Title: Almost Dreaming
Author: little Starbuck*
Written: June 2001
Rating: PG Category: Too many to list! I guess it's mostly MSR.
Disclaimer: They aint mine, yadda, yadda!
Spoilers: Late Season 8
Distribution: I would be happy to share. Just tell me where so I can visit!

Summary: What happens now?

~*Pleeze Enjoy*~

When I hold him, like I am now, it feels like a dream. I'm almost sure that it's too good to be true. Then I realize he's real, I'm real... I'm a father, something I've never been able to picture myself as. I guess Scully has the power to bring out these things in me. She's made me so much more than I thought possible.

When I first laid eyes on this little creature, my heart skipped a beat. And, even though I wasn't sure then who this baby's biological father was, I knew that I would end up this child's dad, eventually. It was like love at first sight... kind of like Scully and I had been though we would never admit to it. When I saw Scully's face, all red and shiny with sweat, I knew everything was fine... because she was smiling through it all. And then I came to sit by her on the bed and she handed him to me without uttering a word. I took him in my arms and felt warm tears invade my own eyes... he was finally here.

"They let me keep him." She had said as she covered her tired face to hide her tears.

"I know, Scully. It's okay." I leaned over and embraced her warmly. I could feel her trembling. God, she must have been so afraid.

"They stood here and watched... watched it happen. Mulder, I begged and pleaded... they just stared at him. But, then they left. They didn't say anything... they just walked away." She managed through sobs, both of grief and of joy.

"It's okay, there gone now. I'm here." I silently handed the newborn over to Reyes. She, in turn, handed me a glass of water for Scully.

"Dana, you really should get to a doctor. Just to make sure everything happened right. Agent Mulder..." She suggested. I then helped Scully to her feet. I can recall my own amazement at the resiliency she had- just springing up and walking out to an awaiting helicopter, no doubt, just minutes after bringing a new life into the world... More than a life, a miracle.

Now I'm holding that miracle, so sure that I'll wake up soon... Wake up back on that ship, that torture chamber. Thank God for Scully, thank God for letting her save me... for giving me a reason to live again. I suppose I have two reasons now.

I want so badly to erase the memories I have of being on that ship, but I know they'll never go away... they'll just stay locked up inside and surface only in my nightmares. I can't tell anyone, not even Scully, everything I felt... no one would ever believe me. They'd start calling me "Spooky" again. I can remember thinking I was dreaming then too, praying that I could wake up on my couch in the comfort of my home.

There is, however, one advantage to spending months away from those you love... you discover just how very much you do love them and how much you'd give to hold them again.

"Hello." A familiar voice echoes from the living room.

"Hi, you're back!" I carry him to her, knowing that he is the only thing she wants to see right now.

"Hi, my baby boy! How are you?!?" She holds him up above her as if offering him to the heavens, as if thanking God for this amazing blessing.

"We took a bath!" I say quietly, hoping not to distract from her obvious excitement. She turns to me and gives me a suspicious look, but only for a second, she's kidding.

"Good, you needed a bath, Mulder." She giggles, "did he have a nap?"

"Yup, 2:30 pm, on the dot... I was wondering if maybe we might take a little nap ourselves, Scully?" I ask suggestively. She gives me that look again, but this time it's shadowed by a smile. Raising a child is much more tiring than anyone expects.

"He need's another nap soon... maybe then-" We are interrupted by an ill-timed knock at the door.

"Dana, it's Mom." Maggie's voice is muffled behind the door. Scully hands Will over to me and jogs over to invite her mother in.

"Hi, mom." They share a quick embrace and then Maggie hastily makes her way towards her grandson. Her eyes are wild, it's really quite frightening.

"Willie, you remember old Granny Maggie, don't you." I gently lay him in her arms while glancing over at Scully, who's having trouble keeping from laughing herself.

"Mom, you wanna take him for an hour while Mulder and I go out for dinner?" Scully asks. This is news to me. I'm realizing that we've never been on a real date before. Out to dinner, sure, but not since we've... we've had our first real kiss. Not since we took that imperative first step.

"Do I wanna take him for an hour!?!" She replies sarcastically. Scully and I both smile.

"I'll get your coat." I tell her quietly.

"Are you not having a good time?" Scully asks me while we wait for our meal.

"What- Oh, no. I'm having a great time. My mind was just somewhere else for a second, I guess." I reassure her. I know she worries about me all the time now. I don't want her to, though.

"Where was it?" She digs deeper.

"Um... thinking about the future. What am I gonna do with the rest of my life, or at least until Skinner gets promoted to Deputy Director and they fire Kersh's ass." I smile, almost sadly.

"Mulder, there are thousands of career opportunities out there for you. You have experience with almost anything, and an amazing amount of talent. You'll find something you love, when you're ready." She tells me warmly. I wonder if she realizes that I've already found the one thing I love... sitting right across from me.

"Yeah, maybe." I sip my wine.

"Mulder, do you wonder why we're here?" She asks hesitantly. I can tell when she's holding back because she gets this tired, almost depressed look in her eyes. I'm not sure why.

"Because you wanted to give both of us a break and your mom loves her grandson...?" I suggest, smiling at the thought of Maggie with William, so excited.

"No, I mean why... why things happen the way they do. Why our lives have been spared so many times... how we can, everyday, take so much for granted?" She stares thoughtfully out the window.

"I suppose everyone wonders that at some point in their lives, Scully. Are you wondering why?" I lean forward a bit, trying to get a better look into her beautiful blue eyes.

"Recently... Yes. I have a son now, Mulder. That's something that wasn't supposed to happen... but something... or someone allowed it to happen to me. I just don't understand why I've been so... so blessed as to regain my ability to conceive, so lucky as to be granted a wish that I made so many times while you were gone... the chance to have you back," She turns to me, her eyes slightly glossed over with tears, "I swore would have given anything, Mulder, just to see you again." Her voice is trembling, bordering a whisper. She returns her gaze to the rainy street.

"I know it's a lot to take in. I still wake up at night wondering if I'm not just imagining it-" She interrupts me.

"Not just dreaming it." She looks sadly down at the floor.

"But, Scully..." I reach carefully across the table and lay my hand over hers, "We aren't dreaming... as much as it seems like it sometimes, I know this is real, this is what is meant to be. Don't you think so?" I ask. She slowly lifts her head and smiles through small streams of tears.

"I do. Mulder, what I'm trying to say, what I've been meaning to tell you for the past couple months is that... that I need you more than you know. I... love you and I didn't realize how much until you were gone." She's having trouble looking straight into my eyes now.

"I knew that, Scully. I've always known." I tell her softly.

"Then how come we never said anything?" She's whispering now.

"I guess we were afraid that... we were dreaming." I say as the waiter sets our plates down in front of us. I draw my hand back to make some room.

"So what do we do now? Go buy a track house in some little cozy place and raise a kid together? I'll go be a secretary-" Now I must interrupt her.

"We stay here. We don't change a thing. Everything has worked out so well so far, who's to say it would be better if we changed our lives." I remind her.

"You're right... I guess I never saw myself here, Mulder. Did you?' She asks.

"Nope, but there is one thing I know now, Scully. Something I wasn't sure of until now, until I held William for the first time..." I pause, should I tell her?

"What's that?"

"I'm not dreaming." I smile at her, staring into her eyes. She's never been so happy in her life. To tell the truth, neither have I.

I'm not sure where we're headed... what will happen next. Obviously, we hadn't planned to end up as a family, but that hasn't kept us from ultimately becoming one. In some way I always had hoped for this, but never planned for it. I never expected those dreams to come true...

Now, at least, I wont have to pinch myself anymore!

~*The End*~

Author's Notes: I hope you liked it! The title was inspired by the ep. "The Field Where I Died." The monologue at the beginning goes something like:

"At times I almost dream..."

So, there ya have it. If I brightened your day in some small way be sure to drop me a line! Have a great one!

Read More Like This Write One Like This
48 Hours fics list
Baby William
Season Eight Missing Scenes Challenge Pack
William's Alternative Outcome Challenge

Return to The Nursery Files home