Title: You Are My Angel
Author: A. Baylis
Written: Dec 5th, 1997
Distribution: Feel free to distribute anywhere, just keep my name with it please.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and any other characters you recognize don't belong to me. They belong to CC, 1013 and FOX productions and I'm making no money off of then. Bits and pieces of "The Christmas Song" and "The night before Christmas" don't belong to me either.
Keywords: Christmas story, MSR, just fluff :-)
Spoilers: Hmmm...for season 4 I guess.
Summary: Mulder and Scully spend Christmas Eve together in the hospital, but it's not what you think....
My warm breath vaporized in the cool evening air as I walked long side my partner. It was Christmas eve, and for the first time in years, I brought a friend to our annual family get together. It hadn't really been a conscience decision--Mulder was family, or, to me anyway. It was all too clear that my brother didn't care for him much. Of course, he didn't understand. How could he? He disliked the idea of me giving up my career in medicine, almost as much as my father did, and now I can see how he might be confused by the path of chosen. He has always been over protective of me, and I've always accepted that.
But now, I don't give a rats ass what he thinks is best for me. Because I am alive. I am going to see this Christmas, and I have Mulder to thank. Although we can never be quite be sure what saved me that day, when I was on the brink of death-whether it was because of my faith in my God, or that implant that was put back inside me, in the end, it was Mulder. It was his strength, courage, and his love of me, that held me up through such a dark time. I would never have gotten through any of it if it hadn't been for the people who love me.
And now, we could celebrate.
"Merry Christmas." I turned and smiled at the strangers as they passes by us.
They smiled back at me, "Merry Christmas to you too," and then went about in their walk.
Mulder walked silently beside me, his arm brushing softly against my arm, and the sound of the snow crunching under his boots was the only reminder that he was even with me.
He seemed to be in some sort of deep funk. He had been quieter than usual tonight. Smiling nervously at my mother when she offered him candy-cane cookies, and studying the pictures of the whole family, when I was only a child, that we lined up over the fire place.
I wish I knew what he was thinking. Christmas probably hasn't been enjoyable for him in a long time.
"That was really nice of Mrs. Scully to let me spend Christmas with you guys..." He turned to me and smiled. His cheeks and nose were red from the cold air.
"I'm just glad you came," I said. "I love Christmas...especially this year."
He stopped walking and gave me a side-ways smile, as he shoved his hands into his trench coat pocket. "Well, I love Christmas this year too."
A smile spread across my face that time, and it surprised myself as well as Mulder.
I tore my eyes away from his and glanced down the street. It was decorated with hanging wreaths, garland and lights, as well as the street lights. It had snowed last night and today, so there was a few feet of fresh snow on the ground, which only picked up the bright colored lights of the city.
"And you know what the best part of Winter is, Mulder?"
"Hmmm...your mothers cookies?"
"The artificial Christmas tree that Mrs. Scully puts up every year?"
I grinned at him, "Nah ah"
"Oh I know. The very *best* part of Christmas is on Christmas morning when every one opens their gifts and says `What the hell?! This is NOT what I asked for!" he said with false excitement in his voice.
I made a face at him and he laughed.
"When I was younger, every year it would snow around Christmas, and my brothers and I, would have snow ball wars in the front yard. We would spend hours building walls of snow, as high as we could reach, and then all the kids in the neighbor hood would come out, and we would, um, pulverize them." I smiled at the memories.
He laughed again. Oh how I loved to hear him laugh. When he was happy, his whole face was painted with it. It was defiantly something I could get used to.
That's when I did something that was very unlike me. I stopped walking, bent down and picked up a handful of snow. I watched Mulder stare at me with a quizzical look on his face as I started to pack it into a round ball.
"Oh, oh...you wouldn't," he said as he stepped out in front of me, facing me.
I grinned as I lifted my gaze to meet his. "Try me."
He raised a brow.
"1...2..." I said as I quickened my pace to catch up to my now steadily moving partner.
He turned and quickly dashed into a small park, I jogged to catch up with him and threw the snow ball as hard as I could and hit his back.
He laughed and jumped behind a tree.
"What's the matter, baby?" I mocked him, "Too afraid you are gunna lose to a girl?"
"Hardly Scully, but I don't want to humiliate you or anything," he said loudly as he peeked out from his hiding spot and hurled a snowball at me--hitting me in the stomach.
"This means war," I said slowly as I picked up a chunk of snow and threw it back at him. He laughed and ran towards another tree to gather more ammunition.
Before I knew it, we were in an all out snow ball war. We ran through the park chucking as much snow at each other as we could collect in our hands at a time. I had never gotten so many weird looks from kids in my whole life.
"Come out, come out wherever you are," Mulder said as he tried to catch his breath.
I stood with my back against a thick tree as I tried to contain my laughter. I looked out the side of the tree and saw him standing with his back to me--wondering where I was no doubt.
I stepped out from hiding and slowly and silently walked up to him. He didn't hear me until I was only a few feet ahead of him, and by the time he spun around I pushed him down into a snow bed. He grabbed onto me as he fell, and I went down on top of him.
We burst into laughter as I buried my head into his shoulder, my hair falling onto the snow. He threw his head back, his whole body was shaking with laughter under me. "Ya know Scully...I prefer being on top,"
I rolled my eyes resisting another laugh, and then rolled onto my back, lying next to him in the snow.
"You're crazy Scully," he said as he turned to face me.
"And I'm alive."
I lied back and looked into the sky, noticing a few lone snow flakes falling towards the earth. Pretty soon hugs snow flakes were falling down over us, landing on my closed eye lids, and lips.
I felt Mulder shift closer beside me and take my hand in his. Why he did it just now, I don't know, and I wouldn't ask.
"I'm freezing my ass off here,"
I giggled and pushed myself up, as I reached for both of Mulder's hands, and then helped pull him up.
I used my now frozen hands to brush the snow off myself, and then pulled the open trench coat tightly across my chest. I then cupped my hands over my mouth and exhaled warm air into them, until Mulder grabbed my wrists and then put my small hands into his.
He rubbed my hands thoroughly with his, his dark eyes staring down at his hands holding mine.
"You're freezing," he said seriously.
"You too," I swallowed.
I watched his large hands as they continued to rub mine fiercely.
"Better?" he said softly as he finally moved his hands away and dropped them into his pockets.
I smiled and started walking back to the road. I felt his long arm wrap around my waist as we crossed the street, and once again walked among the other strollers.
I don't know exactly how long we had been walking, or even where we were for that matter. Of course I knew this area quite well, but I wasn't paying much attention to where we were walking.
It was dark now. With only the full moon, and the lights of the town, to light up the sky.
"What time's it Mulder?" I asked after a long silence.
"No idea...but it has to be after seven. Does your mom let you stay out this late?" He teased.
"We should go inside somewhere, but what's open on Christmas eve?"
When we stepped off the elevator, we were greeted by the familiar sights and sounds of a place like this: People sitting in waiting rooms groaning in pain or frustration, others rushing through the halls, and that sickly smell that always made me want to run screaming. You could just smell the death in here.
"Mulder, this isn't exactly where I want to spend Christmas eve," That was just about the biggest understatement. There was a time when I thought I would spend Christmas in the hospital, and now I wanted to get as far away from here as possible.
"I know Scully," he said turning to me with a sympathetic look on his face. I know that he understood. "I'm just going to call a cab."
I nodded and hugged myself as I watched him walk towards the front desk. I sighed and looked around. It was a hospital like any other, with dull walls and old tile floors, only it was decorated with garlands with colored lights wrapped through it, wreaths with huge red bows, and an artificial tree with paper ornaments that looked like they were made by children. More than likely, children that would spend Christmas here.
I walked over the tree, that barely reached five feet, and lightly brushed my finger against the plastic bristles.
All of a sudden I heard a faint sound coming from down one of the corridors. I looked over and saw that Mulder was still on the phone, so I walked over to where the sound was coming to. I turned the corner and saw on my left, an half open door. I opened it up and saw it was filled with children. They were of all ages, all sitting cross legged on the floor, around an older woman who was reading stories out loud.
They didn't appear to notice me, so I quietly inched over to the back of the small room, and sat down against the wall, and listened as the woman continued to read.
"....And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winters nap; When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter...."
I watched the children as she read. They all looked happy with smiles on their small faces. Most of them you couldn't tell what was wrong with them and why they were spending Christmas eve here, instead of being at home with their families, but a few of them were in wheel chairs, and some of them had lost all their hair.
I felt a shiver run down my spine. What I had to go through-- my cancer--was hard enough on me...I couldn't even imagine what it must be like for some poor kid, and their parents.
That's when I noticed Mulder standing beside me, and then sit on the floor. I looked up at him, and he looked back at me. Reading my eyes, like he could always do so well--too well.
"You OK?" He whispered in my ear.
"I will be," I stated firmly.
He stared at me for a moment, and then looked back at the woman who was reading.
"...the moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the luster of mid-day to objects bellow. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, with eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick...."
"Look at their faces Scully..." Mulder said softly as he leaned closer to me, "Look at how much joy that even Christmas can bring into their lives."
I glanced up at him, and then at the children. It was true.
"With everything they've been through...they can still smile...I think that is amazing in and itself..."
"You're right. It is."
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
Mulder slowly nodded and put his hand on the side of my face; his thumb brushed gently against my cheek. I felt my heart skip a beat at his touch. He looked at me in a way he has never looked at me before, his dark eyes looking strait into my soul.
I was lost in his gaze for a moment, before looking back ahead of him. We saw too young girls smiling at us and smiled back at them. Mulder chuckled when one of them waved specifically to him.
We sat in silence and listened to the rest of the poem; Mulder's hand resting gently over mine.
I don't know exactly how long we had been sitting on the floor like that, but when the woman who was reading closed the large book that had been sitting in her lap, I had to admit that I was a little disappointed. I stood up and fixed my coat, as we watched the children slowly file out of the room. I smiled at them as they walked by, and most of them just looked back at me flustered.
I felt Mulder's hand on the small of my back, and knowing that was my Que. to leave, I stared out the door. When I noticed a young girl in a wheel chair, who looked about eight, wheel her way over to the elderly woman who had read to them.
I watched them carefully and saw their lips move, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. The woman smiled, and placed her hand gently on the girls' arm, before she turned her chair and wheeled it out of the room.
I turned quickly and saw Mulder waiting patiently by the door.
I nodded and followed him out.
"Scully I--what is it?" he asked when he saw me look back down the hall to where the girl in the wheel chair was headed.
"Um, I...." I began, but for loss of words I said nothing more, and followed the young girl.
Mulder looked at me with a bewildered look on his face.
"Hi," I said quietly.
She turned her chair. "Hi."
She was bald, but had green eyes and had a blanket of freckles on her face, so I knew she must have been a redhead. I couldn't help but see some of myself in her. I knew all about what it was like having looks so different than anyone else. Of course, that was probably the least of her problems. I was thankful that I didn't have to live through the pain of cancer as a child...I would have much liked to skip the ordeal all together.
"I'm Dana," I had no idea what I was doing, or saying for that matter. She stared at me, and said nothing.
"What are you doing here? It's *Christmas*," she said after a long pause.
Her words hit me like a brick. What was I doing here?
"I just...." My words faded. "You never told me your name..." I quickly changed the subject.
"That's a pretty name," I said softly. "Where are your parents?"
She stared back at me. "They aren't here."
I squatted down until I was closer to her height, and put my hands to the back of my neck, unhooking my gold cross on a thin gold chain, and held it in the palm of my hand.
She stared at me with wide green eyes as I handed it to her.
"You're gunna give me your necklace?!" she said smiling.
I smiled back at her and nodded as I took the chain and moved behind her chair so I could put it on her. I watched her twirl it between her fingers as I closed the clasp.
A smile spread across my lips and I only nodded. I noticed Jillian was looking past me down the hall, and I turned to see Mulder standing there.
He was leaning his shoulder against the wall, and had a small smile on his lips.
"That your boyfriend?"
I let out a loud laugh.
"Hey!" Mulder said, pretending to sound hurt, as he came and stood beside me.
I pressed my lips together to hide a smile.
"OK, well I gotta go," Jillian said with a smile.
I nodded. "Thank you," she said softly before she wheeled herself into her room.
I closed the door behind her and then stood back. I knew that Mulder was standing behind me and I could practically feel him looking at me. I closed my eyes, and was tempted to fall backwards. If there was anything I trusted in this world, it was that he would catch me.
"Where have you two been?!" My mom said as she threw open the door. She had a red apron on and her short grayish hair looked messy.
We both shrugged as we stepped inside the house and took off our coats.
The place looked great. My mom always made the place look beautiful for Christmas. There was garland wrapped with lights all along the stairs and fireplace mantel. There were more than a dozen wooden and fabric Santa's everywhere you looked and wooden reindeers in the living room. She had hung wreaths with red ribbons on the walls and even had a manger set up on a table.
Our Christmas tree was more than seven feet high and was thick as they get. We had decorated it earlier with white lights and various ornaments we had collected over the years. This year it was Mulder that had the honor of placing our angel in a burgundy velvet dress on the top of the tree. Bill insisted on it. He was trying to be nice, and I was grateful to him for it.
When we turned off the lights and stood back to admire our work, I could swear that I could feel Melissa and my fathers presence in the room with us.
"Bill went out to get us some Egg nog," she said as she took her apron off, "I'm going to go get changed."
I nodded and watched her climb up the stairs.
Mulder took of his shoes and headed into the living room as I trailed close behind him.
The lights were off, and this Christmas tree lights lit up the entire room. Mulder went over and opened the windows, and stared out at the huge snowflakes that were falling towards the earth.
I went over and sank into the couch as I watched him. He looked so beautiful standing over there by the window; the way his full lips were parted slightly and how his ruffled hair fell softly onto his forehead.
"It's really coming down now..." he said.
For a moment we said nothing as we looked out into the night.
"That was...really nice of you to give your cross to that girl...." He said turning to face me.
"It was a symbol..." I began , "Of everything I believed in--my faith.. but if me giving it to one green eyed freckle faced little girl can help save her, or even just comfort her...than I think it's worth the sacrifice..." I finished confidently.
Mulder sat down quietly beside me on the couch.
"It's gotten me through a really rough time in my life, coping with my cancer, and fighting for my life, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do...it was a source of strength for me...but I don't think I need it anymore..."
"No...my beliefs are a part of me...they always have been...."
"Your belief in God?" he said quietly.
"My belief in things that I can't see...in the improbable, the impossible.." I said with a smile, as I looked down at my feet. "And my belief in you...."
He looked up at me, surprised. "Me?"
I nodded and smiled as I turned to look at him. "*You* saved me Mulder... your strength, your beliefs, your love...and of course you found that cure, and you risked your life to get it...and be there for me..."
My words drifted off when I realized I had no idea where I was heading.
He nodded, a smile spreading across his lips.
"You are my Guardian angel Mulder...."
It had slipped out before I even realized I said it, or thought it for that matter. It was true though. And I knew it. How else can I describe what we have?
He stared at me expressionless and I laughed, my face turning crimson.
He smiled at me. That gorgeous smile of his.
I stood up and walked over to the CD player, and pushed the play button. The room quickly filled with holiday music, as I was sure it would.
"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, jack frost nipping at your nose, Yule tide carols being sung by the choir, and folks dressed up like Eskimos..."
"Ya know..." Mulder began as he stood up, "It's actually kinda good that your not wearing that necklace anymore..."
I raised a brow, "Really?"
"Yeah.," he said as he walked back over to the front door.
I waited curiously, and when he returned, he had a hand behind his back and a smile on his face. He stood in front of me and took his hand out from behind his back. He opened his hand and I saw a long skinny velvet box.
"Yeah...that way, it wont get crowded," he said as he handed it to me.
I looked up at him and then opened it. It was a gold chain and on the end was a small round diamond and an amethyst jewel. My birthstone.
"It's beautiful...." I took it out of the box, and watched it sparkle in the light of the room. "Thank you."
He smiled and took it from me and then placed it around my neck. I held my hair up as he did the clasp.
The feel of his warm breath on the back of my neck sent a shiver up my spine.
"Merry Christmas," he said softly as his mouth passed my ear. If he had of been any closer, I know his lips would have touched me.
"Merry Christmas," I said back, as I moved my arm up go that it brushed against the side of his face. I turned around and in one swift motion, wrapped my arms around his waist. I heard him sigh gently as I rested my head against his chest.
"And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two, though it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you, though it's been said many times, many way..... Merry Christmas....to you...."
I closed my eyes and smiled against him. This felt so good. So right. There weren't any words to describe it. I could stay like this forever....Just me and my angel.
THANX: To all my friends from the Davidites "back-up list" Especially Carolina, I probably wouldn't have posted this if it wasn't for her comments ;-) Thanx to everyone else too!
Thanx for reading!
Mulder: "I was told once that the best way to regenerate
body heat is to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with
somebody else who was already naked"
Scully: "Maybe if it rains sleeping bags you'll get lucky"