Title: Out of His Crib
Classification: Post-ep fic. MSR
Summary: This takes place as a kind of what happened when Scully gave the baby up
Disclaimer: Okay... I don't own the X-files or Mulder and Scully. Chris Carter Does. So... don't sue me or anything, kay?
Feedback: Alright, this is the first fic that I'm going to post, so be gentle with me, and maybe I can come up with better!! Send me some feedback PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEE!!!!! XfileySR@aol.com
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
I pick him out of his crib, knowing what has to be done. Monica looks at me in complete confusion. She has no idea of what I'm about to do.
"Can you hold the baby for a minute. There's something that I need to do."
I step past her into the living room. I scan the phone book, looking for my selection in the unimaginable number of As. As I graze the number of the agency with my index finger, my body shivers. I sit for a moment asking myself what to do. My hand shakily reaches for the phone as I dial the number of an adoption agency located a few blocks from my apartment.
Every day I glance in its direction. Every day, I pray silently that I will never have to turn to that final choice.
I haven't been able to contact Mulder. I don't believe in my heart that he is totally gone, but his forced distance away from me may eventually lead to that. If he stayed, where would we be? Would anything be different? Could we have protected him together? All these thoughts steadily race through my mind as I listen to the dial tone coming from the other end of the receiver.
"Crestwood Adoption Agency, how can I help you?"
Not my baby...
My William...it's for him...
"Yes, hello, with whom do I speak about giving a baby up for adoption."
"You would have to go through one of our social workers. Nancy Pierce is available for you, if you would like I can patch you through to her... Ms..."
"Scully. Dana Scully. Yes, I would appreciate that, thank you."
"Very well then...just a moment"
The silence is deafening as I wait for the counselor to pick up the phone. Should I hang up? Should I act like I never even thought of calling? Should I scoop him from Monica's arms, and keep him with me? Should I wait for Mulder?
"Nancy Pierce... How can I help you."
No. It has to be now...
"Hello Ms. Pierce, my name is Dana Scully. I was told that I could speak to you about giving a baby up for adoption."
"I... I... would like to discuss putting my son up for adoption under your agency."
"Alright. I'll have to..."
Her words trailed off in my head. All I could hear was a voice inside my heart speaking of all the wonderful things that have happened with William.
After I hung up the phone, I sat. Lost in my own thought, I didn't notice William's cries.
I turn towards her, and gaze into the watery eyes of my son. My heart breaks.
"I think he wants his mommy" she says, as she hands me the tiny being that gave me hope.
Almost instantly, his cries come to an end with a small whimper.
"Hey baby... mommy loves you so much honey..." I say as I rock him and kiss his forehead. The auburn hair on his head is gently tickling my nose as I suck in my baby's sweet scent.
ONE WEEK LATER
I maneuver quickly down the sidewalk as I've mastered in the short months I've been a mother. As I reach the building that I dread most, the stroller comes to a halt. As I stare hard at the front door to the building, William coos and laughs at a bird pecking at the ground.
I can't do this.
I need to.
But I can't.
As tears threaten to fall, I agree that this is best, and turn the stroller towards the front door. I know that I will walk out without my little boy, but until I feel the lightness of my shoulders without his diaper bag, I won't understand fully what I am about to do.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, I have an appointment with Ms. Pierce."
"Ah, yes. Are you Dana Scully?"
"She'll be with you in a moment... have a seat."
I sit down and grab William out of the stroller and hold him close to me. He looks up at me with a smile. It takes all I have to smile back at him. He quickly makes a grab for my hair, and I catch his hand with mine, feeling the smoothness of his ivory skin. I hope he has Mulder's complexion and not mine, cause if he has mine there's sure to be sunburns down the road. I can't help but staring at him as he grabs my finger soundly in his tiny hand.
I look up, and my eyes meet those of a kind older woman. Ms. Pierce.
"yes, that's me"
"Why don't you and William come on back."
I gather the baby and stroller in my hands as I make my way back to her office. Sitting across from her, she begins telling me about what paperwork I have left to do. I can't hear a word out of her as my gaze keeps shifting towards my son.
"Would you like to fill the papers out now, or would you rather mail them in by the end of the week?"
"Actually, I'd rather do them later, if I can."
"Certainly... Well, since we handled most everything over the phone, we'll just need to drop him up at the nursery."
I drop him off, and I'll never see him again?
It doesn't seem right.
"Can I do it?"
"If you would like to, yes."
With William in my arms, I start down the hallway and up the stairs. My eyes water as I hear the cries from the next room. This must be the nursery. Instinctively I clutch him closer to my chest.
"Here we are... I'll give you a moment."
"Thank you." I say as she steps into the nursery.
My attention goes back to the baby in my arms. I gaze into his bright blue eyes. I can't decide if he looks like Me or Mulder. I'm sure that will come later in life. I hope he looks like Mulder, but knowing Mulder, he would say that he wants William to look like me. A tear threatens to fall as I wish he was there to say just that.
"Baby... mommy and daddy love you so much. Don't forget that. William, you made us so happy, and this is the only way that we can protect you. I wish your dad was here to say goodbye too, because I know he would tell you how much he loves you. I
hope you don't forget us."
A few tears are falling silently down my cheeks as I knock on the nursery door. William smiles up at me, and with tears falling, I do the same. Before I hand him over to Ms. Pierce, I whisper in his ear. "Never give up on miracles William."
Ms. Pierce tells me that I'm allowed to go, and I walk back downstairs and out the front entrance. I wait until I reach my apartment door to let the sobs rack through my body.