Title: Summer's Chill
Author: Kris
Disclaimer: it's been a long time for me...I hope I remember how. okay, I've
got it. I don't own THEM...I don't make money from THEM...I mean no harm to
THEM or their owners.
Category: MS?? (this is one of those...you pick the ending...I know some of
you hate it, but read it anyway...there's nothing better to do (don't argue
with me here, just go along)...

Summary: After a decade, he thinks he's found her again.

Warnings/Author's Notes: any warnings would detract from the story, IMHO.
take your chances, place your bets. sorry I haven't been around much, but I've
been reading all the stuff that's come across the wire--it's been wonderful,
you guys! my life is a soap opera, I tell you. don't ask. but I got chased
by 40 cows and a bull today. *that* was an interesting experience. I didn't
even have to go to Spain for it!!!

*****************************

Kathryn Sullivan scanned the softball field, her eyes seeking out the
familiar mop of soft brown hair. Wrinkling her brow, she tried to place the
man her daughter was conversing with. Quite certain that he wasn't one of the
team fathers, there was still something vaguely familiar about the tall, lanky
form.

"Kate? Katie??"

Reluctantly, she tore her eyes from her daughter and the stranger and
looked in the direction of the voice calling her name. Waving, she walked
towards Spencer Davis. "Hi, Spencer. Another win?" Kate admired the muscular
physique, topped with unruly black hair and smoky grey eyes. No wonder he was
the most sought after bachelor in Boulder. And he could be hers, if she
wanted him....Then what was she waiting for?? Her husband had been gone for
almost ten years. Spencer was wonderful to her, loved her daughter...

"We remain undefeated. You missed a great game. Sami batted in the
winning run." He grinned. "Needless to say, she's incredibly pumped up. "
Spencer draped an arm across the slender shoulders and looked down at her, an
adoring expression on his face. "How's the medical profession holding up after
another day with you at the reigns?"

Kate rolled her eyes heavenward from beneath her sunglasses. Her job
was great, allowed her plenty of time at home with Sami, she loved the medical
profession...but she always felt like something was missing. Heading up
pathological research for an exclusive facility just didn't really seem her
style...not that she knew what her style even was. "Oh, you know, the usual.
Viruses, bacteria, mildew...." her voice trailed off as she stared up at him.
"How was court?"

He mimicked her facial expression. "Oh, you know, the usual.
Overruled, overruled, and overruled again."

"Another win, I take it?" Spencer was a powerhouse in the courtroom.

"Yep." They walked to the edge of the hill that looked down on the
playing field.

"How's Dani? Did she play well?"

"They all played well. Dani's distressed, of course. How is she ever
going to survive two whole weeks without seeing Samantha?"

Kate smiled fondly. Their nine-year-old daughters were inseparable.
Every June it was a battle to tear them apart for the three weeks Kate and Sam
spent at their South Carolina beach house--despite the fact that Danielle
always spent the last week there with them. "As usual, they will survive.
Speaking of, Sami and I need to get going. We're driving part of the way
tonight."

"Okay, I'll call you in a few days?" Spencer looked at her hopefully.

He'd been trying to wrangle an invitation for *himself* to spend that last week
there with Kate and the girls for the past three summers. So far, he'd been
unerringly unsuccessful. He just didn't get it. There was always something a
little distant about Kathryn Sullivan and those elusive blue eyes of hers.
She'd lived in Boulder, alone, since Sam was born. Her husband Bill had been
killed in a car accident only two months before she moved there from Wisconsin.
And that was *all* anyone knew about her.

"Okay." She turned back to the field. "Sami Kay! Let's go!"

************************

Samantha Sullivan looked up towards her mother and waved. "That's my
mom," she told the FBI man. "I have to go. We're driving to South
Carolina...we go every year. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Mr. Mulder. I
hope you find the man in the picture."

Fox Mulder let out a breath. "Thanks, anyway, Samantha." He tried not
to stumble over the name. Damn, but this little girl could have been a dead
ringer...except for those eyes. And those eyes...

The little girl wrinkled her dirty little nose, spattered with dust and
a few faint freckles. "It's just Sam or Sami...or Sami Kay. That's what my
mom calls me. Kathryn's my middle name," she told him as she dashed off 
up the hill towards her mother.

The past flooded back as Mulder remembered another set of beautifully
clear sapphire blue eyes that could look all the way inside him and touch his
soul. The ever present ache in his chest tightened painfully around his heart,
and he had a difficult time remembering how to breathe as a tingle of
suspicion edged its way up his spine. Frantically, he dashed up the hill,
seeing Samantha hop into a silver BMW convertible just before it sped away. He
thought he saw a flash of brilliant red hair in the driver's seat. <It's been
ten years, Mulder, and you still see her at every turn. Stop torturing
yourself.> But he couldn't. He never would. Ten years she'd been gone. He
still paid the rent on her apartment, kept everything just like it had been
before she disappeared. Vanished, into thin air. He'd left her an hour before
work one Tuesday morning. And he'd never heard from her again. He'd never
stopped looking; not a single moment passed that he didn't think of her.

He ran a hand through his still-brown, still-unruly hair. This had
really been a frustrating case. Maybe he'd do a little digging on Samantha
Katherine's mother. Or maybe he shouldn't. Maybe things would be better; not
for him, for her. Could he take that chance? Could he let his one chance at
knowing the truth pass him by? It could just be one big coincidence.
Sighing, he turned and walked slowly towards his rental car. Mechanically, he
started the car and drove away, letting the summer breeze lap at the chill that
enveloped his heart.

******************
******************

Kate glanced for what seemed the thousandth time towards her daughter.
Usually, Sam was a bundle of unbridled energy on these road trips. Today,
however, she had settled into the passenger with very little ado, a pensive
look upon her tiny, little face. She was seemingly engrossed in a science
fiction thriller for young adults and had been for the past three hours. But
Kate knew better. She would have finished the book by now had she really been
reading. It wasn't unusual for Sami to be so quiet around others, but not when
it was just the two of them.

Sometimes, Kate worried so much about her daughter that she felt panic
rise up inside her. Sam's eyes were so solemn for a child her age; and at
times, Kate had the eerie feeling that her daughter could see straight through
her. Reaching her right hand across to the passenger seat, Kate ruffled the
little girl's windblown hair. "What's wrong, baby?"

Sam took her time closing her book, smoothing the cover so the binding
wouldn't fall apart. Finally, she looked up into her mother's eyes, so like
her own. "Nothing. The game wore me out, I guess. You didn't make it in time,
huh?"

Kate felt a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, Sami. I really tried..."

"Mom, don't worry about it. You were at all but three games this
season." She wrinkled her nose distastefully. "What is that smell?"

"I don't know." The redhead sniffed deliberately. "Want me to put the
top up?"

Sam shrugged. "Nah. It'll pass, probably." She paused, trying to
think of a way to divert the attention from herself. Her mother's concern for
her was almost tangible sometimes. "Hey, guess what."

"What?" Kate saw the girls eyes light up enthusiastically. She was
making a comeback.

"There was this article in the newspaper, about this six year old girl,
who was receiving messages from the radio....and they were really a code for a
nuclear missile sequence or something...and the radio wasn't even *on*...and the
military came and took her in and everything because she was a bree, um, a
threat to national security!!" Samantha practically bounced as she turned
herself to face her mother and fought against the restraints of the seatbelt.

Kate rolled her eyes. *Where* did this kid get her interest in this
stuff? It couldn't have been from her side of the family...could it? But
there was something about the story that Kate couldn't quite place...a feel of
deja vu. Get a grip, she told herself. That is the story of your life.

************************

Mulder waited impatiently at the airport terminal, pacing like a caged
animal. He had checked *everything* he possibly could about Kathryn Sullivan.
And everything added up. Her husband Bill had been a surgeon. Maiden name
Quinn. They had attended the same medical school. A made in heaven marriage,
Kathryn had decided to sit out after marriage to stay home. Coming home after
a dinner party one night, her husband had wrecked the car they were in. Kate
woke up to find her husband had died instantly...and that she was pregnant.
She had moved from Madison, Wisconsin to Boulder, Colorado...finished her
studies and gotten a great job. End of story. He'd even seen her high school
and college transcripts. He knew that the truth was out there. But so were
the lies. Who would have taken such pains...everything was just a little *too*
perfect about this whole situation. Too obvious...but then again...he was just
a little *too* desperate.

************************

"Sami Kay!! I'm going for a run, all right? Don't go too far
out...I'll be just down the beach." Kate waited for the response before she
stretched and let her feet pound into the wet sand. She looked good for her
age...at least, that's what she thought. She may be thirty-six, but most
people didn't take her for a day over thirty...even after they met Sam. Then
again, Sam was incredibly small. Very petite...but definitely not fragile.
Given the life Kate had led, she felt lucky it hadn't manifested itself on her
face. But on the inside, sometimes it was all just a little too much. There
were scars she couldn't even begin to heal--because she didn't understand them
herself. Emotional holes that left her chilled to the bone, even in the middle
of summer. But Sami filled those holes. She was Kate's life. And there was
always something about the ocean that soothed Kate. She ran faster, not
knowing whether she was outrunning the past, trying to catch it, or just trying
to stay afloat.

*************************

Mulder looked at the child wandering aimlessly down the beach, stopping
periodically to rescue a hermit crab from the undertow, talk to it, then
replace it gently into the surf. Mesmerized, he watched as she leaned her head
back and made her way soundlessly into the water, until it was over her head.
He almost panicked until, minutes later, the head reappeared, then started the
ritual all over again. The long ringlets of brown silk captured his attention
more than anything else. The way the sunbeams played off of the water
droplets, creating a blinding light. As though suddenly aware of being
watched, the child turned and walked just as calmly out of the water.

"So we meet again," Mulder proclaimed as he hoisted himself down into
the sand, hoping to meet the child on her own level. When the blue eyes stared
down out him relentlessly, he felt unnerved...perhaps it would have been wiser
to remain standing.

Samantha studied the man for a moment, remembering every moment of
their conversation from four days earlier, every fleck of green in the hazel
eyes. She looked for any signs of malicious intent in the eyes, seeing only a
fathomless emptiness that disarmed her perception. A bit frightened, she
cocked her head to one side and dropped down in front of him, mimicking his
position and facial expression. She knew from experience with her mother that
sometimes she could tell what Kate was thinking by imitating her stance and
expression. Sam wasn't really even aware that she did it. It came from years
of so much going unspoken. Finally, she wrinkled her brow and averted her
eyes. "Is this supposed to be a coincidence, Mr. Mulder?" She had a great
vocabulary. She had to in order to keep up with her mother.

Mulder raised his eyebrows. "Is that so unbelievable? The world is a
crazy place, Sami Kay."

Trying to decide whether or not to be affronted by the stranger's use
of her mother's name for her, Sam gave him a no-nonsense look. She was careful
to stay a safe distance from him--always just out of arm's reach. "I suppose.
But you can't believe everything you read and hear." That was her mother's
favorite retort.

Mulder raised his eyebrows even further if at all possible. But he
waited for the girl to lead the conversation. She didn't disappoint him.
"What's your first name?"

Sucking in a breath, he responded, "Fox. But no one ever calls me
that. It's just Mulder."

Sam didn't seem to think that unusual. "The fox is my mom's favorite
animal. She has this painting, in her bedroom. It doesn't go with anything
else she owns. At night, when I walk through, its eyes follow me." The man's
interest level went up at the mention of her mother. Samantha made a mental
note of that, still not realizing it.

"Where is your mother?" he asked casually.

"She's around. Why?" Sam didn't think she liked where this was
heading. "Are you investigating her?"

Mulder looked perplexed. "Why would I investigate your mother?"

"Good question. Are you?" Sam refused to break eye contact. It was a
strange game she and her mother played often. She didn't know why, but it was
important in the world of adults.

"What about your father? Are foxes his favorite animal, too?" Mulder
evaded the question with what he thought was stream-of-conscious sure win.

"You probably know as well as I do."

"What do you mean?" Mulder leaned in, Sami leaned back.

"I never knew my father."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She shrugged. "Don't be. I'm not. I have my mother."

A strong wind blew, making Mulder shiver. Those eyes had seen more
than any nine year old should have to see, if her tone was any indication.
"She must be a hell of a woman."

"My opinion would probably be entirely subjective." Sami paused. "Do
you play frisbee?"

Mulder stood up. "Sure."

"I bet I'm better than you." She picked up the toy and backed away,
hurling it into the wind. The man made a dive for it...and came up covered in
sand from head to toe. He was so tall, the sight of him all disoriented made
laughter start bubbling up inside of her. Samantha was shocked to find herself
suddenly in the midst of uncontrollable giggles. But she couldn't help
herself.

His ego at stake, Mulder scooped up a handful of sand and made a dash
for the girl, who flew shrieking down the beach, stumbling over a washed up
log. She came up just as sand covered as he, only to have the handful of sand
dumped into her hair. Kicking water at the man, Sami made her way further down
the beach, backing him up as she went, water flying everywhere.

Mulder stopped abruptly as his tall, fit form backed into a smaller,
curvier body. He hadn't really aged physically over the past ten years. It was
something he'd only become aware of recently. Naturally, he was pursuing the
reason for this anomaly but to no avail. A pair of hands thrust him forward
again. Closing his eyes, Mulder stepped back in time, relishing the feel of
hands and a body he thought he'd never feel again. He would know that body
anywhere, anytime. And those hands. His head was spinning as Samantha bumped
into him, still kicking water. It was just enough to throw him off balance
when she slipped effortlessly out of his way, with the grace of a dancer.
Mulder caught himself as he fell backwards into the sand, taking the person
behind him down as well. He was aware of tangled limbs as he tried to sit up
again. Mulder willed himself to breathe as he opened his eyes and stared into
the face of Dana Scully, looking exactly the same as she had that morning ten
years ago.

*****************

Mulder's vision swam as he looked into the wide, startled eyes of his
former partner. Snaking one hand around to the back of her neck, he gained
enough leverage to bury his face in her hair as he fought to hold his tears in
check. "Scully," he whispered around the lump in his throat.

Startled, Kate jerked away from the man's embrace, trying to stand up.
"Are you all right?" she asked nervously. He was behaving rather oddly, even
in light of the circumstances. Perhaps he had hit his head on a rock or
something when they fell. She got no response. He just sat there in the sand,
staring at her.

Feeling bereft at the loss of her warmth, to his heart and his body,
Mulder shivered once again. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?" What a loaded
question. She was acting so strangely. He began to suspect that he was
right--she hadn't wanted to be found. Finally, he dragged his eyes away from
her long enough to look at Samantha. As the pieces fell into place, anger and
bitterness welled inside of him, the extent of which he never thought himself
capable of feeling.

Kate nodded belatedly, completely dumbfounded, mesmerized by the warmth
and passion behind those hazel eyes. Then, an instant later, the warmth was
gone; had she imagined it? She spied Sami, who was looking to her for
guidance, wondering how to perceive this situation. Trying to pull herself
together, Kathryn reached a hand towards her daughter. Sami took it,
sidestepping Mulder, drawing herself into the shelter of her mother's
familiarity and comfort. "Why don't you go inside and get cleaned up, Baby?"

"Okay." Lingering for a moment longer, the girl walked towards the
house, looking back over her shoulder at Mulder. Should she fear her mother's
safety? No, he didn't seem threatening. She was almost in the back door when
she heard the yelling.

"How could you, Scully? How could you do this to me? To us?"
Frightened, Samantha turned around to find anger rolling off of the FBI agent
like waves of heat. Pacing so wildly, she thought for a second he was going to
hit her mother.

"I trusted you," Mulder ground out.

Kate's eyes widened even more. "You are obviously mistaken. Perhaps
even delusional. Did you hit your head when you fell?"

Mulder laughed harshly. "I was delusional, all right. Were you never
even going to let me know about my daughter's existence? What gave you the
right to make such a choice? Holier-than-thou...are you really that
self-righteous?" He was out of control; he knew it but was unable to stop.

"I'm afraid you're mistaking me for someone else. Is there anyone I
can call for you?" She bit her lip anxiously, tucking a loose strand of hair
behind her ear.

"No, there's no one you can call." Then it hit him. The way she was
looking at him...like she'd never seen him before. "Scully...don't you
recognize me?"

"Listen, mister. I don't know who you are, but I'm not this Scully
person. My name is Kathryn Sullivan. Kate to most people. I'm sorry about
the misunderstanding." And she really was sorry. There was a part of her who
*wanted* to recognize him, *needed* to recognize him.

Mulder didn't think he could feel more betrayed than he had moments
before. But he did. Was this an act? If it was, it was a damn good one.
Walking towards her, he extended his hand, deciding the best thing was to play
along. "Right, the misunderstanding." What irony. "I owe you an apology.
I...I had hoped you were someone else."

Kate blinked. "That was an odd way of conveying such 'hope.' Whoever
you thought I was, you certainly didn't seem very happy to see her."

"It's sort of a long story," he commented.

"Right. Do you have a name? I noticed that you knew Samantha?" What
was she missing here? *Was* she supposed to know this man?

"Right, Sami and I met a few days ago. At the softball field in
Boulder. I work for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Fox Mulder," he
managed, extending a hand.

Instantly, her defenses went up. It was like a chill ran down her
spine in a higher form of awareness than the conscious mind could process.
"What brings you here, Mr. Mulder?" Surely, she wasn't being investigated.

"It's part of that long story I told you about."

"I must say that my curiosity is piqued." She was fishing, but there
was something about this man that she just couldn't resist.

"Likewise."

Still feeling out of sorts, Kate shook her head. "Mind if I see some
I.D.?"

Mulder produced his badge, thinking any minute he would wake up on his
couch in a cold sweat. She examined it, then handed it back to him. "And
yours?"

Humor him, Kathryn. "Sure. Can you come up to the house?" He nodded
and she led the way up the beach. Mulder fought the urge to place his hand at
the small of her back.

****************************

Sam peered out through the sliding glass doors, watching her mother and
'Mulder' approach. From what she could gather, the man thought he knew her
mom, but her mom hadn't recognized him. Well, stranger things had happened.

Mulder stepped through the doors awkwardly. Scully...er, Kate, took
out a photo I.D. and handed it to him. He glanced around him at the decor.
Everything about it screamed Scully to him. The question from her startled
him; she had never used such an impersonal tone with him before.

Sami studied Mulder with suspicion, tucking herself once again into
Kate's shelter--not because *she* feared Mulder, but because she sensed
the strained note in her mother's voice.

"Will that be all, Agent Mulder?" Kate struggled to regain her
equilibrium. She felt like a lot was riding on this conversation, though she
had no idea why. Not being in complete control of herself unnerved her.

Mulder was stunned at her dismissal. He was *certain* she was Scully.
There were no other eyes that color blue. Hair quite that red. A part of him
wanted to grab onto her and never let her go again. But another, more insecure
part, wouldn't let him. Either she had left him and never wanted to see him
again or she didn't remember him at all. While he wanted to pursue the issue,
the assault on his senses was just too much at the moment. And then there was
Sami. Why had she named her daughter Samantha? *Their* ? daughter Samantha?
He thought back to the conversation they'd had about having children and gene
pools. Feeling sick and overwhelmed, all he could manage was a rather weak,
"Yeah, that's all."

"In that case, you know your way out."

As he walked past Samantha, he cupped her face tenderly and planted a
light kiss on the girl's forehead. "You look a lot like a little girl I used to
know with all that beautiful hair," he whispered.

Sami was perplexed. "You look like someone I should know," she said in
a whisper. Mulder wrinkled his brow, not understanding what she meant. But
the girl latched back onto her mother, loyal to a fault. Mulder took one last
look over his shoulder before exiting back onto the beach.

Kate felt her eyes stinging and couldn't speak for the lump in her
throat. Disentangling herself from Sami, she ran out onto the beach.
She called out to his retreating form, noting the defeated slump of his
shoulders, wanting nothing more than to comfort him at that moment.
But her cry was lost to the howl of the wind. He never looked back.

*******************

Restless still, Kate eyed her daughter over the top of the magazine.
She had been so flustered and disoriented since the departure of Agent Fox
Mulder that she had pretty much alienated Sami. She just didn't understand
what she was feeling. And to make matters worse, Sami had awakened every night
since the FBI agent's visit suffering from nightmares. When Kate tried to
comfort her, the little girl was inconsolable. She would sob and draw her
knees to her chest, and say over and over again, "I just want my daddy."

Samantha had, of course, never known her father. She had rarely even asked
about him. For which, Kate was extremely grateful, as she couldn't even
remember him. The nighttime episodes took a toll on Kate's emotions much like
an Arctic winter. She felt helpless, watching her daughter sob herself into
the hiccups, then eventually go back to sleep, finally allowing herself to be
held. Sami never talked about the dreams. Kate wasn't even sure that the
little girl remembered them. But the solemn creature before her wasn't the
daughter she had known for nine years. Whatever was going on, Kate hoped 
that Dani and Spencer's visit would help.

At her wit's end, Kate had invited Spencer to come out and stay with
his daughter this time. Sami had a good rapport with Spencer, and perhaps all
the girl needed was a father figure at the moment. Maybe it was time she
thought about moving forward with her life, taking that next step towards a
relationship. It would certainly be good for Sami.

Sami caught her mother staring at her. "What?" she asked. "Do I have
ketchup on my face?"

Kate shook her head. "No. Are you excited about seeing Dani?"

The girl doodled in her notebook. "I guess." She paused. "Why did you
have to invite Spencer? It's always just the girls here. It won't be the
same."

"I thought you liked Spencer." Kate wondered why Sami was choosing now
to be petulant.

Samantha shrugged. "He's not my father. He never will be." She went
back to her drawings.

Taking the art pad and setting it aside, Kate lifted her daughter's
chin with one finger. "No, he will never be your father. What's wrong, Baby?
What can I do?"

Fighting back tears, and ignoring the fact that she was too old to sit
in her mother's lap, Sami abandoned her seat on the couch and crawled into the
armchair with Kate. "I don't know, momma. I just hurt." She sniffed once,
twice, then didn't bother to keep from crying.

"Where?" Kate soothed the crying child as best she could, feeling that
nothing she did would be good enough.

"All over," she hiccupped. "Inside." She looked to her mother's eyes
for understanding.

And she found it. "I know, Sami Kay. I hurt, too. I just don't know
why."

***************************

Spencer Davis looked up from the puzzle he and the girls were working
on to Kate's slender form moving about the kitchen. "Need some help, Katie?"

"No, I got it." She washed the lettuce and began slicing the tomatoes.

Dani piped up one end of the table. "Is it going to rain all week?"
she grumbled.

Sami lifted her head, puzzle pieces in each hand. "Probably. There is
a tropical storm, you know."

Danielle scoffed. "What a stupid vacation spot."

"You didn't have to come." Samantha glared at her friend across the
table.

The other little girl glared back. "I wish I hadn't."

Sami stood up. "I wish you hadn't, either.. You're being a spoiled
brat, Dan*ielle*."

"You *are* a spoiled brat, Sa*mantha*."

Kathryn gritted her teeth. The girls had been bickering for two days
now. Her nerves were completely frayed and Spencer's presence wasn't helping
at all. "Samantha Kathryn, Dani and Spencer are our guests," she warned.

Sami returned the comment full force. "Then you would *think* they'd be
a little more appreciative." Kate could see the girl's fists clenching and
unclenching. Another two minutes and all hell would break loose.

"That's it. Both of you. Upstairs. Right now. In separate rooms.
I've had enough. Spencer's had enough. Either work this out or stay away from
each other. Spencer and I are going to have a nice, relaxing dinner. If the
two of you can make amends and join us, that's fine. Until then, I don't want
to see either of you, do you understand?" Kate felt comfortable enough with
Dani to issue such commands. The little girl practically lived at their house,
or Sami at theirs. She couldn't figure what had gotten into them this week.

"Fine," Sami muttered, too tired to fight anymore. Dani slapped the
puzzle pieces down and trailed the other girl up the stairs. When Kate talked
like that, there was no changing her mind.

Looking at Spencer, Kate managed a wry grin. "Well...."

"Alone at last," he laughed. He was so happy Kate had invited him
here. Now if only he could figure out what had her so distracted.

Kate rolled her eyes heavenward. "And I used to want a house full of
children."

"You did?"

She did? Where had that come from? "Can I get you something to drink?
Something incredibly alcoholic perhaps? We're going to need it if that storm
turns inland..."

Spencer laughed. "No, thanks. Not just yet. But if there's an iced
tea in that fridge..." He watched the view of Kate leaning into the fridge
admiringly.

Kate stood up, producing a bottle. "Sorry, how about a root bee--"
She trailed off and looked at the bottle, which slipped from her hand,
shattering into a thousand pieces at her feet. Spencer was up and out of his
chair the moment the color drained from Kathryn's face.

"Katie? What is it?" He grabbed her arm gently and led her away from
the glass shards.

"I...it's...Spencer, I'm sorry. I just remembered, Sami and I have to
go to Washington. Will you and Dani be all right? I'm sorry." Kate walked
out of the kitchen in a daze, leaving an open-mouthed man to clean up the root
beer.

*********

Fox Mulder tossed restlessly on the couch, where he spent all of his
nights. He wondered yet again about Scully/Kate. Where to go from here, what
to think, how to feel...he'd been through this so many times that he was numbed
beyond feeling anything. Nothing made sense to him anymore. He was living in
a world gone mad. And for the first time ever, he considered having to live
the rest of his life without Dana Scully. There wasn't much of a life to live
if it had come to that. As he lay there, an old song, from around the time he
had met Scully came on the radio. Mulder let the lyrics wash over him,
snatches of memory mingling with the empty feeling in his heart.

Last time I saw her it was turning colder,
But that was years ago.
Last I heard she had moved to Boulder
Where she's now I don't know.
There's something bout this time of year,
That spins my head around
Takes me back, makes me wonder...
What's she doing now...

What was she doing now? Was she sleeping peacefully? Was Sami sick?
Was she alone? Was she lonely?

Cause what she's doing now
is tearing me apart
Filling up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows...
What she's doing now.

She couldn't possibly know. If she knew what she was doing to
him...Scully would never have let him hurt this bad.

Just for laughs I dialed her old number,
But no one knew her name.
Hung up the phone, sat there and wondered
If she'd ever done the same.
I took a walk in the evening wind
To clear my head somehow.
But tonight I lie her thinking...
What's she doing now?

Cause what she's doing now...
Is tearing me apart
Filling up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows....
What she's doing now.

The knock at the door finally penetrated the haze that had wrapped
itself around Mulder's being. He opened the door a crack and froze. He never
thought he'd be standing here like this again. A million thoughts ran through
his head, the most prominent being that if he closed the door to undo the
chain, she may not be there when he reopened it.

"I, I know it's late." Late? It was three thirty in the morning.
"May I come in?"

Mulder finally slung the door open. She stepped inside the apartment.
It was like entering a time warp. Unsure of what to say next, Mulder forced
himself to say, "Ms. Sullivan? What can I do for you?"

He saw her chin tremble, then she lifted it stubbornly. "Please,
Mulder, don't. Just don't." She took a step towards him, holding out a hand.

Mulder considered the implications of her actions. It had all been an
act? Where was Sami? Why was she here? But none of these things mattered.
He extended his own hand, and she took it, stepping a little closer with every
breath. Mulder let her set the pace, trying not to be drawn in, not to pull
her to him so he could feel her heart beat.

Finally, she was so close that when she looked up, his mouth was right
there. With her free hand, she pulled his head down to hers. "Mulder." It
was an affirmation, as much for her as it was for him. Then, unable to hold it
in any longer, her emotions set themselves free. Tears pooled in her eyes, as
she begged him, "Say it, Mulder. Say my name."

"Scully," he whispered, wiping away a tear. She issued a sound that,
to Mulder, sounded like a strangled laugh, husky and full of pain. Pain that
was about to come to an end, he hoped. She hoped.

Unable to stand it any longer, her lips met his in an explosion of
emotion, past, present, future...her fingers threaded through his hair tightly,
unwilling to let go for even a second. "Please," she whispered. "Make love to
me, Mulder..." Mulder couldn't hear over the roaring in his ears, but he
thought she said, "Make it stop hurting."

By unspoken consent, they dropped to the floor, neither sure that their
legs would even carry them to the bedroom, neither wanting to delay this moment
for even a second. Dana Scully's last coherent thought, before giving herself
over to all that she was feeling, was, "home. finally."

************************

Somewhere along the way, they had eventually made it to the bed. He
still owned a bed, Scully was happy to realize. Now, Mulder lay there, holding
her as tight as he dared, wondering what would happen from here. Was she going
to be in his life for good? Or would she walk away, disappear again, leaving
him again with nothing but pain? What about Samantha She had to be his
daughter. Nothing made sense to him except the way Scully felt to him, lying
there, after all that had happened, sleeping peacefully. As if no time had
passed. Where was Sami? The phone startled him out of his reverie. Trying to
get to it quickly, wondering who would be calling at six-thirty in the morning
on a Saturday, Mulder succeeded in knocking it off the nightstand. Scully
roused at the noise, then cuddled back down into the safe cocoon of Mulder's
arms.

"Mulder."

A very familiar voice came across the line. "Fox, it's Maggie." Did
she know yet? How would she feel, knowing that her daughter had been alive and
well all this time, never once bothering to contact her? That she had a
beautiful granddaughter she had never known? "Is, well, is Dana there?"

Okay, so she knew something. Suspicion, never far from his mind,
tugged at his heart. "Yes, she is. Hold on, Mrs. Scully."

Margaret Scully cringed. Not the Mom to which she had grown so
accustomed. Not even Maggie. "Fox, wait, it's not what you think. I didn't
know either, until she showed up at my door five hours ago, with nothing but
one sleepy little girl in tow. She introduced me to my granddaughter, kind of,
then raced off, saying she had something to take care of. And could I please
look after Sami. I had a feeling I'd find her there."

Mulder breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't known. And if Scully had
taken Sami to her mother's...that meant she wasn't likely to disappear again,
right? He tightened his arm around her.

"Who's on the phone, Spook?" Scully mumbled into his neck, trying to
find warmth again.

"I'm sorry to bother you...." Maggie trailed off, hearing her
daughter's groggy voice, laced with sleepy affection. "But it's Sami. She's
had nightmares and I can't seem to comfort her. She just keeps asking for her
daddy."

Mulder's heart twisted. "We'll be right there, Mom." He hung up the
phone and slipped out of the bed. "Scully, that was your mom. Sami's having
nightmares. She can't get her to stop crying." He couldn't believe that
Scully had left the little girl in the hands of someone, who was a complete
stranger, in the middle of the night. Even if that someone was the little
girl's grandmother. Whom she should have known all along.

That had Scully up and dressed within five minutes. Once in the car,
she noticed Mulder's aloofness. "Mulder, what's wrong?"

His jaw twitched. "What the hell do you think is wrong? I don't hear
from you for ten years and then.....and you have the nerve to act like
nothing's happened?" He paused, then continued. "And you leave your daughter
in the hands of someone who is a complete stranger to her, in a strange city,
while you fuck around with me?"

Scully didn't have the time to explain it to him right then. "Mulder,
you don't understand."

"You're damn right I don't understand."

"Mulder, don't do this. You don't even know what's going on. Just
give me a chance to explain." They pulled up in front of Margaret's house.
"Right now, however, we have to get to Sami. She's not going to stop crying
until we get there." Scully had a theory, she hated to admit, that she
wanted to test. She knew Mulder was the only one who could be Sami's father.

But did he? Did Sami? How could Samantha have known? Finally reaching the
bed her daughter was in, Scully scooped her up and crooned softly, "It's okay,
Baby. Momma's here."

The little bundle clung tightly to Scully. "I wwwa-wwaant m-myy
daddy."

"SShhh...I know you do, Baby." Scully kissed the wet cheeks softly,
trying to make her feel safe. She motioned for Mulder to come sit beside her
on the bed, which he did, looking hesitantly at Samantha. He hadn't been
around a crying child in...had he ever been around a crying child?

Even asleep, Sami was perceptive enough to feel Mulder's presence.
Scully slid the sleeping child, tears, cries, and all onto Mulder's lap.
Looking shell-shocked, Mulder winced as Samantha clutched at his shirt. The kid
had quite a grip. He quickly relaxed, until he was holding the little girl as
tightly as she was clutching at him. Instantly, Scully perceived a difference
in her daughter's countenance. She stopped crying out for her 'daddy' and
settled down to soft sniffles and burrowed into Mulder's chest. Never waking,
the little girl took one long, shuddery breath and continued sleeping,
oblivious to the commotion she had made.

Scully caught the first tear that fell from Mulder's eyes. "Am I?" he
asked softly.

"There's never been anyone else, Mulder." That was the truth. In all
those years...

At the moment, Mulder didn't give a damn about the missing years. She
was here now, he had the most beautiful little girl he'd ever seen....Mulder
leaned back against the pillows, exhausted, and rearranged Samantha into the
crook of one arm. Scully waited for his reaction, hands clammy.

Mulder cupped her neck with his other hand and pulled her down with
them, kissing the top of her head. "You'll never know, Scully."

"Know what?" she murmured, already lulled by the feel of his fingers
through her hair.

"How much it hurt to miss you. To have nothing but memories." He
closed his eyes, happy for the first time in so long.

"But I do, Mulder. I didn't even have memories to get me through." He
never got to ask her what she meant, as they both succumbed to sleep. It was
the best any of them had slept in almost ten years.

The End