Title: Feathered By The Moonlight

Author: Brie

Feedback: Of course! ShipperMSR@yahoo.com 

Personal Site: (or semi-personal) www.zilmamebrika.org

Summary: "I've lived so much of my life in darkness. So much pain 
and regret. Then you came along and I saw the light."

Rating: PG, very little language

Disclaimer: I cannot match the brilliance that is Chris Carter... 
I simply steal them whenever I can;-) The title comes from a 
Counting Crows song called "A Murder Of One" and the song in the 
story was written by Ryan Adams, but the version that I envision 
in the story is a recording by The Corrs and Bono. The song is 
called "When The Stars Go Blue".

Spoilers: Pretty much anything anywhere is up for grabs! Directly 
there's Requiem, Milagro, and The Truth

Time line: Takes place in the future, circa 2004. For my purposes, 
Scully gestates like a normal human being and William was born in 
February 2001. And while yes, I do know that the song I used was 
not recorded by the time of "The Truth", but you know what, if 
Chris can mess up a timeline, then by golly, so can I!

Author's Notes: Maeve, I owe it all to you! Without you, those 
many many scenarios would just be running rampant in my brain, 
having a grand old time! Thank you for always being there so I 
could throw ideas off of you. You're the greatest. And Liz... who 
else would let me bounce ideas off of them while waiting in line 
for the Roller Soaker that we never got to ride! Katie, thanks for 
the Beta! That was quick! You're great! And Mel, for being you:-)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mommy!"

I groaned as not a mere half-hour after he'd been settled into 
bed, my son woke for another round of story telling and 
procrastinating. It was late, and I was all storied out. 

"Mommy! Daddy!"

I sighed and turned my head. Of course Mulder was asleep. An 
insomniac for nearly his entire adult life, but somehow once Will 
required someone to stay up with him late into the night, Mulder 
learned how to sleep. 

Not a chance, not this time.

I leaned up and brushed a kiss against the back of Mulder's neck. 
When he didn't stir I tried again with a little more pressure. 
This time it worked and he groaned at me questioningly.

"Mulder, your son needs you."

Mulder dropped his head down to the pillow. "Why does he become my 
son at this time of night?"

Ever punctual, Will became antsy and chose that moment to yell out 
again. "Daddy!"

I grinned to myself in the dark as Mulder rolled out of bed in 
defeat. 

Lying back down I realized how much sleep I really did get now. 
Will didn't generally stay up too late and I was usually up before 
he was. But that was about to change again. I rested my hand on my 
ever-growing stomach and I fell to sleep. No more than a few more 
days to go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hi Baby," I said as I kissed my son in his father's arms. 

Mulder put him down and bent in to kiss me good morning. He placed 
his hand on my stomach before asking me how I was feeling. 

"Like I'm about to burst," I said truthfully. My due date was only 
a few days away, but I was more then ready to go.

Mulder smiled as he led me into the living room after Will and we 
sat down. Will had eagerly gone back to playing with his legos. At 
three he already had a knack for building and he loved it. And my 
mother, the ever-eager grandma, was never shy about buying him all 
the little building blocks she could find. 

I smiled as I stood up, excusing myself to go to the bathroom. But 
midway through my awkward stand-up dance I stopped. I stood still, 
one hand on my stomach, the other on the chair. 

Mulder was instantly beside me. "Scully, what is it, are you 
okay?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "I, uh, I think I'm having a 
contraction." Slowly I sat back down. 

Mulder stood over me, scared and looking lost like a deer in the 
headlights. What to do... "We need to go, I've got to get you to 
the hospital. I need to call your mother so she can come over to 
get Will." Mulder was speaking a mile a minute now.

As the contraction ended only after a few more seconds I shook my 
head. "Mulder, it's okay." I put my hand on his arm. "This can 
take a very long time. We're fine, take your time. I'll go call my 
mother." 

I stood up and walked off to the phone. But before I could even 
get to the kitchen, I'd stopped as my water broke. Slowly I turned 
to an even more frightened Mulder. I bit my lip for a minute 
before saying, "How about we have my mother meet us there."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Only ten minutes later we were strapped into the car. Will in his 
"big boy" car seat, the new baby seat beside him, and my bags in 
the back. I was breathing slowly when Will asked again where we 
were going. We'd explained it to him ad nauseum, but I doubt that 
he ever really got the concept that we could just come home with 
the baby.

I turned around to face the innocence that is a three-year-old 
boy. "Will, you remember when we talked about the baby in mommy's 
tummy, right?" Will nodded and I continued. "Well the baby's 
getting cramped in there and wants to come out so it can meet you 
and come home with us."

At that Will had what I can only describe as an epiphany. His eyes 
lit up as he said, "The baby's coming!"



"The baby's coming!"

I smiled down at my young cousin. "Yes, it is."

Aunt Abby was having her second child and it was Melissa's and my 
job to watch Erin, our five-year-old cousin. Sitting in the 
maternity waiting room of the local hospital, Erin was just a 
bundle of energy. She was so excited about being a big sister.

Melissa smiled down at her. "What do you think about kids, Dane?"

"What do you mean?"

Missy shrugged. "You know, kids. Like having your own kids."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and drew my knees beneath me. I 
was only seventeen years old, getting ready to go to college; I 
had no idea what I thought about having kids. But Melissa was old, 
four years older, and much more mature than I was. She'd been 
ready to grow up since she was thirteen. "I don't know, I've never 
thought about it."

"I want kids," she said simply. "Two boys and a girl. The girl 
will be oldest and the boys only a year apart."

I widened my eyes, even though Missy wasn't looking at me. She was 
still smiling down at Erin. I didn't know what I wanted, not the 
way Missy did. I started college the next fall and even though Dad 
wanted me to be a doctor, I still wasn't sure. How could she know 
so precisely what she wanted? I envied my sister. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mulder sat me down in the wheelchair he'd been offered as we 
walked in. Rolling me to the admissions desk ahead, Will walked up 
beside me, as my mother had yet to meet us there to watch him. He 
looked frightened by his surroundings and more so of the chair I 
sat in. 

As I stopped rolling I reached out to him. "What is it, Baby?"

His eyes welling up with tears he pointed to the chair. "Mommy, 
sick people sit in the rolly chairs. Are you sick?"

My heart broke for him and I reached out and pulled him onto my 
lap. Holding him close I kissed his forehead. "No, Will, I'm fine. 
I'm sitting in the chair because of the baby in my tummy. The 
baby's going to come out of my tummy and the doctor has to help 
it. You understand?"

He looked up at me, still a little frightened and nodded. I held 
him close. Mulder was still talking to an admissions person and 
trying to stay calm all at the same time. Only a few minutes later 
he was done and turned back to me with a smile that can only be 
described as pure joy. The feeling was mutual.

"Mommy?" Will asked from my lap.

I looked down to him.

"What's its name? What's the baby's name?"

~

"What's the baby's name?"

I could hardly hear the question over the pounding of my heart. To 
say I was nervous to see my brother was an understatement. I was 
terrified. Add to that the fact that I'd given birth only three 
days earlier to a child whose father was unknown to my brother.

I took a final deep breath before answering. "William," I said 
softly, even though the mere action of saying his name filled me 
with joy. 

Bill was obviously pleased. He took a step nearer to me. "After 
Dad."

Quickly I thought of taking the easy way out. He was, in all 
actuality, partially right. But no, I couldn't hide from my 
brother forever. Mulder had understood my reasons for needing to 
see my brother alone, but he couldn't avoid my brother forever. I 
shook my head, "After both his grandfathers."

Bill looked up at me questioningly, obviously startled to get any 
sort of confirmation on a subject that I'd been so vague on. 

"Mulder's father's name was William as well." I'd said it so 
softly that I wondered if Bill had heard. But when he took a deep 
breath and looked to the ground, I knew my secret was out. 

I felt as though I'd stopped breathing, the moments going by so 
slowly and Bill still looking angrily at the floor. 

He looked back up and where I expected to see anger I saw none. He 
only raised his arms. "Can I hold him?"

I nodded and placed my son in his arms. Will looked up at his 
Uncle before going back to sleep. Bill smiled. "He gorgeous, 
Dana."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mulder wheeled me along, following a hospital worker as she led us 
to the room. Up one floor and left through a hallway we reached 
it. 

Through the halls I could hear the groans and yells of women 
already far into their labor. I looked at my son and was reminded 
of my first bout with childbirth and all the "joys" that came 
along with it. I pulled Will close. It was all worth it. 

Inside the room, the hospital worker handed me a gown to change 
into. "You can just get comfortable as best you can. A nurse will 
be in in just a few minutes to get you situated." She smiled. 
"Good luck."

With Mulder's help I stood and made my way to the restroom to 
change. When I came back, Mulder had to help me again into the 
bed. He smiled at me. I smiled back, "Here we are."



"Here we are." Skinner's voice was barely above a whisper as he 
led me to the forest. 

I walked in further and he followed. I stopped and turned to him, 
placing a hand on his arm. "Please just stay here. I need to do 
this alone."

He looked as though he was going to protest, but my gaze pleaded 
with him and he looked down in defeat and nodded. "I'll stay right 
here."

I nodded my thanks and slowly treaded into the forest. I knew this 
area. My trips here were imprinted in my brain and haunted my 
dreams.  I followed the path I knew we'd walked. 

I stopped.

I'd fallen there. I don't remember how. All I know is that I came 
to in Mulder's arms. He held me, propping my back on his knee and 
pulling me close to him, sheltering me from whatever was out 
there. 

I took a deep breath. I couldn't think about that. Not now. 

Only a few feet ahead there was a clearing. It was the same 
clearing in which we had found Teresa Nemman, now Hoese, eight 
years earlier. 

They took him here. They took him away from me in this spot.

I wasn't quite sure how I knew that to be a fact. I just did. 

At that moment the clouds shifted and the sun shone through on the 
ground. On the ground I saw something shimmering. Bending down, I 
moved the dirt away from it. When I saw it the air left from my 
lungs.

My cross.

I'd given it to Mulder just before he left. I told him some way it 
always came back to me. He put it on, kissed me and told me that 
he loved me and he'd bring it back.

It came back.

Clutching my stomach and covering my mouth, I wept. I looked up at 
the sky and prayed to the God I'd known and trusted all my life. 
"Please, bring him back to me."

I closed my eyes and then looked back up. "Mulder, come home to 
me."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My mother smiled as she walked into the room. She knocked softly 
on the door before entering.

Will looked up at the noise. "Gramma!" He ran to her. Mom bent 
down and picked him up. "Gramma," Will started, "there's a baby in 
Mommy's tummy! And guess what!"

My mother laughed along with Mulder and I as she hugged her 
grandson. "What Will?"

Will continued on excitedly. "The baby's coming out soon!"

Mom smiled. "I know, sweetheart. You're going to be a big 
brother."

Will smiled proudly and squirmed out of his grandmother's arms and 
over to Mulder. Mom walked over to me. I absently rubbed my finger 
where my wedding band used to be. In the past few days my fingers 
had finally gotten so swollen that in fear of the ring having to 
be cut off, I took it off. 

Mom noticed the motion. "Where's your ring?"

~

"Where's your ring?"

I looked up questioningly at the man before me. Agent Doggett and 
I had just finished asking him a few questions at the man's farm 
home. The man, a Mr. Nilmot, was in his late fifties, rude and 
obviously opposed to women being in positions of authority. The 
fact that I was 6 months pregnant didn't seem to help matters.

"Excuse me?"

Mr. Nilmot nodded towards me. "You heard me. Your wedding ring, 
where is it? Or aren't you married?"

I was rendered speechless, unable to foresee this coming. 

That didn't stop Mr. Nilmot. "Not married, huh? Maybe you should 
spend less time in my business and more time learning to keep your 
legs crossed."

Before he knew what was coming, Agent Doggett's fist connected 
with the man's jaw. 

"And maybe you should spend more time learning how to keep your 
mouth shut." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The room was silent. Mom had taken Will down to the lobby in 
search of better toys, as my three-year-old had become bored with 
his things and the lack of excitement (from his view, of course) 
in the room. I had since been given an epidural and was attempting 
to get some rest. 

From the corner of my eye I could see Mulder shifting on the 
couch. He was reading a book he had bought nearly the moment he 
found out I was pregnant. Called, endearingly, "One Down, One On 
The Way", it was a hand guide to the second birth. Being the ever 
eager father, Mulder had read it cover to cover multiple times. 
Not that it made a difference. With his photographic memory, he 
only needed to look at the page to remember its information 
forever.

"Finding anything new?" I asked.

Mulder popped his head out from behind the book and smiled. I was 
constantly teasing him about his relentless reading of the book. 
Taking off his glasses he looked at me, and pulling all of his 
years of school behind him, he did his best to look as intelligent 
as possible. "Well, actually," he began.

I raised my eyebrow at him.

Mulder lowered his head and shook it in defeat. "No."

I laughed and smiled back at him. "So," I began. "How long does 
the book say this will take?"

Mulder smiled again. "Well, in my book..."

~

"In my book I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's 
obviously impossible." Philip Padgett paused and looked to me 
before nodding at Mulder. "Agent Scully is already in love."

Padgett turned and left, unaware of the situation he'd just left 
Mulder and myself in. Neither of us moved. Neither of us looked to 
each other. And for a moment, I thought that it was possible that 
Mulder hadn't even heard it. 

I was wrong.

"Scully, is..."

I turned sharply to Mulder, cutting him off mid sentence. "No," I 
said. "Just, don't."

We stared at each other for a few moments, seeing who would crack 
first. It was me.

I turned and stormed out of the Alexandria PD, walking as fast as 
my "little legs" could go to get to my car. 

About ten seconds later, Mulder snapped out of his daze and 
followed me. "Scully, wait."

I pretended not to hear him and continued walking. I climbed into 
my car and started the engine before Mulder had made it to the 
parking lot. I was pulling out as Mulder got into his car. 

A mile or so down the road, I let out a breath. What this man had 
done... Did he have any idea what he'd just done? 

And just as I thought that I was in the clear, my cell phone rang. 
I knew who it was before answering, but something compelled me to 
answer anyway.

"Scully."

"Scully, it's me," Mulder sounded breathless on the other end. It 
wasn't from chasing after me. Mulder was as frightened as I was. 

"Mulder, I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow morning." 

And with all the strength I had, I moved my finger to the END 
button.

"Wait!" I put the phone back to my ear. "Scully, please, I need to 
talk to you."

I sighed. "You're talking to me right now."

"No, Scully, I need to talk to you in person."

I shook my head. "Then Mulder, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Please, Scully," Mulder pleaded. "I need to talk to you now or 
I'll lose my nerve." 

That got my attention. 

"Just please go to my apartment. I got stopped at a traffic light, 
so I'll meet you there in just a few minutes."

I was silent, contemplating my choices.

"Scully?" came Mulder's pleading whisper.

I nodded to no one but myself. "Fine, Mulder, I'll meet you 
there." And I hung up.

Five minutes later I was pacing through Mulder's living room. He 
would be here any minute. My arms were crossed over my chest and I 
lifted a hand up in front of me to see that it was shaking before 
recrossing it. I continued my pacing until I heard the sound of a 
key in the lock. I was frozen in place, watching as the dead bolt 
moved in slow motion from right to left. With time in near stand 
still, the door seemed to take and hour to open. 

And then finally, having shut and locked the door behind him, 
Mulder stood in front of me.

There was nowhere to hide. This was it. 

Mulder locked eyes with me and we stayed that way for a moment, no 
one daring to say a word. 

Mulder finally took the plunge and spoke. "Was it true?"

I closed my eyes. I had known that would be the question, but 
somehow hearing it had made real to me what we were talking about. 

Eyes still closed, I nodded slowly.

Mulder inhaled sharply. "Does he know?"

My eyes glued themselves to the ground. I took a deep breath and 
planned my words carefully. 

"He didn't before," I said finally. I paused again, breathing 
deeply and gathering my nerve. I forced myself to look directly at 
Mulder. I ran my tongue over my lower lip before biting it 
nervously, "but you do now."

Mulder took a step towards me and reached his hand out to caress 
my face. My eyes closed as I leaned into his touch. On their own 
accord my hands went to his waist, anchoring myself to his body. 

Slowly Mulder's face moved towards mine. When his lips were mere 
centimeters from mine, he paused. 

Smiling a rare and wide smile, he whispered, "I love you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dr. Erikson stood from between my legs, having just checked my 
cervix. "You're at six centimeters, Dana. Still a ways to go but 
you're making good progress." 

I looked up at the clock and sighed. I'd been there for four hours 
so far. My first delivery wasn't terribly long as far as first 
deliveries go, but I was hoping for a quicker second. Dr. Erikson 
saw my disappointment.

"There are ways to make things go faster. Sometimes getting up and 
moving around tends to move things along. So do what you can, 
maybe walk around the floor, pace the room, even some good old 
fashioned junior high slow dancing." He smiled at the two of us 
and went off to tend to his other patients. 

I sighed again and Mulder rose from his chair. He reached his hand 
to me, while for my part, I continued to look questioningly at 
him. I stood up nonetheless. Mulder pulled me as close as he could 
to me, maneuvering around the bulge that in a few hours would be 
our second child. He brushed his lips next to my ear and 
whispered, "Dance with me."

~

"Dance with me." 

No sooner had I walked out of the motel bathroom, wearing only a 
robe and dripping the whole way, was I pulled into Mulder's arms. 
He grasped my left hand with his right and I laid my head down to 
his heart. He had turned on a small radio and a background of 
Irish strings and voices came through. 

We started to move in a slow rhythm and Mulder sand into my ear 
with the song. "Where do you go when you're lonely," he whispered. 
"Where do you go when you're blue? Where do you go when you're 
lonely I'll follow you. When the stars go blue."

I sighed and pulled him closer. He was all I had left in the 
world. I'd given up my son, I'd left behind my family, my friends, 
my job. Now all I had remained a small motel room in Roswell, New 
Mexico.

I felt a tear make it's way from the corner of my eye and leave 
behind a salty trail on my cheek. I squeezed my eyes together, 
stopping any further fall. "This is it for us, isn't it." 

I felt rather than heard Mulder take a deep breath and his heart 
speed slightly. I raised my head and watched him shake his. "No," 
he said, barely above a whisper. "It doesn't have to be for you."

Through the tears I felt coming, I laughed a sad laugh. Pulling my 
hand from his, I held his face. I kissed him gently before 
speaking. "Mulder, I would rather spend forever running with you 
than spend a day of freedom without you."

He smiled back through a tear that was threatening to fall from 
his eye. I stood higher on my toes and kissed it away as it made 
its way down his cheek. I moved over and kissed him deeply before 
he pulled back. 

"This won't be forever. We're going to find a way somehow to get 
our lives back." He kissed me again and then whispered. "And our 
son."

Tears fell freely as I placed my ear back to his heart and we 
finished our dance.

Where do you go when you're lonely?
Where do you go when you're blue?
Where do you go when you're lonely?
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three hours and one epidural later, I was comfortable but very 
ready to get on with things. Doctors and nurses had come and gone 
and while I was making progress, the last check still left me with 
a few centimeters to go. So when Dr. Erikson poked his head in the 
door I was both happy and anxious to see him.

He smiled to me. "Hi, Dana. How are you feeling?"

"Better than a few hours ago," I answered truthfully. Epidurals 
are, in my very labor-influenced opinion, one of the greatest 
medical miracles known to man, or actually, to woman. With William 
I'd had no choice but to give birth naturally. I have to admit 
that I'd choose modern medicine and Georgetown University Hospital 
over Democrat Hot Springs, GA any day. 

My doctor, unknowing of my continuing internal monologue, 
proceeded to check my cervix before standing with the results.

He smiled. "It's time, Dana."

~

"It's time, Dana," Mom said, poking her head in. She gasped as she 
saw me, her voice holding tears. "Dana, honey... you look so 
beautiful."

I stood and walked to her, the tears in my eyes matching hers. 

"What is it, honey, what's wrong?"

I smiled. "Nothing's wrong, mom. I've never been happier."

She hugged me. "I am so happy for you, sweetheart." She smiled and 
brushed my cheek. "I've never seen anyone as in love as you and 
Fox are."

I smiled again and held her closer. "I wish dad could be here." I 
took a deep breath. "And Bill."

Mom kissed my cheek, careful not to smudge any of my make-up. 
"Your father is watching you, and I know he's just as happy for 
you as I am." She sighed heavily, "As for Bill, you just need to 
give him time."

I closed my eyes and nodded. Mom hugged me one last time and left 
the room. I collected myself for a moment before retrieving my 
bouquet and leaving the room. 

I walked to the start of the sanctuary and heard the traditional 
bridal march begin to play. I think Mulder would have preferred a 
small civil ceremony, but I never heard anything of it. He knew 
how important my faith was to me and that marriage is one of the 
most sacred pacts of mine and any religion.

Before I could take two steps down the aisle, the church doors 
behind me burst open and my brother walked in breathlessly. 

"Bill what are --" I started.

"No, Dana, please. I needed to tell you that I'm sorry. I've been 
an ass. This is your day. I know that you love him and that he 
loves you. I'm just... I'm sorry. But if you'll let me, I'd like 
to give you away. For Dad." He finished more out of breath than 
he'd begun, but the sincerity was there. Tears threatened to run 
down my cheeks as I reached out and pulled my brother into my 
arms. Wordlessly he took my arm and together we walked to the 
altar.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It wasn't long before my room was transformed and ready for 
delivery. The next thing I knew I was being told to push.

"Come on, Dana, 1, 2, 3..." Dr. Erikson kept counting. 

I had an iron grip on Mulder's hand, but he never faltered. With 
his free hand he pushed the hair off my face and kissed my temple. 
"You're doing so great, Scully," he whispered into my ear. "I love 
you."

"8, 9, 10," the doctor finished. "All right, we're done for now."

~

"We're done for now," Mulder said as he stood and stretched.

It was late Friday night and we had been doing paperwork all day. 
I stood wordlessly, gathered my things and walked to the door. 
"Goodnight."

"Scully--"

"I'll see you Monday, Mulder," I said, cutting him off. And I 
left. We hadn't truly spoken since we returned from San Diego. 
Mulder gave me my space at first. He knew not to push me. I wasn't 
ready and didn't want to talk about Emily, though I most likely 
should have. But it wasn't about that anymore, and Mulder was just 
starting to realize that. 

By the time I got home I just wanted a long bath and dinner, in 
that order. I stripped off my restricting dress suit while the 
water ran. I reached back to massage my neck and rolled it around, 
hearing the satisfying pops and cracks. Moments later I slipped 
into the hot water. 

"Ah..." I so rarely got time to really relax. It was a great 
luxury that I tried to take advantage of when I could. 

After I was clean, I soaked in the water until it cooled all too 
quickly. At that point, I threw on my favorite silk pajamas and 
heated up some leftover pasta from the night before. I had eaten 
half when the doorbell rang. I got up to answer it, first peering 
through the peephole, getting a fish-eyed view of a nervous 
looking Mulder. I sighed, leaning against the door for a moment 
before opening it. I didn't need this right now, didn't feel like 
dealing with him. But I opened the door regardless.

I sighed again. "What is it, Mulder?"

Mulder wasted no time waiting to be invited in and walked right by 
me. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

Mulder jumped right into things. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

I didn't want to get into things so late at night. "Mulder, I 
haven't been avoiding you, I just--"

"Don't," he said sharply. "Don't do that. Don't try to tell me 
that nothing is wrong when you and I both know damn well that 
there is!"

I sighed and looked to the ground. "Not now. Please, we'll get 
into this, but not now."

Mulder wasn't having any part of that. "Yes now. Scully, it's been 
weeks and I'm done waiting for an opportunity to present itself." 
He sighed and held my upper arms, his voice softening. "This is 
me, Scully. Talk to me."

I continued to look at the ground and slowly shook my head.

"Come on. I know you. I know it's something." But as Mulder 
continued to talk, my anger grew. But he unknowingly kept at it. 
"You're going to have to tell me eventually, so why don't you 
just--"

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Mulder stood still, shocked. "I... I don't know what you mean."

I shoved his hands from my upper arms and took a step back. "How 
long have you known?"

Mulder stood, still confused. "Scully! I honestly have no idea 
what you mean."

I glared at him for a moment and drew a deep breath. "Did you not 
think I deserved to know that I can never have children?"

That got him. Now it was Mulder's turn to stare at the floor.

"I thought... I thought I was prote--"

"Protecting me? How on earth, Mulder?" My voice and anger 
continued to grow. "Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you 
think I would never try and have reason to find out! What!"

"No!" Mulder said firmly. "That's not what I thought."

"Then what?" I spat back.

"I just... I couldn't bring myself to tell you," he said softly. 
"And I should have."

I nodded, getting the answer that I expected. "You want to know 
the funny thing?" I took a deep breath and could feel the anger in 
my body turn to sorrow. My voice was full of tears when I spoke. 
"I never realized how much I wanted them until I knew I couldn't 
have them." 

Tears flowed from my eyes freely. Mulder closed the gap between us 
and pulled me into his arms. I let him. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into my hair time after time. He sat 
onto the couch, pulling me with him. We sat like that for what 
seemed like an eternity, but in truth was nearly ten minutes. I 
was emotionally exhausted and closed my eyes against Mulder's 
chest. 

Assuming I was asleep, Mulder softly lowered me down to the couch, 
covering me with the throw blanket. "Scully?" he asked. By the 
tone in his voice, I could tell he was testing to see if I was 
awake.

Curious as to what he would say or do, I didn't answer. 

Mulder took a deep breath before speaking, as I knew he would. 
"You think I don't know how you feel, but I do. God, believe me I 
do." I could sense his small sad laugh more than I could hear it. 
Mulder seemed hesitant, even though as far as he knew I was 
asleep. His voice dropped so that I could barely hear it. "Scully, 
you are the only woman I could ever imagine as the mother of my 
children. They did this to us both." He kissed my forehead and 
left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"All right, Dana. I need you to stop pushing, okay. Just hold on."

I nodded, breathing heavily. "Mulder," I managed between breaths. 

He leaned in closer to me, keeping his firm grasp on my hand. 
"What is it?"

"I was awake."

Mulder looked down at me, sheer confusion written upon his face. 
"What on earth are you talking about?"

"That night, after..." I paused, looking for the right wording, 
but deciding to state it plainly. "...Emily."

Mulder looked down for a second before his head jolted back up, 
finally understanding what I was referring to. "You were?" he 
asked in awe. 

I nodded. "There was never anyone else I could envision as the 
father of my children, either." 

I saw tears welling up in Mulder's eyes and knew that mine were 
matching. He leaned down and covered my lips with his. "I am so in 
love with you," he whispered. 

I closed my eyes, tears spilling out, and nodded.

"Okay, Dana," Dr. Erikson said. "One last push and you'll meet 
your baby."

I took one last deep breath, got a bone-crushing grip on Mulder's 
hand, and pushed down with all I had. 

And before I knew it, we had our baby girl. And shortly after 
that, I was exhausted and asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Night had fallen by the time I woke up. I felt groggy and my body 
ached, as my epidural had worn off. Moonlight shone into the room, 
landing on Mulder, with our baby in his arms. He was rocking her 
slightly but gazing out the window.

"What are you thinking?" I asked softly.

Mulder jumped. "Jesus," he muttered, smiling slightly. "How are 
you feeling?"

"I'm all right." I persisted, "What are you thinking?"

"About life," he said, his eyes back to the sky. 

I nodded but remained silent, knowing that he would continue.

"I've lived so much of my life in darkness. So much pain and 
regret. Then you came along and I saw the light. There was still 
hardship, though. I think the light was more of moonlight, not so 
bright, but a drastic change and just the light I needed to see 
by. The years continued and the light became brighter. By the time 
Will came along, well, I guess you could say I was feathered by 
the moonlight, it was all around. And now," he gestured towards 
the window. "Scully, there's a full moon out tonight."

Tears were rolling down my face when he ended. Was it because of 
my postpartum hormones or his eloquent metaphor, I don't know. He 
rose with our daughter and sat on the edge of my bed. 

"I think I've figured it out," he whispered.

I brushed my baby's forehead. "What's that?"

"You remember, after Will was born, I told you that we both know 
the truth?"

I smiled at the memory, urging him to continue. 

"I've been searching for this elusive truth my entire life, 
thinking that with it I'll find happiness. But look at me now. I 
married my best friend who I loved since the moment I laid eyes on 
her, I'm holding my hour old baby girl and I have my little boy 
waiting for me at home. Never in my life have I been so happy." He 
kissed his daughter. "I've found my truth."

With our daughter in his arms, he leaned over and we met in a 
kiss.

The End

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