Title - The Gift
Author - Donna
Feedback - Please - donnah@donnas-stories.com
URL - http://www.donnas-stories.com
Rating - NC-17
Category - Alternate Universe/Romance
Spoilers - Entire 4th season and through Redux II 
Keywords - romance/angst
Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunman and Skinner all belong
to Chris, 10-13 and Fox - Bless them for it!! No infringement
intended.

Summary - A Romance/commitment story written long before Christmas
Carol to give my version of how things could have gone after Momento
Mori and Mulder's discovery there. There's no science in here, don't
look for it

~*~*~

FBI Headquarters
11 a.m.

His partner looked up as he clumped into the room and slouched
into his chair.

"Well, what did the doctor say?" she finally asked.

"I should have saved my money and come to you."

"If that was a compliment, thanks. But you don't look as
though you really need a pathologist yet." She grinned at him.

"I'm surrounded by comedians," he growled at her.

"Really, Mulder, what did he say?"

"According to my symptoms, I'm pregnant." Her eyebrows rose. 
"If it gets worse, or isn't gone in a couple of weeks, I'm to call
back. Happy?"

She struggled not to laugh. "I can see where that particular
diagnosis would not satisfy you exactly."

"You wait, if this is some kind of flu and you get it."

"Did he tell you anything to do, take a blood count, anything?"
She rose from her chair and placed a hand on his forehead to check
for fever.

"I'm perfectly healthy according to my blood and everything
else he did to me." He slumped down further into his chair and
glared up at her. She returned to her chair and shrugged.

"If you want to get me a copy of your blood work, or have me do
it over."

"No. That won't be necessary. I'll just ignore it, no matter
what." He sat up and began shuffling files on his desk. "You know
the worse part?" She looked up again.

"I'm about to starve. I'll spring for lunch if you come right
now and make no more cracks."

"Yes sir." She saluted as he made a face at her and grabbed
his jacket back off of the back of his chair. She shook her head and
grinned then she made the same motion with her jacket as he went out
the door. She stood and walked to the file cabinet behind the desk
and leaned over to open the bottom drawer to retrieve her purse. She
had to grab the cabinet as a wave of dizziness washed over her and
then lost her grip on the cabinet as she slumped to the floor in a
faint.

"Scully, the elevator's here. Are you coming?" He stuck his
head back inside the room. "Scully? Scully!" He literally vaulted
the desk to reach her. He placed his fingers on her throat and
detected her pulse, then began rubbing her wrists. She regained
consciousness almost immediately.

"Scully? Can you hear me?"

"Whawhat happened?"

"I don't know, you passed out. Did you hit your head?"

"No, I feel fine." She started to rise to a sitting position
and he held her in place.

"Are you sure you're okay? It's not" She pulled herself up on
his arm.

"Really, Mulder." She look him in the eye, "I had a complete
workup three months ago. It's not the cancer, that's gone."

"I'm going to take you home."

"That's not necessary, I'm fine." He helped her to her feet
and kept a hand on her back, unconsciously rubbing her tattoo.
"Nevertheless, I'm taking you home. Where's your purse."

"Mulder, my car's here."

"Then I'll pick you up in the morning too. I'm taking you
home." Scully sighed and capitulated, in that mood she wasn't going
to win anyway.  She noted that he had his hand on her, either her
back or her elbow until they reached his car.

"I have no intention of falling over again, Mulder. This
really isn't necessary."

"Good, I don't want to have to pick you up off the concrete."

"I thought you were starving."

"I am. We'll pick something up on the way to your place and
I'll eat there. Then I'll know you're really all right." Scully
sighed again and relaxed back in her seat. Maybe it wasn't a bad
idea to have him drive her home, she had certainly never fainted
before, but she truly did feel fine.

He bought them both some fast food and took her up to her
apartment. Over his protests she poured tea and set the table for
them. "Mulder, you're the one that's been sick, not me."

"Look, you scared me, okay? You know what I thought when I saw
you on the floor like that."

"I understand, really I do, but that's over. I'll stay home
the rest of the day, probably take a nice warm bath, but I will be at
work in the morning. Don't forget to pick me up."

"Okay, okay." His cell phone rang and he answered. "Do you
have some paper?" Scully got him pen and paper and as it seemed to
be a lengthy call went on in her bedroom and began running her bath. 

When it was ready, she came out, found him still on the phone,
motioned for him to let himself out and waved goodbye.

She soaked until the water got cool, feeling very relaxed and
lazy. She'd slept so much lately she was surprised that she could
drift off again in the middle of the day.  She toweled herself dry,
tossed the towel over her shoulder and walked naked into her bedroom.

There on her bed was Mulder, relaxing and going over the notes he had
taken. She grabbed the towel around herself and Mulder jumped up
guilty and embarrassed. "I thought you'd have your robe."

"I thought you had left!" His eyes seemed unable to leave her
body. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to tell you about the call- Scully are you- my god, no!"

"Get out of my bedroom." She was furious. He looked into her
eyes and fled the bedroom. They had told him she was barren, and
he'd believed them. How?

All of the relaxation of the bath had vanished and she was
practically shaking with anger. She threw on a t-shirt and jeans and
stalked out of her bedroom. "How dare you? Lurking in my bedroom
like some teenaged boy trying to get a thrill!" But even through her
fury she was able to read the look on his pale face, he was
devastated. What was going on?

"I knew you had gained some weight. I was pleased, you'd lost
so much when you were ill, but I hadn't seen any other. Hell, I'm
the one that's been sick." 

He was babbling, Mulder was babbling. She instinctively
reached up to check for fever; it wasn't another episode of
flashback, was it? 

He caught her hand. "I didn't know you were seeing anyone, why
didn't you...?"

"Mulder," now she was truly frightened, "What's wrong with you?"

"Not me. Don't youScully, don't you know you're pregnant?"

"What?" She snatched her hand from his.

"Haven't you had any symptoms, nausea, tiredness, I. . .I don't
know." 

"Mulder, this is something the doctor put in your head. You
need to sit down." She tried to lead him to the couch.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She was beginning to get angry again. "Mulder, I'm not
pregnant."

"I've got to. . . I need some air."

"No Mulder, you shouldn't be driving. You're. . .something's
wrong. Mulder!" But he was out of her door, practically stumbling
in his haste to leave.
  
She stood staring at her door in shock. How could he have
thought that, how could he have thought she wouldshe realized tears
were streaming down her face. She found herself crying into the sofa
cushion with no memory of moving at all. What was wrong with him? 
Hell, what was wrong with her, why hadn't she chased after him? He
was sick and why was she suddenly so tired, so emotional. Her eyes
wouldn't stay open. 

She dozed on the couch until her doorbell woke her. She
brushed her hair out of her eyes, trying to get oriented.

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Please let me in." She raced to the door.

"Mulder are you all right? Why didn't you use your key?" She
held his arm, ready to support him if he collapsed.

"I want you to take this." He held out a brown paper bag.

"What is it?" She looked inside, "A pregnancy test? What is
going on?"

"Please."

"Why do you think I'm pregnant?"

"I saw you, I know I shouldn't have been in there, but I saw
you."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Scully, you're a doctor. You've noticed the changes.
You're. . . your abdomen is rounder, your breasts are fuller,
heavier, haven't you. . ."

Scully's face was scarlet, "How would you know that?"

"Damn it, Scully, do you think I don't look at you! Do you
think I don't know your body."

"I didn't..." She took a deep breath to compose herself. 
"Nevertheless, Mulder, as I doctor I do know that certain phenomena
has to occur in order to achieve conception and that phenomena has
not occurred."

"You're late aren't you." 

She stared into his eyes, furious. "You're crossing a line
here, Mulder." 

"Don't you think I know that. I don't know what it's going to
do it us, but you are late, right?"

"Would you like me to state the various reasons, other than
pregnancy, for that to occur?"

"How late?"

"Get out." Her voice was shaking.

"After you take the test." She just stared at him. "I'll
leave after you take the test. And if I'm wrong, I'll spend the next
twenty years trying to win your forgiveness."

She stared at him a moment longer then snatched the bag from
his hand and went into her bedroom. He sank onto the sofa and put
his face in his hands, afraid to think. She returned shortly and
thrust a white plastic stick at him. "Here. I've taken your damn
test. Now leave."

"Five minutes, Scully. I'll leave in five minutes." He
carefully laid the plastic on the coffee table and laid a napkin over
it. He sat back on the couch and silently watched her pace around
the apartment, her fury palpable. The silence stretched so long that
when Mulder checked his watch and said, "It's time." Scully started
violently and turned her back on him. He leaned forward and removed
the napkin. She heard his sharply indrawn breath, but couldn't force
herself to turn.

"Scully" He said quietly. She finally forced herself to turn,
to see him holding a violently blue stick, an almost glow-in-the-dark
color.

"No." It was a whisper. "No, I have never been unfaithful
to..." she clasped her hand over her mouth, appalled at what her
fragile emotional state had allowed her to reveal. Their eyes locked
and a knot inside Mulder's chest that he had not consciously been
aware of loosened and fell away.  She reached out a hand to steady
herself against the chair and he was at her side. He led her to the
sofa and sat her down. "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head, unable to speak or tear her eyes from the
plastic stick. "Scully, it's only a home test. They can be wrong." 
Again she shook her head. "How late are you?"

"Seven seven weeks," she managed to say.

"Seven!? And you didn't suspect anything?"

"There was nothing to suspect! Mulder I haven't been with
anyone, not since. . . it's been a long time." She began to tremble.

"We don't have to talk about this now. You need to relax,
okay? Come here." He folded her into his arms and gradually the
shaking began to subside. "I'm going to put you to bed."

"What time is it?"

"Early, but you need to rest."

"I'm not sleepy." 

"But you are in shock. At least lie down for while, I'll fix
you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." He led her into her bedroom and covered her
with an afghan. "Don't leave me," she whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll sleep on your sofa tonight, I
won't leave you." She just looked at him. "Close your eyes." She
obeyed him and he stood there looking at her a moment longer then
returned to her living room and lowered himself onto her sofa as if
he were a very old man.

~*~*~

It only took him seconds to realize where he was, but he
couldn't identify what had woken him. Then he heard it again, Scully
moaning in the next room.

"No. . . No. Mulder, please. Don't . . .NO!" she screamed the
last and he had her in his arms. 

"It's a dream, Scully. Wake up. Everything's okay." He was
stroking her hair as she realized where she was. She clung to him as
though she were drowning and began to sob uncontrollably. He rocked
her and murmured comforting words in her ear until she began to calm
down.  

"I remember." She breathed in his ear. "I know. I remember
what they did to me."

"They?" And suddenly he was clutching her as tightly as she
had held him and horrible images kept appearing in his mind. 

"Scully, you weren't. . . were you gang raped?" That could account
for the memory loss, anyone would block that out. He wished he
could. She looked up, startled and realized he was torturing himself
with unthinkable thoughts, and needed comforting as much as she did.

"No, no Mulder." She brushed a tear from his cheek, not
knowing if it is hers or his. "It wasn't like that. They had us
restrained, we were on tables."

"I was there?"

"Yes, you were struggling to break free, you were screaming at
them to leave me alone. But you couldn't. Oh Mulder, they were
inside me." He barely suppressed a flinch. "They were implanting this,
this thing! The pain, they had to have dilated my cervix and they
put this in me. I guess it was a form of rape, high tech rape. And
now I'm pregnant. What am I carrying!? Mulder, what's growing inside
of me?!" He caught her fist before she could strike herself.

"No, you're not going to hurt yourself. You can't. Keep
talking. Tell me what you remember. Where were we?"

"I don't know, just a space with the two tables. And lights,
the lights were so bright. I could turn and see you, but nothing
ahead. I never saw, I could feel their hands. Oh Mulder. . ." He
pulled her tightly to him again. 

"Don't relive it, just talk. You're not there now, they can't
touch you now."

"It doesn't matter, they already have. I can't. . . I can't
breathe."

"Scully, please, try to relax, you're going to pass out again. 
Please!" But her grip had loosened as she lost consciousness again. 
He frantically felt for her pulse again and tried to bring her to. 

Her breathing was easier and her color was coming back. She seemed
to have slipped back into sleep, so he laid her down and lay down
beside her. She wasn't going to be out of his sight again for while.

~*~*~

He woke to find her in his arms, watching him sleep.  When he
tried to move away she tightened her grip.

"Scully, Honey wake up." She began to caress his back. 

"Scully?"

"If I wake up it will all be real again. I need you to heal
me. You're the only one who can. I need to feel you inside of me,
not some. . . Mulder, make me whole."

He held her, totally confused. Was he taking advantage of her
vulnerability or. . .no, he couldn't, not like this.

Her hands had not stopped their exploration, and he drew a
sharp breath as her hand cupped him. The immediate reaction was
totally beyond his control.

"Please Mulder."

"And have you hate me for it later?"

"No Mulder."

"God, Scully, I want you. But not like this." His voice was
trembling.

"Mulder. . .Mulder please. Let me remember you, let me
remember love."

He was losing it, she had his jeans unzipped, and he groaned as
she put her warm hand around his hot sex. She released him and
jerked her own jeans off of her body.

"Don't turn me down, not this time." 

A small part of his mind wondered when he had ever turned her
down, but the majority of his brain was trying desperately to hang on
to sanity. If she didn't slow down it was going to be over before it
began.

"Scully! Scully please." He looked in her eyes. She was in
charge here, she was demanding him"We need to slow down a little. 
We've both waited for this. . . Scully. . ." She pressed herself
against him. God, was she ready for him, he was drowning in her
scent. She had hold of him again, was this 'his' Scully? She
straddled him holding him down, taking over. He would have to hurt
her to discourage her. She was wild, scratching, biting, demanding
more and more of him. He was astounded, in all the times he had
fantasized about this encounter; he had never dared cast her in the
role of aggressor.

He felt the earthquake within her and could no longer hold
back, filling her with his seed. Whoever's child this woman, his
woman, carried in her body, it was his now. His. His? Oh god, of
course, he'd never been more sure of anything in his life. He
realized she was biting her own hand to stifle her cries. As she
relaxed she sprawled on top of him and he held her gently. They lay
together quietly until she lifted her head to smile at him, as he
realized how much he wanted her yet again.

"I thought you once told me you weren't seventeen any more, an
'old man' like you wanting more."

"Well, part of me doesn't seem to realize it right now." She
reached for him again.

"No," he caught her hand. "It's my turn now."

She blushed. He'd never gotten to witness the full extent of
this before, it flowed down onto her chest. Why would anyone want
anything besides redheads? He followed the blush with his tongue and
took her breast into his mouth. It was fuller, was it tender? He
never wanted to hurt her, but her hand on his head told him not to
worry.  He moved to the other breast, couldn't let it feel left out.
Then trailed down her stomach, sucking at her navel. He continued
his downward exploration nuzzling her pubic hair, breathing in their
mingled scent. His tongue darted out to her clitoris and she
whimpered. He could make this woman whimper.

"Mulder, Mulder please, give me Fox." 

He looked up in astonishment. "You named him?" How could such
a little thing give him such an absurd amount of pleasure?
When he finally gave in to her incoherent entreaties and was
once again sheathed in her it was amazingly familiar, more a long
delayed homecoming. As their bodies united they felt the shift of
souls melding to become the one entity that had never felt so right
or complete in either of their lives.

Her climax, when it came, was so shattering that he was
astounded, Scully so out of control. And he had the power to cause
it. It was his last coherent thought before his own body shot out of
control.

{I have loved you for so long}
{And I you}

Mulder was the first to realize that the conversation they had
been having was non-verbal. "We're closer than I thought."

"What do you mean?"

{We're communicating inother ways}

"You're better than I thought you were." She answered with a
shaky laugh.

"I'd love to take credit for it, but reality demands that I
admit, I'm not that good."

{Like hell} "Mulder, are you blushing?"

"In all my years, working with the things I work with, I have
never had a weirder 24 hours. What the hell is going on?"

"I have to face this, I know." She took a deep breath. "Okay,
nine weeks ago, where were we?"

"Nine, I thought you said seven?"

"Conception could have occurred eight to ten weeks ago. 
Ovulation is not the kind of thing I've kept close track of." She
had assumed the doctor's persona that he was used to, especially
during autopsies.

"That would put us in Oregon, remember those kids that kept
disappearing?"

"Yes and I remember the motel we stayed in, it was made out of
cardboard, no one could have kidnapped us from there without alerting
the entire population of the town."

"Yeah, I remember the place. I could hear you snoring all
night."

"I do not snore." She was concentrating, trying to remember
every detail of the trip. "Oh!" {Nightgown}

"What? What do you mean, nightgown?"

"It was so stupid. I didn't even mention it to you. When I
woke up the third morning, I was nude."

{Wish I had been there}
{Me too, but stop that}

"Okay, I have to ask, is this unusual?"

"Completely. I never sleep nude when we're in the field."

"So you got hot during the night and took it off."

"And never saw it again."

"And you didn't think that was worth mentioning?"

"Okay, I was wrong. But I didn't know how to bring it up. You
would have thought I was crazy. Did you notice anything?"

"Well I can't remember clearly if I was nude that morning or
not, but it wouldn't be that unusual."

"Really?" He flashed a wicked grin at her. "Maybe if we got
dressed we could concentrate more on the situation here."

"I'm concentrating fine." He ran his hand along her thigh.

"Mulder."

"Okay, okay. We were in Oregon, the kids would vanish in the
night from their rooms and be returned two to three days later,
apparently unharmed and unaware. We need to find out if any of them
are pregnant."

"At least two of the girls hadn't started menses, they were too
young. We didn't check internally for sexual abuse because they
remembered none, none was obvious and they were so young we didn't
want to cause any. "

"So they abducted a woman."

"Abducted? Mulder I will not entertain any reference to
aliens. This is not a tabloid situation and I am not carrying an
extraterrestrial child. Don't even joke about that."  

"Let me just state my theory."

"Not if it includes aliens."

"Scully, I'm not stating fact, only a hypothesis."

"Is this supposed to be helping me cope?" He looked startled
for a second, then shook his head. 

"I'm sorry. I was thinking like an investigator, not. . ."

"Oh, go ahead with your damn theory, that way I can at least
begin to poke holes it in."

"Are you sure?"

"Regardless of your theory, I'm pregnant from unknown origins."
She shuddered, "I've been pushing that away all morning. My god,
Mulder, I'm having a baby!" He held her close. 

"You're not alone, Scully. I'm not going to leave you alone." 
She nodded and took a deep breath.

"Go ahead."

He looked deep into her eyes and she nodded once again. "Okay,
we were abducted, by whomever. They wanted to impregnate a female;
you were there and ovulating. That explains why you, but why me." 
He held up a finger. "Wait, what if they needed additional human
DNA. That's the only reason for also abducting a male if their
purpose was to procreate. The kids were all taken two at a time, one
male and one female, we commented on that in our report."

"So now it's your baby I'm carrying."

"Well, yes." Scully shook her head. "What?"

"I guess I've just never seen a man try to get into this
position before. The opposite direction is so much more common."

"Not for me. That's not the kind of man I am. My
responsibilities are important to me."

She glanced up, seeing quite clearly the pain she had caused
with her casual comment. "Mulder, I'm sorry. I. . .I didn't want
you to think I was. . .that I expected. . ."

"It is my baby, Scully. I know it."

"How? How could you possibly know such a thing?"

"I don't have a clue, but I've never been more certain about
anything in my life."  

She absorbed that comment quietly, then asked, "But who, or
what else is also involved, Mulder? I mean if someone wanted me
pregnant, if that was the purpose behind taking us, there are simpler
ways."

"Not if you're not from around here, maybe."

"Oh come on, Mulder. Don't go with the aliens, there has to be
an earthly explanation. There's so many holes in what you've said
that I don't know where to start."

"It could explain some other things too. I hate to admit this
but I wasn't a virgin this morning. And no matter what else I've
done, or how good it might have felt at the time I have never
developed a telepathic link with the other person before."  He
flashed her an image of herself, as he saw her.

Her blush was deep; she'd never looked like that. She wouldn't
know how.

Suddenly he remembered. The test, the pregnancy test, he
certainly wasn't familiar with them but that color. . .
Before she could react he was out of the bed and rushing into
the living room. When he came back in he was holding the small
plastic stick from the pregnancy test.

"Is this the normal color blue?"

She stared at it and went a little pale. "No."

"I didn't think of it last night, we were both so. . . Are you
okay?"

"Those tests are standardized, I worked with some of them in
school. There's nothing that could make it that color. I. . ." The
true horror of the situation slammed into her again. "Get another
test." She said in a strangled voice. "Please, now, go get another
test!" 

"Is it okay to leave you?"

"I'll be fine. Please go now." He was already dressing.

"I will be right back. Please don't get up, I want you to just
stay there. Promise me."

She nodded, her mind whirling. He looked at her a moment
longer and left.

~*~*~

He was back in record time, with four different pregnancy
tests. She was dressed and waiting in the living room. "I thought
you were going to stay in bed."

"I couldn't just lie there. I had to do something. Four?"

"Yes, and remind me never to show my face in that pharmacy on
7th again." He got a wan smile out of her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes. You're the one with the morning sickness, remember?"

"I wanted to ask you if that was common?"

"What?"

"It was one of the first things the doctor asked me, after I
described my symptoms, could my wife be pregnant."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I wasn't married. Didn't care much for the look he gave
me."

"Common may be a little too much, but yes, it happens,
especially when the couple are very close or. . ."

"Like us?"

"I'd say there aren't many couples like us out there." She
held out her hand for the package and it was trembling.

"Scully, you don't have to do this now."

"Why wait, I'll just be more pregnant. The sooner I can make a
decision the better." She avoided looking at him.

"What kind of decision?" She shook her head, took the bag, and
walked out of the room without another word. He slumped down on the
couch and ran his hand through his hair. "Shit."

When she returned, she had the four test strips lined up on a
tray. She handed the tray to Mulder and went on into the other room.
He sat the offending tray on the coffee table and followed her into
the kitchen where she was rearranging a drawer.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Nope."

"Well, I have to say something. We talked about the. . . the
baby possibly being mine. Regardless, no matter what we find out,
the decision you need to make is yours. I don't want to influence
you and whatever your decision, I support you 100%. If you cannot
face continuing this pregnancy, then you can't face it. I only ask
that you let me be with you, take you wherever you need to go, and
hold your hand while you need it held." He pulled her face up to
where she was facing him and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Did you
hear me?"

She nodded. 

"I'm going to check the tests. Want to come?"

"Not yet." She whispered. He squeezed her hand and went back
to the living room. When she heard his sigh she closed her eyes,
then closed the drawer she had been working in, squared her shoulders
and followed him. The tests laid out on the tray were bright with
inhuman colors. Every one had reacted and overreacted to whatever
chemicals were flowing through her body.

They stood there staring at the small strips of plastic that
had control of their lives. Scully sank onto the couch as Mulder
grabbed her elbow.

"I'm okay." He watched her, that was certainly a lie, but how
could he call her on it. He sat beside her.

Finally he said, "I want to have these analyzed."

"Not at the Bureau lab!"

"No, I was thinking about our friends."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "They can't know it's me. I
don't want anyone to know about this. Please! You are the only one
that can know." He nodded. "If it is something that can't be
explained. . ."

"No one's going to know, I swear." They sat with their arms
around each other silently for a short time. "I guess we're blowing
off work today, it's almost lunch time anyway."

"I can't face it today. Is there anything urgent, your phone
call last night?"

"I'd forgotten about that. It's not important."

"It was yesterday."

"I've put it in perspective today."

"I want you to take these on over to the guys."

"Now?" 

She nodded, "We need the results as soon as possible."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Nothing's going to happen and maybe I need to be alone for a
little while."

He took a deep breath, "All right, I'll go. You'll call me if
you need anything?"

{Better than that, I'll just think at you} He tried to smile
and nodded. She went into the kitchen and found five plastic bags to
keep the tests separated and packed them for him.

"You sure you'll be all right?" She nodded. He bent down and
kissed her gently, a promise of things to come. "I'll bring dinner,
don't know how long this is going to take."

"You don't have to. . ." then she looked into his face and
acquiesced. "I'll see you then."

{Or sooner if you need me}
{I promise}

When he returned, carrying Chinese, he had little more
information than when he had left, but lots more questions. As she
put dinner out, he tried to explain what tests his friends had run. 

"The end result is there are amino acids there they couldn't place,
there were chemicals they couldn't analyze. They're sending their
findings on to another friend who is more familiar with this. They
want to do some DNA matching. Oh, they think I'm hiding this case
from you because you wouldn't believe me anyway."

"Do you do that?"

"No, but they seemed to believe me."  

{Really?}
{I swear, but you're different from all my other partners}
{In what way?}
{You mean besides being sexier?}

"Mulder."

"Sorry. You know it's different, no else even bothered to
listened to my theories, unless I made them so mainstream they
weren't recognizable. I don't have to bullshit you to make you
listen. You don't usually believe, but at least you give me a
hearing. And you don't call me "Spooky", at least to my face."

"Don't ever call yourself that." She said quietly

"I mean, think about it, who'd want to have a baby fathered by
Spooky Mulder."

"Stop it!" He looked up startled.

"I was just kidding."

"No, you weren't. You really believed what you were saying,
that no one would want you. I won't listen to that, I never want to
hear you call yourself that again."

"Okay, okay. Calm down." She sank into the chair beside him.

"My responses are a little off. I'm not completely in control
right now. I'll be better tomorrow." She took his hand, knowing he
was going to object. "I'm going back to work."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I can't sit here and think myself insane anymore. Maybe I can
actually forget again, like I did this morning for a few minutes."
"Can I help again?"  The gleam in his eyes left no doubt as to
what kind of help he wanted to give.

"Shut up and eat. I need to throw you out of here."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I am not leaving."

"You don't have any clothes here, or. . .or anything."

"They're in the car. I stopped by my place."

"Are you inviting yourself to sleep over again?"

"Yes ma'am, unless I get an invitation."

"You really don't have to, you know."

{I want to} 

She nodded and began to eat. After cleaning up they settled on
the couch and he found a movie to watch while she dozed against him.

"Why don't you go on to bed?"

"I shouldn't be sleepy. I haven't done anything all day."

"Aren't you suppose to be tired the first trimester?"

"How would you know that?" He was so damn full of surprises,
especially the way he was handling this. Maybe she didn't know him
as well as she'd always thought.

"I did some reading this afternoon."

"You didn't!"

"And what's wrong with that."

"Mulder, I haven't. . .you shouldn't get too attached to. . ."

"What?"

"If any part of what you believe is possible, there's no
guarantee that I could even carry to term. We don't know what
chemicals are. ."

"Could you be in danger?" She nodded, "Then you can't have it.
I mean. . ."

"My decision, remember?"

"Yes, but I didn't think about a danger to you, I was thinking
about. . .hell everything but that. You can't put yourself in
danger."

"But I also can't abort a baby that has the slightest
possibility of being yours."

He leaned back and looked at her, just looked, then took her
hand and led her to bed, where he again worshipped her body as he had
dreamed of for so long.

~*~*~

The next morning she began her shower first, but he joined her
and finished up as she was drying her hair. They were quiet on the
way to work, purposely trying to get ready for the day. He received
a call around ten to meet with the Gunmen for an update and left. 

She continued working and finally went to the lab to try and find
some work that held her concentration. That's where he found her
when he returned.

"Should you be in here?"

"Why not?"

"All the chemicals and fumes and things."

"Don't worry about it, what did you find out?"

"That we need to go to lunch somewhere." They left the
building and found a diner with an especially annoying jukebox
playing. She finally reached over and took his hand.

"Come on, tell me what you know."

"Shit, I don't want. . . I brought you the disk to go over, but
there's a lot Byers couldn't explain. Maybe you should. . ."

"Mulder, I'm going away. I reached that decision this morning.
Stop and listen, please." He had grabbed her hand as though she was
going to run out of restaurant without him. "Relax, not this minute,
but I can't stay here. Mulder, I can't let anyone know about this
pregnancy. If I can carry to term, I don't want someone taking him
and studying him for his whole life or me either, for that matter. 
With what we've seen over the years, we both know it's a possibility.
If someone believes this child to be what you suspect, I could be
killed before he's born just to ensure that he never is."

"I thought you didn't believe."

"It doesn't matter, there are those that do. There would be no
way to keep this a secret if I see a doctor. There are doctors,
nurses, lab technicians, hundreds of people that could find out. 
I'll have to be my own physician for this."

"It's too dangerous, and I want you here."

"I wish I could be here, but it won't work. Too many people
know me. I'll go to some city and hide. I'll somehow get word to
you if and when the baby is born."

"No." He said it with a quiet intensity that shook her
resolve. "That is not the way this is going to work."

"There isn't any other. . ."

"I will find one. I will not let you go off alone for the most
dangerous thing you're ever encountered. Give me a couple of days to
think. Promise me Scully, swear to me, you won't leave town without
telling me."

"I won't leave without telling you, Mulder. I hope you do
think of another way."

"Besides," he picked up on the rest of her comment; "you're
going to have to have a doctor. You can't deliver the baby." She
looked at him silently, with an expression that unnerved him
completely. "You can't!"

"It is not unheard of for a woman to deliver herself."

"My god, Scully! No!" He lowered his voice as the waitress
behind the counter looked over at them. "I'm sorry, butshit."

She tried to smile at him; "You can't know how much it means to
me that you feel this way."

"What about your mother?"

"No. She can't know either. It could endanger her as well. 
She's been through too much because of me already, with Melissa."

He forced himself to let go of her hand as the food was brought
to the table. They ate their sandwiches in silence, not tasting
them, both lost in thought. 

Finally he looked up; "I will find a way, Scully. You will not
go through this alone, not for an instant if I can help it."

"You offering to deliver the baby?" She half chuckled, but
then as he paled slightly and nodded, her look turned to a stare. 

"You can't be serious."

"Don't you trust me to handle it?"

"It's not that, Mulder. Birth is a very. . . messy process. 
Have you ever seen a baby born?" He shook his head. "I do trust
you, with everything, but for your sake. . ."

"The only part I'm concerned about is watching you in pain and
not being able to help." Finally she nodded.

"Your being there would be more help than I can describe."

"Scully, I won't go into this cold. There are videos and
books." Again she nodded. "Will you let me be with you?"

"If it's humanly possible, I want you there." He took her hand
again. "We better get back to work. You're not sick today?"

"I hadn't even thought of it. Maybe we're far enough along
that part is over." He grinned and grabbed the check. "Come on, I
can't stand this music any longer." He held out his hand to help her
from the booth and they returned to work. 

~*~*~

By mutual consent nothing was spoken of aloud in the car or at
the office, but they continued to experiment with their newfound
abilities. They found they were unable to read the other's mind, but
could "send" messages. Receiving seemed to be automatic, but there
was a slight effort with the sending. With continued practice they
were able to "see" through the other's eyes and "hear" the
conversation when in a send mode. He promised that his next visit
with the Lone Gunmen would include her for questions that he didn't
know to ask.

That night in bed as she lay in his arms, she said, "I made an
appointment with Skinner for tomorrow."

"Why did you do that?"

"I have to take a leave of absence, I'm going to be gone for
months. I'm going to ask for a sabbatical, time to get my head
straight."

"Are we suppose to be having problems?"

She smiled at him, "Wouldn't hurt. Skinner would certainly
find it plausible that I needed a 'break' from your type of work." 

"All the time not knowing that you're even more involved in it
than I am?" She pulled on his chest hair.

"Wanna trade?"

"No thanks, that's too weird even for me. Besides, I've done
my part, remember?"

"Child's play. The real fun is ahead." He drew her more
closely to him. 

"Do you have to do this so early?"

"You knew by looking at me. I work with, supposedly, the most
observant people in the world. I can't take any chances. Have you
come up with any ideas?"

"One, I need to check some things first."

"Like what?"

"Well, it turns out I own a cabin in Virginia. It was my
grandmother's. I haven't been there is years. I didn't even know
Dad had held on to it, but he left it to me and I haven't done
anything about it. I need to see what kind of shape it's in. I know
it used to be secluded and I'm sure it would need a major cleaning,
but it's close, relatively. I could be there every weekend and
during the week some too, especially later."

"Planning on taking semi-retirement?" He grinned and nodded. 

"That could be ideal. Not many people around?"

"I don't have a clue. I thought I'd go down this weekend and
give it a look."

"I'll go too."

"It would be too dirty. Let me do some cleaning before you
come down."

"You? Clean? Like your apartment, maybe? I'll come. On a
more serious note, I went through the information you brought from
Byers. Is he. . .are you sure of the data?"

"Yeah, he's always very accurate. Why?"

"I'd like you to take him a sample of my blood. I'll draw it
for you, but it's important."

"I don't like the sound of this. Is this what you've been not
talking about all day? Are you all right?"

"I didn't think it showed. I'll know more when he finishes his
analysis."

"Are you not going to tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell until I get more information. What I
have seems to be either misinterpreted or just plain wrong, if you
trust his work. Just take him the blood and ask him to do a full
analysis and leave me out of it. I'll explain everything when he
gives you the information. I promise."

The next morning Mulder was handing the blood sample over the
Byers. "Mulder, where did you get this? You can't mean the woman's
alive? That's not possible."  

"What do you mean, not possible."

"It never occurred to us we were doing an analysis on someone
alive. How are they maintaining her? Total life support?"

"No, she's not showing any symptoms other than pregnancy." The
three Lone Gunmen exchanged glances then turned back to Mulder.

"She's a wonder of science, man! What in all hell could be
keeping her alive?" They began jabbering to themselves and finally
noticed Mulder, pale and still off to himself. "You okay, man?"

"Why did you assume she was dead?"

"The amount of toxins, Mulder, haven't you been paying
attention? Nobody could live with the chemicals we've found floating
around in their bloodstream."

{Scully?}

{I should have warned you. Let them do their analysis, meet me
at my apartment}.

What did she know? His mind was racing, what else was she
keeping from him? God, how could he live if his child killed her? 
He arrived at her apartment only praying that he hadn't hurt anyone
in route, because he had no memory of the trip.

~*~*~

He burst in, as though he expected her to be dead on the floor.
"Explain it to me!"

"I can't explain what I don't understand, Mulder. I don't know
why I'm alive, unless the baby is keeping me that way to protect
himself."

"You have to get rid of it Scully. You can't endanger your
life like this."

"Mulder, listen to me. The baby is, I believe, the only reason
I'm alive right now. If he were taken from me, suddenly, I'd die. I
can't prove that, but the tests Byers ran. . ."

"Scully!"

"I feel fine. I am not lying to you about this, Mulder. I am
either being shielded from this or Byers is 100% wrong. I don't
believe the latter is the case. The pregnancy needs to progress as
normally as possible. My blood pressure is fine; my weight gain has
been negligible so far. If you don't do the blood chemistry
everything looks normal. I don't know what an ultrasound would
reveal, but I am not going to have one, so that's a moot point
anyway, because we know when conception occurred. Vitamins are
another matter and I have decided not to take any, just to eat as
healthy as I can. You have to trust me on this, Mulder. I will do
everything in my power to deliver a healthy baby and survive the
process. If that is not possible, I need you to protect the baby
from the factions that would try to take him. Can you promise me
that?"

He closed his eyes and leaned back so that his head lay against
the back of the sofa. "Mulder, if you can't do this, I need to know
now. I need to make arrangements for the baby's and my protection."

"No, I'll do anything you need. It's just" he shook his head.

"I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you again."

"Maybe you won't. He can obviously do things we don't
understand; maybe he can save me, when the time comes. I just have
to believe he will." He held out his hand and she joined him on the
sofa, enveloped in his arms.

"You so sure it's a he?"

She nodded against his chest. If she were that sure, then it
was a boy. It was almost as though she were communicating with him.
By mutual consent, the subject was not discussed any further
that night, but they slept clutching each other, afraid not to be
touching.

~*~*~

Her meeting with Skinner the next morning was anti-climatic. 
Mulder did not attend physically, and Skinner, while unhappy to be
deprived of Scully's expertise, even for a short time, seemed to
understand her need to be away from the X-files. His only request
was that she not close any doors about returning to his area when her
sabbatical ended. 

"That is difficult to promise, Director Skinner. "

"I realize how hard it could be work with someone like Agent
Mulder, with your background in the real world. . ."

{Snort!}
{Stop that, I have to concentrate}

"and hard science, but you've done an outstanding job these
past five years and we really need you to keep his feet on the
ground."

"I appreciate your confidence in me, Sir, and I will give the
position every consideration."

"You really have to take this time now?"

"Absolutely, that is not negotiable, but I will be in touch
later to see if you have a position when I am ready to return."

"I'm going to miss you, Dana. I really hope you do decide to
return to this area. Let me know if I need to expedite anything for
you."

She nodded and returned to her office. "So you were suppose to
spy on me AND keep my feet on the ground? Hope they were paying you
double."

"Ha, for what I've put up with triple wouldn't be enough."

"Like what?"

"Well, fluke man comes immediately to mind."

"A few trivial annoyances. Look at all the wonderful things
you've learned with me."

"Insanity run deep in your family? Should I be worried?"

"I just hope they don't try to stick me with another partner. 
The last pairing was. . ."

"No, don't think about that. Put anything you think is mine in
a box, will you, and I'll go do the paperwork in Personnel. See you
at home later." 

He couldn't help but smile, "home".

He was waiting for her at her apartment that evening.  "Well,
you're looking at an unpaid, unemployed, unmarried pregnant woman. 
How far I've come in this world."

"Completely unpaid?"

"That's the part you hear? No, I have several weeks vacation
I'm going to use and my insurance will stay in force. And if I
return I'll be reinstated at my present level, Skinner did that for
me."

"Quit saying if, okay?"

"Yes sir. Can't wait to try and locate day care for this one.. ." 

He grinned at her, "Oh, for the record I did hear everything
you said and I have an idea how to help."

"I was kidding, Mulder. I don't need your money, unless you
plan to charge me rent for your place in Virginia."

"Not that part, the unmarried part." He waited for her to look
up at him.

"What?"

"Well, damn, I've never done anything like this before, do I
really get down on one knee?"

"You do and I'll kick it out from under you. Mulder, no, I. .
. no, that's not our relationship." 

"You're carrying my baby." {We don't know that} He chose to
ignore her, "and you're my best friend in the world, and now we know
{stop} Why? I want to marry you, I want to wake up next to you
forever and I want to be part of your life."

"You are and always will be part of my life, but I won't let
you marry me just because I made a bad joke."

"That had nothing to do with it, other than give me a opening. 
At least think about it, Scully. Don't shut me out completely. I'll
ask again when you've had some time. My mother would be thrilled,
she likes you better than she likes me already."

She tried to set the table, but they both noticed her hands
were shaking. "Did I cause that?"

"Mulder, I. . .please don't bring this up again. I can't
handle it right now.  Besides, I have to call my mother tonight and
I don't need. . ."

"I'll get back to you on it later."

~*~*~

After supper, while he cleaned up she got her mother on the
phone and began explaining to her about the sabbatical when her
mother broke it, "Are you and Fox squabbling again? I swear I wish
you two would admit how much you love each other and stop this."

"Mom?"

"I'm serious! If you could only see the two of you from my
perspective you would realize what is going on and stop the
bickering."

"I beg your pardon?"

"What you really need to do it find a bed and. . ."

"Mother!" 

"Do think I'm so old that I can't remember what a good sex life
can do for you?"

"I am not going to have this conversation with you. I can't. .
. listen, I need to do some packing. I'll give you a call next week."

"Think about what I said and don't be gone too long. You two
need to find a way to work this out and running from it isn't the
way."

"I. . . I will think about it, Mom. You've caught me off guard
and I'm not sure. . . I'll give you a call in few days.  I love you."

"I love you too, Dana and I want you to be happy. Be careful,
and I'll talk to you soon."

She replaced the phone and sat staring at it. Mulder came into
the living room drying his hands and caught sight of her expression. 
"She bought your story and wants me out of your life completely,
because I cause you so much stress, right?"

"Not exactly." She looked up at him, totally bemused, "She
thinks I ought to jump your bones."

Mulder stared at her in disbelief, and then a grin appeared on
his face, "You know, I have always liked your mother."

She grabbed the wet towel from his hands and threw it in his
face. He followed her into the bedroom and she smiled as his arm
snaked around her. "Don't you know you should always do what your
mother tells you."

~*~*~
~*~*~

FBI Headquarters
10:30 a.m.

The meeting in Skinner's office was boring for Mulder, if
Scully hadn't been listening and feeding him questions to ask he
would probably be asleep already. Not that he completely understood
many of the questions or answers, but he enjoyed the look on
Skinner's face when he pronounced some medical term correctly.

{Mulder, there's a car pulling up outside. Would your Mother
come here?}

{Let me see it} She walked to the door to peek through the
curtains as three armed men raced toward the house. {Scully!} One
kicked the door in, breaking the glass. Not a word was spoken as
they reached for her.

And she was gone from his mind.

"Scully!" He didn't realize he'd spoken aloud, but he was on
his feet and his chair had toppled over backwards.

"Mulder?"

"I have to go."

"Hold it!"

"This is an emergency." He was already half way out the door
when Skinner grabbed his arm. He clenched his fist to strike
Skinner, realized where he was and attempted to calm down. "I have
to go, now."

Skinner turned to the people seated around the conference
table. "This meeting is adjourned. I'll have my secretary
reschedule with you as soon as possible. Thank you for coming." The
rest of the people in the meeting, obviously startled at the sudden
turn of events began gathering their materials. Without releasing
Mulder's arm Skinner grabbed his jacket from his chair.

"Let's go."

"What?"

"You said it was an emergency, let's go."

"You can't. . ." He looked at Skinner's face, "Come on!" They
raced down the stairs, Mulder being unable to wait for the elevator. 
Skinner herded him to his private parking space and climbed in the
driver's side. Mulder hesitated for an instant, then joined him in
the car.

"I can handle this, sir. There's no need. . ."

"Looks like you're going to need backup, whatever this is. Is
Scully in trouble?"

Mulder looked at him, "Why. . . why do you ask?"

"You rarely make that kind of scene in my office, and you did
call out her name."

"I did?"

"Where are we headed?" Mulder gave him directions and with
blessedly little traffic to thwart them, they headed south. "Are you
going to tell me what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Listen, I've seen you in all kinds of situations and facing
all kinds of strange things, but until today, in that meeting, I have
never seen you terrified. Since I'm headed toward the same thing,
I'd like to know what we're facing. I'd also like to know how you
know Scully's in trouble."

"It's a. . . it's a long story."

"It's a long ride. Start talking; tell me why you're so
worried about her. She's a trained agent, and hasn't been gone long
enough to forget anything."

"Things are different. She, uh. . ." He focused out the
window. "Can't you go any faster?"

"Why don't you think she can handle herself?"

God, could he trust this man? They had been through a lot
together, but this information. . . it was so hard for him to trust
anyone anyway. Oh Scully, what should I do? There was no answer from
that quarter; he was on his own. "When was the last time you had
this car checked for bugs?"

"Yesterday. Why?"

 He turned to Skinner and took a deep breath. "She's pregnant,
okay?  She's due in three weeks."

Skinner's hands tightened around the steering wheel, Mulder
watched the knuckles go white. "Are you telling me you got your
partner pregnant?" He demanded in a dangerously quiet tone.

"It wasn't like that." But Mulder could no longer meet
Skinner's eyes.

"I never thought you were the kind of man who needed to be
reminded that there were consequences to every action."

"Can this wait? We've got to get to her. Now!"

After a few deep breaths, he asked, "How do you know there's a
problem?"

"We're linked. I can't explain it."

"Well you damn well better try, because I'm ready to. . ." He
took another deep breath. "Talk."

So he did. He explained their theories and the lengths they
had gone to keep everything secret. It took quite a while to go over
everything and after a couple of questions early on, Skinner sat and
listened in silence. When Mulder finished there was a long silence
in the car.

Finally Skinner glanced over at him. "Do you expect me to
believe any of this?"

"I don't give a fuck what you believe. I saw those men reach
for her and I felt her disappear from my mind. The child is real; I
know both of them are in danger. You explain how I could ask those
questions in your meeting, hell I don't even know what I said, but
she understood and asked follow ups."

"Yeah, I had noticed that several times lately. Guess I just
hoped she was rubbing off on you. But Mulder, a half alien child,
conceived while abducted."

"I'm personally more concerned with how anybody found her and
what they know. She knew her life would be in danger, more from
humans than from him as it turns out." If she had been taken again,
what would he do? Could he even survive? Would he want to? 

"Look, you're right, my beliefs aren't important at this time. 
When we get there we'll get her out as quickly as we can."

"If she's still alive." There was silence in the car after
that. Skinner concentrated on driving.


Mulder tortured himself with scenes from their months together. 

He saw her again sitting on the stone bench in the garden,
facing the lake, leaning back on her arms, belly extended, eyes
closed, enjoying the sun. He saw her face break into a smile when
she realized he was watching her and her extending her arms to be
assisted to her feet. It was all he could do to move when she smiled
at him like that, and she was his. Finally after all those years,
she really was his. And she loved him. She knew practically
everything about him and still she loved him. He hadn't been loved -
really loved - since he was 12 years old. It was almost too much to
take in.

He saw her leaning against him on the sofa, practicing her
Lamaze breathing. 

She was again on her knees in the garden, weeding or settling
back on her heels to get a deeper breath or stretch.

His hands could almost feel the silkiness of her skin while he
felt the baby doing gymnastics inside of her. 

He remembered being startled at her tears following an old
movie, and her grin, "I mist up at commercials now, Mulder, don't
worry about it." 

He remembered her fear that her expanding waist-line would turn
him off, and when he was finally able to reassure her, her confession
that no one had ever told her how horny pregnancy could make someone.


Skinner finally broke the silence. "She can stay at my
apartment for a few weeks, she shouldn't be alone down here anyway. 
Has her pregnancy been normal? I mean, any problems?"

"No, the pregnancy has been text-book perfect. She's glowed
with health."

"No morning sickness?"

"Well actually, I had the morning sickness." Skinner rolled
his eyes. "It's true." Mulder responded, stung.

"Oh I believe you, Mulder. I might not believe anyone else
with that line, but you, yes I believe." Well, he thought, that
explains the vacation he put in for, now it made sense. "Look we'll
be there soon and you've got to be on top of your game. If they have
taken her we've got to start an immediate search. I can't back up
someone who's not there. Do you understand me?"

"You're right. Damn it's never taken this long to get there. 
I need to know what is going on!" He spotted the turn off and
pointed it out to Skinner, who took it at full speed. Another twenty
minutes put them at the road that led to the house. Skinner pulled
over and looked at Mulder.

"You ready?" Mulder nodded and handed him the napkin where he
had drawn the layout of the area and the house. "Do you want to go
in from the lake?"

"No, not if we're going for surprise. That screen door would
wake the dead. . ." he closed his eyes as he realized what he had
said. "She's been after me to fix it, so it wouldn't wake the baby."
He shook himself. "The door they broke down, that's the best way in,
we just need to come at it from the woods instead of the road. We
can get a lot closer without being seen."

"So we leave the car here. Come on." They drew their guns
then, no doubt in their minds that terminal force would be used. 
Mulder led through the woods until the house was in sight.

"That's the car, it's still here. What are they. . .?"

"Then she's probably still here too. Maybe it's a plain
hostage situation and she's not necessarily the target."

"That's not how it looked. You go to the east, that's the
kitchen windows, I'll take the west, the bedroom." They split up and
approached the house with full caution. There was no one in the
bedroom, so Mulder moved around to the front of the house where the
door hung open, staying below the windows. Hearing nothing he tried
to see around the door, there was a burn mark on the carpet, but no
movement. Skinner joined him after circling the house.

"It looks like there's no one here. There may have been
another vehicle."

"Could be, I didn't see anything after they broke the door
down. There's no one in the bedroom, I can't tell about upstairs. 
Did you notice the burn mark on the carpet? That wasn't there
before."

Skinner nodded and checked his gun one more time. "Ready?" 
Mulder nodded and went in high, Skinner half a step behind him and
low. There was no one. Skinner started for the stairs when Mulder
spotted her on the floor. "Scully." He was barely breathing. Her
pulse, beneath his shaking fingers was firm and regular, and there
were two more burn marks on the carpet beside her. He nodded at
Skinner and both approached the stairs. A quick look assured them
that they were alone in the house.

Mulder returned to her side, "Sweetheart, can you hear me? 
Please, Scully, wake up." She stirred and opened her eyes.

"I'll look around outside." Skinner murmured and Mulder nodded.

"Mulder? What are you. . ." She held out a hand for him to
help her up, but he ignored it.

"Stay there for now. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. How did you get here? What. . .?"

"What do you remember?" He slipped a pillow from the sofa
under her head.

"We were at the meeting in Skinner's office, I was trying to
keep you awake."

"Do you remember a car driving up?"

"Yes. Oh my god, those men, where are they?"

"We haven't found them yet. What else happened?"

"We?"

"Skinner's with me. I apparently made quite a scene in his
office when you vanished from my mind. He insisted on coming."

"So he knows about. . ."

"Yeah, he knows everything. I didn't know what we'd find. 
Suddenly you were just gone."

"I don't remember, they broke in the door and I lose it there."

"Me too. Skinner said he had never seen me terrified before,
it's because I've never been so damned scared in my life."

"Can I get up now? The rug doesn't make this floor that soft."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I think so." She gripped his arm to pull herself into a
sitting position, then stopped and as he watched with mounting panic
she began the breathing they had practiced so diligently. 

After she took the deep cleansing breath he was able to
whisper, "labor?"

"That would be my first guess. And Mulder, I don't think it
just started."

"What do you mean?"

"Contractions don't start out lasting over sixty seconds. 
Apparently I've been in labor for a while."

"Oh."

She smiled at him; "It will be okay, Mulder. Come on, help me
up." He got her steady on her feet and began leading her to the
bedroom. "I don't think this is going to take very long."

"Why?"

"It's difficult to walk. Could you help me to the bathroom?"

"Sure, you need me to. . . I mean, do you want me. . ."

"I can handle this, just please don't go too far, okay?" She
squeezed his hand; "It really will be all right."

"I know, but I think I'm suppose to be the one reassuring you."

"When you get some color back in your face I'll let you."

"My 'cool exterior' seems to have deserted me. If you're sure
you don't need me in there, I'll go find Skinner and bring him up to
date on what's happening."

"Good idea." She squeezed his hand again and disappeared into
the bathroom. Mulder placed his hand on the door jam to steady
himself and took a few deep breaths, then went to find Skinner.

Skinner was checking the outside of the house. "Mulder! Over
here. There are no footprints of anyone leaving, I can see where
they left the car, but they didn't go back to it. I don't like it;
they have to be around here. We need to get going, can she travel?"

Mulder shook his head. "We're not going anywhere." Skinner
looked up, puzzled. "She's in labor." 

"Is she sure? I mean. . ."

"She's sure." They both heard her cry out his name and
scrambled to their feet, racing to the house. Mulder burst into the
bathroom with Skinner on his heels to find her supporting herself on
the sink, breathing heavily.

"My. . . my water broke. Could you get me a towel? And maybe
something dry to put on?" Mulder reached up on a shelf and snagged a
towel while Skinner silently retreated from the room, and returned a
moment later with a nightgown he had found, then left again. Mulder
sat her carefully on the edge of the tub and knelt before her to
begin drying her off. "I can do that."

"I want to. Keep your hands on my shoulders, I'll help you
change in a minute." He held her as another contraction, much
stronger than the other that he had witnessed, racked her body, this
one at eye level. "My god, Scully."

"The contractions are always stronger when the amniotic cushion
is gone, remember?"

"Is that the second one?"

"No, I had one other before my water broke."

"That means they're. . ." he swallowed, "we need to get you in
bed." She nodded. He unbuttoned the smock she was wearing and
gently pulled the nightgown over her head. "I'm going to ask Skinner
to help us get you in the other room. Okay?" She nodded again, her
eyes closed. Refusing to let go of her, he caught the door with his
foot and pulled it open. Skinner appeared in the doorway. "We need
to get her to the bed." He nodded and came on in.

"Dana, are you doing okay?" She opened her eyes and tried to
smile.

"As well as can be expected, I think, Sir."

"Why don't we use Walter, under the circumstances." She nodded
and then moaned slightly as they lifted her to her feet. Skinner had
been busy while Mulder looked after her. The bedcovers were pulled
back and there was a large glass of ice on the bedside table. They
got her settled before the next contraction crested and Mulder
explained to Skinner where the tray they had prepared for this
occasion was located. He returned with it in seconds and watched as
Mulder gently wiped her brow with a cool cloth. He placed the tray
on the luggage rack beside the bed and touched Mulder's arm.

"Can I see you a minute?"

He nodded, and turned to Scully, "I'm not leaving, I'll just be
at the door." She nodded, keeping her eyes closed.

"Have you ever delivered a baby?"

"No, but I've been studying. Why, have you?"

"Well, yeah. Twice in 'Nam."

Mulder actually sagged a little, as he whispered, "Thank god."

"I don't want to interfere. I just. . ."

"Interfere, damn it.  God, I hate this. I didn't know it
would be this bad. This is. . ."

"Mulder!"

He was back at her side, letting her squeeze his hand. When it
had passed she opened her eyes. "You need to see how I'm
progressing. Do it now, before another one hits." He turned to
Skinner.

"You can do this Mulder. I'll be here in an advisory
capacity." Mulder started to protest, thought better of it, and
slipped on a glove.

"More than seven, almost eight I think. It won't be too much
longer." She nodded, her eyes again closed, trying to relax. "Do
you want some ice?" She nodded, then shook her head.

"Wait." She began her breathing again while Mulder watched
helplessly. Shortly he motioned for Skinner to speak with him at the
door again.

"How long does this take? My god, she can't go on like this." 
He whispered.

"She's doing great. She's working with the contractions, not
fighting them. Its actually going very quickly, she was probably
unconscious for most of it.  It will take as long as it takes; you
need to try to relax a little. You don't want her to pick up tension
from you. Listen I know this is hard, it is for me too, I didn't
know those women in Vietnam, I was just in the wrong place at the
wrong time the for the first one, they called me for the second one
because I was "experienced". She really is doing well."

"It's so hard."

"Labor, remember. And face it, you and I are really useless
here, she has to do all the work. We can only be supportive at this
point."

"Do you have any children?"

"No, the only time Sharon got pregnant she miscarried at five
months. We weren't able to conceive again."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"No! Not anymore! Mulder make it stop!" Both men looked up
startled and raced to her side.

"Sweetheart, please do the breathing. It won't hurt as much if
you concentrate on your breathing. Remember what we practiced."  

"No, I won't!" She raised her hand as if to slap him and was
suddenly doubled over in pain and gasping for breath.

"Transition! Scully, you're in transition, it's almost over,
remember?"

"Trans. . . transition. Yes."

"Let me check you, don't push yet. I'll try not to hurt you."

"I don't care, just get him out!" The time between
contractions was minimal, so Mulder hurried to slip on the glove.

"Scully, he's here. He's crowning, it's almost over."

"Mulder," Skinner whispered, "If you want to help her push, I
can handle this part."

"Yes, please." So Mulder positioned himself in the bed behind
her, as they had practiced those nights on the sofa, and with the
next contraction she began pushing.

" . . . nine, ten. Deep breath." She relaxed back against
him. "A couple more like that and you're going to make us parents." 
He wiped the cool cloth over her forehead and then her breasts, which
glistened with sweat. "Rest while you can, Sweetheart." She nodded
and squeezed his hand.

He felt her body begin to tense again. "Ready?" He whispered.
She nodded and he began counting again.

"Dana, one more push and I think we'll have the head out. You
know you need to pant then, not push, for just a minute?"

She nodded, and Mulder once again began counting, faltering as
he watched the head emerge from her body.

"Okay, don't push. Just a second." Skinner quickly suctioned
out the nose and mouth and wiped the face a little. "Okay, Dana,
let's finish this up."

"One more push, Sweetheart. Then you can rest." She bore down
with the last of her strength and cried out as the shoulders left her
body, then collapsed back against Mulder's chest.

"I've got him! It's a boy. He looks great."

Scully tried to lift her arms to take him, to see him better
through her tears, but Skinner placed him on her chest and Mulder
placed her arms around him.

"He's not crying." Mulder put his hand on him.

"No, but he is breathing. He's fine."

"Scully, are you. . .in touch with him?"

"Yes. He's doing fine."

Skinner scooped up the umbilical clips and attached them, then
reached for the scissors, and handed them to Mulder. "This is your
job, Dad." Mulder's hands were shaking when he took them, but
steadied immediately and he separated them, laid the scissors down
and took the baby into both of their arms to hold as he caressed
Scully's face with his free hand.

"Hey, guys, one more bit of work and then I'll give you three
some privacy. You ready to push again?"

"Mulder, why don't you take the baby and wash him off a little
while we do this."

"No, I need to be here." She nodded. Skinner placed his hand
on her abdomen and together they expelled the placenta.  Mulder
turned very pale and gulped for breath, but did not flinch from the
sight.

"I'll check it later, Walter."

"Okay," he wrapped it in one of the sterile drapes, "looks
intact and perfect to me, but you'd know better. I'll see you guys
in a little bit." He placed everything on the tray and left the
room, gently closing the door.

"Are you all right?"

"Are you really asking me that? My god, Scully, what you did.
. . I had no idea. The tapes lie."

"The women in the tapes have epidurals, and if the woman has a
hard time, you don't see the tape."

"So there's no truth in advertising. Scully, he's gorgeous, I
thought all babies looked like red prunes."

"They do, you're seeing him through different eyes. Well, he's
got ten fingers and ten toes at least."

"Yeah, and I know he's mine now."

"What?"

"He's hung like a horse. I'd know him anywhere." Scully just
looked at him, shaking her head and smiling. He winked and got up.

"Where are you going?"

"To get a cloth and start cleaning you up a little. Him too,
when I'm finished."

"Thanks, I didn't realized how tired I'd be."

"You didn't see it from this side. I'm surprised you're able
to talk. Go ahead and rest. I'll look after him, just as soon as
you're comfortable."

"He should come first."

"No one is ever going to come before you." She looked up from
her son and fresh tears spilled from her eyes. "I didn't mean to
start that over."

"I'll let you know if I ever get my emotions back under
control. Just don't hold your breath."

She dozed while he cleaned and diapered the baby. Then, to
make sure she had quiet; he took the baby into the other room where
Skinner was waiting.

"How is she doing?"

"It's unbelievable. You'd have to bury me after that. She's
resting and says she feels fine."

"Good, we need to get her out of here. My third delivery and I
still haven't done one without being armed. Mulder, those guys
didn't leave here."

"What?"

"Look at these burn marks on the rug. Three of them, isn't
that a hand print?"

"Are you saying Scully. . . "

"No, him. Your son, he protected her and himself. Those three
men were, hell, vaporized. On this one you can see the outline of
what I think is a shoe, that one the hand and here, isn't that a gun
barrel outlined in the scorch mark?"

Mulder got down on one knee, still holding his son tightly
against him, to see better. After a minute he rose, "You're right. 
I never expected a theory like that from you. So what do we do?"

"They never reported in and they didn't come back with her. 
Someone's going to be looking for them and are probably already on
their way."

"We can't move her yet."

"I don't want to, but I don't see a lot of alternatives here. 
We'll take her back to my place; Sharon can look after her better
than we can anyway. Mulder," Skinner grinned down at him, "she's the
Skinner you should have had here. She's a licensed mid-wife. She
does this all the time."

"Then how the hell did I get stuck with you?"

"We didn't need a mid-wife on the way down, remember?"

"Seriously, I can never thank you enough for what you did. I
don't think I could have handled it alone."

"Sure you could have. You and Scully have always been able to
do whatever it takes." Skinner grasped his shoulder and then came
closer to give the baby a better look. The baby took Skinner's
finger and looked him solemnly in the eyes. "He hasn't cried at all
has he?"

"Not a peep. Guess he isn't sad about anything."

"Or he can make he wishes known another way. Why did you ask
Scully if she was in touch with him?"

"She's. . . communicated with him almost from the beginning
though she didn't realize it at first. I think that's how she kept
sane in the beginning, when she first remembered. We think he's the
reason we've been able to always be in touch."

"You're going to have to protect this one. There are a lot of
people. . . well; you know more about that than I do. Let's get
everything packed, so when she wakes we can get out of here."

They gathered up all of the things they thought a baby would
need and a couple of changes of clothes for Scully and loaded the
car, which Skinner had brought up to the house. When everything else
was ready Mulder went to wake Scully. This proved to be more
difficult than he had anticipated and she was disoriented when she
finally did wake.

"Scully, do you know where you are?" He finally asked,
anxiously.

"It. . . I'm at your house, right?"

"Yeah, you had the baby."

"The baby. Is he all right?"

"He's fine. Are you okay?" Her face was slightly flushed.

"Sure, I. . .I guess I was just deep asleep."

"We need to get out of here, Scully. I'm sorry to have to move
you, but we don't know when someone else is going to show up."

She closed her eyes again. When she opened them she grasped
his hand; "We need to leave now. Someone is coming."

He didn't wait for further explanations but gathered her up in
his arms. She moaned as he lifted her off the bed. "I'm sorry."

"Hurry. Just hurry. Where's the baby?"

"Skinner's putting him in the car. I know he shouldn't be up
front, but it's all we've got."

"He can be in the back with me, in the car seat."

"No, I want you to lie down. You don't. . .I want you to be
comfortable." He handled her as gently as possible placing her in
the back seat, but tears still came to her eyes as he tried to
position her. "I'm sorry."

She just shook her head, "Let's get out of here."

He climbed into the front seat with the baby in a seat between
himself and Skinner. "You heard her, I don't think we have much
time. Take the back way, it's a little rougher but no one will find
it without having grown up here." It was rougher and he immediately
regretted his decision when he heard her stifled moans from the back.
He reached back and took her hand. "It's not far. Try to hold on." 
She nodded and kept hold of his hand. The baby gazed about bright
eyed and seemed to absorb everything about him.

When they finally reached pavement again she seemed to improve,
but very shortly he became aware of her labored breathing.  "You
better pull over, I'm going to get in the back with her."

"She's not doing too well, is she?"

"No." He crawled into the floor of the back seat. "She's
running a fever. I don't know what to do."

"Surely Tylenol can't hurt her. Try to get some down her and
keep her head cool. I'll try to raise Sharon." He dug his cell
phone out of his pocket and dialed. "Sharon?"

"Walter? Is anything wrong?"

"Yes, but I can't go into over the phone. Do you have a key to
my apartment?"

"Yes."

"Please go there and wait for me. Bring your bag."

"Walter, are you okay?"

"It's not me. I really need you." There was pause at the
other end as this comment was absorbed.

"I'll be there, Walter. How long will you be?"

"It'll be at least an hour. I'll call you when we're closer. 
Don't tell anyone know where you're going and make sure you aren't
followed. Sharon, please take every precaution. If anyone finds
out, you could be in great danger."

"I understand. I'll have everything ready. Walter, please be
careful."

"Thanks. I. . .I'll call back." He disconnected the call and
glanced back at Mulder.

"Sir, are you okay?"

"Fine. How's Scully?" Skinner had regained his military
abruptness and Mulder understood.

"Not good. I don't know what else to do. Maybe we should take
her to a hospital." She squeezed his hand and shook her head. 
"Scully, you are very sick. You need more than I can do."

"Get me to Sharon." Skinner glanced back, startled, and then
caught Mulder's eye.

"I'll hurry."

She squeezed his hand again. "Yes? What can I do?"

"The baby, I need to feed him."

"No Scully, you're not strong enough. We can use some of the
formula in the bag."

She shook her head. "He needs. . . please." He looked at her
a moment longer then reached into the front seat and began unbuckling
the child. She was too weak to hold him, so Mulder held him to her
breasts. The nursing itself obviously gave her great pain, but she
continued to insist until the child was finished. She was markedly
weaker following this endeavor and as Mulder was strapping the baby
back into his seat he signaled this to Skinner. 

~*~*~

With the building finally in sight, Skinner pulled out his cell
phone again. "Sharon?"

"I'm here, Walter. Where are you?"

"Pulling in. Send the freight elevator down to the 2nd level."

"I'll be waiting for you."

Skinner pulled into the parking slot closest to the elevator,
disconnected the car seat, and pulled the seat from the car. "Can I
help you?" Mulder was trying to be gentle lifting Scully from the
car but it wasn't helping.

"Just get the elevator. Anything we do is going to hurt her."

The elevator door opened and Skinner held it while Mulder
hurried inside with her in his arms. Sharon was waiting at the open
door when they reached his floor. Once they were all inside, Sharon
shut and deadbolted the door then turned. She was obviously
overwhelmed with what she saw, but after the first glance realized
that Scully was her top priority.

"In here." She led Mulder into Walter's bedroom and helped him
lay her on the bed. After a quick visual examination, she turned to
Walter. "Did you deliver this baby?"

"Mulder and I did."

"How long ago?"

"About four hours, why?"

"Hours! There's no way she could be in this. . . Walter, can I
talk to you?" At his nod they walked into the living room, leaving
Mulder alone with her. "I can't handle this. I'm not sure anyone
could at this point."

"Are you saying she's dying?"

"Walter, I'm sorry, but yes, I think she is." His head fell,
then he looked at her again.

"Please, do what you can." She stared into his eyes, not
certain what she saw, and finally nodded. He took her hand and they
walked back to the bedroom.

She bent down and felt Scully's forehead. "Dana, can you hear
me?" There might have been a response; it was difficult to tell. "I
need to palpate your abdomen. This is going to hurt, and I'm sorry,
but it has to be done." She looked over at Mulder seated on the
other side of the bed. He nodded and she began. With what energy
she had, Scully moaned and tried to get away, but Mulder kept
stroking her hair and murmuring to her. 

"There's a mass I'm feeling. Walter, you did deliver the
placenta?"

"Yes, and it was intact and whole. She even examined it
herself. I didn't do an exam or anything, but. . ."

"Well, there's something there. I'm going to have to do a
pelvic on her. I need her permission."

"You have mine." Mulder spoke without looking away from her.

"Are you. . .?"

"I have her power of attorney and she has mine. Whatever you
have to do to save her, do it."

Walter and Sharon exchanged looks. "Fox, I'm not sure I can. 
She's very sick." He didn't respond, so Sharon pulled rubber gloves
from her bag. "I need you two to hold her."

"Hold her?"

"This is going to hurt like hell and I can't have her bucking
and trying to get away from me. One on each side, hold her at her
shoulder and thigh. Try not to let her move." Walter moved to one
side of the bed and Mulder stood up on the other side. They placed
their hands as instructed and waited.

"Scully, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm going to
examine you internally. Try not to fight me, I'll be as gentle as I
can." She took a deep breath and began her examination. The men
were completely unprepared for the strength left in Scully's body, or
for the shriek that tore from her before she went totally limp.

"She's passed out, you can let go of her now." It took several
seconds for the men to respond and when they did, Sharon turned to
Walter. "Get him out of here."

Walter looked at her questioningly and she nodded toward
Mulder. "Now. Get him out of here." Walter nodded and came around
the bed to take Mulder's arm.

"No, I'm not leaving."

"Yes you are, Mulder. You'll be in Sharon's way. She will do
everything she can, but we have to let her work. Come on." He led
Mulder from the room and seated him in his own favorite easy chair. 
Then he walked to the bar and poured both of them a generous brandy. 
He handed Mulder's to him. Mulder took a large gulp and began to
choke.

"It's brandy, Mulder. Sip it." He collapsed into an adjacent
chair and began to sip his own drink. Neither spoke for what felt
like ages. When the door to the bedroom opened Skinner tensed and
looked up, Mulder did not react. Sharon approached from behind
Mulder with an object in her hands. She stopped just short of his
chair.

"She's dead, isn't she." Mulder said in a flat voice.

"No, Fox, she's actually a little better." The glass slipped
from his nerveless fingers and bounced on the carpet. "I removed
this from her uterus." She lifted the object in her hand into view.

Skinner stood to get a better view. "That looks like a crystal."

"I believe it is and I don't have a clue how it could have
gotten there. If I didn't know better I'd say it was acting as an
additional placenta, except I know that's impossible. But, but there
were veins running through it." Skinner and Mulder exchanged a long
look and Skinner took the crystal into his hands.  "Fox, she was
asking for you, why don't you go on in. Fox?"

It was at that moment that Skinner realized that Mulder was
absolutely incapable of rising from the chair. "Come on." He
assisted Mulder to his feet and walked him toward the bedroom door. 
"You okay?" Mulder nodded and looked for what seemed like a long
time into Skinner's eyes. Skinner finally nodded; opened the door
and Mulder entered alone.

Scully was lying on the bed with her eyes closed. Mulder
approached and carefully took her hand, not disturbing the bed.

{Mulder}

{Scully! Oh god, Scully} He lay down beside her and when
Sharon next checked on them, they were peacefully asleep in each
other's arms.

~*~*~
~*~*~

Skinner's apartment
6:30 a.m.

"Mulder; wake up." Scully brushed his hair away from his face.
He came awake instantly.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. The baby's hungry, could you get him for me."

"Are you sure you're strong enough?"

"I did it before, with your help."

"Yeah. You know that's some great little communication system
he's got going. Still haven't heard him cry." He padded barefoot
over to the door, but before he could open it, Sharon came in
carrying the baby. She was obviously startled to see them awake and
Mulder up.

"I guess he 'communicated' with you. Walter's been trying to
explain things to me."

"Yeah." Mulder grinned, "I'll take him."

"Okay, call me if you need anything."

Mulder placed the baby beside Scully on the bed, and propped
her up with pillows to a more comfortable position.

"I'm not sure I'm strong enough to hold him."

"We'll do it together. At least we don't have to worry about
him fussing. He's pretty tolerant of my ineptitude."

"Nice to see you be inept about something."

"I don't know about that, you've made me seem pretty inept
about a lot lately. I definitely made the right choice not going
into medicine."

"You get by."

He became serious; "I never want to just 'get by' where you're
concerned. That was too close."

"We're all fine now, don't think about it. Come on, he's
hungry, is there another pillow?" Together they got him fed, then
sprawled on the bed exploring him.


Mulder woke to find Scully crying, shaking her head, softly
crying "no" over and over.  He shook himself awake, "What? What's
wrong? Are you in pain?" He quickly scanned both her and the baby. 
She met his eyes with the bleakest expression he had ever seen.

"Get Sharon." He scrambled to do as she asked, but was stopped
at the door when he saw Sharon in Skinner's arms in the living room,
also in tears.

"What's going on?" Skinner walked Sharon to the door and took
Mulder's arm.

"Let them talk."

"Is Scully okay? What's going on?"  Sharon went on into the
bedroom and shut the door, leaving the two men alone in the living
room. "What?"

"Let Scully tell you. She's okay, physically. I swear,
Mulder, she's okay. Just give them a few minutes."

Mulder started to protest, but one look at Skinner's face
assured him that he wasn't going to get anything else out of him. He
slumped into a chair and rubbed his face.

After what seemed a great deal of time, even though his watch
viciously told him he was wrong, the door opened and Sharon emerged
carrying the baby. "Is she okay?"

"She needs you." As Mulder hesitated, he watched Sharon place
the baby in Skinner's arms and then the two of them embraced. Too
many questions to ask there, he headed into the bedroom to find
Scully, eyes red, staring into space.

"Scully, what is it? Please."

"We can't keep him. Sharon and Walter are going to raise our
son."

"What are you talking about? No way, he's ours."

"We can't keep him safe, or ourselves either if he's with us. 
No one can know I even had him, ever. He's right."

"He's right? You mean the baby made this decision? He put me
to sleep, didn't he? Shit! Scully, we can work something out."

"The decision is made, Mulder. He's theirs now."

"How can you. . . No, god it would be like losing Samantha all
over again, I can't. . . " he stopped at the look on her face and
just took her in his arms. His pain was nothing compared to the pain
of the woman he adored above all else. How she must be suffering.

~*~*~

"Scully, we'll see him, at least we know where he is. We won't
have to wonder for the rest of our lives if he's dead or alive." At
least comforting her gave him something to grasp at.

"You know that's not the same."

"We're together now, we can have a baby in the future, when
you're ready. We won't have to hide it."

"I'm supposed to replace my son?"

"At least we know you actually can have children now, I mean. .
. " He stopped, wishing he could bite back the words.

"What are. . . what do you mean?" She looked up; tears still
glistening in her eyes.

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"No, where did you get the idea that I couldn't have children?"

"It was just something, some nonsense. . . "

"Where did you hear I was barren?" She was damn insistent now.

"Why does it matter? It's not even true."

"Mulder, please!"

"Damn it, it was the clones, the hybrid clones. They. . . they
said the same procedure that gave you the cancer also caused you to
be barren."

"When. . . " she had to take a breath, her chest had become too
tight. "When did you hear this?"

"Scully, forget it. It's not. . . "

"When did you hear this!" She was shaking.

"The night. . . damn it Scully, the night Penny died."

"But. . . but that was over two years ago! Did you not think I
needed, hell, deserved to know such. . . such intimate knowledge
about myself?"

"How could I tell you then? You were in terrible shape from
the chemo and Penny had just died. I couldn't say anything."

"Well maybe not that night, but in two years!"

"And just when is a good time to tell you something like that?"

"Well, when the cancer was gone. . . "

"Yeah, I was going to ruin that party with this kind of news."

"I don't mean that night! Mulder. . . oh my god!" She was
crying again.

"Scully, you weren't trying to get pregnant. We weren't
together and if there had been a. . . another relationship in your
life that was headed that way, I believed I would know! I would have
found a way to tell you. But why hurt you unnecessarily."

"Unnecessarily." She put her face in her hands. He tried to
take her in his arms, but she pulled away.

"Scully?"

"How. . . how could you keep something like this from me? 
What else? What else have you kept from me?"

"No! I've kept nothing from you. It wasn't even true!"

"It is true. The crystal, that's the only reason I was able
to. . . it's all gone." She was beyond tears. He took her by the
shoulders and forced her to look at him. The emptiness in her eyes
was terrifying. "Please let go of me." God, she sounded so formal.

"Scully?"

"Let go of me." He reluctantly removed his hands. "I want to
be alone."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Get out. Just get out."

"You're scaring me, Scully. I don't think you should. . . "

"Mulder, go away!"

He pushed himself off the bed and went to the door. He turned
but she refused to look at him, so he opened it and went out to the
living room to find Skinner waiting for him.

"You heard?"

"Enough."

"What do I do?"

"Give her some space, Mulder."

"Will she ever forgive me?"

"Yes, but you've got to give her some time."

"And in the meantime, I just give you my son." He said
bitterly. Skinner looked away for a moment.

"I don't have an answer for you, Mulder."

"You and Sharon aren't even together!"

"That's not entirely true. She's moved back in, we're talking."

"And that's suppose to be good enough? He needs his mother."

"This wasn't my decision, but I agree with it. He'll be safer
with us. There's no reason for anyone to bother him. . . he can be a
normal kid, or at least pretend to be."

"Shit!"

"You need some time, too. Why don't you go home for a few
hours? Take a shower, change, whatever."

"I don't want to leave her."

"She'll be okay, Mulder. You need to look after yourself too."
Mulder just sighed. "You know I'm right. Go on."

"My car's not even here."

"So take a cab. Mulder, you need some time. You've been on
adrenaline since you made the scene in my office. You can't go on
indefinitely."

"I know. You. . . you'll call me if she. . . " Could he really
make himself leave her, even for a minute? Skinner was right, he
needed to.

"I won't let anything happen to her, Mulder."

He nodded and without another word left the apartment. He had
the cab take him to the office where he picked up his own car and
headed home. Once there the shower did feel good, so did the fresh
clothes. 

~*~*~

Shortly after hearing Mulder leave, Scully emerged from the
bedroom.

"Scully - Dana, should you be up?" Skinner took her arm and
led her to the nearest chair.

"I want to go home."

"That's not a good idea, Dana. You're just not strong enough."

"I'll be fine. I need to leave here."

"No one's been at your apartment in months."

"No, my mother has been dropping by to make sure everything was
okay, check the mail, you know."

"Mulder will have my hide if I let you leave."

"This is not his concern."

"You are his concern, Dana, whether you want to be or not."

"I still need to leave. Could you please call me a cab?" If
she didn't get some time alone she would fly apart. She didn't want
to do that, not here.

"Walter." Neither of them had heard Sharon enter the room. 
"It's probably not the wisest thing, but she does need some time. 
Call her a taxi."  She knelt in front of Scully and placed a hand on
her knee. "Dana, you will call me if you start to bleed, or anything
else changes. Promise me."

Scully nodded. Sharon rose and went to gather her things. 
When the cab arrived, Skinner took her downstairs and helped her
inside. "We want to hear from you tomorrow morning, and earlier if
you need anything. Please don't worry about. . . "

Scully shook her head. "Thank you for. . . for everything."

Skinner squeezed her hand and gave the driver directions. Then
stood and watched her drive away.

~*~*~

Her legs were literally shaking when she let herself into her
apartment for the first time in months. She lowered herself into the
nearest chair to keep from collapsing. When she was able she forced
herself back to her feet and made her way into her bedroom, where she
lay on the bed. She was asleep before she could even pull the afghan
over herself.

~*~*~

Mulder, refreshed, hurried back to Skinner's apartment. "I
need to see her."

"Scully's gone." Skinner watched as all the blood drained from
Mulder's face and he grabbed Skinner's shoulder to keep from falling.
"No! Mulder, she went to her apartment. She wanted to get out of
here."

Mulder blindly found his way to a chair and buried his face in
his hands. "I could kill you."

"I'm sorry. I tried to call you, but you had already left. 
She didn't feel like she could stay here."

"She's not strong enough to be alone."

"I agree, but she'd made up her mind."

Mulder gave him a tight smile, "so you didn't stand a chance."

"Yeah, something like that."

They looked up as Sharon came in carrying the baby. Mulder
found himself unable to tear his eyes from his son.

"I didn't realize you were here, Fox. Would you like to hold
him?"

"Uh, no. I. . . I should probably leave. I'll see you at work."

"Why don't you take a few days, Mulder. You had planned a
vacation anyway."

"I'll, uh, I'll see. I'll call." He took once last look at
the baby and let himself out of the apartment. Sharon came to
Skinner and placed the baby in his arms.

"Are you really going to be safer with us?" He looked into the
bright eyes of the infant in his arms.

{No, they will be}

~*~*~

Mulder returned to his apartment. Once there he attempted to
eat, attempted to straighten up the place, began a movie, even laid
down on his sofa to try to rest, but kept startling awake from
unremembered dreams. He finally gave up and grabbed his keys. 

He tried to convince himself that he was driving aimlessly, but
he couldn't fool himself for long and finally parked across the
street from Scully's apartment. He leaned the seat back and made
himself comfortable.

The screams jerked him awake and he was already out of the car
and racing toward her building before he realized they were only in
his mind. He was already fumbling for her key as he raced up the
stairs. He could hear her moaning his name as he slammed into the
apartment.

"Scully wake up, it's just a dream. It's only a dream. Come
on, Sweetheart. Wake up." He rocked her in his arms as the
nightmare finally lost its grip on her.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah, it's me. You okay?"

"How long have you been here?"

"Well, I wasn't exactly here. I was parked across the street. 
I couldn't. . . I didn't feel right about leaving you alone. You may
not be happy about it, Scully, but you're stuck with me. I'm not
Mulder anymore, I'm MulderandScully, one entity and there's nothing I
can do about it."

"I hurt. I hurt so much. I'm so empty." Tears were again
pouring down her face.

"I know, and I can't make it go away, but I can be here." She
started to say something but he put his finger to her lips. 
"Remember our first assignment. You came to my room and gave me your
complete trust on a silver platter. I didn't earn it, or deserve it,
and I forced you to prove yourself to me over and over. Well now
it's my turn, I've got to earn back the trust I've abused so badly
with you. Please give me that chance."

She laid her head on his shoulder. "I've never been so tired."

"I know, let me clean you up and you go back to sleep." She
suddenly realized that her breasts were bleeding the milk she could
no longer give their son. Her face colored and she tried to hide
herself. 

"I can do it."

"I want to do it." He was back with a nightgown and a warm
cloth in no time. He stripped her of the dress she had worn from
Skinner's apartment and gently cleaned her, then redressed her and
tucked her under the covers. 

"I'll just be in the next room if you need anything."

"There's no need. . . "

"I am not leaving you alone."

"I was going to say there's no need to sleep out there, you're
too long anyway. You can. . . you can stay in here." He carefully
lay down on top of the covers beside her.

"No, I need to feel your skin." He wasted no time stripping to
his shorts and crawling under the covers. She was asleep even as she
curled into her favorite spot against his chest.

~*~*~

She woke feeling much more rested and reached for Mulder. The
bed was empty. {Mulder!}

{Here, here I'm coming} He raced into the bedroom.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, that was stupid. I just didn't know where you were."

He sat beside her on the bed and rubbed his thumb along her
cheekbone. "Well, I was going to fix you some breakfast, but there's
nothing here. Why don't you take your shower, get comfortable and
after you're back in bed, I'll go get some supplies."

"As good as that sounds, I'm not sure I can be on my feet that
long."

"I wasn't planning for you to do it alone." He again caressed
her face, "You never used to blush this much."

"I guess I used to be more proud of my body."

He looked up, startled. "Well, let me be proud of it for
awhile, until you get back in practice." He led her into the
bathroom and together they took a leisurely shower, he even washed
her hair. After she was safely tucked back into the bed, he took the
list and left to stock up.

After he was gone she picked up the phone and called her
mother. "You're back!! Oh Dana, I have missed you so much. Are you
planning to come over?"

"Actually, Mom I came home with a horrible case of flu. I'm in
bed. Don't come over, you do not want this."

"But there's nothing there for you."

"Mulder's been here, he's out getting groceries right now."

"Mulder? You not worried about giving him the flu?"

"He deserves what he gets for not listening. Just wanted you
to know I was home safe and I'll see you in a couple of days. Don't
worry, I'll be fine and if I need anything I will call. I'll call
tomorrow anyway, so you'll know I'm doing fine."

"Not okay, but as long as Mulder's looking after you, I guess
it's all right. I just can't wait to see you, my baby." Scully
froze, unable to speak for a second. "Dana?"

"I need to get off. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you." 
She hung up and lay staring at the ceiling. That's what she was
doing when Mulder returned.

He placed the grocery bags in the kitchen and came to check on
her. "What happened?"

"Nothing. It's not important."

"So tell me anyway."

"I called Mom, to let her know I was back. Told her I had the
flu and not to come over, you were looking after me."

"She didn't like that?"

"Probably not, but as we were hanging up, she called me 'her
baby'. It just caught me off guard."

"I don't know what to say. We need to talk about this
sometime. No, I know, not now." He took her hand. "But sometime,
soon. To change the subject, some of the items on your list were,
shall we say, unfamiliar, to me and the selection was vast, so I can
only hope I got what you wanted."

She gave him a wan smile, "Good training. You'll make someone
a fine husband."

"Are you finally accepting my proposal?"

She pulled her hand from his. "I'm not marrying you Mulder. I
am not going to marry anyone." Before he could voice his questions,
she continued, "I can't give you children. I refuse to put such a
restriction on your life."

"Are you saying that if I were injured in the line of duty and
couldn't get you pregnant you would quit loving me?"

"That's a totally different situation."

"Bullshit!"

"I don't have the energy to argue with you about this now." To
forestall the strained silence from continuing, Mulder rose from the
bed.

"I better get you something to eat." He walked stiffly from
the room and in seconds Scully heard the unmistakable sound of a fist
going through a door. She closed her eyes.

When he returned with her tray neither mentioned his swollen
and rapidly bruising right hand. "It's a poached egg and toast. Is
that okay?"

"Perfect, thank you. Have you eaten?"

"I'm not particularly hungry."

"You need to eat."

"Let me handle the nurturing for a while, okay? Go ahead and
eat." He sat and watched her and when she was through helped her lay
back down for a nap.

When the phone rang she barely stirred, but he came in shortly.
"Scully, I need you to wake up."

"What?"

"You didn't call Sharon this morning. She was worried."

"I forgot."

"Well, she said I had to give you this." He handed her three
pills.

"What is it?"

"Acetaminophen, take it." She obediently swallowed them. "And
these."

"What?"

"Ice packs. And when you're through with them I'm to get you
up and have you sit in the other room for twenty or so minutes to
help you regain your strength."

She held the ice packs in her hands, feeling overwhelmed and
totally helpless in the face of it. "Why can't everyone just leave
me alone. All I want is oblivion."

"Scully, that sounds. . . suicidal. Scully?" He forced her to
look into his eyes. "Scully?"

"I'm not going to kill myself, Mulder. You can believe me."

"Can I? I know you're hurting, I know you think you miss him
more than I do and hell, maybe that's true. I never had him inside
of me. But I've lost him too, Scully, and I'm in pain. All I have
left is you, and if I'm going to lose you too, then you're right,
oblivion doesn't sound that bad."

"Oh Mulder, Mulder I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere." She
pulled him to her to hold him as he cried. "I'm not going anywhere. 
We have work to do."

~*~*~

Seconds, the whole world could change in seconds. He sat
staring at his hands, no longer even seeing the blood that covered
them. Her blood. Seconds.

Information was harder to come by these days. Deep Throat was
dead, so was Mr. X. Marta Covarrubias had gone missing, and Cancer
Man was presumed dead. That last one. . . he wanted to witness the
autopsy on that one. Even then he wasn't convinced he'd feel certain
the bastard was really dead. But he'd finally gotten a lead on the
clones. He had to talk to them; they had to talk to Scully. Yes,
the cancer was gone, but they'd taken so much more from her. She
deserved to know what they'd done and what, if anything, they could
do about it

So they had set up the stake out. Unofficially of course,
Skinner would understand, but the documentation would never pass. 
They had been there several hours and were considering calling it a
day when Mulder spotted the red hair coming their way. "Scully." 
She followed his eyes and recognized Kurt Crawford, the man she had
last seen in Betsy Hagopian's basement, before Penny died. At her
nod they opened their doors and started out of the vehicle. 

Mulder spotted the shooter seconds before he heard the shot and
saw the red head crash backwards into the building across the street.
His gun was out and he had fired in one swift movement, the shooter
falling back as well.

"Mulder!" Scully slammed into his back, throwing him to his
knees and away from the gunshot of the shooter he hadn't seen. He
pivoted on his knees and neatly placed three rounds into the chest of
the second man.

"Thanks. I didn't know he was there. Scully? Scully!" He
saw her lying on the road, his mind limited to thinking, "her blouse
was white, not red" as he stumbled to his feet toward her. His cell
phone was out and he was punching 911 before his second step. 
"Officer down! 4th and Euclid, I need an ambulance now!!" He barely
heard the acknowledgement before dropping the phone. 

"You're going to be okay, Scully. Help is on the way. Let me
see where you were hit. Don't try to move." He ripped her blouse
open to see the entrance wound, on the right, just below the ribs. 
He was trying desperately to remember his anatomy. Where the hell
was all the blood coming from, did she have that much? He looked at
her face, the terror was clear in her eyes, but the pain was
beginning to overtake it. Her lips moved.

"Don't try to talk, Sweetheart. Just stay still." He nearly
lost it as he saw the bloody froth on her lips. "You are going to be
fine. Just lie still." He was beginning to hear a siren in the
distance. "God, hurry!" He thought, but dared not say. He had his
handkerchief out, pressing it over her wound to try to staunch the
bleeding. She put her hand on his and he forced himself to look into
her eyes again. What was she trying to say? If it were goodbye he
refused to hear, she would be all right. His mind refused to process
any other conclusion.

"Let me get to her, sir." The paramedic moved with quiet
efficiency. It took all of his strength to remove his hands from her
body. Not touching her skin didn't seem like the right option, but
the police assisted him to his feet.

"Could we ask you a few questions, sir?" Mulder must have
nodded. "Do you have any identification?" His hands seemed to work
without conscious control, and he didn't notice the bloody
fingerprints he was leaving on his id.

"Special Agent, huh? Maybe I ought to call my sergeant."

"We were on stake out, trying to locate the man over there." 
Mulder looked over to where the red headed man had fallen. He wasn't
there. "The red headed man, did you see him? He was hit too. That
shooter hit him," he pointed, "and I shot him. Then Scu. . . my
partner knocked me out of the way of this man. I shot him as well,
after he shot. . . "

"You're saying one of the wounded is missing?"

"Yes, look I'll file a complete report and make sure your
department has all the facts. Right now I have to stay with her."

"Look, I know you're upset, but just a few more questions,
please." The evidence van had arrived and their work was
progressing. He looked back over at Scully; they were beginning to
move her toward the ambulance. She now had two IVs and oxygen. 
Ignoring the policeman that was attempting to question him, he headed
toward the ambulance to climb in.

"No sir. You can follow us in your car."

"I need to be with her."

"You might be in the way, sir." Mulder looked into his eyes
and translated that to, "You don't need to watch her die."

He swallowed hard. "Where are you taking her?"

"University Medical Center. It's the best, sir. We need to
move." Mulder stepped back, hesitated for a second, then sprinted
for his car.

"Agent Mulder! We need to finish up here."

"I'll be at the hospital and I'll answer your questions, but I
am leaving now." He started the car, leaving blood on the keys and
the steering wheel. The cop who had tried half-heartedly to stop him
turned to his partner.

"Hope I don't have to eat this one."

"You won't. And I'd bet my pension he'll be at that hospital
when we do need to talk to him." The first one nodded and they
headed over to the evidence van.

He burst into the ER and immediately asked for Scully. The
nurse had obviously been warned he was on his way. "Agent Mulder? 
She was taken to surgery."

"So you can't tell me anything?" She nodded regretfully. He
stumbled to a chair in the waiting room and there he sat, staring at
his hands, no longer even seeing the blood that covered them.

He was unaware of time when she approached him again. "Agent
Mulder?"

He was on his feet, his eyes questioning. "No, Sir. We don't
have any information yet. I was wondering if you would like to clean
up a little."

Looking down he focused for the first time on his appearance. 
God, he looked like a chain saw murderer. No wonder people kept
glancing at him.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Come back here. There are scrubs in there to change into, if
you want to."

"Thanks." He washed up, even having to rinse his hair, and
changed into the surgical scrubs. When he returned to the waiting
room a man approached him.

"Agent Mulder?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Agent Dixon, Andy Dixon, of the Des Moines field office." 
He held out his hand. Mulder shook it. "Assistant Director Skinner
called and asked that I come over, see if there was anything I could
do."

"Skinner? How did he know about this?"

"I. . . I don't know. I'd assumed you called him."

"No, no I didn't."

"Have you heard anything?"

"No," he glanced over at the nurse's desk; the attractive young
nurse who had taken him to clean up was watching them. She shook her
head regretfully.

"No news yet, Agent Mulder."

"AD Skinner said he would handle calling her family."

"Her family, shit."

"Listen, would you like something to eat? Some coffee?" 

"No, no thanks. Look, I appreciate you coming, but if you have
somewhere you need to be. . . "

"No, I'm in no hurry. I'll stay here with you for a while, in
case you think of anything you need." Mulder nodded and sat back on
the couch to wait, for thousands more seconds.

At first Agent Dixon attempted to make conversation, but
eventually gave up and just sat.

After a couple of hours, Agent Dixon stood and stretched. 
"Mulder, I need to run a few errands. I'll be back in a while."

"There's no need. I can call you if I need anything."

"At least let me get you a room."

"I won't be leaving."

"There are several places right around here. Besides, you
can't sleep on that couch."

Mulder looked at him a second and almost smiled. "The couch is
no problem."

"Okay. But I will be back to check in. I'll keep the police
out of your hair till morning anyway."

"I appreciate that." He took Andy's card with the cell phone
number scribbled on the back.

He was dozing when the doctor finally came out, but snapped to
attention immediately. "Is she. . . ?"

"She's extremely critical. We've taken her to the ICU and
she's being monitored very carefully. We had to remove her spleen to
stop the bleeding and we got the bullet. She lost a lot of blood,
we've given her seven units and are keeping a close eye on her."

"Can I see her?"

"For a couple of minutes. Take that elevator, 4th floor."

"Thank you. Her mother is probably on the way here, how can I
reach you?"

"The nurse can get in touch with me at any time."

He settled in beside her bed. "You can only stay 10 minutes,
Sir."

He looked the nurse in the eye. "Listen carefully. I am not
going anywhere. I will not get in your way, but I will not leave." 
She actually took a step backward under the look in his eyes. She
was already dismissed from his mind as he drew the chair closer to
the bed and tried to get comfortable. He took her hand in his and
settled in to wait.

He wasn't sure how much later it was. The lights had been
dimmed but the monitors looked the same. Standing over Scully was
the red headed man he'd seen shot that afternoon.

"How is she?"

"Critical, you?"

"It wasn't me that was shot, but he'll be okay."

"What can you do for her?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that. She's your mother!" Mulder hissed at him.

The young man looked around to make sure no one was within
hearing distance. "It's precisely because she is my mother that I
can't help her. Because of her I'm half human. . . I can't do
anything for you."

"You must know someone who can."

"I don't. . . maybe William."

"Who the hell is William?"

Kurt looked up from Scully, startled. "He's. . . he's my
little brother."

It was Mulder's turn to be startled. "William. I. . . I
didn't. . . should I get him here?"

"No, whatever he can do, he can do from there. Agent Mulder,
don't look for us. We will get in touch with you when she's strong
enough to talk to us. Don't lead them to us again."

"She deserves an explanation for what you did to her, and why
the hell you did it."

"It was a gift, Agent Mulder. We knew how much she wanted a
child, we all know that."

"No. I didn't." There was a silence. "A gift."

"Were we wrong to use you as the father?"

"No!" He looked around to see if he had drawn any attention. 
"I mean. . . why didn't you tell us what we needed to know? And why
the hell did you abduct us to do it!"

"We were unaware of certain things ourselves."

"Like what? You mean we were a damn experiment?"

The young man looked away for a moment. "I suppose you could
see it that way, but it didn't start out as such. Hell, we had
observed you for years, it never occurred to any of us that the two
of you were not intimate! Your relationship led us to believe that
neither of you would remember an abduction, and she would just
believe it was a slip-up. You would know more about the situation
but we felt you would just decide we had been mistaken in what we
told you earlier. As for the crystal, no we didn't know about that."

"Why did you assume. . . "

"How could we not?" He hissed, "The way you two react to and
around each other. We've observed married couples, hell
honeymooners, who seem less intimate than the two of you."

This was getting into areas Mulder didn't have the ability to
deal with right now. 'William."

"After you and both of your fathers."

"Yeah, She'd like that."

"I can guarantee he is doing everything in his power. He has
saved her before. If it can be done. . . I need to leave. Please,
let us contact you."

Mulder nodded and sank back into his chair, having never let go
of her hand. The young man left as silently as he had appeared.

Mulder dozed, his head resting beside her arm on the bed. It
was dawn when the slight movement of her hand woke him. Her eyes
were open and they smiled at him before she drifted back off to
sleep. He kissed each of her fingers before putting his head down
again for a much more comfortable rest.

~*~*~

She lay there watching him sleep. This was one of the things she missed
the most. When the pregnancy had been so far advanced sleep had abandoned
her and she had spent long hours beside him watching him when he didn't
know it. After all those years traveling together she knew he slept better
when she was beside him. She couldn't do that now; he'd never find the
right woman if she allowed him to get close to her again.

His sleep wasn't restful and she wondered if he'd fall out of the chair.
Even as she thought it he jerked awake, "Scully!" His eyes frantically
raked the bed to ensure she was still there. She watched the tension
lessen in his body when he met her eyes.

He was on his feet beside her. "How do you feel, Scully?"

"I'm okay." He almost flinched at that, then squared his shoulders and
took her hand. She didn't have the strength to resist.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I'm not sure. Aren't we in Des Moines?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "We were tracking the Kurt's and we found them.
Unfortunately we were followed."

"Someone shot him."

"And then they tried to shoot me, but you got in the way."

She gave him a wan smile then. "Just doin' my job." She watched his jaw
clench and his hands become fists, but he didn't speak. "What happened to
the shooters?"

"They're both dead. I wasn't in the mood to be gentle." His voice was
tight; reliving those frantic moments when he realized she'd kept him from
being shot and his world nearly ended. "The doctors think you're going to
be fine. You made, according to them, 'remarkable progress' overnight.
They talked to your mother; told her she didn't need to come after all.
You need to call her, reassure her yourself." His hand was almost steady
as he caressed her cheek. Then she drew away from him and he let his arm
drop back to his side.

He looked away for a minute, then cleared his throat. "We had company last
night."

"In Des Moines? Who?"

"Kurt."

Now he had her attention. "Is he okay?"

"I didn't see the one that was shot, but I was told he's fine. He asked
that we stop tracking them. Let them come to us when it's safe."

"Did he talk to you? Did he tell you why . . ."

"He claimed they didn't know any of that would happen. They didn't know
about the crystal or his abilities."

"Have you talked to Walter? Is the baby . . . is William okay?"

"I haven't spoken with him, but he knows what happened. Kurt said William
could save your life 'again'. His word. Looks like he did." They both
fell silent for a moment. Then she took a deep breath.

"Why?" The question startled him, why? He opened his mouth to respond.

"Well! You're awake!" They both jumped at the new voice. Neither had
heard the doctor approach. "I've got to tell you Ms. Scully, you've
exceeded all my expectations. Wish I thought I could take credit for such
a rapid recovery. I need to do an exam." He turned to Mulder, "You might
be able to threaten and intimidate the nurses, but not me. You go take a
walk or get something to eat, but you are going to leave her side while I'm
here."

Mulder's color rose and he dropped his eyes.

"I know how scared you were last night, but look at her now. I would say
she is out of immediate danger. At least go have a cup of coffee."

Mulder nodded, embarrassed that Scully had heard. He leaned over to kiss
her goodbye, but she turned her head, letting him kiss her cheek instead.
She saw the look of despair in his eyes. It had to be this way, why
couldn't he see it?

After a thorough exam and a little more pain medication added to her drip,
the doctor answered her questions and started to leave.

"Mulder didn't mean to cause any trouble."

The doctor stopped and turned back to her. "I know that, and the nurses
knew how frantic he was about you. I just had to let him know he needed to
ease up. If he weren't such a 'hunk', the nurses' term - not mine, he'd
have been out of here a long time ago. I'm not sure you realize how
serious your condition was. He thought you were dying and he was out of
his mind with fear."

"I know." She said softly. The doctor watched her for a moment, then left
the room. Mulder was waiting outside.

"Let her get some rest, Mr. Mulder. I increased her pain medication, so
she should be drifting off shortly."

"She is going to be okay?"

"Yes. I just wish I could bottle some of that strength she's got."

Mulder said nothing, just took a deep breath and opened her door. She
couldn't quite hide the fact she was glad he was back, though she did try.
He tucked that away to sustain him later.

"You don't have to stay here Mulder. Why don't you go to the room and rest
or something?"

"We never got a room, remember? I'll stay here until you go to sleep, then
I have to report to the police and give them my statement on last night."
He sank back into his chair at her side.

"I need to hear what Kurt told you, but the doctor gave me something. I'm
not sure I can stay awake."

"It'll keep Scully, go on to sleep. I won't leave until you're asleep."

She nodded already drowsy. He took her hand and she didn't resist. When
he was sure she was asleep, he leaned in and kissed her, lifting a stray
lock of hair from her brow and just drinking in the sight of her alive and
breathing. He sighed then and stood to leave.

He was almost to the door when he heard her whisper his name. He turned
back, had she been awake? Was she upset that he'd kissed her?

"Mulder . . . love you . . ." and she was out again.

He wanted to shake her awake and make her repeat those words. He needed to
hear her say those words. Especially awake and alert, not groggy and less
than in control. But she'd said it; that's what was important. He needed
to get this meeting with the police concluded and get back here to her.

*****

He returned anxious to check on her. He had been afraid to be away from
her, not when she'd been as close to dying as she had been when they
brought her in. He bypassed the nurses and managed to slip into her room.
There he came to a dead halt - the bed was empty, even the sheets had been
pulled - just like Melissa's bed when he'd finally caught up with her that
night. Just like - no!

He was already moving toward the desk. "Agent Scully? Where is she?" He
was trying to keep his voice down but inside he was shouting.

The nurse looked up startled. "I'll get Dr. Tangiers."

"Where is she!" Now his voice did rise. Why were they sending for a
doctor? He needed information. Surely the nurse knew if she'd . . . if
she'd . . . his mind stumbled to a halt. He should never have left her.
He stood there immobile with fear, unaware of the passage of time.

"Agent Mulder?" The hand on his shoulder brought him back to the present.

"Where - " He was having trouble focusing.

"She's gone Agent Mulder."

"Scully's dead?" His hand had found the doctor's arm and his grip tightened.

"No! No, I'm sorry. Agent Mulder, please calm down. She signed herself
out against medical advice." Now the doctor was supporting Mulder, not
entirely sure he was hearing the information rationally.

"She's not well enough . . . "

"I agree. But she was adamant. She's a very strong-willed woman."

Mulder nodded, no argument there. He turned to leave.

"Do you know where she's going?" The doctor stopped him.

"No. But I'll find her." The doctor didn't doubt him for a second and
watched him leave the floor.

*****

She had made no attempt to hide her identity at the airport. She wasn't
hiding from him, just getting away. It didn't help to know that. He took
the next flight to DC, he was a little over an hour behind her, but there
was nothing he could do to close that gap. He'd been on overseas flights
that seemed to last less time.

She'd landed on time. His flight had a slight delay. He felt as though he
was foaming at the mouth by the time he'd gotten to his car. He lost no
time heading for her apartment. What would happen there? He could no
longer just let himself in. One of her first acts in trying to distance
herself from him had been to change the locks. It was psychological, they
both knew he could get in if he wanted - the fact that she didn't want him
to was the issue.

She was there. The lights were on. Now, should he force a confrontation
or . . .


She wasn't doing well at all. She had pushed herself too hard; her stamina
was completely gone. The doctor part of her acknowledged that. Her body
hadn't recovered from the trauma surrounding William's birth; being shot on
top of that . . . William probably was the only thing keeping her alive.

He should stop. If he was working under the assumption she wanted to stay
alive, he was mistaken. It was all gone - her ability to have children, to
be a woman, a wife to Mulder. And he'd known. Mulder had known all along
and kept it from her. To protect her. She didn't want to be protected;
she wanted . . . she wanted to die.

Somewhere deep inside of her, her rational mind was telling her it was just
the physical weakness, the pain - both physical and emotional - that was
making her feel this way. But that was too deep and the emotions were too
raw, too in her face. Post-partum depression had her by the throat,
compounded by the real life she was facing. Running away would take too
much effort. Suicide would be easier. And then Mulder would have to go on
with his life. He was with her out of pity anyway and her death would
release him. Oh, he'd probably mourn a little, but with her really gone he
would find a woman who could give him all of the things she never could.

He didn't need her, being with her would cost him too much - it would cost
him his immortality. And William didn't need her either. Walter and
Sharon were his parents now. She hadn't seen him since she'd left Walter's
apartment - oh, she'd dreamed about him over the past few weeks, she'd been
aware of him on some level in Des Moines as always. She'd tried then to
stop him from interfering. 

Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone? Her body wanted to die, she
wanted to die. If he were honest she was sure that Mulder wanted that too,
as a relief from this impossible situation. Too bad she didn't have the
strength to get up and find something to take . . .

*****

{Father!} What the . . .! He jerked upright. He was in his car. He
shook his head to clear it. Where . . .? Scully's apartment. Yeah, she
had run away from him in Des Moines and come home. He'd seriously
considered sleeping outside of her door, but didn't want to be arrested for
vagrancy.

{Father!} This time he grabbed his head in pain. What the hell was -
William?

{Bring her to me. She's dying} Dying? No! He was out of the car and
sprinting across the street. He knew she should never have left the
hospital, was she bleeding? Had she reopened her wounds? He didn't have
time to mess with supers and keys; he had to get inside. Without conscious
thought to reached for the doorknob and nearly fell into the apartment when
it opened at his touch. Unlocked? Scully? That wasn't like her and in
this city it certainly wasn't safe.

{She wants to die} 

Wants to? He was at her bedroom door now, {Why? Why does she want to die?}

{To free you, so that you will go on with your life}

{She is my life!}

{Her thoughts are dark, so very dark, and jumbled. They make no sense and
she has always been the more logical of the two. This is very . . .
disturbing. Even when she was contemplating terminating my life she was
not like this. If she refuses to live, I do not know if I can force her}

Mulder was examining her now. Her wounds had not reopened; at least she
wasn't bleeding to death. {I'm bringing her over now, whatever it takes
we're going to do it. I'm not going to let her die} He wrapped her in the
sheet and took her up into his arms.

The super stuck a groggy head out into the hall as Mulder headed for the
door to the building. "Hey! What the hell . . . oh, it's you."

"Agent Scully has taken ill. Can you lock up her apartment?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. Is she gonna be okay?" He was awake now and had stepped
out into the hall.

"I don't know." And he was out the door.

He made excellent time to Skinner's apartment. The pre-dawn traffic was
practically non-existent. The deja vu feeling of carrying her into this
building, this elevator was washing over him. He'd come so close to losing
her then and now here he was facing the same horror all over again. Except
this time, she wanted it this way. How could she not know how he felt?

Skinner was at the door, waiting for him when he exited the elevator with
her in his arms. "In here." He led the way to the bedroom.

Mulder carefully laid her on the bed and pulled the sheet up over her. He
didn't look up at Skinner when he spoke; his eyes still locked on her.
"How much more can her body take? She's not . . . "

"I knew she'd come back to work too soon, but how do you tell Scully that."
 Skinner was watching her too. Mulder nodded, he'd had the same argument
with her.

{Her body is not the problem. I can keep that alive. It is her spirit
that is dying}

"Well how the hell am I supposed to help there!" Mulder yelled into the
room, causing Skinner to look up startled and move toward him.

"What?"

"William. He . . . nevermind." 

They both looked toward the door as Sharon entered, carrying the infant.
Mulder's entire body stiffened. He hadn't seen the child since he had left
this apartment to go to Scully when William was only a day old. He was now
a few weeks old, but seemed older somehow, his movements were not the
random movements of a newborn, rather more coordinated, controlled. And
his eyes had no vacant look, watching and absorbing every bit of data
around him.

His son. His and Scully's. Plus whatever had made his conception
possible. He was more than human.

{Actually all genetic testing would prove that I am completely human}

Mulder chose to ignore that, he couldn't deal with anything else right now.
 {How do we help her?}

Sharon approached him then and placed William in his arms. They
automatically closed around him and Mulder found himself yearning for . . .
for something he couldn't have.

{I believe that I can lead you through her thoughts, down into her psyche
so that you can see what is troubling her so deeply. I can see those
thoughts but I have no reference to reality in most of her experiences. I
need you for that}

Mulder stared down at his son. No reference to reality in her experiences?
 Did he? And did he have the right to invade her privacy so thoroughly?
He gave that thought about two seconds consideration. To save her life,
hell yes. {What do I do?}

Sharon was back in the room with a seat for the baby. She helped Mulder
settle him into it and lightly brushed the baby's head as he looked at her.
 Mulder wasn't privy to their conversation but she and Walter left the room
together without another word.

Mulder wanted to be amused at the sight of his son in this bouncy little
seat with the bright fabric, looking like a newborn. Later, if his life
included a later, he wanted to remember this sight.

{You should be in physical contact with her} Not a problem, he glanced
over one more time to ensure the baby seat was secure then pulled her into
his arms as he reclined beside her.

{Let me lead you, time will have no meaning. You may feel as though you
have been gone for days, do not worry. You will see her memories; we will
begin at the earliest ones and move forward. It is my hope that what you
observe will allow me to bring her out of this desire to end her life. Relax}

Relax? Knowing that the woman in his arms wanted to die, wanted him to go
on living without her? He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

There was no sensation of movement, but suddenly he was in a yard, it was
sunny and the grass seemed to be covered in children. She was chasing a
larger boy, who was easily staying out of her way and laughing as an older
redheaded girl urged her on. A dark haired woman came to the door, she was
hugely pregnant. "Dana, Missy, come on inside. Mrs. Schrum is going to
keep you while Dad takes me to the hospital. You behave for her, okay?"

The girl she had referred to as Missy leaned over and whispered to Dana,
"She's going to have the baby today. You won't be the baby of the family
any more."

Dana turned to watch her mother being helped into the car by her father.
Mulder felt a tremor of fear pass through her. Mrs. Scully? That was
Margaret Scully, going to the hospital to have Charlie. He wanted to
reassure Dana that everything would be okay, but these were memories, he
couldn't influence them. So this was her earliest clear memory. 

He became aware of a lot of little snippets of memories, a montage of faces
and locations from the different bases on which she had lived. These
weren't especially happy memories; she had spent so much time leaving
places she hadn't had close friends. Melissa was the only constant friend.
 Mentally Mulder flinched; her relationship with him had cost her that.

High school was a little clearer, though not really more stable. Boys
entered the picture and he watched her receive her first kiss with
incredible regret that it wasn't him. She was cute in high school,
pixie-ish but as he watched her mature into college and then medical school
where her beauty also grew into maturity.

Her relationships became more mature as well. She didn't know him, hell,
he wasn't even in the country when these things had happened. He didn't
know this Dr. Daniel Waterson, but the relationship wasn't happy. He was a
sleaze, using her that way. She had never talked about this relationship,
but then he'd never mentioned Phoebe to her prior to the woman showing up
uninvited. 

He had never been aware of the sexual harassment she had endured during
medical school. She'd never mentioned it. It had been subtle, but
ongoing. It wasn't the kind of thing he had ever dwelled on. He'd known
she was smart, but these classes, these grades . . . His pride in her grew.

The decision to leave medicine, move to the FBI had been such a difficult
decision. The breakup with this Dr. Waterson had influenced her and on
some level he was grateful to the SOB. It had begun the machinery that
brought her to him.

The FBI had brightened her considerably. The work at Quantico had
challenged her, at least at first. Her relationship with Jack had left her
with ambivalent feelings. She'd been looking for someone to be in her life
and again an instructor had taken advantage. Authoritative men attracted
her, he hadn't realized that. Too bad he didn't come across more that way.

Then the brightest memory yet - he watched her let herself into Blevin's
office and be asked if she knew him. "Spooky" huh? She'd already know his
reputation, but she hadn't let it scare her off. She was so innocent.
He'd never known that Cancer Man was present for that meeting. She'd never
mentioned it, but she hadn't known the man then. She hadn't had an inkling
of what was ahead.

Now the memories overlapped as he watched her looking at him. Damn he was
so cocky. He was such a shit. Why had she put up with him?
 
All of these memories were brighter, clearer and he was in all of them.
Even the bad things were . . . were lit by his presence. Her fear that
night on their first case had truly dissipated when she'd run to him. Why?
 Why would his presence cause her to feel safer, especially then. She
hadn't known him at all.

He felt the fear again; knowing Tooms was in her apartment. Her fear was
there too, but somehow she knew he was coming for her, that he would be
there to rescue her. How? How could she feel that way about him? He
hadn't realized it. Maybe she hadn't either, consciously.

When the Bureau had separated them her memories turned darker again, except
for the times they had gone around the rules and worked together. He was
humbled by the effect he'd had. He'd taken her too much for granted; she
had realized their connection long before he had. Well, long before he had
admitted it anyway.

Then the blank - no memory at all. She wasn't hiding from these memories,
they didn't exist. She had thought he would find her, get to her before .
. . before Duane Barry could . . . His guilt nearly overwhelmed him. 

{Father, you need to concentrate}

He shook his head. William was right, now wasn't the time.

The cancer, the cancer had hit her harder than he had ever realized. It
wasn't something he could fix. He hadn't known that leaving him behind had
frightened her more than death. That leaving him was her main regret.

She hadn't been honest about her condition. He hadn't be aware of how sick
she truly was, how weak. The nosebleeds she had kept from him, the
headaches - to protect him? And he had allowed it because he thought he
was protecting her.

The tenseness between he and Bill had hurt her. She loved her big brother
and knowing how he felt about the man she loved - loved! - had added to her
stress. He hated that the controversy with the chip had caused such a rift
between she and Bill, but not enough to let her die. Never that much.

Her recovery was the beginning of the true brightness, a whole new
brightness that was a new closeness with each other. There were more and
more bright memories. Nothing all that special had happened really, just a
growing warmth between them. A relationship like none he'd known, hell,
like none he'd imagined existed. They had fallen in love with each other.
They hadn't acted on it, but it had been there, waiting for them to
acknowledge it.

Then William. She'd been so scared of his reaction, but she'd also been
fascinated that he had known just by looking at her. He hadn't thought
about it too much - the fact that he could see her pregnancy before she was
aware. Of course, he had been the one battling the morning sickness for
her, and the doctor had planted the idea of a pregnancy.

A new brightness, one that overshone the brightness that had become normal,
was there now. What? What memory was this? "It is my baby, Scully. I
know it." "How? How could you possibly know such a thing?" "I don't have
a clue, but I've never been more certain about anything in my life."

Her brightest memory? Realizing that the child she carried was his.
Before they knew everything else. These were her happiest memories,
carrying their child, sharing his consciousness, truly being one with him.
The birth itself . . . her memories were different from his. She really
hadn't been as scared as he was. She didn't remember the pain the way he
did either. Well that was probably a good thing.

The illness after the birth was a blur, not a memory at all; then his
admission. "Where did you hear I was barren?" "Why does it matter? It's
not even true." "Mulder, please!" "Damn it, it was the clones, the hybrid
clones. They . . . they said the same procedure that gave you the cancer
also caused you to be barren." "When . . . when did you hear this!" "The
night . . . damn it, Scully, the night Penny died."

The blackness started to grow then. The brightness fading with each day.
Losing William, even knowing that it was the safest thing, found her
slipping down an incredible slope. His admission caused the slope to
steepen and her descent to escalate beyond belief.

Now he didn't know where she'd gotten the strength to even go with him with
Des Moines. Again he'd taken her for granted. He had wanted her beside
him during their search for Kurt, so she had come. She had kept the fact
that she didn't care anymore from him.

This is what he had to fix. Okay, maybe he couldn't fix it, but he had to
make her see that this was only a set back. She needed to review the
memories as he had. Yes she was devastated. He could see the depth of
that now and he would be there for her, but she had to come back to him.
She had to live, had to want to live, to give him the opportunity to help her.

{William}

{Let her sleep now Father. She has reviewed the memories with you. She
needs to rest. Come back to now}

Mulder opened his eyes. He was lying on the bed in Skinner's apartment;
Scully carefully cradled in his arms.

"How long?"

{In real time, nine minutes}

"Nine?" Part of him wanted to laugh. Nine minutes, always nine minutes.
He had relived years.

{You should rest now too}

"You're the infant."

{Not exactly, Father. Rest, you have helped her}

His eyes closed again. He had a suspicion that he was helped with this
easy relaxation, but he wasn't going to complain. He was exhausted and he
needed to be alert for her.

He woke a few hours later to find her in his arms watching him sleep. "I'm
never getting rid of you, am I?" He shook his head, not sure what to say.
She relaxed against him. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure. William . . . "

She nodded, "I hadn't thought of some of those things in years." She
sighed and settled herself more comfortably against him.

"Are you angry? That we . . . that I . . . "

"No. I went a little crazy Mulder. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You've been through so much. I just want you to understand
what you are to me, and to stop worrying about things that don't need to be
worried about."

She blushed slightly, "I honestly thought you were with me out of pity."

His arms tightened, "More people would pity you for being with me. Scully,
please, please know how much I love you, how much I need you."

She brushed her lips across his. "I do. I do know now. What we shared .
. . what William let us share . . . I know how you feel and you know how I
feel. And the Kurts are working on their process. This time we can assist
them, so maybe, someday . . . "

The relief and then joy caused the smile on his face to grow. This was his
Scully, and now she really was his. Forever.


The End