Title: In The Next Moment
Archive: Gossamer, Xemplary, Spookys - yes. Others please ask first.
Keyword: MSR, Pregnant!Scully
Summary: Before the next moment, Scully sits and thinks.
Disclaimer: If they were mine David would be surely back for the *whole* season.
Very special thanks to Marie for the absolutely wonderful beta!
Feedback: Oh yes please! <firstname.lastname@example.org>
In The Next Moment
The wind blows wildly and it rattles the trees on her street. Inside the apartment everything is quiet. She sits in her favorite spot on the sofa and half listens to the sounds of nature. Her mind is elsewhere as the world keeps turning outside of her home. The rain is softly gliding through the windows. The angry thunders come along with the flashing lightning that cut the sky every so often. The storm outside makes its way into the night and fills her ears with earthly noises. Yet, she's oblivious to anything outside of her womb.
All of her focus is inside her. Logically, she knows she can't really feel a thing, as she is barely two months pregnant. Still, when she closes her eyes and breathes deeply and slowly, she swears she feels the new life growing inside her body. She can almost hear the multiplying cells, always dividing themselves in two, creating something new that is also as ancient as time, for it's made of pieces of her and Mulder.
Mulder. She suppresses the shudder that runs down her spine and sighs with melancholly. She promised herself she would not cry anymore. The tears she shed earlier, when she was at the hospital, were fruit of a catharsis she desperately needed. Now, hours later, she won't cry anymore. And this is not because she wants to be strong. She knows better than that. She fears that if she starts crying she will never, ever stop again.
So she buries her face in her hands and sighs again. The succession of these deep, soul-wrenching sighs seem to have a calming effect on her. It clears her mind in a way that allows her to think rationally. She's never been grateful of sighs before. She is now.
In the back of her mind, her new mantra continues, unfazed. She will not cry anymore. But her mind also makes plans for the future. She won't cry and she has to get out and look for Mulder. She can't stay put at home, no matter what her mother or Skinner or anyone else for the matter says. She'll fight back at whatever or whomever took Mulder. She's gonna find that rat bastard Krycek and that blondie that tags along him and she will demand some answers. She'll follow every lead, and she will find Mulder and bring him back home.
Bring him back to his son.
She can't explain it, but she knows her baby is a boy. Earlier when she was at the hospital, after Skinner had left and before her mother arrived, she took a nap. And she dreamed of a little baby boy with piercing blue eyes and a mocking expression already familiar as it mirrored Mulder's in precise detail. When she awoke, startled by her mother's hands caressing her face, she knew she was carrying Mulder's son.
She told her mother everything, and told her about the dream, too.
Her mother took it all very well, and was honestly happy for her. She was expecting disappointment and reprimands, and was truly relieved when none of that came. She could count on her mother's help and support, and it was all she ever wanted at a time like this. Before leaving, her mother spoke of dreams she also had every single time she was pregnant. It must run in the family, her mother had said.
Suddenly she sits straight on her sofa and opens her eyes to look down at her belly. She's yet to look at it in the mirror, but she knows she can't wait to see it swelled and big and round. "I'm being silly. I'm just worried I'll be self-conscious about my appearance once I start gaining weight. That is what's stopping me from looking at myself," she muses as she decides she'll get up in a moment to examine herself in the mirror.
But still she sits for a little longer, bringing her hands to her belly, slowly caressing it, wishing she could put her arms around her baby. She looks around as if checking for others in the room and finds herself alone, as she knew she was. She feels a pang of sadness wash over her, but she shakes her head and concentrates on speaking for the first time in hours. "Hey baby," she whispers so softly she can barely hear her own voice. She giggles, thinking she's silly for being so quiet. She then clears her throat and speaks again, this time at her usual tone of voice. "We need to find your father. We have to get going so we can bring him home soon."
But first she'll sit and think and take this little time for herself and for her son. She'll get out and find Mulder in the next moment, but now she just needs to be one last time with herself and with her baby. She needs to rationalize all that's happened and she needs to center herself before she walks the unknown path that will lead her to Mulder.
She tries to imagine Mulder's expression when he finds out he's going to be a father. Once again she closes her eyes and sees his face. A sheer bright light appears in his eyes turning them into a liquid shade of green-gold as they smile an instant before his mouth does. He then tries to speak, but can't. And he laughs and shakes his head in wonder, showing his surprise. He feels proud and happy and silly and some sort of smugness, for knowing he's the one that got her pregnant, plays in his face. She can see through his eyes the exact moment when the beautiful news finally sink into his brain. His eyes fill with tears that are born from the realization that he's going to be a father.
She can almost feel her own tears, but as she promised herself she would not cry, she opens her eyes and comes back to reality, certain that the loneliness she feels without Mulder and the despair inside her for not knowing where he is will vanish as soon as she tells him the wonderful news. She'll find him and then reality will be just as she imagined.
Her hands are still caressing her belly and she starts talking one more time. "There's so much I want to tell you, little baby. So much that I will tell you about your father and about his love for you. You will be loved, baby, you already are." She decides this talking is good, amazing even, and she has the feeling that she will talk to her son all the time, about everything. This will help her through the journey to find Mulder, she decides. She can't help but be happy for an instant. Mulder is gone, and yet he is not. His son is with her - inside her, and this little new life - and the love that comes with it - will help her cope with anything that comes along the way. Mulder's son will make her stronger and willing and ready to fight.
A small smile lingers on her lips as she once again imagines her son, this time in Mulder's arms. She realizes that until she finds him every emotion will be bittersweet, and that she'll miss him more and more as time passes. "Soon," she thinks, "I have to find him soon."
And for some last minutes she sits on her sofa and just thinks while her hands hover above her baby. Soon she'll get up and go look at herself in the mirror. And then she'll go out and be practical and focused and the best agent she could ever be and she will find Mulder.
In the next moment, she'll bring Mulder back home.
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