Spaceships and Starlight

Author: Kimberly starbuck20032000@yahoo.com

Category: MRR

Spoilers: None really.  A few general references to Season 9.

Rating: PG

Summary: Just two people who need to find each other.

Archive: XFMU.  If there's an archive with MRR, would someone let me 
know?

Disclaimer: These are Chris Carter's characters.

Feedback: Yes!  Thank you!  All will be read.

Dedication: To specialagent_reyes.  I told you I was going to.  ;-)

____________________________________________________________________

"I didn't plan on chasing ET my entire life.  My sister didn't plan 
on being used as a rag doll and then tossed aside like trash.  But 
it happened and I can't change that."

He was opening up to her in a way that had never happened before.  
Then again, they hadn't spent much time apart from Doggett and 
Scully.

"Don't you see the good that has come from your work?"  Monica 
smiled gently and prodded him to continue.

"There have been the small victories but I keep coming back to all 
I've lost and all that's happened because of my relentless pursuit.  
So much pain because I had to find *my* truth.  If I hadn't had to 
have *my* way, Scully wouldn't have suffered."

Monica moved her chair beside him.  She knew this was coming; it was 
something he needed to let out - just like it had been with 
John.  "Mulder, we all make sacrifices and I know that you 
understand Scully has stuck with you because she wanted to.  Why do 
you blame yourself when it was evil - not you - that brought harm to 
Scully and William and everyone else you've lost?"

Mulder ran a hand through his hair and hung his head.  "It's hard to 
argue with a smart, beautiful woman.  John Doggett's a lucky man."

Did he just bestow two compliments upon her?  Fox Mulder?  Monica 
felt an involuntary school girl blush come across her face.  "And 
just what does that mean, Agent Mulder?"

"Agent Doggett's lucky to have you."  The shocked look on Monica's 
face caused Mulder to wince with embarrassment.  "Uh oh.  Open 
mouth, insert foot.  I just assumed..."

"Oh no.  But I guess I've made a fool out of myself long enough 
trying to get his attention."  Monica shook her head and the smile 
left her face.  "There's too much guilt that he simply refuses to 
release.  John's a wonderful man, don't get me wrong and I love 
him.  But I've come to understand that I love him as a friend - 
someone I would do anything for, not as a lover - someone he won't 
let himself be."

Those words hit home.  Mulder had loved Scully - as a lover, but it 
became clear that the distance she automatically created between 
herself and men was going to be a strong factor.  So he had chosen 
to stick to the role of friend and protector; a role Scully would 
allow.

He cleared his throat, "You've got me pegged, Agent Reyes.  That 
relationship you described is a clone of Scully's and mine."

"You know, some people find each other by coincidence."

Mulder caught Monica staring at him, taking in how this conversation 
was taking affect.  "Don't worry, Monica.  Unlike some people, I can 
read you loud and clear."

Monica?  It was her turn to clear her throat and she began to 
believe she might just stay a bright shade of red.  "So, you're 
telling me that Agent Scully and you aren't...?"

"Guess it would have cleared things up from the start if I hadn't 
tried to kid myself, huh?  She always dodged the issue and then when 
I met you and you started talking about the paranormal and subjects 
I had tried to get her to look at for years - "

He was babbling.  Monica knew by the number of `and's he included in 
that one long sentence.  "Agent Mulder," she interrupted, "you don't 
have to justify your motives to me.  I tried everything to get 
John's attention and, no, I was not below wearing a slinky blue 
nightgown with only a low-cut robe covering it if he came over 
unannounced."

Mulder laughed and leaned against the back of his chair, finally 
relaxing.  "Sounds like a plan.  I'd like to see that nightgown."

"Oh, I bet you would!"  She grabbed a pen from the desk and tossed 
it at him.

"Hey!"  Mulder winced in fake pain.  But there was nothing he could 
do to `fight' back so he waved his little white flag of surrender 
and held up his hands.  "Okay, you win!"

"That's what I thought."  They both laughed quietly and then there 
was silence - for just a moment.

"Mulder," Monica began slowly, choosing her words carefully because 
she knew this was a hard subject to discuss with him, "I want you to 
know that I believe you could not have done any more to protect and 
save your sister than you did.  It's the tragedies that make us and 
shape us.  They've pushed us in the directions we are today."

Mulder leaned over and hugged her.  "Thank you," he 
whispered, "sometimes the truth has to be said by one more person."

And was it the way he touched her or the quiet of their surroundings 
that started them down the next path?  Well, that or some kind of 
destiny written in the ancient unreadable texts of the stars.

All they knew for certain was that both lingered a little longer 
than acquaintances or friends would.  Each heart sought what it 
could not find in the companion heart it had loved for so long.

Monica was the one to pull back, although she knew she wanted more 
and knew he was feeling the same.  "Mulder..."

"We aren't so different."  He paused - knowing what to say, wanting 
to say it, and convincing himself it was okay.  "We've both loved 
for years without love in return."

"And now you've found someone else.  Maybe the `someone'."  Monica 
could not look at him.  "But you've loved the other person for so 
long, it would feel like you were cheating if you even looked at 
that someone."

Now they did look at each other.  Sitting so close, each could hear 
the other's heart beat - the strength of the sound real or imagined.

"If I said that someone might be you, would you be okay with that?"

Monica nodded slowly.

"If I said I'm sorry for not seeing you earlier, would you believe 
me?"

She nodded again and smiled.

"Are you going to say anything?"

She opened her mouth, stuttered a little, and then, "Well, um, I 
guess I should see if anything needs to be copied."  Monica took her 
chair back to her desk and randomly grabbed some papers.

He had not meant for things to be awkward between them.  He had 
just...  "Hey, Monica," Mulder caught her by the elbow as she was 
almost out the door, "We'll go easy.  Take deep breaths."  He smiled 
as she placed the random papers on the desk.

Taking his hands, Monica could not help but return the smile.  "Baby 
steps," she whispered before they leaned in and kissed the first of 
many kisses.

Mulder sighed as they pulled away.  "ET phone home."

"Mulder!"  Monica slapped at him and laughed playfully.

"Now that's the second time you've hit me!  Do I need to make an 
incident report to Skinner?"  He teased her, holding onto her 
laughter that hung in the air.

Monica shook her head.  "I'll make you a deal."  She leaned forward 
and drew him to her, kissing him softly.

"You are one heck of a deal maker, Agent Reyes."

That evening, they took the back way out of the basement office.