Title: 1000 Lies
Author: Awesomo Fox
Category: VA, Pre-XF, Young Mulder POV
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: My Psychiatrist says they aren't mine. And if you sue me, I won't have any money,'cause all this advice from her sucked my college fund dry.

Summary: A Pre-XF story with a song in it...


All they do is fight. Right now they're down there screaming at each other about everything and nothing.

How could I help it? They scare me when they're like this. Of course I was gonna cry.

Dad saw me, hiding in the corner, sobbing myself sick, and he slapped me across the face and sent me up here. That made mom flip out even more- "Don't hit him!" she screamed, and he grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her- "I'll do what I want to him!" he shouted back.

I don't even really care anymore. I'm happy he sent me up here. I didn't want to be down there anyways, but sometimes if I leave just after the start of one of their "discussions" Dad gets angry because...well, he's ashamed. Ashamed that he's fighting like a child in front of his ten-year-old son. He's ashamed that I know they're being childish, and I can tell. He tries to hide it by being mean. It doesn't work.

I guess I'm just too insightful, and that makes him madder.

So I ran up here, to the loft-to my bed, and noted happily I was alone. Sam was probably still outside, playing in the tree house with her dolls, oblivious to the Hell going on in her own home.

I keep hearing Mom say "divorce". I've heard that word so many times in the past month or so...

"I swear I'll divorce you if you-"

"I want a divorce if you even think about-"

"If you do, I'll get a divorce!"

But everytime they start to talk about WHY they would even CONSIDER divorce, they muffle their words.

I hear things about "projects", "experiments", "tests", but it makes no sense to me. I wonder if it ever will.

Dad's associate from work-that smoking man-is always here, and they always go into the den or the basement, shut the door and talk, or sometimes even yell.

Why is this happening? Why can't life be happy again?

I'm too young to have a crisis, even though I'm the smartest 5th grader in the Vineyard.

The voices below are starting to cool down, but I can't stop crying.

What happened to those great fishing trips dad used to take us on? What happened to Mom and Dad taking us to the drive-in theater, and letting me and Sam have the front so they could put their arms around eachother in the back?

What happened to my parents LOVING eachother? And why do I always feel like the world is going to fall apart at any minute, right around me?

I have so many questions, and no one who can or will answer them. I'm so confused and I have no one to turn to. I feel like I'm going crazy!

I would do anything to help them stop fighting. Some- times I feel like it's all my fault. I just want them to be happy again.

*I* want to be happy again.

And even though I hate them fighting, I hate the lies more.

"Soon everything will be great." Dad will say, or "Just sit tight-your mother and I just have some things to work out."

Mom isn't much better. "Don't worry, it'll all be over soon, and then we can have fun again." Or, my favorite, "Nothing is going on that we can't handle."

I want to scream at them and tell them they're insulting me by telling me these transparent lies! I want to tell them to tell the truth, but in the same respect, I don't.

I used to, but I realized that after a certain period of time, promises do indeed become void. And every promise being made to us had that big red VOID stamp on it.

And I envy Samantha. She believes everything they say, and seems to live off of her belief that soon things will be wonderful. She still thinks that Mommy and Daddy know best, and always tell the truth. But she's only 6- going on 7-what does she know of the world?

I want to believe their lies, deep down, because I want to be like Samantha, because Samantha is still

relatively happy.

She believes the million lies, and the thousand promises.

I wish I still could, but I have a feeling things are only getting worse, and will continue that way for a long time.


I close my eyes when it gets to sad I think thoughts that I know are bad I close my eyes and I count to ten Hope it's over when I open them.

I want the things that I had before Like a Star Wars poster on my bed room door I wish I could count to ten Make everything be wonderful again

I hope my mom and I hope my dad Will figure out why they get so mad I hear them scream, I hear fight They say bad words and make me wanna cry I close my eyes when I go to bed at night Dream adventures that make me smile I feel better when I hear them say "Everything will be wonderful someday."

Promises mean everything when you're little And the world is so big I just don't understand how you can smile With all those tears in your eyes Tell me everything is wonderful now.

I go to school and I run and play I tell the kids that it's all OK I have to laugh so my friends won't know When the bell rings I just don't wanna go Go to my room and I close my eyes I make believe that I have a new life I don't believe you when you say "Everything will be wonderful someday."

Promises mean everything when you're little And the world is so big I just don't understand how you can smile

With all those tears in your eyes Tell me everything is wonderful now.

No, No I don't want to hear you tell me "Everything is wonderful now." No, No I don't want to hear you tell me "Everything is wonderful now." I don't want to hear you say that I will understand someday

No, No, No I don't want to hear you say "We both have grown in a different way." No, No, No NO I don't want to meet your friends And I don't want to start over again I just want my life to be the same! Just like it used to be

Someday if I hate everything If I hate everything Everyone and everything Please don't tell me "Everything is wonderful now!" No Please don't tell me "Everything is wonderful now!"

Fin


Thanks To: All of you X-cellent Philes out there who have ever read a fanfic and wrote a feedback! :*D Note: Awesomo is pronounced (and I say this only because it is so frequently mispronounced) ** Awe-SO-moe **

Note: Ok, three things: 1.) This is a piece that is Pre-Letters to the Lost, which is another of my stories. I figured this could be a potential budding point for the Mulder family tradgedy. 2.) I know that the line in the song, "...like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door..." is impossible, since this story took place in 1972, and Star Wars didn't come out until 1977-but that's just me nitpicking and covering my own tracks at the same time. and 3.) The song "Wonderful" is by the (great) group Everclear, and can be found on their newest CD (something about "...songs from american movies..." I think...) I don't own it-I just borrowed it for this story. Thanks so much! ~A. Lalad

"A writer is a person who has taught their mind to MISBEHAVE..." ~Stephen King


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