TITLE: Quero Veritas AUTHOR: Rachel Wilder WEB SITE: http://rachelwilder.freeservers.com DISTRIBUTION: Links to my site only. I'll archive at Gossamer. RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: V SPOILERS: Three Words, Empedocles DISCLAIMER: This story is based on the characters and situations created by Chris Carter, the Fox Network and Ten Thirteen Productions. As such, the characters named are the property of those entities and are used without permission, although no copyright infringements are intended. SUMMARY: Who is the father of Dana Scully's baby? AUTHOR'S NOTES: The title "Quero Veritas" is my poor Latin translation of "Seek the Truth." Many thanks to my beta, Gerry Hill. Always there for me in a pinch! *~*~*~* "How?" I'm still not hearing a lot of full sentences from him, but I know what he means. He's been looking straight at my stomach since I stood up. It was going to happen eventually, but I'm still not sure what to say. I haven't admitted it to anyone, knowing that he was the only one I would ever tell. When he was gone, well, then I figured I would never have to tell anyone. But now he's back. It's show time. I pulled the chair back up to his bedside and carefully sat down once more. Reaching for his hand, I sigh and run my tongue over my dry lips. His hand drops down toward my belly. He moves in the bed so he can touch it. The baby responds with a strong kick. He's been moving in there quite a bit lately. Mulder smiles as the baby moves underneath his hand. "He's strong." I nod. "How?" How was a good question. How had this happened? How would I tell him? How was a very good question. "I don't know." He stared at me, his eyes filled with the questions I didn't want to face again. My mother had asked them all, but I never answered her. It had strained things between us, but I couldn't. I couldn't say these things and remain sane. Thank god Skinner was too scared to ask. "What do you mean?" he asked, his hand moving across my belly again. If anyone else touched me, I'd move back, but I hungered for his touch. "I told you, I don't know." *~*~*~* It was the truth. I didn't know and I hadn't tried all that hard to find out. Once I ran the paternity test on Mulder's remaining sperm and it failed, well, I was afraid to search much farther. I didn't know who to trust. I didn't even trust Mulder's paternity test. My paranoia had moved to extreme levels and I felt like I could trust no one. A trip to a small Planned Parenthood facility on the Eastern Shore had proved to me that the baby was healthy and apparently human. Beyond that I didn't care to know any more. But how did I tell all of that to him? "I . . . you have no idea what it's been like, Mulder. There were men, geneticists . . . I couldn't trust anyone." "But you're healthy? The baby?" I nodded. As far as I knew, we were. I had been doing my own pre-natal care. It was risky, but it had become clear to me that so would be seeing an obstetrician. "I just couldn't bear more bad news, more lies. I'm sorry, Mulder, but I don't know." I began to cry. My head dropped, resting on the bed near his side. I heard him move, and then he was holding me. "I'm sorry I wasn't there," he said, as I continued to cry. I shook my head. It wasn't his fault he had been gone, that he was taken. He couldn't control that anymore than I could control this pregnancy. *~*~*~* "You've been doing what?" he asked. I looked back over where Mulder was slouched on his couch. I still had not been able to get many answers out of him, but he was sure pulling them out of me. "I'm doing it myself," I answered again. "You're not seeing a doctor? You know better than that, Scully." I wasn't sure I could go back and tell him about what happened at Walden-Freedman Army Hospital, about the sonogram I knew wasn't mine, about Mary Hendershot and what happened to her baby. Once I felt sure the baby was alright, I trusted that I could take care of it. "You have to let me help you with this, Scully. Byers, he can help us find a doctor, someone we can trust." I shook my head, I couldn't trust anyone, nobody but Mulder. *~*~*~* We settled into a period of detente. We ignored the teasing from the Gunmen and tried to carry on. Of course everyone wanted to know what Mulder's involvement in my pregnancy was, and with his reappearance, clearly I was no longer too fragile to not be questioned. Mulder shot me a look as Langley questioned his involvement in the "blessed event." I tried to remain calm even though I wanted to scream. After they left Mulder moved me over to the couch. "We need to talk about this." Of course we did. "I'm not comfortable with you not seeing a doctor. Will you let me find someone?" he asked, his face creased with concern. I could tell this had been weighing heavily on him. I nodded. Mulder I trusted. If he could find someone he felt would be safe, I could trust that person as well. "I won't have the baby tested, though," I responded. "Why Scully? Why don't you want to know?" I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I hoped he would understand. "I have waited so long for this baby. As long as he is healthy, I don't know if the other part is important." "But even if . . ." Mulder's voice trailed off as he reached out to touch the baby again. I knew what he was thinking, what he had tried to say. What if it was his child, some how, through some kind of miracle. What then? I didn't know. I wasn't sure what I meant to him. I knew I was his touchstone, but beyond that I wasn't sure. The one thing I knew was that I was not in any shape to find out now. "Then we'll deal with that later," I replied. *~*~*~* Oh god, the pain was horrible. I felt it rip through me again as the ambulance raced to the hospital. I felt him take my hand again and hold it tight. "It's going to be okay, Scully. It'll be okay." How did he know? There was something wrong, something terribly wrong. After all I had done to protect this life, how could it be taken from me now? Finally we were at the hospital, the gurney moving through the hallway. I could feel Mulder next to me. "Are you the husband?" the nurse asked. The husband? I heard her ask again, this time a different voice answering. Agent Doggett? Now Mulder was calling for my doctor, the doctor he had found for me. Where was she? I tried to call to the nurse to tell her that Mulder could come with me, but then I was gone. *~*~*~* He seemed much calmer when he came to see me later. The nurse told me he had been calling, but he kept missing me. I wanted to let him know it was okay, that I was okay; that the baby was okay. He touched me again. He seemed to need to make a connection with the baby. I liked it when he did that. I wanted to talk about what had happened, but then he mentioned he had gone into the field with Agent Doggett and Monica. It surprised me. I had wanted to talk to him. There were things I needed to say, but this wasn't the time. It was so good to see him being himself again. I hoped that Mulder could help John. I knew that the death of Luke weighed on him. I had seen it earlier in the year during one of our cases. Mulder could help Agent Doggett and, in return, maybe he would get back some of his confidence. I had seen Mulder looking at me for assurances that he was doing the right thing. He was still shaky. *~*~*~* The whole way home from the hospital he had such a goofy grin on his face. I kept wondering what his surprise was. As he helped me to the door I could smell the pizza. "What did you do?" I asked as he opened the door and ushered me in. How had he managed this? He'd been with me for the last hour as we got ready to leave the hospital and drove to my apartment. "We got interrupted the other night," he responded. He helped me to the couch and went into the kitchen to get the pizza. He teased me again about the pizza man. I shook my head and laughed. I was on to Mulder's defensive measures. "I bet you forgot about that, didn't you?" he asked as he handed me the wrapped baby gift. I hadn't. I had been thinking about it a lot. I tore the wrapping from the package. It was a doll. A very old doll. "Oh my god," I exclaimed. "Is it what you imagined?" "Not even close," I answered. I hadn't said it in as many words, but I always referred to the baby as a "he." I just figured that Mulder knew it was a boy. Well, this little boy would grow up enlightened. "But then, that's the other gift you gave me, Mulder. Courage. To believe. And I hope that's a gift I can pass on." He smiled at me. I took his hand and set it once again on the baby. "I want to have the paternity tests done again. Before I was afraid, but with you, I know we can face the truth, whatever it is." He smiled and raised my hand to his lips. It would be okay. The End