TITLE: A Thousand Words
AUTHOR: Menagerie
EMAIL: menageri@linkline.com
WEBSITE:
http://acovington.home.mindspring.com/menagerie/index.html
ARCHIVE: Anywhere except "worst of" lists, I guess. Just
tell me so I can visit!
SPOILERS: Through Existence
RATIING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: S
KEYWORDS: MSR, Babyfic
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Mulder, Scully, Skinner, LGM or any
other X-Files regulars. They belong to many many lawyers at
Fox, 1013 etc. I'm not making a profit, just having fun.

SUMMARY: A picture paints a thousand words, will Scully get
the message?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The doorbell chimed dully on the opposite side of the door
and Mulder shifted nervously from foot to foot. Scully had
known what she had asked of him when she had sent him on
this errand and her clear blue eyes had said thank you
before he had even agreed. Who should know better than she,
just how many questions her mother had about their
relationship and the newest member of the Scully clan.

Margaret Scully opened the door and the two regarded each
other warily. Her mint colored sweater and tan pants were
of the same impeccable taste that her daughter favored.
Classic and cool, Mulder thought. Just like the women that
wore them.

"Hello, Fox. Come in." She stepped aside and opened the
door to admit him. He stepped across the threshold and was
painfully aware of how he towered over her. The last thing
he wanted to do was put her on the defensive.

"Mrs. Scully," he murmured. They stood in the foyer
continuing to eye each other. She forced a smile.

"Thank you for coming all the way out here. I know you're
busy."

He shrugged. He wasn't, really. Without Kersch or Skinner
as his taskmasters, he could pretty much make his own
schedule. Granted, working as an outside consultant with
the bureau, as he was now, kept him under much of the same
old bureaucratic red tape as before, but now he could walk
away whenever he wanted. And unlike before, he knew that he
could walk away. They no longer owned him.

He took the small bag from his pocket and handed it to her.
Their fingers brushed briefly and she tipped her head back
to look up at him. He cleared his throat.

"Scully figured you wouldn't get much sleep without this."

A genuine smile touched the older woman's face as she took
the bag and opened it. She extracted a pink pacifier with a
plastic cutout of Eyore plastered on the back.

"Yes. I tried the other one, but apparently it's not the
same. We managed, though,"

He nodded stupidly, not knowing what to say. He knew he
should just go, but it felt like there was something else to
say.

The soft sounds suddenly coming from the other room decided
it. Without asking, or even sparing the woman a glance, he
walked past her into the living room and up to the bassinet
that lay on the coffee table.

The baby smiled up at him and Mulder felt his breath catch
as the blue eyes shone in the sunlight streaming through the
French doors. God, he was so much like his mother. The
same big azure eyes, the same rusty hair. But he had his
father's chin, Mulder was afraid. And maybe his nose. All
in all, the little guy was a pleasant mixture of his
parents. Mulder never tired of looking at him.

And for his part, little Will seemed to be as fascinated
with the face beaming down at him as Mulder was with him.
He smiled and cooed and kicked his feet merrily as if
someone had just told him a good joke. His long lashes
fluttered over his bright blue eyes and Mulder felt a
tightening in his stomach.

"He's awake again?" Margaret asked, coming to stand in front
of the coffee table. "Not much for naps, this one."

He looked up at her, the smile still playing around his
lips.

"Unlike his mother. Scu--Dana can sleep anywhere, anytime.
Stakeouts, cheap hotels, cars, you name it."

"I believe it," she said simply.

Unhappy at no longer being the center of attention, the baby
started to fuss and Mulder looked back down at him. Pick me
up! the blue eyes seemed to be saying.

Margaret moved to pick up her youngest grandchild but
Mulder's hands were already reaching down and now he was
holding Will against his shoulder. The baby was leaned back
in Mulder's arms to gaze up at his face. A chubby fist
reached up and grabbed at Mulder's nose and Mulder laughed
and kissed the round fingers.

Margaret felt a lump in her throat and swallowed hard.
Yes. Of course. She had suspected as much. Wondered. But
her private, tight-lipped daughter had not ventured to
discuss the subject. She had simply told her mother that
she was pregnant after having in-vitro fertilization.
Nothing about who the donor was, or how she had made her
choice.

And for her part, Margaret had not thought to question it,
or her. Dana had suffered too much already, and this
miracle, this gift from God, for surely that was what it
was, was not something she was willing to question. Not
even her unwavering loyalty to the Church and her firm
belief in its tenants had given pause to the thought of her
unmarried daughter becoming a single mother. She had simply
accepted it and had seen gratitude in her daughter's eyes.

But of course, later, she had wondered. Dana could be cold,
clinical even, about the most personal of things. Margaret
did not have any trouble imagining her daughter coolly
assessing and dismissing scores of candidates before finally
finding the donor that best suited her needs. She knew Dana
was capable of handling the inevitable questions and hurdles
that such an arrangement would present. But she had
wondered if perhaps Dana had made a more personal decision.
If she had not wanted, after all, a father for her child
that she knew.

Margaret looked at him holding the baby boy and knew all
that Dana had not said. And she felt a flush of shame as
she realized it she had not made it easy for her daughter to
tell her the truth. Margaret had been strident and vocal in
her approbation of lifestyle this man had led her daughter
into. No, she could not blame Dana for keeping quiet.

"So," she said quietly, her voice low against the light coos
of the baby, "He's yours."

Mulder's eyes flew to her face and he felt his body
stiffen. Damn! He shouldn't have picked him up, shouldn't
have allowed his emotions to betray Scully's secret. But it
was there, hanging in the air and reflecting in the woman's
eyes, and he knew that there was no point in lying.

"Yes," he said simply, and looked back down at his son. His
son. Will had discovered a button on his shirt and was
tugging at it.

Margaret sighed heavily.

"I wondered, of course. But Dana never said anything." She
paused. "I'm sure she was afraid of my response."

He nodded,keeping his eyes on the tiny fingers that strained
to pull the button closer.

"Fox."

He looked up at her.

"I'm--I'm not upset. I," she sighed again and made a
dismissive gesture with her hand. "I don't understand this
relationship that the two of you have. But I do know you
care about Dana. And," she looked pointedly at the baby.
"I can clearly see that you care about Will."

"I do," he said solemnly and for some reason it struck him
as absurd. I do. Two words he never expected to say before
God and witnesses. Why did those two utilitarian words,
used a thousand different ways, strike home so harshly now?
Why did it make him see in an instant all that his life
would never be?

"Then, what are you going to do about it?" Margaret
demanded.

He shifted the baby slightly in his arms and Will used the
motion to pull himself closer to the button. Mulder's lips
grazed the downy head as Will tried to position her mouth on
the round fastener.

"What do you mean?"

Margaret gestured impatiently.

"I don't pretend to know what it is that you and Dana are
after. Frankly, I'm still trying to deal with the fact that
she's gone back to the FBI. I had thought with you no
longer there and the baby...."

"I was hoping the same thing," he said, and meant it.

She nodded.

"Whatever it is that Dana is looking for, she still thinks
that the FBI is going to give it to her. Fine. I've
accepted that as her choice. But what about Will? What
about his needs, his future?"

"Dana would never neglect Will, you know that," he said,
evenly, aware that he was on very dangerous ground here.

"Intentionally, no. But take this case she's on right now.
Undercover, three hundred miles away. I can't reach her. I
can't know what is happening to her. What if something
happens, Fox? What if she gets hurt, or gets killed? What
then?"

Margaret rubbed her hands together.

"I know that her work is important. And I know you both
believe that there is a bigger threat out there that you
have to protect all of us from. But what about your son?"
Her eyes pleaded with him. "What about Will? What happens
to him?"

His arms tightened instinctively around the baby as Will
nuzzled against his chest. Dimly, he realized he had given
up on the button and was searching for a nipple. If only he
could give him everything he needed.

"I can't speak for Dana," he said slowly. "But there isn't
anything I wouldn't do for Will. You have to believe that."

"Okay, I believe you. But let's be practical here. Do you
have a will?"

He blinked.

"No."

" I know you don't think you need one," she said tersely.
"You're a young man. But you have a child now, and if
something happens to you, he has to be taken care of."

"Dana has made arrangements--"

"Yes, she has, and if something happens to him, I become
Will's guardian. But what about you? You're half of who he
is, Fox. Your blood, your family, your history. Let's be
blunt, your money. I know you aren't rich, but if you die,
don't you want Will to have whatever you do have?"

"Yes."

"That doesn't happen by itself. It takes planning,
consideration. There are decisions that have to be made."
Suddenly she felt cold, all this talk about death. She
hugged herself and looked up at him fiercely. "If something
happened and I had to raise Will by myself, what do I tell
him? Do I show him pictures and tell him stories about his
parents?" She laughed harshly. "I don't even have a
picture of you that I could show him. I suppose I could
show him your FBI badge."

"They took it," he said automatically. "When they fired
me."

"Of course they did," she said grimly. "They take
everything."

He nodded and looked down at Will who had caught his shirt
between his lips and blissfully sucking on it. He could
feel the warm dampness against his skin and a slight flush
came to his cheeks.

"Do you understand, Fox? Do you understand why this is so
important? You have to insure the future for him."

He nodded.

"Yes, I think I do," he said softly. His hand came up and
cupped his son's soft dark head. He wanted him to know.
Always. He didn't want Will to grow up ever doubting what
he meant to him.

Across the room he heard the sound of a door opening and
closing. He looked up as Margaret crossed the room towards
him with a camera in her hand. He looked at her with a
question in his eyes.

"Sit down on the couch, Fox," she said softly. "And hold
your son." She raised the camera. "It's time for some
insurance."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He glanced at the speedometer and eased his foot off the
accelerator. Her anxiety was infecting him. He didn't want
to get them killed getting there.

Beside him, Scully's eyes shot to the speedometer as she
felt the car slow down and her mouth pressed into an even
tighter line. Why did it have to take so damn long to get
there? Why hadn't she just rented a car and drove herself?

"Almost there," he said softly, watching her out of the
corner of his eye.

"I know," she said and sighed. Almost just wasn't good
enough.

When the car pulled into the driveway fifteen minutes later
she had the door open and her seatbelt off before he had put
it in park. She was at the front door by the time he closed
the car door and he saw Margaret's dark head briefly over
Scully's shoulder before Scully vanished through the open
doorway.

He stood on the threshold as he had done three weeks earlier
and Margaret turned away from the living room and gestured
for him to come inside. He stepped into the foyer and
closed the door behind him. Margaret led the few short
steps to the living room. They stopped and stood as one,
watching as Scully hugged her baby to her chest and murmured
endearments into the tiny neck. Mulder felt tears pricking
behind his eyes and blinked furiously.

Scully drew in deep breath after deep breath, closing her
eyes as the familiar sweet, innocent baby smell flooded her
senses. God, she had missed that so much. The smell, the
sound, the feel of Will's tiny body against hers. And he
had grown, changed and Scully couldn't stop running her
fingers through the baby's red curls, longer than when she
had left. And the chubby cheeks that were chubbier. And
the blue eyes, her own blue eyes, bigger and rounder and
more beautiful than ever.

"He missed you," Margaret said, smiling at her daughter. "I
think he knew you were coming home today. I couldn't get
him to sleep for anything."

Scully smiled at her mother through the mist of tears in her
eyes.

"Thank you, Mom. Thank you for taking care of him."

Mother and daughter met in the middle of the room in a warm
embrace, the baby's red head bobbing between their own. The
understanding was tacit, unspoken. Two mothers, one son,
feeling the unalienable bond.

Scully broke away and swiped at her damp eyes. Will grinned
up at her and Scully laughed and kissed him on the head.

"Oh, little boy, I have missed you so much!"

Margaret turned to Mulder and watched him watching the
mother and child. A soft smile tugged at his lips and she
was struck by how handsome and capable and normal he
looked. Like a besotted father.

"So," she said, turning back to her daughter. "I've got
dinner cooking."

Scully shot a look at Mulder and looked back at her mother.

"Oh, Mom, thanks but--"

"But what?" Margaret demanded. "You've been gone for three
weeks. If you think I'm going to let you skip out the door
now that you're home, you are sadly mistaken."

"Well, I--" Scully looked at Mulder. "Mulder drove me, and
I don't want to hold him up."

"Nonsense." Margaret turned to Mulder, leaning against the
doorframe, and their eyes met. She caught his barely
perceptible nod and realized that they completely understood
one another. "Fox, you can stay for dinner can't you?"

He smiled, the warmth on his face reflected in his hazel
eyes. "Absolutely."

Scully shifted the baby in her arms.

"If it's okay with you, Mulder," she said.

"Good," Margaret said, satisfied. "Sit down Dana. He's
getting a little heavy to cart around everywhere."

Scully laughed and tossed the little boy up in the air,
making him shriek with joy.

"He's not so big. Are you?" she cooed at the baby. "You're
not my big boy, yet." The baby grinned and Scully tossed
him again before settling back into the couch and tickling
the baby's stomach.

Margaret was in the closet, pulling something out, but
Scully couldn't tear her eyes away from her baby. Scully
kissed her son's head again. Had it really only been three
weeks? It had felt like three years that she had been
gone. Playing the undercover role had not been hard.
Acting like a doctor gone junkie hadn't been hard to fake
when she had spent sleepless nights aching for the warm
weight of her son sleeping against her chest, the soft
noises he made as he fell asleep. Never could she have
imagined such longing, such an emptiness as she did without
this little person who was her life now. Had there been
life before Will? If so, it had been black and white to
this vivid splash of color that was her son.

"Sit down, Fox," Margaret said. Her hand guided him to the
couch and he sat next to Dana. "Now get in a little
closer."

Scully looked up from contemplating her son, her blue eyes
wide first on her mother, then the camera in her hands, and
finally on Mulder as he slid across the couch until their
hips touched.

"Mom?" she asked, her eyes searching the older woman's, but
Margaret wasn't answering.

"That's good, Fox. Now put your arm around Dana, and both
of you look at your son."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He adjusted the rearview mirror until he could see the
small, round face, passive in sleep, as the baby dozed in
his car seat. His eyes returned to the road and
unconsciously he strengthened his grip on the wheel. Such
precious cargo he carried.

Scully watched him check on the baby and chewed on her
bottom lip. Where to start? How had her mother guessed?
What did she guess? What did she think? Scully looked down
at the envelope in her lap.

"These are great pictures, Mulder."

He shot her a careful look and went back to the road.

"Yeah, I thought so."

"When did she take them?"

He shifted in the seat.

"The day I dropped off the pacifier." He was silent for a
moment, the question hanging in the air between them. "Will
started to fuss and I picked him up. I guess I said
something, did something. Anyway," he sighed. "She asked
me if I was the father."

He shot her another quick glance. Her brow was furrowed,
but she didn't really seem angry.

"I couldn't lie. I just--I didn't think she would believe
me even if I did. So I told her the truth. I'm sorry."

Scully fingered the flap on the envelope. The images inside
had touched her. Deeply. His face, alight with joy and
wonder as he gazed down at their son. Their faces, side by
side. God, had she seen the resemblance then! There was no
question, no doubt. Father and son.

"Don't be sorry," she said. "I never meant to keep it a
secret forever. I just didn't know how, or when, to tell
her."

He nodded.

"I didn't say anything else. I didn't know what you wanted
her to know."

Scully looked out the window.

"There's not much else to tell. She knows I had in-vitro.
She knows there probably won't be another chance."

Silence hung in the air between them. He didn't know what
to say, or even if he was supposed to say anything.

"What was in the envelope you gave her?"

He shot her a surprised look and saw the amused expression
on her face. Damn. She didn't miss a thing.

"My will. Some pictures of me growing up, of my family.
Some background on the Mulder family, such as it was."

He heard her sharp intake of breath.

"Why?" She breathed.

He checked the rearview mirror again and felt his heart
constrict. So tiny. So perfect. God. Was it really
true? Sometime he just couldn't believe it.

"We had a talk, your mother and I." He shot her another
look and steeled himself. Independent Scully was not going
to like this.

"She asked me about the future. About...what happened to
Will if something happened to you, to both of us. She said
that Will has a right to everything. My past, my history.
Everything I have. And that needs to be planned. It has to
be said. She wanted... insurance for Will. For his future"

"Insurance," Scully murmured. "In case she had to raise him
herself."

He nodded, and suddenly there was a lump in his throat. The
idea of losing him, of leaving him behind...

"What did you put in your will, Mulder?'" She asked softly,
wondering what provisions he had made. Wondering if it had
hurt him to even think about it.

"I left everything to you, and in the event of your death,
to Will. If you live, then you are the executor. If we
both die, then your mother is."

"What about custody?" Her voice cracked on the word.

He looked at her in surprise.

"I didn't put anything in there about that. It's not for me
to say."

She turned in her seat and looked at him levelly.

"Actually it is, Mulder. You never signed anything. You
never signed away your parental rights. I signed a waiver at
the clinic saying that parental rights and responsibility
was to be determined between us. Legally, you have just as
much right to Will as I do."

He swallowed.

"Oh."

She regarded him quietly and the realization came over her
of just how much she had left unsaid. The things she had
assumed, that she had gone over in her own head so many
times that she didn't even question that he would know them
too. And she realized just how much she hadn't told him.
Hadn't shared. Just how much she had really asked of him.

"You're his father," she said slowly. "Your name is on his
birth certificate. He is as much yours as he is mine."

He glanced at her quickly and then looked away. She was
looking at him, waiting for a reply. Waiting for something.

"But, I'm not, Scully," he said, finally. "I understood
that when you asked me to be the donor. I understood that
he was going to be yours. That I would be on the
sidelines."

"Is that where you want to be?" Her voice was cool, but
underneath he detected a tremor.

He licked his lips and checked the mirror again.

"I don't feel like I have a choice." He shot her a look.
"I made my choice when I said yes. I gave him up to you
then."

"That doesn't answer the question, Mulder. Do you want to
be his father? Do you want to be part of his life?"

He closed his eyes briefly and willed himself to breathe
deeply. God, he wanted to just say it, just tell her. But
he had made a promise, and not for anything, was he going to
take that little boy away from Scully. Not even a little.

"It's not about what I want, Scully. It's about you and
him. And what's best for you."

"We're fine," Scully said firmly. "We're going to be fine
no matter what. But what I want to know, is how you feel.
What you want? Do you want Will in your life?"

He was breathing fast now and the lump in his throat
threatened to close his air off. He wanted to look at her,
but he didn't dare. Not if he was going to be honest.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I want him in my life. I want to be
a father to him." Tears were burning in his eyes and he
blinked to push them away. "I didn't know. I did, at some
level, I think. But, I didn't realize that it would affect
me so much to see him. To hold him." He was losing the
battle with the tears and he swiped at his eyes.

"But I'm not going to do anything you don't want, Scully.
I'm not going to start demanding equal time or start telling
you how to be a mother." He took a deep breath. "If you
want me to sign those papers, I will. If that's what you
want."

Her hand was small and warm on his arm and she was looking
intently at his face. He chanced a look and was moved to
see tears swimming in her eyes.

"I never wanted that, Mulder. But I didn't want to ask. To
presume. This was something I wanted. **I** wanted him.
And I needed you to get him, but I didn't want to ask you to
change your life, to change what you wanted. I still
don't. But if you want him. If you want to really be his
father, then I want that too."

He pulled the car over to the side of the road and put it in
park. He unsnapped his seatbelt and leaned over and
gathered her into his arms. There were no words now. No
way to express the explosion in his heart. She gripped him
in her embrace and buried her face in his neck and his hands
caught in her hair.

Tears slid down his cheek. He kissed her hair and closed
his eyes. They rocked in each other's arms.

"Thank you," he whispered.


Continued in part two...

 Scully sat, her fingers running along the edge of the top
picture. Will was grinning his toothless grin right at the
camera and his father-his father-was smiling down at him,
his lips curved into a fond smile. Gently Scully traced
Mulder's lips on the photo. They looked so soft, so tender.

 She felt a flush steal into her cheeks and she dropped the
pictures in her lap. Just how pathetic could she be?
Sitting here, at a quarter to midnight, stroking the image
of her partner's lips, wondering at their softness.

 Ex-partner, she reminded herself. Good friend. Best
friend. She glanced back down at the photo. Father of her
child. But not her lover. Not her husband.

 Involuntarily she touched his lips again and felt herself
smile. She had felt his lips before. On her forehead, her
hair. On her own lips, twice. Once to commemorate the
beginning of a new millennium. Once to celebrate the birth
of their son.

 Of course the beginning of the millennium had nothing to do
with it. She had known that even then. It was a test to
see how she would react. As he had said, the world hadn't
ended. It had been a nice kiss. Sweet. Chaste. And it
was an invitation that she had been very tempted to take.
But cowardice was a hard thing to shake and so she had
simply smiled and slid her arm around his waist as they
walked out of the hospital. They had never talked about it.

 But when he had gone missing, when she thought he was dead
and that he would never get to see or hold or know this
small miracle they had created together, she had so
regretted that cowardice. Regretted deeply not having the
courage of her convictions that Mulder was the only man she
wanted to spend her life with, that he was the only person
in the world who really understood her. She had begged God
for another chance to be brave. She had promised to cherish
every moment with him.

 And God had granted her wish. She had gotten not only one
miracle, but two. Mulder came back from the dead, and their
son was normal. She hadn't known how to tell him, still
weak from all he had been through, about her doubts, her
fears, about this baby. That she wanted more than anything
for it to be his and his alone. That it was a miracle and
not some freak experiment. But she couldn't say those
things, couldn't ask him to shoulder more.

 But when Will had been born and she had held his tiny
perfect self in her arms, she made another vow. That she
would tell Mulder everything. Her fears, her prayers, her
cowardice. It had all hovered on her lips when he came
through the bedroom door after she returned from the
post-natal check-up at the hospital. They had talked about
truth and fears and this miracle that was their son.
William, she had told him. His name is William, for your
father. And then he had kissed her.

 She had basked in that kiss. The soft motion of his lips
on hers. The restrained passion, the love, the tenderness
that it conveyed. It was a moment seared forever into her
heart and mind. And she thought it would be a beginning for
them. A new chapter in their relationship.

 But life had intruded, as it always did. There was the
overwhelming task of caring for a newborn. The exhaustive
tests that both of them had wanted to answer their questions
about their little boy. The humdrum of paying bills and
deciding what to do about their careers, and that talk they
needed to have had just kept getting pushed further and
further away. And in the back of her mind, there was the
niggling awareness that she was squandering one of her
miracles. Mulder could be taken away from her again at any
time. It didn't need to be a government conspiracy or
aliens. It could be a runaway bus or a virus.

 Scully looked down at the pictures and sifted through
them. Mulder kissing Will's cheek. Will grabbing Mulder's
nose. Both of them laughing. This was what she had asked
for when she had prayed to God. It was time to make good
her promise. Tomorrow was not a luxury they could afford.
That her mother with her camera had been the one to make her
see this was an irony not wasted on Scully.

 She put the pictures aside and picked up her tea. It was
cold and she went to the kitchen to warm it. The clock on
the microwave read 11:52. Mulder would still be up.
Probably watching some game on ESPN and cracking sunflower
seeds. She smiled at the image. They had shared a
companionable silence the rest of the way back from her
mother's house. An understanding had been reached and the
details they had decided to work on later.

 But later was not good enough. Not anymore. Scully picked
up the phone as the microwave buzzed. She dialed Mulder's
number and listened to the phone ring as she scooped up her
tea and made her way back into the livingroom.

 "Hello," he said and she felt her insides tremble. Can I
really do this? She wondered.

 "It's me," she said, sinking back into the couch. "Were
you sleeping?"

 "No. Just watching the Knicks get their butts kicked for
the second time in a week. Everything okay?" Concern laced
his soft baritone.

 "Everything's fine," she hastened to tell him. "Will's
sound asleep. I think Mom wore him out on his last day
there."

 "I'm sure he's happy to be home in his own bed with his own
mom," Mulder said softly.

 She sighed. "I'm glad to be home, too. I knew it would be
hard to be away from him, but I didn't know how hard. I
don't think I've had a decent night's sleep in three weeks."

 "Then you're overdue," Mulder said firmly. "Do you want me
to watch him tomorrow so you can get some extra sleep?"

 Scully's heart clenched at the thought.

 "No," she said quickly, and then realized how that
sounded. "No, I mean, I could use the sleep, but I can't
bear to be away from him. I don't mind him waking me up.
I've actually missed that, if you can believe it." She
laughed.

 "I can believe it," his voice was soft again and she knew
this was the moment.

 "Mulder," she took a deep breath. "I know it's late, but
would you mind coming over tonight? There's something--I
want to talk to you."

 "Okay," he said evenly, but she knew he was concerned.
"I'll throw on some jeans and be there in a few."

 "Okay," she said and let out a long breath. "I'll make
some tea."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 She put the plate of cookies and the steaming mug of tea on
the coffee table. A soft knock sounded on the door and she
shook her head in amusement. How did he do that? Perfect
timing always.

 Nervously she ran her fingers through her hair and
straightened her simple cotton shirt as she walked towards
the door. You're acting like it's a first date, she scolded
herself. Then again, maybe it was. She unlocked the
deadbolt, removed the chain and swung the door open. He was
wearing his leather jacket over an Oxford sweatshirt against
the November chill. One strand of hair flopped down over
his forehead and his hazel eyes regarded her warmly. Oh
God, Scully thought, I just want to kiss him.

 You made a promise to cherish every moment, she reminded
herself. Here's a moment.

 She stepped forward and kissed him on the lips, standing on
her tiptoes to reach his mouth. She felt rather than heard
his surprised intake of breath, but his lips, warm and soft,
parted slightly under hers.

 She stepped back and with an enigmatic smile, gestured for
him to come in. His hazel eyes full of questions, he did
so, shedding his jacket and laying it over the back of the
couch. He flopped down on the near end of the couch and
snagged a chocolate chip cookie.

 "Hmm," he murmured through chocolate. "When did you have
time to make cookies?"

 She sat next to him on the couch and cradled her cup of tea
to give her hands something to do.

 "My neighbor gave them to me as a homecoming gift.
Actually, I think she was happier to see Will than me. She
snatched him out of my arms as soon as I opened the door."

 Mulder swallowed the rest of the cookie and smiled, a
little smugly.

 "He does have that affect on people."

 Scully smiled.

 "Like father, like son," she murmured as she took a sip of
tea and caught the pleasantly surprised glance Mulder shot
at her. He settled back into the cushions, apparently
waiting for her to take the lead. Scully stared at the cup
in her hands and realized she didn't know where to begin.
She hadn't thought of how to say it, only what needed to be
said. In a rare moment, she was completely unprepared.

 She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. It's
Mulder. It's us. Just start.

 "Mulder," she chanced a quick glance at him and found him
regarding her intently. "I want to tell you some things.
I've been thinking since we were at Mom's. Thinking about
all the things I haven't said. Things I should have." She
looked at him again and he nodded for her to continue. She
shifted so that she was facing him and leaned back against
the couch.

 "I keep looking at those pictures that Mom took, and I keep
thinking about the ones she took tonight. They show me
something that I haven't seen before." She stopped. No,
that wasn't right. She started again.

 "They show me something that I've known, but not let myself
see." She tipped her head to look at him. "They show me
you in a way that I've never let myself see before. I
realized tonight just how much I took for granted. Things
that I had worked out in my head so much that I forgot we
had never talked about it. Things like Will's future, and
your place in it."

 "When I asked you to be my donor, it was automatic. Almost
instinctual. There was no one else I would ever ask." She
smiled wryly at him. "I don't know what that says about me,
but that's the truth. And I didn't know if you would say
yes, or how you would feel, but I remember I just wanted to
stack the odds as much in my favor as possible. So I led
you to believe that I wanted this baby only for myself.
That I didn't want you to have any part of it."

 She sighed and looked down into her cup. "That wasn't
entirely true. I didn't want you to be overwhelmed, or to
think that I was asking you to take on a responsibility that
you wouldn't want. I just--I just knew that this was right,
and I wanted you to say yes."

 "It was the right thing to do," Mulder said softly. He
reached out and touched her knee. "I don't know what I
would have said if you had not couched it in those terms. I
think I might have ducked out of sheer panic."

 She nodded, a smile curving her lips.

 "It is a rather huge thing to ask someone, especially just
out of the blue." She reached down and covered his hand
with her own. "But I think I knew from the very beginning,
that there was no way that I could have this baby--have your
baby--without you being very much a part of it."

 He rolled his hand over and squeezed hers. She looked
deeply into his eyes and felt something inside of her
slipping. Do you know? Do you know just how much you mean
to me?

 "And then, when you were gone and came back," she faltered
and he squeezed her hand hard and she squeezed back. "I
didn't want--I don't want to burden you with what it was
like. I--"

 Mulder leaned forward and she could feel his eyes boring
into her.

 "Tell me," he said huskily. "I'm ready to hear it now."

 She nodded and bit her lip, surprised to feel tears burning
behind her eyes.

 "I prayed for you to come back, Mulder. I begged God to
let me find you and bring you home. And-and then I did and
I thought you were dead. You were dead. I saw them put you
in the ground and..." a tear escaped and slid down her
cheek. "I was so angry. I was so angry at God for taking
you away from me. And I all I could think about was that
you would never know this child. You would never hold him or
see him and I just couldn't accept that."

 He was caressing her hand with his thumb now, soothing her
even as his eyes asked her to continue. She swiped at her
eyes and continued.

 "And I was so worried about the baby. Afraid that it
wasn't human, that it wasn't yours. That it was some
freak. But I loved it already. So much. And I didn't want
to. I fought that because I was afraid it would be born and
my heart would be broken. I just couldn't take that. I
couldn't imagine losing both of you."

 His other hand reached up and wiped the tears on her
cheeks. She leaned her face against his palm and closed her
eyes. It all seemed a lifetime ago, and yet it permeated
every breath between them. She went on.

 "I prayed for God to bring you back, " she whispered. "I
begged, demanded, promised. I swore I would cherish every
moment if he would give you back to me." She opened her
eyes and looked up at him.

 "And He did. He gave you back. And he gave us Will. I
realized tonight that I hadn't kept my end of the bargain.
Not even close."

 Mulder tilted his head and looked at her.

 "What is it that you think you need to do, Scully?"

 "Tell you," she whispered. "Tell you that I have always
wanted you to be Will's father. That I want you to be there
when he takes his first step, says his first word. That I
want you to love him as much as I do."

 Now there were tears glistening in Mulder's eyes. He
cupped her face with both hands.

 "I do," he said, and his voice cracked. "I do love him. I
want to be there for all of that. I want..." and now the
tears were brimming. "I want him to love me. I don't know
if that is possible. I don't know if I can be loved."

 "You don't know if you can allow yourself to be loved."

 He nodded. "Yes, that. But I don't know if he could love
me. What kind of father am I going to be? I didn't exactly
have a great role model. I certainly don't fit any kind of
standard-"

 Scully reached up and grasped his hands as they cradled her
face.

 "You love him, that's all it takes for him to love you
back."

 A single tear slid down his cheek.

 "Is it really that simple? I love him and he returns that,
no questions asked?"

 Scully smiled.

 "Yes. It's called unconditional love and I assure you that
you already have it."

 He smiled back as the tear slid to his chin. She reached
out and wiped it with her fingertip, bringing it back to her
lips where she kissed its warm wetness. He watched her, his
eyes fixed on her lips. There's more, she thought. You
haven't told it all.

 She leaned forward and her lips touched his chin where the
tear had been. Slowly, she kissed her way up the wet trail
to his left eye, which she kissed with utter tenderness, his
eyelashes tickling her lips. She pulled away for a moment,
waiting for him to open his eyes. He did so, slowly, their
hazel countenance soft and grateful and wondering.

 "I've been a coward for a long time," she said softly.
"Even when I got my miracle, I was still a coward. I've let
everything and everyone take precedence so I could hide.
But it's time for me to deserve all that I've gotten."

 "You don't have to say anything for me-" Mulder insisted
softly. Scully put a finger over his lips.

 "Yes, I do." She looked at him for a long moment,
memorizing his face, his eyes, the feel of his hands on her
face. "Will's not the only one that loves you. I do. I
love you."

 Mulder's eyes closed and he drew in a deep breath before
expelling it in a rush. Scully felt her heart hammering
against her ribs. What if she had misread him? What if he
didn't love her that way and she had just put him in a
terrible spot?

 Mulder's hands sought out hers and without opening his
eyes, he pressed a kiss into each of her palms. She watched
him, a rush of gratitude suffusing her at his exquisite
tenderness.

 Mulder opened his eyes and she found herself awash in their
hazel depths.

 "I have imagined you saying that a thousand times," he
said, a wry smile creasing his lips. "A thousand different
scenarios." He kissed her palms again. "But my imagination
doesn't hold a candle to the real thing. Thank you,
Scully."

 She chuckled a little, the tension easing in her chest.

 "For loving you?"

 He smiled at her.

 "Yes. And for telling me."

 "Finally," she muttered. It was her turn to be wry and it
earned her another smile.

 "It was worth waiting for."

 They sat on the sofa, smiling at each other like errant
children until Mulder leaned forward and Scully felt her
heart resume its frantic knocking. She watched as his mouth
moved closer to hers and his eyes zeroed in on her lips.
Her eyes fluttered shut as his lips brushed against hers.

 "Oh," she breathed and found herself reaching for him,
pulling him closer. A tingle zipped along her spine as
their lips meshed. She felt the insistent tip of his tongue
probing forward until she opened her mouth to him and let
her tongue dart forward. He groaned in response and pulled
her closer.

 They kissed again and again, each one deeper, longer, more
intense until they were forced to come up for air. Scully
was remotely surprised and not at all displeased to find
herself sitting on Mulder's lap, his strong arms wrapped
around her. She pulled back slightly to look into his face.

 "I love you," he murmured.

 "I love you, Mulder," she said softly. "And from now on, I
want all the pictures to have the three of us together. As
a family."

 "A family," Mulder said, as though tasting the words. "My
family." He brushed the tip of his nose against hers. "I
like the sound of that, Scully. Our family. Together."

 "Always," she breathed against his mouth. He returned her
kiss, but a smile hovered around his lips and she quirked an
eyebrow at him.

 "Always," he repeated. "Or until you get tired of
sunflower seeds, the Knicks and my permanent insomnia."

 She laughed and began ticking things off on her fingers.

 "I'm buying ashtrays for the shells, we'll have two TVs and
I'll just have to think of a way to wear you out so that you
sleep better."

 She laughed again and Mulder's eyebrows did the high jump.
Then she wriggled suggestively around in his lap before
shooting him a look from beneath her lashes.

 "And you know that video collection that you don't own? I
think that would make a very nice Christmas gift for
Frohike, don't you?"

 Mulder's mouth was slightly open and she took the
opportunity to kiss it before nuzzling along his neck.

 "So, are we going to sit here all night, or are we going to
bed?"

 He gave her a most definitive answer.


The End!


AUTHOR'S NOTES: I want to thank Bonetree who beta'd part
one (for content only). Her insight and encouragement were
enormously helpful and her writing continues to be a great
inspiration for me. Don't blame her for any mistakes here;
they're all mine.

A special thanks to Aly who has put together a website for
me. THANK YOU, ALY! We've just started on this, so check
back for new fic, recs and some great links!

Feedback feeds the lonely writer!