Title: The Sex Loop Author: captjojo Rating: NC-17 Keywords: Gibson Praise POV/MSR summary: One week after the end of "The Truth", everyone comes together to plan the next step, Gibson tries to cope with their thoughts. This is one of those times when I wish I could turn off this stupid "gift" of mine. All of us are crammed in to this tiny vacation apartment that Reyes' aunt owns. They're all tired and stressed, Mulder, Scully, Doggett, Reyes and Skinner. Skinner's going to leave soon, he's holding down the fort at the FBI, explaining the temporary absence of Doggett and Reyes. Everyone is on edge, they're all thinking in circles through levels of exhaustion. They're brainstorming where Mulder and Scully can hide for the time being, going over the logistics involved in setting them up with false identities, worrying about whether the rest of them with be arrested for harboring fugitives. They're also trying to figure out where I'll go. Back into the system most likely. I don't even care about that at this point. I wish Mulder and Scully could take me with them. I was touched when I realized they both wanted to, though neither voiced it out loud. They know, and I know, it's just too dangerous. I understand that, but it doesn't make me like the alternative any more. Ugh! It needs to stop, the dizzying thoughts are making me ill. No one has had a fresh thought in an hour or more. I could do that other thing, indulge the guilty trick I've come to master. I know it's probably a really messed up thing to keep doing, but in the past couple of years I've come to realize that all adults carry an undercurrent of thoughts at all times, in every situation. They're the kind of thoughts that are both fascinating and stimulating to a 15 year old boy. I call it the sex loop. People always have a secondary thought level that revolves around sex. I've never told anyone about this discovery of mine. It's bad enough when I'm around people who know that I can read minds, without them having to know I can hear the dirty thoughts that they hide just beneath the surface. But it is a welcome distraction in situations like these, when people's primary thoughts are getting tiring and repetitious. And it's not like anyone knows I'm doing it. I start with Mulder. He's easy for me to tune into having spent so many months in close quarters with him. Focus Gibson, it'll come....it has to be there, for god's sake SHE's sitting right next to him. If he could think the way he did when she was miles away there's no way it's suddenly disappeared in her presence. Just relax and listen for it Gibson.... Her thigh is warm, close against my own....she's so close....I can feel her breathing...parted lips...soft...inviting...master bedroom...we'll end up there for the night, right?...wonder how soundproof these walls are....tired...but that hasn't stopped us this past week on the road here...can't wait to find a home...a bed of our own to lay her down in...dirty motel rooms...white flesh peeking from beneath satin pjs...heat from between porcelain thighs...taste her there...warm...pliant...soft hot wet...home...when? Nice. But not as titillating as the thoughts he'd had alone at night in the next room all those long months when he was missing her. Guess he's really tired. Or maybe getting regular action the past week has calmed his thoughts down some. It's easy to make the jump from his mind to hers. She's thinking about his thigh as well. warm...solid...long fingers resting there...want them on me...anywhere...everywhere..hold me close...pet me...soothe me...stroke me...love me...warm...lips like hot silk...thick cock growing hard in my hand...stroke it...never get enough...all of his weight pressing down on me...hot and throbbing deep inside of me...cock..tongue... Okay whoa! This is too much. I'm going to need therapy if I keep listening to this. She's one of the few mother figures I've ever had in my life. Wow! I can't believe it! She's every bit as bad as he is! Well...no urges to kill him, guess I'm not completely Oedipus yet. The fact that women think that way is something I still can't my mind around. How about Reyes? What is her sex loop like? Over there slumped in that armchair...hmm... lucky woman...even if he is a fugitive...being secure in his love like that...must be nice...knowing that there's someone who'll soon be making love to you.......Skinner...broad, solid shoulders...authority...not bad......John...forearms beneath his dress shirt...strong neck...put my mouth there...would he like that?...would he accept the invitation to share the guest room bed?...probably not...even if he were tempted he'd be worried about professionalism...Skinner barely out the door...Gibson, Mulder, Scully all nearby...sigh...would you really want him if you could have him, Monica?...he'd probably be thinking of her the whole time anyway...lucky woman She's right sadly. I've listened to his sex loop before, in the courtroom, on the drive here. I had to stop, because I like Doggett, and listening to those thoughts could easily change that. I feel bad for him. The whole unrequited love thing must really suck. But knowing that he thinks about Agent Scully that way, the thoughts that give him so much guilt...it's more than I needed to know. He's got it bad, and it's played out in his mind in ways that he's not at all proud of. He's fantasized making love to her when she was pregnant, pretending it was his baby she carried, and he'd had those fantasies even when William's father was recently back from the dead and struggling to recover. He also hates the little part of him that wondered what might happen between him and Scully if Mulder were imprisoned or executed. I can understand these thoughts. People have awful thoughts like that more than you'd think. And the way that he beats himself up over it goes a long way to showing that he is in fact, a good man. But while I can understand those thoughts, repulsive as they are, it does piss me off when he starts taking it out on Mulder, both in his primary and underlying thoughts. When he starts thinking Mulder doesn't deserve or appreciate her enough, doesn't do enough for her. Or when he starts thinking that Mulder's touch somehow dirties or cheapens her. When I start picking up on those thoughts I just want to scream at him. Tell him that he doesn't know shit, that HE's the sick fuck for thinking all of the other shit he thinks about her and that I know Mulder, and sorry to disappoint you John, but he loves that woman in a way that very few people ever manage to love anyone. That his heart breaks a little bit more with every physical or emotional hurt she suffers. That he holds her in awe for her selflessness in giving up her miracle baby, putting his safety before her own needs and happiness. That when beautiful women admire or express an interest in him it barely registers because of his blind devotion to her. It's probably apparent that I suffer from a bit of hero worship for my friend Mulder. But as a kid who's always been privy to the thought of adults, I have to say that he's been one of the very few men I've ever known who I'd like to grow up to be like. Don't get me wrong about Doggett though, like I say, he's a good guy too. He's just been thrown off center by his fixation with Scully. Hopefully he'll get past it, maybe notice the affectionate way that Reyes thinks of him... Okay, this train of thought is getting to be as tiring and depressing as thoughts of alien hybrids and fugitive status. Skinner. Let's see what Skinner's thinking Gibson. Tune into his head. Where's the libido frequency? aha! would you look at fucking Doggett?...looking at Scully like that...Mulder ought to kick his ass...oh well...can't blame the guy...no doubt she's captivating...Mulder's one lucky SOB....look at how she leans into him ever so slightly...he can reach out and touch her any time he wants...he's the guy with permission...privy to her soft secrets...what's she like when she drops the Agent/Doctor mask?...must be overwhelming for both of them...she's so tiny and he's not a little guy...he must engulf her completely...and what's it like for him to hold that fragile form? ...to feel her lithe limbs around him...to penetrate that delicate flesh?...stop it Walter!...you're as bad as Doggett right now...distract yourself...Reyes...lovely...curvy...intense in her own way...penetrating eyes...soft touch to her hands...these are thought worthy of a world class lawsuit, but at least you're not betraying any close friends in thinking them...take thoughts of Monica with you as you go...yeah... Oh, he's leaving now. Making his goodbyes, telling them he'll be in touch in the morning when he has more information. He's out the door, the others are moving toward turning in for the night. Reyes drifting toward the guest room with a backward glance toward Dogget. Mulder and Scully heading with bended heads to the master bedroom, his hand as the small of her back. Doggett asks me which couch I want. We settle down. I'm drifting off to sleep. But after a few minutes I'm awake again. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Aren't they too tired for that? Is Doggett still awake? Yeah. Does he know what's going on in there? Doesn't seem to. Bedsprings. A muffled feminine noise. Shit again. John definitely heard that...here goes the tirade... you've gotta be fucking kidding me!....seriously, can't he restrain himself in these conditions? I know she was tired...why does she let him have so much control? That's it! I sit up straight and look him in the eye. I can't take listening to his jealous assumptions any longer. "What makes you think it was HIS idea?" Doggett is startled by my words and his mind is blank for a moment before he remembers who's talking and realizes just what I mean. He flushes. But I'm not finished, "Look John," I know it makes him uncomfortable to hear me address him by his first name, "the best thing I can tell you is, let it go. She's happy, really happy. She loves him. And he loves her, plain and simple." He studies me for a moment, "Guess you'd know." He hesitates, he's still worried that she's following him blindly. I try to be gentler with my words, "You've got it all wrong Agent Doggett, she calls all the shots. He'd let her lead him like a puppy dog if he didn't know that she expects more from him." There's silence in the dark living room for a time. Then he ventures, "I never had a chance, did I?" "It's the same for both of them. No one else even registers." He rubs his eyes and smiles wearily at me. "Gibson, whatever happens, wherever you end up...you can call me if you ever need friend to talk to. I mean, Mulder might not be easy to get a hold of, and I know sometimes a young man needs someone to...", he struggles for the words. "I know," I tell him, "...thanks". Surprisingly, I do feel better after he says that. He means it. I know. "Night Gibson." "Night Doggett." The last thing I hear, although not out loud, is from Mulder, holding Scully close to his heart. I hope my friend Gibson can find this kind of love someday. I smile a little as I drift off to sleep. I may be a freaky kid, but friends really do help. .