Title: Re-write


Author: Little Grey Girl 


Rating: PG-13 probably. There's some swearing and a LOT of sex. 
But it's not described because I'm just not that kind of girl. 
Oh wait a minute. I'm EXACTLY that kinda of girl. It's just that 
this fic had so much going on it that there just wasn't room. 
Next time Mulder - I promise. 
Disclaimer: Mine only in my dreams. And Scully's.
Spoilers: Everything from Requiem onwards. If you recognize 
it - it's from the show. If you don't - it's from Scully's 
imagination.

Summary: Re-writing the past. My version of s8 and 9

Author note: I've hybridized (copied) this from my post at Haven 
after I realized that it was practically a fic in its own right. 
We were talking about how everything from 'Field Trip' onwards 
could be attributed to a bad trip that either Mulder, Sully or 
both of them are experiencing due to all those shrooms. Personally 
I love s7 so I wouldn't want to discount that but I could happily 
live without the majority of s8 and 9 (and indeed I frequently 
do due to the wonders of selective memory).

When I do force myself to acknowledge them however, I get past 
the mental anguish by telling myself a little story in my head about 
Scully waking up screaming from a horrible horrible nightmare. 
And she tells Mulder all about it. It goes something like this:
 
***

'I dreamt that you went back to Oregon and got abducted 
while I found out I was pregnant which may or may not have been 
due to IVF but that part was glossed over pretty quickly as I 
couldn't seem to figure out when it might have happened. I had 
terrifying dreams about the aliens doing really nasty things to 
you and got within a few feet of a big-ass spaceship in the 
middle of the desert but then flew off in a helicopter instead. 
 
'The big bad government people gave me a new partner who found 
me asleep in your bed cuddling your dirty shirt and then tried to 
convince me that you had some fatal brain disease that you'd kept 
hidden from me. Regardless of the fact that you'd have TOLD me if 
it was true, you'd been hospitalized plenty in the months leading 
up to this so it would've showed up somewhere plus we'd been 
shagging like bunnies every weekend when you were supposed to 
be receiving treatment for this thing. 
 
'But then hormones or whatever got in the way and I forgot to 
search for you for a few weeks (or months - my pregnancy seemed to 
last over a year in this dream although I didn't show until about 
month eight). Oh and then we found you only you were dead and I 
was obviously too overcome with grief to actually check your pulse 
or anything 'cause we buried you but then dug you up three months 
later when it turned out that you weren't actually dead but just 
really REALLY good at playing Sleeping Lions.
 
'So then you were alive again but you kept being a jerk about 
the pregnancy but I think you were actually just pissed off 'cause 
you missed out on the benefits of my overactive hormones during the 
second trimester and by the time you stopped being a jerk I was too 
big to have sex with. So then you decided that I had to have the 
baby in the middle of Hicksville with this rather nutty whale-song 
singing female agent who may or may not have had a crush on me, 
while you and Krycek (for god's sake) pottered around trying to kill 
Terminator-boy. Oh and a bunch of might-be-aliens, 
might-just-be-perverts came and watched me give birth then left 
without saying anything or giving me any grapes which was rather 
rude of them actually even though I don't really like grapes.
 
'The dream actually turned nice then for a few minutes as I 
had the baby and called him William which was really unoriginal 
of me come to think of it as practically every male member of both 
our families is called William. But at least it beat Fox Jnr or Sam 
or something gah-inducing like that. We had nice little kissing 
session with the baby and got to play happy families for all of 
two days before you up and left. AGAIN. You said it was for our 
own safety, that by staying with us you were putting William and me 
in danger. But I think you just got pissed about the fact that it 
would be a good six weeks before we could have sex again. 
 
'So you were gone and I went back to teaching at Quantico 
and helping out those other agents what's-his-name and 
what's-her-name whenever the mood struck me. There was 
some faff about an alien cult kidnapping William and only 
willing to exchange him 'for the head of Fox Mulder' but 
I decided that they were idiots who'd seen too many bad 
movies and marched right into their burned-out compound 
and took the baby back myself as I was quite partial to 
your head and wanted it to stay on your body thank-you-very-much, 
even if your body couldn't be pounding me into the sheets at 
night. (The six weeks were up now and I was feeling horny again.)
 
'What were the other highlights of the dream? You e-mailed me 
and called me 'Dana' which was really secret-agent code for 
'it's not safe for me to come back and I'm calling you by your 
first name in order to trick anyone who might be high-jacking our 
e-mails but I love you really Scully. I mean Dana. I mean... woops'. 
Only the plan didn't work as there was this creepy 'shadow guy' 
who'd been spying on us for years and seemed to know everything 
about me even that time when I 'invited you into my bed' and you 
were so drunk that you passed out in the doorway and we NEVER 
spoke of it again. And this guy wanted to meet you (probably to 
tell you to hold your booze better) so I get you to come back on 
a train but some other guy gets shot so the train doesn't stop 
and you don't get to come back so I have to resort to calling myself 
Dana in my e-mails to you as you STILL won't let me call you Fox.
 
'Almost done now. Jeffrey Spender comes back from the dead (only 
not as well as you did 'cause MAN was he ugly!) only everyone 
thinks he's you and some stupid DNA tests didn't help matters 
as you're half brothers after all not identical twins you 
stupid science guys. So then dear uncle Jeff injects William 
with this Magnetite thingy which is supposed to stop him from 
being all super-psychic and twirling his mobile around. But I 
get scared that the big-bad aliens and/or super soldiers will 
still come after him so for his own safety, (oh God I can hardly 
bring myself to say, it's so ridiculous) I give him up for adoption. 
 
'I KNOW! For two years (it was a very long dream) everything 
revolves around my pregnancy and this baby and then I just 
randomly give him up for adoption when my sub-conscious can't 
think of a way around this new plot development. Well it gets 
worse I'm afraid. The Gunmen die in some pointless attempt at 
being heroes even though the whole thing's almost over by now 
and if they'd just stayed in the background they might've survived 
to publish another day. Then you finally come out of hiding only 
to break into a top-secret Government facility to find out the 
date of alien colonization (December 22 2012 
by the way so let's have Christmas early that year). 
 
'You get arrested and put on trial for 'killing' a super solider 
even though the guy's not dead. And there's this big trial 
where everyone comes back to testify on your behalf including 
random people we thought were dead. Skinner tells you about 
William (aka the big pointless plot-reversal), probably just 
for revenge for us embarrassing him by making out in front of 
him in your jail cell. You forgive me (for William I mean, 
the making-out bit was all your fault) but still won't tell 
me what's really going on. A lawyer refers to William as our 
'love child' which makes me get the giggles and I have to 
leave the courtroom. When the fake judges sentence you to 
death, the two what's-their name agents, Skinner and (for 
God-knows-what-reason) Kersh, help you break out of prison 
and we go on the run together. 
 
'We take a break from mind-blowing back-seat-of-car, 
middle-of-a-dusty-road sex to have a chat with Cancer man in 
some weird ruins, then run away just as some black helicopters 
arrive to kill him. We end up having some REALLY great sex in 
a motel room that looks almost identical to the one on our 
first case together despite being on the opposite end of the 
country. I tell you that I'll do it all over again for you 
(only not the last two years of it as that just sucked) and 
then we have sex again 'cause we're getting REALLY good at 
it now. We live as fugitives for a bit, using false identities, 
taking crappy jobs and always always ALWAYS having fantastic sex. 
 
'After a few years of this, we end up living in this 
unremarkable (but presumably super-soldier proof) house in 
Virginia where I re-train as a pediatric neuro-surgeon 
via the wonders of Google, and you grow a beard. We get 
dragged back into the FBI (who kindly forgives all charges 
against you) for a rather run-of-the-mill missing person case. 
You nearly get your head chopped off but I save you and we 
share a very nice kiss before going off on an extended holiday 
to Fiji where I get very tanned and we have even more sex than usual.
 
'Pointless as it seemed at the time, that case reminded us that 
we do in fact have a world to save and over the next four years 
we defeat the super soldiers, invent and distribute a vaccine 
for the alien virus and get our son back (who is perfectly 
well-adjusted, happy to come and live with us and who DOES 
NOT have your nose THANK GOD). Of son is of course a child 
genius and with his help we're able to prevent the alien 
invasion, expose all the bad guys and generally save the 
world just in the nick of time (11.30pm December 21st to be 
precise). We get absolutely no credit for this of course as 
the thanks all goes to agents what's-their-names who've been 
quietly running the x files without anyone noticing ever since 
we went on the run. But we don't care as we've now permanently 
moved to Fiji due their well-renowned aphrodisiac properties 
and excellent child-care facilities. 

'And so we live happily ever after. And then I woke up'.
 
'Wow' says Mulder. 'That's one hell of a dream Scully. 
Can we have sex now?'
 
'Of course Mulder' Scully replied. 'It's not as if I can 
get pregnant or anything...'

ATTHS.  
 
***

For the record - I love The Truth and IWTB. I just felt 
the need to tie it all in together. I also love Mulder's nose, 
and I'm sure Scully does too. Although I'd imagine it would take 
William a few years to grow into it...