Title: Letting Go
Author: Emily N
Written: October 1999
Rating: G Classification: XA
Spoilers: Christmas Carol, Emily
Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST, Angst
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, please don't sue me, I don't mean any harm :) Chris Carter owns The X-Files, and I believe Fox and 1013 have something to do with it as well. No copyright infringement intended whatsoever.

Summary: Scully learns the shocking facts about Emily's presumed death, and finds herself forced to make a tough decision.

Author's Note: This story is kinda angsty, and I dunno if it's any good... I've never written any angst before. If you like it, please let me know because if you do I'll finish the multi- parter I'm writing on Scully's cancer. However, there's no need to worry! I've got a funny, shippy non-angst story coming up as well! :) -xxxx- Emily


There was a coffin. A white coffin surrounded by flowers. There were streaks of blue light coming through the church windows, creating a spooky atmosphere. She felt herself gently touching the edge of the coffin... lifting the lid... seeing nothing but sand.

She cried. Warm tears were running down her cheeks, dripping onto the floor in an endless flood of hurt. Suddenly the church doors opened, and there she was.

A little girl in a white dress, staring at her. "Mommy?"

She wanted to run to her, hold her tight, talk to her. Tell her that everything was going to be alright. She wanted to move, but she was paralyzed.

The girl was starting to cry. "Mommy?" she asked again.

Dana finally found herself able to move again, and she started running towards the little girl. 'Emily!" she called.

But just as she had finally reached her, Emily started bleeding heavily. There was blood oozing out of the little girl's ears, mouth and nose. Slowly, the blood turned into a green fluid. Alien fluid. Emily just stood there, bleeding, looking at her with big blue eyes. She looked frightened.

"Emily, no!" she could here herself cry. "Emily!" But there was nothing she could do; Emily was slowly but steadily fading away. "Mommy?" Scully cried. Tears running down her cheeks, dripping onto the floor in an endless flood of hurt.


"Scully... Scully! Wake up." Fox Mulder was sitting on the edge of his partner's bed, trying to wake her up. She was tossing and turning, her face all sweaty and panicky. "Dana, wake up."

In a flash, her eyes shot open. "What... ah! Get away from me! Let go of me! Let go!"

Mulder looked worried. "Scully, calm down, it's only a nightmare."

"What... uh..." She started to cry. "Emily," she said in a shaky voice. "Where is Emily?"

He held her tight, trying to get her to calm down. 'Hush Dana... it was only a nightmare." Tears were running down her cheeks, just like they had in her dream just then.

Suddenly they heard a voice coming from the doorway. "She's OK, you know."

Mulder turned around. "Go back to bed, Gibson. Dana was just having a bad dream' he told the little boy.

"I know." Gibson walked over to Scully's bedside and looked at her with his bright eyes full of wisdom. "She's alright you know," he said reassuringly.

"Who is?" asked Mulder. "Who is alright?"

"The little girl," Gibson said, keeping his eyes fixed on Scully. 'The one you think you've lost."


The next morning after breakfast they checked out of the motel like they usually did. They could never stay at one place longer than a few nights, in fear of their whereabouts being discovered by the Consortium. They had to make sure Gibson was safe, no matter what. After all, with his ability to read minds, he could be the key to all X-Files.

Scully had not gone back to sleep after waking up from her nightmare, and Mulder was worried about her. She had told both him and Gibson to go back to bed, and they hadn't discussed her nightmare after that. But right now she was biting her lower lip, like she always did when something was bothering her.

She was driving, her eyes fixed on the road. Gibson, in the backseat, was quiet. In fact, he had been quiet all morning. Suddenly he spoke. "You're wondering about what I said last night."

Scully turned her head to look at him. "Gibson, please be quiet sweetie."

"You miss her, don't you? You think they killed her, but she's still alive."

Scully shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Gibson... please." They drove in silence for a few miles, but at the next gas station Scully stopped the car. When she turned to face Gibson, her eyes were filled with tears. "Please tell me what you know about Emily."


Mulder gently put his hand on the small of her back as they walked towards the restaurant that was situated a few hundred yards from the gas station. Scully was holding Gibson's hand. Part of her wanted to take care of the poor little boy, but another part of her was frightened of his ability to read minds. She realized she didn't like being around someone who knew exactly what she was thinking.

As they ordered drinks and some sandwiches, Mulder kept his eyes on Scully constantly. He knew she was still grieving over the loss of the little daughter she never knew she had. When Emily died, it had broken Scully's heart. Especially because she knew she wasn't capable of conceiving a child anymore; the tests that had been performed on her during her abduction had made her infertile. And now Gibson was saying that Emily was still alive...

Where did he get that information anyway? So the kid could read minds, what was the connection to Emily?

Gibson read his mind. "I can feel her you know. She and I... we have a connection. It's like a radio I can turn on and off."

Mulder remembered the connection Gibson had had with the alien being that he and Diana Fowley had been searching for in the power plant. The boy had been able to connect with the entity because, somehow, Gibson's alien DNA was active instead of passive. So he could feel Emily too. But How?

Suddenly, Mulder remembered. Emily was a hybrid. At least, she wasn't entirely human. Her alien DNA was probably active as well. So that was the connection.

"Gibson... can you feel her right now?" he heard Scully ask.

"Yes. She's fine. But you'll have to be quick if you want to save her."

"Why?" she asked.

"They're going to use her for tests. Those tests are dangerous, and she might die." Scully was feeling awfully calm. It was still hard for her to believe that it was *her* daughter Gibson was talking about. Her Emily was already dead.

"Scully, are you OK?" she heard Mulder ask.

"I'm fine, Mulder. I'm fine."

There it was, the 'I'm fine' again. Mulder sighed.

"She misses you." Gibson told Scully. "She remembers you."

Scully didn't answer. Nor did she cry. She remained perfectly calm, as she slowly got up from her chair and walked out of the restaurant without a word.


The Lone Gunmen's hideout, D.C.

Frohike walked over to the little boy, grinned at him and said 'Hello kid." Gibson stared at him. "

You're thinking of agent Scully."

Frohike's face was as red as a tomato when he looked up at the agents. "Umm, er... who is this kid anyway?"

"This is Gibson Praise." Mulder introduced him. "He can read your dirty mind, Frohike."

"Umm, yeah, I noticed."

Scully decided to come to the point. "We need your help, guys."

"What can we do for you?" Byers asked.

"I need you to find Emily."

The three gunmen exchanged glances. "Emily? But..."

"Gibson here can help you find her. He'll describe the place, and it's up to you to find out where it is."

"OK. No problem."

Scully took Gibson's hand. "Go ahead, sweetie."

"There's gray walls, it's a gray building... it's large, and there's not many windows."

"Is it here in Washington?" Frohike asked.

Gibson nodded. "It's here alright... the signal is strong." Frohike shrugged his shoulders. "I suggest you drive around town until you find the place were the 'signal' is strongest."

"We don't have that much time," Scully said. "Please Gibson, can you tell us some more about the place?"

"I'll try." Gibson promised. "There... there's men coming, men in suits."

"What are they doing? Are they taking her away?" Scully asked.

"No... I don't know what they're doing."

Gibson was obviously getting tired, and Scully decided this was enough. "It's OK sweetie. You don't have to do it anymore."

Mulder looked at Byers, who was at the computer typing frantically. "What've you got there Byers?"

"It's a program called Find-it. It has a detailed map of the D.C. area, as well as pictures of all important buildings."

"Found a gray one yet?"

"Mulder, they're *all* gray."


After waiting for about an hour, in which Gibson fell asleep on Scully's lap, they heard Byers take a sharp breath. "Mulder get over here... this could be it."

"The Department Of Defense? Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm afraid not. Ask the boy if this is the place."

"Gibson sweetie, wake up..." Scully said softly.

"Gibson, we need you to tell us if this is the place where they're keeping Emily," Mulder said as he showed him the photo. Gibson nodded. "That's the place."

"Right' Mulder said. "We're going to the DOD."

"No," said Scully. "We're going to find a motel."

Mulder looked at her in amazement. "But Emily..."

"Mulder, if we go to the DOD they'll get us and Gibson both. We need to take care of Gibson."

Mulder nodded. "You're right. We can't risk it."

Gibson looked up at Scully. "They're coming to get her you know. There will be tests, and then she'll die."

"Hush sweetie... it doesn't matter."

"It does matter," he said. "I know you're worried about her."

"I am, but I'm more worried about you."

"It could be too late if you don't save her now."

"Be quiet sweetie. We're going to find a motel for tonight."


It was 11 p.m. and Mulder and Scully were sitting at the small diner table in their hotel suite. They hadn't been able to find a motel, because all the motels were fully booked with tourists. Therefore, they had to settle for a hotel suite.

They had put Gibson to bed as soon as they got there. He had been exhausted. He had asked Scully to sing him a lullaby. She had told him she sang off key, but he persisted. So she had sung him a lullaby, and Mulder had been listening in the doorway. Admitted, it *was* slightly off key, but he couldn't remember having heard anyone sing so sweetly in a long time.

Right now, they were sitting opposite each other, both waiting for the other person to start the conversation. Finally, Scully was the first to start talking. "I have to let her go Mulder."

He shook his head, sadly. "We could still save her."

"How, Mulder? Walk into the Department of Defense and ask for 'the little girl you've locked up here somewhere'?"

"We could ask the Lone Gunmen to help us pass security. We could threaten to kill Smoking Man. We could..."

"Mulder, it's no use. And what would happen if we got her out of there? She needs medical care, and she needs a mother."

"You're her mother, Scully."

"I *was* her mother, for two weeks. But it just wasn't meant to be."

"You can't just give her up, Scully."

"I already did that once Mulder, I can do it again. My daughter, my Emily, died a year ago. I miss her, God knows I miss her, but she's dead. And..." She was fighting back tears. "Don't you understand? I decided to end Emily's life a year ago, because she had no future. She is seriously ill Mulder, and she's not going to get better. I let her go because I loved her. I cared about her. What kind of life would she have Mulder? What kind of life?"

Mulder walked over to her, and took her hand in his. 'I understand Scully. I do. But wouldn't you like to see her again? Say goodbye to her?"

She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. "I would. But we can't do that without risking Gibson's life. And I think he is more important right now."

"Because he could be the key to the X-Files? Forget about the X-Files, Scully."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Forget the X-Files?

"No, Mulder... because Gibson *does* still have a future. If we can save him, Mulder, he may be able to live the rest of his life like a normal person."

Mulder smiled. "You're getting attached to this kid aren't you." It was a statement more than a question.

She smiled back and nodded. "I am."

"Hey, Scully?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"Go to sleep, Mulder. I'll See you in the morning."

The End


Please lemme know if this was any good... I'm dying for your feedback! ;) No seriously, I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you had fun reading it. Thanks to all my friends, family, yadayadayada... Any comments or suggestions please mail me. Thank you!

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