I reached out cautiously toward the
ripple, breath held as I waited, wondering what would happen. Would my
fingers be vaporised? Would they vanish into another dimension? Would I
be sucked through entirely? Only an inch from the ripple, I stretched
just a little further, and - 
  

Nothing. Just like before, just like three months ago. I felt no
resistance, no great power enveloping my, sucking me into oblivion, not
so much as a prickling or a shiver. My hand, all fingers right to the
tips, was still there, right through the ripple, where my cellphone and
who knew what else had vanished into thin air.  

"Already tried it. Doesn't work." Ed clapped me on the shoulder. He
pushed me aside, holding up a folded napkin, and he then proceeded to
feed it through the ripple, as if into an invisible mail slot. It was
all there, then somehow just half of it, then just a quarter, and then
none. 

I stared at him. "What was that?" 

"A letter. If there's somebody on the other side... Imagine if we could
communicate! Imagine that. If somebody on the other side knows how to
get through, if there's something about that side that somehow -" 

I didn't like his chances. Everything that he was throwing through was
ending up in an antique shop next door to the bar in Ed's dimension. It
was going on six thirty - they'd surely be shut up for the night. There
had to be a better plan than simply waiting til morning in the hope
that somebody discovered the note. 
"You got through. How did you get through?" 

"I don't know! I got drunk and passed out. I didn't even know anything
was wrong until I got home and everything was wrong and the cops got
called and the shit hit the fan..." 

"You passed out? How long were you unconscious for?" 

"I don't know!" he yelled at me, frustrated. "Maybe minutes, maybe half
an hour! I don't remember. I remember being woken and pushed in a cab,
and then when I got home... I was pretty smashed." 

"Inanimate objects get through, right? What if somehow you were pushed
or you fell through while you were passed out? What if consciousness is
what prevents something from being able to pass through the tear?" 

"So you're saying all I've got to do is drink myself stupid and I'm
home free? Serious? Man, what a sweet deal." 

I smiled at his enthusiasm, though I wasn't sure if my theory would
prove to be correct.  

But Ed pounded a table. "No! Shit! No! It took me hours last time. I'm
so close, I can't -... Hey!" He shoved my jacket aside and tried to
unholster my weapon. I wrestled him off, pushing him away from me. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" 

"If you shoot me then I'll pass out, right? Shock or whatever? Just
shoot me in the arm or the shoulder, wherever it is you Feds are taught
to aim for. It'll be quicker -" 

"I'm not shooting you!" I looked at him, wondering if maybe he was
crazy after all. 

"Okay, you're right. Bad idea. I'm over it." He gestured as if trying
to calm me. The mood swings were worrying me. This was a man on the
edge.  
"It was a bad idea. I act impulsively, you know. Sorry." Grabbing his
head with his hands he started to pace. I understood his impatience,
the desperation of being so close and not able to make the final step,
but hell if I knew what to do... 

I looked up to see that Ed's face was going purple. He was holding his
breath, trying to make himself pass out. But survival instincts must
have kicked in because he let out the breath, spluttering for air, body
wracked as he gasped.   

"Ed -" 

"Wait, I can do it," he muttered, straightening up again. He drew a
deep breath, then pressed his lips shut tightly together, pinching his
nose closed. I tugged his hand away from his face. 

"Enough of that! I'm starting to think they were right to call you
crazy! Listen, I know that you want to get home. I understand -" 

"I haven't seen Sandy for almost four months! Do you know what that's
like? Can you possibly understand how that feels?" 

"I think that I c-" 

"Our baby was born three weeks ago. If it was a boy we were going to
name it Edward, Eddie Junior..." 

"I don't know what to say, Ed. I'm sorry. But maybe we can come back in
the morning with some proper anaesthetic -" 

"Chloroform! That's what they use, right? Or they used to, anyway." 

"I don't think there's any chloroform -" 

"Then fucking well just punch me! Put me out of my misery, okay? Just
let me get home!" 

I hesitated, realising that if I were in his situation I would be just
as desperate, willing to try anything and everything possible to get
home, to get my life back. Wouldn't I? 
I sucked in a deep breath, pulled back, and I swung at him, hitting him
in the jaw. Pain shot through my wrist and I recoiled. Ed stumbled
back, but was still on his feet. 

"God Almighty, that *hurt*!" he roared. Still slipping back, he reached
out to push me. Drinks must have gotten spilled. The floor was
slippery. I lost my balance and grabbed blindly for something as I
fell, and then there was just flash after flash of blurred light, as if
I were tumbling down a staircase. Pain, but I couldn't tell where. Then
dark. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

"I don't want to go again tomorrow. It was such a waste of time. I told
you it would be..." 

"You've made a commitment to the play, Astrid. So has Josh." 

"But -" 

"If you don't want to go, you talk to your director about it." 

"She'll just say that I have to be there!" 

"Then you have to be there. Whining about it won't change that." 

I didn't have the tolerance to deal with Astrid's bad mood right then.
Erin had woken from the nap full of energy and mischief, and though my
own rest had recharged me, the energy had been spent quickly enough.  

I let us into the apartment and let Erin down to the ground, taking a
second to just breathe in the cool air, let it soothe my prickly,
sweaty skin. 
Erin ran to her toys, enthusiastic as always. She was the only one with
any energy, it seemed. Even Josh, tiny in his backstage blacks, looked
tired. 

My back was aching and I had a cramp in my right leg that had made
driving painful. I sighed as I hobbled over to the answering machine,
waiting for it to rewind and closing my eyes to listen as it played the
messages. The first was from Jacqueline, wanting to know if I'd ever
had a labrador. I just shook my head at that, too tired to follow her
mind along whatever new crazy avenue it was exploring. The second was
from Mulder, telling me he'd be late. I groaned. I'd been looking
forward to his getting home and taking over for me. Neither of the kids
looked like they were in the mood to take Erin off my hands... 

"Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Erin came flying at me, wrapping her arms
around my legs. It wouldn't be such a problem if she didn't have sticky
hands. Josh must have given her the remains of the peanut butter
sandwich I'd packed him for lunch. Now I had peanut butter handprints
all over me. Great. Just great. 

I took Erin by the wrist and led her into the kitchen, grabbing a damp
cloth to clean her up. Releasing her, I halfheartedly scrubbed at the
stains on my own clothes for a few seconds before tossing the cloth
down again and letting myself down on the couch. At least it was cool
in the apartment.  

I closed my eyes with a sigh, knowing I'd have to do something about
dinner soon but not having the energy to even think it through.
Stretching out, I stretched my leg, wriggling my toes and rotating my
ankle, trying to loosen the cramp. Feet up, sinking deep into the
couch, I felt too tired even to sleep. I just lay there, eyes closed,
trying to relax every muscle in my body. It wasn't so easy. I knew that
I was just waiting for the interruption, for the argument brought to me
to settle or the boo boo brought to be kissed better or simply the
hungry whining for dinner. 

"Mommy?"  

"What is it, Josh?" Third time today, I thought drowsily. Child number
three... And we were having a fourth? What if this one was as crazily
energetic as Erin? I didn't know how we'd handle it.  

"Should we order pizza?" 

"Yeah. Money's in my purse," I murmured. I let out a sigh of relief.
Thank God for Josh. He was obviously tired - I could hear it in his
voice. He was dealing with whole days at school better but these
rehersals that went after school hours really wore him out. But he
never shirked from responsibility, especially when it came to his
sisters or me. He was playing man of the house. 

Sleep now. I could get a few hours and be up again in time to put Erin
to bed and maybe even get in some time with Josh and Astrid before
calling it a night. 

Mulder had said he'd be home late. Translated, that meant he would be
home whenever he'd reached the end of this new rainbow and finished
chasing after the legendary pot of gold. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

My eyeballs hurt. I blinked, then again, and some of the pain faded,
but in moving I became aware of pain somewhere else, the back of my
head, and shooting arrows in my wrist. I winced, opening my eyes
properly and lifting my head off the pillow. Everything was blurry and
I swallowed dryly as I blinked again to focus. The blurs became images.
I was in a hospital room. What this time? 
I swallowed again. My mouth was parched, my tongue felt swollen, and my
lips were cracked. What had happened to me? 

I turned my head slowly to the left to see Scully asleep in a chair
beside my bed, one hand on her belly, the other stretched across. I
followed it, finding it holding my left hand. I couldn't feel her grip
- my hand had fallen asleep, maybe. I wrigggled my all my fingers and
toes, checking that everything was all there. Her eyes snapped open.
She looked at me, wide-eyed, and leaned forward. "Mulder..." 

I swallowed again but before I could speak she pulled her hand from
mine and pushed herself to her feet awkwardly, hands on her hips as she
started to walk away from me.  

"Scully?"  

She turned on me, eyes blazing. "Don't say anything! I'm so mad at you
right now, Mulder, that if you say just another word, so help me I'll
-" She shook her head, one hand going to ssupport her belly, the other
to the bridge of her nose, pinching it tiredly. "God!" she exploded. "I
told you Mulder, again and again, to be careful! And now you - no, I
don't want to know. I just want to forget this happened. Can we do
that?" 

I stared at her, not entirely certain what was going on. "I don't
know... Can we?" 

"Mulder -!"  

Ouch. She thought I was pushing her. I winced and shut my mouth fast.
She was pissed off, big time. She brushed angrily at tears already
making their way down her cheeks, then she gave up, just stood there
three feet away and closed her eyes, letting the tears run freely. 

"Here," I whispered. I reached out. Her face crumpled and she let me
pull her against me, bent over me as she sobbed.  

It was only a few seconds before she pulled away again, but she seemed
calmer. She dragged her chair from earlier closer and sunk down into
it, trying tocatch her breath, to calm herself. 

"What happened?" I wasn't sure that I knew. 

"You don't remember?" 

"Not exactly." 

"They found you outside a bar in Alexandria, out cold on the ground.
You hit your head, or were hit, and you've got a bump and suspected
concussion. Your brain functions have been a little wiggy. You've got
some bruising on your right hand, too." 

"Who's they?" 

"Huh?" 

"Who found me?" 

"Some cops called to check on an antique shop next door that had been
broken into. They thought you were just drunk at first."  

I shifted, then winced, feeling the pain at the back of my head for the
first time. The painkillers were wearing off. Scully rose quickly and
shifted into doctoring gear, checking my IV and charts, then checking
me over. "Your pupils are still a little sluggish. How do you feel?
Tired? Disoriented?" 

"A little. My eyeballs hurt." I knew even as I said it how babyish I
must sound. "And my throat is dry." 

She nodded, easing me up on the pillows and filling the plastic tumbler
with water, bringing it to my lips for me but then wrapping my left
hand around it, making sure I had a grip.  

I gulped down all the water, though I knew better, and stretched out to
return the tumbler to its tray. "What happened to Ed?"  

"What?" 

"We were at the bar to see -" 

She put up a hand to stop me. "I told you, Mulder: I don't want to know
what you were up to. If you weren't going to tell me earlier there's no
reason to tell me now. Skinner's pissed at you, too. You missed a
meeting today." 

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say. Did Ed get through,
somehow? Or did he run off when he didn't get through? Where would he
go? Back to the apartment that wasn't really his? I'd have to look.
Maybe he'd even try to contact me again. I'd have to check my
voice-mail... 

She nodded, quickly bending down to kiss me, but then she folded her
arms again, giving me her severest look. "I'm still mad at you." 
Picking up her bag, she headed toward the door. 

"Hey, Scully -" I called after her, surprised that she was actually
just going to leave me here. I had questions that still needed
answering. I wanted to know what had happened. Had I hit my head? Been
hit? I couldn't remember actually connecting with anything. I'd
slipped... 

As she turned back I experimentally wiggled my fingers and toes again.
Something felt wrong. "I'm okay, right? Aside from the bump and some
bruises?" I wasn't dying from internal bleeding or just had something
amputated or having to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair? 

She frowned, impatient. Thinking I was playing games, stalling her.
"You're fine, Mulder." 

"So I can go home?" 

"They want to keep you under observation for a couple more hours, at
least. I've left Astrid and Josh with Erin. I'm going home to make sure
they all get to bed okay. I'll be back to pick you up tomorrow
morning." 

"You can't come back later tonight?" I suddenly realised I didn't even
know what time it was. I lifted my wrist but my watch was missing,
probably in Scully's possession. "What's the time? What day is it?" 

She frowned, starting to look a little worried, though still clearly
suspicious of me. "It's Thursday." She glanced at her watch. "Just past
eight." 

Still Thursday? Only just past eight? Less than two hours since I'd
been in the bar with Ed. I felt like I'd been out for days. 

She was still staring at me. Worried was overtaking suspicious. "I'm
going to get them to do another MRI," she said, frowning.  

"I want to go home." 

"I don't think that's a good idea. You could be concussed, Mulder -" 

I shook my head quickly, then realised what a bad idea that had been.
Still, I turned my wince into a smile. "I'm okay, Scully. You're right,
it's Thursday, Thursday the twenty-third of May, two thousand and four,
and the president is George W. Bush." 

She relaxed a little. "Congratulations, Mulder. Now can you tell me the
weather forecast for the next two weeks?" 

We heard that on the news last night, I remembered. The temperature
would be in the low hundreds for the next couple of days. She didn't
really want to hear that, I knew, she was just kidding. I knew what she
did want to hear. 

"If you spring me tonight I promise I'll be more careful. I'll become
Mr Reliable." I gave her a wide smile, needing to set things right. 

She bit her lower lip. "I'll have to talk to your doctor again. If he
says it's okay, then I'll be back around ten." 

"Thank you, Scully." I really meant that. I just wanted to get home.  

She gave me a tight smile. "You owe me big time." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

I was signed out and home by midnight. The kids were all in pajamas but
still up, Erin playing with the kitten, supervised by Josh and Astrid.
Erin was bright-eyed and energetic as ever, while Josh and Astrid
looked asleep on their feet. Scully had headed straight to the couch,
stretched out, exhausted. If I was well enough to come home, I was well
enough to take charge, seemed to be her implication. 

I took Josh and Astrid back to their respective bedrooms, tucking them
into rumpled beds. Both were out like a light. Back to the living room
and I swept Erin up. "Bedtime, Monkey." 

"Noooooooooo! No bedtime yet." 

"Yeah. I'll read you a story. How's that sound?"  

"Grandpa's Hat!" 

"Grandpa's Hat? Okay, we'll read that." Not wanting to disturb Astrid
as she slept, I collected the book from their room and returning to the
living room, settling in the armchair and pulling Erin up on my lap.
She pulled the book open, arms stretched wide to hold the pages for me,
and I started to read. 

I watched Scully over the top of the book as we read. She'd dragged
herself up off the couch and was in the kitchen, searching the pantry
shelves.  
"'Oh no,' said Grandpa. 'That's not my hat. My hat is yellow.' So the
greengrocer shrugged and' - You okay, Scully?" 

She was standing there, hands on hips, staring at the shelves. She
rubbed her eyes tiredly as she turned to face me, a childish petulance
on her face. "We're out of chocolate," she whined. "How can we be out
of chocolate?"  

You ate it all, I thought silently, repressing a smile. Chocolate had
been one of the biggest cravings, one usually easy enough to deal with.

I shrugged apologetically, turning back to the story. We were almost
finished. 
  

She was digging through a bowlful of Coco-Pops when we finished the
story. I carried Erin over for a goodnight kiss and then flew her back
into her room, tucking her in. She wasn't worn out yet but she was
beginning to look sleepy and that was a start. 

Back in the kitchen, I watched Scully eating the cereal, the sort of
tired determination with which she swallowed down spoonful after
spoonful and even scraped the bowl clean.  

Finally, I followed her into our bedroom, waiting again, this time for
her to finish up in the bathroom. I knew I was still in trouble for
getting in trouble, and I knew that for the moment all I could do to
fix that was to put her first and be cautious about my actions, though
it made me feel like a visitor in my own home. 

I gave her a hand getting into bed. She sat hunched over, face in her
hands, as if this whole day had just been too much to deal with.
Silently, I reached to touch her back, knowing it must have been aching
for hours. I started to rub and knead and she relaxed a little, folding
her arms across her knees and resting her head, eyes closed. 
"I love you," I whispered. I knew that further apologies for the day
would be wasted. My task now was to atone for the mistake. 

"Love you too," she muttered, voice muffled. "Even if you do ditch me."

She lifted her head and straightened, pulling away from me. "We both
need our sleep." She eased herself back, wriggling, trying to get
comfortable under the covers and then just kicking them off so the
comforter was doubled over me. I didn't mind. I still felt the chill
sleeping in sweats, the apartment was so cold. 

"Night, Scully," I whispered. 

She sighed, already almost out of it. "Night, Mulder." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

She was already awake. 8.22, the alarm clock told me. I looked past it
to gaze at her as she did some gentle stretches, practicing her
breathing, different relaxation techniques. I smiled, watching her. I
loved this morning ritual, though I often left for work before she was
up and missed it.  

"Where are the kids?" 

"Sleeping in. Erin was up earlier but I got her back to sleep again." 

"She didn't wake you, did she?" 

"No. This one did. Restless all night. Do you think you'll be okay to
take Josh and Astrid to school?" 

I nodded, eager to be of assistance. I didn't know whether it was
assumed I was going to work or not. I didn't want to. I just wanted to
stay home and be with her. 

Staying silent, I kicked back the covers and swung myself to sit on the
edge of the bed, rubbing my arms to keep warm, watching her. 
Her tank top had ridden up over her belly and the pale skin glistened
with sweat. Her belly looked huge. I gazed at her swollen form
curiously. "You're getting bigger overnight." 

She shrugged, concentrating on her breathing. "He's going to be a big
boy." 

I smiled, amused. Was she testing me again or just teasing? "Girl," I
corrected softly, playing her game. 

She gave me a strange look. "Boy." Grabbing a towel, she dried herself
off, then took a long swig from a water bottle on the dresser. Picking
up something, she tossed it at me. My cellular. I caught it, and looked
to her, questioning. 

"Someone's been trying to reach you. Said his name was Ed Wright. I
couldn't get anything more out of him. He's called about six times
already this morning. You know him?" 

I stood up, rubbing my eyes. "Ed Wright?" 

"Yeah, Ed Wright," she echoed, impatiently. "Does that name ring a
bell?" 

I felt a sinking sensation in my chest as pieces fell into place. "It
does for me," I said slowly. "Does it for you?"  

She raised an eyebrow, gazing at me impatiently, not sure what was
going on. "No." She frowned, obviously reading something in my face.
"Why?" 

Panic was creeping up inside me. "Ed Wright, the guy who said that -,
who held you h- You don't know who I'm talking about?"  

She stared at me blankly and I felt as though a rug had just been swept
out from under my feet. What the hell - Was I though the mirror? Had I
somehow fallen through the tear, into Ed's world? Had he pulled me
through? Had he knocked me out? Why?  
I was in another world. I was in a parallel universe.  
"Oh, shit..." I muttered, overwhelmed. I looked at Scully, standing
only a foot away, and stumbled back. I couldn't touch her. I couldn't
to anything to change anything. Already I must have altered things,
people's lives, events... 

She reached out to me, worried. "Mulder -" 

I pulled back from her touch. "Don't, Scully. I'm not - *you're* not!
We can't - we have to be careful what we do, you understand? Because I
don't belong here. I'm not who you think I am. You and I aren't
supposed to be together. There's another me, somewhere, and you think
I'm him, but I'm not. I belong to another you in another world, and
we're having a baby girl, not a boy. Astrid wants to call her Han-" 

Her eyes were wide. "Mulder..." 

"There's a tear. We don't know how it works, we didn't even know where
it was or how to get through it, til last night, when Ed and I... See,
inanimate objects could get through. We knew that. But when people
tried to get through it was like the tear wasn't there at all and we
didn't know how Ed had gotten through, until we realised something.
Because he'd gotten drunk, he was unconscious, that was how -" 

"Mulder! Stop it!" She looked closed to tears. "I don't understand what
you're talking about. You're sounding crazy. You're scaring me -" 

I couldn't comfort her. It was just too crazy. She was mine but she
wasn't ... I didn't know how to deal with it. Instead, I headed to my
wardrobe, half-expecting to find it full of unfamiliar clothes. But
they were all mine, all just how I'd left them. I grabbed jeans and
t-shirt and started to dress. 

"Mulder..." She had managed to calm herself. "I want to take you back
to the hospital to get you checked again for head trauma." She came
closer, very cautiously, but I pushed her away.  

"No! I have to go see Ed Wright!" I pulled on sneakers, not bothering
with laces. I grabbed my cellphone from the bed and a jacket, and I
headed toward the door. She followed me out of the bedroom and stood in
the living room, watching as I picked up my car keys. 

"Mulder!" 

I didn't reply. I didn't know how to. I let myself out, and I didn't
look back. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- JACQUELINE POV - 

"'Morning, Jacqui." 

I glanced up from my desk. Aaron. I smiled, a comfortable warmth
spreading through me at the sight of him.  "Hi." 

"I was just on my way to get some coffee. You want some?" 

I nodded. "Sure." 

"Black, right?" 

"As it gets." I was still smiling as I watched him go again. I liked
the attention. I liked being cared for. How much I was actually
attracted to Aaron... I still wasn't sure.  

He returned five minutes later, my mug in one hand, his in the other. I
thanked him as I took mine, my fingers intentionally brushing his, and
almost shivered at the thrill of the fleeting contact. 

I glanced up at him, but his expression was guarded, almost
disapproving. Was I acting like a silly teenager? Was I being too
forward, too flirtatious? I fought back the sudden urge to apologise,
but, suddenly embarrassed, put my mug down and returned to my work,
watching him leave out of the corner of my eye.  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

"Erin! Don't touch that! Did you hear me? Erin!!" Phone sandwiched
between ear and shoulder, I reached out to pull Erin back as she
prodded the wall power point with a stubby finger.  

"Damnit, Mulder," I muttered, hanging up and tossing the phone down,
giving Erin a push toward her toys. Why the hell had he switched his
phone off? Where had he gone? I hated when he ran off without warning.
What was there so important that he switch his phone off *now*, with me
due in a matter of days? I was going to kill him. 

"Damnit, Mul-derr, damnit, Mul-derr," Erin sang.  

"Don't say that, sweetie," I corrected her brusquely. I put my hands to
my aching head, trying to find a coherent thought. Where would he have
gone? Was he in danger? How was I supposed to do anything about it?  

I growled, frustrated. Erin was still singing those two words, over and
over. "Stop it, Erin!" I shouted the words at her and she let out a
high-pitched shriek, running from me. 

"Damnit..." I sucked in a deep breath, held it, then exhaled, hand to
my eyes, just trying to block out all thoughts. I had to keep my
breathing controlled and calm myself down. He'd turn up soon enough. I
shouldn't be worrying. 

But it was more than just not having heard from him since the answering
machine message the night before. It was a niggling worry in the back
of my mind. He'd been talking about Ed Wright... 

I knelt down to pick the phone up, and dialled directory assistance,
asking to be put through to the Brochard Institute. A connection
established, I asked for Dr Theodore Goldstein. 

"Dr Goldstein is with a patient right now," I was told. "Do you have a
message you'd like for me to give him?" 

Impatiently, I asked if there was any possibility I could speak to
Edward Wright. The suggestion was immediately shot down with the
statement that patients were not allowed to accept incoming calls, and
that if I wished to speak with a patient I would have to either visit -
during visiting hours, of course - or else leave a message and by
called by Wright during phone privileges. 

I sighed and gave the receptionist my name and cellphone number, asking
for Dr Goldstein to call me as soon as possible, knowing it could be
hours before he even got the message.  

"Mommy?" Erin stood, offering a book as if in penitence. "We read?" 

Oh God... I bit my lip, afraid that I was going to cry, and I nodded.
"Yeah, okay, sweetie. We'll do that." 
  

We read the book through twice, then I made lunch for both of us and we
played together with her blocks, building a tower. Together we went
down to the basement to do a load of laundry, then returning to the
apartment I got her down for a nap.  

Pacing in the kitchen, I tried calling Mulder again. No answer. I
called his office number but only got the machine.  

"Keep your head on, Dana," I muttered, trying to calm myself. "You're
gettin' crazy. Calm down... Oh God..." I felt the tears coming up on me
again and bit them back. I wouldn't cry, damnit. I was just getting
myself all freaked out over nothing. So what if Mulder had run off
following up some case and was probably in Utah by now? He'd come back.
He always did. It wasn't my job to chase after him. 

I tried laying down on my bed, the whirring fan beside me, but I was
too tense to sleep. I was tired but not sleepy. I got up again and
started to tidy our bedroom, but his name just kept thudding endlessly
in my brain. Mulder, Mulder, Mulder, Mulder...  

I had to know. Even if I couldn't chase after him and physically drag
him home like I'd had to in the past, I had to at least know where he
was, and why he hadn't told me. That was the part I couldn't get over.
He knew how soon this baby was due. He would have told me. For the
baby's sake as well as mine. He wouldn't miss being there when his
child was born.  

I picked up the phone, dialling Kathy's number, praying that she would
pick up. She did, on the third ring, and though she sounded as if she
was in the middle of an argument, she seemed eager when I asked her if
she was free for the afternoon. Ten minutes later, she was through the
door, laptop bag slung over one arm and a sheaf of computer printouts
in her hand. 
"You don't know how glad I am you called, Dana." She tossed the laptop
bag down on the kitchen table. "I was going nuts at home with this
massive HTML project I've got. The damn browser keeps crashing and I've
already reinstalled it half a dozen times this morning, and they want a
prelim site up next week and I've just discovered that they don't have
ASP facilities on their server - and God knows why not, because
everybody else does, but it means I'll be up til next Tuesday, because
they won't change hosts and now I have to rewrite... Monkey's asleep?" 

I nodded, watching as she started to set the laptop up, plugging in
power and a mouse, waiting for it to boot up. She dashed off a password
at Astrid-speed. 
We knew so little about this young woman, I thought. She'd taken care
of Erin almost since birth, been there through the leukemia, and yet
we'd never made an effort to get to know her. Maybe it had been out of
fear of discovering that she knew more about Erin than we did. That
thought had been weighing heavily on me as I'd been at home with Erin
the past weeks. Taking my little girl along to 'Mommy and Me' swimming
lessons and playgroup and kindi-gym was a joy but also disconcerting.
Erin knew the other children, and their mothers knew her and knew
Kathy. Though I was Erin's own mother, I felt like an afterthought.  
It was my own fault, I knew. I had made the choice between working and
staying at home, and though I'd tried hard to cut back on the hours the
fact remained that I spent less time with Erin than Kathy did, time
that counted. But, short of quitting, what could I do? Being an FBI
agent wasn't a part time job. It was full time or nothing. I had to
make a decision one way or the other, and I just wasn't ready to make
that.  

After this baby is born, I told myself. I'll decide whether I'm going
back or not. 

"I'm going in to work for an hour or so," I said quietly, trying to
sound in control. "I'm not really sure at the moment. The kids don't
have rehersal this afternoon so they'll be home at quarter to four. I
just put Erin down for her nap so she'll be fine for an hour or two. If
I'm not home in time, can you get their dinner? There's a frozen
lasagne -" 

"No problems. Be as late as you want. I'll be up most of the night
working on this thing, so..." She looked at me keenly. "You doing okay
today, Dana? You look wiped." 

I sighed, exhausted by her energy, wondering how terrible I must look
for her to mention it. She had been with our family through all the
traumas of the past year and yet she'd always hung diplomatically in
the background. "Just got some things I have to do," I said quietly. 

She nodded, clearly concerned. "Just take it easy, okay?" 

I nodded, almost at the door before I realised I shouldn't drive
myself; my ankles were giving me enough trouble as it was and I had a
hard time keeping concentration on the road. I grabbed the phone, going
in to check on Erin as I called for a cab, and staying, watching her
sleep, until I heard it pull up out front. 
  

The basement office was empty. I sat down at Mulder's desk, searching
through the scribbles on his notepad for any clues, checking his
computer, going through the piles of paperwork, the messages on the
machine. Spinning around in the plush chair, I sat for several minutes
just staring at the poster on the wall. I Want To Believe. I sighed,
tired. I want Mulder back. 

Skinner's office was my next stop. He was in a meeting when I arrived
and I restrained myself from just barging in. It wasn't an emergency. I
didn't know for certain that anything was wrong. I was just trying to
find some information. 
I sat on the leather couch, waiting in the outer office, fanning
myself. Skinner's assistant glanced at me from time to time, but aside
from a greeting and a few short comments about my imminent delivery and
the weather, it was silent. I was glad. I didn't have the energy or
patience for mindless small-talk. 

Finally, the door to the office opened, and two young agents were
ushered out, a male and a female. I watched the way they walked closely
but apart and wondered if they were partners. What sort of job was
theirs? Did their lives in any way compare to mine and Mulder's? Could
it? 

Skinner stood in the doorway. "Scully?" 

I rose, straightening the pants and short-sleeved desert shirt I'd
changed into as I'd waited for Kathy to arrive. I felt stronger, more
capable, when I dressed the part. I needed to feel that confidence. 

Skinner ushered me into his office. I took the offered seat but brushed
aside his offer of a cold drink, not needing to promote the need to go
to the bathroom.  

He gazed at me across the desk with that same cautious concern I'd seen
in Kathy's eyes. "You want to tell me what you're doing here, Scully?" 

As concisely and unemotionally as I could, I explained my concerns over
Mulder's absence. I didn't mention Ed Wright. 

Skinner looked at me evenly. "You don't think he could have just run
off on a case?" 

"No. He would have told me." I sounded more confident than I felt.
After all, Mulder had kept things from me in the past. He'd gone off
without a word, leaving me to worry. But he wouldn't do that now. I
refused to believe he could be so selfish. 

Skinner nodded. "I'll put some agents on it." He rose. "Go home, Dana.
Try not to worry too much about it. We'll find him." 

I set my teeth. I was so damn sick of being told not to worry, as if I
had control over it.  
"He said he was in a meeting when I called him yesterday, around one in
the afternoon. I think he was here. Can we just check to see when he
came in, and if he had any visitors?" 

"I don't want to be responsible for upsetting your pregnancy, Scully." 

"With all due respect, I'll be infinitely more upset if you don't help
me, sir." I stared at him, refusing to back down. I didn't want to be
treated delicately. I just wanted the information. 

My cellphone rang. I broke away from Skinner's gaze to answer it. It
was Astrid. 
"Mommy? Something's wrong, isn't it? I thought maybe it was just me but
Joshie feels it too." 

"We're not sure what's going on yet, Astrid. Why aren't you in class?" 

"We had assembly and snuck out. We tried ringing Daddy's cellphone but
we got the recorded message saying that it isn't on and ... We don't
know what's wrong. Even Joshie doesn't know, he can't figure it out.
Can you come pick us up? Please? We can't be at school... If
something's wrong with Daddy-" 

I sighed, glancing at my watch. Two forty. "Kathy's at home with Erin.
You can't wait til the end of school? Erin just went down for her nap
before I left and you know she needs her sleep..." 

"Please, Mommy? If something's wrong -"  

That was the biggest problem, I thought. We didn't know for certain
whether something was wrong or not. We were all just going on a gut
feeling. Still, the kids' had proved accurate in the past, and if they
were as upset as they sounded they weren't going to learn much in their
afternoon classes anyway. 
I glanced up but Skinner had left the office. I could hear him speaking
to his assistant.  

I sighed again, rubbing my belly. "Okay. I'll call Kathy, ask her to
come pick you up as soon as Erin wakes up." 

"Can't she wake Erin up? If we stay here then we'll have to go to class
and I don't want to Mommy. I've got math and I won't be able to
concentrate and -" 

"Fine. I'll get her to wake Erin. Just don't worry too much, okay? We
don't know if anything is really wrong or not. You know Daddy does
crazy stuff sometimes." My voice shook with the effort to sound
careless.  

"Mommy -" 

"I'll be home soon, okay? I'll see you then." 

"I love you, Mommy." Astrid sounded as though she was near tears. Were
the vibes they were reading that bad or was it just not knowing what
was going on that upset her so much? I thought maybe it was the latter,
but it still worried me.  

"I love you, too. Both of you. Take care of Josh, okay? I'll be home
soon." 

I hung up, a wave of exhaustion washing over me. I wearily dialled
home, passing the message on to Kathy, and then sat back, eyes closed
as I tried to gather some energy, waiting for Skinner to return. 

"Dana?" 

My eyes snapped open. I'd almost fallen asleep. "Yeah?" 

Skinner sat down behind his desk, holding handful of pages. "Mulder
arrived and signed in a visitor just past eight yesterday morning. The
visitor signed in as O. Welles." He passed a surveillance image capture
across to me. "Are you familiar with the man?" 

I almost smiled at the reference to Orson Welles, wondering whose idea
that had been. "That's Edward Wright. A couple of months ago Mulder and
I investigated certain statements that he'd made, that he had come from
a parallel universe." 

"A parallel universe?" Skinner echoed. 

I shrugged. "We never found any conclusive evidence verifying any of
his claims." 

"But you think, what? That Mulder has somehow gotten lost in a parallel
universe?" 

I was silent, trying to compose an answer. "I think that if we can find
Mulder, we'll find Ed Wright, and vice versa," I said finally. 

Skinner nodded, still digesting the information. "Right." He looked to
the pages again. "There were several calls made from Mulder's phoneline
during the morning and early afternoon. At four-twenty pm Mulder went
into the equipment room and signed out a whole set of G8CBK somethings-
laser beam projectors of some sort, among other forensic tools. The GPS
tracking system has traced Mulder's car to a bar in downtown DC. I'll
send some agents down there, if you want." 

I nodded, a little overwhelmed by the amount of information thrown at
me. "Yes. Thank you." 

Skinner rose. "Let us handle things here, Scully. You go back to your
family and take care of yourself. I'll call if we find anything." 
  

I didn't argue, just let him put me in a cab and send me home. The kids
were there and Astrid wasted no time in demanding to know everything I
knew. I waited til Kathy had packed up and left, then, sinking down
into a chair at the kitchen table with them, I relayed everything
Skinner had told me. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

Mommy was scared. I could see how hard she was trying to stay in charge
and be calm about everything, but she was scared. I was scared too.
Normally Josh could tell exactly what was going on, but this time he
wasn't sure at all. "The signal is all warped," he'd explained to me
quietly when he came to find me at lunch time. "Not gone, but not
clear." It was like he was trying to tune into a TV station and see the
picture through the static.  

"He was at the bureau yesterday with Ed Wright," Mommy said quietly.
"You remember him?" 

Of course we remembered. But - "How do we know if he's really in
trouble?" I burst out. How did we know for sure he hadn't just run off
like he used to sometimes, chasing some clue to another state or even
another country? And what could have happened to him? Was Mr Wright
holding Daddy hostage somewhere, like he had done to Mommy? Or- "Is
Daddy in the parallel world?" 

"We don't know anything yet, Astrid." Mommy spoke fast. "We've got no
reason to jump to such an unbelieveable conclusion." 

"You believed that Mr Wright came from a parallel world," Josh said
quietly.  

Mommy was rubbing her head as if she had a headache. "I don't know."
She sounded like she was trying hard to keep tears back.  

"But you did believe him, even though you couldn't explain it." I
backed Josh up. "And Mr Wright wanted to get back to his world, right?
So maybe he found out how, maybe he found how he got here and he was
able to reverse it, and maybe Daddy went, too." 

He wouldn't leave us. I heard Mommy's thought loud and clear and I felt
cold when I felt how scared she was. 

"Maybe it was an accident," Josh said softly.  

"We never even begun to explore how it could be possible..." Mommy
protested. "I don't know where we'd start..." 

"Can't we follow what Daddy did? I mean, if they found his car outside
that bar... It's the same bar that Mr Wright came through in the first
place, right? So all you have to do is find the tear, and..." I trailed
off, not sure exactly what we were supposed to do after finding the
tear. Go through to bring him back? But it wasn't like there was just a
door there you had to walk through. Mommy and Daddy had gone to check
the bar out last time and hadn't been able to find anything. How had
Daddy found the tear? More than that, how had he gotten through it?  

The phone rang and we all jumped. Mommy was sitting with her head in
her hands but got up fast to get the phone. "Mulder?" 

But it wasn't Daddy. We could see it in the disappointment on her face.
She sighed, rubbing at her eyes. 

"Sorry, Dr Goldstein, I was just expecting a call from - ... I'm
ringing about Ed Wright.... He was released? What time Wednesday?
Afternoon... Have you heard from him since? ... I understand that, but
this is an emergency. I need to contact him... Yes, thank you..." She
reached for pen and paper and scribbled something down, then she
thanked Dr Goldstein again and hung up. Dialling the number she'd just
written down, she turned to look at us as she waited, and waited, and
waited. She hung up again. "I got his machine." 

We sat silently, just watching her as she paced, chewing on her lower
lip. There were tears in her eyes. She was shaking her head. "It's not
possible. I can't believe it..." 

"You have to believe it," Josh told her quietly. "You can't get him
back unless you believe it." 

Mommy looked at him, so sadly. Then she nodded. "Okay," she said,
barely a whisper. My heart was fluttering and I think hers was too, and
Josh's. We were all so scared because we didn't know whether we could
get him back, even if we did believe it. And the thought of life
without Daddy was just too unbearable. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- JACQUELINE POV - 

Annie was coming out of his office with a box of tapes to transcribe as
I approached it and that alone almost took my nerve away. But I drew a
deep breath and pushed onward. "Is Graham busy?" 

"Graham?" she echoed, confused. 

It took me a second to realise my mistake and I winced, disgusted at
the slip. "Aaron. Is he busy?" 

"He's alone, if that's what you're asking. He's got a patient at
four-thirty." 

I nodded, thanking her, and knocked on Aaron's door, turning the knob
and pushing it open enough to poke my head through. I had a patient at
four-thirty, too. That gave us half an hour. "Can I come in?" 

He looked up from his notes. "Sure." 

I took a seat, trying to be comfortable, to keep myself calm and
unemotional. Was this what it felt like to be brought before the school
principal? I was almost glad I'd been spared the experience. 

He sat, waiting for me to begin, to launch into a patient's case
history or a particularly unusual situation. I was silent, unsure where
to start. I felt strongly that I'd somehow offended him, as if he'd
just discovered something particularly unlikeable about me, but I
couldn't really understand what or why.  

My eyes landed on a framed print on the wall. I recognised it from a
biography I'd read maybe ten years ago. John F Kennedy and his cabinet
members sitting around in the Oval Office, the weight of the world on
their shoulders, while Kennedy's two year old son climbed on the
Presidential desk, innocently come to visit his father. 
Aaron followed my gaze. "You like that picture?" 

I nodded. "It's sweet." Now I was sounding like a silly empty-headed
teenager. I mentally kicked myself. 

"I read about it in a book, once. The writer used that image to
represent our relationship with God." Aaron glanced across at me. "The
president, high and powerful, is the closest so many Americans can come
to understanding how mighty God is. Far out of reach of the common man,
but his actions control their lives. But for John-John, the most
powerful man in the world is still just his father who loves him. In
that same way, as children of God, we have that sort of special
relationship with him, that of a father to his child. It find it so
constantly amazing." 

"It's a powerful analogy," I agreed quietly, a little scared by the
idea of such a relationship with a higher power. "I didn't know that
you believed in..." I fumbled for words. "That you were..." 

"A Christian? You're allowed to be surprised. A lot of people think
that all scientists are necessarily a bunch of Darwinist athiests,
especially in our field. A lot of Christians disagree with my work, but
I feel I'm right, in God. He called me to this field." He gazed at me,
playing with his glasses. "You think I'm crazy." 

"No, I don't." I was quick to correct him. Astrid and Josh both had a
strong faith. Dana struggled with hers, the things she saw at work that
contradicted what she'd always been taught as truth. I didn't think it
was crazy. I just didn't entirely think it was true, or any more true
than any other religion out there. I shrugged. "To be honest, I don't
really know much about it." 

"You never went to church, even as a child? Not on Christmas or
Easter?" 

I shook my head. We'd never celebrated those holidays. Even birthdays
had never been anything more than a mark on a calendar.  

"To be honest, you're probably better off. I see people who dutifully
attend Christmas and Easter services every year and I can tell that
nothing has gotten through to them. I see people who have attended
church every Sunday of their lives and still don't know the love of
Christ Jesus. For so many people, it's just an empty message. They just
miss the whole point." He smiled. "I'm preaching at you, I know. My
wife would never have let an opportunity like this to win a soul go
by." 

'Win a soul'? The words freaked me out a little, coming from a man I
most often heard sprouting medical jargon. But something surprised me
even more. "Your wife?"  

I knew hardly anything of Aaron's past. That hadn't been such of an
issue for me. I thought I knew him, now, but maybe I didn't even know
that. That was troubling. I shouldn't even be considering a
relationship with a man I didn't know. That was what had gotten me into
trouble last time. 

"We were married for eleven years. No kids... she couldn't. She died of
breast cancer four years ago, after fighting it for almost three years.
Her name was Grace." 

"I'm sorry." 

"I still miss her. She was such a beautiful, godly woman. The strongest
Christian I knew. After she died I struggled so hard not to be angry
with God. I knew that Grace was home at last, but I missed her so
badly. She really lived up to her name. I think of the message of God's
grace and I can't think of a better example of it in my life than her
presence." 

I sat silent, feeling so childish, so unworldly and shallow. This man
was almost twenty years my senior. How could I possibly have considered
making a life with him? I didn't deserve him. I couldn't in any way
fill the shoes of a wife named Grace. 

"She probably would have thought I was just a silly little girl," I
spoke aloud, my voice strangled. 

"That's not why I'm telling you, Jacqueline. I just want you to
understand where I'm coming from, what I believe. Because it matters,
to me. My faith should shape my relationships, whether they just be
friendship or more than that. And, though I've struggled with it the
past few days, I know in my heart that I was wrong to ask you out. As
much as I like and admire you, I know that it would be against God's
will for us to embark on a relationship. The bible says not to be yoked
with unbelievers, and I know that there are reasons for that. I've seen
marriages breaking down after twenty years because one partner has
faith and the other doesn't, and I don't want that. I don't think I
could live with somebody I knew wasn't saved." 

"Saved?" I echoed, my voice faltering. I felt as though I were in
quicksand, overwhelmed by his sudden passion. Why was he so desperate,
now, to convince me of this? Or was it simply the subject that had him
so fired up? Either way, it unsettled me.  

"Confirmed in faith. Saved from an eternity of hell. We're all sinners,
Jacqui. Every one of us deserves to go to hell. That's why Jesus had to
die on the cross, to save us from that hell and restore us to purity in
God's sight. That's grace. 'For it is by grace you have been saved,
through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.'
Ephesians two-eight. I'm not trying to scare you, Jacqui. I'm telling
you this because I think you're looking for something to believe and I
want you believing in the right thing." 

"The right thing as you see it. How is your faith any better than
Judaism or Buddhism or any other?" 

"'Better' is a difficult word, and there's a lot of different reason
why I believe that Christianity is right. God made the world, Jacqui.
The whole universe from the stars to the coral reefs to every bird in
the sky and fish in the sea... He is mighty and he is perfect. Do you
ever think we humans could possibly meet his standards? The bar is so
high we can hardly see it. What differentiates Christianity from all
other religions is grace. No matter how try we hard we get tripped up
in sin and we're imperfect, but we have grace, the blood of Jesus that
washes our sins away and makes us Holy in God's sight. 'While we were
still sinners, Christ died for us.' Romans, five-eight. God loves us no
matter who or what we are, as long as we repent. There's nothing you
can do to make him love me any more or any less. He loves you, Jacqui.
He's waiting for you to just acknowledge him, to acknowledge your sins.
You only have to ask for his forgiveness and you'll have it and you'll
feel free." 

It was just all too much information, too unbelieveable, too good to be
true. I didn't need to be faced with something like this. I didn't need
this complication when my life finally seemed to be on track.  
"Aaron, I know you're only trying to help me, but I don't believe it. I
don't need to believe it. I'm doing okay." 

He sat back, calm again. "I care about you, Jacqui," he said quietly.
"I don't want to see you go to hell." 

"I don't believe in hell. I don't believe in heaven. I don't -" -
believe in God? But I couldn't deny the desperate prayers I'd prayed in
dark hours. "I appreciate your concern, Aaron," I said uncomfortably,
just wishing that this subject had never come up. I stood. "But in the
future, I'd rather if you kept your beliefs to yourself." 

"I know you're scared, Jacqui. I'm not trying to freak you out or make
you hate me. I just want you to give it a chance. God loves you so
much. You can't ignore that." 

But I'd try. We both knew I'd try. I backed up, letting myself out and
slowly returning to my office. I sat at my desk, reaching to wake my
computer up, but then just sitting, lost in thought. I wished I hadn't
had that confrontation with Aaron. It had disturbed me, not just to
learn how little I knew about him but to realise that he wasn't the
rock of a supporter I had assumed he was.  
"Damnit," I muttered, frustrated. Why had he had to tell me that? Why
did he have to put all those questions in my mind, to make me feel so
small and childish? 

I got up, went to the door and locked it. Returning to my desk, I sat
with a sigh, putting my head in my hands. A good cry and then maybe I'd
feel better.  

My phone started to ring. Not the one on my desk, but my cellphone, in
my shoulderbag. I almost let it ring out, but then changed my mind,
reaching to answer it. "Yeah?" 

"It's Dana. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" 

I clenched my fists, almost overcome by the urge to just start bawling.
"No." I didn't elaborate, not knowing that to recount the conversation
would most definitely lead to tears.  

"I just thought I'd better ring you and let you know that Mulder's gone
missing. We're not sure where he is, so if he turns up or you hear from
him..." 

What had Fox done now? Dana sounded upset, but angry, too. "Would it
help if I came over?" 

"No, I'm trying to downplay it as much as possible. There's some agents
out looking for him... we're hoping to get him back soon. I just
thought you should know." 

I sighed. What a crappy day this was turning out to be. "Just take care
of yourself, Dana." 

"I'm fine," she answered shortly. I wondered how many people had
already told her that today. 

I hung up, putting my head back in my hands. Crappy day.  

The intercom buzzed. "Jacqui, Mrs Mason is here." 

I depressed the talk button. "Send her in." I sat back and sighed, not
wanting to deal with it, to have to put on the mask of professionalism.
I just felt like a mess, in no way qualified to be acting like an
adult. God, help me... 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

One thirty one, one thirty three, one thirty five, one thirty seven...
My heart was thudding as I unhooked the front gate to let myself in,
following an overgrown garden path to the front door. The rest of the
street was dark and silent - suburbia at three am. I knocked on the
carved wooden door and a dog next door started to bark, jumping up
against a chainlink fence.  
A light went on inside. I heard a baby crying, voices, then footsteps.
The front door swung wide open and I was swept up in a bear hug. "Mr
Mulder!" 

Released, I didn't get a chance to respond. I was tugged inside. "Look
at this, ay?" Ed indicated his black eye, grinning. He was like a kid
at Christmas. "Wait a sec." 

He ducked through a doorway and I took a second to look around. The
walls were covered with framed photos of Ed and a young blonde woman.
Sandra? 

"Mr Mulder?" I turned to see the big man standing with a tiny bundle in
his arms, beaming. "I want you to meet my son, Eddie Junior." 

I peered closer the tiny face crinkled up and the baby, no more than a
month old, began to cry. Hushing him, Ed jiggled the bundle. He looked
at me sheepishly. "I'm still kinda new at this." 

I nodded, touched by the sight but unable to smile. What if I couldn't
get back to Scully before the baby was born? I couldn't leave her to
handle everything. I couldn't not be there. 

"Ed?" A woman, the blonde woman from the pictures, appeared barefoot in
the hall, wrapping a summer robe around herself. She moved closer,
wary. 

"Sandy, honey, this is Mr Mulder, the guy I told you about." 

Another step closer, and a shy smile as she shook my hand. "Glad to
meet you, Mr Mulder. I can't thank you enough for helping Ed get home.
Really... I thought he was lost for good. I was so afraid that I'd
never see him again..." She smiled tightly, reaching to touch her
husband's back, as though still not entirely certain that he was real.
"Can we get you a drink? Tea or coffee?" 

"I don't want to be any trouble -" 

"No trouble. We were all awake, anyway. Little Eddie only sleeps an
hour at a time." She led the way down the hall to a kitchen. "Do you
have any children of your own?" 

"Yeah, three. Fourth one due soon." 

"That's right. Ed said -"  

"How soon?" Ed interrupted quietly. He seemed to only now gauge the
seriousness of my situation. 

"A week." 

Sandra gazed at me for a moment, then at her husband. Quietly, she
reached for the whimpering baby. "I'll give you two some privacy. Ed,
you can fix the coffee-?" 

She left. The two of us sat in silence, unsure where to start. I drew a
deep breath. "She knows what happened to you?" 

"I told her everything, as soon as I got home. We got it down on tape,
so that the memories would be fresh, you know." 

"She believed it all?" 

"She believed me... She trusts me. She believes that these sorts of
paranormal phenomena are possible." 

"She knew when you went missing that this was what had happened?" 

Crooked smile. "She thought I'd been abducted by the grays. She trusted
that they'd bring me back, eventually... We have friends who have been
abducted. They have some pretty horrific stories, as you know, but they
all come back, sooner or later." He heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry, Mr
Mulder, that I had to leave you there. It was just with the alarm going
off I figured the cops were probably on their way and I didn't have a
car, just my own two feet and no credit cards or money for a cabride
home. Sandy and I went back there as soon as we could but you were gone
already and there were cops around, and I figured maybe they'd just
thought you were drunk or somethin'... I tried waking you up but you
were really out... I'm sorry, I really am." 

I rubbed at my forehead, tired. "So then it's true. I'm really through
the mirror here..." 

"Yeah, and take my word for it, you're gonna want to keep quiet about
it, or they'll do to you what they did to me, they'll take away what
little is left of your sanity. Man, I was really going nuts inside, you
know? It's scary that a sane person can be driven to the edge just by
not being believed... Scary, man." 

"I can't stay here." That was the one thought resounding in my brain.
"I need to get back. Can we just... Let's go back to the bar, replicate
whatever happened, and get me back through. Can we do that, tonight?
Now?" 

"Mr Mulder, I appreciate what you did for me, but there's no way I'm so
much as going in that bar. I'm back home now and I'm not risking losing
this again. I've got a kid, now. I can't leave him, or Sandy. I can't
risk going through that hell all over again." 
The coffeemaker beeped and he stood. "How do you have it?" 

I brushed the question aside. "You're not going to help me?" 

"I can't, Mr Mulder. I don't want to mess with this any more. I sure am
sorry, but I can't." 

I stood, pushing my chair back from the table, more filled with dread
than anger, though I spoke with quiet determination. "I'll have to do
it myself." 

Ed shook his head helplessly. "I'm sorry, man." 

Sucking in a deep breath, I nodded, trying to sound casual. "Hey, it's
okay. I understand. You should look after your family. I'll figure it
out." 
  

I left the house more unsettled than I had entered it. The task seemed
simple enough - return to the bar, find the tear, get through it. But
fear and guilt were having a screaming match in my skull. I had to
check in on Scully and the kids. I couldn't just leave them to worry. I
had to try and explain this, try to make them understand. 
  

Three am when I returned home. She was asleep on the couch, still
dressed from the day, and woke as I let myself in, getting to her feet
and smoothing her hair, then just standing there, waiting for my
explanation. 

"I need to talk to you," I told her quietly.  

"Okay," she agreed, just as quiet, just as calm. Just holding in an
emotional outburst, I thought, from the way her lips were tightly
pressed together and the stiff way she stood, hugging herself. 

My heart was pounding. I felt so torn, between wanting to comfort her,
this woman who *was* Scully, who was everything I loved and admired
about Scully... and the knowledge that she wasn't mine, that this
wasn't where I belonged.  

I indicated for her to sit and she sank down on the couch again. I
pushed aside some encyclopedias and homework to sit on the coffee
table, opposite her.  

"About four months ago," I began, unable to meet her eyes for fear I
might recognise them but instead gazing at her huge belly, at her hands
as she caressed it. "A psychologist treating a man named Edward Wright
came down to our office, asking us to visit Ed, who was
institutionalised." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"You were there." 

She narrowed her eyes. "Mulder..." 

"You were there. You went with me to the Brochard Institute to visit
Ed. You thought he was just delusional, even after we found evidence
that there was a tear, a sort of doorway connecting our world and the
one he had come from *this* world." 

"Mulder -" 

"We went back to visit him again and he pulled your gun on you. Wanted
you to get him out of the nut house. I was outside, worried for you,
for our unborn child, our unborn *daughter*. We stormed in and we
arrested Ed. He hadn't harmed you. You were shaken but you were brave.
They put Ed in a closed ward, after that, and we thought that was the
end of things, til he got let out, and he came to see me. I was out
jogging, on Wednesday morning, and Ed approached me, asking me to help
him get home, to get back here." 

"Mulder, no! Just stop it! I can't hear this." She pushed herself
upright, starting to pace, crying. "I don't know whether you really
believe this, and if so, *why* you believe it, or if this is just some
stupid trick you're playing on me, and God knows I have no idea why
you'd do something like that to me, but I can't think of any other
explanation... Oh, God, please..." 

I wanted to stand, wanted so badly to comfort her, but I couldn't. She
wasn't mine to comfort.  

"Oh God," she muttered again, looking heavenward as if in prayer
through her tears. "Oh God, please..." 

"I'm sorry." I understood as I spoke the words how incompetent Ed
Wright must have felt telling me the exact same thing. "I'm sorry,
Scully, but I need you to believe me. I'm not lying. I'm not -" I broke
off as Erin ran in. 

"Daddeeeeeeeeeee!" she shrieked, running toward me, throwing her arms
around my legs. I swallowed, my mind afire with panicky thoughts and
arguments. Scully didn't understand this, how could I possibly expect a
two year old to? But the alternative, to let her think that I was her
father... but I *was* her father. She *was* my daughter, my beautiful,
bright-eyed, red-haired little girl. It was crazy, as though I'd been
faced with a clone of her, of my life. What the hell was I supposed to
do? It was just crazy. I felt as though I were in a hall of mirrors.  

I tried to prise her off me and discovered I was shaking. "Go back to
bed, monkey." 

"Daddy and Mommy not in bed." 

"No, but Astrid and Josh are. Go on, Monkey." 

"No! Nooooo! Monkey not wanna -" 

"Erin! Come here." Scully bent to tug Erin toward her, giving me the
same sort of wary, suspicious glance a mother would if their child was
beckoned by a stranger. Erin was confused by Scully's tone and actions
and pouted, thinking she was going to be reprimanded. 

"I think we left Mr Tom asleep on Mommy and Daddy's bed," Scully said
gently. "Why don't you go give him a cuddle? Then you go back to bed." 

It wasn't often that Erin was encouraged to seek out the kitten - she
was more often stopped from terrrorising it. She grinning and ran out
of the room. My heart was pumping so fast I felt sure it would
explode.  

Scully stared at me, lips set, poise recovered, just barely. "She's
your little girl." 

"She's not mine." 

"She was born April sixth, two thousand and two. Erin Scully. We
couldn't decide on a middle name so we didn't give her one. Jacqui
helped us conceive. Erin wouldn't have existed, otherwise. You know
this, Mulder. We almost lost her to the leukemia. We still don't know
what brought her back. You can't tell me that you don't know this -" 

I shook my head again. "She's not mine, Scully. You're not. None of
this is. There's an identical world, near-identical, and you exist
there, you and Astrid and Josh and Erin and the x-files and Jacqueline
and her kids and Graham and everything else you see. These two worlds
exist - maybe more - because when a cop named Lance Wessex got shot
thirty years ago the world split into two, creating one world where he
survived, this world, and in other where he died. But something went
wrong during the split and these two worlds didn't get properly
separated like they should have. They're still connected, by some sort
of tear, a doorway... I don't know exactly. But Ed and I got through
it, and now I have to get back." 

"Mulder, you're not going anywhere. I..." She just stared at me,
helpless. "I don't know what to do. I'm worried about you." 

"You have to believe me, Scully. You have to trust me that -" 

"Mulder, I'm due in a week! We can't afford for you to be acting crazy
like this!" 

"I'm telling you the truth." 

"I can't just accept that. I mean, if you're not the Mulder that I have
worked with for over ten years and lived with for the last five, if
you're not him, where is he? Huh?" 

Oh merciful - I felt my heart sinking. What if it was true? How was I
supposed to make such an impossible choice? 

I stood, silent, and she threw up her arms in despair. "I've been up
all night. I'm going to bed." She headed toward the door then stopped.
She looked like such a scared little girl, it broke my heart. "I need
you to promise me something, Mulder. I need you to promise me you won't
do anything crazy, that you won't do *anything* without telling me
first." 

I nodded. I needed to think before I did anything. "I promise," I told
her softly. And I would keep that promise. I couldn't do anything to
hurt her more.  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

Photos. Video footage. Thermal heat images. Seismic activity readouts.
Witness reports. Hundreds of pages, all piled on the kitchen table, out
of order after having been sifted through again and again. The thousand
piece jigsaw puzzle the kids were putting together, their latest craze,
was pushed aside, covered over with plates of half-eaten meals and
scribbled notes.  

S&G, the bar on Jefferson Avenue outside of which Mulder's car had been
found, inside of which Mulder and Ed Wright had been seen setting up a
laser grid to illuminate an impossible tear and then tossing objects
through, was closed by the FBI. I'd gone to see it, taking the kids
along with me, using my FBI clearance to get us past the agent sitting
guard. They were keeping it from the press, for now. I think they were
holding out until they understood it. I didn't like their chances. A
team of physicists had been there for two days, documenting,
theorising. Nobody knew what to make of the phenomenen. 
  

There was blood on the floor. It had been discovered by the police,
already at the scene to investigate the smashed window of the antique
shop and then summoned by the manager of the S&G, who had been at a
loss what to do after the men who had ordered the bar empty had
suddenly disappeared. The blood had been analysed - it was Ed's. Mulder
and Ed's fingerprints were all over the place, Mulder's on each of the
small lasers used to make a light grid, knocked from their careful
placements. There was smashed glass and bourbon on the floor,
shoeprints. There'd been a scuffle. Maybe Ed had taken Mulder somewhere
else. He was a big man. He could be holding Mulder hostage. But why?
Frustration at not being able to get home? 

"Mommy? Why are you up?" 

It was Astrid. Standing in the old t-shirt and boxer shorts she wore as
pajamas, hair mussed, she rubbed at her eyes.  

"I couldn't sleep." 

She frowned. "Did you even try?" 

I held her gaze. "Why are you awake?" 

"Josh and I could hear you crying." 

"I wasn't crying," I told her softly. 

"Not out loud." 

I beckoned her closer and she climbed on the chair next to me, leaning
toward me. I put an arm around her, letting her nestle against me,
resting my cheek on her hair. I was tired. I was barely thinking
straight. But I couldn't just stop. I had to get him back.  

"You think that Mr Wright abducted Daddy," she muttered. "You can't
think that. You know it's not true." 

"Sweetie-" 

"You know the truth, Mommy. I know you do. And sometimes you let
yourself believe it but othertimes, like now, you try so hard to think
of another explanation. But you're just wasting your time. You know
where he really is." 

I tried to swallow the lump that climbed back up in my throat. "I don't
know how to get him back. I don't understand it... I can't think the
way he would." 

"I don't think even Daddy really understands how this works." Astrid
sniffled, sounding as if she was as close to tears as I felt. She
pulled away from me, rubbing her eyes dry as she stood. "You have to
get some sleep, Mommy. You have to." 

"I know." 

"You say you know but you're not doing it! Mommy! I know you're trying
hard to find Daddy but you're just scaring us. We don't want something
going wrong with the baby, or with you. If you get sick.... If
something happens to you..." She was starting to cry again. "We can't
lose both of you! It's hard enough not having Daddy here but we won't
make it by ourselves. We need you... Please, Mommy... If something
happens to you and he doesn't come back..." 

"Oh, Astrid..." I was a little stunned by her fear, and chilled by it.
I hadn't dare consider the idea that Mulder might not return. The
question in my mind was when and how we could get him back. But the
kids seemed almost to think - 
I stretched out to her and she let me hug her tightly, both of us
crying. "He'll come back, Astrid." 

"You can't know that for certain." 

"He got through. There's no reason why he can't get back." 

She pulled away, her face tearstreaked. "If he can get back, then why
isn't he back already?" 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- JACQUELINE POV - 

Dana was still asleep when I dropped in Sunday morning, adding to the
freezerful of casserole dinners supplied by her mom. Josh was up,
feeding Erin her breakfast. Josh looked terrible, as though he hadn't
slept the past forty-eight hours. Even Erin was quiet. There was an air
almost of mourning in the apartment. 
"How's Dana?" I asked Josh, letting Noah down to play with Erin's toys
and switching the TV on for Ebony. "Is she taking care of herself and
the baby?" 

"Not properly." He gazed at me, a little boy once again with the weight
of the world on his shoulders. Man of the house. "She didn't go to bed
until four." 

I nodded. I wasn't sure what sort of role I was supposed to play,
whether I needed to step in and lay down the law to Dana. She knew how
important it was she take care of herself. She wasn't stupid enough to
jeopardize her pregnancy. She was so close... just not close enough, I
knew. She desperately needed for the baby to be born, because in her
state she couldn't do anything more than supervise the search for Fox
from the distance. But I also knew how badly she wanted him to be there
for the delivery. 

"Where's Astrid?" 

"Mommy's room. Making sure she sleeps." 

I smiled, touched by their strong loyalty. They loved Fox and Dana so
much. I wondered what sort of lengths they would go to to protect them.
Something told me that Josh in particular would give his life for them.
That thought scared me a litte.  

I watched as he cleaned Erin up and let her down to play. "Do you want
me to check on Dana?" 

He shook his head. "She'll be okay." 

"If you need help, you know you can just call me. You and Astrid don't
have to do this by yourselves." 

"We can manage." His voice trembled even as he spoke the words. Though
Josh had spent so much of his life afraid of one thing or another, it
hadn't been since Erin's leukemia that I'd felt so much fear in him. He
honestly didn't know whether Fox was coming back or not. And with Dana
only days away from delivering, he and Astrid were left almost to cope
by themselves.  

I knelt down and opened my arms to him, holding his tiny shaking body
against me. If you ever need a hug, Joshie, that's enough reason to
call. 

He clung to me for a minute or two, not crying but silent. Then he
pulled away, and quietly left the room.  
Erin squealed. Noah cried. He'd touched one of her towtrucks and she'd
fiercely pulled it from his grip. "Erin!" I frowned. "Don't you want to
share your trucks with Noah?" 

"Monkey's trucks!" 

"You won't let Noah play with one, just for a little while? I bet he'd
like it if you shared." 

"No, Monkey's!" 

"Duckie?" Josh patted me on the shoulder and I turned to face him. He
held out a thick bound book. A bible. "You don't have to read all of
it. Just some." 

"Joshie..." I didn't want to. I didn't want to deal with it. 

"Please?"  

I grudgingly took it from him, weighing it in my hands. I flipped open
the front cover. "This is yours, Josh. I can't take it." 

"Just read some, then you can give it back." 

I flipped through the book helplessly, seeing the neatly hi-lighted
passages, some notes in Josh's handwriting. Read 'some'? Where would I
start? At the very beginning?  

"Forget the old testament, for the moment. Start with Matthew or John,
one of the gospels. Then Romans. If you like that, try another of
Paul's letters." He was looking at me so earnestly, so pleadingly, that
all I could do was nod. 

"I can't promise anything, Josh, but I'll read them." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

I'd been depressed. The fact that my wedding ring no longer fit because
my fingers were so swollen, maybe. Then I'd walked into the living room
and found Astrid, Erin, Josh and Mulder all in sunglasses with their
hair slicked back, dancing and singing along to 'Wild Thing' for me.
I'd almost cried, I was so touched by the gesture, silly as it was,
because they'd seen I needed something and they'd cared enough to come
up with such a beautiful gift. Mulder with a cheesy grin and off-key
singing as he strummed an invisible guitar... Oh, God, Mulder... 

"Mommy!!" 

I snapped my head up, realising I'd fallen asleep at the kitchen table,
bent over the notes. I glanced at Erin, then at the clock. Two-twenty
in the afternoon. I'd gotten out of bed just past eleven and already I
was falling asleep again? 

"Mommy!!" Erin tugged at my shirt and I patted the chair next to me for
her to climb up, swinging myself sideways to face her. Settling herself
down, she frowned, reaching out a finger to poke me. "Daddy's..." 

I was wearing one of Mulder's shirts, sleeves rolled up. It had just
been there when I'd gone to find something to wear after my shower, and
it had felt so cool against my skin. It smelt of him, of having him
close.  

"Yeah, it's Daddy's," I admitted. "You don't know where Daddy is, do
you sweetie?" None of us had made more than one-sentence efforts to
explain the situation to her - we hadn't had the patience or strength.
The poor little girl had spent the last two days being told that Daddy
was coming home 'later', that 'Daddy's away for a little bit'. Trusting
as she was, she seemed to know instinctively that it was more than
that.  

"Daddy gone way?" Erin offered.  

"Yeah, Daddy's gone away. See, Daddy got himself a little bit lost, and
so Mommy and Astrid and Josh are trying to find him." 

"Mommy sad...?" 

"Yeah. We're a little sad that he's lost. But we're going to find him
again, I promise." 

"Me help? Me find Daddy?" 

"Mommy!" Astrid bounced up impatiently. "I need to use your computer to
print." She grabbed the laptop I'd been using to get updates for the
bureau, swivelling it so that it faced her and shoving a disk in the
drive, hitting the keys as though she had a personal vendetta against
each and every letter. This morning she'd suddenly decided to tackle an
essay due in - needing to release some pent-up nervous energy, I
guessed. She'd been tapping away in her bedroom for hours, growling in
frustration, bouncing a basketball a la Mulder. I hadn't dared to
venture in, even at the sound of something glass shattering. Astrid was
best left alone when she was in a mood. 

I watched as she ran off again, hair flying. She'd been wearing the
same grubby pair of jeans for the past two or three days. When was the
last time I'd done a load of washing? 

The laptop beeped and I swung it back to face me, reading the popup
message. "Do you want to overwrite the existing copy?" I yelled out to
Astrid.  

Oh God. 

I didn't hear Astrid's reply. My mind was suddenly roaring with
possibility. If it were true, that there were two worlds, and there was
an Ed in each world, then what had happened to this Ed when the other
one fell through? What if only one copy of a person could exist in a
world at once? If Mulder got through to the other world, then already
he would have overwritten the Mulder existing there. Two become one...
One Mulder was already lost forever. Oh God. Was it possible? Or was it
just crazy science fiction, as I'd called it once? Yet as impossible as
it sounded, as far outside of the laws if physics it was, I knew it was
true. There was only one Mulder for two worlds. Somebody was going to
miss out. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

The sheets were too warm. My skin was crawling, itching with sweat. I
shifted, lifting my head to turn the pillow over to try the other side.
The cotton was cool against my cheek for a few beautiful seconds, then,
my body heat absorbed, it was warm again. I rotated it, finding a cool
spot, only for it too to wither away and die. 

The baby was quiet, finally, but I couldn't sleep myself. I drew myself
upright cautiously, and stood, pausing a second to sigh at my
reflection. I hadn't gained this much weight with Erin. Was it because
I was older, now? I felt old. So very old.  

I went to the window, pulling the billowing curtains aside. There was a
breeze outside and though it wasn't doing much to cool the apartment,
it felt good on my bare arms and face. I stood, hands on my hips,
rocking on my heels with that endless barely restrained apprehension as
I gazed out. Where was he? Was he standing at the same window in
another world, wondering how to get back to me? How was I supposed to
get him back? It was impossible enough without the hindrance of being
nine months pregnant. If only he'd never gone with Ed Wright in the
first place. If only he'd been more careful...  

Please God... I closed my eyes, and clenched my fists at my sides.
Please, God, just bring him home safely. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

Choices are never easy, least of all those that decide the course of
one's future. A night of pacing and I still felt no closer to a
decision. If anything, the task only seemed more impossible.  

She was watching me. Wearing that robe that Astrid got her for mother's
day. It was all so unsettlingly real, so ordinary. Erin was sitting at
the table eating cornflakes, drinking orange juice from her well-loved
spill-proof cup. Astrid and Josh were still asleep. They had to be up
in half an hour for school.  Astrid's completed history essay sat on
the kitchen table. Due in today. Scully would still be asleep too, if
not for me. She'd sat watching me for hours last night, and then woken
again an hour ago. But even the frown and concern in her eyes was
familiar. It was all so very real, because it was. It was as real as my
world was, as incomprehensible as that seemed. If only, like Ed, there
was a vast distinction between the worlds. In one he had everything, in
the other he had nothing. Whereas I had the same in both... almost.
Little differences, like a picture hung in a different place on the
wall, an unfamiliar book on my shelf, an unrecognisable brand of soda
pop in the fridge. Differences seemingly unconnected to the life of
Lance Wessex, but the result of an alternate chain of events triggered
by the man's survival thirty years ago. Every conversation he had ever
had, every life he had saved or crime he had prevented or maybe even
every cup of coffee he ever drank or donut he ever ate... it all led to
something. To a friend finding the courage to publish a book. To
somebody getting a promotion. Another person in a bank queue resulting
in somebody missing a train and being yelled at by their wife for being
late and emotionally scarring their child for life. To the exact moment
our child was conceived, that it became a boy and not a girl. In a
ghastly way, it was amazing, a fascinating study on the chain of
events.  

Boy or girl? Was that all I had to weigh up here? Virtually everything
else in my life was identical. Was I supposed to choose whether to
return or stay based only on whether I wanted to play teaparties or
baseball? It was crazy. It was inhuman. How could I make that choice?
How could I live with the knowledge that my family was waiting and
grieving for me in one world while I lived out the rest of my days in
another? I couldn't. It would haunt me. There had to be another way.  

The sun came up. I sat back as Scully cleaned Erin up after her
breakfast, letting her off to play. Scully wiped the table down, rinsed
the bowl and spoon, then went to wake the kids for school. She didn't
seem to want to sit down again. That had been awkward. I felt like a
stranger. Somehow it was easier to feel that way. I knew she didn't
understand that. 

I heard showers running. Josh wandered out, gazed at me for several
seconds in obvious consternation, then retreated again. I wondered what
he made of it all. He knew something was wrong. Did he know what? 

Scully reappeared, showered, wet hair combed down. I didn't say
anything and she didn't either, only glanced at me, still obviously
concerned. Astrid was out only a minute later, getting her breakfast
ready. She knew something was up, too. Nobody said anything. It felt
crazy. I felt as though I were watching actors in a long-running serial
suddenly left without a script or director but with the cameras still
rolling. They were all at a loss. Except Erin, that was. She was
running crazily around and around the coffee table, doing some sort of
dance, singing and shrieking to herself.  
Glancing across, Scully's eyes widened as she saw what Erin was doing. 

"Erin, watch out for -" 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

A smash. Astrid's science project, with its dozens of tediously glued
plastic funnels and flags and runways. Now a splintered mess under
Erin.  
"Erin!" Astrid yelled. "Stupid! You're a stupid little-" 

"Astrid!" I shouted, surprising myself with my anger. Erin started
crying but it only grated on my nerves all the more. "Stop it, Erin!
You're a big girl, you don't have to cry over everything!" 

"Mommy, she broke it! She ruined it, totally!" 

"There are more important things to deal with, Astrid!" I snapped. I
took a step back, needing to escape the tears and cloying need. I
couldn't handle petty problems. My mind just wouldn't stretch that far.
Another step back, then I just turned and fled the room. 
  

Josh found me crying under a cold shower. He didn't say anything, just
crouched beside me, the edge of the shower spray hitting his pajama
t-shirt as he gazed at me with those grave eyes. Slumped down, hugging
my knees as I sobbed, I couldn't have handled anything. He knew that.
He knew how scared I was, that I got more scared with every day and
hour that passed that we'd never get him back. He knew how frustrated I
was, how hampered I was by my pregnancy, how afraid I was that Mulder
wouldn't be back in time, that I'd have to have this baby without him. 

Josh, so tiny but so strong, helped me to my feet. He handed me a
towel, sitting on the edge of the tub, watching as I dried myself and
stood staring at my reflection in the mirror.  

"He'll come back." 

I turned to face him. "How can you be so sure?" Was he getting some
sort of reading, a signal? 

He shook his head. "No. But I know Daddy. He'll come back." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

Erin was still crying, upset at being snapped at, confused that nobody
was willing to comfort her. Scully was stressed and short-tempered and
Astrid and Josh were both hanging back, keeping their distance from me.
I almost felt as though the three of them were just pretending I wasn't
there.  

"Josh," I called him softly.  

Scully turned to face me, suspicious, then glanced at Josh. In the
middle of buttering his toast, he stopped and stared at me. 

Josh, I need your help. 

He frowned, looking to Scully, then back to me. Was he hearing me?  

Josh? Do you understand me? I need your help. You know something's
wrong. Mom doesn't believe it but you know it's wrong. 

"Mulder!" Scully called my name sharply. She knew what I was doing. She
didn't like it. 

Josh, I need you to help me on this. Mom doesn't believe me. You need
to help me. You've gotta tell her I'm for real. 

"I can't," he whispered. 

"Mulder!" she called again. 

Please, Josh. Just tell her that I'm telling the truth. 

He shook his head, distressed. "I can't..." 

"Josh, go get ready for school." 

I watched him run from the room, then stared through the doorway after
him, not wanting to meet Scully's gaze. 

"I don't know what game you're playing, Mulder, but I don't want you
dragging the kids into it, you understand me?" Her eyes were blazing.
She was furious.  

I stood. I had to do something. I couldn't just sit here, trying to
make an impossible decision. "I have to go." I went right up to her and
cupped her cheeks, kissing her lightly on the lips. Goodbye? No, I
couldn't think that way. 

I released her and headed for the door. 

"Mulder, you're not going!" 

I pulled my shoes on, then grabbed my wallet, phone and keys.  

"Mulder!" 

"I'll see you soon." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

Josh and I stayed home from school. I got the day off I'd wanted, but
everybody at home was so sad and so tense that I would rather have been
at school, anyway. Stupid irony. 

I found Mommy asleep in the rocker in Erin's room, with Erin asleep
against her, curled up around Mommy's tummy. Though I wanted to talk to
her, to be reassured that everything would be okay, I was glad at least
that Mommy was sleeping. Duckie had come over to check her over and
told Mommy that she needed more rest.  

I sat down beside the crib. Mommy had taken the mattress out to
discourage Erin from wanting to still sleep in it, but it hadn't made
much difference. Erin usually ended up in Mommy and Daddy's bed. She
didn't like it in my room. I wished I didn't have to share it with her.
I hadn't minded sharing a room with Josh but it was different with
Erin. She was still a baby. 

Where are you Daddy? I wanted to scream it out as loudly as I could, so
that wherever he was, even if he was in another dimension, he would
hear me and come back. Why wasn't he coming back? Didn't he know how
much we needed him here? Things were falling apart. It wouldn't be so
bad if this baby wasn't so close... 

Mommy jolted, as if some nightmare had just woken her. She looked
around, blinking, almost as if she was panicking. She looked at me,
confused, sleepy. "Astrid? What are you doing here?" 

I shrugged. Why wouldn't I be there? 

Mommy looked around, then down at Erin. She hadn't woken up. She was
drooling over Mommy's tummy. Mommy let out a sigh, almost of relief,
then she leaned her head back. Her face was all screwed up, as if she
was in so much pain she was about to cry. Staring at the ceiling, she
made a sort of whimper. "I had a bad dream." 

I stood up, but kept my back to the wall. I felt all shaky. Why did
Daddy have to be gone now, when Mommy was so vulnerable? We needed her
to be strong. We couldn't do it without her. 

She sighed again, sounding as shaky as I felt. "I need to go into the
office." 

"Mommy, you can't! Duckie says you have to rest." 

"Don't argue with me, Astrid. Please." 

"Mommy, it's a hundred degrees out there. You don't want to go
outside!" 

"We have to find him." She sounded quiet, sad, as if she didn't have
much hope but she had to try anyway. 

"Mommy, please..." Just stay home and be strong for us. That's enough.
Daddy can find his own way home. He can do it. He always does. 

Mommy beckoned for me to come take Erin, then pushed herself to her
feet. "I'm going to get changed. You and Josh can stay here and mind
Erin." 

"No. We're coming with you." 

"Astrid -" 

"We're not letting you go alone." 

She looked at me sadly, then sighed. I knew what she was thinking -
that I was just like Daddy. 

"We're coming with you," I repeated, and she nodded. She knew I wasn't
going to back down. 

"Just give me a couple of minutes to change." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

It was half-past two when we turned up at the bureau, the kids huddled
around me, Josh on one side and Astrid on the other, holding Erin.
Skinner frowned when he saw me. He put on a tight smile to greet the
kids but then pulled me aside. 
"You shouldn't be here, Scully! You're due in a matter of days. You
should be home resting." 

"I'll rest when I find Mulder." 

"Listen to me, Scully - This isn't the first time Mulder has run off in
pursuit of a case and it won't be the last. You need to let us do our
job. We'll find him. You look after yourself and your family." 

I was so sick of being told the same thing over and over. Rest. Take
care of myself. Don't worry. I couldn't not worry. I was just so damn
tired of the same shallow instructions. 

I stared at him, refusing to back down. "Every other time Mulder has
run off he's needed me to save his ass. This time won't be any
different." 

"The FBI has two teams of agents looking for leads as well as video
surveillance on the Jefferson Avenue bar. As soon as anything happens,
I'll be notified, and you'll be the first person I call." 

"That's not enough! I need to be here." 

"No." He glanced out the window. "If you leave now, you should be home
before the storm hits." 

Storm? I looked out the large plate glass window. The sky was filling
with dark, angry clouds. I hadn't noticed. No wonder it had been so
humid outside. 

I sighed, out of energy to argue. "Can I access the video surveillance
from home?" 

"One of the techs could probably hook you up. I'll look into it." 

"I'll stay until you find out." 

"We'll send somebody to your place as soon as possible. Go home, Dana."

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

"Okay, another idea. Cloning. What if, somehow, we get doubles made of
ourselves, one for each world? If we could find some way of doing that
-" 

"Mr Mulder, I know I'm not the smartest cookie in the jar but what
you're talking about... it really *is* science fiction. It's just not
possible, not the way you're talking, anyway. Hey, buddy, look at you!"
He reached across to his son, just waking up in the bassinet. Sandra
had gone out grocery shopping and Ed, left responsible for the infant
for the first time, was having trouble concentrating on anything else. 

I shifted on the chair impatiently, knowing that Ed, with everything in
one world and nothing in another, didn't share my situation, but
wishing that despite that he would at least try to help. I needed some
sort of solution, something better than just having to choose, and I
needed the solution soon. I wanted to be home for my daughter's birth. 

Another idea struck me. "What if somehow we could merge the two worlds?
They didn't split properly, so they're still connected - what if they
can be fused together again, made as one?" 

"But you said that two of the same can't exist in one world, right? So
one world would overwrite the other. Which one would survive?" 

"Just like in nature, I guess. Survival of the fittest. I don't know.
Maybe it would happen on a case by case basis. I don't understand it
any more than you do, Ed. It's all guesswork. But I think it's right,
regardless of whether or not we can explain it. And I think we have to
try." 

"Not if I lose Sandy again. No way. I'm not going through that. Mr
Mulder, you have everything here. Can't you just be happy with that?" 

"I don't belong here, Ed. Any more than you did in my world. You know
how it feels to be stuck somewhere you don't belong." 

"I do and I'm not going back to that, Mr Mulder! You've got everything
the same here. Just stay." 

How simple it seemed. But I knew I could never just accept that. Scully
and the kids needed me and I wasn't there. I couldn't live with that
knowledge. 
"I can't," I said quietly. I stood, touched Ed on the shoulder, and
left. 
  

It was starting to rain outside. Storm clouds had gathered and the
weather had turned. The pelting raindrops hit my head and neck,
refreshing after the warmth of the day. I was in the car, keys in the
ignition, before I realised I didn't yet know where to go next.  

I sat, drumming on the steering wheel. The world had split into two the
night Lance Wessex was shot, as he lay on the hospital table. What had
happened to warp that split, that the separation was incomplete? Some
event massive enough to disrupt whatever metaphysical law the split
adhered to. What had happened the night Lance Wessex died? 
  

Despite my FBI credentials I was pointed to a row of chairs and told to
wait. Soaked wet after running from my car to the front door, I chose
to stand rather than sit. There was a missing persons board and out of
habit I started reading through the reports, searching for anything
unusual. Nothing grabbed my attention, but a sudden thought entered my
mind, silencing all others. What if Ed wasn't the first person to ever
fall through the tear, or any other like it? How many people could have
fallen through and never realised, because their lives were identical?
It was a stunning thought. How many families were searching and
grieving for a relative living in happy ignorance in another world? 

"Agent Mulder?" 

Still trying to comprehend the enormity of the idea, I turned to face
the constable, reaching to show my ID again. "I need access to your
files." 
  

I'd already read the report of the drug raid, but the content and
detail this time were far different, and included a statement from
Lance Wessex, written as he recovered in hospital following his
surgery. The report detailed the strategy and events of the raid as
well as original statements in regard to suspicions that large
quantities of drugs were being dealed at the bar and details of past
raids at that same bar. 'That' bar being the S&G on Jefferson Avenue. 

Had the original report mentioned that fact? Searching my memory, I
felt sure that it hadn't mentioned which bar at all. Had that changed,
the location of the shooting? Or had the name of the bar simply been
left off the report because of classification or incomplete police
work? 

The tear was in the bar. Lance Wessex, the crux of the split, had been
shot in or outside of the bar. There had to be a connection. It was
something that happened, maybe the timing of the bullet or where
exactly he was hit, that created the two different futures, one where
he couldn't be saved, one where he could and was. It wasn't something
that had happened on the operating table. It was something that had
happened in the bar. What could it have been? 

I reread the report. Six armed police officers had been stationed
outside, waiting for a signal. A stormy night, a crack of lightning had
been mistaken for enemy fire, triggering a flurry of shots. The
suspected drug dealers inside had then returned fire, one of them
hitting Officer Wessex in the chest. 

A storm? What if the galeforce pressure had built up had been enough to
cause the anomoly? What if lightning had struck the building? 

I sent the constable for the phone book and then flipped through to
find the number for the bar. The bartender who answered sounded as
though he was barely old enough to be in college and knew nothing about
the bar's past history beyond his three months employment there. Not
willing to give up that easily, I asked him to put the question to any
established-looking patrons. After a few minutes of muffled
conversation, the phone was passed to an old man with a hacking cough
who seemed amused by my question.  
"Sure, we had a lightning strike, back in the sixties. Was the TV
antenna, they reckoned. You should have seen the place. Story is that
the lightning came right through the ceiling and danced, and every
bottle and glass in the place shattered. And the whole thing happened
during a dope raid. What a night. A cop got shot, I remember. I knew
the guy who shot him. Bit of a ratbastard - he dealed to kids and all
that - but he bought me a drink, once. Hung around to watch the races.
Horses, you know. He was a betting man, all right. Not that I didn't
occasionally put down a coupla bucks myself. She's All That... now,
that was a racehorse. She was a beauty. I remember one race -" 

I interrupted him with thanks and hung up, the last piece of the puzzle
falling into place. A lightning strike. That wasn't just a coincidence.
That split second bolt of searing light and heat had interrupted the
separation that was taking place to accommodate Wessex's two futures,
life and death, and kept the two worlds tied together at the tear, the
doorway between worlds.  

I had to close that doorway. Even if I couldn't somehow cause the
worlds to rejoin and become one again, I had to close the doorway and
sever the bridge. There was too much danger in leaving it open for any
drunk fool to stumble through. 

It was still raining outside. I almost cursed the weather before
realising how essential it was to my plan. The clouds were rumbling
ominously, promising a violent skyshow. But the chances of lightning
striking the bar again, on this night, were practically nonexistent. I
needed to attract it, somehow. How? Lightning rods? Where would I find
them? A hardware store? But it was almost five and the stores would be
closing. It was already storming. Would I have enough time? Did I have
any choice? 

Wait til the next storm, my mind suggested, but I brushed the
suggestion aside. These summer storms were often weeks apart. The baby
was due this week. I couldn't miss it. I had to take this chance. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

I got there five minutes after closing. Seeing movement inside, I
stood, wet and dripping, pounding on the large plate glass doors,
trying to get the attention of somebody within. A teenage employee
approached cautiously and I pressed my badge against the window. "FBI!"
I yelled above the noise of the storm. "Let me in!!" 

No lightning rods. The manager looked at me dubiously when I asked what
else would attract lightning. "You mean like a kite or something?" 

"A kite?" I hadn't even considered it, yet any elementary student
studying Benjamin Franklin could have thought of it. A kite? Kites? How
many? What sort of materials would I need? Would it even work? "I need
to conduct the lightning. It would do that?" 

The manager shrugged. "Maybe. Most people I know don't make a habit of
flying kites in thunder storms, but..." 

"How much do you know about kites? Could you help me build one?" 

"Yeah, sure. They're sorta a hobby of mine. ...Now?" 
  

It took the manager, two junior employees and I twenty eight minutes to
gather the materials and construct three large flat kites, each with a
thin string of braided steel, each with an attached wire antennae to
increase chances of a hit. Packing the kites into the back seat of my
car, I realised something - the sky had gone quiet and the rain had
slowed. It was still dark, cloudy and drizzling, but the storm... had
passed? Shit. Shit! What now? I'd missed the opportunity. What could I
do? I couldn't stay here, damnit. I'd go crazy. 

I slammed the door shut and then kicked it, frustrated.  

Clayton Kittleson, the manager, saw my anger. "Wait a sec, buddy...
Which direction are you going in?" 

I turned slowly, trying to get my bearings. "North-west." 

Clayton gazed at the sky for several long seconds, tested the wind
direction, then shook his head. "Nah, you'll be okay. See those darker
clouds over there? They'll be moving right where you need 'em. The wind
is on your side." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Pretty damn sure." He shrugged sheepishly. "Another hobby." He gave me
a shove. "You'd better move fast. You won't have long." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

The access door to the roof was padlocked. Not having the time or
equipment to break the lock, I kicked the door off it's hinges, and
lugged the kites through. Clayton had been right - the storm had only
just arrived here as I'd driven up, and yet again I was at the mercy of
the elements, soaking wet within minutes, my wet clothes weighing me
down as I searched for the best positioning for the kites and went to
work getting them airborne.  

It wouldn't fly. The wind, instead of picking the kite up and letting
it soar, kept pushing it in my face. The cable was getting tangled. I
couldn't remember the trick to getting it up. It had been a long time
since I'd flown a kite. 
I finally got the first one up, cautiously but quickly reeling out the
line, knowing that if lightning struck while I was touching the cable I
could be killed. I watched the kite, buffeted by the wind and the rain.
Thunder cracked and a bolt of lightning shot through the sky in the
distance, then another bolt. I moved to the second kite, knowing I had
to allow myself the biggest possible window. 
  

I'd left the third kite in the car, unable to carry the entire load in
the first place. Pausing by the car, kite in hand, rain pounding me
from all sides, I glanced around at the sky. Dark clouds in all
directions, thunder and lightning still strong. But how much longer
would it last? 

Up the stairs, leaving wet footprints behind me, the tail of the kite
dragging. The two floors above the bar were cheap hotel rooms but the
hallways seemed deserted. I went up to the roof again, the roar of rain
filling my ears as I pushed past the door I'd propped back in place.
The first two kites were still flying, whipping back and forth in the
wind, coming close to colliding but then whisked apart again. Wading
through the rain, I dragged the kite to the third position I'd picked
out, my pulse thudding as I struggled to get it up in the air. I tossed
it up, but the wind pushed it down toward me, again and again.
"Damnit!" I shouted, frustrated. I started to wind the line back in a
little, when suddenly a burst of wind so strong I was almost knocked
over ripped the kite from my hands, rope burn searing my palms.
"Damnit!" I yelled again, wincing at the pain, trying to see the damage
in the dark and the rain.  

A flash of lightning and I felt the ground knocked out from under me. I
hit the ground, hard, pain shooting through my shoulder. Momentarily
thrown, I rolled onto my back, lying in a puddle with rain pelting down
at me. It wasn't the wind that had pushed me down, I realised. It was
something more solid. 

I sat, then started to pull myself to my feet. Pushed again, I stumbled
a few feet but managed to keep upright. Turning, I found myself facing
a huge, heavily tattooed man. It took me a few seconds to realise what
was going on and where I knew him from; I'd arrested the guy for
assault a week ago. I didn't like the look on his face. 

I reached for my weapon and held it steady. "Hold it there." 

A shadow on my right, a sudden impact on my arm and searing pain
blossomed. My gun dropped from my limp fingers and I barely noticed, I
was so overwhelmed by the agony. Had my arm been broken? It felt like
it. I cradled it, gasping for breath, feeling as though I was drowning
in the endless onslaught of rain.  

There were two of them, I realised. Both huge and ugly, and the second
had a baseball bat. I was as good as dead. How did they find me? 

I doubled over at a punch to my solar plexus, stumbled back at one to
the face. Breaking free, but almost broken by pain, struggling to
breathe, I thudded through the puddles toward the door. Realising I
didn't have a chance, I turned, scrambling for the external fire
stairs, and starting down them, gripping the railings with my good arm
as I almost slipped on the wet stairs.  
One or both of them were chasing me. I could feel the rickety stairs
vibrate with every pounding footstep above. I reached a landing and
kept going, but then I did slip, and tumbled, rain and flashes of light
and darkness and pain everywhere, the loud crack of lightning, the
searing light blindingly bright, and then nothing. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- SCULLY POV - 

"Mommy! Mommy!!" I was shaken awake. "Mommy! It's back!" 

I lifted my head groggily. I'd fallen asleep at the kitchen table
again. "What's back?" 

"The signal. Daddy's back..." 

I stared at Josh, suddenly very much awake. "Where? Where is he?" 

"I don't know. But he's here, somewhere. He's close..." 

Reaching for the laptop, I threw the screen up. The box on the screen
where I'd been watching video surveillance of the bar had gone black.
We'd lost the connection. We had to reconnect, to see, to make sure... 
I fumbled for the mouse, clicking the icon, heart pounding as I waited,
listening to the angry beeps and buzzing of the dial up. Come on, come
on, come on... 

The dial up couldn't be completed. Invalid username or password. I
cursed quietly, almost in tears, and tried again, checking the
username, retyping the password. Still, no success. What was going on?
I'd logged in only a few hours ago and sat staring at the image of the
bar, teeming with physicists studying the phenomonem. They thought it
was a sort of wormhole. We hadn't told them about Ed Wright or even
Mulder getting through; they only knew that objects were thrown through
and vanished.  
They hadn't come up with anything conclusive so far. I'd prayed that
they wouldn't. Proof that there were parallel worlds out there would
shake the very core of human existence. This was something better left
as elusive as UFO encounters... 

I tried dialling again. Same again. Had somebody deliberately sabotaged
my connection, to disallow me access? What was going on in the bar? Who
was trying to keep it from me? Skinner? Shielding me against something
I shouldn't see? I needed to know. 

I stood unsteadily, pushing the laptop closed. I had to go see for
myself. There was no other way of knowing for sure.  

I wouldn't wait for a cab. I could drive myself. It wasn't far. I could
manage okay... 

"You shouldn't go," Josh whispered, pleading with me.  

I awkwardly pulled on sneakers and reached for my car keys and cell
phone. "You and Astrid stay here. I'll call as soon as I know
anything." 

Astrid was barring my way out. "You're not supposed to drive! Can't you
call Duckie or Kathy or Grandma or even just wait for a cab?" 

What if Mulder was hurt? What sort of physiological effect would going
through the tear have had on him? Ed Wright hadn't seemed to have any
problems, but he had been younger, and we'd seen him after only going
through once. Mulder had made a return trip.  

"Stay here," I told her brusquely, not wanting to waste time arguing,
afraid to admit that she was right. I shouldn't be driving. But I'd
hardly been adhering to the rules the last week. 
  

I had to readjust the seat and then I could barely reach the pedals.
The rain was still sloshing down and that, combined with my
apprehension and not having driven for a while, I got honked twice and
then almost ran a red light.  
"Calm down," I pleaded with myself, shaken. I would cause an accident
if I didn't. 

I pulled up outside the bar in a no-parking zone, struggling to get out
of the car, literally shaking with nerves, trying desperately to stay
in control. 
The scientists were gone. The FBI guard and barrier were gone. The bar
was filled with after-work drinkers in wrinkled suits and loosened
ties, standing around in a crowded circle, drinks left behind on the
counter. When had the bar been re-opened? Why hadn't I been told? And
why were these people all just standing there? What were they looking
at? Was it him? I pushed my way through, almost spilling several
people's drinks as I did.  

Mulder. It was him. Flat on his back on the floor, soaking wet, a
bloody nose. He was still, so still. I couldn't see his chest moving.
The crowd stood around him, staring down, muttering. Why weren't they
doing anything? Was he dead? Oh God, please don't let him be dead. God,
please, I'll do anything, just don't let him be dead... 
Somebody tried to push me back but I fought my way closer. "I'm a
doctor! Let me through! Is he okay? Is he hurt? How bad is he?" 

I kneeled beside him, touching his cold jaw, finding a strong pulse. He
was alive. I felt weak with relief Thank God. But what had happened? 

Touching his shoulder, I shook him. "Mulder! Mulder!" 

He stirred and I shook him harder. His eyes opened and he looked at me
blearily, disoriented. His lips moved as he struggled to talk but no
words came out. I looked him up and down, at the blood washed all over
him by the rain. He was dazed, wincing as he tried to move.  

"Stay still," I soothed him. "Don't try to move." I looked up at the
crowd, still watching. "Somebody call 911! And give me some space!
Somebody find me a blanket." He was sopping wet and cold.  

"Where am I?" His voice was a hoarse whisper, his lips cracked and dry.
I took the fire blanket somebody tossed me and started to tuck it
around him. 

"We're in the bar, on Jefferson Avenue. Track my finger." 

"Which world? Where's Ed?" 

I chose to answer the second question rather than the first. "Ed's
missing. You were missing, too. You're home now." 

"Did I fix it?" He mumbled the question, obviously in pain, still
dazed.  

I ignored that question, too. "What happened, Mulder?" 

"I got beat up. Up on the roof." 

"What roof? What were you doing up on a -" I winced at a sharp pain,
falling back a little and shooting out a hand to balance myself as I
sucked in a deep breath. Oh God, no. Not now. 
One thousand, two thousand, three thousand. Teeth gritted, breath held,
I put my hand to my stomach. Not now, little girl. Please not now. 

"You okay lady?" A voice behind me. 

"Scully?" Mulder lifted his head, a sort of dazed panic in his eyes. He
started to ease himself upright but, pain passing, I pushed him back
down again, one hand pinning him down as I exhaled, forcing myself to
relax. 

"I think that was a contraction," I whispered, head swimming. I shook
myself, took another breath, then went back to checking him over.
"Where does it hurt?" 

"Scully, you've gone white." 

"I'm okay," I lied. I had to be in control. Some of the crowd had
dispersed but others had moved closer. "I need some space. Where's that
ambulance?" 

"I think I'm okay, Scully. Just a little bru- Ouchh!" I lifted up the
shirt to see what I'd prodded and winced. He had an ugly bruise on his
belly. 

"You took one to the solar plexus, huh? That must have hurt." 

"How far apart are they?" 

I'd moved on to search for head wounds. "What?" 

"The contractions. How far apart?" 

"That was the first. I was getting some backpain, but I thought it was
because I hadn't been sleeping properly..." I found a nasty bump at the
back of his head, several days old by the look of it. From when he'd
disappeared? I checked his pupils again. 

"Looked pretty bad for the first." 

"What?" 

"For the first contraction." 

"They came on fast with-" I broke off, unable to help a cry as pain
surged through me. I doubled over, teeth gritted, eyes shut, trying to
remember my breathing. Something was wrong. There had been barely a
minute since the last one and they were too strong. There was something
wrong.  
I groaned. I couldn't cope with this. God, I couldn't go through this. 

His hand found mine. Cold as it was, I held on tightly, almost crying
as I heard his whispered crooning in my ear. "Easy, easy... You can do
it. Nice and easy..." 

It passed and I almost sobbed with relief. Voices behind us, the crowd
pushed back as EMTs came through, tugging us apart. Shaky but free of
pain, I tried to find my voice, tried to be calm. 
"He's dehydrated, body temp is low. Possible head trauma, unknown
period of unconsciousness, abdominal bruising, possible right radial
fracture..." 

Mulder was pushing them away. "I'm okay. You need to help her. She's
having contractions. They're hardly a minute apart and they're coming
on way too strong." 

"How far along are you, ma'am?" 

I was hyperventilating. I knew I had to slow it down. Nice and easy. In
and out. "Thirty-seven weeks. Due next Tuesday." 

"When did the contractions start?" 

"About five minutes ago. My water hasn't broken yet." 

"More like three minutes," Mulder corrected, cursing as the second EMT
put a temporary splint on his arm.  

"We need to slow 'em down, unless you want to deliver on a bar room
floor." An oxygen mask was put on me. It caught in my hair. I put a
hand to it, holding it in place, and trying to keep my breathing even,
knowing that he was right.  

Protesting that Mulder needed help more than I did, I was shifted onto
a guerney, packed into the back of the ambulance. Mulder, wet, bloody
clothes hanging off him and arm splinted, insisted on sitting in the
back with me, his good hand gripping mine as the doors were slammed
closed and the engine started. "Keep your breathing steady. Nice and
even. We're in no rush, right? Just taking our time." 

I nodded, just barely holding back the tears, still not entirely
certain that he was really back and overwhelmed by the sudden chain of
events. I wasn't ready for this. 

Another contraction, just as strong as the last. I bit my lip hard,
knowing that if I so much as let myself cry out the floodgates would be
open and every second of fear and anger and uncertainty of the last
week would drown me. I had to be brave. I could get through it, as long
as I kept calm, kept my head. Pain management. Just had to keep my
breathing steady.  
  

Hospital. Faces and voices, all of it a blur, and me writhing in pain
that made my head spin. Me on monitors, the baby on monitors.
Contraction after contraction, short and sharp, I began to lose track
of them, with every one certain that I couldn't survive the next. 

"Your baby is coping okay for the moment, Dana, but if she gets any
more distressed we're going to take you for a c-section. Right now
we're just trying to slow the contractions in hope that you can deliver
naturally." 

They were trying to pull Mulder away from me to fix him up but he was
refusing to budge from my bedside, going so far as to yell at a nurse
who tried to pull him away. I needed to talk to him badly but I
couldn't think beyond the pain. He was back. That was as far as my mind
could stretch. He was back and he would be here for his daughter's
birth. Thank you God. Thank you.. 

The contractions slowed and lessened in ferocity. Able to relax a
little, my mind clearing enough for me to be concerned about his
injuries, I sent Mulder away to get cleaned up. He returned, stitched
and bandaged, trailing an IV. 
He smiled sheepishly as he eased himself down on the edge of my bed.
"They wanna admit me overnight for observation." 

"Did they take some x-rays on your arm?" 

"Yeah, but I heard a nurse bitching that x-ray is all backed up so I
figured I had some time to roam the halls in this fetching outfit. We
need to do the matching wardrobe thing more often, Scully." 

I smiled weakly, realising that we were alone for the first time since
he'd returned. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know where to start.

He gazed at me, more serious. "It's been a crazy couple of days, huh?" 

"I guess you could say that, yeah." Looking up at him, raw emotion
surged up within me. I'd been so afraid that I'd never have him close
to me again. Even now, to see him scraped and bruised but okay and only
inches from me, it seemed unreal.  

A sob rose up in my throat but I swallowed it down. I wouldn't cry. I
had to be strong. But I squeezed his hand tightly, clinging to him, not
wanting to let him go. 

"Dana?" A nurse stood in the doorway. "We're going to move you up to OB
now. Mr Mulder, you're supposed to be in bed." 

He released my hand, winked at me and climbed off the bed. The sudden
grimace on his face wasn't an act, though. The nurse was right. He'd
been beat up badly and he'd been unconscious. They didn't know for
certain yet that he hadn't sustained any serious damage. 

The nurse took his arm, helping him. He was limping, bent over, his
injured arm held close against him. Despite the show he was putting on,
he was still badly hurt. But God, I needed so much for him to be with
me... 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

My arm wasn't broken, but it was badly bruised. I sat, drumming
impatiently with my good hand as the other was strapped, rocking back
and forth as if to stop would mean this beautiful crazy dream crashing
down on me. 

I was back. Had I only fallen through again or had it worked? Trying to
think back, my mind swam. Images, sounds, and pain. I'd been beaten up.
I'd run. Slipped. Rain. There had been so much rain. Dark, too. My
kites. Had it worked? Had lightning struck them? What would that have
done? Had the connection between worlds been severed? Had the worlds
been fused back together? I couldn't even begin to guess. There was no
science to this. How would I know what had happened? Would I ever? I
didn't know how I could handle living the rest of my life, knowing that
there was another world where I was being mourned. The thought made my
head ache and I dismissed it. I was home again and I was needed.  

"Daddy!" Astrid shrieked my name, running at me and throwing her arms
around my neck. I sucked in a pained breath as she touched my abdominal
bruise and she pulled back. "Are you okay? What happened? Where's
Mommy? Is she okay?" 

"I'll live. Mom started having contractions about three-quarters of an
hour ago. They've admitted her upstairs in OB." 

"How's she doing? Is the baby stable?" That was Jacqueline, standing in
the doorway, Erin at her side. Josh stood in front of her, gripping one
of her hands.  

"Stable for now. The contractions came on fast." 

"They came on fast with Erin, too." 

"Not this fast." I beckoned Josh and he approached cautiously. Erin
started to whine, arm stretched out toward me, but Jacqueline held on
to her tight, knowing she would only get in the way. Josh hugged me
silently. He was shaken. They all were. How bad had it been?  

"How fast?" 

"A minute, maybe two, apart. They've got her on oxygen and managed to
slow them down. Said there'll be at least a few more hours til she
delivers." I turned my attention to the med student as he fitted a
sling around my neck. "Can I go now?" 

"You've sustained some bad injuries, Mr Mulder. We need to keep you in
for observation for at least a couple more hours." 

"How far apart at they now?" I thought at first that was Jacqueline,
but it was Astrid. 

"About ten minutes, last I heard." 

"Want me to go check how it's going?" That was Jacqueline. 

I nodded, wincing as a nurse, bustling in, pushed me back down on the
bed and told me not to move an inch. "Take the kids up to see her. Tell
her I'll be right up. Don't let me miss it." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

Erin was crying. Confused about being in a hospital, maybe, and that we
wouldn't let her near Mommy or Daddy. Duckie, in charge since the
moment we picked up the phone to call her, had made us wait outside
while she talked to Mommy, then beckoned us in. Mommy already looked
exhausted and we were only in there for a minute before a nurse came in
to kick us out again. I was worried. The doctor and nurses kept coming
in to check on her, and talking to each other and looking at the
monitors and her chart. We had to wait on some lounges while Duckie
talked with Mommy's doctor and that was just horrible. It reminded me
and Josh too much of when Erin had leukemia and we'd all been staying
in the hospital with her for days and days. And thinking about Erin's
leukemia just freaked me out. What if something bad happened to Mommy
or the baby? 

I held onto Erin, not really trying to stop her crying but just wishing
that I could, too. I was scared. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

I'd managed to cadge a pair of scrubs from a nurse and then talk the ER
attending into taking out the IV. Sneaking up to visit Scully, I found
the kids waiting outside. Erin was crying. Seeing me, she wriggled free
of Astrid's grip and ran at me. I bent down, cautious but still feeling
sharp stabs of pain all over as she hugged me tightly, sobbing
incoherently. I held her, needing to reassure her, to prove that I was
back, but when Josh gently prised her off me I heaved a sigh of relief.
I couldn't kid myself - I was lucky to be in one piece. 

Jacqueline was busy talking to the doctor. Scully was left alone, for
the moment. 
My body a virtual catalogue of aches and pains, I still managed to
summon a smile as I pushed open the door to her room. She lay back on
the pillows, exhausted, almost unable to keep her eyes open but lifting
her head up when I came in, concerned. "Mulder! You shouldn't be up." 

I shook my head, sitting on the edge of her bed and reaching for her
hand. "Got the all clear. Nasty looking bruises aside, I'm okay. I
promise. How are you doing?" 

She didn't smile, just gazed at me. "It's been a rough week," she
admitted. 

I nodded. "Yeah, I know." We sat silently, awkward. "What's your doctor
saying?" 

"The baby is doing okay. I've still got a couple of hours to go." She
was starting to hyperventilate a little and I hushed her, laying my
hand over hers as she rubbed her belly, trying to get her to relax. She
sighed, leaning back with her eyes closed. "I'm so glad you're back for
this," she whispered. "I was so scared that you'd miss it." 

I smiled. "You know I've always got perfect timing." 

She weakly reached out to swat at me. A contraction hit her and she
winced. I helped her upright, and she doubled over, clawing at me. I
soothed her, coached her breathing, all the time almost overwhelmed at
being there, being able to touch her and hold her and help her. "You
okay?" 

She nodded, teeth clenched. "Yeah. I'm okay. It's a bad one but I can
handle it." But her face screwed up and a cry of pain escaped her,
followed by a sob, then another and another, pain and grief and fear
that she hadn't been able to hold in any longer.  

Rubbing her back, holding her, hushing her, I followed the monitors.
"Almost over. Going, going, going... gone." I lifted her face to mine,
kissing her lips lightly, brushing away the tears that had started to
fall. "You're doing so well. You're going to sail through."  

She nodded, trying to smile through her tears. But then her face
crumpled again. "I was so scared, Mulder..." she whispered. "I didn't
know how I would handle everything if you didn't come back." 

"We'll talk about that later, huh? You've got to be strong right now.
Only a few more hours." 

She nodded, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. She smiled
weakly. "Yeah. Almost over." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

Duckie went in to see how Mommy was doing, then came out again, telling
us that Mommy wanted to see us. I felt all panicky when she said that.
Was something bad going on? But Josh seemed calm enough... Or was that
just for Erin's benefit? He'd managed to get her to stop crying and was
sitting with her as she explored a toybox in the corner.  
Duckie said just one at a time and beckoned me in. I followed her in,
not really sure what I was expecting. It looked okay enough - Mommy was
lying in the bed, looking at Daddy as he sat on a chair beside her.
They were holding hands, and her other hand was on her tummy, rubbing
in circles. 
Daddy looked at me and smiled. "Hey, kiddo." He gestured for me to come
closer and I did, not really sure what to say. What had it been like
when she'd been in labour with Erin? We'd been so excited. This time we
were more scared. Why? Why did it feel like something terrible was
going to happen and everybody was just pretending otherwise? Maybe I
was just being paranoid... 

"Are you okay, Mommy?" I couldn't think of anything better to say. 

She nodded, giving me a tired smile. "The baby is stable, contractions
coming every seven minutes, everything's on track." 

"Does it hurt?" 

"You know Mommy would never admit to that," Daddy joked.  

Mommy gave him a tired dirty look, then smiled, reaching to touch my
cheek. "I'm doing okay." 

She pulled away suddenly, wincing, then sucked in a deep breath, her
face screwed up in pain. Daddy quickly took her hand, stroking her hair
and whispering to her, talking her through it. I took a step back,
almost wishing that Daddy wasn't back cos then at least we'd be needed.
I shivered, hearing my heart pounding fast. Why was it hurting her so
much? I was sure she hadn't been in so much pain with Erin. She hadn't
even started pushing yet. 
Mommy relaxed, finally, closing her eyes and laying back, panting like
she'd just run a marathon. "That was a bad one," she muttered, her
words kinda slurred. She was still holding Daddy's hand and she brought
it to her lips to kiss his fingers. Thanking him, maybe, for being
there for her, or even just still so glad to see him. It wasn't that I
wasn't happy that he was back. I just wished it didn't suddenly mean we
didn't matter any more. 

A nurse came in, talking to Mommy, checking the monitors and printouts,
frowning a little. Why was she frowning? Was something wrong? With
Mommy or with the baby? I didn't know. And I hated feeling so helpless.
I felt like I wanted to cry. What if Mommy died? 

"I love you, Mommy," I told her, and my voice wasn't much more than a
whisper. But I had to tell her, just in case... 

Mommy looked at me, then smiled sadly. She beckoned me closer. "I went
through this before with Erin, right? No problems. The baby and I are
going to be fine, I promise you that. Everything's okay, now." 

But how could she know that for sure? Things went wrong in hospitals
all the time. People still died... 

"Everything is fine, Astrid," Mommy repeated." She kissed her
fingertips and touched my cheek. "How about you go keep Erin company,
huh? Send Josh in to say hi." 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- JACQUELINE POV - 

The kids were going ape in the waiting area, even after being allowed
in to visit, and so I sent Fox to go be with them and took over sitting
with Dana. 

"We still can't reach your mom. Nobody home at your aunt's place and
your mom's cellular isn't on." 

Dana nodded, uncomfortably rearranging herself on the bed. "She
wouldn't get back in time, anyway." She reached for more ice-chips,
then for the face washer, dunking it and then pressing it against the
back of her neck, trying to cool down. She lay back with it across her
eyes, sighing. "Where are Ebony and Noah?" 

"At home, with Aaron Harrison." 

Dana lifted the washcloth and looked at me, eyebrow raised. 

"He came over for dinner," I explained quickly. "Just dinner. He
doesn't want to be anything more than friends. He's made that clear." 

"So why did you invite him over for dinner?" 

"I can't invite friends to dinner?" 

She sighed. "You know what I mean." She gazed at me steadily. "I know
that you were interested in him." 

"I was," I admitted. "Or, at least, I was interested in being
interested in him... if that makes any sense." She reached for the
tumbler of ice-chips and I passed it to her. "He was married once. His
wife died. I never even knew he was married. I never knew much about
him, about his past and beliefs." 

"Beliefs?" 

"He's a Christian. That was the reason he gave for not wanting to get
involved with me - that a believer and an unbeliever can't hold
together a marriage." 

Dana's gaze was still steady, but I saw uncertainty in her eyes and
almost wished I hadn't spoken. She and Fox had such a strong, beautiful
relationship, but faith had always been their bump in the road. 

A contraction hit her, almost rescuing us from the awkward pause, and I
reached to help her through it, glancing across at the monitor. They
were coming four minutes apart.  
"Not much longer, Dana." 

She nodded, teeth clenched as it passed. Then she lay back with a sigh
of relief, closing her eyes. "Could you send Mulder back in, please?" 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

I couldn't think of anything so seemingly harmless and actually
horrible as waiting. Daddy and Duckie and the doctor and nurses were
going in and out of Mommy's room but they never told us anything more
than 'almost there' or that Mommy was 'doing well'. Everything else was
still and quiet, because it was already almost midnight and all the
other patients were asleep. 
It was so boring in the waiting room. Even with the toys there and us,
Erin was whining a lot, all grumpy because it was way past her bedtime,
and I just felt too scared about Mommy to sit down and talk to her. We
hadn't had any dinner and were all getting really hungry so Duckie took
us down to the cafeteria, and Josh and I got impatient with Erin cos
she took so long to eat. Both Josh and I felt urgently that we had to
get back and it turned out we were right - when we went back upstairs
we were told that Mommy had just been moved into the delivery room and
Daddy was in with her. 

Please, God, make everything be okay, just like Mommy promised. Please
let Mommy be okay and the baby be okay, too. Please don't let it hurt
Mommy too much. Please make everything be okay... 

"Teddd..." Erin whined, tugging at my hand. I couldn't sit down. None
of us could - we were all pacing around like those fathers you see in
waiting rooms in movies. "Ted... Want Mommy. Where's Mommy?" 

"Mommy's busy," I told her, which was a simple enough explanation. She
got told that a lot of the time, if Mommy was at work or finishing some
work at home, or even if she was tired and had snuck off to have a
nap.  

But it wasn't enough this time, obviously. "Mommy!" Erin shrieked.
"Mommeeeeeee!" She threw herself on her back and started kicking.
Feeling all tense and scared, I just wanted to scream at her to shut
up. She'd wake up everybody who was sleeping. Duckie picked her up and
tried to sit on the couch with Erin on her lap but Erin kicked at her
and squirmed off. She didn't want Duckie. She wanted Mommy or Daddy.
She knew something was happening. 

She ran away from Duckie, down to the end of the corridor, and she
planted herself there with her back to the wall, huddled down, pouting
at us. Duckie watched her for a few seconds, then shrugged, smiling
sheepishly. She was tense, too. She was worried because the baby's feet
were coming out first, a breech birth, and there was a danger of the
cord prolapsing. 

Erin must have stayed crouching at the end of the corridor for at least
five minutes before giving up and sidling back toward us. I had forced
myself to sit down and she crawled up beside me on the couch and onto
my lap. "Ted? Want Mommy..." She knew that throwing a tantrum hadn't
worked, so she was trying another approach. "Did Mommy go way?" 

"No. Mommy's with Daddy." 

"Where?" 

"Along that corridor, and in one of those rooms along there." 

Her eyes lit up. "We go?" 

"Not yet. But we'll see Mommy really soon, I promise." 

"See Mommy now!" 

"We can't see Mommy now. Mommy's busy. See, there's a baby growing in
her tummy, just like you were, a long, long time ago." 

"Me?" 

"Yeah, you." 

"Ted, too?" She looked up at me, wide-eyed. Something inside of me
squirmed and I glanced across at Josh and Duckie. 

"Yeah, me too." She wouldn't understand if I told her the truth. That
was why I lied. That, and because if she believed it then maybe I could
almost believe it was true, too. 

"And Dosh?" 

"Josh, too. So this baby is growing inside of her but she's gotten so
big that now -" 

"Where's Mommy?" 

I sighed. No point telling Erin the story, anyway. She didn't want to
understand. She just wanted to see Mommy and know that everybody was
going to be okay. We all did. 
  

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

They were crying, both of them. The wet, slippery baby screaming
lustily and her mother, sweaty and exhausted but smiling through her
tears as our tiny daughter squirmed against her. It was surreal, the
almost overwhelming joy and fierce love that flooded my veins. It was
perfect.  
Scully tugged me closer to kiss me, holding me close. My hand on her
back, I reached with a tentative finger to touch our daughter's sticky
mop of dark hair. Inherited from me, or would she shed this and take
after Scully, as Erin had? Her eyes, unlike Erin's blue ones, were a
deep hazel, like mine and Astrid and Josh's. My eyes. My child. 
The baby's cries had dwindled and her mouth stretched in a wide yawn.
Tired laughter burst from Scully. Relief. I kissed the top of her head.
I'm so proud of you.  
"You made it through, huh?" I whispered. 

She sank back, watching with a smile as the baby was whisked away by a
nurse. "Yeah. Damn right I did." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- ASTRID POV - 

Daddy came out of the delivery room limping, but grinning. I felt so
much relief flood through me that I was shaking. The baby was okay.
Mommy was okay. Even Daddy was okay, pretty much. And he was back.
Everything was back to normal but even better. 

He came toward us and I ran to give him a hug, more because I was happy
about the new baby than really because I was relieved he was back. But
then when he hugged me all I could think was how much we'd missed him
and how scared we'd been that we'd never get him back, and then I was
crying and I couldn't stop hugging him, I couldn't let him go. Josh was
hugging him, too. Duckie was telling us to give Daddy some space and
Erin, who'd just woken up again, was crying for a hug, but I couldn't
let go. Neither Joshie or I could. We could have lost Daddy. What had
we done to deserve having him back? How could he just keep on surviving
again and again? It seemed impossible that one person could cheat death
over and over and over, but he was here and he was in one piece. Thank
you God. I promise I'll try to be more deserving. Thank you for saving
Daddy and bringing him home. Thank you so much... 
  

They'd moved Mommy out of the delivery room and cleaned her up and
everything. Daddy said that she'd probably already be asleep but when
we stood in the doorway we saw that she was still awake. She smiled at
us. 
"Too psyched to sleep." She beckoned us closer, stretching her hand out
to Daddy. He took it, holding it, and sat down beside her bed with Erin
in his lap. Erin tried climbing up onto Mommy but Mommy pushed her
back, wincing a little. "Be careful, sweetie." I figured she was
probably still sore all over. She'd been sore after Erin was born. 

A nurse came in, holding the baby. Mommy and Daddy were already
grinning but their faces lit up even more, Mommy stretching her arms
out to take the baby, all wrapped up even though it was summer. I
watched as Mommy cradled her, wishing that I could have a hold, but
Mommy and Daddy were just totally absorbed, gazing at the baby's face.
Erin tried to climb up to see again and Daddy let her reach out to pat
the baby. I watched them, Daddy and Mommy and Erin and the new baby.
They were a real family. Where did Josh and I belong? 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- JACQUELINE POV - 

It was two am when the kids and I arrived home at my place. Aaron was
still there, asleep on the couch. I wasn't sure whether or not to wake
him so I left him for the moment. Erin was fast asleep and Astrid and
Josh were almost out of it, so I tucked the three of them in my bed and
went to check on Noah and Ebony. Noah was asleep in his crib, sweating
in a jumpsuit Aaron had put him in. He woke as I was changing him into
a lighter pair of pajamas and started to cry, disoriented. Aaron came
running, literally. He stopped short when he saw me, running a hand
through his hair. "You're back." 

I nodded, not really sure where we went from here.  

"How's Dana? Did she deliver?" 

I finished dressing Noah and picked him up, holding him against me,
quietening him. "Quarter to one this morning. Healthy girl. Three and a
half kilos." 

"What about Mulder?" 

"Fox? Couple of bumps and bruises. Suspected concussion. No bones
broken. They're keeping him in for observation." 

"How did it happen?" 

I shrugged. Somehow that just hadn't seemed relevant. That he was back
had been all that mattered, even to him. Dana had been more important. 

Noah had fallen asleep. I turned to lower him into his crib. "I brought
the kids back with me. The four of us can bunk up in my bed. They're
probably already asleep." I winced, hoping that he hadn't
misinterpreted my use of the word 'us'.  

He'd noticed, I thought, but he didn't say anything. "You've got five
kids to handle. Do you want me to stick around til morning? I can sleep
on the couch." 

"You don't mind?" 

He shook his head. "You need the help." He smiled, but it was
restrained. I understood. He wanted to help, he liked the kids, but he
didn't want to fall in love with me. That was what he was offering.  

I nodded. I respected that. I wasn't quite sure how I was supposed to
ensure that didn't happen but I'd try.  
"Thank you. And thank you for sticking around tonight. I know Ebony is
difficult to get along with, but..." 

Again, the restrained smile. "You're welcome." 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

Unable to sleep, I snuck up to visit again after the kids left. I
didn't wake Scully but only stood by her bed in the darkness, watching
the shadows on her face as she slept, wanting to reach out and caress
her but hanging back. She needed her rest. 
The nursery was quiet, only the occasional whimper or sniffle coming
from one of its many occupants, the rustle as the nurse moved through
the rows. Middle row, center, was ours, SCULLY-MULDER written on the
tag. Scully-Mulder... 
Even before Erin was born, before we'd known her sex, we'd decided that
a girl would take Scully's surname, and a boy would take mine. The
decision had come out of a discussion we'd tossed back and forth during
the first few months of the pregnancy, not wanting to saddle the child
with a double-barreled surname but not knowing any other means of
deciding whose name it took.  
We hadn't had that same discussion this time. Maybe it had been taken
for granted that this little girl would be another Scully. Which left
us with two Moss', two Scullys, and no Mulders to carry on my family
name. Considering everything that my family name stood for, it was
probably better off dying with me. And yet... my ego was hurt. These
were my kids, too. We were a family, not just the two adopted Moss',
Scully and her daughters, and I the afterthought. We were a family. But
what were our options? A family of Scully-Mulders? It sounded
laughable.  

I exhaled, pressing my fingertips against the glass as if almost trying
to reach out to my daughter. We'd figure it out. Till then... Welcome
to the world, my little Scully-Mulder. 

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s  

- MULDER POV - 

I was released the next day. Dropping by Jacqueline's place to pick up
the kids I found them all around the breakfast table, Jacqueline at one
end and Aaron Harrison at the other, the kids between them on both
sides. Aaron had spent the night? How much *had* I missed in the last
week? 
Jacqueline invited me in for breakfast. After the unpalatable selection
supplied by the hospital I was more than willing to dig into pancakes
swimming in syrup, fried bacon and eggs. "Celebratory breakfast,"
Jacqueline explained, guiding a forkful of pancakes into Noah's mouth. 

Astrid made space between herself and Erin and wriggled close to me as
I pulled another chair up. She seemed excited but clingy, too, filled
with nervous energy as she explained to me how she and Aaron had been
discussing his work in fertility programs before he joined Jacqueline
at the clinic.  
Only half listening to her, I kept looking from Jacqueline to Aaron,
wondering what their relationship was, and from Ebony to Astrid,
wondering what Aaron knew and thought of the two girls. I vaguely
remembered Scully telling me that Jacqueline had explained it somehow,
but couldn't remember what she'd said. Had she told him the truth? I
doubted it. She wasn't sure who she trusted. She'd learned the hard way
that anybody could be against her.  
  

After breakfast I took the kids home. They were eager to go visit
Scully again but a call through to the hospital revealed that she was
fast asleep. Promising a visit later in the day, I told the kids to
have a shower and drew a bath for Erin, sitting by the tub and watching
as she played in the bubbles, relishing the normality and peace of the
moment. It was real. I was home.  
  

The peace didn't last, of course. Erin was being difficult and Josh and
Astrid, who had decided that the baby's room needed an antiseptic
scrub-down, left her for me to handle. Not only wanting Scully but also
cranky after not getting enough sleep, she was almost impossible to
deal with. Still sore and tired myself, I almost yelled at her when she
accidently kicked my bruise. But then I thought where I had been only
twenty-four hours earlier and bore the pain silently. 

She climbed into the crib that Astrid and Josh had just finished
scrubbing and, surrounded by the various cleaning scents and fumes as
the kids worked, slept soundly from midday to four. When she woke we
returned to the hospital, finding Scully in a mother's room off the
nursery, baby asleep in her arms as she gently rocked back and forth.  

"We brought some clothes, Mommy!" Astrid announced, holding up the bag
she and I had packed. "Some for you, and some for the baby, too." 

Scully smiled. "Thanks, sweetie." Cautiously, she rose from the rocker.
"Come sit here, Astrid. You can have first hold." 

Astrid's face lit up. She flew to the chair, reaching for the baby and
then smiling down at her sister's sleeping face. Scully stood beside
her, as though almost unable to stray too far away, to take her eyes
from our new daughter.  

After five minutes it was Josh's turn. His expression, though as
guarded as always, was one of quiet excitement, possessive affection.
He knew that we trusted him, that we would trust this child's life to
him. He was a big brother and this little sister he would protect with
his life. 

Erin wanted a hold. Scully glanced at me, uncertain. Did we trust
Erin's impatient hands and prodding fingers? 
Gazing at the sleeping baby, expertly cradled by Josh, I shook my head.
We couldn't risk it. 

"Soon, sweetie," Scully told her gently. She reached to take the baby
from Josh and resettled herself in the rocker. "How about the three of
you go see if the cafeteria has ice-creams, huh?" 

The message got through to them, loud and clear. Give us some time.  

Astrid turned to me, hand outstretched. "Money?" She raised an eyebrow
at the five dollar bill I handed her, smiling when I replaced it with a
ten. Shoving the bill into a pocket she lifted Erin up, holding her
sister at her side, seemingly unaffected by the weight or Erin's
squirms. "We'll be back in half an hour." 

We were left alone. The baby woke, and was starting to cry. I gazed at
Scully, sitting in the rocker in cotton hospital gown and robe, the
plastic wristband sliding on her arm as she pulled the gown off her
shoulder and readjusted her hold on the baby. Feed time.  

There was so much we needed to say to one another. But where to begin?
Neither of us knew what the other had been through, physically or
emotionally. I didn't know if I could find the words for it. 

The baby already looked half-asleep as Scully nursed her, eyelids
drooping then fluttering as she fought sleep. I watched, feeling the
distance between us, wanting to bridge it, to be forgiven that I could
then be close to her again.  

She looked up at me, her gaze steady. "It feels a little late now,
but... Where were you, Mulder?" 

I let out a breath slowly. Now or never. Would she believe me? Did she
ever? But I couldn't lie. "I was in another world... What I believe was
a parallel universe." The words spoken aloud sounded so crazy that I
couldn't help but give her a sheepish shrug. There's the truth. Whether
you believe it or not... 

"I talked to your doctor." She was gazing at the baby's face but the
comment was directed at me. 

"And?" 

"Your brain functions during the time they had you on monitors were a
little abnormal. Nothing much showed up on the MRI, but they said that
with the brain swelling from that bump on the head you could have been
hallucinating or even unconscious for the last couple of days." She
glanced up at me, frowning. 

"You think I hallucinated a parallel world?" 

Her face was unreadable but her eyes were troubled. She dropped her
gaze to the baby's face. A shaky sigh. "What was it like there?" 

I stared at her, not sure for a second whether she was genuine. But she
was. The troubled curiosity in her eyes reassured me of that. 

"The same," I answered, finally. "Most of it was just the same." 

"I was there?" 

I nodded. "You, Astrid, Josh, Erin... But you were carrying a boy, not
a girl. A baby boy." 

"A baby boy," she echoed, looking down at our daughter. "That's...
weird." 

"Yeah," I agreed, almost smiling. "It was weird." 

"What else?" 

"I met Ed's wife, Sandra. And their month-old baby boy." 

"Really?" A sort of wistful amazement on Scully's face. "They had a
boy, huh?" 

I nodded, then exhaled. They had had a boy. Now... 

"I looked Ed up online this morning," I told her quietly. 

"What did you find?" 

"He lives alone in that apartment." No wife. No baby. 

Her sober gaze betrayed her empathy. "I'm sorry." 

I nodded. "I looked up Sandra. Just thought I'd... try my luck." 

"You found her?" 

I grinned. "Shares an apartment with her sister two streets away from
Ed's place." 

She smiled broadly. "And you're going to take it upon yourself to
arrange an introduction?" 

"I might." 

Still smiling widely, she freed an arm to reach out to me, sliding a
finger through a loop on my jeans and tugging me closer. Come close. Be
with me.  

I moved behind her, one hand on her shoulder, reaching down with the
other to take our daughter's tiny hand in mine, watching as she fed,
her sleepy eyes on Scully's face. I couldn't think of anything more
beautiful. 

The baby fell asleep and Scully rearranged herself and the bundle,
offering the baby up to me. "Sorry you didn't get a hold earlier." 

I'd only had a brief hold in the delivery room and since then not had
the chance. I was glad at least that she realised the fact. 

I took my daughter, easing myself down into the rocker and settling the
bundle in my left arm, unable to use my bandaged one. She whimpered,
disturbed by the changeover and I rocked her, quietening her again. My
daughter, with her dark hair and beautiful dark eyes. 

"I'm going to go take a shower," Scully said quietly, picking up the
bag of her clothes that Astrid had left by the door. "I'll be back
soon, 'kay?" 

No need to ask if I'd be fine with the baby. I was more than ready.  

I nodded, wishing that we could have longer together, just the three of
us, but knowing that there would be plenty of time to hold her close,
time to comfort her and joke with her and love her. There were many
three a.m.s ahead of us. 

"Hey, Scully?" I called after her and she turned back. 

"Yeah?" 

"I've been thinking about a name." 

She raised an eyebrow, taking a few steps back toward me.  

I went on, "Actually, Astrid suggested it to me, a couple of weeks
ago." 

"Hannah?" 

"Yeah." 

She nodded. "I was hoping you'd say that." 

"You like it, then?" 

"I do. You think it suits her?" 

My turn to nod. I gazed at the dark-haired child in my arms. Hannah.
God's grace.  

"Hannah Mulder it is, then," Scully said softly. She bent over, kissing
the baby's forehead, then lifting her head higher to kiss my lips,
graze her cheek against mine, touch my hair. I reached my free arm to
hold her close long enough to kiss her properly, to have my Scully
back, the promise of her closeness. 

She drew away. "I'll be back soon." 

I smiled at her. I know. "We'll be waiting." 
  

fin. 
=====