Title: A 1997 Thanksgiving Tale
Author: Laura Capozzola
Plain text link:
Distribution: Please archive.
Classification: Story/Humor S/H
Rating: R (for language only)
Keywords: None
Spoilers: Redux 2
Disclaimer: All of the X-Files characters belong to Fox and 1013 Productions. Chris Carter makes a brief appearance. The personality, actions and dialogue assigned to his character are fictitious. None of the characters will be harmed by these few pages and all will be returned to their rightful owners when it is done without any profit on my part.

Summary: The extended Mulder family celebrates a typical American Thanksgiving...well, as typical as you can expect for Fox Mulder.


Mulder pulled the car up to the curb, turned off the ignition and reached for the flowers on the front seat. He thought about Scully who told him that she was going to her mother's house to spend the day with friends. Mulder didn't know she had any.

A cold November wind blew fallen leaves across the front path of the white shingled house. He was actually happy to be in New England for a quiet Thanksgiving dinner with his mother. After recent events in his life, he desperately needed the downtime. He kicked at a few dead leaves and made his way up the porch steps. The scent of a freshly baked pie met his nose as he pushed the doorbell.

"Sweetie, would you get the door for me? I'm basting the turkey." Mrs. Mulder called out to the man convalescing in the living room.

CSM got up slowly from the recliner in front of the TV just as the alien float with the creator of The X-Files and a cast of dead characters was passing by the front of Macy's. No doubt the two stars refused to appear. As he walked to the front door, he pulled his bathrobe tightly around him to hide the bandages covering his gunshot wounds.

"Mulder, so glad you could make it." CSM reached for the hand dangling from the arm of the shocked FBI agent and pumped it 3 times.

"Fox, come inside and stop letting all of that cold air in here." Mrs. Mulder pushed CSM aside so she could hug her son and pull him into the warm house.

"Mom, what's he doing here?"

"Let me take your coat, Fox."

"Mom, I asked you a question. Why is he here?"

"I thought maybe you would bring your little girlfriend from work with you."

"Mom, I demand to know why this man is here."

Mrs. Mulder grabbed her son by his tie with her left hand and slapped him across the face with her right. "Grow up, Fox. This is my house. He's here because I want him to be here. I will not have you badgering me with questions about my personal life. I am your mother. Do you understand?" She jerked the tie hard to make sure he knew the question was rhetorical and Mulder got the message. "Come see how nice the table looks, Dear."

Mulder fired the evil eye in CSM's direction before following his mother to the dining room.

She apparently had gone all out for this day. The dining room table was decorated for the occasion. There was a Thanksgiving tablecloth with matching Pilgrim napkins. The good china and wine glasses were out. A cornucopia centerpiece took center stage. The table had 6 place settings. A smaller table was pulled up alongside the big table. It had 2 place settings. Mulder looked at his mother quizzically just as the doorbell rang.

"Fox, would you mind getting that? I think it's your sister." His mother placed the flowers he had brought in a vase and was arranging them carefully.

"My sister? Mom, I - "

"Don't make me slap you again, Fox. Please go get the door."

Mulder considered his mother's words and decided to get the door. On his way there, he noticed the Cigarette Smoking Man was sitting in the recliner in the living room and the Bullwinkle balloon was passing the Macy's reviewing stand on the TV screen. He paused for a second to watch the big moose go by.

When Fox Mulder opened the front door, his sister immediately thrust two bags of food into his arms. Two kids nearly knocked him over as they went running by him yelling for Grandma.

"Fox, it's good to see you again." His sister leaned over the paper bags and planted a kiss on his cheek before peering over his shoulder. "That was Alex and Susie who whizzed by you. Did you bring your little redheaded girlfriend from work? Mom told me all about her?"

Mulder was about to reply in the negative but Samantha didn't wait for an answer. She headed straight for the living room to see her father. Fox Mulder put down the groceries and rubbed his forehead just as Alex Krycek appeared struggling with two bottles of wine and a covered dish. Mulder reached for the wine just as his mom came up from behind and rescued the covered dish that was slipping from Krycek's grasp.

"So, how's my favorite son-in-law?" Mrs. Mulder kissed the cheek of Alex Krycek and ruffled his stupid-ass haircut affectionately before playfully punching him in the gut.

"I'm doing fine, MOM." Alex Krycek emphasized the last word for Mulder's benefit. "How have you been feeling? You look terrific today."

"Oh Alex, you are such a wonderful son-in-law. You always say such nice things to me." Mrs. Mulder playfully punched him in the gut again and pinched his cheek.

Samantha came back, and with Alex and Ma Mulder, carried the food and drink she brought from home to the kitchen. Fox Mulder felt in his jacket pocket for the Rolaids he brought with him, popped one in his mouth and began to chew vigorously. Not a moment too soon. Little Alex and Susie came tearing into the room demanding to know who he was.

"I'm your Uncle Fox."

"That's a stupid name."

"Yes, it is." He estimated that the boy was about five years old. The girl was older. Alex was the image of his father, handsome with a shock of brown hair, long dark eyelashes and an impish grin. Susie was big and muscular. She had a big neck. She didn't resemble Samantha or Alex. In fact, she looked a lot like -

"Did you bring your girlfriend with you?" Susie wanted to know.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Aren't you kind of old not to have a wife or a girlfriend?" Little Alex was perplexed.

"Well, I have a friend who is a girl but she's not here today."

"Mom and grandma say you have a girlfriend. They talk about it all of the time. Do you kiss her on the lips?" Little Alex wanted to be a tabloid magazine news reporter when he grew up.

"No. I don't kiss her on the lips."

"Well, I think that's a fabrication." As Fox Mulder sucked air in big gulps, Susie morphed into Scully and then back into Susie.

Little Alex clapped at his sister's trick before turning to his uncle. "How come you don't kiss her on the lips? Grandma says you've known her for over 4 years. Are you gay?"

Before Mulder could answer, his sister called out to her kids and they ran into the dining room. Now he knew who Susie the Morpher resembled.

Apparently, Susie and Little Alex had different fathers. Mulder surmised that his sister took after his mother in more ways than one.

"Dinner is ready! Come on everyone. Come and sit down."

CSM was the first on his feet and Mulder caught up to him before he reached the dining room.

"I heard you were dead," Mulder whispered sarcastically so his mother wouldn't hear him.

"No deader than you've ever been."

"Grandma, why do I have to sit at the kid's table. I'm too old for that," Susie the Morpher was whining loudly.

"Because you are not an adult, yet," Alex Krycek responded sternly.

"You're not my father." Susie thrust out her lower lip defiantly and morphed into Schwartzenalien, also known as the Alien Bounty Hunter. She then tried to squeeze her frame into the place set for her at the children's table. The small chair broke and as Susie hit the floor, morphed back into herself. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Mom, why don't you let her sit here beside me?" Mulder was puzzled. "Who is this extra place setting for anyway?"

"Dear, we thought you'd bring your girlfriend, Scully."

"Scully is not my girlfriend. She's just a good friend."

"That's not what people at the FBI say." Alex Krycek winked.

"Uncle Fox is gay," Little Alex mentioned this matter-of-factly. "Can I have some milk?"

"Is that true, Fox?" Mrs. Mulder clutched her chest.

"I think there's a support group for mothers of gay sons in this area, Mom. I could find out about it and take you to their monthly meetings," Samantha said and put her arm around her mother's shoulder.

"Would I have to march in Gay Pride parades? You know how I hate parades." Mrs. Mulder was obviously overwrought at the prospect.

"I AM NOT GAY!" Mulder was adamant.

"He never kissed Scully on the lips in 4 years. Isn't that right, Uncle Fox?"

Mulder shot a menacing look at the miniature rat bastard with the milk mustache sitting at the children's table.

"You, you never kissed her in 4 years?" Alex Krycek shot an incredulous look Fox Mulder's way as Mulder's cheeks grew redder.

"If my son says he isn't gay, then we will drop this conversation. Some boys just mature socially a lot slower that others. Maybe I shouldn't have sent him to prep school. Now can we give thanks for this wonderful day together and this meal we are about to have?"

As the family bowed their heads, Bill Mulder appeared as an apparition and delivered a short Philosophical Dead Guy speech with religious overtones which was followed by an amen from everyone present.

When Mrs. Mulder placed the big bird on the table, all 3 men jumped up.

"Why don't you let me do it?" Alex Krycek pushed the other two men aside for the coveted male position of turkey carver.

"Because you only have one arm," Mulder spit the words at him.

"Didn't you ever hear about an electric knife? Besides, being gay and all I would think you'd be a lot more sensitive about hurtful things that you say to handicapped people." Alex Krycek waved the knife in Mulder's direction.

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"Whatever you say, dear." Mulder's mom patted him on the cheek and told him to go sit down. Then she took the knife from her favorite son- in-law and asked him to do the same. "Sweetie, would you do the honors?" She handed the knife to CSM who reveled in his unofficial position as head of the family.

When he was done carving Mrs. Mulder took over, again. "Okay, who would like a drumstick?"

All 3 adult men answered in the affirmative.

"Well, there are only two legs on a turkey. How can I do this fairly? Let's see. I'm thinking of two numbers between 1 and 2000..."

"666," Mulder guessed.

"1013," Alex Krycek yelled out.

"1121," CSM shouted.

As Mrs. Mulder placed some sliced white meat on the loser's plate, Samantha leaned over to her brother and whispered, "666 only works on Millennium."

Fox Mulder was weepy all through dinner.

After hours of preparation, dinner was over in about 20 minutes. The men, and Little Alex, pushed away from the table and left the job of cleaning up to the women. Susie the Morpher quickly caught on and changed into Luis Cardinale so she could join the men in the living room where CSM was arguing with Fox Mulder over who would win the Oilers/Cowboys match-up. Alex Krycek announced to everyone that the FX channel was running an X-Files marathon that day, and that he was looking forward to a re-run of Tunguska, that is, until he was advised that Mrs. Mulder's cable company didn't carry FX and he would have to watch football, like it or not. This did not sit well with Alex Krycek who sulked the rest of the afternoon and refused to get up for more beer even when the commercials came on.

Little Alex, bored with the whole thing, spewed a few Oiliens on his grandmother's white carpet and caught all kinds of hell from his mother. His grandmother slapped her son, Fox, the closest adult to him, for not keeping an eye on him.

Around half-time, the doorbell rang and after playing "guess the number between 1 and 2000" the loser, Fox Mulder, got up off the couch and answered the door. It was Chris Carter. His eyes were not twinkling.

"Get in the car."

"But, it's Thanksgiving. I'm spending the holiday with my family."

"Get in the limo, NOW."

"But -"

"NOW!"

As Mulder grabbed his coat and started to walk into the living room to say good-bye to everyone, Carter grabbed him by the ear and dragged him to the car.

"What did I tell you about appearing in fan fiction?" Carter's eyes narrowed and Mulder knew he was in trouble.

"It seemed like a good idea. You know, the holiday theme, and all."

"This can't keep happening, Mulder. I'm going to have to punish you."

"What, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give Scully her own episode."

Mulder's lower lip started to quiver. "Can I appear in a dream sequence?"

"No." Carter wouldn't even look at him.

Mulder cried the whole way home.

The End

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